Original subtitles

♪♪

-♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Da-do-do-do ♪

Hello, Mr. Bird!

♪ Da-do-da-do ♪

Hello, Mr. Worm!

-Annie? -[ Gasps ]

-Jellybean?

-It's happening!

-Look in the well and see your deepest wish.

-Huh?

Well, hello, gorgeous!

In your dreams, kid!

[ Whistling sound ]

Whoa!

[ Notifications whistling ]

It's Jellybean's birthday!

I finally get to give the lil' guy the wishing well cake

I've been working on all month!

Ooh.

I feel kinda funny.

Maybe that means my acne vitamins started working.

Nope. Maybe tomorrow.

♪♪

[ Thrumming ]

Ahh! What's happening?

-Annie, keep quiet

while Baba have "Calgon take me away" time.

-But Baba, look!

-It happening!

-[ Thrumming, chirping ]

-[ Crying ]

-♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪

♪ Some of my devils up and let me free ♪

♪ To find a quiet space ♪

♪ I'm not as out of place ♪

♪ And I'm coming home again ♪

♪ It's been too long a time getting back what's mine ♪

♪ And I can't remember why I went away ♪

♪ But it's lookin' like maybe I can stay ♪

Was that any good?

♪♪

-[ Thrumming ]

-Ahh! How do we take it off?

-Can I pet it?

Ohh, you're a pretty little --

Ow! -[ Laughs ]

-Aww, you're sorry.

I can tell by the apologetic look in your milky --

Ahh!

-Stop talking to it!

It's better not to get too attached.

-But it's already attached!

To my stomach!

[ Clattering ]

-All women from our family bloodline grow teratoma.

It Old Country curse.

-Teratoma? Curse?

-Yes.

Long, long ago, village witch thought

great-great-great-grandbaba stole her wheelbarrow.

[ Drill whirring ]

-Did she? -Yes.

And her husband.

He was in wheelbarrow.

But wheelbarrow very beautiful, like child to witch,

so she do hex to take our children from us.

She extra. -What?

This thing's gonna kill me?

-No,

but you must battle teratoma for control of your body,

like Supreme Court.

If you lose, we never see you again.

-Ugh.

This is even more traumatic than when I started my period

and Uncle Pete called an ambulance.

-I thought periods were blue, like in the commercials.

-Teratoma get power when you break three rules.

Here special turtleneck to help you remember.

-Ooh, turtleneck.

-If follow rules, teratoma will wither,

then we hack off in Old Country Ceremony.

Baba love that part.

Very solemn yet rollicking wingding of a time.

-I never got any rules.

-You did. You just refused to wear turtleneck.

-Yeah? Well, I'm a Daphne, not a Velma.

-Sounds awful, but I love rules.

-Rule one! Never give teratoma name.

-Mm-hmm. -Two, never give teratoma food.

-Okay.

-Three, never give teratoma email password.

In Old Country, rule three was,

never give Blockbuster video card.

-I hope there's no rule about giving it a little kiss.

-Rule four! That's rule four!

-But remember, Annie. Teratoma very sneaky.

They know your greatest wish and use to gain control,

then they steal your identity and we lose you forever.

-Um, Baba?

-Best for you to stay home under lock and key

till whole thing over.

-But I can't miss school today! It's Jellybean's birthday party!

-Cheer up, you only have to wait, ehh...

48 hours.

-Can't you take it off now?

-Snip-snip now and you die.

Trophy, make sure Annie no leave house.

Here, swallow shackle key. -Ugh.

[ Gulps ] -Raise tongue. Okay.

Peter and I go pick up hags and supplies for ceremony.

Hags will want keg.

-Aren't ya gonna call the hags and tell them we're coming?

-No need. Hags already know.

[ Sizzling ]

-[ Gasps ]

It happening!

-It happening!

-Ooh! It happening!

-[ Meows ]

Oh, it not happening.

-[ Hacking ]

-[ Gasps ] It happening!

♪♪

-Need seven liter of pig blood,

needle-nose plier, witch hazel, vanilla extract...

-Maybe we should get a box of Band-Aids.

I know I'm not gonna be able to stop myself

from touching that cute little fella.

-Maybe Baba buy you box of impulse control.

[ Tablet chimes ] Oh, Mohel calling.

It happening to Annie. Sharpen guillotine!

- Ahh, little Annie. [ Chuckles ]

I remember when she first born,

we thought her face was teratoma.

-Yes, but it grow into big pumpkin head now.

Did you order balloon arch? Very important.

-Da. We pick up now.

See you soon. -Ahh!

-Peter, grab jar of mayonnaise.

-[ Groans ]

-No. Big jar!

-[ Straining ] For Baba.

[ Chains clinking ]

-[ Sighs ]

- Please let me go to Jellybean's birthday party!

If you managed to get through having a teratoma

without breaking the rules, I know I can.

-Yeah, Baba's overreacting.

All these rules are just old-world superstition.

I mean, my ceremony was more like hot 'toma summer.

MTV even showed up.

What's up, sluts?

I'm Trophy Fantasy and welcome to

"My Super Sweet Tumor Removal"!

♪♪

-Did it hurt when they cut it off?

-I think I just bullied my 'toma till it fell off on its own.

I'm not great at sustaining life.

-I knew Baba was just being overprotective.

I'm going. -I mean, look at you.

We need to be pushing social events,

not keeping you from them.

Let me get that key.

Hey! I need a backdoor beetle!

Scuttle up my starfish and find that key, would ya?

This could take a while.

It's usually a little cluttered up there.

Ooh! Nice.

Now you're free and so am I. [ Locks jingle ]

-But how can I go to school like this?

-Well, I would start with some contouring

and then maybe a bag?

-[ Laughs ]

-Not my face. I mean the teratoma.

-Uh, just cover up little...Annette there.

Cinch it.

-Mom! You called her Annette! You broke rule #1!

-[ Both coughing ]

-Wait a second. Why does your face look so...

facey all of a sudden?

-[ Gasps ] Ooh.

Did breaking a rule just make me, like...

ten times prettier?

-I don't know. What's ten times zero?

-I sure hope Jellybean recognizes me.

-Hey, Mirror.

I'm still the fairest of them all, right?

I'm the MILF, she's the DILF, Daughter I'd Like to Forget.

Right? -For a compliment,

please tap or insert credit card now.

♪♪

-It happening!

-I bring ceremonial beating broom,

sacrificial house plant, and Uno.

-I bring cornhusk wig, eye of newt,

and box of participation trophies.

-I bring a baseball glove, a go-getter attitude,

and a desire for human connection.

-Baba, why you bring boy?

-[Quietly] He felt left out.

-Fine. I bring ceremonial scythe,

straps to tie her down, and gemstones.

-We no need gemstone. Annie very good girl.

-Ooh! Oh boy.

-Ooh, teratoma scar spasm whenever progeny break a rule.

-No, no. Annie not rule-breaker. It probably just neck gas.

Let's go. -[ Grumbling ]

-Shotgun! -Shotgun! Dang it.

[ School bell ringing ]

-[ Wolf whistling ] Damn, Annie.

I didn't know your family had new face money.

-Aww, Marky, you're sweet.

-Yeah. Call me when your body matches the drapes.

-Psst, Annette to Annie! Annette to Annie, over!

-[ Gasps ] Whoa. You can talk?

-I can do a lot of things.

-Did you make me prettier?

-[ Laughs ] I'm just getting started.

-You give me a wittle bite of cake

and I'll give you anime proportions

and a BBL that your body won't reject

like your mother rejects you.

-You can do that?

-You pretend not to care about looks,

but I know you think your mother would love you more

if you were prettier.

-It's embarrassing, but yes.

Being beautiful is one of my deepest wishes.

Stop!

The wishing well can't have one seed out of place.

Jellybean will notice. He's a real diva.

♪♪

-Ooh.

-♪ Go, Jellybean, it's your birthday! ♪

♪ We're gonna party in moderation, of course ♪

-Whoa. Annie, is that you?

You're so...symmetrical.

-My boobs are still uneven.

-[ British accent ] I love the way your new face

compliments Jellybean's fur, m'lady.

[ Normal voice ] What is happening to me?

-Are you wearing makeup?

Guinea Pig Club isn't just about creating miniature food

for guinea pigs.

It's also about self-acceptance.

-Don't be ridiculous.

Now let's let the birthday pig eat.

Ta-da!

-Happy birthday, Jellybean.

-He's nibbling!

-Sorry, rat lovers. The bugs are back.

Gotta fumigate tonight.

One of youse better take Jellybean home for a sleepover.

What? Is that you, Annie?

I remember you being a little harder on the eyes.

-It's just a glow-up.

It happens to unsightly people online all the time.

[ School bell rings ]

-Why don't you take him, Annie.

You're clearly looking for affirmation.

-Just remember, plastic surgery is a slippery slope.

My aunt was really into cats and, well...

now she's a cat.

-I--I mean, we love you just the way you are...were!

Oh, God. Please go back to normal.

-They're all just jealous of your new face.

I know you want the body to match.

Then Trophy will finally be proud of you.

Let me make you so attractive,

no one will ever abandon you again.

-I'm gonna be the same Annie on the inside, right?

-Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Dreams come true when you cake pop me.

[ Cackles ]

-Mmm...

-[ Humming ] -Ahh!

-[ Cackling ]

-Whoa. It worked!

I can't wait to show mom my new smokeshow body.

-Our new body. She's gonna love us.

♪♪

-Peter, for last time,

teratoma does not have crush on you.

-I know what I felt!

Pretty sure the connection was undeniable on her end, too.

[ Tires screeching ]

-[ All shouting ]

-Teratoma grows more powerful.

-We must go to the child at once.

Where did you trap her?

-Locked in cage in morgue, I hope.

-Oh, she chained to floor. Trophy watch her --

-Baba, look!

-It happening!

[ Tires squeal ]

♪♪

-[ Groans ]

-She suicide again?

-Nope, just dozed off. What's for dinner?

[ Rumbling ] -Teratoma, teratoma.

-You fool!

Who knows what teratoma do by now?

-Hey, guys, we have a new family member.

-[ Gasping ]

-Who are you and why did you turn Annie

into a guinea pig?

-Annie? [ Gasps ]

Thigh gap? You have a thigh gap now?

What have you done to me??!

-But isn't this how you always wanted me to look?

-Is that why you being beautiful your deepest wish?

To get approval of shallow mother?

-What's the big deal?

So I broke a rule or two for once in my beige life.

-[ Gasping ]

-Ceremony will be harder now.

More like exorcism.

-Too hard. Child is lost.

-No, Annie not break last rule.

That important thing.

This hottie body will be gone soon enough.

-[ Gasps ] Gone? What do you mean gone?

-When we snip-snip teratoma, you go from 10 back to 3.5.

Now go to room and Peter will nail door shut.

-On it!

-She understood the ass-ignment.

-All I see is juicy peach,

swinging on branch in summer wind.

-Lots of jelly on that toast.

-Hey! Admire my ass! I'm the babe of this house!

-Not anymore. Welcome to sisterhood of hags.

-You can fill out membership form online.

-I can't believe my mom didn't like the new me.

-All that matters is what you like.

-Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I just thought I'd have a little chat-a-rooski

with my number one daughter.

-So it did work!

I knew that if I became pretty, you'd want to be

as close as mother and daughter can be.

-Oh, that's so sad, Annie.

It doesn't matter what you look like.

I never wanted to be as close as mother and daughter can be.

I'm here because of that damn teratoma.

The way it's making you hot is wreaking havoc on our family,

which I obviously -- [ Gags ] --

love and cherish.

-Uh-huh...

-So I was thinking, baby,

why don't I use my death powers to take it off you

and put it on me instead?

-What? No! That will kill me!

-Everything is always about Annie, isn't it?

Death powerrr--

-Ahh! -Get hold of self, faded bimbo.

Baba used to be even hotter than you, don't forget!

Looks fade. Go find hobby.

Only 12 hour to go till removal.

Get rest.

Tomorrow after ceremony, you be adorkable Annie again

with very sizable flesh wound.

-And I'll go back to being the sole

supernatural beauty around here.

Eat it, Annie!

-[ Laughs ]

I see now your greatest wish was for Trophy to appreciate you.

Bad news, Annie -- now your whole family

doesn't respect your dreams, aww.

-But I love my family.

-It's time to love yourself!

Let's get out of town and start making those videos

where hot girls eat a ton of ramen

but never gain any weight.

Don't let your mother hold you back!

-Ahh!

-[Both voices] Totes, you're super-right, Annette.

Let me tell you my email password.

-No!

-It's time for us to go.

Just say the word. -No!

-Say it! -Oof.

-Jellybean.

-[ Cackling ]

[ Purring ]

I'll make it so there's no home to come back to.

-Is it time to saw that thing off yet?

I'm done being Nicky Hilton to Annie's Paris.

-Phew!

It took all day, but I think we finally ready

for advanced-stage teratoma ceremony.

-And you won't even consider letting me date

the teratoma after it's been cut off

and preserved in a jar, because why?

-Hello, folks, I'm... -No mortuary business today.

You have to embalm your own till Monday.

Shoo! -Hey, whoa, whoa.

I'm here for the house. -What this nonsense?

-As of tomorrow morning, this place is mine.

-Well, the stuff inside of it is mine.

Somebody named Baba Fantasy sold it all to me.

-No...it can't be.

Ohh. -Baba!

Your babushka is slumping forward into crisis mode!

-Annie!

No! [ Gasps ]

Teratoma in control now.

It happening!

-Don't worry, Baba.

We explain to pawn star and shady realtor

that old country insurance policy cover teratoma fraud.

They gone. -So is Annie.

She break third rule and become beautiful conwoman on the lam.

-Forget about the third rule.

Annie broke the golden rule, Baba.

Thou shalt not be hotter than your gorgeous mother!

-It your fault she gone forever!

-Hey, is Annie home?

Someone drained the Guinea Pig Club's

online savings account to check into a hotel by the airport!

Annie's the only one with access.

-Annie not here. How much was in there?

-$10,000.

Jellybean comes from money.

Tell Annie to call me.

-We have got to catch Annie before she disappears forever.

I could never sleep at night

knowing she's out there in the world somewhere,

looking sexier than me.

-Bank alert. [ Gasps ]

Someone use credit card to buy plane ticket.

-Teratoma wants to return to teratoma homeland,

and from there empower all teratoma to take over world!

-Are you serious? -Ahh!

I don't know! I very dramatic by nature!

-Baba fix. We must try save her.

♪♪

-Airport, please.

Say, what's your sign, handsome? -I not sure.

-What about your Social Security Number?

That can tell you a lot about a person.

Hello? I asked you a question!

What's going on?

♪♪

-[ Snarling ] -Teratoma, teratoma.

Teratoma, teratoma. -Let me go!

The power of hotness compels me.

-Annie, honey, you still in there?

I miss the old you.

You made me feel safe. Come back to mama!

Come on. Come on back to mama!

-I'm leaving town just like you did!

-Annie, if you can hear me, you are beautiful!

I mean, maybe not capital-B Beautiful,but...

something -- something inner beauty.

I never pay attention during that part of the movie.

It's such horseshit.

Except now, when it's totally real.

-It time.

-Teratoma, teratoma.

[ Gems clinking ]

-Nooooo!

-Hold her still! Hold her still!

-We trying!

-[ Gasping ]

-Old world ways never wrong!

-[ Roars ]

[ Hags shouting ]

-Teratoma stronger than sanctimonious blade!

Very bad sign!

-[ Growling ]

-Not to be dramatic, but Annie lost forever

-Look, maybe it is true that there's only room

for one hot person in this family.

But there's only room for one good person in this family,

and that's you, Annie.

-I'm everything you are but 15 years younger

with a pulse!

-It's my turn, old woman.

Death powers!

-[ Cackles ] -Ha-ha!

Ahh!

[ Thudding ]

-Not so pretty now, huh?

Try catching a dick when you're double dead!

[ Cackles ]

-I never thought Annie would be the one to kill us.

Hold me, Jellybean!

Ow!

-[ Laughs ]

[ Screaming ]

♪♪

-Oh, rat save girl.

-Hags go home now.

♪♪

-Jellybean? Is she gone?

I never realized what an ugly duckling I was.

I mean, I knew I wasn't a swan,

but I liked to pretend I was a regular duck at least.

-It's good to have you back, Annie.

And there's something I need you to know.

I love your face.

-You do? -Uh-huh.

And if you want to do something about the bod,

we can go down to Mexico when you turn 18.

-You beautiful in own way, like misshapen clay sculpture

made by small child as gift.

Embrace me.

-I was ready to save the day, but you have those teeth.

Hard to compete with those teeth.

Ow! -Enough with hugs.

Annie, bring jar and come down to morgue.

It time to put your teratoma with others.

-They're all so beautiful.

-Peter, if you cannot control yourself, go wait in corner.

That your great-great-grandbaba teratoma.

Hers have a lot of eyes.

And that great-grandbaba's. Hers have a lot of noses.

And this one mine. It have a lot of whiskers.

And yours go right here, next to Trophy's.

-[ Grunts ]

I can't really see yours, Mom.

-No, it's in there. See?

-Oh, yeah.

♪♪

-[ Cackles ]

-♪ If I die tonight, I'mma make it look pretty ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm in your spot, yeah, I'm in your city ♪

♪ Acting real rude, bad attitude ♪

♪ Acting real goofy ♪

♪ But if I press you out, I'mma make it look pretty ♪

♪ If I start a fight, I'mma make it look pretty ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm your spot, yeah, I'm in your city ♪

♪ Acting real rude, bad attitude ♪

♪ Acting real goofy ♪