All language subtitles for Mister Ed S01E10 The Missing Statue.eng

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Good morning, Ed.

I said, good morning, Ed.

Sorry, my mind was
on something else.

No.

Hello.

No, Operator.

Nobody here put in a
call to Pimlico Racetrack.

There must be some
mistake, Operator.

Ed?

I haven't made a
long-distance call in weeks.

Let's see. Bills, bills, bills.

Grocery bill,
electric bill, gas bill.

You see a telephone
bill that was right here?

Ed?

Don't ask me.

Don't you look at me with
those baby-brown eyes.

Hand it over.

Here it is.

Six calls to Pimlico, and why
are you calling a racetrack?

Well, I'm worried.

My niece is about to
run her maiden race.

Six calls... that's a fortune.

Wilbur, I promised my sister
I'd keep an eye on her kid.

By any chance have you
seen Kay this morning?

There's nobody at my house.

Yeah, she and
Carol went shopping.

They're having
dollar day downtown.

The last time they had
dollar day downtown,

Kay bought downtown.

Oh, we must be
in the wrong store.

Nothing in here looks
like it only costs a dollar.

Oh, Kay, look at all
these beautiful pieces.

Hmm. That was me before my diet.

Oh.

Good morning. May I help you?

Good morning. I like this.

Isn't it darling?

It's really a
conversation piece.

How much is it?

Only $300.

That's the end of
that conversation.

Oh.

May I help you?

This is so different.

I could wear it to the theatre.

What is it?

It's a rug.

Kay, look.

Wouldn't this make a perfect
lamp base for my living room?

Isn't it interesting? It has
its origins in mythology.

It's a Chinese piece
and a steal at only $50.

$50? Oh, I just love it,

but I'm afraid my
husband would think

I was being too extravagant.

Honey, buy it.

Wilbur will always be around.

The statue may not.

What a beautiful lamp base.

- Carol?
- Yes, dear.

Honey, we are loaded
with bills this month.

We've just got to
start saving money.

You're right, dear.

I mean... yeah, this one...

Andre's Beauty Shop.

What are you doing,
patronizing him or adopting him?

I like to keep attractive
for you, honey.

Hmm. And this,
this little beauty...

The electric light bill.

You would think we were
holding night baseball games.

You're absolutely right, honey.

- Carol.
- Yes, dear.

I don't want you to
think I'm picking on you,

I think we should try
to hold expenses down.

Oh, I couldn't
agree with you more.

I don't want to deny
you anything, dear,

I think for a while we should
try to just buy the essentials.

You're absolutely right, honey.

I-I don't mean to suggest that you
should stop going to the beauty parlor

or stop buying clothes,

but promise me you'll
use a little discretion?

Okay, honey.

That's my girl.

It didn't cost much, darling.

Do you like it?

That depends.

How much did it cost?

50.

50?

50.

Cents?

No.

Honey, there's a fascinating
story connected to this statue.

Would you like to
hear about its past?

No, but I can
tell you its future.

- It is going back.
- I can't take it back.

There was a sign in the store...

"All sales final."

Then I'll take it back.

Honey, from now on let's
really try to economize. Shall we?

Yes, Operator, I'm
ready for the Pimlico call.

Hello, are you the trainer
of the filly Little Princess?

That's right. This is
Joe King. Who are you?

Mr. Edwards.

I understand Little Princess is
running her maiden race tomorrow.

That's right. What about it?

You shouldn't work her
out too early in the morning.

Why not?

I know her family.
They're late sleepers.

She hasn't been
training too well lately.

Are you sure you know
what you're talking about?

Buddy, you're getting it
right from the horse's mouth.

Well, I'll try anything.

Call you back later.

What have you got there, Wilbur?

Oh, nothing, just a statue.

Oh.

Ming Dynasty, huh?

How do you know?

Maybe I didn't go to college,

but I'm not stupid.

Oh, Wilbur, how
about nine holes, huh?

Love to but afraid not, Rog.

Hey, wait a minute. What's that?

Oh, Carol made a foolish
purchase. I'm taking it back.

Imagine paying $50 for that?

- What is it?
- Don't ask me.

All I know is she wants
to make it into a lamp.

Well, if she wanted a lamp,
why didn't she buy a lamp?

You don't know my wife.

If she bought a lamp, she
would want to make it into a vase.

Something I can do for you, sir?

Yes, I'd like to
return something.

Oh.

My-My wife bought this here,

and she's changed her mind.

I'm sorry, sir.

She only bought it an hour ago.

I mean, it's still warm.

I'd like to keep my
cash box the same way.

I wish you would take it back.

We really have no use for it.

I thought your wife wanted
to make a lamp out of it.

No, she wants to make
a lamp out of everything.

You stand still for a second,

she shoves a bulb in your mouth.

Then you'll take it back?

No.

I know you're not obligated
to take the statue back, but...

you'd be doing
me a very big favor.

Please?

I do so hope you're
not going to cry.

Oh, all right,

but promise me you won't tell
anyone that I refunded your money.

Oh, I won't even tell my wife.

And I said to this
antique dealer of yours,

"Look, either I get
my money back..."

Yes, you told me, dear.

Look, doesn't that
trout look delicious?

What is going on around here?

Dear, you told me to economize,

and you'll be very proud of me.

There was a sale
on fish downtown,

and I bought 30 pounds.

30 pounds?

We'll be eating fish for days.

Yes, but think of all
the money we'll save

on chicken and
steak and roast beef.

Wait a minute. I had fish
balls for hors d'oeuvres,

I just had clam
chowder, and now trout.

What have you got
for desert, fish cakes?

Oh, you spoiled my surprise.

Well, honey,
what's for breakfast?

Fried fish.

They look delicious.

Well, bring them on.

See?

There you are.

And here's another.

- Hi, Carol.
- Hi, Kay.

- Well, how...
- Shh.

He's upstairs.

How's the fish campaign?

Well, it's the third day. He
should be growing fins by now.

Well, keep punching, sweetie.

As soon as you get him
off that economy kick,

you go right out and
buy that statue back.

Shh, here he comes.

Oh, hi, Wilbur.

I wonder if Mr. Phillips has
sold my beautiful statue yet.

Look, Carol. I've
got a great idea.

Why don't you let me
buy it and hold it for you

until you break Wilbur down.

Oh, I couldn't ask you to
do a thing like that, Kay.

Well, it was just an idea.

You better hurry. The
stores close at 6:00.

You say this is
an original, huh?

Absolutely.

I like it very much.

How much are you asking for it?

$50.

And how much will you take?

$50.

This is a one-price store.

Okay, don't get
excited. I told you I like it.

Would you wrap it, please?

Gladly.

Pardon me.

How much is he
asking for it today?

Today?

I thought $25 was
quite expensive.

25? I'm paying him 50.

Oh, that's for two, of course.

Two?

He told me it was an original.

He's got a back
room full of them.

No kidding.

He must stamp them
out with a cookie cutter.

Here you are, sir.

An original, huh?

Thank you.

Here's the $50.

Kay. Anybody home?

It's me.

- Hello.
- Oh, hello, Wilbur.

Roger, can I come over to your
place for a sandwich or something?

Why... y-well, of
course. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, we're well stocked.
What do you want?

Anything that doesn't swim.

I beg your pardon?

Carol's had me on a steady
diet of fish the last few days

all because I returned
that silly statue she bought.

You won't believe this, but
Kay bought one just like it,

and she's been
hiding it from me.

You're kidding.

- What are you going to do?
- Return it of course.

Look, let me
give you a little tip.

If the owner won't take it back,

just say please
and look miserable.

He's very soft-hearted.

It won't be difficult
to look miserable.

I'll just think of the price.

Yes, sir, may I show
your something?

No, thank you.

I'd like to return something.

I'm sorry. We have
a no-return policy.

Oh, I don't blame you.

As a businessman, I
realize you can't make a profit

if you keep taking back
merchandize you've sold.

Exactly. Good day.

May I ask a favor of you please?

Would you call my wife and tell her
you positively will not refund the money?

What don't you
call her yourself?

Well, to be perfectly frank,

just before I left the house,

we had a terrible argument.

She's very sensitive
about making mistakes.

And I'm very sensitive
about returning money.

Then you won't call her?

No.

Would you write her a note?

Please?

Please?

Write her a note?

Please?

- Oh, all right.
- Oh, thank you.

I knew a kind heart
went with that face.

Oh, no.

It's back again.

I believe she paid $50.

What is this, some sort of
parlor game, musical statues?

Please?

Please?

Please? Please?

Oh, thank you. You have
just saved a marriage.

Honey.

I brought you some lunch.

Set it down, Carol.

I'll reel it in later.

Oh, I'm cracking up.

That fish looks
just like a chicken.

Go ahead, dear. You
deserve a good meal.

You mean you're giving up?

You're throwing in the flounder?

I just couldn't stand to
see you suffer anymore.

I don't know who to kiss
first, you or the chicken.

The chicken. Enjoy it, dear.

Mmm.

She's out to get you.

It's good.

Are you going to eat
that without a food taster?

Ed, stick to being a horse.

The confirmed prisoner
ate a hearty meal.

I've got the greatest
little wife in the world,

and what's more, I want to
surprise her and buy that statue back.

I knew you would weaken.

So did I.

Good, you haven't sold it.

That'll be $50, I believe.

Didn't you return this
statue just a few days ago?

That's right.

- As I recall,
you wife had just bought it.
- Yes.

She bought it, you returned it,

and now you want
to buy it again?

Yes, but... Tell me this...

Has my competitor hired you
people to drive me out of my mind?

Look, I'd like to
buy that statue.

I'll sell it to you
under one condition.

What's that?

That you'll sign a
written statement

to the effect that you will
never return this statue again.

- Well, really...
- Oh...

All right, I'll sign it.

Repeat after me, please.

I do solemnly swear...

I do solemnly swear...

Better raise your right hand.

I do solemnly swear...

Carol, are you in the kitchen?

Carol?

Oh, no.

Carol? Are you upstairs, honey?

Carol, look what I...

Oh, hiya, doll.

Don't "doll" me, shifty.

Oh, you found the statue.

Pretty sneaky, getting
Carol to buy it back for you.

What? I don't
understand, darling.

I returned this
statue once today,

and I'm returning it again.

But sweetheart, that's
not ours. It's Carol's.

Oh, please. Wilbur
returned Carol's.

You bought this for yourself.

I wasn't born yesterday.

If you don't lower your voice,

this may become Exhibit A

at a coroner's inquest.

Kay, are you trying to tell me

this is the same statue
Wilbur showed me in the barn?

What was it doing in the barn?

I hid it in the closet.

That was before I
returned it to the store.

Returned what to what store?

Kay, when you married me,
was it for love or revenge?

Now, don't forget,
with Little Princess

you got to break fast
and stay close to the rail.

Got it.

Now, when do you want
the jockey to go to the whip?

Uh, no whips.
She cries so easily.

Mr. Edwards,

I was thinking maybe of
using blinkers on Little Princess.

- What do you think?
- No, no blinkers.

She likes to read the odds on
the tote board while she's running.

I put it right down...

Carol, where are you?

Carol, are you upstairs?

Oh, not again.

When I put the
statue in the closet,

that was just before
you brought it back.

I was keeping it for Carol

until Wilbur gave her the money,

but when you brought it back,

he hadn't given in yet,
so it was premature.

Don't you understand?

Is it necessary that I do?

I'm sorry, darling. I
should have told you.

Kay, forgive my
busting in like this,

but why do you keep putting
this back in my living room?

It was a mistake, dear.

We didn't realize that you had gone
back and bought the statue again.

Me? But I didn't buy it back.

No?

Well, who did?

Wilbur.

Oh, isn't he sweet? He
wanted to surprise me.

You've certainly got
a wonderful husband.

And I'm going to
tell it to him, too.

Excuse me.

How's your head, Addison doll?

Kay, do me a favor.

Sure, sweets.

The next time you want
to help your neighbor,

give me five minutes
notice so I can leave town.

You put that there.

What's going on around here?

Thank you, darling,

but I have been spending
too much money lately,

and, well, maybe we should
take it back to the store.

Oh, no.

The way that storekeeper feels,

I would be safer taking
you back to your mother.

I'm afraid you can't, darling.

Hmm?

You know what they stamped
on our marriage license.

- What?
- Absolutely no returns.

Well, thanks for
calling, Mr. King.

Ed, get off that phone.

Good news, Wilbur.

My niece won her first race.

Ed, you promised you would
cut out those long-distance calls.

Relax, I'm paying for this one.

You?

The trainer bet five for me,
and I won a hundred bucks.

- You did?
- Yup.

Well, when is your niece
going to be running again?

Oh, wouldn't you like to know.

Oh, come on.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

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