Original subtitles

[Wizard Kelly] Welcome to the Wizard Kelly Octopus Games,

which has been around longer than the Squid Games, by the way.

[all cheering]

[Wizard Kelly] Where friends and family come together and risk serious injury

in a quest for semi-valuable prizes, y'all.

Free snacks?

Don't mind if I do.

[Wizard Kelly] And as always, the Wizard has some new rules, too.

This year, we'll have an adult team winner and a kids team winner.

[all cheering]

That way, the Proud family gets to lose twice.

-[crowd laughing] -[Penny grumbles]

[groans]

You hear that, Felix? We're competing against the geezers.

-We're gonna win this year. [laughs] -[choking]

Now, all we gotta do is figure out a way to ditch the womenfolk

and get new partners, right, girls?

-Yeah, right, Oscar. -[Felix choking] Help.

-[? bachata music playing] -[Felix continues choking]

[Felix grunting]

Felix, move your stomach so I can see.

[choking]

-Felix. -[music stops]

Uh, are you okay?

Oscar, would you get over there and help Felix?

You're the doctor, ain't you? You help him.

I'm a veterinarian, Oscar.

-Well, just pretend he's a big puppy. -[Sunset] Somebody help!

Big fella? Don't worry.

[grunts]

[choking]

[strained] Somebody help me!

You saved his life.

-Thanks, guys. -What are friends for?

[continues choking] Help! Help me!

[Mr. Chips screaming]

[strained] Forget him, help me!

? The... Proud... Family... What? ?

? You and me will always be tight ?

? Family every day and every night ?

? Even when you start acting like a fool ?

? You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do ?

? I know I can always be myself ?

? When I'm with you more than anybody else ?

? Every single day that I'm headed off to school ?

? You know there's no one I love as much as you ?

-? The family ? -? The family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll make you scream! ?

? They'll make you wanna sing! ?

? It's a family thing, a family ?

? A proud, proud family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll push your buttons! ?

? They'll make you wanna hug 'em ?

? A family, family Proud, proud family ?

? Proud, proud family ?

[Oscar screams]

-Hey, what's up? -So what are the obstacles

at the Octopus Games this year?

Besides the eight arms.

[KG] Who cares?

I'm promoting my Cyber Skate Jam tomorrow at Wizard Kelly's Roller World.

It's free before three.

We're still in school before three, KG.

That's why it's three.

Is anybody sitting here?

No, the seat is yours.

-[? dramatic music plays] -[gasps] Uh... Mmm. Hmm.

Yeah.

No worries. We'll be over there.

[groans]

-Alone. -[groans]

-Together. -[groans]

-[whispers] In private. -[groans]

[chuckles] So, Penny, does this mean we're back together?

Boy, don't speak unless spoken to.

Trudy! Hurry up, woman. We're gonna be late.

[Trudy] Hold up, Oscar. I'm finishing my makeup.

You don't need makeup to go to a basketball game. Now, come on!

-? Ooh, ooh ? -[camera flashes]

? That's just what I do ?

? Ooh, ooh And that's just how we do it ?

? Do it, do it ?

? Yeah, that's just how we do it ?

Whoo-wee!

I don't care what the Wizard says.

As long as I got you, Trudy, I can never be a loser.

-[door slams] -[Penny groans]

Don't be slamming my doors around here, young lady.

What happened, baby?

LaCienega got me messed up.

She's trying to date Kareem.

Oh, I thought you and Kareem had broken up.

-They better have. -It doesn't matter, Daddy!

She's breaking Girl Code.

Just make sure you're not breaking daddy code.

And you know what that is, young lady. No boys.

[door slams shut]

Don't listen to your daddy. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

But I thought you didn't want me dating Kareem, Mama.

This is not about Kareem, honey.

You're right. LaCienega broke Girl Code.

And what is Girl Code?

[both] Love, respect, sisterhood.

But most importantly, never, and I mean never...

[both] ...mess with a girlfriend's ex.

[kisses]

And never make your man late for a game. Let's go, Trudy.

-[ringing doorbell] -[Sunset] Coming.

We'll be right there.

Come on, Felix. We're gonna miss the tipoff.

Oh, you didn't get my text.

You know my situation. I don't get anybody's texts.

[phone buzzing]

[laughs] We're going to the game with Barry and Randall.

Huh? But your seats are next to us.

Oh, we gave those to Papi and Suga Mama 'cause Barry and Randall,

they got a sweet suite baby!

-A suite? -[horn blares]

-[? upbeat music playing] -[people cheering]

[horn honks]

Come on, Felix.

We don't wanna miss Fergie doing the National Anthem.

You're going on a party bus?

It's amazing, Oscar. It has a jacuzzi inside.

We'll ride with you.

I always wanted to get in a jacuzzi.

Oh, I'm sorry, Oscar, but this is only for the party people.

-We're party people! -No, you're party poopers.

-Have fun in the cheap seats. -[Sunset] Bye, Trudy!

[Felix] Come on, Sunset.

[horn honks]

Is it just me, or did we just get dumped for Barry and Randall?

Oh, yeah, boy. Y'all been dumped.

Should be used to it by now.

[in Spanish] If only I could dump you...

[laughs]

[in English] Papi! Suga Mama! Let's go!

See if you can scalp these tickets, boy.

Because Randall invited me and my Papi, too. [laughs]

[horn honks]

Being dumped for another couple is one thing.

But being dumped for my mama? That's where I draw the line.

Oh, snap out of it, Oscar.

We don't get dumped.

We do the dumping.

Now, come on.

? We came here to party ?

? And I just wanna have some fun ?

? We came here to party ?

? And we don't need to think too much ?

? Let's get it started ?

? Up until the sun comes up ?

? We came here to party ?

Oh.

Hey, everybody!

LaCienega.

[both sigh contentedly]

[growls]

Ooh! It's cold in here.

I should have brought my ice skates.

Come on, Kareem. That's our song.

[? upbeat song playing, Maze "Before I Let Go"]

Mmm-hmm.

[grumbles]

[Frankie screaming]

Ooh.

[LaCienega squealing]

[Frankie yelping]

[Penny exclaims]

-Hmm. -[Frankie yelps]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd continues cheering]

[gasps]

Ooh, somebody's about to die.

-[crashes] -[all gasp]

[rumbling]

[squeaking]

[all screaming]

[all exclaim]

[Penny] Stop it! Stop the ball!

[crashes]

[all groaning]

-Huh? -[Wizard Kelly] Penny Proud.

Your daddy owes the Wizard a new discotheque ball.

Like the young kids say, "Secure the bag, y'all."

[gulps] Ahh!

[Felix] To my new best friend!

-[Sunset] Cheers! -[all laugh]

[Sunset] Oh, Randall. You're so funny.

[Oscar screams]

-[Bobby] Hmm. Mmm-hmm. -[Ms. Hill slurping]

Look, if y'all want to go over there and talk to them, we don't mind.

-Just leave your credit card. -Why don't you leave us some of that

million dollars you got from BrokeNoJoke?

You must be trippin', Skinny Tie.

Cause I'm broke, no joke.

-[laughing] -[Felix] You funny. [laughs]

[yelps]

Okay. Obviously, y'all trippin'.

What's wrong with y'all?

We introduced them to this restaurant. This is our restaurant!

No, this is Wizard Kelly's restaurant. Mmm, mmm.

And the food is excellent.

I'll give it five ows and a... ? dooo-eee-ooo ?

Trudy, I've been there.

I've been known to do a little stalking myself.

And what I've learned is,

it's best to confront these things head on before they fester.

So come on, let's go put these paws on 'em.

No!

We are here having dinner with you guys.

-We don't care about them-- -Uh-oh, they're ordering dessert.

Uh...

Ooh, it better not be the butter cake.

It's not the butter cake unless it comes with sparklers.

[exclaims] They got sparklers.

They only bring sparklers when we order.

Wh-- What's going on?

Fine. We'll order the butter cake too.

Excuse me, sir, could you please bring us the butter cake?

With extra sparklers, my good man.

Sorry, we're out.

We served the very last one to that table over there.

-Ooh, butter cake! -[all cheering]

Oh, you did, did you?

Let's ride, Bushrod.

I'm on my horse, Thomasine.

[gallops and neighs]

[clears throat] Are you forgetting something?

[Sunset] I should get the recipe, I love it so much.

-[Felix] It's good, isn't it? -Ooh, I can't believe it.

Oh, hey there, y'all.

[gasps] Trudy!

Oscar.

Hey, what a surprise seeing you here.

No, the surprise is seeing all you here together.

Hey, Oscar, pull up a chair, big guy.

Yeah, we got plenty of room.

Yeah, right.

We don't want any stinking room.

We want the butter cake.

[chuckles] Well, you're not getting any butter cake, Trudy.

Excuse my wife. She's a little emotional.

She actually thought you were her best friend.

You see that butter cake your husband's licking off his fingers? We ordered that.

Touch that butter cake, Oscar,

and you're gonna get burned and churned, homie.

Not by you, El Chubbo.

[gasps] He's not chubby.

He's fluffy!

I don't care what you say.

-I'm taking this butter cake. -Oh, no, you're not.

You better take your hands off my butter cake.

Get your hands off my cake!

You ain't even know about the butter cake until I told you about it.

[Felix] Come back here! Got it.

[Oscar] Get your chubby fingers off my butter cake.

[Trudy] Ooh, you about to go down just like your name.

Stop! Stop!

Please compose yourselves.

Yes. There's enough cake for everyone.

And this is my butter cake!

[all scream]

[thuds]

Huh?

[Bobby screams]

[Oscar] Uh, Trudy.

They got your credit card, baby.

Welcome, everybody to the Wizard Kelly Family Picnic

and Octopus Games!

Oh, we about to have some fun.

Time to pick your teams, y'all!

Okay, who wants to join our team?

Who wants to join the winning team?

[laughs menacingly]

[all] Hmm...

[Zoey] Huh?

Ooh, my girl. Zoey, I knew I could depend on you. [chuckles]

[gasps]

-[grumbles] -Okay. I guess this means we're a team.

Which means we have to get along.

Oh. [chuckles]

We'll get along as long as you and your girlfriend stay out of my way.

That's pretty hard to do with that forehead, Proud.

Or that five head or I don't know, it's a lot of head.

You gotta fix that.

Who are you to-- Put me down!

Are you guys ready to win the Octopus Games?

'Cause this guy is!

Uh, about that... Felix.

I don't know quite how to put this.

Oh, just say it, Barry.

We're teaming up with Bobby and Ms. Hill.

-[Trudy] What? -Mmm-hmm.

Bobby and Miss Hill?

-Why? -Oh.

You've got too much drama going on, baby bruh.

Ooh. Well, I guess it's your lucky day, Mama.

You and Papi are on our team.

As usual, you guessed wrong, son.

Come on, Suga.

Y'all ready to put a spanking on these youngins?

Aw, yeah, that's how we do it.

Ain't that right, Papi?

[in Spanish] I wish you'd put on some Spanx.

-[laughs] -[in English] Suga Mama!

Papi. Papi! Papi, please.

[sighs]

I guess that makes us a team.

-A bad team. -[grumbles]

Is that butter cake? Give me that.

[both arguing]

[Wizard Kelly] All right, now.

Welcome, everybody.

Now our first game is called Red Light, Green Light.

When I bounce, you bounce.

When I stop, you stop.

And if you don't, watch out for the no-look pass, y'all.

What's a no-look pass?

[mechanical whirring, beeps]

[Dijonay screams]

[all groaning]

[Wizard Kelly] Team Five, you out.

-[buzzer sounds] -Zang! How did he do that?

It's called magic, y'all.

[? hip-hop song playing, Ludacris "Stand Up"]

[all grunting]

-[buzzer sounds] -Oh, whoa, whoa.

[machine beeps]

Whoa!

-[buzzer sounds] -[all scream]

[buzzer sounds]

-[machine beeps] -Ah!

Duck!

[? triumphant music plays]

[all cheering]

Time for a new game.

And this here's my favorite.

It's called Pickleball, y'all.

[? hip-hop song continues playing, Ludacris "Stand Up"]

Pickleball? I love Pickleball!

Ahh!

[gasps]

[Kareem grunting]

You're welcome.

Out of my way, pickle puss.

Aw. Are you okay, pobrecito? Kareemy-weemy. Aw, baby.

[Sunset] Felix, stop playing around and get over here!

[Felix] No, no, no! No, no, no! What is this?

What is it? Is it fire?

[groaning]

Oh?

[Felix groaning]

[? triumphant music plays]

Ah, thanks, Oscar.

-Oh, now you're grateful? -What is with you?

He was just thanking you.

Oh, keep your thanks.

We only accept them from real friends. [scoffs]

Okay, now, this is our final event of the Octopus Games.

The teams must race across this tasty pretzel

without falling into the vat of mustard below.

It's Grey Poupon, y'all.

Now, the first adult team and little children's team

to make it across are the winners.

Pick your route carefully because the pretzel's salty.

[squirrel screaming]

[Wizard Kelly] Hypertension is real, y'all.

[splashes]

On your mark.

[Penny growls]

Get set.

[both growl]

Go, y'all!

[Penny] Keep up, y'all.

[all sighing, panting]

[Wizard Kelly] Ooh wee. Peabo's team ain't monkeying around.

Wait a minute, maybe they are.

Ooh, the Kelly Wizard confused, y'all.

[Penny] Ooh, be careful.

[groans]

Okay, guys, obviously we need to go this way.

Who died and put you in charge, Proud?

Yeah. I think we should go to the right. C'mon.

No, that side has too much salt.

Only thing salty is you, Proud.

[Frankie] Penny, chill out.

It looks okay to me.

Nobody cares what you think, Frankie.

All right, Penny, tell the truth.

Are you into me or am I just a rebound?

'Cause I can go either way.

Ugh!

You're the rebound.

I knew it.

You knew what, Kareemy?

Uh, no-- Nothing. I don't know anything. What do I know? Pfft.

I'm the rebound?

Really, Penny? My heart didn't sign up for this.

But you just said you could go either way.

[loud cracking]

[all screaming]

[Wizard Kelly] Team Four is in the condiments, y'all.

Felix, what are you doing?

I'm not going anywhere until you and Trudy explain

-why are you mad at us? -[Sunset] Yeah.

Explain? This is not the time or-- You know what you did.

No, we don't!

We have no idea why you've been treating us the way you've been treating us.

Treating you? How about the way you've been treating us?

What are you talking about?

You dumping us for Barry and Randall.

We didn't dump you.

-Oh, yeah? -Barry saved my life.

It's the least we could do.

Oh, come on. You gotta come up with a better excuse than that.

What's better than someone saving your life?

Okay, but that still doesn't explain the butter cake.

That's our thing.

We only order the butter cake when we're together.

[? sentimental music playing]

Okay, Trudy, you're right.

We dumped you.

But... But we didn't mean to hurt you, did we, Felix?

Well, maybe a little, 'cause when I was choking,

you didn't even try to help me, Oscar!

Well, I was choking and you didn't help me.

As a matter of fact, none of y'all helped me.

-I was just standing there, choking. -Oscar.

Okay, okay.

Felix,

I saw you choking.

And I should have helped you, man. I'm sorry.

Hmm? And I'm sorry we dumped you, Oscar.

If you want, we will never see Barry and Randall again.

We just want to know we're an important part of your lives.

The same way you're important to us.

Well, you know you are, Trudy. You're my bestie.

Oh!

Everybody! Everybody bring it in. Group hug.

-[loud cracking] -Huh?

[all scream]

Now, what do we have here?

Team Cocoon is napping at the starting line?

-[bones cracking] -All good things come to those who wait.

[woman] Oh, come on, let's do this, Suga!

[all yelling]

[Wizard Kelly] And the winners of the Octopus Games are Team Cocoon

and The Children of the Corn, y'all.

Both movies are officially streaming on Wizney Plus.

[crowd cheering and clapping]

[all groaning]

This mustard is stinging my eyes.

Frankie, can you get me some water?

Get it yourself, Penny.

-Last time I give my heart to a girl... -[Penny] Frankie!

-Frankie! -Are you okay, LaCienega?

Oh, save it Kareem Abdul, or whatever your name is!

This is going to take weeks to get out of my hair!

Ay, Dios! Ay, no! No me gusta!

[Penny groaning]

[groans]

Ow.

[Kareem] Hold on, Penny.

[sighs in relief]

-[Kareem] I got you. -[groans softly]

Thank you.

[chuckles softly]

[sighs softly]

-[Kareem] See you tomorrow at school. -[gasps]

[Penny chuckles softly]

[chuckles]

[? theme music playing]

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