Original subtitles

Um... What the fuck are you doing?

That's the only thing I'm doing.

I'm decorating.

Why are you... Are those Christmas lights?

Yes. They are Christmas lights. It's Christmas.

Yeah, but why are you putting them in my room?

Well... We have the lovely pleasure of rooming together because I don't have a

room.

What? You're staying in here?

Do you want me sleeping on the couch?

I mean, I don't want you sleeping in my room.

Well, as your step-aunt, you don't have an option.

Don't say that. That's so fucking weird.

You're like, you're like my age.

But, rules are rules, and however you like it or not, I am your

step-aunt.

Which means I have authority.

Quit saying that. It's so weird.

I hate that.

To do what I want.

I can honestly be like my fucking mom's age or something.

It's so weird.

Well, that's just how a cookie crumbles.

And it is what it is.

And I'm sleeping in here and not on the couch.

Are you just, like, gonna keep those on all night?

Yes. It's Christmas.

Don't be a Grinch.

I'm not a Grinch. I love Christmas, but, like, this is like a lodge. I'm just,

like, putting lights all over my room, and you just walked in.

It's one strip of lights. I think you'll survive.

Okay, fine.

I think you'll survive.

I mean, I don't know why you look so negative about everything. I just walked

in here.

Exactly.

Well, I mean, I guess it's kind of nice, but... See?

Just see the vision. It's fine.

Just see the vision.

There we go.

Okay.

I mean, you, like, could help, too, but, you know, it's fine. It's your thing. I

already, like, I helped put all the lights on the Christmas tree. I don't

want to... You did. You did, right? So I'll let you sit there. It's fine.

It is your part.

I mean, what do you think about that?

It's like the little Christmas tree in here.

Exactly. It's like a Charlie Brown tree. See, you're seeing the vision.

I think we're almost at the end.

This is crazy.

It's not. It's the holidays. Get into the... Spirit, ho, ho, ho, motherfucker.

See, it's gorgeous. I think I made an absolute masterpiece in here.

Come on. Okay. I deserve a raise.

Sure. I mean, it is blocking the door a little bit, but whatever.

I won't step over it. If I have a little too much eggnog and rum.

I mean, here, actually, all right, all right.

No, no, leave it, leave it, leave it. It's fine.

It's fine.

All right, well, now I'm going to get ready for bed.

What? You're going to bed already?

I mean, I guess I'm in bed, but... Yeah, I'm going to bed already. I'm on East

Coast time, so I'm, like, three hours ahead. I'm tired. Jet lag.

It's time for the princess to go to bed.

Okay.

So... Art... Oh, my gosh.

See, this is why it's so weird that you're, like, my fucking step-aunt.

Like,

you're just, like, getting dressed in front of me, and, like... You're already

making it weird.

Are you supposed to be, like, wrapping presents or something?

Um, I mean, I should be, but

I'm kind of ditching responsibility right now. Again, I just hopped off a

plane, like, five hours ago, so I can wrap the presents.

I did my part decorating. They should be grateful.

This is so weird.

I'm not making it weird.

If you stopped making it weird, it wouldn't be weird.

Can you close the door? I can hear all the people out there. It's so loud.

Alright, door's closed.

And I'm going to bed.

Good night.

You're sleeping? I thought you were going to sleep on like an air mattress

or something.

There's no air mattress.

Are you going to go to Target and buy me one? No, I just... There's no air

patches for me.

There's like 100 room.

It's a queen-size bed.

Do you sleep like a starfish? What are you talking about? Yes, I'm a wide

sleeper. I sleep like a starfish.

Okay, well, I'm your aunt, and I say... I'm your step-aunt, and I say

I'm sleeping in this bed right now because I don't want to sleep on the

couch.

So... This is how it is, and you're just going to get over it. Well, if I, like,

if I stretch out and hit you, it's not my fault.

Oh, my God, you're so dramatic.

I'm not dramatic.

It's just so hard to sleep.

Oh, my God.

You're never going to get to sleep ever again.

Fix your tie, I guess, buggy me.

Oh, thank you. Appreciate it.

All right, well.

All right. Good night.

Santa Claus is real?

What?

It's not funny.

It's like a serious question.

Why are you making fun of me? I'm asking a genuine question.

Not like if he comes down the chimney, but like Saint Nick.

If he comes down my chimney, it'd be great.

I mean, I guess he could be. Let's play pretend for a little bit. I

guess he could be.

Let's not pretend.

I think that St. Nicholas was a real man.

I think so.

And if he did, he would grant my wish of finally

getting dicked down after a two-year dry spell.

You're like my... Okay, like you said, you're my aunt. You can't talk like...

That's why... I never said you.

No, that's not what I mean.

That is what you mean. You're talking to me like that.

I'm being broad. You just asked if St. Nicholas was real, and I am saying if he

was real, I hope he grants me to get some dick sometime in the near future,

maybe five minutes from now, to get dick down. So that would be the greatest

Christmas present ever.

Why did you ask then? Humor me.

You might be good at small talk.

Clearly not.

I might be good at big talk though.

I think you'll like this more than you've been expressing that you want.

just say like my aunt and then they're like all horny with me all the time I'm

like I don't know what to think I think you do know what to think I think you

need to just let it happen

It's better than I even imagined.

Really nice cock.

You

keep

acting like you wouldn't like this, but your dick is too- We may have our lives.

Don't worry about your mom. She's half a bottle of wine.

Oh, God.

Candy Cane.

I think you'd be fucking your shit up.

I'm not smart, man.

That was hot.

Holy shit.

That'll be our little Christmas secret.

Merry Christmas.