Original subtitles

I'll kill the bastard.

I need a helicopter.

Okay,

I got connections.

Thanks, Gnarly Charlie.

Does it work?

Bear's honey nut?

Tastes like circus peanuts.

What? New bears in the woods? Look, A-Wolf Hitler ordered us to kill you.

You're furries?

We're Nazi furries.

This is what my mess looks like. And I don't do fucking circus flavors.

I want the honey nut meth recipe.

Blair,

your recipe is now mine.

But I've come up with some new flavors that... Regular folk like me will go for

it. My new flavors include fried bologna, tuna casserole, and when our

customers want to feel a rush of brain-frying southern pride, throat ill.

I just run over this possum so it's real fresh.

Hello, Bloop.

You're fucking with me, right? I created a high-class product. I won't make...

You'll make what I tell you to make.

Oh, and I'm still tinkering with something I call...

Kissing cousins, Miff. I'll let you know when I nail it down.

If I ever get out of here alive, I'm gonna kill Dwight Salter.

There.

Have you noticed when you cock the hammer, my cock gets hard as a hammer?

That's a double doozy floozy.

I love the smell

of dynamite in the evening.

Let's start setting these up right here in the dam.

Oh, I'm strangely

itchy at my crotch.

Oh, no. I guess we forgot to tell you we had, I mean, have crabs.

What?

You conveniently forgot to tell me you had crabs? You're not just sexy Nazis.

You're sociopathic jerks.

Just because we support racism and genocide doesn't mean we don't have

feelings, too.

Yeah, heartless.

Also, we forgot to tell you AWOLF sent a furry death squad to kill your family in

Boone City.

What? Kill my family? Sorry.

You were so sexy. We forgot to tell you. I've got to save my... Wait, you think

I'm sexy?

You're super sexy. Yeah, I mean, I'm up to fuck again.

You can't have sex with them again.

But they think I'm sexy. No one thinks I'm sexy.

Alistair, your family's in danger.

And need I remind you, these Nazis have class.

Oh, damn.

I'm itchy as fuck.

Me too.

Alistair, go.

Save your family.

And after that, stop at the drugstore.

There's got to be a cream for this.

Jer, Blair, I'm coming.

I'm coming.

That was hotter than any porn I've ever seen.

We should have filmed it.

Oh, that reminds me. I need to film this.

I have finally discovered who killed my beloved twin brother, and now I shall

avenge his death.

Even though, truth be told, I never really liked him. I just need to do this

so my shitty low-budget Netflix true crime documentary has a satisfying

ending. Jer, you must pay for your crime.

Tony, no!

That'll drown that wildlife.

What's going on?

There's water everywhere.

Oh, shit.

Just when I didn't think this could get any kinkier, I'm soaking wet.

Literally.

I like that.

Jesse Eisenberg is not only going to see what a great director I am, but also

that I'm an awe-inspiring actor.

Huh? Oh, there it is. This is the first cook with my new flavors?

Hmm.

Hmm.

I can taste the bologna, but not the mayo or the overly processed white

bread.

If I didn't know better.

I might think you did this on purpose. Cook it again and get it right or else.

Carter! I'll be back.

Where are you going, boss? I got theater tickets.

Toby, about your performance.

It's problematic for you, an Asian person, to be playing Eazy-E.

But you cast me in the part. Mr. Salter, I felt the same way at first, but I

actually think Toby's doing a bang-up job.

Okay, as you know, I'm uniquely connected to this story since I am, like

N.W.A., a gangsta gangsta. I hate to break it to you, Francis Oliver, but

there is nothing about you that is gangsta.

So kindly respect my directorial choices.

Toby, I have some ideas.

Let's go down to the dressing room to talk in private.

After you.

I think I should use the elevator.

The stairs will be faster.

Let's be honest, you get very little exercise and could use the cardio.

Um, okay.

Oh, my God!

Toby fell!

Oh, my God, Toby, are you okay?

These rhinestones must have come off someone's costume, and Toby tripped on

them. Oh, it's very similar to, but not exactly like, what happens in that It's

So Bad It's Good movie showgirls. Oh, that's it!

I want the entire costume department fired immediately!

The entire costume department is Toby's mom, and no one wears rhinestones in

this show.

So weird.

How did this happen?

Yo!

Yo? Hey, with Toby injured, I will have to go on as Eazy-E tonight.

I don't want to do it, but the show must go on.

But you said it was problematic for Toby to play easy.

Exactly. We need a white person to play easy. As a white descendant of actual

slaveholders, I consider this a form of theatrical reparation, if you will. I

believe by playing an oppressed black man, I can help other white people

understand the effects of racism on this country.

No, no.

Oh, this itch is a bitch.

Ew!

Hey, do you know what happened at Jaron Blair? The bunker's flooded.

Nobody cares.

They might be at the plane. I'm surprised that everyone shut up.

Tonight will go down in history, or my name isn't Otter Von Bismarck.

Remember, no matter how enthralling this show is, we're here to... Kill Dwight

Otter!

A-Wolf said we have to do this undercover.

Remove your swastikas so no one knows we're Nazis.

Ooh, good idea.

Time,

time. God forbid.

But if we die, I want to die with a clean conscience.

I didn't kill your brother. It was Dwight.

But I did eat him. But rest assured, nothing was spoiled. He was prime

quality. Low-fat, melt-in-your-mouth.

I wish you could have tasted him.

Wow. Now I don't have to kill you.

Yay! But I do have to kill Dwight Salter. Not a problem. We're heading his

way.

Imagine the ratings.

I'll need a good defense attorney, but that could be season two.

What? Look!

for gnarly Charlie.

Oh, I bet he ordered more yoga pants.

She put a ass wipe?

Yes. And don't forget your free gift with torture.

What?

So,

my intelligence

was correct and I found you, Blair.

I'm going to find out who you really are under that furry costume.

Ow!

Ow! Ah, fuck! Does those teeth feel real?

Oh, scheisse.

You're not a furry pretending to be a bear. You're a bear pretending to be a

furry! Bitch, you're gonna teach me how to cook that famous honey nut meth now!

from NWA.

We've got a story we're excited to tell ya. To make it easier to follow, we cut

out MC Rand and DJ Ella.

This is actually pretty good.

I like the music. It's real catchy.

Hey, let's not kill anyone until the end of the show.

Wait, wait. Are you leaving out some secret ingredient or something? Because

these don't smell right.

That's because we haven't plumbed it yet. That's the final step that brings

it all together.

Really get your nose in there for the honey nut meth experience.

Trust me.

This stuff is fire.

I can't die!

I am a god!

I am a god!

I am a fucking god!

Oh, Jesus.

It's not oh, Jesus.

It's oh, Jesus.

Kanye West?

feel better?

Alistair.

I love you. Oh, chair.

Ice

Cube,

you were my dearest friend.

We had our fight, but now I'm at...

my life's very end.

Let's make up and forget our beef because our time on earth so sad

and brief.

Yes, I have AIDS and I'm going to

die.

Yes, I have AIDS

Then I'm going to die Yes, I have AIDS

And I'm going to die Come and listen to my

Everybody.

Please wait.

It's Dr. Dre.

Yeah, I'm Dr. Dre. And I've been doing tests.

And I think you'll be very impressed. I was nervous before. Now I know for sure.

For AIDS, I found a cure.

A cure?

Yeah, a cure.

Is it possible, Tennessee?

I've saved the life of each.

has such a wonderful message about friendship.

I am so close.

I think I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... And

it's not from your fucking. It's from intimate, vulnerable love making.

It really is better with someone you love.

I am so sorry, ladies and gentlemen. This was supposed to be a wholesome

evening of family-friendly, colorblind, AIDS-related entertainment. I am as

shocked as you are.

Bravo.

What a performance.

You fucking killed it, sir. But now I'm afraid I'm going to kill you.

No one assassinates Dwight Salter except us. Not... The furries. No one kills

Dwight Salter except me.

Hey, my sister's alive too.

Are you people fucking deaf? I said it first.

So I get to kill Dwight Salter.

Breaking news.

I'm here to avenge my brother Wink's death.

So no one can kill Dwight Salter.

He's getting away!

him stupid yeah but why do we need to kill him he betrayed us and as a crime

family we must exact vengeance let the big bear handle this

dwight stop it right now fuck off motherfucker

Not anymore.

Mr. Kardashian, may I please take a selfie for my Instagram?

Say cheese.

Hey, Dwight. Alistair, get out of the shot.

You know, the way you've been treating us is really making me...

Goodness, you're here. Get me an ambulance.

Mr. Salter, I was thinking about something you said earlier.

What did I say?

You said there is nothing about you that is gangsta.

I said that?

Yes, and I thought about it and decided you were right. I really do need to be

more gangsta.

Only if you ask politely.

Alistair, I'm coming!

Keep it steady!

What? How?

Pull in the ladder.

Jesus, John!

Okay, it's stabilized.

You okay?

ready to meet your maker.

Please, don't kill me. You don't understand what I'm all about. I'm not a

Nazi. In fact, I'm not even Kanye West.

I'm... A polar bear.

Yep, a bear just like you. My name is Wilfred. You see, due to global warming,

we polar bears are losing our habitat.

And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could save it if I sold meth.

Wait, that's why we're selling meth too.

See? We have something in common.

But why were you involved with the Aryan Brotherhood? According to Google,

they're the largest meth dealers around. So I decided to kidnap Kanye so I could

befriend the Aryan Brotherhood. This is all so far-fetched and bizarre. I know.

But the bottom line is, bears need to work together. So put her there,

partner.

I'd like to make it very clear I am not into being tied up. Humans hating each

other because of the color of their skin makes no sense.

It's stupid.

But everyone knows we bears are stupid.

So it makes perfect sense that this white bear would hate you simply for

having brown fur.

Wait, what?

White bear pride, motherfucker!

You thought it was bad fighting the Aryan Brotherhood? Ha!

Well, I'm the leader of the Polar Barian Brotherhood, and I'm taking you to the

Arctic Circle to be my cook, bitch!

Listen, I know you're trying to be dramatic, but if we're going to work

together, maybe don't call me a bitch. I'm just saying.

Well,

I'm the head of this crime family now.

Coming, Tony?

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