Original subtitles

-BeBe! -[BeBe laughs]

-Hmm. -[squirting]

-[laughs] -Hmm.

-[BeBe yells] -[CeCe laughs]

Daddy, I have to do a report on the Rodney King rebellion.

What was it like back then?

How would I know, baby girl? Ask Mama.

Well, you're old.

I said ask your mama.

-She's older than me. -Mm-hmm.

Way older than me.

[laughs]

Now I'm trying to talk to China.

I'm afraid not yet, Mr. Proud.

Seems you didn't pay your Internet bill.

Peabo, I told you to use the Wi-Fi called

"FelixOwnsThis", one word, no spaces, password "churro".

[twins laughing]

-Oscar. -Mama, make Daddy help me.

After he helps me. Oscar, the Wi-Fi's not working.

-What's wrong with it? -Announcement, everybody.

Leave Daddy alone. I'm closing a super-big,

megaton international corporate deal

that will change my life, not yours, my life.

Come on, kids. Your father only cares about himself.

[twins laughing]

Remember this, Peabo. Never get married.

-So, did we reach China yet? -Mm-hmm.

But I can't understand a word they're saying.

[man in Shanghainese] Proud Snacks? Prank call? Aren't you out of business?

-[in English] You said you spoke Chinese. -I do.

Mandarin. Not Shanghainese.

[doorbell rings]

[grumbles]

-[yells] -Oh.

Bobby, since when do you start ringing the doorbell?

Ever since Ma put me out.

Baby bruh, I need a place to stay.

? The... Proud... Family... What? ?

? You and me will always be tight ?

? Family every day and every night ?

? Even when you start acting like a fool ?

? You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do ?

? I know I can always be myself ?

? When I'm with you more than anybody else ?

? Every single day that I'm headed off to school ?

? You know there's no one I love as much as you ?

-? The family ? -? The family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll make you scream! ?

? They'll make you wanna sing! ?

? It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll push your buttons! ?

? They'll make you wanna hug 'em ?

? A family, family Proud, proud family ?

? Proud, proud family ?

[Oscar screams]

[Bobby] Mmm. Yep. Oh, this good.

Oh, thank you, by the way. Uh. Mmm.

This is all right. Ooh, I was hungry.

So Papi showed up, right?

And the next thing I know, Mama,

she started acting brand-new.

Told me to get out and move in with you.

Heh, well, she told you wrong.

Wait a minute. Why would Papi move in with Suga Mama?

Why would anybody move in with Suga Mama?

My Spanglish is a little rusty,

but I think it was something to do with Sunset's Mama

moving into the Boulevardez's crib.

Mr. Proud! Mr. Proud! They're about to hang up.

We got to find somebody who speaks Shanghainese.

Ah, yeah, look, baby bruh. I'm your man.

Stop it, Bobby. You're messing with my--

Hello. This is Bobby Proud.

[in Shanghainese] It's an honor to meet you.

[man on phone] Bobby Proud?

[in Shanghainese] I love Gas Station Nachos!

You're my favorite. Whatever you want, you got it.

As long as I get an autograph.

Ha, ha, ha.

[man continues speaking on phone]

[laughs, speaking in Shanghainese]

[in Shanghainese] I love you too. Tseh way! Tseh way!

-[in English] Bye now. -What was that, Bobby?

You cussed the man out?

They placed an order for one million cases of Proud Snacks, Mr. Proud.

A million cases of Proud Snacks?

They wanted more, but I knew you couldn't handle that kind of weight.

-I'm gonna be rich! -We're gonna be rich!

-I'm gonna be rich! -We're gonna be rich!

We're gonna be...

I mean, you're gonna be rich.

-I'm gonna be rich. Bobby... -Oh, yeah...

I take back every word I said.

You can stay here as long as you want.

Oscar darling, may I speak to you for a second?

What do you mean he can stay here as long as he likes?

I mean, he's family, Trudy. And that's what you do for family.

-Especially when they speak Shanghainese. -Mm-hmm.

-Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be rich. -[laughs] Gooey, gooey!

He's got a week, Oscar.

-Oh. -No, forget her, big brother.

We got more things to worry about.

Like how to say, "I'll take that red Lamborghini" in Shanghainese.

We're gonna be rich. I'm gonna be rich.

-So, how we doing, Peabo? -It's looking good, Mr. Proud.

My robots are working as predicted.

We're on track to ship one million cases by the end of the week.

That is amazing, Peabo!

Oh, thank you, Mr. Proud.

I upgraded these dumb auto robots

into sentient beings, capable of producing, packaging

and shipping Proud Snacks without supervision.

You know what that means, Peabo?

-Hmm? -I don't need you anymore!

[laughs] No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I'm not.

-I mean, sort of. A teeny bit. -[grunts softly]

Behold! My newest creation!

Proud Snacks Sweet and Sour Jellies!

In the form of their creator.

None other than... That's right, moi.

And to think all these years, the secret of my success was in my head.

[laughs]

Sour!

Peabo, put Suga Mama's head on these.

Wait a minute. Mmm.

Sweet!

Never mind.

So you're telling me these tin cans

actually know what they're doing?

I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Proud.

I do what I want, Peabo. These are my snacks.

-Danger. Danger. Danger. -Huh?

Danger. Danger. Danger.

Aah! Whoa!

[yelping]

[screams]

[cell phone ringing]

-[in squeaky voice] Hello? -Were you kidding, Mr. Proud,

when you said you didn't need me?

[normal voice] Oh, whoa! You can't-- Turn it off!

Turn it off, Peabo!

-[cell phone ringing] -Hello?

Oscar, you have got to get Bobby out of here now.

-[? rock music playing] -He's been rehearsing all day.

I can't hear myself think.

Trudy, I've got my own problems right now!

-[loud thud] -[screaming]

[Oscar screaming] Trudy!

[phones ringing]

[robots speaking in Shanghainese]

[door opens]

What? What do you have these Rock'em Sock'em robots doing now?

That's our customer service department, Mr. Proud.

Peabo, what is my number one rule?

-The customer is always wrong. -Which means?

-No customer service? -Exactly.

Watch me handle this.

Ooh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Proud.

I do what I want, Peabo!

[robots powering down]

-[speaking Shanghainese] -[alarm blaring]

[screams]

[yelling]

[cell phone ringing]

-[in squeaky voice] Hello? -[Penny] Daddy!

Uncle Bobby ate our dinner.

I've got my own problems right now, baby girl. Call Wiz-Dash.

I did! They rejected your card,

and then they came over and tore it up!

[normal voice] Use your mama's! Call the Geek Squad!

And tell 'em to come to my factory right away!

Why y'all keep packaging me?

Penny! Call your mama!

Penny!

[robots speaking indistinctly]

-What's going on here, Peabo? -The robots are on strike.

This ain't a union shop.

Tell them to get back to work,

or I'll take them apart and sell them back to the junkyard.

Ooh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Proud.

Of course you wouldn't. That's what makes me a winner.

And you, my assistant-slash-flunkey.

[ululating yell]

Your turn.

[screams]

[yells]

-[cell phone ringing] -[twins crying on phone]

[Oscar] BeBe, CeCe, calm down.

Daddy can't understand you.

Uncle Bobby took our room.

[Oscar] Okay, okay. If you don't cry, Daddy won't cry.

Daddy will talk to Uncle Bobby when he gets back from Shanghai.

[snoring]

[Oscar screaming] BeBe! CeCe!

Hmm?

[rooster crowing]

[? upbeat music playing]

Come on, Bobby. I'm trying to sleep.

Bobby, stop it!

? Just let the cheese run down the sides ?

-? Gas station nachos ? -? A little jalapeno ?

Will you shut up with all that racket?

I don't know who told you you could sing.

Uncle Bobby, I can't figure out these equations.

-You've gotta help me. -Did you do what I told you to do?

Dad says I can't play music while I'm studying.

Well, that's why your daddy repeated the third grade three times.

Just listen to this, child.

[? ethereal funk music playing]

Huh? Uh... Huh?

[rapid dinging]

[Penny laughing]

? You see, baby girl Music and math is all the same ?

Now I get it. Thanks, Uncle Bobby.

Anytime, child.

Look here, Bobby. We need to talk.

Bobby, I can't connect to the Wi-Fi.

Could you help me, please?

-[beeps] -Oh, it's working.

Thank you, Bobby. You are the best.

Don't mention it. I need to pick up some fresh scallions for breakfast.

Ch, Ch, Ch.

Scallions? He don't know what a scallion is. Don't worry, Trudy.

I'm kicking him and his banjo out of the house today.

[both] Why would you do that?

What? Y'all said y'all wanted him out of here.

I've got $700 worth of calls to Shanghai to prove it.

No, Bobby's been great. He plays with BeBe and CeCe.

He helps Penny with her homework.

He fixes things.

Bobby can stay as long as he wants.

You just go to work and do your snack thing, baby.

Don't you worry your pretty little head about us, Oscar.

Thanks to Bobby, everything is fine here at home.

All right, all right, everybody sit down.

I'll have breakfast ready in a jiffy.

Breakfast? Mm-mm-mm. That's my favorite meal.

Bye, Oscar.

And we understand if you have to go back to Malaysia.

Trudy!

[rewinding tape]

Okay, Uncle Bobby. You gone tonight.

-Hey there, Mr. Proud. -What in the--

What'd I tell you about walking up on me? What do you want?

We're having supply chain issues, Mr. Proud.

There's your issue, Peabo. We don't make chains.

We make snacks. Speaking of which, where's my Salisbury steak?

What steak? [chomps]

[stomach grumbling]

Hmm.

[burps]

Mr. Proud, the issue is if we can't deliver on our order,

the Chinese can cancel payment.

Who told you that? I thought you couldn't speak Shanghainese.

Uncle Bobby told me.

Last night we analyzed our entire supply chain.

Oh, he is the greatest, Mr. Proud.

I felt honored just to be in his presence.

What'd I tell you, Peabo? No idol worshiping!

Stay away from Bobby!

Anybody with a rag on his head is suspect!

But, Mr. Proud, the amazing Uncle Bobby said...

[cell phone ringing]

-What in the... Trudy! Trudy! -But, Mr. Proud.

-What do we do with-- -Just figure it out, Peabo!

[door slams]

With this advance check for $500,000...

Oh, well, I guess I gotta keep it.

Thanks, Mr. Proud.

[Oscar screaming]

Mama! Mama! Mama... [muttering]

Mama, I'm...

Told you Girl Scouts to get off my dang porch.

[? scary music playing]

[screaming]

Oh, shut up, boy.

I just do this to scare the little begging brats away.

-What do you want? -Mama, please.

You got to take Bobby back. He's ruining my life.

[? romantic R&B music playing]

Wait a minute. Why you got the lights off?

And burning incense?

And playing Sade?

It's called a mood, and you're ruining it.

Look, Oscar, I don't have time to lollygag.

Papi's about to do my feet.

-[cackling] -[in Spanish] Call, call, call 911.

Oh... [sobs]

Mama, he's stealing my family!

Mama, please!

Please take him back!

Felix! Felix!

[grunts] Ow!

Hmm? Hmm? Oscar, what's going on?

Word on the street, your mother-in-law moved in.

Now, don't you hate that?

How would you like to get rid of her?

Why are you talking to me about my mother-in-law?

Why?

Because of your mother-in-law,

Papi moved in with Suga Mama.

And Bobby moved in with me.

And now, he's moving in on my wife and my kids.

He's helping people with their homework.

He's cooking. He's being emotionally available.

He's going to the zoo.

Point is, I've got to get Nanny McPhee out of my house.

And the only way to do that

is to get your mother-in-law out of your house.

Slow your roll there, neighbor.

I love my mother-in-law.

She cooks the food I like, she does my laundry the way I like,

and she tells Sunset how lucky she is to have me,

which I also like.

When she's here, I am truly the man of the house.

I am a god!

Oh, there you are. My favorite son-in-law,

who's too good for my daughter.

When is the last time you've eaten, huh?

You're thin as a rail.

You didn't mention she was blind as a bat.

Oh, marranitos. That's my favorite.

Hey, I want some little piggies, too. Ow!

You hit as hard as Suga Mama.

It's not for you. Just my wonderful son-in-love.

Hurry along, dear. Dinner is served.

I'll be there, mother-in-love.

What did I tell you? I'm a god.

I'm never getting rid of her.

Hey, Oscar. Does Felix know you're here?

He went with his mother-in-love. Ew.

I know. They're sickening.

-I wish she'd get out of my house. -Whoa, wait a minute.

-You don't want your mother here? -Of course not.

I mean, she showed up last week, unannounced.

Hmm, sounds like you'd do anything

-to get rid of her. -Anything.

Great. Well, I think we should go talk to your daddy

and get them back together. What do you think?

Anything except that.

Only thing worse than living with my mother

is talking to my father.

In fact, I've never heard him say three words in my entire life.

Look, Sunset, I'm desperate. Because of your mother,

Bobby is at my house right now playing Father Knows Best.

And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get him out.

Which means I've got to get Papi out of Suga Mama's house.

Which means you've got to get Guadalupe out of your house.

So let's go and talk to your daddy.

Slow your roll, Oscar. I'm not doing it.

The only thing you're not doing is taking care of your man.

Now, be a good girl and go to the store

and pick up a pumice stone.

I'm giving Felix a pedicure.

-Let's go see my dad, Oscar. -Oh, yeah.

[animals chittering]

[? suspenseful music playing]

No wonder your mother left.

Who wants to live in a houseboat?

Who else? My father.

[grunts]

Whoa! Hold on!

[screaming] Help! Help!

Hmm?

[yelling]

[screaming]

[grunts]

[screams]

Is Hector Schwarzenegger over there your daddy?

-His name is Madero. -[growls]

Madero, Hercules, the Incredible Hulk,

I don't care what you call him. I'm out of here.

-Hey, Trapo, is that you? -Huh?

[sighs] No, Papa, it's not Trapo. It's Sunset.

Yeah, I know mi trapito. And Felix.

God, you lost weight.

Oi. That's not Felix, Papa.

-That's my neighbor, Oscar. -Really?

Looks like him, though.

Uh, bad eyes run in your family, huh?

Ugh, I knew this wasn't a good idea. Come on, Oscar.

Sunset, no.

-Tell him. -Tell me que?

Uh, little Trapo needs to talk to you about something. Right, Trapo?

So let's hear it, Trapo. Speak up.

I...

I... need...

-Oh. -Stop shaking like that.

-What do you need, money? -No, Daddy.

I want you to come and get your wife out of my house.

Your mother? What do you mean? She's here.

-Guadalupe, vente! -[Sunset] Hello!

-She left you a week ago! -She did?

I was wondering why it was so peaceful around here.

I don't know why I've been scared of you all of these years.

You're just a pitiful, selfish viejo!

Ugh!

Come on, Oscar.

Huh?

[Sunset grunts angrily]

Thank you, Oscar. If it weren't for you,

I would have never had the courage to stand up to my father.

But I didn't want you to stand up to your daddy.

I wanted you to get him to come and get your mama.

-You gotta go back. -Not gonna happen, Oscar.

-I'm done with him. -There you are, mi Trapo.

[both] Huh?

-What took you so long? -How'd he beat us back here?

He was a helicopter pilot in the army,

and he never gave it back!

What are you doing here, Daddy?

What you told me to do.

I'm getting your mother out of your house.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

That's right, Madero. Especially not before dinner.

Come on, Guadalupe.

Your daughter no te quiere aqui.

You cannot tell me what to do, Madero.

-I can think for myself. -You tell him, mother-in-law.

By the way, are we having those chiles rellenos tonight?

Or was it gordita?

[in Spanish] Callate, Felix!

[in English] Chihuahua! No wonder Trapo wants you out of her house.

Look what you've done to her husband!

[grunts]

Okay, Guadalupe. I'm asking you.

Come home with me.

Uh...

You should have asked me if I wanted to live on a houseboat.

Is that what this is all about?

It's what it has always been about.

You never ask me anything. It's whatever Madero wants.

Well, I have had it.

From now on, I do what I want

so you can go live on your little houseboat all by yourself.

Oh, come on.

You probably didn't even know I was gone.

-Of course I knew. -Yeah, when Sunset told you.

[grumbles]

What I meant to say was, this ain't none of my business.

I'll be right over here, guys.

Okay, Guadalupe.

If that's the way you feel, that's the way I feel.

-Fine. -Fine.

[grunts]

Mmm.

Well...

Do you want to live on a houseboat?

Yes.

Then what was this all about?

I just wanted you to acknowledge I'm here.

And what is it that the kids say?

That I matter.

-Hmm. -[chuckles softly]

-[both chuckle] -Aw.

You're here and you matter, Guadalupe.

-[both] Huh? -[Madero grumbles]

I'll just go be over here.

[Guadalupe] Hmm.

[Sunset] Hmm.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

-[yelps] -I'm gonna get you for this.

The only thing you're getting are your mother-in-law's bags,

so she can get the heck out of my house.

Now, Felix!

Was that tough enough for you, Oscar?

Absolutely, little Trapo.

[chuckles]

Thank you, baby bruh, for putting up with me.

-And, Trudy-- -Oscar, that wasn't very nice.

-[doorbell ringing] -Bobby, I told you...

-Peabo, what do you want? -Mr. Proud, there's an emergency.

I don't know how it happened,

but the robots, they got legs now.

And they're walking to your house.

-[? suspenseful music playing] -[robots speaking indistinctly]

I know you have to go to work, right?

Oh, Peabo can handle it.

We may be living on the streets next week,

but I'm here for you now.

Whatever you want to do, family, let's do it.

We love you, Daddy.

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey, Dijonay. Really, girl?

-Give me all the tea. -[cell phone ringing]

Uh-oh. There's a bear inside of Wizmart.

Not on my watch. Gotta go, Oscar.

Okay, BeBe and CeCe. I guess it's just us.

[man on TV] Hey, kids, it's time for the Shuggie Show!

[CeCe] Shuggie, Shuggie!

Starring Shuggie, the giant panda.

[twins laughing]

Well, at least I got my family back.

-[robot speaking indistinctly] -[screams]

[? theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0