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1
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:10,883
- Will?
- Hey.
2
00:00:10,926 --> 00:00:12,627
I thought you
were gonna clean up.
3
00:00:12,670 --> 00:00:14,849
Grace: I had to wash my face
4
00:00:14,893 --> 00:00:17,029
and I didn't want to
do it with dirty hands.
5
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,343
I thought
you were at Jack's.
6
00:00:21,387 --> 00:00:23,348
Ugh, I was just there.
7
00:00:23,392 --> 00:00:25,527
God, he's so freaked out
about turning 30.
8
00:00:25,571 --> 00:00:28,447
He's in full Greta Garbo mode.
9
00:00:28,491 --> 00:00:30,409
Mmm, back of the hand
on the forehead,
10
00:00:30,452 --> 00:00:32,370
the tear-stained
marabou nightgown.
11
00:00:34,942 --> 00:00:36,249
Why did you come back?
12
00:00:36,293 --> 00:00:37,992
He wanted me to pick up
one of his birthday gifts.
13
00:00:38,036 --> 00:00:39,735
Oh, here it is.
14
00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:42,656
That'll cheer him up.
15
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:44,007
You know, with the
right treat on the end
16
00:00:44,051 --> 00:00:46,927
Jack can jump like three feet.
17
00:00:46,971 --> 00:00:48,235
Jump, Jack, jump.
18
00:00:50,545 --> 00:00:51,635
I'm sorry, were you asleep?
19
00:00:51,678 --> 00:00:53,247
Oh, yeah.
20
00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:55,296
- You're all flushed
- Huh?
21
00:00:55,339 --> 00:00:57,867
Oh, oh, I-- I was,
I was just dreaming.
22
00:00:57,911 --> 00:00:59,306
Sex dream.
23
00:00:59,349 --> 00:01:02,095
No, actually, it wasn't.
It was, uh, it was surreal.
24
00:01:02,139 --> 00:01:05,843
Um, I was, uh...
25
00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:07,717
I was on a fishing boat.
26
00:01:07,761 --> 00:01:11,335
And I, uh, you know,
27
00:01:11,378 --> 00:01:13,253
turned into a chicken.
28
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:18,221
I'm gonna go back to Jack's
and I will be very late.
29
00:01:18,265 --> 00:01:19,572
- Okay.
- Okay.
30
00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:24,802
[sighing]
31
00:01:29,683 --> 00:01:33,214
Hmm, is it wrong
that I feel so good in this?
32
00:01:34,608 --> 00:01:37,267
[theme music]
33
00:01:47,814 --> 00:01:49,296
- Hey.
- Hey.
34
00:01:49,341 --> 00:01:52,304
Who loves you?
Grace Adler does.
35
00:01:52,348 --> 00:01:54,483
Because she stopped by
Mendel's Kosher Bakery
36
00:01:54,527 --> 00:01:56,271
and picked you up
three different things
37
00:01:56,314 --> 00:01:57,403
with hucch in them.
38
00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:03,331
And one fat free hucch for me.
39
00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:05,117
My favorite, phlegm cakes.
40
00:02:08,517 --> 00:02:10,129
Just put mine in
the kitchen, thank you.
41
00:02:10,174 --> 00:02:13,922
Okay, Umm...
42
00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:15,229
Will, I-- I really need
to-- to talk to you about--
43
00:02:15,273 --> 00:02:17,147
Oh, hold on, hold on.
[chuckles]
44
00:02:17,191 --> 00:02:18,760
I'm, uh, chatting
with this dentist.
45
00:02:18,803 --> 00:02:21,069
He wants to know
what celebrity I look like.
46
00:02:21,113 --> 00:02:23,772
Hmm, who's "Hat Lawyer?"
47
00:02:23,815 --> 00:02:28,349
Oh, um, Hot Lawyer
was already taken.
48
00:02:34,232 --> 00:02:35,976
Is there something
you wanted to tell me?
49
00:02:37,065 --> 00:02:40,552
Yes. Yes. Yes, there is.
50
00:02:47,395 --> 00:02:52,189
Okay, okay. You know
how, um, how sometimes
51
00:02:52,232 --> 00:02:54,150
you y-- you do something,
52
00:02:54,194 --> 00:02:55,370
and you get all caught up in it
53
00:02:55,415 --> 00:02:57,201
and, you know it's stupid
54
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,683
but you don't realize
55
00:02:58,726 --> 00:03:01,995
just how stupid
it really is
56
00:03:02,039 --> 00:03:04,654
until after?
57
00:03:04,698 --> 00:03:06,310
Sure, I mean,
that-that's how "Footloose,"
58
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,400
the musical, got made.
59
00:03:07,444 --> 00:03:10,102
[laughing]
Yeah.
60
00:03:16,335 --> 00:03:19,778
- You had sex!
- No!
61
00:03:19,822 --> 00:03:22,044
Really? 'Cause I'm
getting a reading.
62
00:03:22,088 --> 00:03:24,180
No, no, that-- that's
probably just because
63
00:03:24,223 --> 00:03:28,495
um, I... had sex.
64
00:03:30,063 --> 00:03:33,028
Trampolina!
65
00:03:33,071 --> 00:03:36,558
- Yeah.
- Yeah! Wow! When?
66
00:03:36,602 --> 00:03:38,344
Don't! No-no-no,
don't tell me. Let me guess.
67
00:03:38,388 --> 00:03:40,873
Uh, let me see,
last night was the party.
68
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,052
That was all gay men,
except for my brother.
69
00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:45,144
Um...
Oh, my God.
70
00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:46,451
Oh, Will, God.
71
00:03:46,495 --> 00:03:48,631
Oh, my God!
It wasn't the party!
72
00:03:48,674 --> 00:03:53,294
It's the produce guy
from Balducci's.
73
00:03:53,338 --> 00:03:55,124
- What? No, no.
- Don't lie to me.
74
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,216
I've seen you flirt with him.
75
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:59,701
"Excuse me, sir, um,
are these blueberries fresh?"
76
00:03:59,745 --> 00:04:01,444
Grace, you blueberry tart.
77
00:04:03,798 --> 00:04:05,410
Will, it wasn't
the produce guy.
78
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,721
- It isn't?
- No. It's...
79
00:04:07,765 --> 00:04:10,335
[computer beeps]
Oh, my God. I've got mail.
80
00:04:12,558 --> 00:04:14,695
He's quoting Nietzsche.
81
00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:19,140
Does it make him pretentious
or maybe just intense and smart?
82
00:04:19,183 --> 00:04:21,493
I'll fire off a quote from
Joan Lunden's autobiography,
83
00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:22,583
see if that scares him off.
84
00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:28,162
So, who was it?
85
00:04:29,774 --> 00:04:34,132
Uh, it was your...
[computer beeps]
86
00:04:34,177 --> 00:04:35,527
He took the bait.
87
00:04:35,571 --> 00:04:37,707
Wow, he wants to meet me.
88
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,411
Should I do that?
I mean, he's a dentist.
89
00:04:42,806 --> 00:04:46,249
Do it.
Maybe he's "Hat."
90
00:04:46,293 --> 00:04:47,208
[chuckles]
91
00:04:50,128 --> 00:04:51,305
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
92
00:04:51,348 --> 00:04:52,264
You were right in
the middle of-- of, uh--
93
00:04:52,308 --> 00:04:55,054
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's okay.
94
00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:56,753
- We can talk about it later.
- I'm totally interested.
95
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,191
I'm just kind of
into this right now.
96
00:04:58,235 --> 00:05:00,327
No, no. It's cool.
Uh, we'll talk later.
97
00:05:00,370 --> 00:05:02,114
Um, I'm goin' to Balducci's.
98
00:05:02,158 --> 00:05:03,639
You want me to pick
anything up while I'm there?
99
00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,514
The produce guy.
Oh, you already did that.
100
00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:07,126
[laughing]
101
00:05:12,225 --> 00:05:14,710
Look, the Jacobs
had to cancel this morning.
102
00:05:14,754 --> 00:05:16,496
So I've rescheduled
for tomorrow afternoon.
103
00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,371
Can you just call
and nail down a time
104
00:05:18,414 --> 00:05:20,245
and make sure that
they don't need any...
105
00:05:20,289 --> 00:05:22,773
- What?
- You had sex.
106
00:05:27,219 --> 00:05:31,141
What? How did you...
Well, is-- is this out on video?
107
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:34,759
I don't understand.
How does everybody know?
108
00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:37,940
Well, every poker player
has a tell.
109
00:05:37,984 --> 00:05:41,035
And, uh, speaking of poker,
who was it, huh?
110
00:05:43,388 --> 00:05:45,698
No one you know.
So just don't even--
111
00:05:45,741 --> 00:05:47,181
[gasps]
It was Sam!
112
00:05:47,224 --> 00:05:48,662
Oh, my God!
113
00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:56,551
No, you know what, I am going,
before you figure out
114
00:05:56,594 --> 00:05:57,902
every detail
of what happened last night.
115
00:05:57,946 --> 00:06:00,517
Oh, honey, come on,
there is no possible way
116
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,825
I could know every detail.
117
00:06:01,869 --> 00:06:03,132
I only know it was twice.
118
00:06:03,175 --> 00:06:04,876
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
119
00:06:06,793 --> 00:06:08,232
Alright, I'm going out
for coffee.
120
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:10,759
Yeah, bring me back one
of those sweet rolls in the hay.
121
00:06:13,461 --> 00:06:15,075
Not a word.
122
00:06:15,118 --> 00:06:18,473
- Oh.
- Not a word to anyone.
123
00:06:18,518 --> 00:06:20,522
Fine, honey. Whatever.
124
00:06:20,565 --> 00:06:22,179
God, I'm not gonna
say a word to anybody.
125
00:06:22,222 --> 00:06:23,137
Swear.
126
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:27,670
Swear on your mother's...
127
00:06:29,632 --> 00:06:31,679
On your stepchildren's...
128
00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:36,387
Swear on your jewelry.
129
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,694
[gasps]
130
00:06:41,007 --> 00:06:42,402
Alright, I swear.
131
00:06:47,588 --> 00:06:49,026
Good morning, star-shine.
132
00:06:59,705 --> 00:07:03,496
Oh, my God. I'm 30.
133
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,197
Do you know what
that is in gay years?
134
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:09,859
It's over. I'm gone.
Goodnight. Buh-bye.
135
00:07:10,993 --> 00:07:12,040
Honey, what's with the cap?
136
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,913
Was your hair doin'
a dippity-don't?
137
00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:19,492
Karen, I'm in mourning
for my life.
138
00:07:19,535 --> 00:07:21,453
Oh, I know you are poodle.
139
00:07:21,497 --> 00:07:23,502
And if I hadn't deadened
my frown lines with Botox
140
00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:24,983
you'd be able
to read my empathy.
141
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,560
I'm 30 years old and
I've done nothing with my life.
142
00:07:29,604 --> 00:07:30,780
I've done jack.
143
00:07:34,877 --> 00:07:37,101
Just... jack.
144
00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:42,374
Nothing will ever
make me happy again.
145
00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:44,596
[gasps]
146
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,735
Honey?
147
00:07:47,778 --> 00:07:49,609
I've got a little gossip.
148
00:07:49,653 --> 00:07:52,486
Yay!
149
00:07:52,529 --> 00:07:54,446
Oh! Oh! Ugh! Devil! Oh!
150
00:07:57,149 --> 00:07:59,197
I can't tell you.
151
00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:01,986
Karen, we're talking about
my future happiness here.
152
00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:03,687
If something tragic or depraved
happened to someone else
153
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:04,471
I want to hear it.
154
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:11,314
Oh, honey, I can't tell you.
I swore I wouldn't say a word.
155
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,798
Well, do something
to break that promise.
156
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:16,239
I don't know,
act it out or something.
157
00:08:16,283 --> 00:08:17,721
[gasps]
158
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:22,341
Oh, honey. Oh, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay. Hmm.
159
00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:23,648
Are we taking
the Girl Scout pledge?
160
00:08:23,692 --> 00:08:26,394
- No, it's charades!
- Oh, okay, okay.
161
00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:28,529
Come on, honey.
I can't break a trust.
162
00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:33,847
- Okay.
- Three words.
163
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:34,893
- Yeah.
- First word.
164
00:08:34,937 --> 00:08:35,895
- Mm-hm.
- Sounds like?
165
00:08:35,939 --> 00:08:37,377
- Uh
- Uh, uh, head.
166
00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:39,643
Uh, eyes, nose, a face.
167
00:08:39,688 --> 00:08:40,864
- Mmm--
- Face! Sounds like face!
168
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:45,178
Base, case, dase,
jase, wase, nase?
169
00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:48,797
Honey, those aren't
even words.
170
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,235
No, come on.
171
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,891
- Uh, place, space
- It's...
172
00:08:51,934 --> 00:08:54,898
No. Oh, Lord. I...
Oh, hold on.
173
00:08:54,941 --> 00:08:56,205
Ooh-ooh, okay, okay.
174
00:08:58,341 --> 00:09:00,390
[mimics Grace]
175
00:09:02,787 --> 00:09:04,704
Grace!
176
00:09:04,749 --> 00:09:07,407
- Yes!
- Alright, second word.
177
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:08,933
Okay. Uh.
178
00:09:08,976 --> 00:09:10,632
Oh, um...
Okay, wait.
179
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:13,291
Oh, oh, oh, wait.
180
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:16,908
- Okay, I got that one.
- Yeah! Ha-ha!
181
00:09:16,952 --> 00:09:20,002
Okay, so, um,
who did Grace, eh-eh...
182
00:09:20,047 --> 00:09:21,223
- Uh, okay.
- Third word.
183
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:23,315
Uh, okay.
Oh, this is tough.
184
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:26,017
I don't know how to...
Um, uh, oh... Okay, Sam.
185
00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:28,589
Sam! Oh my God!
Grace had sex with Sam!
186
00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:30,332
I'm young again, I'm young
again, I'm young again.
187
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:38,003
Will: Have you been
seeing anybody else
188
00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:40,575
or you gonna wait
till the divorce is final?
189
00:09:40,618 --> 00:09:44,976
Um, actually I-- I am.
I-- I have.
190
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,897
Hey, good for you. What...
Tell me about it.
191
00:09:47,941 --> 00:09:49,727
What does she do?
What does she look like?
192
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:54,435
Does she have strong
thighs and broad shoulders?
193
00:09:54,478 --> 00:09:56,309
And is that even something you
look for, or is that just me?
194
00:09:59,752 --> 00:10:01,626
- Just you.
- Hmm.
195
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,677
Oh, Sam, hi.
196
00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:05,985
Hey, Grace.
197
00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:08,599
I'm glad you're back.
I need a second opinion.
198
00:10:08,643 --> 00:10:12,653
I'm having coffee with
cyber dentist in like an hour.
199
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:16,793
Am I crazy?
I mean, is this a bad idea?
200
00:10:16,837 --> 00:10:19,278
I would never judge what
you do with your romantic life.
201
00:10:23,941 --> 00:10:26,076
No matter who it is.
202
00:10:26,121 --> 00:10:28,343
Date who you want,
sleep with who you want.
203
00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:30,130
I just want you to be happy.
204
00:10:32,745 --> 00:10:33,966
Thank you.
205
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,101
If you and the other
"Children Of The Corn"
206
00:10:36,145 --> 00:10:38,630
will excuse me
207
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:41,157
I'm, uh, gonna
go brush my teeth.
208
00:10:44,033 --> 00:10:45,210
I thought you
were gonna tell him.
209
00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:47,259
I tried, I failed.
You have to tell him.
210
00:10:47,302 --> 00:10:49,918
So, Grace, you never
told me who this guy was.
211
00:10:53,535 --> 00:10:55,278
We'll, we'll talk later.
212
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,152
Okay.
And hopefully my date works out.
213
00:10:57,196 --> 00:10:58,460
and I can catch up with you two
214
00:10:58,503 --> 00:11:00,204
'cause you've with somebody
215
00:11:00,247 --> 00:11:02,383
and Sam's been with somebody.
216
00:11:08,092 --> 00:11:11,012
[instrumental music]
217
00:11:14,368 --> 00:11:17,288
[instrumental music]
218
00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:18,857
I don't believe this.
219
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:28,708
Will, you're
foaming at the mouth.
220
00:11:33,197 --> 00:11:34,809
How could you do this?
221
00:11:34,853 --> 00:11:36,247
You mean in general,
or in this particular situation?
222
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:39,473
- Don't joke.
- Will, Will, I am so sorry.
223
00:11:39,516 --> 00:11:41,304
- It was an accident.
- An accident?
224
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:42,655
Well, how-- how--
how does that work?
225
00:11:42,699 --> 00:11:43,918
"Oh-- oh, sorry,
I slipped and fell
226
00:11:43,962 --> 00:11:45,488
over and over and over again."
227
00:11:50,892 --> 00:11:53,202
Will, I know this
is a little weird.
228
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,771
This is not weird, Grace.
229
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,950
Gay Republicans are weird.
230
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:01,832
- This is sick!
- Okay, okay.
231
00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:03,139
Will, please,
could we at least sit--
232
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:05,536
You know, this is just
so typical of you, Sam.
233
00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:07,106
You know, you just
come back into my life
234
00:12:07,149 --> 00:12:08,805
and just take whatever
you want, nothing's changed.
235
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,679
You know, Grace, you're right.
Maybe we shouldn't tell him.
236
00:12:10,723 --> 00:12:12,466
You know, you-- you-- you--
you wanted the big bedroom,
237
00:12:12,509 --> 00:12:14,820
you took that, you wanted dad's
old car, so you took that, too.
238
00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:16,650
And now Grace.
Well, I got news for you, pal.
239
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,611
You can't have her,
'cause she's mine!
240
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:20,966
Excuse me?
241
00:12:21,009 --> 00:12:22,534
Hey, it was just one night.
242
00:12:22,578 --> 00:12:24,365
Oh, really?
Just-- just one time?
243
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:25,628
Actually,
two times, one night.
244
00:12:25,672 --> 00:12:29,334
[cringes]
I-- Ugh, ugh.
245
00:12:29,377 --> 00:12:30,859
Well, what do you
want me to say?
246
00:12:30,903 --> 00:12:33,605
That you'll stay out of my room
and away from my toys.
247
00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:36,438
Whoa!
248
00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:43,194
Your toys?
249
00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:45,373
I'm your toy?
250
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,334
Tell me, Will,
where do the batteries go?
251
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:53,479
No, wait. You're angry.
Don't answer that.
252
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,489
Will, Will,
I said I am sorry.
253
00:12:57,532 --> 00:12:58,840
You don't have to get
254
00:12:58,884 --> 00:13:00,365
all possessive
and controlling, okay.
255
00:13:00,409 --> 00:13:01,412
I'm not possessive.
256
00:13:01,455 --> 00:13:02,414
And I'm not controlling.
257
00:13:02,457 --> 00:13:04,549
It's just that Sam...
258
00:13:04,593 --> 00:13:07,208
can't have you,
'cause you're mine!
259
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:08,603
Oh, stupid me.
260
00:13:08,646 --> 00:13:10,085
I've been living my life
261
00:13:10,128 --> 00:13:13,180
under the illusion
that I am my own person.
262
00:13:13,223 --> 00:13:14,444
I'm out of here.
263
00:13:14,487 --> 00:13:15,750
You' re blowing this
way out of proportion.
264
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:18,148
Yeah? And you betrayed me.
265
00:13:18,192 --> 00:13:19,891
And the fact that
you don't even understand
266
00:13:19,935 --> 00:13:23,160
where I'm coming from on this,
uh, just makes it worse.
267
00:13:25,426 --> 00:13:26,953
I think that went well.
268
00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:34,013
Can you believe that?
"She's mine?"
269
00:13:34,057 --> 00:13:35,974
Like he owns me.
I mean, who died
270
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:37,761
and made him the
Sultan of Brunei?
271
00:13:40,246 --> 00:13:42,163
Honey, what's goin' on
with your hair?
272
00:13:48,221 --> 00:13:51,011
Looks like you got mousse
and squirrel in there.
273
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:59,248
You should talk, Mulan.
274
00:14:09,795 --> 00:14:11,800
Well, alright, Grace.
275
00:14:11,844 --> 00:14:13,369
If you'd like
to know what I think
276
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:15,767
I think you're dealing
with the wrong issue.
277
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:18,426
Okay, okay, so,
so maybe the timing was bad.
278
00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:21,040
- Maybe it never should--
- Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...
279
00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:22,087
Shh.
280
00:14:26,184 --> 00:14:27,622
How do I put
this delicately?
281
00:14:27,665 --> 00:14:31,675
Um, I think
you went with Sam because
282
00:14:31,719 --> 00:14:33,854
he's the Will that'll
touch your boobies.
283
00:14:38,823 --> 00:14:41,525
What? What? What?
[chuckles]
284
00:14:41,569 --> 00:14:43,704
What are you telling me?
You-- you-- you think
285
00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:47,932
I slept with Sam because he's
the straight version of Will?
286
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:49,893
That's ridiculous.
Karen, Karen.
287
00:14:49,937 --> 00:14:52,464
I slept with Sam
because he's cute.
288
00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:53,947
- Like Will.
- And smart.
289
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:55,603
- Like Will.
- And funny.
290
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,302
Like... you think Will is.
291
00:14:57,346 --> 00:14:58,828
Stop it!
292
00:15:01,356 --> 00:15:03,274
This had nothing
to do with Will.
293
00:15:04,451 --> 00:15:06,194
Honey, I am not judging you.
294
00:15:06,237 --> 00:15:07,632
I mean, every woman
likes to have
295
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:11,075
her boobies touched
now and then, right? Ha-ha-ha.
296
00:15:17,308 --> 00:15:21,622
Stop saying "Boobies"
okay, okay?
297
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:25,676
Now, you, you could not
be more wrong.
298
00:15:25,719 --> 00:15:29,773
You, you have lost your mind.
You live a very odd life.
299
00:15:29,816 --> 00:15:31,167
I don't know what...
Uh, who are you?
300
00:15:32,955 --> 00:15:34,393
Boobies.
301
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:44,679
Hey-hey, no muddy paws
and no surprises on the carpet.
302
00:15:44,723 --> 00:15:46,117
Klaus von Puppy is clean
303
00:15:46,161 --> 00:15:47,686
and housebroken,
thank you very much.
304
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:49,124
I wasn't talking
about the dog.
305
00:15:51,565 --> 00:15:53,657
And here you are working
on the toughest case of all
306
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:55,095
Will versus Life.
307
00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:57,580
You've heard?
308
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,061
I've heard.
309
00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:00,369
Come on, Tiny Dancer,
talk to me.
310
00:16:00,413 --> 00:16:02,069
I got eyes to see,
ears to listen with
311
00:16:02,113 --> 00:16:03,333
and a head to nod knowingly.
312
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,214
Go ahead, caller,
you're on the air.
313
00:16:09,871 --> 00:16:14,272
It... It just pisses
me off that he thinks
314
00:16:14,316 --> 00:16:16,626
he can come into my life
and just take whatever he wants.
315
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:17,716
You know, and-- and--
and they expect me to be
316
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:19,415
happy for them.
Well, I'm not.
317
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,898
Well, you shouldn't be
she's yours.
318
00:16:20,941 --> 00:16:22,204
Thank you!
319
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,599
So many relationships
I've been in
320
00:16:23,644 --> 00:16:24,907
have ended because
the other person didn't realize
321
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:26,389
that they belonged to me.
322
00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:29,527
Yes.
What? No.
323
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,924
Uh, did, I-- I think
it's a little different
324
00:16:31,968 --> 00:16:33,318
uh, between Grace and me
325
00:16:33,363 --> 00:16:36,326
and you and your
insignificant others.
326
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,808
No, it's not, Will.
Owning is owning.
327
00:16:37,852 --> 00:16:39,464
You own Grace.
328
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:42,864
Just like I own you,
Klaus, isn't that right?
329
00:16:42,907 --> 00:16:44,782
I tell him when he eats,
when he goes out,
330
00:16:44,825 --> 00:16:46,525
who he sniffs
and when he needs a pedicure,
331
00:16:46,569 --> 00:16:48,879
just like you and Grace.
332
00:16:48,922 --> 00:16:51,275
That's not what I meant.
You know, I-- I-- I...
333
00:16:51,319 --> 00:16:55,809
I know I don't own Grace and she
can sniff whoever, she-- she...
334
00:16:55,852 --> 00:16:57,029
Leave me alone, Jack.
335
00:16:57,073 --> 00:16:58,468
Alright, you know what, caller?
336
00:16:58,511 --> 00:17:00,297
Let me go out on a limb
and just say one more thing.
337
00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:01,649
Maybe the reason
you're so upset is because
338
00:17:01,692 --> 00:17:03,217
you're jealous of Sam.
339
00:17:03,262 --> 00:17:04,220
What?
340
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,354
Clearly, you wish you were
341
00:17:05,397 --> 00:17:06,661
the one who was
sleeping with her.
342
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:09,058
[chuckles]
That's nuts.
343
00:17:09,102 --> 00:17:10,235
Nuts like a fox, Will.
344
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:13,547
Come on, admit it,
part of you wishes
345
00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:15,509
that you could have
Grace in that way.
346
00:17:15,552 --> 00:17:17,077
You know, hold her
in your arms, kiss her,
347
00:17:17,121 --> 00:17:18,516
smell her woman's scent,
348
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,739
let your hands
slide down the back...
349
00:17:20,783 --> 00:17:22,090
Oh.
350
00:17:25,621 --> 00:17:27,887
Forget it,
I'm sorry I said that.
351
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:29,848
Ellen, honey,
we're gonna need some Pepto.
352
00:17:32,288 --> 00:17:33,683
I don't know how
the heteros do it
353
00:17:33,727 --> 00:17:35,601
with the hoo-hoos
and hee-hee.
354
00:17:38,129 --> 00:17:39,785
I don't know either, Jack
and one day
355
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,267
I'll teach you those words.
356
00:17:43,098 --> 00:17:45,974
Final thought,
you are jealous.
357
00:17:46,018 --> 00:17:47,543
Maybe not of
the icky sex part,
358
00:17:47,587 --> 00:17:48,851
but of the fact that
your brother gets to share
359
00:17:48,894 --> 00:17:50,986
a part of Grace
that you never will.
360
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,207
Don't you agree?
361
00:18:07,723 --> 00:18:08,463
What are you watching?
362
00:18:09,945 --> 00:18:11,383
Some exercise.
363
00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:17,268
I don't know, they're
doing a lot of jumping.
364
00:18:17,311 --> 00:18:19,142
Maybe it's the
Home Jumping Channel.
365
00:18:20,405 --> 00:18:21,888
Why?
366
00:18:21,932 --> 00:18:25,026
The remote's over there
and I'm... over here.
367
00:18:31,345 --> 00:18:32,305
I'm your toy?
368
00:18:32,348 --> 00:18:35,704
I know, I know.
I, ugh...
369
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:38,755
I'm sorry, I don't want to do
a big thing about it though.
370
00:18:38,799 --> 00:18:42,852
Could we... Do we have to laugh
and cry and come to terms?
371
00:18:42,896 --> 00:18:45,466
No, let's just shorthand it.
372
00:18:45,511 --> 00:18:47,123
[both laugh and cry]
373
00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:54,358
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
374
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:58,542
And you, just date
whoever you want.
375
00:18:58,585 --> 00:19:02,291
Even if you do have to pick him
from my family tree.
376
00:19:02,334 --> 00:19:05,167
I'm going to change my clothes,
because, uh, yikes.
377
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,783
And, uh, then I'm gonna
sit on the couch with you
378
00:19:07,826 --> 00:19:09,046
and watch "Lifetime".
379
00:19:09,089 --> 00:19:11,007
- That Michelle Lee movie's on.
- Which one?
380
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:12,532
"I'm Not Leaving Town
Without My Daughter
381
00:19:12,576 --> 00:19:13,666
Because I Have A Brain Tumour
But Don't Hit Me
382
00:19:13,709 --> 00:19:14,800
You Have A Drinking Problem."
383
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:20,944
[knocking on door]
Good One.
384
00:19:27,003 --> 00:19:29,357
- Hey.
- Hi.
385
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,143
I was in the Village,
and I got to thinking, you know,
386
00:19:31,187 --> 00:19:33,366
if I took two subways
and a bus transfer
387
00:19:33,409 --> 00:19:34,499
and then walked
a half dozen blocks,
388
00:19:34,543 --> 00:19:35,633
I'd be right
in the neighborhood.
389
00:19:37,856 --> 00:19:40,165
- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, I am.
390
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:42,868
You feel like getting a drink?
391
00:19:46,878 --> 00:19:49,144
I don't think so.
392
00:19:49,187 --> 00:19:51,366
Tonight or ever, right?
393
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:55,115
- It's, it's just too weird.
- Ah.
394
00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:58,296
I feel like I'm violating
one of the commandments.
395
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:00,824
"Thou shall not covet
thy gay best friend's
396
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,786
long-estranged,
recently reunited brother."
397
00:20:05,619 --> 00:20:07,275
I don't know that commandment.
I only read up to ten.
398
00:20:09,803 --> 00:20:10,979
Okay, I guess I'll go then.
399
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,399
I hope Will knows how lucky
he is to have you in his life.
400
00:20:22,877 --> 00:20:23,924
He knows.
401
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:27,106
- Call your brother.
- Mm-hm.
402
00:20:34,907 --> 00:20:37,174
So...
403
00:20:37,217 --> 00:20:39,005
- You know what Jack said?
- Hmm?
404
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:41,532
He said I was jealous of Sam
405
00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:44,104
because he gets
to sleep with you and I can't.
406
00:20:44,147 --> 00:20:46,675
Yeah, well, Karen said
the only reason I went for Sam
407
00:20:46,719 --> 00:20:48,549
is because he's the straight
version of you.
408
00:20:51,992 --> 00:20:53,518
So do you think
we need to talk about this?
409
00:20:54,825 --> 00:20:56,263
Let's shorthand that, too.
410
00:20:56,308 --> 00:20:57,789
Grace, do you want
to sleep with me?
411
00:20:57,833 --> 00:20:59,358
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
I don't sleep with gay men.
412
00:20:59,402 --> 00:21:01,233
See, that's a problem
because I do.
29806
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