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1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:03,397
[theme music]
2
00:00:03,441 --> 00:00:06,143
Okay, here's
the Thanksgiving menu so far.
3
00:00:06,187 --> 00:00:08,541
Apple pie, pumpkin pie,
blueberry tart
4
00:00:08,584 --> 00:00:09,674
and ice cream roll.
5
00:00:11,549 --> 00:00:13,074
What am I missing?
6
00:00:13,118 --> 00:00:14,861
Cake. We need cake.
7
00:00:16,169 --> 00:00:18,479
Did you take a bong hit
before you wrote that?
8
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,405
Hear ye, hear ye.
9
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,889
The holiday shopping season
has just begun.
10
00:00:27,590 --> 00:00:29,812
Here are your lists.
11
00:00:29,856 --> 00:00:32,210
I suggest you surprise me with
the things that are in bold.
12
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:36,917
Oh, you know,
speaking of surprises,
13
00:00:36,961 --> 00:00:39,097
we're gonna have a special guest
for dinner tomorrow.
14
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,230
Is this where you guys
try to be funny
15
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,148
and tell me
that Cher is coming?
16
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,110
Yeah, well, it's not gonna
work this time, okay?
17
00:00:46,812 --> 00:00:47,945
But is she?
18
00:00:50,213 --> 00:00:52,915
Come on, Jack. Cher hasn't eaten
since the '70s.
19
00:00:58,973 --> 00:01:00,063
Give you a little hint.
20
00:01:00,107 --> 00:01:01,328
It's someone that you love,
21
00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:02,896
but you don't get to see her
very often.
22
00:01:04,466 --> 00:01:06,994
Okay, I'm thinking Liza,
but go on.
23
00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:10,742
And she gave birth to you.
24
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:13,533
- Okay?
- It's your mom, genius.
25
00:01:14,622 --> 00:01:17,543
My mo... How could you?
26
00:01:19,504 --> 00:01:20,332
You don't...
27
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:23,384
Rotten!
28
00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:29,007
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
29
00:01:29,050 --> 00:01:32,537
Hey, woman-on-the-verge,
what's going on?
30
00:01:32,581 --> 00:01:34,368
Will, I don't have the same
relationship with my mother
31
00:01:34,412 --> 00:01:35,589
as you do with yours.
32
00:01:35,632 --> 00:01:36,940
You never picked out
her brassieres?
33
00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:39,991
We don't need that,
thank you.
34
00:01:41,821 --> 00:01:44,045
Jack, she called here looking
for you and only mentioned
35
00:01:44,088 --> 00:01:46,137
like 30 times
that she had no plans.
36
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:47,750
I thought
I was doing a good thing.
37
00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:50,453
The woman is a monster, and you
clearly did this to torture me.
38
00:01:50,496 --> 00:01:53,329
I did not. That was just an--
an unexpected bonus, really.
39
00:01:55,944 --> 00:01:58,255
Where are you going?
40
00:01:58,299 --> 00:02:00,521
I'm going to go uninvite her.
41
00:02:00,566 --> 00:02:03,268
Damn you, Otis!
I'm taking the stairs.
42
00:02:03,312 --> 00:02:04,052
Jack?
43
00:02:05,753 --> 00:02:07,365
What was that?
44
00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:09,763
I know. I-- I don't think
I've seen him this upset
45
00:02:09,806 --> 00:02:12,465
since they hired a female
urologist at the free clinic.
46
00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:13,512
Huh.
47
00:02:15,821 --> 00:02:18,829
Yello,
hot dish comin' through,
48
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:20,529
and she's carrying a casserole.
49
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,719
- Who's that?
- Jack's mom.
50
00:02:29,073 --> 00:02:31,558
Wooh! 86 minutes.
Not bad.
51
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:33,213
Yeah, Judith, you do realize
52
00:02:33,257 --> 00:02:35,437
that Thanksgiving is tomorrow.
53
00:02:35,481 --> 00:02:36,962
I'm doing a dry run, Will.
54
00:02:37,006 --> 00:02:38,706
Wanted to see how long
it would take me to get here
55
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:40,711
while carrying a casserole dish.
56
00:02:40,755 --> 00:02:43,718
The other benefit of a dry run
is that I power-walk
57
00:02:43,762 --> 00:02:46,029
the whole time
while clinching my buttocks.
58
00:02:46,072 --> 00:02:47,860
Like so.
59
00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:49,472
Judith: Now, you can't tell
I'm doing anything,
60
00:02:49,516 --> 00:02:52,524
but my ass sure can. Oh.
61
00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:53,570
Like mother, like son.
62
00:02:53,614 --> 00:02:54,965
[chuckles]
63
00:02:56,621 --> 00:02:58,408
You must be Grace.
64
00:02:58,452 --> 00:03:00,500
[laughs]
Jack said
you were sort of funny.
65
00:03:00,544 --> 00:03:03,552
Oh! Yes. I-- I am Grace.
66
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:04,729
Jack said I was funny?
67
00:03:04,772 --> 00:03:06,036
[chuckles]
68
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:06,951
No, he said
you were sort of funny.
69
00:03:08,302 --> 00:03:11,616
You're a cutie.
I can see why Jack wooed you.
70
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:13,752
Bet you made
an adorable couple.
71
00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:16,106
Come on, come on, come on.
72
00:03:16,149 --> 00:03:17,675
Uh, wh-- whoa.
73
00:03:19,026 --> 00:03:21,511
Adorable couple?
I...
74
00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:23,733
Yeah, I, uh,
and I think it's terrific
75
00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:25,564
that you and Jack
have stayed friends,
76
00:03:25,608 --> 00:03:26,524
even after he dumped you.
77
00:03:27,744 --> 00:03:29,007
Judith: Bye-bye.
78
00:03:30,534 --> 00:03:32,713
Dumped me?
What are you talking about?
79
00:03:32,756 --> 00:03:34,761
Jack's a...
Oh, my God, she has no idea.
80
00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:38,816
[theme music]
81
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:47,707
[instrumental music]
82
00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:51,151
Okay, okay,
cranberry sauce.
83
00:03:51,195 --> 00:03:55,466
"Add four cups of cranberries,
one cup sugar and orange zest"
84
00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:58,605
"to a heavy stock pot,
bring to a boil, then simmer"
85
00:03:58,648 --> 00:04:01,133
"and reduce
for 45 minutes."
86
00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:02,179
Yeah, that'll happen.
87
00:04:06,102 --> 00:04:08,979
Hi, Will, look, um,
I never got hold of my mom.
88
00:04:09,022 --> 00:04:10,766
So, when she gets here,
89
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:13,381
I'm just gonna take her
to the Russian Tea Room.
90
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:15,866
Yeah, that way none of us
have to deal with the monster.
91
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,699
So, um, I'm gonna
need your AmEx and FYI,
92
00:04:18,744 --> 00:04:19,746
how about my own card?
93
00:04:19,789 --> 00:04:20,966
This is getting
a little annoying.
94
00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,807
Russian Tea Room.
Wow!
95
00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:29,422
You'd do that just to--
to save us from the monster?
96
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:30,599
That's the kind of friend I am.
97
00:04:30,643 --> 00:04:31,864
Yeah, I thought
it might be because
98
00:04:31,907 --> 00:04:32,997
you haven't told you're mother
you're gay!
99
00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:33,695
[gasps]
100
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:44,417
I don't know
what you're talking about.
101
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,117
She came here yesterday, Jack.
102
00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:48,776
Damn her
and her dry runs.
103
00:04:52,786 --> 00:04:54,704
You told me,
you took an oath
104
00:04:54,748 --> 00:04:56,187
before God and your mother
105
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,232
that you would
never deny who you are.
106
00:04:57,276 --> 00:04:58,409
I lied.
107
00:04:58,453 --> 00:04:59,673
You told me
some elaborate story
108
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:00,807
about how you came out to her
as a way
109
00:05:00,851 --> 00:05:01,984
of avoiding
Pee Wee Football.
110
00:05:02,028 --> 00:05:03,335
I lied.
111
00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:04,774
You forced me
to come out to my own mother.
112
00:05:04,817 --> 00:05:06,953
You-- you-- you-- you teased me
and you pressured me
113
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:08,827
and you even left a copy
of "The Sensuous Gay Man"
114
00:05:08,871 --> 00:05:10,397
on her washing machine.
115
00:05:11,355 --> 00:05:13,143
I lied! I'm a bad man!
116
00:05:13,186 --> 00:05:14,668
Now, leave me alone
with my shame!
117
00:05:18,156 --> 00:05:19,942
How could you not tell her?
118
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:23,778
Will, I tried to.
I had so many chances, you know.
119
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:26,089
When she caught GI Joe
and Big Jim shackin' up
120
00:05:26,132 --> 00:05:27,570
in the Big Jim Sports Camper.
121
00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:32,366
She caught me in bed
with Stephen and a Dirt Devil.
122
00:05:39,296 --> 00:05:41,127
But I don't know, she's not
the easiest woman to talk to,
123
00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:44,352
you know, she's the most
self-involved person I know.
124
00:05:44,396 --> 00:05:46,140
Well, the fruit didn't fall far
from that tree.
125
00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:48,668
Uh.
126
00:05:48,711 --> 00:05:50,367
Here's a thought,
why don't you try telling her
127
00:05:50,412 --> 00:05:52,068
directly,
you hypocrite!
128
00:05:52,111 --> 00:05:54,639
Stop badgering me
with your ten dollar words.
129
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,955
I'm leaving.
I can't take any more of this.
130
00:05:58,999 --> 00:05:59,826
Hello, lover.
131
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:05,624
Wrong way, closet's in there.
132
00:06:07,194 --> 00:06:09,460
Once you go Jack,
you never go back.
133
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,339
Alright, fine!
I'll do it, okay?
134
00:06:13,383 --> 00:06:14,908
[sighs]
135
00:06:14,953 --> 00:06:17,436
Tonight at dinner,
I'll tell my mother I'm gay.
136
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,354
God, I would think after
30 years,
137
00:06:19,398 --> 00:06:20,750
it would be
kind of liberating.
138
00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:22,232
Oh, no!
We're not tellin' her I'm 30.
139
00:06:23,147 --> 00:06:25,849
[instrumental music]
140
00:06:29,118 --> 00:06:31,472
[slurping]
141
00:06:33,913 --> 00:06:35,004
Hi, honey.
142
00:06:38,795 --> 00:06:39,624
What are you doing here?
143
00:06:41,106 --> 00:06:41,890
You invited me.
144
00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:44,811
Yeah, but I never thought
you'd come.
145
00:06:46,903 --> 00:06:48,211
I figured
you'd be spending the holiday
146
00:06:48,254 --> 00:06:49,344
with Stan and the kids.
147
00:06:50,346 --> 00:06:52,047
What? No.
148
00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:00,329
Hey, your apartment
looks good.
149
00:07:00,372 --> 00:07:02,073
I like what you've done
with the place.
150
00:07:03,728 --> 00:07:04,905
Karen, I don't
live here anymore,
151
00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:06,910
and you've been to my new place.
152
00:07:06,954 --> 00:07:08,349
Boy...
153
00:07:08,392 --> 00:07:09,743
you try to be nice.
154
00:07:14,277 --> 00:07:15,716
Karen: Mm.
155
00:07:15,759 --> 00:07:18,244
Well, you've come
on a good night.
156
00:07:18,288 --> 00:07:20,118
Jack's mother is going
to be joining us
157
00:07:20,162 --> 00:07:22,341
and she doesn't know
Jack's gay.
158
00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:23,736
How could she not know?
159
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:25,087
What is she, headless?
160
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:36,464
I guess you believe
what you choose to believe.
161
00:07:36,508 --> 00:07:38,817
One time, Judith caught him
in bed with a guy,
162
00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:40,474
and Jack convinced her
that they were doing
163
00:07:40,518 --> 00:07:41,738
a school check for lice.
164
00:07:41,782 --> 00:07:43,787
[groans]
165
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:47,056
And when she caught him
wearing her high heels,
166
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:48,538
he said it was because
they helped him
167
00:07:48,582 --> 00:07:49,933
with an inner ear problem.
168
00:07:49,977 --> 00:07:50,718
Ah.
169
00:07:54,423 --> 00:07:58,390
And he also told her
that I am his ex-girlfriend.
170
00:07:58,433 --> 00:08:01,135
And she bought that?
Wha...
171
00:08:03,271 --> 00:08:03,968
Oh!
172
00:08:05,973 --> 00:08:07,456
- Wilma.
- Cruella.
173
00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:12,294
Jack's just in my wardrobe,
174
00:08:12,338 --> 00:08:14,038
trying to find the perfect
"Coming outfit."
175
00:08:15,782 --> 00:08:18,441
Heard that,
I am metaphorically curled up
176
00:08:18,484 --> 00:08:19,922
in the fetal position
and you continue to kick me
177
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,143
about the ear,
nose and throat?
178
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:26,287
- How about a little support?
- Okay, alright, fine.
179
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:28,858
Jack, this isn't gonna be
as hard as you think.
180
00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:31,778
On some level, your mother
has to know you're gay.
181
00:08:31,823 --> 00:08:33,348
I mean,
she has met you, right?
182
00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:34,438
[laughs]
183
00:08:38,928 --> 00:08:40,540
We are all here for you, okay?
184
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:42,284
Right, Karen?
185
00:08:42,328 --> 00:08:44,594
Why wasn't I your girlfriend,
queer bait!
186
00:08:50,522 --> 00:08:52,048
What?
187
00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:53,835
You told your mother
that Grace was your girlfriend.
188
00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:54,881
How could you?
189
00:08:56,668 --> 00:08:58,673
Karen, I didn't even know
you when I made up that lie.
190
00:08:58,717 --> 00:08:59,937
Oh, yeah,
well, when you met me,
191
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:00,852
then you should have
broken up with her
192
00:09:00,897 --> 00:09:02,204
and hooked up with me!
193
00:09:04,384 --> 00:09:06,040
You're married. I'm gay.
194
00:09:06,084 --> 00:09:08,394
Not in the lie!
195
00:09:14,234 --> 00:09:16,545
Excuse me,
eyes on the crisis, okay?
196
00:09:20,773 --> 00:09:23,344
If I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna need calm in the room.
197
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:24,435
Okay, calm.
198
00:09:26,963 --> 00:09:30,712
Zum-fun-yung-gai-hung-so-lo.
199
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:37,380
Zum-fun-yung-gai-hung-so-lo.
200
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:40,519
What is that?
201
00:09:40,563 --> 00:09:42,568
I think it's his
Fire Island mating call.
202
00:09:47,231 --> 00:09:50,065
There, I am now calm.
203
00:09:50,109 --> 00:09:51,678
[knock on door]
Judith: Hello!
204
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,247
Sarah Jessica Parker!
Hide me!
205
00:09:55,557 --> 00:09:58,434
It is time for you to grow up.
206
00:09:58,478 --> 00:10:01,529
You're gonna open that door,
be a man...
207
00:10:05,496 --> 00:10:08,939
And tell your mom
you sleep with guys!
208
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:13,516
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, honey.
209
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,568
- Ah, look at you.
- I know. Well, look at you.
210
00:10:16,611 --> 00:10:18,049
- Okay, look at me.
- No, look at me.
211
00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:25,198
Oh, God,
that table setting's exquisite,
212
00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:26,723
like it's fit for a queen.
213
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,744
Uh, you gonna
take this one or should I?
214
00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:37,490
[instrumental music]
215
00:10:41,369 --> 00:10:42,896
Will: Before we eat...
216
00:10:42,939 --> 00:10:45,205
my family has this tradition
where we go around the table
217
00:10:45,249 --> 00:10:48,170
and we each say the thing
we're most thankful for.
218
00:10:48,213 --> 00:10:50,872
But this year,
I thought we'd add a tradition.
219
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,792
Everybody has to tell a secret
about themselves
220
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,623
that they've been
too cowardly to reveal.
221
00:10:57,106 --> 00:10:58,195
- Jack, why don't you start?
- Mm.
222
00:10:58,238 --> 00:11:00,200
[mumbling]
223
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,857
Grace, what are you
most thankful for?
224
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,862
What? Wait, I'm...
Will, I'm not ready.
225
00:11:03,905 --> 00:11:05,605
Wait, uh, give me a second.
I want mine to rhyme.
226
00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:08,962
Karen?
227
00:11:09,005 --> 00:11:10,923
Okay.
228
00:11:10,967 --> 00:11:13,888
I'm thankful
that I found a pharmacologist
229
00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:15,761
who's as dumb as a box of hair.
230
00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:23,346
And my secret is...
231
00:11:23,389 --> 00:11:24,697
Jack and I were doin'
the dirty-dirty
232
00:11:24,741 --> 00:11:26,223
while you two
were still together.
233
00:11:35,115 --> 00:11:37,512
- What?
- Yeah, sorry, honey.
234
00:11:37,556 --> 00:11:39,997
I guess you just weren't woman
enough for him. Oh-ho, yeah!
235
00:11:45,969 --> 00:11:47,495
Jack, back to you.
236
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,192
[mumbles]
Not me.
237
00:11:49,805 --> 00:11:50,808
Alright.
238
00:11:54,905 --> 00:11:55,995
What am I thankful for?
239
00:11:56,038 --> 00:11:57,607
[chuckles]
240
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,874
So many things, really.
241
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,138
The smell of jasmine...
242
00:12:01,182 --> 00:12:03,274
[sniffs]
243
00:12:03,317 --> 00:12:05,584
- A kitten's purr.
- Oh.
244
00:12:05,628 --> 00:12:06,804
InStyle magazine.
245
00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:10,030
- Telemundo.
- Jack!
246
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:12,340
I know, I know.
247
00:12:13,387 --> 00:12:14,651
My secret is...
248
00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:19,619
there are things you, you
wanna say sometimes,
249
00:12:19,663 --> 00:12:22,061
but you just... never do.
250
00:12:23,848 --> 00:12:25,853
You-- you want to
say them, but, um...
251
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,296
Damn it, you just can't.
252
00:12:36,271 --> 00:12:38,494
Well, I'm pretty sure
I know what this is all about.
253
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:41,938
- You do?
- Judith: Mm-hm.
254
00:12:41,981 --> 00:12:45,250
He just can't stand
you two fighting over him.
255
00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:55,407
You are one sharp tack,
Judith.
256
00:13:09,181 --> 00:13:11,055
Remember that time
at Matt Stokes' party
257
00:13:11,099 --> 00:13:12,712
where we met for the first time?
258
00:13:12,755 --> 00:13:15,284
And I was in such deep denial
about being gay,
259
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:16,896
I think I was 20 pounds
overweight.
260
00:13:16,939 --> 00:13:18,204
- Thirty.
- Maybe twenty-five.
261
00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:19,119
Maybe thirty-five.
262
00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:21,778
Anyway.
263
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,394
You came up to me,
264
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,788
we didn't know each other
that well.
265
00:13:25,832 --> 00:13:27,314
You pulled me aside
and you said,
266
00:13:28,621 --> 00:13:30,060
"Aren't you tired yet?"
267
00:13:31,106 --> 00:13:32,980
And I was tired.
268
00:13:33,024 --> 00:13:36,032
Tired of actually reading
Playboy for the articles.
269
00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:39,345
Tired of keeping
my Bette Midler albums
270
00:13:39,388 --> 00:13:40,696
in Led Zeppelin sleeves.
271
00:13:44,358 --> 00:13:48,062
You took me to clubs
and introduced me to people,
272
00:13:48,106 --> 00:13:49,283
made me realize
what I'd been missing
273
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:50,242
by not being myself.
274
00:13:52,770 --> 00:13:53,946
And I'm thankful for that.
275
00:13:56,257 --> 00:13:58,829
I also taught you how to dance
without pointing all the time.
276
00:14:03,057 --> 00:14:04,626
And I'm thankful for that.
277
00:14:06,152 --> 00:14:07,198
And here's my secret...
278
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:11,557
I admire you, Jack,
279
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:12,603
because you are more yourself
280
00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:14,173
than anyone else
I have ever known.
281
00:14:14,216 --> 00:14:17,529
Will, look, I appreciate what
you're trying to do but...
282
00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:19,883
this is different,
my, my mother will fall apart.
283
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,278
- She's just--
- Jack, Jack, Jack. Jack, Jack.
284
00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:22,236
[sighs]
285
00:14:23,370 --> 00:14:24,677
"Aren't you tired yet?"
286
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,049
It's gonna be fine.
287
00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:38,451
Uh, somebody needs
to get back to the gym.
288
00:14:42,897 --> 00:14:46,036
Karen, how come
you moved in on her man?
289
00:14:46,079 --> 00:14:49,131
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.
He came on to me, okay?
290
00:14:49,174 --> 00:14:50,613
Yeah.
291
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,226
He was lookin' for a real woman,
292
00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:54,623
not somebody who just lays there
like Bibb lettuce.
293
00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:55,713
[Karen laughs]
294
00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,288
Bibb lettuce.
295
00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:05,085
Judith, that is a lie.
296
00:15:05,128 --> 00:15:07,090
This, this whole thing
is a lie.
297
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,222
The truth is, is that...
298
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:14,369
The truth is...
299
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,682
after two weeks with her,
he came runnin' back to me.
300
00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:22,084
Karen: He did not!
301
00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:24,046
Oh, but he did.
302
00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:27,751
What were his exact words again?
303
00:15:27,795 --> 00:15:30,846
Oh, yes, ""My Harold and Maude"
phase is over".
304
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:31,805
[gasps]
305
00:15:35,117 --> 00:15:37,079
Oh, I have half a mind
306
00:15:37,122 --> 00:15:39,607
to throw this martini
right in your face!
307
00:15:44,838 --> 00:15:45,928
Mom?
308
00:15:45,971 --> 00:15:47,453
Jack.
309
00:15:47,497 --> 00:15:49,066
Honey, I'm worried.
310
00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:51,812
You haven't said a thing
about my bangs.
311
00:15:54,907 --> 00:15:58,263
They're a little short,
but they'll grow in.
312
00:15:58,307 --> 00:16:00,835
Mom, uh, I have something
I wanna say to you.
313
00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:05,456
Um...
314
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,773
I've kept this from you
for a long time
315
00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:12,517
and-- and that's wrong.
316
00:16:12,561 --> 00:16:14,304
Because it makes it seem like
317
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,614
I'm ashamed of something
I'm not ashamed of.
318
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,235
I want, I want you to know
who I am,
319
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:23,197
because I'm proud of who I am.
320
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,033
Mom.
321
00:16:28,165 --> 00:16:29,648
- Are you wearing Chloe?
- Jack!
322
00:16:33,265 --> 00:16:34,922
Mom, I'm gay.
323
00:16:39,281 --> 00:16:40,022
Oh.
324
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,475
Judith.
325
00:16:49,089 --> 00:16:50,091
It's okay.
326
00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:53,753
So he's gay.
327
00:16:53,796 --> 00:16:56,629
He's still the same little boy
who gave you highlights
328
00:16:56,673 --> 00:16:57,632
for the first time.
329
00:17:00,073 --> 00:17:03,080
Honey, I, I think you're
missing the silver lining here.
330
00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:05,652
When you're old and in diapers,
a gay son will know
331
00:17:05,696 --> 00:17:08,617
how to keep you away
from chiffon and backlighting.
332
00:17:18,293 --> 00:17:20,822
Mom, I'm, I'm sorry
to disappoint you,
333
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:23,044
but... this is who I am.
334
00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:26,924
You could never disappoint me.
335
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:28,493
I just want you to be happy.
336
00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:31,893
Looking back on it,
337
00:17:31,937 --> 00:17:33,114
there have been clues.
338
00:17:39,870 --> 00:17:41,439
When you were a child,
339
00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:44,142
you were overly fond
of the nursery rhyme,
340
00:17:44,185 --> 00:17:46,103
"Rub-a-dub-dub,
three men in a tub".
341
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:52,118
And you do have a lot
of flamboyantly gay friends.
342
00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:54,559
I mean, look at Will.
343
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,747
No matter what, Jack...
344
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:04,367
you're what I'm most thankful
for in the whole world.
345
00:18:09,641 --> 00:18:10,731
Then why are you crying?
346
00:18:12,039 --> 00:18:14,219
Because I have a secret too!
347
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,675
The man you think
is your father...
348
00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:25,160
is not your father.
349
00:18:27,775 --> 00:18:28,690
What?
350
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:34,748
My God, this is like watching
"Gays Of Our Lives".
351
00:18:36,536 --> 00:18:37,452
Who's my father?
352
00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:41,854
Well, it's not exactly clear.
353
00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:46,430
Mother, if your explanation
doesn't end with the phrase
354
00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:48,567
born in a manger
I'm gonna be violently ill.
355
00:18:50,441 --> 00:18:54,059
It was the '60s.
I went to this party...
356
00:18:54,102 --> 00:18:56,717
Keys were thrown in a bowl,
the bowl was thrown in the pool,
357
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,333
off came the ponchos
and nine months later,
358
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:01,993
there you were.
359
00:19:05,784 --> 00:19:09,620
Oh, okay.
Uh, I can accept that.
360
00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:12,105
So...
361
00:19:14,982 --> 00:19:19,123
The guy I thought
was my dad... wasn't.
362
00:19:27,622 --> 00:19:29,540
So Jack's gay, huh?
363
00:19:35,077 --> 00:19:38,172
Hm. No wonder
he went back to you.
364
00:19:39,827 --> 00:19:42,486
[instrumental music]
365
00:19:46,976 --> 00:19:48,284
Will: So...
366
00:19:48,327 --> 00:19:49,984
How you doin' there,
little buddy?
367
00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:52,250
Oh, alright for the most parts.
368
00:19:52,294 --> 00:19:55,215
Little weirded out
about who my real father is.
369
00:19:55,258 --> 00:19:57,482
Just hope when I find him,
he doesn't wear a black helmet
370
00:19:57,525 --> 00:19:59,181
and speak with the voice
of James Earl Jones.
371
00:20:00,881 --> 00:20:03,497
Luke, you're a homo.
372
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,246
[blowing]
373
00:20:08,597 --> 00:20:09,904
Thanks for everything, Grace.
374
00:20:14,961 --> 00:20:19,189
Jack, you'll always treasure
what we had together.
375
00:20:19,232 --> 00:20:21,324
All I ask is that
when you speak of me later,
376
00:20:21,368 --> 00:20:22,676
and I know that you won't...
377
00:20:24,986 --> 00:20:26,120
please be kind.
378
00:20:28,342 --> 00:20:30,042
Get over it, Grace. You already
have one gay husband.
379
00:20:30,086 --> 00:20:31,176
Leave me be.
26910
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