All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S01E08 - The Buying Game 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

Will: Rethink it, Barry.

Or these conversations
are gonna start getting ugly.

Hey, sweetie. Oh, good!
You brought lunch! Yay!

[chuckles]

- Lovely outfit.
- Oh.

Very Audrey Hepburn.

Great, so what you're saying is
that I have the neck of a swan

and the chest
of a twelve-year-old boy.

Hey.

Way to snatch an insult out
of the jaws of a compliment.

- It's a gift.
- Hmm. What's for lunch?

Ah, let's see.

Tuna... with a side
of coleslaw for you.

And turkey on wheat for me,

with a side of--

What's this?

Oh, my God. A fabulous
investment opportunity?

That's some deli.

Wait a minute. What is this?

The owner of my building
is selling off space.

I have the chance
to buy my studio.

By the end of the year, I'd be
paying less on the mortgage

than I'm paying in rent now.

Sweetie, that's great.

Grace Adler, property owner.

Grace: I know!

And I don't even have to be
the thimble or the top hat

or that weird shoe.
[Will chuckles]

Uh, when do we get to the part
where you start begging

for free legal services?

After I remind you that
I have a photo of you

in dolphin shorts
and slouch socks.

Okay, who's begging?

[theme music]

God, buying this place
could be so exciting.

Just think,

these could be my cracked walls

my creaky floors,

my cramped bathroom with the
non-specific rodent excrement

in my soap dish!

Oh, honey. Feces, no-no.

Hello, love,
you didn't tell me

the owner of this building
was English.

I shall find it impossible
to conduct this transaction

without impersonating
Rex Harrison.

You naughty, naughty.
[chuckles]

- Okay, what did he say?
- He said, um--

- "Bangers and mash!"
- Will.

"Mutton chops! Snozzberries!
Piccadilly!"

If you don't stop,
I'm gonna flip my eyelids up.

Okay. Seems like a decent deal.

I think the price is
still a little inflated,

but I think we can
get him to his floor.

- His what?
- His floor.

His lowest possible price.

Sweetie, stop worrying.
This... is gonna happen.

[sighs]
Yes!

Let's celebrate
at Pablo's Cantina?

Oh, no. No Mexican.
Fajita hair.

Mm.

It frizzes when the steaming
chicken hits the table.

Honey, does it ever un-frizz?

Yeah. When you do work.

[laughs]
Oh, honey.

Oh, oh, I got it, let's try
that new German place

on third, The Hofbrau.

Oh, no. No German.

I- I can't handle
the schnitzel.

- Mit my poopik in the--
- Okay, enough with the accents!

You know I hate the accents.

But of course.

Okay, okay, okay, let's go.

Big news! Hit it!

B-I-G N-E-W-S!

Big news!

Well, I guess we know it's not
you coming out of the closet.

Correct.

I finally found
my life's calling

and it involves
these two hands.

Ah, so you're going
to be self-employed.

Insert laugh here.

I'm going to be
a massage therapist.

It was an obvious choice

being that I'm a people person.

I love people, as long
as they're not hairy...

or smelly...

or have the dreaded bacne. Ugh.

Okay, I need some guinea pigs.
Who's interested?

- Smelly.
- Hairy.

Thank you, friends.

Bacne.

Oh, who am I kidding?

It's alabaster
from my neck to my ass.

I just don't want to do it.
[chuckles]

♪ You are so beautiful

♪ To me

Jack, I don't need a masseur.

Come on, Karen, I need a hundred
hours to get certified.

Besides, I'm very attuned

to the contours
of the female form.

Yeah, just because you had
a Growing Up Skipper doll

doesn't mean you're ready
for the real thing.

Okay?

♪ You are so beautiful

♪ To me

You know, I'm not even
that crazy about massages

in the first place, honey.

♪ Can't you see-e-e-e

Oh, alright, alright.

Come over to my place.
We'll do it on the lunch hour.

Any time between

12:00 and 4:00 is fine.

So, I'm pruning my CD collection
and something has to go.

What's it gonna be?

Bananarama
or the soundtrack

to "Footloose?"

When was the last time
you listened to them?

Thirty minutes after I got them.

Toss 'em both.

Are you ready to be
in the presence

of greatness?

Tell me.

I just got my landlord
to the floor.

You slut.

After you left,
Mr. Hutt came up

to tell me that
there was another buyer

ready to put an offer
on my studio, my studio.

But did I sweat?
No, I leapt into action.

Wait a minute.
You didn't sign anything?

Damn right I did, after
I gave him a bid, and he bit.

I got him to knock off
five percent.

Sucka!

- Grace!
- Oh, yeah!

Five percent is not the floor.

That's like a--
the-- the tchotchke

on the coffee table
on the throw rug on the floor.

Why didn't you call me?

Well, he said-- he said
he tried to call you,

but that you didn't
return his calls.

- So I--
- Grace, he never called me.

I was in my office all day.

He lied to me?

But that's so... dishonest.

I know, to think,
in New York City,

that someone could actually
try to shaft you in business.

It's... shocking.

People can...
can be such meanies.

Oh, my God. I hate myself.

Wait a minute. Why go there?

It's negative.

I hate him.

I hate the British.

With those-those boney hands,

and that-- that Princess Anne

with her horse teeth.

Lose the Boy George CDs!

Hey, hey, do not
take this out on the Boy.

He gave us a month and a half
of some very good music.

I think I can fix this thing
with your landlord

but... it might
get a little ugly.

Play hardball, baby.

Throw him low and inside.
He's crowdin' the plate.

- And we've gotta go for--
- Grace!

Sports, you're losing me.

Okay, this is just gonna
take me a minute.

In the meantime,
why don't you take some

deep cleansing breaths
and try to relax, okay?

Damn it! Piece of crap!

I'm sending you love and light.

Yeah, love and light. Got it.

Hey, you know,

I have told her about this.

[dialing]

Rosario, por favor, honey.

Easy on the fabric softener.

Okay? Eh-- No--

No, honey.

Enough-o with the April Fresh-o.

You know, right now
she's calling me a bitcho.

Alright, I guess we're ready.
[clears throat]

Hello, welcome.

My name is Jack McFarland.

And I will be your
massage therapist.

Now, I want you
to take off your robe,

and I don't want you
to feel uncomfortable.

- The sheet will drape you, so--
- Yeah.

I've done this before, honey.
Skin to the wind!

Wow, Karen, you could bounce
a quarter off that thing.

Okay.

Are there any specific areas
that are troubling you?

Yeah, my marriage.

I mean your body, Karen.

Hmm, well, I don't know.

I guess my lower back
is a little tight.

Ah, yes. Lower back pain.

That means you're holding
onto something.

Yeah, my patience.

Can we just start it
so we can end it?

And, hey, be sure
to keep your hands

off of my--
[gasps]

[sighs]

So how are we gonna
deal with this?

Just gonna do a little business.

Let me do the talking.

You're just the strong,
silent type with an angry look.

Angry, not constipated.

Just be the strong, silent type.

Mr. Truman.

Mr. Hutt.
Appreciate your coming.

- You know Grace?
- I do indeed know Ms. Adler.

How well?

Well, she's been my tenant for--

I don't think
you know Grace at all.

- Pardon me?
- You don't know her, pal.

'Cause if you did,
you'd know this woman

knows absolutely
nothing about business.

Mr. Truman, your client
is a perfectly competent--

Competent?
[laughs]

Did you say competent?

Look at her!

Does she look particularly
business-minded to you?

Does this hair say, "I went
to the Harvard Business School?"

- Will--
- She's a designer.

[laughs]
A designer!

You know what's up here?
Pretty pillows, floor lamps.

Maybe a couple
of chenille throws,

and th-- th-- that's all folks!

Not a whole lot of room
left for numbers.

Which is why she caved in
at five percent

and you, Mr. Hutt,
took advantage of that.

- I thought the price was fair.
- Fair? Fair?

Did you hear that, Grace?

Apparently, the British
have a different definition

for the word "Fair," you know,
the way "Lift," means elevator,

or "Fag," means cigarette.

- Mr. Truman--
- No, no, no.

I wanna know more about what

you think is fair.

First of all, there was
no other buyer, was there?

And you and I both know
you never tried

to get me on the phone.

So, unless you want me
to place a little call

to the head
of the Real Estate Board,

otherwise known
as my friend Beth,

and let her know
the way you did business

with this naive, vulnerable,

clueless artiste,

then I am gonna need
a little bit more compensation.

Do I make myself clear?

Perfectly.

Perhaps... this price

would be a bit more
agreeable to you?

Now, that is a floor.

I'll have my office
draw up the new papers

and I'll bring them by tomorrow.

May I leave?

Please.

Oh, do I love doing that!

Ha! You were great, baby.

You know, that Hausfrau place,
that was good.

Will: Do you wanna
go back there?

Yah.

Yes, I'm sure you're starving

after all the digs

and the jabs, you go, boy.

You must have really just,
uh, worked up an appetite.

- Aw, just business.
- No, it is good business.

I mean, boy, you didn't

even have to search
for those insults.

Ju-- just wou--
[imitates popping]

would just drop...

right out of the mouth,
didn't it?

- Grace?
- You know, I'm impressed.

I mean, the way you just cut
right to the heart.

I mean--
[imitates shooting an arrow]

Bullseye! You got me!

You got all of me. I mean,
the hair, the empty head.

I mean, I'm just surprised
you didn't, uh,

go after my big feet, I mean,

that would have knocked off,
what, another twenty bucks?

I don't believe you.

Come on, Grace, that was a ruse

to get him to lower the price,

a gambit, a canard.

So-- so-- so what you're
saying is that y--

that you didn't mean any of it?

Where is this coming from?

You don't think
I'm a good businesswoman.

- Grace.
- Say it.

Say, "Grace, you're
a good businesswoman."

I want to hear you
say the words.

Come on, Grace. Let's--

Say it.

If you believe it, you should
have no trouble saying it.

Do you think
I'm a good businesswoman?

[chuckles]

That is such a loaded--

Uh, I mean--
Uh, it's hard to say.

Is-- is-- is a person--

I didn't think so.

Hmm--

I've been waitin'
for those hands all day.

Karen, you're wearing me out.

I mean, when am I gonna have
time to study the parts

of the body?

So far, I only know phalanges

and that's just 'cause
I like saying phalanges.

Honey, I don't want to hear it!

Just do what you do,
and do it to my deltoids.

This mama's like a rock.

3 o'clock tomorrow.

And I don't want you
massaging anyone else.

You belong to me now.

- Don't hate me.
- Don't talk to me.

- I have to talk to you.
- I have to hate you.

How long are you gonna
stay mad at me?

Uh, I was doing
what you asked me to do.

I mean, uh, did I or did I not

get you the lowest
possible price?

- You're still hating me.
- You're still talking to me.

Okay, that's him, now,
just sign the papers

and hate me at a more
appropriate time.

Like when I shave
with your Epilady.

Let's get right down
to business, shall we?

Here is the new
purchase price agreement

that we've agreed upon.

- Correct?
- Correct.

Now, if I can just
get a signature.

It's okay, Grace.
You can sign it.

No.

- I beg your pardon?
- I'm not signing anything.

Grace, please sign it.

See, this was supposed
to be easy, and fun,

you know, like-- like-- like

the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

I mean, who are they kidding?

"Close Encounter
Of The Blank Kind"?

But, you know, this,
this hasn't been easy,

or fun, and I'm--

I just-- I just don't feel
good about it anymore.

Grace?

Time to take off
your exposed nerve hat

and put on your business bonnet.

You know what? I'm sorry.

I can't just turn it
on and off like you.

If you prick me, I bleed,
and right now, I am bleeding

because of a particularly
unforgivable prick.

Maybe I should come back
another time.

Why don't you do that?

Oh, I can't come back
another time.

I'm leaving for London
in the morning.

- I need this signed.
- And she'll sign it. Grace?

And you know what
the funny part is?

[laughs]

]There is no funny part.

My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt.

It's not even... funny!

I mean, what am I doing,
taking on a mortgage?

I mean, my-- my life
is already a mess.

I'm still renting an apartment,
I don't have a driver's license,

I'm not married,
I live with a gay guy--

Grace?

I haven't had sex

in five months!

And I was in Bloomingdales
this morning waiting on line

to buy wrinkle cream,
and this...

Jennifer Love Michelle Sarah
Felicity-looking thing...

bumps into me, and says,

"Excuse me... ma'am!"

Will: Grace?

Gracie, it is not worth it.

Don't-- don't buy the place

if it's gonna make you
feel like this.

Do I look like a ma'am?

Ms. Adler, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

No, Mr. Hutt, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you had to
see me like this.

Ms. Adler--

- About this contract?
- No, no.

I-- I-- I can't right now.
I just-- I can't.

Grace, you may--

Ms. Adler, it's not much

but--

perhaps I could lower
the price a bit more.

Think about it.

Alright?

Now, look at me and tell me
I'm not a good businesswoman.

Uh-- Oh, you're early.

I haven't even had time
for a steam and scrub.

Well,

I guess you'll just
have to touch me dirty.

Blow.

Oh, where's your table?

I didn't bring it.

But-- What do you mean,
you didn't bring it?

I'm tired of-- of being

just a pair of hands
to you, Karen.

Oh, but you're so much
more than that, Jack.

Why, you're... elbows

and forearms, and thumbs,
and wrists.

- And those--
- Stop it! It's over!

Over? Who do you think you are?

It's not over until I say it is.

I'm paying you good money. What?

You wanna go back
to serving shrimp puffs

at museum fundraisers?

Huh. I didn't think so.

So, I'm goin' in there
to take off my clothes,

and when I come back,
we're just gonna do it!

No!

Karen, I can't do it anymore.

Every day, I come in here
and I touch your naked body.

We don't talk,
there's no emotion.

I'm acting like a straight guy,
and it's making me sick.

I took an oath in front
of God and my mother!

I'm here, I'm queer,
get used to it.

Oh! Oh, what do I see?

Is that a five?

Allow me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

That'll be $1700, please.

- I have a pink five.
- Oh.

I guess then
you'll have to mortgage

that little tenement
on Skid Row.

Sucks for you.

Stick to Candy Land, girly, ah.

What is it with you?

Why is it every time money

and property are involved,
you turn into a--

Skillful, savvy negotiator?

Mine only had four letters
in it, but yeah.

It's the way I have to do it.

I mean, let's face it,
I'm not the kind of guy that--

that hammers out a contract
on the eighteenth hole

or closes a deal over brewskis
at Billy's Topless.

First of all,

who closes a deal
at Billy's Topless,

except, maybe, Billy?

And-- and, second of all,

don't tell me that you're gonna
pull out the gay card.

It is a lot harder--

Because if you're pulling out

the gay card,

I'm pulling out the girl card,

and we both know
that the girl card

trumps the gay card.

Don't make me get
my friend Joni over here.

Because we both know
that the only card

that trumps the girl card
is the gay girl card.

Okay, I'm not losing this.

I will call Jill,
my African-American,

bi-curious, dyslexic--

Forget it,
I'm exhausted. I fold.

That's a good move,
because I happen to know

a differently-abled
transsexual with split ends

and that beats
the house, mister.