Original subtitles

So big of me, right?

I didn't think that I was throwing you under the bus.

I'm sorry that you felt that.

Yes. I need my girls to be getting along.

This friendship that we have now,

like, let's just see what that's like.

I want to just build from this day forward.

This is good.

OK, that was so [bleep] up.

You traumatize each other. - Can I finish?

- We all traumatize each other. - I'm not traumatizing shit.

She's incorrect. Just FYI.

Well, um,

I get to see my girl, Morgan Stewart,

and my husband blindsides me for Christmas.

So 'tis this season.

I'm hearing things like

how Stassi has traumatized the family.

This family is so [bleep] up.

It is. We can all agree on that.

And I have two kids that make me want to just be, like,

I want to remove myself from this family.

I wouldn't say you necessarily traumatize me.

I just don't know you.

That's true.

We don't know each other. - You know?

Like-- - It was--

it's been really hard to get over

everything that you texted me.

I--I actually I find it impossible sometimes.

When my mom and I have gotten into fights or arguments,

Nikolai has messaged some pretty awful,

gross things to me that were incredibly hurtful.

Like, if you are just, like, Team Mom no matter what,

I was just, like,

yeah, I don't [bleep] with this energy.

And you told me, bro. And it hurt.

You told me we were never gonna be best friends like that.

And I was, like, OK, so I'm not talking to you.

And I stood by that.

I didn't because I thought you didn't want to talk to me.

I was, what, 15 when he was born?

Our relationship isn't that close.

Me and my siblings, we all have different dads.

And then my Mom has a habit of, like,

pitting my siblings against me.

There just doesn't feel like a grounding energy force

anywhere in our family.

I think we've all traumatized each other.

I think I shouldn't have said Stassi traumatizes the family.

No. That was like a really [bleep] thing to say, Georgi.

Yeah, no. It probably was, and I'm sorry.

I should have been better with my words.

I know now not to go to Georgia and talk about those things.

I'll go to my best friends.

When we're fighting, I just throw things out there.

Like she does, I'll say.

Not that it's a competition or anything, but I feel guilty.

So I just have to take accountability

and take this right now.

Despite everything, I love you.

- I love you, too. - I love you.

I love you, too. - I love you.

I love you. - I love you.

Thank you.

Well, I'm glad this didn't end in full disaster.

We got this.

Go, team.

Great meet-up. See you guys again in two years.

That made me like you a little more.

Thank you.

Come on, you little slowpokes.

- Come on, ladies. - The Molasses Sisters.

That should be the name...

Friendsgiving was a success.

But now that we're here, like, we need to stay here

because my making-up battery is on empty.

So I'm genuinely worried

for the next person who pisses me off.

The older we get, the less dysfunctional we get.

Well, let's hope and pray.

Hi.

You're getting up. You're getting up.

Yeah, of course.

So good to see you. - So good to see you.

Morgan Stewart is one of the great talents of our time.

Started doing Rich Kids of Beverly Hills,

that reality show,

about the same time I was doing Vanderpump Rules.

What are we drinking? What time is it?

You know what? It's almost noon.

We both have been, like,

the "mean girl" on our respective reality TV shows.

Cheers.

We both got married at the same time.

We had kids at the same time.

We both loved Chanel ballet flats.

Are we the same person?

Oh. Here we go.

So they're tuna tacos. Thank you.

Did you deal with your kids this morning?

Yes, I dealt with my kids this morning.

Stop talking. Stop screaming for one second.

I, like, check out. I'm, like, Mommy's peeing.

Mommy's peeing for an hour and a half.

- Isn't that wild? - It's wild.

Like, going to the bathroom by yourself becomes a luxury.

Yeah. And then eventually, they, like, find you.

Oh, yeah. - Or they're, like,

Daddy won't--

I'm, like, Daddy needs to deal with it right now.

What is this?

Oh, I forgot. I ordered meatballs.

Oh.

We're gonna finish it with our Manchego cheese.

Can we do half no-cheese? Is that OK?

Yes, that's fine. - Sorry.

Oh, my God. You don't eat cheese?

I hate cheese.

And my mom is [bleep] Swiss.

So it's, like, fondue and everything.

Your mom is so chic.

She's a little nuts, but she's pretty chic.

You're lucky you have such a good relationship with her.

It's, like--

Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

Not really.

What's the deal there?

She used to be this, like,

boss bitch when I was growing up.

OK. - Like, she had to hustle.

She didn't have that much money,

and I always was aware of that.

OK. And respected it.

Yup.

And then when I got on Vanderpump Rules,

she quit working.

So you feel like she put all the responsibility on you?

Yes.

I just, like, have an issue with people

who can't take care of themselves.

I just don't think it's possible.

I want the rest of my family around

for the sake of everyone.

But, like, me, my kids and my husband,

that's, like, really all that matters.

Once too much has happened, too many things have been said.

I'm just, like, boundary up.

Like, you don't have full access to my life.

It's, like, hard to even explain because--

Your energy feels very serious.

Like, I feel like when I'm around her, I tense up.

I feel like a serial killer. Right.

Do you have a therapist?

Oh, no. I can't.

But no therapy at all, ever?

I tried doing couples therapy,

and, like, I think it's so boring.

Couples? No, couples is boring.

It's so boring.

What were you gonna talk about in couples therapy?

Nothing?

That, like, Beau needs more physical touch or something.

I don't know.

I would snort this drink if I could.

I cannot with the physical.

Are you mean to Beau?

I don't think so.

It's just, like, hard. I think I am nice.

- There's a lot going on. - I'm not mean.

He likes that I'm mean. I know.

So I'm sorry.

That's the funniest thing.

He likes that I'm tough.

He likes that he has to chase me.

You want to be married to him forever, right?

Yes.

Like, no, so I'll go to therapy

or do all the things if I need to.

So you'll go back in a year?

When he asks? As a refresh?

When he asks earnestly.

On days that I don't have therapy, I wake up happy.

On days that I do have therapy, I wake up sad.

It puts me in a shit mood.

I am working out my issues constructively with Beau

right now, OK?

Could you imagine if we added therapy to that

in addition to this show?

No, thankies.

I'm gonna make you throw up. We did art therapy.

What's art therapy? Like, you did art together?

Yeah, like-- like, at our house.

I do love the sparkle that's in your eyes.

It's, like, brighter than it ever was before.

[bleep] off.

I think you've done what you need to do.

I think so, too. - I think that's enough.

Wife of the year.

You want some beard work? Beard dye?

I got you covered. - I'm gonna figure that out.

You're gonna figure it out when you get in the chair.

- Yeah. - I need a consultation.

You're in good hands.

I don't want to look, like, you know--I start crying.

I've had an emotional week.

And I just don't want to cry

and then start dripping, you know.

Did you think about that? I don't know.

I don't know.

I asked Rob to meet me at the barber shop

to get a little beard consultation.

Uh, looking to get back into casting,

so I really just want to look my best when I walk back in.

I feel old, I look old.

I look like I have a [bleep] vagina on my face

with my goatee.

Should I go light? Should I go darker?

Who knows? We'll find out.

I can keep the salt and add just a little pepper

so that this is not so prominent.

OK, I want some pepper into my salt, too.

OK. All right, Patty.

All right, let's do it. - Thank you so much.

Cheers. - All right.

Well, you don't want to see me on tequila,

you don't want to see him on Tito's.

Hold on. I gotta look real quick.

I gotta look.

What the shit?

I look like a Vegas magician.

Who's--who's the-- the tiger guys?

Sigmund and Freud.

I think I'd rather get, like, a tattoo that's spelled, like,

the wording wrong on my chest.

I was not expecting this.

I need a bag.

Someone cut some holes out and put a bag over my face.

I cannot walk out looking like this.

This is--this is ridiculous.

Just had a morning with Stass so I'm just kind of, like--

Already? Yeah.

Last night, I asked my sister Georgia

if she can watch the kids

so I can at least sleep in till 9:00 a.m.

This morning, Stassi decided to wake me up at 8:00 a.m.

And she's been gone the last few days

in New York for Tell Me Lies,

so this was my one time just to sleep in till 9:00 a.m.

My sister had everything covered, but Stassi said no.

This morning, Stassi's getting up

and, like, stomping around and she storms in.

She's, like, why aren't you up?

And I'm, like, Georgia's watching them till 9:00.

She's, like, you said 8:00. I'm, like, I said 9:00.

And she's, like, I have a scene to do.

And I'm like, I do too!

She just walks past me and I'm, like,

defense is up because now I'm in trouble.

Now I'm about to apologize for something else

that I [bleep] did that I have no idea what's going on.

You can't live like that, dude.

This will be less of an issue.

I started, um--I reached out to one of my old bosses

to see if I can start working again casting,

running sessions again.

A year ago, year and a half ago when I was working,

I [bleep] loved it.

I go to my job, it was socializing,

I was creating, I was working with actors.

This is-- this is what I want to do.

In the short term,

Stassi might get a little upset that I am going back to work,

but me going back to work makes me feel better.

So that's obviously gonna help our relationship.

If he's, like, yeah, I can hire you for the next job--

Great.

You know, do you go tell Stassi then?

No, no, no. I'm gonna tell-- no, no, no.

I'm not gonna pull a surprise on her.

Yeah. That would suck.

I'm just gonna let her know.

I'm gonna be honest about it and just say,

this is what's happening.

I actually don't know if I am gonna tell her.

I'm very scared of what she'll say and do.

I'm very scared.

Of course I'm scared of Stassi.

We'll see how it goes.

Do I look under 40 now?

Don't lie.

- Ooh, that's a good one. - Margarita for you.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

- And then here you go. - Thank you.

Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Teddy is 34 weeks pregnant,

so I mean, she could, like, literally go, like, any day.

Teddy leaves in a few days to go back to New York City,

but I have to stay for work.

Until the last second I can.

There's so little time for just the two of us left,

and I'm gonna miss a big part of it.

We're gonna have, like, a cute little date night.

And also, I really need tonight to make sure that

Teddy's, like, fully on board with me staying behind.

Ooh!

- Can I smell it? - Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.

I think that's what I want in the hospital.

I feel like everybody wants a margarita in the hospital.

Anyway, are you going to be mad if I don't cry

when I leave you at the airport?

You know what? I'm not gonna cry.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm good. I'm all cried out.

I'm good.

- I don't believe you. - We'll see.

If Stass gave you the green light and was, like, go home,

like, would you go home? - Yes.

So what's keeping you here now?

Work.

We received an offer from Netflix.

To be the streaming platform of Stassi's video podcast.

What?

Teddy and I, we've been in LA to get STASSI with Tay,

this podcast off the ground.

But now Netflix is gonna have the video portion

of the podcast, like, streaming?

I cannot miss this.

But, like, I also can't miss the birth of my child.

Stassi is not my boss, but Stassi is kind of my boss.

And she is literally paying me a paycheck.

If she says, we need to get the podcast up by this date

in January, and Netflix is on my ass--

also, I feel like Netflix is breathing down her neck

to release at a certain time.

This is where mine and Teddy's love is ruined forever.

Because I am staying.

Because this is my career and I need to give it my all.

And I need to show everybody involved

that I take this seriously, that this is important to me.

I am happy that we are where we are.

This is the right timing for us.

But this is exactly why I said,

maybe we should wait to start trying

until after we finally get the [bleep] green light

for the show.

I remember talking about the concept

of House of Stassi four years ago with Stassi and Beau

sitting around their island in their kitchen.

The way I have been a part of this every step of the way?

So the idea of missing out on any bit of this process,

it's just like-- it's a flat-out no.

- I waited for 3 1/2 years. - And I get it.

But, like,

this is [bleep] exactly why I was trying to hold out.

Children, child, whatever, equals money to me.

I'm our literal financial safety net.

My dad grew up poor,

so he's always really scared about not having money.

He transferred that fear onto me.

I have to do everything within my power

to keep making the bread.

Tay has used every excuse in the book

for me to push getting pregnant.

It was starting to get to the point where

I really was starting to resent all of her excuses,

and I think she didn't want me to resent this show.

But we waited long enough to get pregnant.

And so her saying I should have waited,

at this point, is just, like--

is total bullshit.

With this, while I'm so grateful for it,

it's, like, the more we get in the weeds with Stass

and we get on this train,

the less control we have over our lives.

Correct. - And I [bleep] hate that.

It's like, if they say, jump, you jump.

- Yeah. - Is that going to be, like,

the rest of our professional lives, is just, like, you know,

whatever Stassi says, that's what we do?

I look at this through a completely different lens.

And you've actually never really worked.

For, like, for a long, long time

in, like, a typical corporate environment.

I worked in tech for five years and I was--

Yes, but you worked from home.

It's different.

Like, I've--I spent 12 years in corporate America at Sirius.

The timing is not ideal,

but I've been doing this shit for 20 years,

and I finally feel like all of this is my big break.

The deal with Netflix, this is being on House of Stassi.

Like, this stuff is major.

And I've been working so hard for this.

And I finally [bleep] feel like it's happening for me,

and now I can't even enjoy it.

I don't want to sound ungrateful

because I am very grateful.

I think it's just an adjustment that I'm gonna have to make.

Just understand where I'm coming from.

And I completely hear where you're coming from.

And I know it's hard to be the breadwinner

and you've had a lot of pressure on yourself

for a long time.

It's just gonna be an adjustment for me.

I'm sick at the idea of missing this delivery.

I think Teddy would put on a brave face.

But I think it would make her love me less.

Like, I just feel like I want to throw up.

Are you ready?

Seriously, nothing makes me happier than Christmas.

If I could live in Christmas nine months out of the year,

that would be ideal.

Normally, I do, like, a themed tree every year.

Now, I don't theme the tree anymore

because I have children, and so we do hodgepodge trees.

Are we gonna do this?

Let's start with the Victorian bulbs.

I have, like, an open-door policy

when it comes to decorating the house for the holidays.

So Georgi and Georgia are here.

And Katie, she's a Christmas girl, too.

Merry Christmas. - Smells like Christmas.

We have different Christmas aesthetics,

but we're equally as passionate.

Who bought this for me?

- I did. - I'm gonna keep it.

Stassi's been sick,

so I just didn't know when was the right time

to actually tell her that I have a job interview.

Truthfully, there's just no good time to tell Stassi.

Yeah, I'm--I'm-- I'm screwed.

There's nothing better than this!

You're doing such a good job.

I'm gonna have to leave, too, in, like, 15 minutes.

To, uh, go see Jacob.

- To see who? - Jacob, casting, about, uh--

We're decorating the Christmas tree.

What the [bleep]?

I feel fully blindsided by this.

I'm gonna have to leave too, in, like, 15 minutes.

To, uh, go see Jacob.

We're decorating the Christmas tree.

What?

Awkward.

I think Beau didn't want to give Stassi a heads-up

because he didn't want to get into an argument about it.

Really?

Yeah. - OK.

'Cause this is the only time that he was able to see me.

OK.

It shouldn't be too long, but--

I'm just gonna see if I can--

Good job, Messer. Yeah.

Get some hours in, or--

I might look like I'm not reacting here.

Like, inside, I'm fuming.

I'm just pretending everything's OK for my kids.

So I'm just, like-- Short-circuiting.

Like, I don't know how I'm supposed to act right now.

- Just waiting for-- - Is your beard darker?

It looks good.

I mean, it's been a whole day.

It's, like, been over 24 hours.

And you've seen my face--

In all fairness, I didn't see you yesterday.

I've been sick in bed.

You didn't-- So don't.

Don't actually do that. Don't do that one.

No, no, you didn't-- you didn't--you did see me.

You did see me.

Do you look at my face?

Am I here?

This is not, like, you know,

that movie where everyone thinks the guy's alive

and you realize he's dead and then he's just a ghost.

Is that happening to me?

Like, I am here, right?

So we are moving out today.

- How do you feel? Excited? - Yeah, but also sad.

I know, but you're gonna have your own bed to sleep in now.

Yeah, we should start, like, finishing packing.

Yeah.

So we can get everything going.

I'm gonna actually go get changed.

I gotta go.

It looks like we're moving out just in time,

'cause it does not look like this is gonna end well.

I don't know if it's the reality show or what,

because this level of non-communication

is not normal for them.

After, uh, Friendsgiving, my mom came back here.

She wanted to give the kids their presents

because we're not gonna spend Christmas together.

Oh, yeah.

And my mom gave me and Georgi presents

and they came in a special box. Special plastic bag.

No. Are those teeth?

These are your teeth?

Dude.

I thought it was weird that my mom has report cards

from, like, second grade.

But this is a whole 'nother level here.

Your baby teeth?

My-- [bleep]

What did Mommy said?

I don't know.

I think it was a word. A bad word.

- Those are baby teeth? - Yeah.

Should I make a necklace for you with my baby teeth?

How do you feel about Kristina?

I think it went really well.

Yeah.

Well, OK, now that, like, everyone's on good terms again,

the band's back together, I feel like

it'd be cute to do, like, a girls' night.

Yes.

I was feeling real uncomfortable

about my friendships and my place here,

but I feel like we really did get to a good place

and resolve those issues.

I just want us to have a night out

where we just finally have fun.

All right, I'll be back. Um--

Good luck.

Yeah.

I know, like, our lives are chaotic, but, like,

he didn't tell me that he was going and having that meeting.

Damn.

Hey. - Hello.

- How did that go? - What's that?

First of all, why didn't you tell me?

You've talked about this for so long.

Yeah.

And then for you to actually--

Take the step to do it.

And then you don't tell me ahead of time.

I know. Well, maybe I just didn't--

Just while we're decorating for Christmas, you're like,

by the way, I'm gonna peace out and go do this.

I apologize. I just also--

this is something that I know that--that--

You're one of the main reasons why I didn't go back to work.

So I'm just kind of--

I guess I was just kind of iffy on telling you

until I figure it out.

Until we were in front of everyone.

That's what it felt like.

Well, how did it go?

It went great.

I miss it, man. You know?

I miss being here, miss you, miss hanging out.

I miss directing and doing all the stuff,

working with the actors.

I'll say not everyone is good at that job.

You are good at it.

Thank you. That's for sure.

I am happy to have you back.

My man. Thank you.

So just told him my schedule

and everything seems to work out with him.

Like, time-wise, and the times that I'm available.

OK.

Spouses don't keep major life decisions

like this from each other.

But then, to like, just do that to me

in front of my friends and family,

it was, like, kind of humiliating

and especially during a time that means a lot to me.

Tree looks great.

I know.

OK, well, it looks great.

Do you need anything?

I mean, you haven't asked me how I've been once.

Like, you've literally just ignored me.

Like, I've been on death's door.

Well, I haven't liked how you were treating me yesterday.

You had to get up one hour earlier than you thought.

Like-- - And you know what?

I would have loved my one hour.

Goddamn, Beau. - What?

You hold a grudge for 24 [bleep] hours.

No.

And you ignored me while I've been feeling like shit.

I'm annoyed the way-- yes, I'm not talking to you

'cause I'm really angry and and you never want to apologize

'cause you sat there with the door open.

I felt so sick. And I still do.

And you haven't given a shit. OK.

Well, 'cause I didn't know.

Just like you didn't talk to me either.

'Cause I woke up sick! For [bleep] sake, Beau!

OK.

This is what happens in a marriage.

OK.

Sometimes someone wakes up sick.

OK, OK. - Sometimes there's an issue.

Well, I apologize.

And to hold it over me for 24 hours--

I apologize again. You could've told me.

'Cause I don't feel good, it's like [bleep] ridiculous.

This isn't The House of Sickness.

Everyone's [bleep] sick.

I'm sorry that you're sick. - Thank you.

No, it's like--

I'm sorry that you're sick.

God.

If you're sick and you needed something,

you could have also told me.

We were in Italy for Vanderpump Villa

and I had it on camera.

You can go back to work. She said it on camera.

You know, I've heard you.

Like, I've--I've taken in the things that you've told me

about wanting to go back to work and do your own thing.

So if you want to go and do that, we will make it work.

Also, because I secretly know that

things always work out in my favor.

Also, we have Sonia. So what's the problem?

God damn it. Now I'm the [bleep] asshole.

It's frustrating that I'm still here still talking about it.

I should have just said [bleep] it a long time ago

and had the interview.

I probably would have been a lot happier

than I am right now.

Nothing is gonna deter me from going back to work,

especially this argument.

I'm over it.

This? Donations.

So many trucks.

But he likes them all.

Donation.

Why the helicopter?

I guess I've never seen him go--

Donation.

Aw.

Donation.

Are you thinking about each thing?

No.

Beau and I are clearing out the kids' toys

because Christmas is around the corner.

She's been telling me to get rid of this Christmas Barbie,

and I'm, like, no, I like it.

It's a vintage Christmas Barbie.

It is. - I'm keeping it.

But we haven't talked about that fight

after his job interview, and it's time to clock in

and hash it out even though I really don't want to.

Does she need this?

- Uh, yeah. - OK.

You know, we haven't really talked about

when you came home from the meeting with your ex-boss.

Mm-hmm.

I've thought about it a lot.

It's like I want to find a way

for you to feel like you have your own thing.

You know, I know you're resentful, too.

You don't communicate with me.

I think that you should own that

that was a choice to wait till--

All right. - The last minute. Like--

OK.

What do you need from me

in order for you to not be resentful?

Um--

Stop with the jokes about how it's not making any money.

This is something that brings some creativity

and brings some life back into my feelings.

So I don't see what is the issue.

Why are you getting emotional?

I'm just scared. Like, I'm scared.

It's literally 30 minutes after Sonia is done

that I will be back. - I know.

But you do so much during the day here,

and it's just, like, scary.

How many times do I have to say, this is not a--

Just don't get frustrated.

- I am frustrated. - I'm just trying to be honest.

I am frustrated.

I understand that you're honest, but it's--

I'm wanting to do everything to support you.

I'm just scared that I--

That the dishes aren't gonna be done?

I'm so lucky that my kids have a dad they love

so much to the point where they prefer him over me.

Like, they're gonna grow up with zero [bleep] daddy issues.

That's incredible.

All I've known of our family life

is me constantly working on things and working on things

and knowing that you're the heart of the home.

I don't think that's crazy for me to feel that way.

It's not about, like, me being alone with the kids

for an extra 30 minutes or something.

Like, that's not the [bleep] point.

He is the heart of this place.

Growing up, life was not stable.

And I know it wasn't for you.

Like, all I want is stability for me,

for you, and for our kids.

OK?

It's just so important that I give my children

the biggest happy family possible.

Because I feel like at times,

I had that growing up, and at times I really didn't.

I need you to talk to me.

OK. Well, I didn't know that you felt like this.

I just thought this was all about

you being alone with the kids

because they're so hard to deal with.

No.

And I'm not there and that's--

It's not about that.

It's bigger than that. I need you to reassure me.

I need to feel like we're a team.

And I felt really alone the other day.

Like, that made me feel, like, oh,

this is already separating us.

I didn't realize that this was her experience

and how she feels about me going back to work,

and I wish that, like, I knew that before

rather than this back-and-forth

for, you know--

Like, over a year now.

I think you'll be fine.

And I think when I'm back and you'll be, like,

oh, I was freaking out over nothing.

OK. Well, I really want you to be really happy.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I know that I need to encourage Beau to do the things he loves,

be his own person.

But, like, there's still some, like, uncertainty around it.

I don't think it's gonna be as easy for me

as he thinks it's gonna be.

But time will only tell.

After the last couple of days, I feel like

a girls' night is exactly what I need.

Hello. Hi.

Hi. - Do you die?

Very Ralph Lauren.

Beau is out with Rob, Nick, Teddy.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, cheeky chic.

You guys, girls' night.

Nothing says progress like separate group hangouts.

Thanks for including me on boy night.

This table's table so thin, I feel like we're [bleep].

Whoa.

Is that how it works? Hey.

- Is that how it [bleep] works? - That's exactly how it works.

Like this, sitting up?

Yeah.

Learn something new every day.

Honorary lesbians.

I am sitting here having a panic attack.

Why?

Teddy, she's leaving on Saturday.

I'm staying.

I am making a decision to stay here.

20 years of, like, working so [bleep] hard.

And I just hope she's telling you the truth.

Yeah.

That she's OK with it because

I'm just feeling, like, really shitty about it.

Is this the beginning, of like, I have to work?

You know what I mean?

And, like, we have a baby now and this is first place.

We need to be able to support the baby,

which is Tay's, like, number one fear.

So it's like if she has to do X, Y and Z

and sacrifice time from us, I get it.

It's just, like, this is the worst [bleep] time.

I think that it's actually gonna be good for you guys.

And then when you come back and you see her,

you're gonna be feeling really happy and healthy

that you accomplished this.

It's just gonna make your relationship stronger.

- Who is flying back with you? - No one.

- I'll go with you. - You don't have to.

I have a guy picking me up and I'll be fine.

That doesn't sound shady.

I got a guy. I got a guy.

- I got a guy. - I got a guy back in Jersey.

I got a guy.

So can I tell you who I met last night?

Yeah.

You're, like, on to bigger and better.

Kris Jenner?

We were at the L'Oreal Women of Worth event.

I saw that she'd gone to the bathroom

and I was, like, I'm not going to be that person

that follows a celebrity into the bathroom.

So, um, uh, we waited, like, outside.

And Stassi's basically like, Kris, I love you.

I'm such a fan.

And Kris is like, oh, stop. Keep going.

You know how Kris be.

You know, I can't wait till the next time I get to meet her

when I'm probably a little bit more normal

and, like, I will have some more to say.

I didn't even take a photo with her.

- You didn't take a photo? - You should have been like,

do you guys want a photo together?

Oh, facts, facts. I should have done that.

- Why didn't you do that? - I thought maybe a picture

would make it way too fan-girly.

And so that, like-- you're gonna meet again.

You could establish more of a friendship than like--

Correct.

Because if you took the photo,

she's gonna put you in that category.

You're welcome.

You actually might not be wrong.

Manifest that. Manifest that for yourself.

Every damn day.

- Should we cheers? - We should cheers.

What are we cheersing to? To friendship, to--

Getting outside of your comfort zone.

That applies to me, the baby. So that was for me.

- Cheers! - Cheers.

- I cheersed the first time. - No, you didn't.

Cheers.

Thanks for having me out to dinner, guys.

- Cheers. - Of course.

Yeah.

How did your interview go? - Good.

You're on the job hunt right now?

No, I went back to one of my old bosses

that I worked for, like, almost two years ago.

What did he say?

He said yeah. So I'm just waiting on--

It would be, like, part-time?

Yeah.

How did Stass take your meeting?

We were tree-decorating, and I was, like, all right,

so, um, I'm gonna run out in 15.

Um-- - I'm sure she loved that.

Oh, wait. You just dropped that?

You just,

"I'm going for the milk" dad-ed them?

Yeah.

I guess we need cigarettes. I'll be right back.

You set yourself up for failure.

It's like, you could have told me this

any other day, and you're telling me this

right at the moment that--

I'm, like, family decorating time.

I didn't tell her 'cause every time I do talk to her

about it, she gets angry.

Now that you did the meeting, how is Stass taking it all?

We talked this morning.

It was a very strange reaction that I wasn't expecting.

It was intense.

You're acting like I'm literally going to

another country for three months to do a casting of--

of small villagers of a rural Romanian--

We now know what Beau wants to do.

You know, a vampire cult or something.

I definitely prefer communicating

with Stassi this way.

It's vulnerable and it doesn't feel like it's an attack

or belittling how I feel about,

you know, my career and things that I wanna do.

I'm like, I wish she would talk to me

like this more often.

It was just such a different thing. It was wild.

All I've known of the last few five years of my life

is what we've built.

Beau does so much for our family

in such a great way that, like, it's a lot to live up to.

It's a lot of things that I-- I don't have the gift for.

If Beau went back to work,

I would have to start bringing Hartford to school.

I would have to start packing her lunches,

making their dinner.

I can't cook dinner.

I know I can technically, like, do anything I set my mind to.

But, like, can I? I don't know.

So, like, this is scary that, like, it would change.

Nothing's broken. Why are we trying to--but--

Yeah.

Tay and I have talked about this

and I've known you for, like, almost a decade.

You are the most fun,

the most vibrant person who walks into the room.

And I feel like over the past few years,

I haven't seen that as much.

I just want to see the old Beau back.

- Yeah. - You know?

I want to see, like, fun, happy, vibrant guy that I met.

I second that.

When you're cognitively going,

OK, I need something to shift in my own life,

and then somebody saying, I'm not letting you do that...

Yeah.

And it's your most important person in the world--

Oh, yeah, that's-- that's frustrating.

I don't think Stassi has ever had a safe space.

And Beau represents that safe space.

I think knowing that she has somewhere to come back to

that's normal, that's predictable,

is kind of all that she wants.

But at least you got there to a point

where she's actually starting to tell you

what the real shit is.

She's not angry you're going back to work, she's scared.

I can feel for Beau. Max is more the breadwinner.

You're more the breadwinner.

Like, it feels more about Max and his schedule

and what he has going on.

And, like, I feel like I have to ask, like,

can I take a shower?

My time away is, like, going grocery shopping.

So I think that when I do ask more of him

and it shifts his schedule,

I have this sense of, like, he's gonna be mad at me.

He's gonna resent me.

Like, all that stuff builds up

and it's almost just not worth it.

And I'm, like, I'm just not even going to bring it up.

When I hear Kristina talk about this,

I have a little more empathy for Beau,

but in no way am I like, now, what can I take on?

No. We do have a nanny.

Like, Beau does get to leave the house and live his life.

I feel like two weeks ago, he just, like,

went midday and saw a movie.

Like, come on.

When we say we feel like your lights have been dimmed

or you've--it's felt different, like, do you agree with that?

I think that's-- that's pretty spot-on.

I feel like I just haven't felt like myself

probably in the last five years.

There's just something that is missing

where I do feel a little hollow inside

and I don't know what to do about it.

When we say we feel like your lights have been dimmed

or you've-- it's felt different,

like, do you agree with that?

I think that's-- that's pretty spot-on.

Over the years for me, who is very social,

who wants all those things,

that since I'm not having that, I'm just--

like, I feel like I'm in solitude

and my daily thing is waking up with the kids

and it's just--I'm-- it's boring.

It's the same thing over and over again.

Yeah.

There's like a window open right now,

and I feel like you have to just be, like,

[bleep] it and crash through it.

Yeah.

And be, like, no looking back.

Let your hair down the window, Rapunzel.

Yeah.

Yeah, when people just talk about how difficult

being a parent is, it just affirms

that it's just not for me.

Tom and I, like, we've been separated or divorced now

for almost four years.

Shut the [bleep] up. I know.

If I was also now sharing a child with my ex?

Like, the dogs are one thing 'cause, like,

those are still my babies. Uh-huh.

But, like, it's very different than having a kid.

I know, I'm so grateful that

my husband and I did not have kids together.

But also, like, we got to do it privately.

Like, you guys had to go through divorce on TV.

That's hard. Yeah.

- You got married on TV. - Oh, my God. I forgot.

And you got divorced on TV.

Like, going through relationships on TV.

I didn't join Vanderpump Rules

because Max was, like, I'm not gonna do it.

Like, I can't even imagine, like,

watching what you guys went through and, like--

I don't know how--

I'm amazed I'm alive sometimes.

I feel that way, too.

Like, especially you, 'cause you had--

- Jax. - Not one.

- Frank, Patrick. - Three terrible dudes.

I had no [bleep] control in any of my relationships.

Frank tried to sell my sex tape and show it to everyone.

That's true, dude. That's true.

Are you joking?

That is so [bleep] insane.

And he would show up at my apartment

when I was already living in New York.

But Jax hooked up with your best friend.

Beau is so lucky I'm not more controlling.

I have to have control over my home life.

Have you ever dealt with that in therapy?

No! My God.

I don't need it.

I'm traumatized from being adjacent to that,

so there's no way that you aren't maybe

carrying a little bit of shrapnel.

If there's even, like, a shred of it

in decision-making moving forward with you and Beau,

I think it's worth taking a look at.

Mm-hmm.

I'm a divorcee.

I never thought that I would get a divorce,

so it kind of makes me think that, like,

anybody could potentially get a divorce.

You're not gonna be together

if you're not communicating.

And I'm worried for Stassi and Beau

because it sounds like they're not communicating.

Rather than us having these little sidebar conversations,

all of her friends need to

bring it up to her that there are some concerns.

I don't want to hear anyone's thoughts.

Your housewarming party will be fun.

- Mom and Nikolai are coming. - Oh.

Oh.

The things that you said to me were horrible.

- Name them. - You don't care.

The second that I got my shit together, everything changed.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?

That was the biggest bullshit I've ever heard in my life.

I'm happy when he's happy.

Did you work? - I did.

And I want to see him happy.

He went back to work. - How's it going?

I still forgot to ask.

I can't sacrifice myself for the sake of him.

I don't want her to feel like we're ganging up on her,

but I don't feel like she's left us another option.

I'm just shocked that Rob narced me out.

- I didn't narc you out. - You did, schoolgirl.

[bleep] my [bleep].

When I met you in Villa, like, I knew nothing.

And then I got home, and then, like, social media.

And I was, like, oh.