Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Argh, will you let it go already?

I'm sorry, but your husband here put a shameless move

on the produce guy when I had subtly signaled to him

that he was to be my hothouse tomato.

S-- subtly? You-- you-- you put the vegetable hose

between your legs and spritzed me.

Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys. I can end this right now.

Although the produce man handles fruit

he does not sleep with it.

He gave me his phone number.

- He was fat. - Thing on his lip.

[chuckles]

Automated message: You have one message.

Michael: Hey, Michael again.

Michael: Listen, I've been thinkin' and I'm gonna give you

one chance to reconsider.

Michael: Come on, Grace. Call me. I--

Oh...

my...

G--

Why is my ex-boyfriend calling you?

Will, you stay out of this.

Why is his ex-boyfriend calling you?

The man who dumped him after seven years and left him

with nothing but a broken heart and couple of love handles?

Michael called the other day. He's back in Manhattan.

He just moved into a new townhouse

and he asked me to decorate it.

How could you even think-- Will, try and stay calm.

Breathe.

Here, put your head between my knees.

Pass. Uh--

Will, I said no.

I thought it might be kind of weird for you.

"Thought," "might," "kind of?"

How could you? Don't Will's feelings mean anything to you?

Look, at least I'm here for you, buddy.

You can always count on me, even to--

[beeping]

Oh, I gotta go. Toby found a car. Ha-ha.

Look, I d-- I didn't tell you that he called

because the last thing I wanted to do

was to put you in an uncomfortable position--

Gr-- Grace. You should do this.

You were Michael's friend, too. You hung out together.

You were Buddhists for a week together.

I mean, you-- you-- you gave him mono

in a manner I'm still not entirely clear on.

It's fine.

I don't buy it. You're a well known liar.

You seem to have it in your head

that this is a bigger deal for me than it is.

It's been two years. I'm over him. Do it.

- You sure? - I'm sure.

Anyway, I know you want the job.

You're already doing it in your head.

- I'm not. - Living room?

- Ethnic texture. - Bathroom?

- Plaid, fun, humor. - Bedroom?

Plush, white, the forties.

- But you haven't thought of it? - Hasn't even crossed my mind.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- 'Morning. - 'Afternoon.

Honey, I went out for drinks last night with the girls.

It was just me, Paloma, Marlo and Mister Blackwell.

They're all doing something. I mean, take Marlo.

She's always working for charity.

She's on the board of, uh...

Oh, what the hell, she's thin and busy.

It just made me think.

I mean, I'm 32 years old, and what have I done with my life?

Well, for one thing,

you misplaced the better part of a decade.

So...

I've come to a decision.

I'm going to decorate Michael's place.

I mean, he's gay. How hard could it be?

Chrome, black leather, a shower for six, done!

[chuckles]

Um-- um-- um, Karen?

Okay. Uh, you know what?

I really think that you are just stretched too thin as it is.

I mean, you have nails to file, Vogues to read.

And those pills aren't gonna take themselves.

Well, that's very sweet of you honey, but I really think--

Karen, I'm sorry, no.

Oh.

I understand.

And you're right, I--

I guess I really haven't earned this opportunity.

Thank you.

It's yesterday's.

It's cold.

And there's Kahlua in it.

But, thank you.

I could... make a fresh pot.

You don't know how.

I could... fax something.

You don't know how.

- I could-- - You don't know how.

Hey, I love this blouse.

This fabric is just yummy.

[gags]

You know, you are a pretty lady. I don't tell you--

Okay, okay, okay, okay!

Okay, now you're creeping me out.

Okay, okay, you can-- you can do a chair.

One, one, one chair.

Oh, thank you. Oh, you won't be sorry.

Michael is gonna be so happy

that Queen will be sittin' on a throne.

[instrumental music]

Come on! Come on, come on, come on.

I don't understand why you didn't just go

in the movie theater.

I can't pee in public bathrooms.

Why not? You do everything else in them.

Block.

Come on! Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, you look like you're in pain.

I am.

That's why I probably shouldn't do this.

Oh, Grace, one thing.

I want the powder room to be kind of butch.

Well, let's start with not calling it the powder room.

Michael?

I-- I used to live there.

- I used to live there, too. - That's right.

Was he a clean freak with you, too?

Did he follow you around with a dust buster

whenever you ate a muffin?

You were allowed to eat in the apartment?

He must have liked you more than a friend.

Oh-- oh-- okay. Alright, here.

Uh, I'll be right back. I forgot my vitamin-E stick.

I've been having such dry lip issues.

Uh, but we have all day to talk about that.

[elevator dings]

Goodie.

Michael.

Will.

Oh...

my...

Go--

Oh...

Wow. How are you?

- Good, you? - Good.

I-- I haven't seen you in--

When-- when was it? Oh, it was the, um--

Yeah, I know. I know, it's been--

Yeah, it's been s--

- Yeah! - Yeah!

[chuckles]

Okay, we can--

Oh!

Yes, gay-ja vu.

[laughing]

Uh, I-- I thought that you and Jack were going to a movie.

Yeah, we did, but, uh, Jack had a large Sprite

and, well, I-- I promised him a gold star

if we had a dry week, you know.

[chuckles]

Ah! Okay!

Well, um, you know, we should really go

because, uh, that way we won't...

be here.

- Hey, Will? - Hmm?

You look really good.

Damn my tiny bladder.

I can't believe I missed what happened out there.

Tell me everything. Start from the beginning.

How did he say I looked?

Like you've put on a little ego.

Can I just tell you?

I could swear I just got a vibe from Michael.

Like he...

still feels something.

- Really? - Well...

I mean, come on, uh, yeah, uh, y-- y-- yes,

he's working with Grace, but d-- d-- do they have to meet

two feet from the apartment we shared for seven years?

Do they have to go to the restaurant

where we had our first date?

Did he really say nothing about me?

He told me...

I looked good.

♪ You're boyfriend's back

♪ He's gonna save your reputation ♪

♪ Hey la hey la ♪

You know what I think?

I think he realized he made a mistake.

So how does it feel?

- Good, felt good. - Yeah?

Well... don't tell me. Tell him.

- Really? Uh-- - Look-- look, Will.

[sighs] Ugh--

If what's holding you back is your attraction to me...

I-- I just want you to know

it will never happen.

Okay? Let that...

free you to pursue other,

lesser men.

Oh, Jack, there are no lesser men than you.

Thank you.

[instrumental music]

[phone ringing]

Karen Walker Designs.

Oh, hey, Grace.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, it's just been ringin' off the hook all mornin'.

No, of course, I haven't answered it.

I'm too busy working on my chair.

Oh, yeah. Good point.

Why did I pick it up now?

Ha-ha! She's crazy.

[instrumental music]

[knock on the door]

- Will. - Hey.

Can I... come in?

[laughs]

Well, the place is a bit of a mess.

Still moving things in, but, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure.

- Very nice. - Thanks.

And it looks huge. What do you need all this space for?

Well, I'm thinking of getting a chimp.

You know how they like to cycle around the place.

Yeah, I've got my chimp on a Nordic Trak.

You know... he gets in his little suit and hops on

watches the TV.

He loves it. [chuckles]

But enough about Jack.

[chuckles] So, uh, why are you--

Well, I-- I didn't get a chance to tell you

when I saw you in the hallway of awkwardness...

that, uh...

you look good, too.

Thanks.

Listen, I've been meaning to call you.

Eh, it's been a while since we talked--

Oh, wow.

[chuckles] The first thing

we ever bought together.

Unless you count the matching

"I-Can't-Even-Think-Straight" T-shirts.

Look at it, here it is, right-- right in the middle of the room.

Oh, the second hand is still broken.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed.

Listen, you wanna go for a walk?

Mickey, look... [clearing throat]

Let me say this first. Umm--

[chuckles] You're back in town.

You're-- you're spending all this time with Grace.

You-- you're hanging around the old apartment.

Now the clock. I think we both know--

Look out. Ill-advise impulse purchase coming through.

- Where do you want it? - Bedroom.

Right.

New York movers for you, they move it and they judge it.

- Will-- - Let me finish.

It just seems like you may still have feelings for me.

And I-- I want you to know that...

that I also--

Do you need to be here for this?

Uh, yeah.

I do.

Will, this is Andrew Kirkland. We live together.

[scoffs] Wow.

First they move you in, then they stay. Heh.

- Will, he's my-- - I-- I know...

who he is, Michael.

- Andrew, nice to meet you. - Yeah.

I'm, uh-- I'm gonna be going.

And, uh...

I'm gonna take this with me.

[instrumental music]

Karen: Oh, Grace. Thank God, you're here.

My head is spinning and not in a good way.

Okay, okay. Karen, calm down, calm down.

Uh, alright, let's try a little experiment

we did during my first year at the Fashion Institute.

[sighs] Okay.

One kiss and then back to work.

No.

A different experiment.

Okay.

Sit in this chair

and pretend you're at home.

Honey, I can't do that. My furniture's good.

This is your third Manhattan.

I'm in the library.

- Music is playing. - Good.

Now, you are unwinding after a nice dinner

of cocktail onions and lime wedges.

Hmm.

What are you doing? [sighs]

Probably yellin' at the fat one.

Okay. Yelling at the fat one.

Known to his future therapist as Mason.

- Go. - Okay.

"Hey, Little Buddha."

"Where you goin' with those pies?"

[sighs]

That didn't feel quite right.

- Uh, try another one. - Oh! Okay.

Hmm.

"Mason, sweetie, would you like a glass of milk with that pie?"

What the hell?

Okay, we're gonna keep this one for your desk.

- Okay, next. - Oh! Okay.

"Drop those pies, boy. You know the rule."

"When we can see your neck, you can have dessert."

"Rosario, hug the girl."

"The school said she needs affection."

"Oh, and Stanley, for God's sake."

"Get out of that tanning booth."

"You're startin' to look like a cheese doodle."

Oh, this is a good one, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Does your jaw unhinge when you capture prey?

How could you not tell me Michael has a boyfriend?

Oh my God, what happened? Did you guys talk?

Yeah, yeah, at his apartment, when I went over and humiliated

myself by telling Michael I still had feelings for him.

Wait, what? I thought you said that you were over him.

Well, excuse me for lying!

Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! This is a place of business!

We are trying to get some work done in here and we don't need

you just barging--

Okay, I'm saying it and I don't even buy it.

[laughing]

Okay, creative urge filled.

But my urge for a Gin Rickey is still alive and kickin'.

Okay, I'm outa here. Keep on yellin'. There you go.

How could you not tell me something like that?

I was trying to protect you.

Oh, nice-- nice job of protection, Grace.

If-- if you were a condom, I'd be pregnant now.

Look, I thought I was being a good friend. Believe me.

The last thing I ever wanted was for you to get hurt.

Oh, I know. I'm sorry. I just, I--

I was out of my mind over there.

You know, I-- I took a clock! Who does that?

The deco clock in the living room?

- Jack: Yeah. - Oh, thank god. It was hideous.

It didn't go with anything I was doing.

- Grace! - Oh! Oh-- oh-- oh.

Right, right, right, right. Uh, your pain.

How can I make it better?

Just, I... I just need you to tell me everything.

The-- it's-- it's much easier

than-- than-- than finding out from other people.

I don't know. You're gonna get upset. I--

- No, I won't. - You promise?

I promise.

- Okay, what do you wanna know? - When did they start going out?

- Oh, you're gonna get mad. - No, I won't. Tell me.

January.

- Oh, okay. See? Perfectly calm. - Of '97.

What?

Two months after we broke up?

Damn it, Grace! Why don't you just stick a knife in my heart?

- But you said that you would-- - Oh! Don't listen to me.

- You know better than that. - See? I was right!

I knew you were gonna get mad!

God, I went over there, I was-- I was wearing the good jeans.

I-- I-- I-- I plucked my eyebrows

so I wouldn't have that scary Peter Gallagher thing going on.

- I'm an idiot! - Oh, sweetie--

No, don't. I can't believe you did this to me.

[instrumental music]

Hey, little camper.

How you doin'?

Fantastic.

Look, Will, you need to find some way to put this behind you.

People get over people.

I've had to get over a lot of people.

It's hard.

Jack, I had a seven year relationship.

You had a restraining order from the US gymnastic team.

Okay, suggestion? Get off your huffy bike and let me help you.

You have to get past this Michael thing.

And I think I have just the answer.

Hi.

Jack, why is there a sailor at my door?

Because... this sailor is your new boyfriend.

[gasps]

You may now thank me.

Oh, there's a lot of things I'd like to do to you right now.

- I just need a yes or a no. - Anchors aweigh!

Vamos.

Jack: I think he's gonna be okay.

You wanna hear something disturbing?

That's the same guy Jack brought me when I broke up with Danny.

Perhaps you've forgotten, but I'm not talking to you.

Okay, Will, what did you expect Michael to do?

Pine away in a dark room while listening to

"I Can't Live If Living Is Without You?"

No. There can be a lamp in the room.

What is it?

I just, I c-- [sighs]

I keep thinking I'm over this guy.

A-- a-- and then it turns out I'm not and I get pained.

Will: Now, it's obviously the same pathology

that keeps me going back to see Kevin Costner movies.

Sweetie, you invested seven years with Michael.

Uh, of course it's gonna take some time.

Yeah, so how come he finds somebody a-- after two months?

Am I that easy to get over?

No. No, you're not.

Well, how do you know? You-- you wouldn't even--

Will... I know.

Oh, that's right.

- You do know. - Hmm.

Okay, it was at college.

Okay, when you and I broke up

it was for different reasons.

I wanted to raise the kids Jewish.

You wanted to sleep with men.

- I really do enjoy that. - Mmm.

The point being, if I never got past that

we wouldn't have this.

This... this totally inappropriate,

boundary less, highly dysfunctional relationship

that I cherish, oh, so much.

Thanks, sweetie.

And I know that you're feeling badly right now

but believe me, this too shall pass.

I guess.

I just wish I could-- could say the same about this cake.

Oh.