Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

(gentle music)

(dog barks)

- What d'you say, dude?

Thought we'd seen the last of you.

- Ah, nope.

- Hung around so much I thought I'd make a palmetto planter

out of that cute little bottom of yours.

- Oh no, you wouldn't have done that, Roy.

You're too busy dealing shrimp to the tourists.

- Roy, what are we getting

for these Kalooza Hatchy crappy whompers?

- Six bits and tax, but don't reorder 'em.

The tourists are starting

to find out they don't catch any fish with 'em,

none at all.

- [Tom] Sounds just like home,

just you fixed up the dock, Roy.

- Hey, glad to see you home!

- [Tom] Good to see you, sir.

- Hey, still meaning to guide as bad?

- Oh more than ever, sir.

- [Faron] I'll be damned.

- [Tom] Aren't you starting a little late today, Carter?

- I'm not guiding today. - Oh.

- Hey, I know what, let's do,

let's go out and get Old Nichol Dance.

He's out on the flats with his,

he's on his annual suicide run.

We'll go out and look for him.

Come on, it's flat and calm today.

- All right.

- I got this new power turbo net thing, man.

That son of a bitch will go.

(light music)

No, you can't even tune the damn thing.

You got one at the moment.

Bucket seats in a station wagon,

I mean, that's the stupidest damn thing I ever heard of.

Hey, you know how to disconnect them damn seat belt buzzers?

- No, but I can give it a try.

- Yeah?

- [Tom] Jeez.

(Faron laughs)

- Ain't that a sight?

Well, let's get this basket case home.

Though, I don't know where that's gonna get us.

With his wife gone, he ain't got a pot to piss in

or a window to throw it out.

Yeah, that skiff's about all he's got left.

That's about it.

- I'm gonna choose me a career in show business.

- [Faron] Well, you give me a real feeling

you've already had one.

- You the Skelton boy?

- [Faron] That's him, Nichol.

- You're always on the damn flats out there in front of me.

- Yes, sir, I'm kind of studying you.

(Faron laughs)

- I wonder how come, uninvited and all?

- Well, I enjoy water sports.

- Very good, but I wouldn't really recommend it.

- But I wasn't applying for recommendations.

- You don't follow me.

I am suggesting how unattractive a day

on the open water can get.

- But I'd have known

that a person would ruin a good boat trip

if he'd gone out to shoot himself.

(gun fires)

(birds squawk)

- Nichol, that pistol has become an all-around liability.

- [Nichol] Well, I got a headache.

And I got a runaway wife

and a moving van up in the Everglades.

And I don't need it.

- Why, good Lord!

It's the original one and only lone survivor.

What is it, makes a man keep wanting to go on the same tour,

year after year, huh?

(Roy laughs)

Or is an annual rescue just something every boy should have?

- What ails you, Roy?

- Why, Nichol, I was just about ready

to ask you that same question.

What in the hell ails you?

(Roy yells)

- [Tom] Hey, you can't be serious, stop it!

(Roy whimpers)

(Roy screams)

(ominous music)

- Cart, you'd better get some law in here,

'cause I got half a mind to wind this arc welder's clock.

Roy, I do believe I'd go to Raiford Prison over you.

- [Faron] Jesus Christ, Nichol!

All right, easy now.

You ain't hurt bad.

- Now I'm gonna have to go to the slammer.

God, I'm going to lose a world of bookings over that.

Why did I do that?

Now I got to go to jail.

- Well, hell, I'll take your bookings.

If I could use your boat, we could split the fee.

- Yeah, I'd like that.

Otherwise, Carter will get a certain number of my clients.

Anybody you take, I'll get back.

- Myron, make me up a list

of my blank days and cancellations,

and then, uh, call my wife

and tell her we're going dancing.

And the minute you get a chance,

I want you to move Dance's car out there,

because it's gonna drive away business.

Myron?

(marching band music)

(car door thuds)

- Hey. - Hi, baby.

Honey, we're gonna have a little talk.

- Let me just finish ironing your shirt.

I know they say they're stay-press, but they lie.

I'll be with you in just a minute.

- You haven't bought anything today, have you, honey?

- Oh.

I burned the shirt.

What?

- You haven't bought anything today, have you?

- Not today, hon.

- Well, that's great, baby,

'cause we got enough of these showpieces.

- Well, they mean something to me, Cart.

And I have to be home all day.

- Plus, I'm not booked every day.

Now old Dance is gonna be back in action full-time,

sooner or later, and that Skelton kid is good,

and he's gonna end up with a shit-house load

of my business if I don't stick to my P's and Q's!

- Faron, we've had such fun with the things that we bought.

Don't you even remember?

- Oh, honey, why are we bringing all this up again?

- I don't know.

It just seems time, I guess.

Well, you know something, Cart?

You are okay.

- What do you mean?

- 'Cause you can just dub

and hit the old bulls-eye any time you want to.

I mean, it's not like you lack the know-how.

- Oh, I think I'm beginning to get the picture.

- Yeah, I think you are, too.

- Mm-hmm, well, let me check now

and see if I'm beginning to get the picture.

- [Jeannie] Okay.

- Are you in a family way, Jeannie?

- Yes, sir, I am.

- That sounds like a great showpiece, babe.

That sounds like I got the old picture right off.

Now, wait, wait a minute, honey,

if those are photos of the unborn child,

I don't want to look at 'em now.

- Oh Cart, don't you look bored,

because you were the one that last week asked me

to explain the difference

between a pyrolytic self-cleaning oven

and a catalytic self-cleaning oven.

If I'm gonna have a child to see after,

I'm not gonna have time to be cleaning the oven.

Now pictured here is an actual panel

from a pyrolytic self-cleaning oven

that's been soiled with prune pie spillover, like that.

- Well, I'm glad it's prune pie spillover and not the baby.

- Well, the cycle is complete here.

And you will notice there is no sign

of the prune pie spillover remaining, but here...

- Honey, I think I want to turn in for a while, all righty?

- Faron Carter, are you fixing to cry?

- All right, go on with what you were saying.

- What was I saying?

- About, you know--

- Carter and Dance. - Carter and Dance.

- The best guides I know.

- Mm-hmm.

Guys or guides?

- [Tom] Guides, fishing guides.

- Guides, good.

- [Tom] The sun and the moon.

- Toothbrush, who's the moon?

- [Tom] Dance is the moon.

- Uh-huh.

- Now they would never be caught dead in a boat like this.

They have these machines, these sinister machines.

God damn it, Miranda, you don't pay attention to me.

- I'm listening to you. - This is important to me.

- I am listening to you.

They have machines.

They are guides, not guys.

- Carter has a machine like Dance's,

well, almost like Dance's.

- I'm nearly out. - But Dance's will high center

on a shallow bank. - Uh-huh.

- Carter can pole in dew,

drop right in on those little basins

where all the fish sit, faced up-tide, you know,

on the incoming water.

Old Dance, he fishes it.

He fishes the tides like a sniper.

It's amazing.

He sits there and waits for the fish

to come to him or his chum slick.

Carter, he's more of a traditionalist.

He fishes the old style, he poles,

right up near the flats, you know.

What are you doing?

- Putting my flippers on.

Oh I'm sorry, darling, yeah. - That's all right.

- Uh-huh. - He poles his skiff

from the bow, right up on the edge of the flats

in the early flood. - Mm-hmm.

- Then dropping back to the mangroves on the high water,

looking for the waking fish.

Do you know what a waking fish is?

It's a fish that moves through the water

and kicks up a wake with its fins.

- Hey, am I safe in here?

- From what?

- From sharks?

- Yeah.

Now Carter fishes-- - Hey.

- Falling water-- - How do you know that?

- And Dance, because I've studied them all my life.

- No, how do you know I'm safe from sharks?

- 'Cause I've studied them all my life.

God, I hate these beds.

They hurt my back, and they give me nightmares.

- [Miranda] Well, honey, just ride with the tide

and go with the flow.

- [Tom] What?

Miranda, do you want to go over to my folks with me?

(Tom grunts)

- Thomas, why do you want to guide?

- It's the only thing I can do half right.

It's as simple as that.

- [Goldsboro] Hello, champion.

I'm glad to see you. - Thank you, sir.

- [Goldsboro] Yes, sir.

- How do you fell, Daddy?

- He feels perfectly well.

- If no one gets your asshole granddad out

of here, I will shit my pants and die on purpose.

- Don't you get sarcastic with me.

Damned if I got that many years to live anyway.

- Drop it.

- You got a job yet, bright boy?

- I'm starting.

- Doing what?

- Guiding.

- Oh, guide (laughs), oh that's great.

That is terrific.

I'll see you every night at the Red Doors

with the rest of those drunken charter boat captains.

- When did you join the lecture tour?

- Lecture tour?

He joined the lecture tour

at precisely the point local people weren't buying his brand

of malarkey anymore.

- [Mrs Skelton] Soup's on!

- Mm, what are we gonna have?

- Snapper and a salad.

- Yuck!

I can't eat that,

can't eat that nigger food!

- Then it's time for you to go, Goldsboro.

And you very much have to work on your manners.

- Life is glorious.

Can't you understand one thing?

Get out of bed!

- Your grandfather's Huey Long complex

has finally put him beyond communication.

I'm not sure the old bastard ever did have good sense.

- Can't we enjoy it? - No!

- Well, I can. - We cannot.

You can, that's because he's out of sequence for you.

I can't enjoy his antics any more than you can enjoy mine.

And that's how she goes, human history.

It takes 11 kinds of meat to make one can of Spam,

plus one can of protein byproducts to feed the cat.

- Spam (laughs)?

- [Nichol] Roy died.

- [Tom] He what?

- [Nichol] He died.

- [Tom] I can hardly believe that you killed him.

- (chuckles) I didn't.

I just punched that little hole in him,

and he leaked out and quit on me.

I feel like I've been framed.

(grunts) Yeah, my next piece of ass will be

in about 20 years, I imagine.

I'm the kind of guy who'd fuck a brush pile

if I thought there was a snake in it.

- [Tom] I, you killed a man up North once before, I'd heard.

- Yeah, I did,

some dizzy exercise boy about 40 years old,

some kind of damned fiend.

Used to come in my bar dressed up in one thing or another,

you know, just trying to give me the willies.

Well, one day he came in dressed up like a moth.

He was carrying this cake knife,

had wedding cake on it and blood all over it.

Well, he sat down, and he put this cake knife

on the bar in front of him and ordered a creme de menthe

on shaved ice (laughs), and then he started screaming at me.

Well, of course, I didn't pay any attention to him,

and then he started waving this knife around.

He was gonna cut me.

All I can tell you is I just blew

that screaming Mimi's ass off.

My old Colt just took him halfway across the room.

He lay there, and made a wet spot so big

you couldn't jump over it in track shoes.

He was all wings, and he was dead.

(laughs) Go on and get them Yankees their fish.

- Hey, you're all in good hands with this boy.

He's a fish hawk (laughs).

You ought to find some bonefish in the Snipe Keys

on this incoming water.

- Come on board.

- [Faron] Snipe Keys is where you're gonna get

your bonefish, buddy.

(Faron laughs) - Hate to take you

all the way to Boca Chica,

but it's the best bet for the fish,

only it's right in the way of the Navy landing pattern.

- Oh, we don't mind,

if the fish don't mind.

(all laugh)

- Hey, Cart, the fish mind about those jets?

- I don't know about that.

All I know is about the Snipe Keys and your bonefish

on that incoming water.

- Thanks, Cart.

(Faron laughs)

(engine rumbles)

- [Faran] Snipe Keys.

- Boca Chica, in the long run. (Faron laughs)

Well, Mr Rudleigh, there's a school of fish,

about 11 o'clock.

Well, they're gone.

We'll find some others.

- You've got to bear down.

- I'm bearing down.

- Well, bear down harder, honey.

- I said I'm bearing down.

(bird squawks)

- Good, now it's my turn.

Pardon me.

Come here, little--

- Mrs Rudleigh, there's a school of fish.

They're just about under the boat.

- [Mrs Rudleigh] I know, but don't make me nervous.

I'll be right there.

Tell them to wait.

Ready to go now, you ready?

Are you ready?

(Mrs Rudleigh grunts)

Oh God. - God!

- Something's gone askew.

Oh wait, wait.

Will you not?

I'm-- - Sit down!

- Oh pull yourself together.

- I can fish rings around you, queen bee, always could.

Besides this is my outfit, get it?

You son of a bitch!

What's this thing doing to me now?

- Hey!

(Mr Rudleigh grunts)

Oh way off.

- Leave it, the fish is going for it.

Strike him!

(reel whirs) (Mr Rudleigh grunts)

- (laughs) Captain, this is a nigger with a hot foot.

Oh God, this cookie's stronger than I am.

Captain, consider it absolutely necessary

that I kill this fish.

It doubles both the Honduran and the Yucatan averages.

- All right, you stay here.

I'll get your fish for you.

- Is this really double the Honduran and Yucatan averages?

- Not remotely.

- What in the world did you tell him that for?

- He annoyed me.

(reel whirs)

(slow string music)

(solemn music)

(dramatic music)

(birds twittering)

(engine purrs)

(slow country music) (patrons chattering)

Come on, Captain, join us.

Oh come on. - Hey, Tom!

It was only in fun.

Oh Captain. - Here he is, Nichol.

(customers laugh)

- [Mr Rudleigh] Captain?

Captain.

- Now wait here, I'll talk to him.

Hey, Tom, Tom, wait a minute.

Hey, can I talk to you a minute?

- Sure.

- Listen, it was all just in fun, all of it.

- What was all in fun?

- The whole thing was all in fun.

- I don't understand, Cart.

What whole thing was all in fun?

- Well, it was all in fun

when old Nichol followed you out there.

He just wanted to give you a little start there

by stealing your clients.

- He did that.

He gave me a little start, all right.

- Oh, maybe he just thought you might be

too much prospective competition or something.

You know how old Dance is.

He's all crazier than hell.

- You got a match?

- Yeah.

- I see Roy made it through his gaffing all right.

Thanks. - Oh, Roy.

That was a three-stitch scratch.

It was all just horsin' around, the whole thing.

- Pretty well-planned horsing around, if you ask me.

You guys got some good teamwork.

Cart, were you in on the planning?

- Well, I mean, I knew about it.

I mean, all of us in there knew about it.

- Cart, why don't you go back inside to whoever's all

in there and have a drink, huh?

Go have a beer or something.

(slow country music)

- Yeah, I was waiting for two weeks.

We tried everything.

It didn't work (laughs).

(slow country music)

There's a hole in the damn thing.

It was brand new.

The transmission went out in only two months.

So I just got, oh wow, I started to say something bad there.

(both laugh)

(slow country music)

(fire whooshes)

(fire crackles)

(explosions boom)

- Will you not?

- I'll tell you what.

You're welcome to my skiff on my blank days.

Myron, check my schedule for the next few days there.

Hey, that'll see you through till you get your skiff built.

- Well, that's very kind of you.

- Naturally, there'll have to be a small usage charge.

- Naturally.

- Let me tote these possible days up,

now see where that leaves you.

- Well, what did you uncover?

- Sort of rank.

- Nichol, how are you fixed?

- If turkeys was going for 10 cents a pound,

I couldn't buy a raffle ticket on a jaybird's ass.

If it cost a cent to rent a tuxedo for an elephant,

I couldn't a T-shirt for a flea (laughs).

- A raffle ticket on a jaybird's ass?

- Shut up, Myron.

(Nichol laughs)

- Nichol, are you gonna get around doing anything

about that boy?

- Well, since I had, uh, bad luck that day shooting myself,

I've kind of lost interest in shooting anything else.

He wasn't a bad kid, you know.

We pushed him pretty hard.

- Pushed him too hard?

We sent him to the school of hard knocks,

the same one you and me went to.

- I don't know if he intends to guide, good as he is.

My situation is I can't permit it.

- Green Bay missed the extra point.

It's bad.

They're threatening again.

Watch now, this close to the end zone,

the linebackers will be keying off the running backs.

- [Announcer] This time, around the end, and he's over!

And there's another flag, down in the--

(switch clicks)

- Do me a favor?

- Name it.

- Get off the violence.

You're a dilettante at it.

Violence is an art, like any other.

- The violent dilettante?

- It's curious, watching you throw yourself

into their life.

My approach is to withdraw

into my bug-free bedroom here, the search

for a religiously plausible future, he said.

- Children, well, who do you think I just had a drink with?

Your old chum, Nichol Dance.

Well, I took a look at that boy's insurance situation,

and I discovered that he is not going to lose one dime.

So I told him that if he tried to pull you into court,

I'd run him out of Monroe County on a rail,

and I added that I wouldn't do so bad

in Dade County, either.

"Mr Dance," I said, "Mr Dance, your various woes,

"why don't you just farm 'em out to the insurance company?"

Course, I had myself backed up

with a transcript of his criminal record.

I suppose you know he is vicious.

He had that old dockmaster so spooked, you know,

that he wouldn't dare press charges.

What were you doing in his boat?

- Guiding.

- Oh, why don't you get a boat of your own?

- I haven't got enough money yet.

I'm going to try to get that job back I had this summer,

roofing and tiling.

- Yeah?

How much would your own boat cost you?

- 4,000 to build and power right.

- You, uh,

you want me to stake you?

- Sure.

- Yeah, how would you pay be back?

And don't laugh so fast.

- I'd pay you back out of my guiding,

and I was laughing as slow as molasses.

- Of course, I doubt that you'd be able to make enough

to pay me back, except that this Dance keeps telling me

how good you are, and you take it from me.

You laugh pretty goddamned quick.

- It gives him something to do.

(dog barks)

- I told you that old man was a grown beast.

- He's worse than that.

- I told you he was.

- He didn't leave me a pot to piss in.

- I told you.

- Why am I doing this?

I'm just making work for myself.

I don't need to salt and brine no damn pile of fish.

I don't need to smoke no damn pile of fish!

I ain't feeling all that bright!

I even feel a little dumb!

(dog barks)

I need some credence,

because damned if I ain't gettin' pushed

and bent all out of shape around here!

My skiff's all burnt to shit, and that old man,

that old crud, he wants me to wait on the insurance.

Well, fuck him.

(scoffs) God knows we pressed that boy a little hard.

Sometimes you do a thing wrong, and it's done.

There you are.

That's it, it's done.

- Nichol, do you really think you're gonna have

to waste that boy?

- I don't know.

(gun clicks)

But I know one thing.

I'm going to end up with some credence,

or I'm gonna know the reason why.

- [Faron] Don't wave that gun at me, Nichol.

- I'm gonna get some collateral.

You know what I'm trying to tell you.

- [Faron] Yeah.

- You tell me, Cart.

What is happening to this Florida sportsman?

I mean, you know, where is my recreation at?

- Hey, don't you think it's really interesting

that we've been lovers all this time,

and we still live in separate houses?

- As a matter of fact, yes.

Miranda, you have got to go.

- I just walked 10 blocks!

- I can't take the chance.

- You can't take the chance?

I'll have my tubes tied.

- That is not what I'm talking about.

That's Dance's car.

- Don't you want me to wait for you?

- Yes, at your house.

Miranda. - Don't, all right.

(solemn music)

- Get out of here.

(solemn music)

- [Nichol] Sit down.

- How are you doing?

- Not too bad.

I lost my boat. - Mm-hmm.

- But apart from that, not too bad.

- Mm-hmm, what's the gun for?

- I thought it might help you see what I mean

when I tell you that you won't be guiding.

- Oh, kind of a visual aid.

- You know, I don't seem to have all

that much credence with you.

Now I like you well enough.

- [Tom] I like you, too.

- Wait a minute.

I like you well enough to tell you

that you ought to pay attention

to the advice I just gave you,

because I more or less just don't give a shit anymore.

- [Tom] I understand.

- I notched this gun once.

- I'd heard.

Remember, you told me?

- Not that that exercise boy didn't deserve his ventilation.

- Well, I've never dressed up like a moth.

- I never said you did.

So you better listen to what I'm telling you.

Don't make me feel so dumb

or like I don't have all that much credence with you,

and we may even get to be friends.

- [Tom] Okay.

- Well, I guess I'll be leaving now.

- So long.

(upbeat music)

- Tom, could turn that radio down, please,

just a little bit?

All right, okay.

Oh what time is it? - Eight.

- Oh God, I've got one shoe, okay.

- Want an English muffin and some marmalade?

- I can't have English muffins.

I got seventh-grade geography in half an hour.

(Miranda mumbles)

- You know, my gold inlay is really hurting me.

The only piece of jewelry I ever bought myself,

I'll be damned if I'm gonna swallow

that son of a bitch, look.

There, see that,

kind of stays inside.

- They're gonna steal that when you're dead anyway.

There, how do I look?

- Terrific, I never saw anything like that

when I was in seventh grade.

- Ooh, I haven't got my books.

I'll wing it in geography.

That's what I'll do.

- Tell them Miami Oolite doesn't run southwest of Big Pine.

- Well, we're still on the East Coast alluvial shelf.

Besides, you're thinking of Key Largo limestone.

- No, actually I was thinking about how nice it would--

- And so was I.

(lips smack)

(upbeat music)

- Hey, Tom.

- Hi, Mr. Powell.

- What are you doing around here?

- Looking for a boat.

- The last time I built a boat for anybody

in your family was for your grandfather.

It was a launch, and it damn near sank

because of the engines he made me put in.

- Yeah, I saw some photographs of that one.

That's a pretty outrageous boat.

- Totally worthless, probably pulling in crawfish traps

at Washer Woman Shoals now.

- (chuckles) Is this a boat?

- It's a plank.

Is what I hear true, about old Nichol's skiff?

- Not hardly.

Jim, are you willing to build me a guide skiff?

- You know, material and labor cost a hell

of a lot of money.

Can you pay for it?

- Yes, sir.

- Well, I know old Dance is gonna be here looking

for one, too, just as soon as he hears about that insurance.

- Well, you can consider this a firm order.

- Firm order, huh?

Well, firm orders get put down on paper.

Put it down, see what it looks like.

There you are.

- Thank you.

- I guess you want live wells, right?

- Oh yeah, for sure.

And I want it like this, aft,

three interconnecting hatches, huh.

See, three hatches with interconnecting waterways routed

to a taper so they drain to the sump right here.

- All right, three hatches.

All right, let's have the rest of it.

- Okay, all the fittings flush-mounted to drive-fit.

- Flush-mounted, right.

- Uh-huh, and probably a half-inch overhang

on this aft bulkhead here.

- Half-inch overhang,

hey, you laid this out pretty good.

- Well, I thought about it on the drive over.

I'll have my fuel mounted forward,

so I won't have to vent the forward bulkhead

and put a overflow right here, starboard,

about two inches under the gunwale.

- [James] Oh sure, Tom.

- [Tom] And can you make my console real compact, you know,

nice and small and offset over here to the right?

- [James] Okay.

- Hi ya, how are ya?

- Hello, Thomas.

I suppose you're here for money.

- Do you?

- Aren't you? - Hmm?

- Here for money?

- Are you talking to me?

- Yes, I am.

- Oh, here for money?

No, no, no, I'm not here for money.

I'm actually here to see my grandfather, Mrs, uh--

- Knowles, Mrs Knowles.

- Knowles, and, ah, anything transpiring between me

and my grandfather is just liable

to be none of your business.

- Oh now, now.

- Is he alone? - Yes, he is.

- Well, I'll just get on in then.

- Oh, hello, Thomas.

I've just gotta, sit down, I've just gotta put my John Henry

on about three more of these.

Now, two, God, this crook.

Ooh, yes, yes.

There you go, and ooh, yeah.

There.

What's up?

- Well, the boat is underway.

- I, I don't follow.

What is?

- James Powell has started my guide skiff.

- I, uh, right, right, right.

- Well, you said that you would lend me the money

for the boat.

- Me (laughs), when?

When did I say that?

- If you don't want to lend me the money

for the boat, all you have to do is say so.

You're the one that offered.

- Now you listen.

I kept you from going to jail!

What more do you want from an old man?

- James, I'm sorry, but it appears the whole thing's off.

I haven't got the money.

(saw buzzes)

- What the hell you talking about?

The boat's all paid for.

Leave it alone.

- What do you mean the boat's all paid for?

- Your grandfather came in this morning

and paid for the whole thing,

labor, material, everything in advance.

You got your boat, didn't you?

(upbeat country music)

- Listen to that wind, Miranda.

- That's not the wind, Tom.

It's the souls in purgatory.

- In the long run, Miranda, I need to know

that it is not the souls in purgatory.

Come on, let's bait up.

(country music)

There you go.

- Oh, Thomas, you know, this is the first time

we've anywhere in ages we haven't brought something

with us to eat?

- We are going to get something to eat.

That is the purpose.

- Get it in there. - Here you go now.

Concentrate. - Okay, I got it.

(country music)

You know, your father fascinates me.

- Are you about to criticize him?

- No, no, no, it's just that, um,

does he have any accomplishments or anything like that?

- He had a blimp factory once.

My grandfather called them gas bags.

- Oh, I got one!

Hey, I got one!

- All right.

(Miranda squeals)

About six of them blew away in a line squall,

and my grandfather had a bunch of whores

from my daddy's whorehouse come down and sing.

♪ Bye bye, gas bags, bye bye

Bring him over here,

come on. - I got it.

You got it? - Yeah.

- What a beauty.

- This will make a nice little filet.

(Miranda moans)

Here, give me a little slack.

- You can have the whole thing.

(Tom laughs)

- In the long run, I don't need the whole thing.

I just need a little slack.

- You know, your father called me up

at 4 o'clock, this morning.

- He did?

- Uh-huh. - What did he want?

- Well, he, um,

he wanted a date.

- Oh God.

Let's just ignore that that happened

and that you told me that that happened.

Oh my God, he did that?

- He did that.

- [Tom] He did?

- He did.

- [Tom] Listen to the wind.

- Thomas, Thomas, that's not the wind.

That's your father calling me up for a date.

(playful country music)

- Damn, I wish this north wind would lay down,

so we can warm up and fish a little.

Nichol, you ain't going soft, are you?

- Maybe so.

- You mean, uh, now that you're out of it,

what do you think you're gonna do?

- Caddy, I'm gonna be Arnold Palmer's caddy.

I'll wear a V-neck sweater, and I'll live by myself.

At night, I'll jack off in a hanky.

It'll be a simple life, but it'll be complete.

If Arnold wins the Masters,

then I'll get a Buick convertible for a tip.

- Come on, Nichol.

- See me and Arnold are just like that.

I'll know every club he wants before he asks for it.

- Yeah, that's real funny.

- What the hell do you care, hm?

- Well, I mean, it's just insulting, you know.

I mean, you did forbid him to guide, didn't you?

- Yeah, I did.

- Then how come James Powell is building him a guide boat?

- Is that true?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I didn't know that.

I sure didn't, yeah.

- I mean, now you can't get one built.

He's gonna guide.

- Well, look, I didn't forbid him to build a skiff.

But I sure didn't know that.

- What the hell do you think he's gonna do with it,

pull crab pots?

- I don't know!

I got to let him hang himself.

This is a democracy, and democracy,

you know what democracy does, don't you?

- No, what does democracy--

- Democracy moves on.

It marches on.

Democracy marches on.

- Shit, man, I don't know about you.

I mean, really, what are you,

are you afraid of his granddaddy, is that it?

I mean, it looks tome like he is going to guide

when he gets his skiff built.

Then what are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna shoot him.

Where's your memory?

- Think The House of Seven Gables,

and you'll have some fun here, Miranda.

- Thomas, your father's got himself really upset

about your guiding.

He's been picking up all sorts of rumors.

It's just gotten wild.

- What he is doing, where he is going,

none of us can tell!

- You sound like Philbrick from I Led Three Lives.

- Your father is at large, son.

I don't like that.

- I thought you wanted him out of bed at all costs.

- No, not like this, not like a sneak,

not like a figure of the night.

- A what? - Figure of the night!

- [Tom] Figure of the what?

- The night, ya monosyllabic son of a bitch!

- How long have you people been talking like this?

- Well, we had this from him during the war.

He went to Fort Benning, and he lasted two days.

- Then there was the house of ill-repute,

a whorehouse, in polite language, and he was the owner.

- Yeah, I've known about the whorehouse all my life.

What of it?

- Who's this? - Miranda.

- Mm, getting much? - Mm-hmm.

- Well, his father he had this this broken-down,

old conch house with half a dozen high-flyers

from the mainland, and even they couldn't take him.

Then he had a hootchy-kootchy dancer from Opa-Locka,

and even she thought he was dumb.

- He told me he owned all of western civilization

in the form of a whorehouse.

- Then he drove a taxi, but the only thing he never did--

- Was guiding.

- Was guide.

- Where did you lay hands on this?

- At a distress sale in Islamorada.

- Well,

it looks like it's had some service.

- Yeah, I'm lucky this gunk-board floats.

It seems completely lacking in recreational value.

(Nichol grunts)

- Okay, now on that codicil, delete the sentence

that ends "unforgiven blimp fiasco."

- Okay. - Right.

Delete from "cigar and mouse" all the way

to "favoring that we," got it?

- [Bella] Okay.

- And in the whole last paragraph,

cut the following words, duck, Marvin,

whereas, celluloid, bingo and dropsy.

And cut the whole song Silver Threads Amongst the Gold.

- Okay.

(Goldsboro sighs)

Hey, come here.

- Oh Bella, Bella, Bella.

- [Bella] Tired, Goldsboro?

- Oh yes, I'm just, okay, for the moment, I'm tired.

(Goldsboro sniffs)

But I'm no tireder than you.

- Wrong, Goldsboro, I'm not tired.

But you, honey, you're real tired.

- (giggles) Can you still sing?

- Can I still sing?

- Can you?

- Can shatter glass with my voice, ie, my vitality.

- Really?

(glass clinks)

Where will I put it?

- Put it right there.

- Okay.

Let's go.

Let's see.

(Bella screams)

(engine rattles)

- Hey, Tom (laughs).

Well, you've been scarce as hen's teeth.

I don't know when I seen you last.

(both laugh)

- Well, last time I saw you, I was in the bottom

of that canal out there watching you

and Roy Rogers chasing me down with a pistol.

- Hey, that's not an admission of guilt, is it?

- Well, not unless you have a microphone in that smile.

(Faron laughs)

Hey, your grandad was at the Lions Club luncheon today,

and let me tell you somethin', he is some character.

We had a chance to visit a while.

He said he was looking forward to you coming down here

to the dock and joining us.

And you want to know something?

So am I.

- Hmm, hey, where's Nichol?

- I'm here, over here!

- Well, here goes nothing.

(Faron laughs)

- Atta-boy.

- All right, pay attention.

The O-ring I'm talking about is right down there,

ahead of the drive shaft.

It stops the salt water from coming up in here

and killing the engine, right?

- I'll be.

- [Faron] You'll be what, Myron?

- Well, I didn't exactly happen

to expect that incendiary to show his face.

- You runnin' a court of inquiry on the subject, Myron?

- Well, now, what's the policy then?

- We don't have no policy.

Nichol Dance is the old boy you may just recall

that lost his boat.

- Okay, okay.

- So he has the policy. - Okay, all right,

but what's that fire bug doing over--

- And nobody's runnin' no inquiry!

- I get it then.

Ours is a policy of non-intervention.

But Dance's is a, is, is, is what?

- Myron, dry up.

- Jeez.

- Jesus Christ, what is that stink in here, Myron?

- Somebody left a wahoo on the tournament scale

over the weekend, and it kind of got, well, turned.

Carter? - What?

- What all is gonna happen?

- There's a good chance somebody might get killed.

- It was all the rubber blades were deteriorated.

Why don't you go up there and see if it will kick over?

- Sure.

Watch your fingers.

- What?

- [Tom] I said watch your fingers.

- I changed a 19-inch wheel for a 21.

You want to take a little run out to those Keys,

east of the Snipes, see if it cavitates.

You in a hurry?

- Not really.

- Well, just waiting around for your new boat, huh?

- That's the way it is, yeah.

- Why don't you go off with me, then?

- Hell yes.

(upbeat music)

- Some hardwood,

some wildlife,

things you wouldn't expect to find back here maybe.

Cigarette?

- No, sir, I don't smoke cigarettes.

- I know that wasn't much of a joke we played on you.

- It sure wasn't.

- But that doesn't excuse what you done.

- It just about excuses what I did, really.

- Well, I mean every word I said.

- So did I.

- Well, what the hell?

Let's enjoy today.

- Suits me.

- I don't know where he is now.

I haven't been notified.

I've had one long training in this kind of thing,

but I'm still not used to it.

- Well, these aren't a joke with him.

- Well, I'm getting bored.

- I can see that you are.

- So if you run into your father

before I do, tell him it's just

like a high school basketball game around here.

The clock is running.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- Well, here's one for you to think about.

I'm going to do nothing.

(bird squawks)

(cans rattling)

- Hey!

Who are you?

- Who are you?

- Nichol Dance.

- Oh, I'm Olie Slatt.

I mine for subituminous low sulfur coal

in the Bull Mountains.

Yes, we have to blast through 20 feet of sandstone

to reach the vein.

We have two spoils banks

and eight different strata arrangements.

And I'm damned proud of that.

- Why are you telling me this?

- Because of my unparalleled subterranean work performance,

my union local has awarded me this trip

and this certificate, entitling me

to a one day's fishing with you (laughs).

And boy, god damn, fishing is what I'm all about.

- Well, I hope it works out that way.

- Yeah.

- I sure wished you let me know a little sooner.

You see, I'm booked up 16 days straight.

- 16 days, what's that mean?

- Well, that means that the soonest you can fish

with me is 17 days from today.

- What about my damn certificate?

- Now just a damn minute, Mr Slatt.

That certificate you've got there is good for a day's guide.

Now you go with one of these other old boys

on the dock here, the old boy, in fact,

I learned everything I know off of.

- Yeah, well, where do I find this other one?

- Right over there in the bait shack.

- Oh I mean, look at me.

I mean, do I look like a rich man?

Do I look like a man who can afford

to pay Howard Johnson 16 times in a row,

so's I can fish on the 17th?

What kind of queer breed of odds and ends do you have

to get down here for you to think like that?

- Well, Slatts, you go right over there,

and you ask for Captain Faron Carter.

He's a regular fish hawk, Mr Slatt.

And if it swims, and it's in Monroe County,

he's going to put it in your boat for you.

- You Captain Carter?

- You're talking to him.

- Well, that there's a slicker.

And Lord knows I don't need no slicker.

- I know exactly what you mean.

Old Dance can get highfalutin' from time to time.

But the truth is he ain't that good a guide.

- He ain't?

- Look at him.

Now don't I go ahead and set you straight here.

- Slow down.

(phone rings)

- Speak.

- [Faron] Tom, Faron Carter here.

How's your skiff coming?

- Ready to hang the engine.

- Good, listen, I've got me a sportsman here from, uh...

- The Bull Mountains.

- What's that?

- The Bull Mountains.

- Bull Mountains, yeah, and what's your name?

- Olie, Olie Slatt.

- Olie Slatt.

Can you fish him Wednesday?

- Sign him up, Cart.

- Okay, I think if you can get him a citation fish,

he'll mount it.

I'll talk to the taxidermist on it for you.

- Tell him 8:30, and I'll bring the lunch.

- Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later.

Mr Slatt, you're in luck.

You got a boy here that's a regular fish hawk.

I mean, he can go the distance.

- Oh, that's good, that's good.

Thank you very much, thank you.

- 8:30, Wednesday morning. - 8:30, Wednesday morning.

- Right. - I'll be there,

right here. - Right, right now.

Right here at the dock. - Thank you.

Thank you, Captain Carter.

- My wife is long gone.

She's dead.

Why do we have to talk about it?

I'll join her soon enough.

- Well, just describe her, that's all I'm asking.

- All right.

She had tits down to here,

and when she died, I threw a fiver in the hole

and closed that chapter of my life.

She had Bright's Disease.

She had a 10-pound liver.

And she left a neat quarter-of-million dollars

to the Daughters of the American Revolution

in the hopes that Americans would stop producing mongrels

like me and our son.

- Well, she was right about your son, the ninny,

and your grandson, the boob.

- They are perfect.

From your point of view, they are perfect.

Give me that.

- Perfect?

Uh-uh, this one's dead.

- Now, look, if you sass me like that once more,

I am going to send you and your musical background up there

to North Miami to make parakeet training records.

- Just so's I'm back in time to watch them wheel

that ninny down Duval Street, Easter time, in his bassinet.

- Why have I let you sass me so long?

- 'Cause I love you.

You can see that now.

- Oh aye, aye.

(horn bellows)

- All right.

(birds squawking)

James, this has turned out a mile prettier

than I could even hope.

- Yeah, I'm pretty pleased with it myself.

Now you're not gonna believe this,

but some man came to see me, no shoes on,

old pair of navy pants held up by a rope.

He offered me $10,000 for this boat.

- That was my father.

- Oh, he dresses funny.

- He's trying to stop me from guiding.

- Better buy yourself a gun.

- [Tom] News gets out, huh?

- That kind of news does, yeah.

- All right, Miranda, I'll bite.

Where did you get the car?

- From my aunt.

I figured you'd better go out in style.

- Perfect.

- I'd sure like to have a ride in it some day, Tom.

- The car or the boat?

(James laughs)

You'll have one, James.

- Looking forward to it.

- She's a beauty.

(engine purrs)

What's up?

- Your girlfriend here wants to know

why I'm going to shoot you if you guide.

(Jeannie laughs)

- What are you laughing at?

- Oh.

The thought that Nichol could hurt a fly.

Why in the world do you want to guide?

- Well, I've been eliminated in a whole bunch of things.

- Are those Polaroid?

- Yeah, and I appreciate the question,

but it's a process of elimination.

- You ought to see my husband when he come in

with his skin burnt half off from summer fishing.

That was a process of elimination.

- Oh, I know, ma'am.

Really I do.

- (sighs) That is a pretty little skiff, though.

I bet you're real proud of it.

- [Tom] Oh yes, ma'am, real proud.

- You will mortally fly.

He's just flat waiting

to shut down these other turkeys.

(Faron laughs)

Oh I sure will say this, though.

Cart's never lost a day's wages with his Evinrude.

That solid-state ignition and power-trim just seem

to be the combination for a workin' fool like Cart.

(Faron coughs)

- Jeannie, I think these boys know one engine from another.

- Oh, I was just coaching the newcomer.

Besides, what Key West needs

with a beginner guide beats me, for starters.

- I don't remember anyone asking your opinion.

So why don't you just keep your moth shut, all right?

- That is just about as ladylike as I could expect

from a Mallory Square weirdo, all right.

- Well, what clod-hoppers expect in the way

of ladylike really doesn't interest me that much.

- Doesn't interest? - No.

- How would a poke in your weirdo snoot do, schoolmarm?

(dramatic music) (Jeannie screams)

- I'm sorry!

I'm leaving, all right.

(car doors thud) (engine revs)

- I'd believe they'd hurt each other.

- You wouldn't wanna shoot a sweet guy like me?

(Nichol laughs)

- I wouldn't want to, no.

(crickets chirping)

(dog barks)

(guitar twangs)

- Hello, Daddy.

I'm glad you came.

We've all been chasing you all over, you know.

And mother's getting really bored, I can tell you.

- I wanted to advise you.

That is what fathers do.

- Now why didn't you come before?

I've been looking everywhere for you.

- I didn't have the advice ready.

I've had to get down to where I could see

what you were going through.

- I'm not going through anything in particular.

Sit down.

- Do you think your friend, Dance, is joking?

- No, we've just laid out some lines.

- I've had an adventure, I guess.

I ended up here.

I thought it might take me away from the world.

- Why didn't you go home?

- Oh come on.

My first instinct was that this face-off

with Dance was a matter of honor.

- It's a matter of who gets to fish

and who gets to cut bait.

- You won't call it honor, because you

and your generation have a depraved sense of language.

- This one here?

- Uh, it's a snapper.

- No, it's a grouper.

- Grouper, grouper.

- Okay, we'll try one more.

Take your hat off, will you?

Let your brains cool off.

You're thinking too hard.

All right, one more time, starting here.

- That's a bone, I know that one.

I know that's a bonefish. - Right, right, bonefish.

This one here?

- That's like that one over there.

- And that one and this one?

- Yeah, old snappy.

- The snapper,

right, right. - Snapper, snapper.

- Now this one here, remember the fin,

across there? - Bluefin tuna.

- Bluefin tuna, right.

This one over here, long, sleek, silver-looking sucker, huh?

- Uh, uh, plum forgot that one.

- It begins with B, like a little girl's name.

Bernita.

- Bonito, bonito, yeah. - Right, right.

Big gold one, back there, in the corner?

- Oh, that's like the snake--

- Cobia. - Cobia, cobia.

- Right, right, and this here?

Right here.

- That there, that a toombul.

- Right, good, and this one here,

this long, skinny, nice sucker, hugh?

- That's a houndfish, hound.

- Also known as a-- - Gar--

- Garfish, right, right. - Gar, hound (laughs).

- And this pretty one over here,

with the little things off the fins, huh?

- Oh that's, um--

- Remember, big continent down southwest of here, hm?

- The what? - Africa.

- [Both] African Pompeno.

- Right, there you go.

And what's this right here?

- The old eight-ball.

- Eight-ball, right, and this fish over here

and this one are?

- Grouper. - Grouper,

how many fingers you see?

- Five. - Good.

And this one over here, this little black skinny sucker.

- It's the old sucker.

- Right, everywhere the shark goes, huh--

- Romona goes.

- No, no, remora. - Remora.

- Right, there you go.

- Hi.

Who are you?

- I'm Olie Slatt.

- Where's Myron?

- [Olie] Who's Myron?

- Who's Myron?

Myron's the one who adds everything up around here.

Who are you?

- Oh, uh, I'm a wealthy tourist from the Bull Mountains.

I'm waiting to cash in on this valuable fishing certificate.

- It just kills me that Myron's not here.

It just kills me that Myron's not here!

- Whatcha want with the Myron moron?

- I wanted him to see what I was like

when I twirled in Orlando.

He ought to see that.

I just thought old Myron ought to know

what it looked like from the bleachers.

(Olie laughs)

This here. - Yeah?

- My 31-inch tournament baton.

It's big enough, power, but it's light enough

to where it don't drag at my routine.

You know, a youngster just starting out,

developing her forearm and her wrist with a 17-ounce baton,

well, she's gonna have terrific power later on

for certain activities.

(both laugh)

- Roy, Slatt.

- Captain Carter.

- You want to give me that, Jeannie?

Give it to me.

Hey!

Roy? - Yeah.

- Why don't you get yourself a beer

and get Mr Slatt here a beer,

and I'll be with you boys in a minute?

(baton clangs)

- Wait a minute, get it.

- What?

- Get it.

- All right, but you to listen to me, Jeannie.

Now, I come down here to this bait shack

where I make our bread and our butter

to pay for your shopping sprees,

and first, you're dukin' out some schoolteacher,

and in no time flat, I walk in

and find you doing a baton routine, half-naked,

in front of a perfect stranger,

who just happens to be, by the way, a cash customer,

plus telling him that it builds a girl's forearm up

for jacking guys off.

Now, uh, what should I do?

- I think that's a disgusting view of my art.

Now why don't you just storm on in there and get me my tutu?

- Here.

- Honest, I didn't lay a finger on her.

Now she come goopin' in here, trying to do me.

- Now why don't you just put down that garfish?

- Houndfish.

- Houndfish (laughs).

- (laughs) I been teachin' him.

- Well, I'll be, that is a houndfish.

- Sure is.

- Well, all right, then, just put down the houndfish.

- Not so fast.

Now what's gonna happen to me?

- Roy, you go over there and get yourself a beer,

a pickled egg or something.

Now what I come in here to tell you was

that my wife, Jeannie, has been kind of sick and,

poor little thing, and what I want you to do, Mr Slatt,

is try and forgive her for what she done

to you here, this evening.

- You want me to forgive her?

- Yeah.

(both laugh)

- Shucks, I forgive her (laughs).

- Yeah, and, uh, oh, she probably left a few

of her little things around here.

- Yeah. - A tutu, I think it was.

- Tutu, tutu, yes (laughs).

- Tutu.

You know, Mr Slatt, she's not half bad with that baton.

She's got trophies.

- Now generally, I am told that, uh,

I'm a fine one to talk.

So when I make a suggestion,

you remind yourself of my absurd adventures

in the manufacturing of blimps,

my mental discharge from the Army,

my ludicrous family life,

review my credentials and forget everything I tell you.

But don't forget, even my whorehouse was a flop.

My whorehouse was a flophouse.

The floozies turned on me like a hundred raging toucans.

They fired upon me with my own seltzer.

In 12 months of operation,

they never awarded me a freebie.

I had a Congolese lesbian

who used my Havana Churchill cigars for dildos.

They peed on my mandolin, overcharged my friends

and gave your grandfather a dose with chancres

that run up his body like mink tracks.

So I closed down this Puta Palazzo

and turned to the literature of religion.

That didn't work.

I took to my bed and began to hate my father,

your grandfather, that conniving arch-abrogator of justice

whom we see slowly spinning to Earth,

parachuting into his own history.

His whores and washed-up coloratura singers can't save him.

Insurance adjusters in terrycloth playsuits can't save him.

And maybe you, who have always seemed to me to resemble him,

maybe you can't be saved, either.

- You could be right.

Maybe, I can't.

Was my mother one of your whores?

- Yeah.

The fact that my whorehouse collapsed anyway is proof

of how perfect the failure was.

What are you going to do?

- What I said.

What are you gonna do?

- Go back to the house, wait and hope to see you again.

(solemn music)

- [Tom] Let's go out to dinner tonight.

- No, I don't want to eat anymore.

- Come on, we'll go to Little Torch.

- Oh especially not Little Torch.

The red snapper tastes like oatmeal.

They put barf on the stone crab,

paint thinner on the salad dressing.

- What kind of soap is this?

- Pine tar.

- Jesus, we'll smell like a lumberyard.

I wonder why they tie ropes on pieces of soap.

- So you can retrieve it if you swallow it.

Would you keep your feet to yourself?

I'm not into feet.

- [Tom] What's the matter, baby?

- I'm scared.

- [Tom] Don't be.

- Would it do any good to plea with you?

- [Tom] No.

Can I come down to your end?

- I don't know.

(water splats)

- You seem to radiate health.

- I've done what I could.

I am at peace.

- Bravo.

- [Mr Skelton] What's that?

- Bravo.

- [Mr Skelton] I see.

How are things in the nation?

- I've been working on the orchids.

I haven't looked at the news.

- You didn't happen to hear the score

of the Colts-49ers game?

- No.

- Well.

(Faron laughs)

- Boy, you all head up, you know it.

You just do like I do.

Make your moves till 4 o'clock

and then run home and, uh, take their money.

- Is that what you do?

- Yeah.

Hey, hey, Mr Slatt.

- Mr Carter.

- [Faron] Here's your man.

- Welcome on board.

- Well, I want a trophy.

Did you bring the toilet paper?

- We've got everything you need.

- Yeah, well, just in case you ain't.

(engine rumbles)

- I tell you, it wasn't me.

You've got to take my word for it.

I'm as clean as a hound's tooth.

(Goldsboro burbles)

Yeah, Joe, listen, I'm very busy at the moment.

You, why don't you get the hell out of here, will you?

Bye.

Okay, down here, before it's too late.

(both grunt)

The French have a word for it.

But I call it pussy.

- I know you do, you cheesy piece of bunk fodder.

- Well, I call it pussy,

because that's the candid thing to call it,

and I'm a very candid man.

- Hi, folks.

(engine hums)

Oh, uh (coughs), would you folks climb on aboard?

I'll be right with you.

- What, this one? - Yeah, right there.

And stow that basket aft,

so it won't beat itself to death.

And Mr Rudleigh, would you please put those poles

in there like I showed you?

Well, we just sent the new guide off on his maiden voyage.

- [Nichol] You don't say.

- Mm-hmm, look real organized,

had his gear all packed, stove, had his lunch,

all rigged out like he was real organized.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- What's he and that, uh, snake doctor out for?

- Bonefish, I believe.

Looked organized as hell.

- You fishing this lunch meat here, Cart?

- Till 4 o'clock.

- How's the tides running?

- 518, Key West low,

that'll make the Man-O-War Key the first stop

for the new guide.

- Yeah. - Uh-huh.

- [Nichol] The next stop is Toptree Hammock.

Boy learned that pattern off of me.

He ain't dumb.

- [Faron] Mm-hmm.

(engine sputters)

What's wrong?

It aint' kickin' over. - Nothing.

- Huh? - Nothing!

(engine sputters)

- Oh, it ain't gonna run.

I can hear it's not.

Gotta be the wiring.

There's a short in it.

The timer, maybe, what do you think?

It ain't gonna start.

I know it's not gonna start.

You can hear that.

You want to use my skiff?

- No, do you want to use my Colt?

- No.

- Then why do you want to give me your skiff?

- Well, I just thought

maybe you could use it, Nichol (laughs).

- If you give me your skiff, Faron,

how are you gonna finance the majorette's shopping sprees?

- Nichol, my customers can hear how upset you are.

Do you want the boat or not?

- Yes!

- Mr and Mrs Rudleigh, you all step out, please?

Go on and give me that there.

- [Mr Rudleigh] What's up, Captain?

- [Faron] Oh, my friend here needs a skiff.

It's looking more like miniature golf today (laughs).

- Run that past me again, Captain.

You were real unclear the first time.

- Well, we've had kind of an emergency come up,

and I'm afraid our fishing's off.

- We will be heading directly to the Chamber of Commerce.

Do you have an official version

of the event you'd like us to relay

as to why a month-old date to fish was canceled?

- Yes, sir, I do.

- What is it?

- Um, just say the captain, or guide,

experienced a sudden loss of interest, or ambition,

and flaked out without warning (laughs).

(engine revs)

- I think you, uh,

I think you know how I feel about this.

- Yes, I do, I do.

- So where do you want it? - Where does he want what?

- Shut up!

- I've got a toothache,

and just if you can manage it,

try not to shoot me in the face.

Well, I wouldn't want to ruin my face,

and here, this is my left side.

You're right. (gun fires)

(solemn music)

(digital music)