All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S02E01 - Guess Whos Not Coming to Dinner 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

[instrumental music]

[panting]
Okay. This is the last one.

Ah. I still don't get why you
didn't just hire moving guys.

I think we did fine on our own.

I know,
but moving guys are hot.

Hm, firemen are hot. You want me
to set something on fire?

Yeah?

So do we like my new apartment?

We do.
You're gonna love it here.

Now, I don't think it smells
anything like cat pee.

Why are you that man?

Why are you an awful,
heinous breeder of discord?

- I-- I'm kidding.
- Are you kidding?

- I'm kidding!
- Are you kidding?

It smells like room deodorizer.

Cat-pee-scented
room deodorizer.

Shut up!

This is a big deal for me.

My God, you and I haven't spent
more than 24 hours apart

since I dumped my fiance
on our wedding day.

What a proud moment that was.

I'm gonna miss living with you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You know,
the way we tell each other

what to wear in the morning,

the way you'd fall asleep
in front of the TV

with that little string of drool
from the mouth to the shoulder.

The way you'd try and make

Jewish soup for me
when I was sick.

Hm, where you'd perch on the
balcony and make cooing noises,

jutting your head
back and forth.

[imitating bird]

No, no, that was pigeons.

- I get it mixed up.
- See?

I'm trying to be sentimental
here and you're doing schtick.

I don't want to get sentimental
'cause if I get sentimental,

I'll realize
how much I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

[laughing]

- Oh.
- Hm.

- Go.
- Yeah, right.

Go, I don't wanna get upset.

- I really like your new place.
- Thanks.

- Call me when you get home.
- First thing.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

It is weird living apart.

Yeah. We are living apart,
right?

I mean, th-- this is healthier?

Of course, it is.

Will, if it were unhealthy,

we wouldn't even think to ask
if it were unhealthy.

Good point.

Oh, so I, uh,
I gave my phone number

to that guy at Borders Books.

Phone number or business card?

- Business card.
- Not hot.

- Why? What?
- Hi.

I'm intimidated
by the possibility of rejection,

but my secretary isn't.
Call her.

I'm not intimidated by anything.

- Then call.
- Oh, yeah.

And what-- and what if
he's there, huh?

He says hello
and where does that leave me?

You're a disgrace
to your people.

Oh, see...

See, that, that is where
you are wrong.

You know, th-- th-- there's--
there's this whole myth

that it's easier
when two guys are involved.

Totally, untrue.

It's-- it's-- it is not
so easy for a guy

to meet another guy
in this city.

It's raining men! Hallelujah!

Great night at the clubs.

Jack was en fuego all night.

The lovelies were buzzing
around me

like... like what?

Like moths to a flamer?

[sighs]
Actually,

more like fat to a Will is fat.

[laughs]

Oh, touche, touche.

Okay, if you two are gonna play
Bitchy McSnipe,

I'm gonna head back to my place.

Just don't understand why
someone would subject themselves

to a constant barrage
of insults, day after day.

Honey, your new dump
smells like cat pee.

Never mind.

- Hey, poodle.
- Who's your daddy?

You are.

Sorry to get you up
so early, Karen.

Oh, grow up, honey.
I haven't been to bed yet.

I need to speak to both of you
about Rosario.

Hey, hey, hey. That's
Mrs. Jack McFarland to you.

I thought you were
Mrs. Jack McFarland.

[laughs]

And I thought
you didn't have love handles.

I guess we're both wrong.
[laughs]

I got a call from my friend
at the INS yesterday

and, apparently, the marriage
between a 30-year-old gay man

and a postmenopausal
Salvadoran maid

flagged something
in their computer.

- Okay, are we done yet?
- No.

Look, they're gonna
start making random visits

to verify that Jack and Rosario
are a real married couple.

So since
their official residence

is listed as your place,
I think the best thing would be

for Jack
to move into your penthouse.

I just adore a penthouse view.

[laughs]

Ooh, my very own
sexless marriage.

Just like Will and Grace.

No, not like Will and Grace.

We don't even
live together anymore.

She's got her own apartment.

Eight dysfunctional feet away.

Lord, they're like Siamese twins

who are joined
at their boring personalities.

Look, Grace and I
are now totally independent.

Separate homes,
separate lives, separate...

Showering, showering,
showering.

My Lord,
who Jiffy-Popped her head?

[instrumental music]

Well...
[chuckles]

This?

This is my penthouse view?

Did you say my name?

No, I said,
"This is my penthouse view."

But I understand it sounds
exactly like Rosario.

You know, you never talked to me
this way before we were married.

Sorry, Rosie, I'm still a little
tense about our conjugal bed.

Hey, hey.

You're on the clock, tamale.
Get to work.

Listen, lady, I'll squash you
like a wormy apple.

I hate it here, Karen.

I want to be in the good part
of the house with you.

Well, that's sweet, Jack,

but this is where
the help stays.

But I'm not help.

Honey, you married help,
you're help.

Oh, and, um, one other thing,
Stan sleepwalks,

so if you bump into him
in the middle of the night

and he puts the moves on you,
just go with it.

You might get a mink
in the morning.

[instrumental music]

Hi.

Just wanted to get some pudding.

You got pudding at the market.
I didn't.

This is fat-free, right?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Thanks. Bye.

Oh, it's chocolate.
I thought I grabbed the swirl.

You know, it's funny,
sp-- speaking

of chocolate versus swirl,
I'm naked!

I'm devoid of clothing!
I'm in my nude.

I know.
You're so naked these days.

Since when did you start
being naked all the time?

Well, since I started
living alone.

Hey, just 'cause you're naked

doesn't mean
you have to be cheeky.

Bye, Will.

Oh, remind me
to get you a bookmark.

Okay, this isn't working.

Well, what are you
telling me for?

Talk to your urologist.
Thank you, New York!

Yeah, maybe Jack and Karen
were right.

You know, maybe-- maybe
this moving across the hall

hasn't solved our problem.

Will, you just said
Jack and Karen were right.

I want you to cut wheat
out of your diet.

Come on, look at you, you're
still totally dependent on me.

Why, 'cause I borrowed
a pudding pack?

No, Grace,
you borrow everything.

CDs, books, clothes.

You spent half of last night

looking through my apartment
for bubble bath.

- So?
- You don't have a tub.

I hope you're at least planning
on buying that pillow a drink.

Grace, do not deflect. You can't
do anything without me.

You can't have a bath,
you can't eat pudding.

God knows, you can't even
cook a meal without me.

[laughs]

That was me
laughing without you.

Because I happen to be throwing

a fabulous dinner party
tomorrow night.

- You're not having a party.
- Oh, but I am.

Uh, perhaps you don't know about
it 'cause you're not invited.

I'm not invited because
there is no dinner party, Grace.

Can't you see this arrangement
isn't working? You have to move.

And I don't mean across the hall

and I don't mean
to another floor,

I mean, you gotta move
somewhere out there.

Okay, now I'm confused.

Do you want me to move east...

or south?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Richard, hi.
It's, uh, Will Truman.

Yeah.
[chuckles]

Listen, I just wanted
to call and thank you

for, uh, recommending
that John Updike to me.

My favorite part? Um...

When you smiled at me and said,

"Thanks for shopping
at Borders."

[laughs]

Yeah, well, listen, I, uh,
just thought I'd call and see

if maybe you wanted
to have a drink with me.

Well, great.

Uh, hi. I'm holding for Richard.

Oh, oh, hi, Rich-- Richard.

It's Will Updike.
Uh, Will-- Will-- Will Truman.

It's not... It's Will Truman,
not Will Updike.

I'm-- I'm a Tru-man,
not an Up-dike.

Richard, could you hold
for a minute?

Idiot!

Hi. So, um...

L-- listen, uh, you know, when
I was at Borders the other day

and you thanked me,
I-- I didn't say you're welcome.

And I...
Pardon me?

Yes, I would like to have
a drink with you.

Tomorrow night would be good.

Okay. I look forward to it, too.

Bye.

Ow!

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Oh.

- Hi.
- Hi, honey. Great dress.

Where are Fred and Ethel?

Here, I brought you
a little housewarming gift.

Oh, oh. Oh, thank you.

Thank you.
That was really sweet of you.

Oh, a, a martini set.
[chuckles]

And an open bottle of gin.

Oh.
[chuckles]

Grace, what, um...

What is this about?

Okay, you can stop
with the hands of judgment.

I don't have any furniture yet,
so I thought

it'd be kind of fun
to have a picnic.

Oh, I get it. Kind of like
Saratoga before the races.

Except there's no grass or trees

and of course, Saratoga
doesn't smell like a litter box.

Actually, it's just like
the picnics I had growing up.

Watermelon, apple pie,
drunk and bitter Aunt Greta.

Karen, can you just please
try and have a good time?

Hm. Oh, okay, honey. I'll try.

Oh, this is gonna be
a wonderful party, a picnic!

All of Manhattan will be abuzz!

Speaking of Manhattans
and a buzz...

[knocking on door]

Coming, coming, coming.

- Hi! Hi.
- Hi. This is for you.

Thank you. Hi.

Come on in, come on in.

So isn't it cute?

- It's so cute.
- So, so cute.

[chuckling]

Where's Will?

- Oh, he-- he's not coming.
- Oh.

- Did you guys get into a fight?
- No.

So I don't get it.

He's in his apartment
and I'm in mine,

throwing a dinner party.

Oh.

Who cooked?

- I did.
- She cooked, Rob.

So, uh, is Will coming later?

Karen: Oh, for God's sake,

it's just gonna be
the four of us!

Grab a bottle, hunker down
and pray for daylight!

[instrumental music]

Do-- does this go with this?

Does no go with way?
[chuckles]

Okay, you're no longer helping.
Out.

I don't-- don't need you here

doing a-- a Joan
and Melissa Rivers on me.

Ugh, Cybill.
What's with the gloves?

Did the eczema flair up again?
[gagging]

Out, out, out, out.

Now, Will,
I understand you're anxious

'cause Grace isn't here
to dress you and burp you...

but tonight's gonna be great.

I think it's fantastic
you're gettin' out there again.

And watch, you'll see,
everything's gonna be just fine.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello? Oh, hi, Richard.
- Uh-oh.

Yeah, that-- that's fine. Uh,
I'll be here. Take your time.

He's just running a little late.

Ooh. Ouch. Wow.

You okay?

What do you mean am I okay?
Why wouldn't I be?

Tsk, tsk, tsk,
Will, have you totally forgotten

how to speak our language?

Running late is gay
for I'm blowing you off.

Really? What's gay for get out?

That would be good morning.

- Good morning, Jack.
- Good morning, Jack.

[instrumental music]

So how's the soup?
Everyone loving the soup?

- It's a little cold.
- It's gazpacho.

It's supposed to be cold.

Okay, it's bad.

- Honey.
- What?

What do you want me to say?
You want to lie to her?

Like I did
about the hors d'oeuvres?

Honey.

No, it's-- it's-- it's okay,
it's okay.

I mean, the most important thing
is that everyone's having fun.

Honey, what's the second
most important thing?

Oh, ah! Do you have a chair?

Oh. Sitting on the floor,
really bad for his back.

Yeah. I'm like the Al Pacino
of back problems.

- Sciatica, sciatica!
- Rob!

- Oh, God!
- Rob?

Good Lord.
Where'd you find these two?

You know what, I-- I bet we can
borrow a chair from Will.

No! No, no, no.
No, we don't need Will. I'm...

Look, I-- I-- I'll make a chair.
I'll make a chair.

Um, I'll just...
Look. Look, look, look.

Look, I'll just, um,

I'll just throw a, a sheet
over this box.

Look, we're having fun.
We're improvising.

We're draping. See?
And we're sitting.

And we just located
my missing Waterpik.

Grace...

you're stuffed in a box,
getting rid of ass plaque.

Take it as a sign.

This evening is a bust. Okay.

[laughs]

It-- it's not.

Honey, honey, it's over, okay?

You never had a chance in hell
without Wilma.

Now, you know I've never been
a big fan of Will's,

but let's face it, the girl
knows how to entertain, okay?

Right? Am I right?

Obviously,
I know how to entertain.

- What's that smell?
- It's cat pee!

A cat has peed.

The entire apartment

is soaked in cat urine, okay?

Smells like rosemary.

Oh, that's the chicken.

- Excuse me.
- Oh, thank God! Will!

- Will! Hey.
- Hi, Hi.

How are you? Good to see you.

- Hi, hi.
- Will, what are you doing here?

Look, just,
I-- I just need to talk to you.

I had a date tonight
with the Borders guy

and-- and he called to say
that he's running late.

That was an hour ago.

Is-- is that some kind of code

for he's blowing me off?

Will, I'm sorry, excuse me,

but you're gonna have to leave

'cause I'm in the middle

of a very lovely dinner party
with my friends.

Put down the cheese
and return to the picnic area!

Grace, did-- did you hear me?
I-- I really need to talk.

I'm sorry, you need to leave

'cause I'm about to serve
the entre.

I'm just asking
for a little advice.

No, what you asked for
was an independent life.

And that's what you have now,
so go home, read in the nude

and play with your pudding.

[instrumental music]

Thanks.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You know, I've been thinking

and maybe you're right,
you know

about me being too close

and not being independent and...

No, no. I-- I was,
I-- I was crazy that day. I...

All I'd had for lunch
was Bugles, so I-- I didn't--

No. No, you were right.

This across-the-hall thing,
it was, it was a bad idea.

So tomorrow I'm gonna wake up,
I'm gonna get the paper

and I'm gonna start looking
for a place somewhere out there.

Grace, you don't have
to do that.

No, I do. I do.

I mean, I can deal with
the occasional bad dinner party.

- Awful, by the way.
- Mm.

I blame the ghost
of Little Kitty Pee-a-lot.

But if me living this close is
turning into some sort of crutch

for the both of us,
then, then it isn't working.

- And I should--
- You-- you...

Mind if I take that?
I'm starving.

Hi.

- Or maybe it is working.
- I'll call you.

- He's cute. Is he funny?
- Gotta go.

Okay, call me, call me.

No, wait, he's a cutie.

Did I interrupt something? Am I
about to interrupt something?

Will: Buh-bye.

Grace, I'll tell you everything
over breakfast.

Love you.

[instrumental music]

I'm going to Costco tomorrow.

Do you need anything?

Socks.

The kind with the ball
on the end or the plain tubes?

Sweetie, you choose.
It's six of one.

I like a tube sock on a man.

Me, too.