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1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:02,962
[vacuum whirring]
2
00:00:11,990 --> 00:00:12,861
[suction grabs fabric]
3
00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:15,130
[gasping and groaning]
4
00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:21,410
You know, you're only gonna make
the Dirt Devil jealous.
5
00:00:24,768 --> 00:00:26,425
[turns off vacuum]
6
00:00:26,468 --> 00:00:30,306
It's more vacuum action
than you've gotten lately.
7
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,748
Yeah, well, it's only
'cause you hide all
the good attachments.
8
00:00:35,583 --> 00:00:39,421
Oh, look! Your mom's
monthly newsletter.
9
00:00:39,465 --> 00:00:42,910
Amazing. My mother's still
afraid of call waiting,
10
00:00:42,953 --> 00:00:45,004
but she can put together
a monthly mailing
with three colors
11
00:00:45,047 --> 00:00:47,882
and a Yiddish word jumble.
12
00:00:47,926 --> 00:00:51,196
Let's see what's
on nutsy's mind this month.
13
00:00:51,241 --> 00:00:53,464
"My husband Martin
had his yearly colonoscopy.
14
00:00:53,508 --> 00:00:55,209
Don't worry.
Clean as a whistle."
15
00:00:58,654 --> 00:01:01,969
The whole thing here about
Alice Robinson. Do you know her?
16
00:01:02,012 --> 00:01:06,242
God, I haven't heard
that name in years.
17
00:01:06,287 --> 00:01:08,249
You know how every school has
18
00:01:08,293 --> 00:01:10,996
that one girl that
all the kids make fun of?
19
00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:13,002
You know, bad at sports,
a little overweight
20
00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:14,311
friends with the lunch ladies?
21
00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:17,669
I was that girl.
22
00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:25,126
Ugh. Poor Alice.
We did Model U.N. together,
23
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:27,264
and we were Madagascar,
24
00:01:27,307 --> 00:01:31,973
and Alice had this
speech impediment,
so she said, "Madagathcar."
25
00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:34,023
The kids just tortured her.
26
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:36,858
They called her
"Mrs. Lazy Face".
27
00:01:36,902 --> 00:01:39,212
Not me. I was
always very nice to her,
28
00:01:39,256 --> 00:01:42,353
but, ugh, they were just awful.
29
00:01:42,397 --> 00:01:47,107
- "Hi, my name
ith Alith Robinthon."
- Grace...
30
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:50,596
"And I'm the ambathador
from Madagathcar."
31
00:01:50,639 --> 00:01:52,035
Grace...
32
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,605
"But you can call me
Mrs. Lathy Fathe."
33
00:01:56,919 --> 00:02:01,106
It was pretty funny.
"Madagathcar."
34
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,633
"Security counthel."
35
00:02:04,595 --> 00:02:06,383
Heh. She's dead.
36
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,570
Ah, thit.
37
00:02:12,226 --> 00:02:14,538
[theme music playing]
38
00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:29,497
Karen! Finally you're here.
39
00:02:29,541 --> 00:02:30,980
Honey, this had better
be important.
40
00:02:31,023 --> 00:02:32,942
I was home
reading to my kids.
41
00:02:38,961 --> 00:02:41,447
Oh, can you imagine?
42
00:02:43,366 --> 00:02:44,630
So what's up, snicker poodle?
43
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:47,988
My one man show, Jack 2001...
44
00:02:48,032 --> 00:02:50,081
has been nominated for...
45
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,349
Are you ready for this?
A MAC award.
46
00:02:52,393 --> 00:02:55,490
A MAC Award, a MAC Award,
did he say MAC Award?
Yes, a MAC Award!
47
00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:58,847
- Oh, my God, a MAC Award?
- Can you believe it?
A MAC award!
48
00:02:58,892 --> 00:03:01,159
Oh, can you believe it?
A MAC award!
49
00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:06,742
Oh, wow. Honey, what
the hell's a MAC Award?
50
00:03:08,529 --> 00:03:10,448
Only the most prestigious award
51
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,062
in all of lower Manhattan
52
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:14,155
non-transgender
equity waiver gay cabaret.
53
00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:19,912
Well, Jack, that is fantastic.
We should celebrate.
54
00:03:19,956 --> 00:03:22,616
- I know. I wish I
had some champagne.
- Yeah. Here you go, sweetie.
55
00:03:29,332 --> 00:03:31,120
Fantastic.
Now all we need is...
56
00:03:31,164 --> 00:03:32,822
Yeah.
57
00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:36,703
[Karen gasps]
58
00:03:36,747 --> 00:03:39,712
Listen, Karen, since this
award means so much to me
59
00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:43,462
and since you had such
a big part in the
success of Jack 2001,
60
00:03:43,506 --> 00:03:47,868
I would be honored
if you came as my escort.
61
00:03:47,911 --> 00:03:50,877
Oh, honey,
that is so sweet. No.
62
00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,755
- Why?
- No reason.
63
00:03:56,241 --> 00:03:57,767
Listen, why don't you take
those twins you've been dating?
64
00:03:57,811 --> 00:03:59,424
Mmm. We broke up.
65
00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:04,178
They were seeing somebody else.
66
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:06,227
Besides,
there might be press there,
67
00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:07,798
and I don't want
to be typecast as gay.
68
00:04:13,031 --> 00:04:15,735
My sessuality is my business.
69
00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:22,844
Honey, the award
is for gay cabaret.
70
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,722
Yeah. Still, you want to keep
'em guessing, you know.
71
00:04:28,339 --> 00:04:31,087
This is so tight.
72
00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:32,874
Now I know why Evita
was such a bitch.
73
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:42,686
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Farrah Fawcett-Majors,
I've got it!
74
00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,487
The truly cool people
never show up at the
awards show at all.
75
00:04:48,531 --> 00:04:50,537
They just send a videotaped
acceptance speech
76
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,151
from some exotic location where
they're making their next movie.
77
00:04:52,194 --> 00:04:53,939
That's what I'll do! Yeah.
78
00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:57,645
But where am I gonna
get a video camera?
79
00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:59,128
Here you go, honey.
80
00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:07,982
[both scream]
81
00:05:08,026 --> 00:05:10,381
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm trying to wake you up.
82
00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:11,732
With what, your breath?
83
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:18,012
No, no. You know how I told
you about Alice Robinson
84
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,498
and her nickname
"Mrs. Lazy Face"?
85
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:23,072
- You gave her that nickname?
- How did you know?
86
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,815
I didn't. I'm just trying
to move things along.
87
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,569
How did it happen?
88
00:05:29,613 --> 00:05:32,274
Well...
89
00:05:32,317 --> 00:05:34,846
You know how
I'm really good at improv?
90
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,040
Go on...
91
00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,702
It was the biggest
event of the year--
92
00:05:44,746 --> 00:05:47,407
the school's stand-up
comedy contest.
93
00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,151
Where did you go to school,
Don Rickles Junior High?
94
00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:54,123
Anyway, this was my big chance
to get in with the cool kids.
95
00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:57,961
So, I'm on stage, and then,
all of a sudden, this kid yells,
96
00:05:58,004 --> 00:05:59,356
"Do Alice!"
97
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,322
And I knew
she wasn't there, so...
98
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:03,892
[sighs]
I went...
99
00:06:03,935 --> 00:06:07,294
"Hi, my name
is Alith Robinthson
100
00:06:07,337 --> 00:06:09,997
but you can call me
Mrs. Lathy Face."
101
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,222
The crowd went wild.
102
00:06:12,265 --> 00:06:13,661
I mean, I killed.
103
00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:15,187
I mean, I totally killed.
104
00:06:17,062 --> 00:06:19,199
Wow, that is so wrong.
105
00:06:19,243 --> 00:06:21,118
They really thought
you were funny?
106
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:28,794
Will, I never said I'm sorry,
and now it's too late.
107
00:06:28,837 --> 00:06:30,669
Which is why I'm gonna go
to Schenectady
108
00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:32,588
to her funeral tomorrow
109
00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:34,987
and apologize to her
dead body. Wanna come?
110
00:06:37,516 --> 00:06:39,871
Well, gee, that certainly
sounds like a good time.
111
00:06:39,915 --> 00:06:41,311
Please, please,
please, Will...
112
00:06:41,354 --> 00:06:43,186
- Grace, get real!
- Come on, come on...
113
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:45,715
There is no way that Alice
was still carrying that around.
114
00:06:45,759 --> 00:06:48,027
You know, kids get teased,
and they get over it.
115
00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:52,257
You're probably right.
116
00:06:53,958 --> 00:06:58,450
I mean, you got over the kids
calling you "Harry Ass Truman".
117
00:07:01,808 --> 00:07:03,334
Wake me at 6:00.
118
00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:09,440
And... Action!
119
00:07:11,752 --> 00:07:14,368
See it, settle...
120
00:07:14,412 --> 00:07:15,371
sell it...
121
00:07:15,415 --> 00:07:18,642
Hi. I'm Jack McFarland.
122
00:07:18,686 --> 00:07:21,302
I'd love to be
at the MAC Awards this evening,
123
00:07:21,346 --> 00:07:23,483
but I can't. You see,
I'm on the set of
my new movie...
124
00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:26,928
Karen, maybe
this was a bad idea.
125
00:07:26,972 --> 00:07:29,545
This doesn't
even look like a movie set.
126
00:07:29,588 --> 00:07:31,071
Honey, come on.
Just say what I told you.
127
00:07:31,115 --> 00:07:34,342
Fine. I'm on the set
of my new movie
128
00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:36,304
"Poorly Decorated Crackhouse."
129
00:07:39,402 --> 00:07:44,329
Oh... Directing is fun.
130
00:07:44,373 --> 00:07:47,033
OK. Keep going. Keep going.
131
00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:50,043
I'd like to congratulate
the other nominees.
132
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:51,133
After all the...
133
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,930
You know what, Karen?
This just isn't working for me.
134
00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:59,986
Just doesn't feel right.
I wanna show them I'm sincere,
135
00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:03,737
but I haven't gotten that
far yet in my acting class.
136
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:07,618
We're still on
"Learning how to Listen",
137
00:08:07,662 --> 00:08:09,014
which I don't know how to do,
138
00:08:09,057 --> 00:08:11,194
so I just open my eyes
really wide and nod.
139
00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:16,951
Well, I'm going next-door
to get the champagne.
140
00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:18,957
I wish I'd brought
something stronger, but
I left it in my other coat.
141
00:08:24,277 --> 00:08:26,676
[phone rings]
142
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,514
Hi. It's Jack.
I'm out... since 1985. Kisses!
143
00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:33,523
[machine beeps]
144
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:36,096
Hey, Jack, it's Ted
from the MAC Awards.
145
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,149
Listen, bad news.
There's been a horrible mix-up.
146
00:08:39,193 --> 00:08:41,766
Unfortunately,
Jack 2001 was not nominated.
147
00:08:41,809 --> 00:08:43,641
It's just that there were
so many gay cabaret acts
148
00:08:43,685 --> 00:08:45,124
with the word "Jack" in them,
149
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:48,176
we got confused.
Anyway, our bad.
150
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:51,360
Don't be crushed.
Hey, let's get a juice
sometime. Esca-lator!
151
00:08:51,404 --> 00:08:52,581
[machine beeps]
152
00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:01,260
Welcome. I am so sorry
for your loss.
153
00:09:01,303 --> 00:09:04,531
Thank you. I actually
knew Alice years ago.
154
00:09:04,574 --> 00:09:06,668
There's so many things I wish
I had the chance to say to her.
155
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,415
Well, I'm sure she knew
how you felt about her.
156
00:09:12,643 --> 00:09:13,995
Let's hope not.
157
00:09:15,434 --> 00:09:18,268
[organ music playing]
158
00:09:18,312 --> 00:09:19,839
Oh, my God, there's Gabe.
159
00:09:19,883 --> 00:09:22,193
Well, hello, Gabe.
160
00:09:22,238 --> 00:09:25,988
I remember at school
everyone used to say that
Alice's best feature
161
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:29,476
was her older brother Gabe.
Oh, gosh, he looks so sad.
162
00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:31,875
Sad... Oh, my God!
163
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:34,056
He's wearing Prada shoes.
He's gay. This is great!
164
00:09:38,897 --> 00:09:40,903
And sad. Very, very sad.
165
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:43,128
Will, straight men wear Prada.
166
00:09:43,171 --> 00:09:45,308
Not in Schenectady.
167
00:09:50,585 --> 00:09:52,242
I have to go do
this now, Mr. Sensitive.
168
00:09:59,394 --> 00:10:04,018
Hi, Alice. It's me,
Grace Adler...
169
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:06,983
- Hi.
- Hi.
170
00:10:07,027 --> 00:10:08,683
God, you know, my grandmother
would be so touched
171
00:10:08,727 --> 00:10:10,646
if she saw how many
people came out today.
172
00:10:10,689 --> 00:10:11,780
I am Alice Robinson.
173
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:14,920
Nice to meet you.
174
00:10:17,536 --> 00:10:18,889
Oh, Grace...
175
00:10:27,917 --> 00:10:29,705
Come on. Let's
get out of here.
176
00:10:29,748 --> 00:10:31,711
Wait. Aren't you going
to apologize to Alice?
177
00:10:31,754 --> 00:10:34,066
- I'll catch her
at the next reunion.
- I don't believe you!
178
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:36,333
Will, I am not going
to apologize to her now.
179
00:10:36,377 --> 00:10:38,427
She's alive.
It could be really awkward.
180
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,483
I can't... What... Grace!
What happened to making amends?
181
00:10:42,526 --> 00:10:44,271
You owe this not only to Alice,
182
00:10:44,315 --> 00:10:46,102
but to yourself to do
the right thing.
183
00:10:48,327 --> 00:10:52,557
Wow, I didn't... realize
you felt so strongly.
184
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:55,959
Well, I do. I'm not gonna
let you neglect this... Hi.
185
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:59,797
...profound
moral responsibility.
186
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,192
You're unbelievable.
187
00:11:01,236 --> 00:11:04,376
You just want me to stay
so you could cruise.
188
00:11:04,419 --> 00:11:06,425
Give me a break.
Come on, he's my type!
189
00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:08,214
He's dark and brooding
and miserable...
190
00:11:08,257 --> 00:11:10,743
Everyone is. It's a funeral!
191
00:11:10,786 --> 00:11:13,142
Yeah. Go apologize.
He's coming back. Come on.
192
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,677
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Gabe.
193
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,076
I'm Will. I'm so sorry
about your grandmother.
194
00:11:20,119 --> 00:11:23,303
Yeah, it was quite
a shock. Well, not really
that big of a shock.
195
00:11:23,347 --> 00:11:25,222
She was 94 and had
a really negative outlook.
196
00:11:27,447 --> 00:11:31,982
- I'm sorry.
- Oh. Hey, it's gonna be OK.
197
00:11:36,474 --> 00:11:39,526
- You're gonna be OK.
- [sobbing]
198
00:11:39,571 --> 00:11:41,533
We'll get through this together.
199
00:11:44,935 --> 00:11:49,383
Hi, Alice? It's me, Grace Adler.
200
00:11:49,427 --> 00:11:51,433
You probably don't
even remember me.
201
00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:53,352
We went to Hawthorne
Junior High School together
202
00:11:53,395 --> 00:11:55,271
a million years ago.
203
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:56,361
Go Cougars.
204
00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:57,713
[makes growl sound; laughing]
205
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:00,940
Um...
206
00:12:03,426 --> 00:12:07,744
Anyway, you probably
already knew this, but...
207
00:12:07,787 --> 00:12:11,930
I was the one who started
the whole "Mrs. Lazy Face" thing
208
00:12:11,973 --> 00:12:14,982
and... I'm sorry.
209
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,297
Wow. I feel better.
210
00:12:20,216 --> 00:12:23,094
You bitch!
211
00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:24,796
- Excuse me?
- That nickname followed me...
212
00:12:24,839 --> 00:12:27,499
through high school,
through college,
even Harvard Med!
213
00:12:27,543 --> 00:12:29,637
Just last week, I had to tell
my fiancé to knock it off.
214
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,381
- But I did...
- For 20 years...
215
00:12:31,424 --> 00:12:33,256
I have been afraid
to talk because of my lisp.
216
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:37,137
I've never even seen
a single movie with Susan
Sarandon or Sissy Spacek.
217
00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:39,100
But through it all,
I knew that someday
218
00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:41,237
I'd be able to look
you in the eye
219
00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:42,851
and say very clearly, you suck!
220
00:12:49,218 --> 00:12:51,747
Well, on the bright side,
she probably never
had to see anything
221
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,362
with Sylvester Stallone.
222
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,688
- Honey, I have...
- Karen, goody, you're back.
223
00:13:00,732 --> 00:13:02,301
I finally figured out
my character.
224
00:13:02,345 --> 00:13:04,744
It's a guy who's happy
225
00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:07,666
because he won an award.
226
00:13:07,709 --> 00:13:10,414
It just came to me.
It so works. Let's roll it.
227
00:13:12,594 --> 00:13:14,818
Jack, you need a vacation.
228
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,130
Come on. when was the last time
you and I took off
229
00:13:17,173 --> 00:13:18,656
to Bermuda on the sperm
of the moment?
230
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,532
Let's go!
231
00:13:20,575 --> 00:13:22,058
Karen, come on. Let's roll it.
232
00:13:24,631 --> 00:13:27,116
I know, but, honey,
I just feel like there's a lot
of things we could be doing
233
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,428
- besides making
a stupid video...
- Karen!
234
00:13:29,472 --> 00:13:31,347
We are doing this.
235
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:35,272
Now, don't make me get
all Whitney on your ass. OK?
236
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,321
I'm in my zone. Let's roll it.
237
00:13:37,365 --> 00:13:39,197
All right...
238
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,113
- [claps hands]
- OK.
239
00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:44,212
And... action.
240
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:50,928
Hi. I'm Jack McFarland.
You know, sometimes I ask myself
241
00:13:50,972 --> 00:13:53,807
why am I in this crazy
business of show, anyway?
242
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:59,476
Do I do it for the money?
Do I do it for the glory?
243
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,791
Do I do it for the himbos who
wait at my dressing room door?
244
00:14:08,373 --> 00:14:11,950
No, no... And yes.
245
00:14:18,229 --> 00:14:21,543
But more than anything else,
I do it for love,
246
00:14:21,587 --> 00:14:24,378
because this is
what I love to do.
247
00:14:26,297 --> 00:14:27,650
Oh, my God, Karen.
248
00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:32,098
I just realized something.
249
00:14:32,141 --> 00:14:34,147
This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened to me.
250
00:14:36,197 --> 00:14:38,378
Forget the video camera.
I'm going to the MAC Awards.
251
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:39,817
Honey, you didn't get nominated.
252
00:14:41,126 --> 00:14:43,132
What?
253
00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,661
Somebody called
from the MAC Awards.
254
00:14:45,705 --> 00:14:47,711
Ted... Homosexual.
255
00:14:55,953 --> 00:14:58,134
He said that there was
some kind of a mix-up,
256
00:14:58,178 --> 00:14:59,748
and you didn't
even get nominated.
257
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,566
[scoffs]
258
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:13,921
It's OK. It's just
a stupid award, anyway.
259
00:15:15,535 --> 00:15:16,756
I'm sorry, Jackie.
260
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,291
Can you shut the camera off?
261
00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,210
I just kind of want
to be alone right now.
262
00:15:27,354 --> 00:15:31,541
Now, I would like to
call up anyone who would
like to share a few words.
263
00:15:31,584 --> 00:15:34,680
All right, I got to get
out of here. You have
exactly ten minutes...
264
00:15:34,724 --> 00:15:36,556
to make your move on this guy.
That'll give me enough time
265
00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:38,126
to get over to my mother's,
266
00:15:38,169 --> 00:15:40,088
have her tell me I look awful
in black, and get back here.
267
00:15:40,132 --> 00:15:42,836
Oh, yes. You, dear, please.
268
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,755
You said you wanted
to say something.
269
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,979
What... No, no. That was
when I thought she was dead.
270
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,461
No, no. Come on.
271
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:52,431
I think you should come down
and say something. I insist.
272
00:16:02,068 --> 00:16:04,336
Well... Where to begin.
273
00:16:07,694 --> 00:16:09,963
Alice Robinson was...
274
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:14,715
So, here's to you,
Mrs. Robinson.
275
00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:20,778
Jesus loves you more
than you will know.
276
00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:25,575
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
277
00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:29,718
And now, Alice has...
278
00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:34,821
crossed that bridge
over troubled water...
279
00:16:36,609 --> 00:16:38,963
And is hopefully
feeling groovy...
280
00:16:42,278 --> 00:16:44,329
- No longer homeward bound...
- Stop it!
281
00:16:47,599 --> 00:16:49,561
Sorry. OK, um...
282
00:16:49,605 --> 00:16:52,266
Alice... Alice was...
283
00:16:52,309 --> 00:16:54,228
Alice was... She was...
284
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,895
She was very forgiving.
285
00:16:58,938 --> 00:17:01,162
She was not the kind of person
who would hold a grudge
286
00:17:01,206 --> 00:17:03,561
over some childish... nickname.
287
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,570
We all had those, right?
288
00:17:06,613 --> 00:17:09,884
I had plenty...
Like "Gross" Adler.
289
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:14,944
- And... Gosh, what
was that other one?
- Flatsy Patsy.
290
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,086
- Right. Thank you.
- Bigfoot.
291
00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:21,616
- OK.
- Mop Top, Scarlet Pimple.
292
00:17:21,659 --> 00:17:23,274
Stop it.
293
00:17:26,283 --> 00:17:30,687
My point being that I...
I know what it feels like
294
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:34,612
to be made fun of, and
I know it's not a good feeling.
295
00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:38,320
So, if Alice was here today,
296
00:17:38,363 --> 00:17:40,631
all I'd really want
to say to her is...
297
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,945
I'm sorry if I ever hurt her
298
00:17:43,988 --> 00:17:47,042
and wherever she is,
I hope she'll forgive me.
299
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,231
This day is hard for all of us.
300
00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:54,935
Yes, it is.
Is Gabe seeing anyone?
301
00:17:57,988 --> 00:17:59,514
[Karen]
Honey, come on.
302
00:17:59,559 --> 00:18:02,436
Now, I know not winning that
award was a big disappointment,
303
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:05,577
but believe me, in my eyes,
you're a winner.
304
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,368
Yeah. There's no better
mo out there.
305
00:18:11,071 --> 00:18:13,165
I don't care what you think.
I don't care what
anybody thinks.
306
00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:14,953
Without a MAC Award,
I'm nothing!
307
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:18,966
[Karen sighs]
Okay...
308
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:22,018
I thought you might
be feeling this way.
309
00:18:22,062 --> 00:18:24,155
So, I racked my rack,
and then it came to me.
310
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,310
I'll get him a cute boy
to ease his pain.
311
00:18:32,354 --> 00:18:33,924
- Mm?
- But then I thought "No..."
312
00:18:33,967 --> 00:18:35,058
Mm.
313
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:40,859
"Jackie's not that shallow."
And then I thought...
314
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:43,606
"Hey, diamonds are
a girl's best friend.
315
00:18:43,649 --> 00:18:45,263
- I'll get him jewelry!"
- Mm?
316
00:18:45,307 --> 00:18:46,441
- But then I thought "No..."
- Mm.
317
00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:53,244
"Jackie's a lot more
complicated than that."
318
00:18:53,287 --> 00:18:56,821
And then it hit me. "Nothing
takes the sting out of failure
319
00:18:56,864 --> 00:18:59,481
like a big, fat check.
320
00:18:59,524 --> 00:19:02,010
- I'll give him money."
- Mm?
321
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:03,275
- But then I thought "No..."
- Mm.
322
00:19:06,197 --> 00:19:09,729
"My Jackie can't be bought.
323
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:12,564
He's an artist.
324
00:19:12,608 --> 00:19:17,099
He has brought joy
to fives of tens of people
325
00:19:17,143 --> 00:19:18,277
with his cabaret act.
326
00:19:22,159 --> 00:19:25,517
That's what's really
important to him."
327
00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:27,174
[scoffs]
I guess you're right.
328
00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:30,532
I fooled you! Ha ha ha!
329
00:19:30,576 --> 00:19:33,367
Check it out, Jackie. The dude,
the diamonds, and the dough.
330
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,040
[Jack] Yeah!
331
00:19:42,787 --> 00:19:44,619
Honey, you're simple,
you're shallow,
332
00:19:44,662 --> 00:19:45,927
and you're a common whore.
333
00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:47,759
That's why we're soul mates.
334
00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:53,908
Oh, Karen. You're my best friend
in the whole world.
335
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,347
Ah!
336
00:19:58,182 --> 00:20:00,275
- Thanks for coming, Will.
- Oh, no problem.
337
00:20:00,318 --> 00:20:04,113
Listen, I hope this isn't
forward or inappropriate,
338
00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:07,733
but, you know,
I thought we sort of
made a connection before,
339
00:20:07,777 --> 00:20:11,876
you know, and we had
that great hug, and...
Can I call you sometime?
340
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,841
Are you hitting on me
at my grandmother's funeral?
341
00:20:14,885 --> 00:20:17,502
- Well, I just...
- Have you no shame?
342
00:20:17,545 --> 00:20:19,421
I'm embarrassed for you.
343
00:20:22,256 --> 00:20:24,218
- Let's keep our voices down.
- He's hitting on me.
344
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:28,971
Anyway, I really appreciate
what you said today.
345
00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:30,890
It took a lot of guts
to come here and say that.
346
00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:32,941
Well, thank you
for understanding.
347
00:20:32,984 --> 00:20:35,950
I teach a speech therapy class
in the city a couple days a week
348
00:20:35,993 --> 00:20:37,825
and, you know, maybe we could
get together and have
a drink sometime.
349
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,180
I would really love that.
350
00:20:40,224 --> 00:20:41,357
Hey, you know, in fact, some
of my students are here today.
351
00:20:41,401 --> 00:20:42,666
- Would you like to meet them?
- Sure.
352
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,236
OK.
353
00:20:44,279 --> 00:20:46,024
Be careful,
that coffee's very hot.
354
00:20:48,161 --> 00:20:49,730
Oh, hot, hot!
355
00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,915
Grace Adler, this is Cindy,
356
00:20:52,958 --> 00:20:54,790
this is Jason,
and this is Sarah.
357
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,447
Hi, Thindy. Hi, Jathon.
Hi, Tharah.
358
00:21:02,247 --> 00:21:03,512
You bitch!
27462
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