Original subtitles

chean what is your problem that was a

great house three bedrooms two baths and

a large backyard van it was a colonial I

want an English cottage I was very

specific I want a tutor house with an

English garden three Gables a pond with

a water wheel and a turret where I can

stand and brush my beautiful long blonde

hair an English cottage in Houston why

don't we just look for an egloo

F the house that we provide shelter and

love for our children the one that we

raise them in it will be perfect and by

perfect I mean a tutor house with an

English garden three Gables and a turret

now maybe just maybe you're not looking

hard enough oh I oh what Cheyenne who am

I hm who am I look at my business card I

am van Montgomery I am great at real

estate I will find a house for you and

your spouse I would have written more

but I ran out of

space now if there's a house like that

in Houston I would have already found it

fan

Cheyenne I have found you the perfect

house is it an English cottage oh it's

so English it hates

France there's no way Mrs H I've looked

at every house in the area in our price

range well it's a little higher than

your price range but it's been on the

market for a long time and I think we

can talk the owner down on the price

I've got you appointment at 2:00 to look

at it now Mrs H okay this sales pitch

might work on less sophisticated buyers

but I assure you we are not that easily

C it has a

turret 2 o00 you say Jolly

[Applause]

[Music]

goods are planted in the past oh my life

is changing fast who I am who I want to

be a single mom who works too hard who

loves her kids and never stops with

hands and the Heart of

a I'm a

[Music]

surv Hey Jake we're going to go check

out a house for van and Cheyenne want to

go with us I can't I'm going go carding

with Jackie Kindle and Kindle's going to

Super Glue Jack's butt to the go-kart

seat car how about you uh-uh who do you

think is giving the super glued

Kindle guess what we're doing fixing to

get Brock beat

[Applause]

up no we are going on a divorce date oh

wow sounds romantic antic well if you

guys like dating why are you getting a

divorce oh no no no it's a date about

the divorce we're going to start talking

through some of the details I get that

all right why the costumes re but I'm a

celebrity so my man has to appear

interesting in some

way we got to dress up for my viewing

public wow what's the chances you'll

bump into all three of

them Reba I don't expect you to

understand but because I am an important

figure we need to be aware of our

appearance in public at all times our I

thought you two weren't two anymore yes

but that's off the Record yeah Barbara

Jean doesn't want her public to know

that we're separated because people want

their weather from someone in a stable

relationship we better get going Brock

hey Brock wait a

minute I know why L screw is doing this

but why are you doing this ah what's the

harm I got a full length mirror in my

bathroom where you can see the

harm okay look Barbara jeene always

complained that I wasn't supportive of

her career so I want her to know that I

am well it's very Noble of you I don't

mean to be mean but a that kind of like

closing the Barn Door after the cows run

away maybe but maybe I want the cow to

know that I miss

it well that is a really terrible

metaphor when you're talking about your

[Applause]

[Music]

wife Mom this is beautiful as you can

see the house has beautiful hardwood

floors laminate handcrafted veneer solid

oak maybe maybe

not the kitchen has brand new appliances

and granite countertops upstairs has

been converted to a game room game what

a game room complete with a pool table

air hockey table and a flat screen TV

that the owner says she'll throw in at

the same price

oh I'm okay

I'm okay but I can't say that for Mrs

Pac-Man excuse me I have to uh speak

with my wife for a moment please

Cheyenne yeah I love this house I know

me too van let's make an offer okay but

wait she represents the seller okay so

we have to play it cool okay we'll take

it we'll pay anything she

wants what are you doing that's not the

way you negotiate now watch and learn

yeah we might be interested but uh we

got a lot of other options so we are no

rush to buy this this I don't

know well would you like for me to talk

to the owner and see if she'll come down

on the price whatever you want I could

take it or leave it it's not really you

know no

oh there's the owner now I'm going to

meet her and get this thing started take

your time oh man I hope this works out

could you imagine our own house I know

and it's like it's destined to be ours I

mean it looks like us the Landscaping

looks like us that picture on the wall

even looks like

us it is us that's a picture of our

senior class hey that's a picture of

Bridget

Bridget O'Hara what she doing on my

mantle guys this is Bridget Bridget this

is

Chey

Bridget you two know each other well of

course Cheyenne van and I were all

friends in high school well what a small

world how come I've never met her well

cuz why would I bring her

around oh man look at you you are even

bigger and stronger than you were in

high school chean isn't it unfair guys

just get better looking with age and we

girls I mean look how I've fallen apart

really I don't see anything Fallen but I

do see

Parts oh man stop it oh yeah Vance stop

it so you guys are old friends that's so

nice and usually old friends say nice

things to each other especially when

you're trying to buy a house from them

right Cheyenne right you know Bridge you

do look better than you did in high

school you're not as

pear-shaped well that must be because I

now a fitness instructor yeah I

specialize in der a I'm a derri

aist oh fitness instructor huh what

happened couldn't get into law school oh

you know me Cheyenne I was always the

pretty one and you were always the smart

one I was not the smart one okay that's

all very interesting but we should

really start talking about the house now

oh Cheyenne you know what I just thought

of that's so funny remember when I asked

van to the Sati Hawkins stance right

before you

did know Bridget I think that's water

under the bridge yes yes it is bridge

and you know why because I got the guy

yeah we've been married for 5 years and

I'm pregnant with our second child

you're pregnant M oh the had explains

it okay all right okay here uh the

important thing is we're here to buy a

house take a seat thank you and it I

think it's about time for us to discuss

the price so Bridget uh the house has

been on the market for quite a long time

now so we were thinking you might want

to come down on the price just a little

bit okay hang on a second Cheyenne do

you really want this house yes Bridget I

really do well that's good because

you're not going to have it what why are

you doing this because you made my life

miserable in high school the things you

wrote about me in the bathrooms

Bridget's missing a digit what is that

even

mean I don't know but it it was pretty

funny in high

school you know what's funny now you're

not going to get this house

[Music]

I just got off the phone with Bridget

and she's at least willing to come over

here and talk now if you want her to

reconsider I suggest that you be nice to

her oh please Cheyenne you've got to let

this high school stuff go we're talking

about your home here not who should have

been homecoming queen me I was

[Laughter]

robed that must be Bridget our doorbells

never sounded so

hey Mrs a no offense but you kind

of botch that back there so let me

handle Bridget okay you talk like a

babbling idiot when she's around how

wasn't act I am completely in control no

right

hello you better handle

this Bridget won't you come in thank you

look I think the first thing we need to

do is apologize for our Behavior over at

the house right you first Mrs H I meant

you right so uh

Bridget uh being a professional real

estate agent I know that emotions can

run High when you're buying or selling a

house so I just want to

AP I want I want I

want well I suppose we all got a little

emo

going through this divorce has forced me

to take a hard look at myself and for

the most part I really do like what I

see

and I will be happy to reconsider once

Cheyenne

apologizes what yeah she's sorry she's

terribly sorry you know what why don't

you two hug and make up

I haven't heard the

apology cheen the only other turret in

town is at the miniature golf course

keep

going

Bridget I said some pretty mean things

to you in high school and in the

yearbooks and the occasional bathroom um

and for that I'm I'm truly truly sorry I

hope you can forgive

me I am truly truly sorry that I asked

van to the dance although it is kind of

a funny story what oh come on Van we

could all use a little laugh why what

what happened well I asked van because

he asked me to he didn't want to go with

you he couldn't stand you isn't that

funny

[Laughter]

[Music]

so yeah so so how do we start this I

don't know I guess I guess the first

thing is are are you sure that you're

comfortable doing this without any

lawyers I guess I mean Reba had a lawyer

and you still screwed her in the

divorce I did not you frankly frankly

the lawyers were a big part part of the

problem I mean you know they they make

their money when they get both parties

into some big fight well I don't want

that no me neither so I guess we just

have to be honest with each other I

agree okay all right well I'll go first

then okay all

right um I am being completely honest

when I say that I feel ridiculous

wearing this tie so if it's okay with

you I'm just going to I'm going to take

it off oh no no no no no no leave the

tie on you look great

well thank you honey but seriously Barb

genene don't you think I'm a bit

overdressed for a restaurant that

serves burn your butt chili I

mean well I think you're not overdressed

to be seen in public as stormy clear

weather's

husband okay look

um being completely honest here just two

two tiny tiny little things one you're

not stormy clear weather and two we are

here because you don't want me to be

your husband anymore okay well here are

two tiny little honest things from me

one I am stormy clear weather and two

for once can we just do what I want and

not what you want and just leave the tie

on sorry

stormy the tie is coming off okay I'm

warning you if you take that tie off you

are going to be in big

trouble yeah big

trouble do not test me here it goes do

not undo that time do not undo it don't

Undo It Don't Undo

It Noto that time I'm so bar G don't d

my oh God I'm so turned

[Applause]

up what do you mean you couldn't stand

me I didn't say that she did well is it

true yes you were so smart I was

intimidated I was not

smart okay I believe we're losing sight

of what to today's meeting is all I mean

what did you do van did you just you

know go up to her and say I hate

Cheyenne ask me to the dance of course

not no he wrote me a poem a poem a

poem it was a note luckily it rhymed oh

I think I'd like to hear that poem but

nobody remembers that please take me to

the dance I promise to wear long pants

I'll do anything I can not to go with

shyan you jerk okay that's it you know

what Bridget we don't want your house

what that's right

no house is worth standing here

listening to some derer torture my

daughter you are making a big mistake

you better leave quick or I'm going to

get a stick well

fine have you gone

mad I mean if you were going to kick her

out you could have at least done it

before I

apologized yes okay maybe things just

got a little out of control okay oh that

sounds so close to an apology but not

quite there yet bye-bye okay wait wait

wait wait wait

wait I'm

sorry I was just trying to get back at

you

Cheyenne look I really need to sell this

house do you still want to buy it

maybe for 20 off the list price what in

this market that's all it's worth take

it or leave it

okay

deal you know what shahan you should go

hug Bridget you know we should all go

hug I'll come over later this afternoon

we can hammer out the deal great thank

you thank you bye-bye

bye this H underneath that pile of red

hair and emotional rage is a genius how

did you know she was going to come back

well then you just have to learn how to

read people like you right now

I know you're

[Music]

hungry I am

hungry you're you're a

genius so

hungry very impressive Mom thanks you

had no idea she was going to Cave did

you no I just lost my temper and it all

fell into place oh I'm so glad you did

oh oh honey I just wish we could go back

and get you that homecoming queen I was

[Music]

BR

wow that was different I know that was

amazing that was even better than the

parking lot yeah well it's getting kind

of

late or should I say early we better get

some shut ey you're right good night

honey goodbye what well you didn't think

you were going to stay the night did you

Brock were getting divorced what kind of

girl do you think I am so what you're

saying I just had a one night stand with

my wife well not necessarily I was

thinking of having you over tomorrow

night so I don't have to and cuddle

winner winner chicken dinner

at least I can take off the stupid tie

now do not undo the tie oh I'm undoing

the tie oh no you don't oh yes I do oh

no you don't do not look it's coming off

it's coming off it's coming off I'm not

coming back on the time

[Music]