Original subtitles

A pop original series.

Max, ever since we got back together, there's a question I feel like I have to

ask you.

Sure, anything.

Did we get better at this?

Well, you have to give a little bit of credit to that performance enhancer you

gave me.

This knee brace is a game changer.

All right, gotta go get ready for Halloween.

Though what we did was a treat and involved a few tricks.

Maybe we should just blow off the costume.

I mean, you already are a sexy nurse.

Hey, that's demeaning.

Sexy nurse practitioner.

But we're doing the costume.

I can't wait.

Ooh, but before you go, there is something I want to give you.

In the shower.

God bless that knee brace.

This is it.

One day at a time.

Oh, good. You're going out for Halloween.

I'm climate change activist Greta Thunberg, and Sid is a melting iceberg

because you're too hot.

Oh.

We're Thunberg and iceberg.

Why can't you just be guts?

You already got the whisker.

We are not going trick-or-treating. We are going door-to-door to collect

signatures and inform people about man-made climate change.

Shouldn't we say person-made climate change?

I'm going with the men taking the credit for this one.

Halloween is the perfect night because suckers will open the door for anybody.

Oh, yeah.

You ring the doorbell and before they even know what's happening, we hit them

with the facts.

Bam! Damage will be irreversible by 2030.

Bam! Welcome to the insect apocalypse.

Bam! That is the sound of a door slamming in your face.

Put this outside.

With that bobo in the White House, I can't stand to look at an orange face

right now.

He's like a funky, and he will get thrown out in November.

Well, guess what we are.

A reminder to shave my legs?

No, come on.

This is serious.

It's okay, babe. They just, they need a hint.

Okay, okay. You are a cow and you have stepped in the cow caca.

Goat yoga.

Goat yoga.

Obviously.

We're never going to win.

He's got a lot riding on winning tonight's Halloween costume contest at

the Echo Park Country Club.

They have a country club in Echo Park?

Oh, no, it's the Beverly Hills Country Club. They just call it Echo Park on

Halloween to make it sound scary.

I've never won, but this year I can't lose because I have Avery in my life,

and I'm finally in a loving relationship.

And couples' costumes always win.

The prize is an iPad mini, and I never win anything.

You're a rich, straight, cisgender, white dude. You won at life.

But I won an iPad mini.

Ooh. Hey, what are you, a little boat peep and a messed up sheep?

Come on, let's go back to our apartment.

Ah, it's a Halloween miracle.

A hurdy hur, hur, hur, hur.

Mom, we're going to go now.

Oh, you two look great.

This is a lot better than last year's toxic drinking water and tumor costume.

Yeah, we really bummed out that senior center.

Bye-bye.

Lupita, you look so happy.

Did you enjoy your walk?

Walk of shame?

I know you were with Max doing hunky-punky when you needed to be here

doing tricky-treaty.

Mommy, I don't know what you're talking about. We were knitting sweaters and

reading the Bible.

What is wrong with you?

I would have broken him down like a cardboard box.

Put this outside.

Okay, I'll do that.

Hey, take it somewhere else, you old creep.

Oh, hey, Mom.

Anderson Cooper, Billy Idol, Steve Martin?

I don't know who any of those people are.

Doesn't he look like he could be in a boy band?

Yeah. Boy, it's all men.

Wait, this isn't my costume.

I dyed my hair.

Like permanently?

How could you do that without asking me?

I did ask you. I said, Mom, on Halloween, can I dye my hair silver?

Why would you use Halloween in that sentence? That is so misleading.

What have you done?

You look just like your abuelo.

Tonight I will put you in his suit and we will dance.

Oh, I've made a big mistake.

Yeah, you did.

We'll talk about it later when you get back from trick-or-treating.

Yeah, I think I'm over that.

Wait, so you're done trick-or-treating?

With last year your last year? Why didn't you tell me?

How could I tell you last year was the last year if I didn't know until this

year?

Well, you're a wise old man. Figure it out.

I'm sorry.

But can I please go to Nora? Her parents are having a party.

Don't worry.

He'll be home in time to take his arthritis pills.

That's a good one.

Yes, you can go to Nora's house.

But make sure you're home in time to spoon your grandmother.

clean in my bathroom.

Well, I can't wait to see you.

Pregnancy day.

Oh, I can't wait to see you, too. Just about to head over.

Are you sure you have enough candy?

Completely sure.

Positive.

So I can stop.

I've been through this a couple times before.

100% sure.

Instead of handing out candy all night? What am I supposed to do? Leave it in a

basket outside the door and hope someone takes it?

That's not how I was raised.

The

one

governor who's crushing it the most right now is Andrew Cuomo.

Yeah. Thanks to his handling of the coronavirus, his approval rating has

soared to a seven-year high.

And he's even becoming something of a coronavirus crush for many people

because of coronavirus and how he's handling it.

I'm not going to lie. Those people include me.

My Tinder profile now lists me as a Cuomo sexual.

The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah, new tonight at 11.

A day spent at the fair has sights that must be seen. A spin around the

whirlwind twirl turns dad a little green.

And views like this, they all agree, are few and far between.

Goldfish Crackers, the snack that smiles back.

Great parenting needs great allies.

New Ziploc Grip and Seal.

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S.C. Johnson.

You are the first Chicano detective in the Los Angeles Police Department.

Are you a cop pretending to be Mexican or a Mexican pretending to be a cop?

There's been some trouble. Let me know if there's anything more terrible going

on.

Pepsi invites you to join artists from all over the globe for one special night

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Tune in April 18th to participate in this historic global event.

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Missed an episode?

So good.

Catch up now.

Baby, come on.

One day at a time. New episodes available on Pop Now.

I

got to

admit, Grease was a great costume idea.

Right? Because we go together.

Is it weird that I'm really attracted to you even though you're technically

dressed as a high school girl?

Nah. Every teen in that movie was pushing 40.

Instead of this, they were worried about a liver spot.

Presenting the House of Schneider!

Serving Halloween extravaganza realness.

Well? Do you get it?

Drag. Race.

You're Drag Race.

Yes! Thank you!

I mean, it's really more of a history lesson in heels.

The full title is Drag Race, A Drag Queen Started Stonewall.

Oh,

Drag Race. That's cute.

Oh, no.

Don't say that.

Cute?

Do you think I tucked and taped for cute?

You're in a dress.

I think you tut and taped for nothing.

Cutes for losers.

Last year, I went into the hang-in-there cat.

Nothing.

I almost gave up for good, and then I looked in the mirror, and something

inspired me to keep going.

Anyway, back to the drawing board.

He actually draws on a board.

Tick stickers.

Very sad.

I can fix him.

She's a lucky woman. All right.

Now it's time for a little summer lovin', and by summer I mean October,

and by lovin' I mean wine.

Ooh, County Duty calls.

Ooh, our first trick-or-treaters. I love seeing those little cuties all dressed

up.

The beast is here.

I never saw the movie.

I thought it was about a beautiful woman and her pet dog in a tuxedo.

Leslie, may I see you in the kitchen?

Oh, shall I be your guest?

Why are you being weird? Get in the kitchen.

is, but I assure you, I will raise this baby as my own.

Oh, Nancy, it is not my baby.

Oh, thank God. I can't raise a baby.

I can't even get up off of this knee.

Maybe I should try one of those knee braces Penelope's raving about at work.

Penelope is pregnant.

Dios mio!

know about this?

I think that is what they are talking about right now.

They deserve privacy.

They're not gonna get it, but they deserve it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay. What should we hit them with first? How rising sea levels will

destroy coastal communities or the coming political chaos caused by

widespread food insecurity?

They're both so inevitable.

Okay, you decide.

I'll use what I learned from my summer improv course to yes and whatever you

say.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Anna and Olaf from Frozen.

What? No, no, no, we're not from Frozen.

Yes, and what's not Frozen is the Arctic.

So cute. Two pieces of candy each.

Thank you, bye.

costumes are making a radical political statement.

He just thought we were adorable.

Men.

Okay. Well, let's not panic because we can get it right on this one.

Hi. We are here to talk about climate. Oh, my stars.

What very clever and timely costumes.

Thank you.

Dorothy and the tornado.

We really didn't think this through.

Well, here we go.

Oh, uh, thank you so much, but actually... We wanted to talk to you

about... What is going

on? I'll tell you what's going on.

Full-size candy bars!

Let's try the next door. Oh, just see if they'll sign the petition.

They have knickers.

Yes. And maybe Twix? Yes.

All right, I'm calling it.

Once the 30-year-old SpongeBob comes around, it's time to close up shop.

Well, we did it.

Yes. Thanks for having me over.

This was fun.

Well, when Alex said he was done trick-or-treating, I realized a part of

my life was ending. But I guess another part is beginning.

Sounds like we should make a toast.

Yeah.

To new beginnings.

Chardonnay is not for babies.

What is happening?

You are pregnant.

You're pregnant?

No. Well, how did you explain this?

I explained this. It's not mine. I'm not pregnant. So nobody's pregnant?

Somebody is pregnant, according to the trash.

Hold on.

You found a pregnancy test in our trash can?

Well, if it's not yours, then... Oh,

could it be Elena's?

Do you think she fell off the wagon?

No, she really loves that wagon.

Which means it can only be.

I think the only one. Alex, yes.

I've had a lot of toothaches in the past. I can believe the pain. I've tried

pain pills.

They never did anything for me. Nothing works like this right here, Orgel.

Get some of this. Just put it right up here. It wiped out the pain. Just like

that. It worked immediately.

Oh, hello.

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Command picture hanging strips hold strong and remove cleanly.

Command. Do no harm.

I'm very conflicted and, yeah, skeptical.

Talking to a psychic over the phone is a bit impersonal. They can't be for real,

can they?

We let these skeptics try California psychics, and here's what they had to

say. You know, it was probably the best psychic reading I've ever had. Gosh, I

got everything I could imagine from my reading. I'm like, man, how does she

know this stuff?

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Let the master work.

Helena, help me keep that turn figure. Every girl wants to know.

Lisa!

Okay, let me guess.

The kids are in the car.

No, no, no, Melba, hi.

Soy Penelope Alvarez, la mamá de Alex.

We've spoken on the phone a couple times.

It's so nice to meet you in person.

Ay, Penelope, qué gusto conocerte.

Este es mi esposo Ramón. Hola, Ramón, ¿cómo estás?

This is my boyfriend.

Mi amor, es Max.

Ay,

qué bonita tu casa.

What are you doing here?

Why are you dressed like an old biker, dude?

I am Sandy from Greece. You don't know who that is either.

Look, we need to talk about this.

And we would love to be part of that conversation.

Norita!

She'll be out in a minute.

Why are you showing me a pregnancy test?

Don't give me that crap, you silver fox.

We found this at home. See, Mommy?

Norita, what were you doing at Alex's house today?

What? Nothing.

Well, then somebody explain this.

It's not ours.

Alex, we found it in the trash.

It's not mine, not Abuelita's, not Elena's. How is it not yours? Because

it's not, all right?

What other explanation is there? It's impossible.

We haven't had sex, okay?

Really?

Look at me.

No sex at all.

Oh, my God, no sex.

Just over the shirt stuff.

We probably didn't need that information.

Can we all stop talking about this now, please?

What a memorable first meeting, Amelba.

I'm glad we figured this out without too much embarrassment, right?

Mucho gusto.

Sí.

Sí, mucho Halloween.

Sorry, that's a German in high school.

I thought you were out doing a political crusade.

We tried, believe me, but sometimes we dress up to discuss the coming global

disaster, but people think you're the Swiss Miss Girl in mashed potatoes.

That's okay because this is going to give us so much energy to fight harder

tomorrow.

Who knew Halloween was fun?

Literally everybody.

Elena, is there any way this positive pregnancy test

is yours?

How many times do you want me to come out?

Do know you need a man for that, right?

Excuse me, I think the Virgin Mary would clap back.

All right.

Well, I'm not pregnant.

Oh, for a second they had me convinced. I mean, you are a saint.

Well, this has to belong to someone. It didn't just appear by magic.

Don't compliment us. We came in second. We lost to Elton John.

Oh, who was dressed like Elton John?

No, we lost to Elton John, who was dressed as Garfield eating lasagna.

It was adorable.

Where did you find that?

Congratulations.

Why are you congratulating her? I told you we lost.

Hey, don't cry.

Hang in there.

Okay.

Why didn't I think I'd be telling you like this?

That's why I... Put it in their trash because I wasn't sure how you'd react.

I mean, it's not like we planned this.

So what are you saying?

So

does

that mean you're happy?

Yes! Are you?

This is so much better than an iPad mini.

Oh, congratulations, you two.

Oh, yes, and we are here for you if you need us.

And you will.

I'm going to be a tío.

I'm going to be a tía.

I'm going to be a TX.

But this calls for a celebration.

Hey, Grandpa, will you take us out for ice cream?

Let's keep the hair. It's silver, but the jokes are gold.

Welcome home!

I can't get why she does it. It's a real power move.

Mommy,

you think a sign is going to stop me? I'm parked in a loading zone right now.

One day at a time. All new next Tuesday at 9.30. Set your DVR now.