Original subtitles

Oh, I know, Frank. Yeah, I'm exhausted.

Lia wanted to see the whole of Australia!

And I said to her, I said, "The termite hills

of Litchfield National Park might be on your bucket list,

but they are not on mine."

I've had enough of creepy crawlies and critters,

thank you very much. And thank you very much.

It's strange to think, isn't it, just two days ago

I was watching the sunset over Uluru.

Yeah. Uh, just get some sleep.

Me and Sebastian are gonna-- gonna try and soldier on.

- Have you been busy? - Oh, yeah, up to our eyes.

- Dolly Parton? - No.

- No. Uh, Debbie Harry? - No.

- Boris Johnson? - Close.

What's that? Is that Sebastian?

- What was that? - Oh, just spit-balling

potential brand ambassadors for the agency.

Oh, that's odd. The door's stuck.

I give up.

Oh!

Oh! Who are you?!

- Who are you? - Um, I live here.

No. No, no, this is my cottage.

I just bought it.

Ah...

Oh.

Oh, that's very good, yeah.

Did Frank put you up to this? This is--

That's hilarious, Frank. You actually really got me.

- What are you talking about? - You're one of Sebastian's

acting friends, I expect, are you?

No, I most certainly am not.

It's alright. You can stop now. You can drop it.

It's fine. I get it. It's, um--

You're very good though, actually, I should day.

You were just the right side of affronted and po-faced.

- It was good. - You need to leave

or I'm calling the police.

Chamomile for you.

- Extra honey. - Thank you.

DS Keeler, I--

Joe, I'm just trying to find the, um...

Yeah.

I understand.

What did Keeler say?

The Land Registry has this Celia Touchstone down

as the legal owner of your house as of two days ago.

That's ridiculous!

What's he gonna do about it?

Nothing.

Not until they can prove there's an actual crime.

How can you steal a house?

Identity theft.

Someone pretends to be you.

They sell the house, pocket the cash.

I could see what your mortgage provider knows.

- Oh, yeah. - Mm.

No.

Oh, no, I've already paid the mortgage off.

I paid it off when Mum died.

They haven't just stolen from me.

They've stolen from my dead mother!

Erm, have you, erm, called your sister yet?

I don't think she's got signal.

Well, listen, don't worry.

Me and Sebastian will take care of everything.

- Won't we? - "Thou shalt have justice,

more than thou desir'st."

Yeah, what he said.

Do you mind if I, er...?

Yeah.

Look, I do sympathise with your friend's situation,

Mr. Hathaway, but I bought the cottage in good faith.

From?

Freddie Duke at As You Like It Estates.

Look, I hope I'm not being out of order or anything,

but do you think that you'd maybe consider moving out

until this whole mess is cleared up?

No. That's out of the question.

I've relocated from London.

- Yeah, but she's homeless. - And I'm very sorry,

but I'm an innocent victim, too.

Hang on. Wh--

What's happened to all of Lu's stuff?

Erm, I believe a house clearance company came

and took everything when the cottage was being repossessed.

Repossessed?!

Ha! The cheeky cow!

Yeah, that's it. You own that anger.

We want the "can do" Lu,

Lu with the glass half full.

Although technically her glass has been nicked

and half-filled by somebody else.

- Not helping... - No, Sebastian's right.

It's time for the fight back.

"I am woman. Hear me roar."

Are you quoting the Bard, as well, now?

What?

- No, it's Helen Reddy. - It's Helen Reddy.

It's my Mum's favourite song.

Right, come on then.

Let's go and see what this estate agent

has got to say for himself.

And just spray some air freshener around

while I'm gone.

Come on.

- Say something! - I can't!

It's too embarrassing. She's too smelly.

Well, speak up--

- What-- - What's wrong?

I-I-I was just suggesting to Sebastian

that we go and call the local,

uh, furniture places for your stuff.

Hello.

Uh, hi, uh, we're looking for Freddie Duke.

That would be me. Mr. and Mrs...?

- Uh, Hathaway. - Shakespeare. Miss. Miss.

Yes. Uh, we're, um-- we're actually, um,

- private investigators. - Oh.

Yes, and we would like to know

why you sold my cottage in Wilmcote

to Celia Touchstone.

Wilmcote.

Wilmcote.

Oh, hang on. Yes.

I know the one you mean.

Wasn't that owned by Mega Fast Moves?

No! No, it was owned by me!

And I didn't even know it had been sold

until a couple of hours ago.

- Oh, that's terrible. - Mm.

I'm so sorry.

Please, take a seat.

Look, I--

I'd love to help,

but as far as I knew, the sale was all above board.

And, uh, what can you tell us about Mega Fast Moves?

Online property-buying company.

Useful if you want to make a quick sale,

though they do buy well under market value

and sell for a serious profit.

Have you sold property for them before?

A couple of times, yeah.

Pretty straightforward stuff.

Always very fast, obviously.

Um...

Though I've only dealt with them via email.

Didn't that strike you as a bit odd?

Oh, not really.

I mean, everything's online nowadays.

There is one person that you should speak to--

Oliver Silvius of Silvius Solicitors.

Yeah, he handles all the conveyancing

for Mega Fast Moves. In fact, I've got

his card around here somewhere.

Yeah.

Here you go.

I hope you manage to work things out.

Thank you.

Yeah, sorry, I had a sausage and bean pasty earlier.

It's gone through me like a steam train.

Erm, so, whaddya reckon?

He gave up that solicitor bloke pretty quickly, didn't he?

Lu?

Ohh.

I've realised, you know, it's not just my house

that I've lost, is it? It's--

It's all my beautiful things, Frank,

and-- and my memories.

It's...

Ohh!

Erm, why don't you get in the car, Lu, in the dry?

Okay.

G'day! I mean good afternoon.

Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators.

- How may I help? - Yeah, it's me.

Listen, I need contact details and a background check

on a company called Mega Fast Moves.

Mega Fast.

How's our Walzing Matilda getting on?

- Yeah, not great. - Oh, so, you haven't mentioned

her exotic aroma?

No.

Do it.

Are, erm-- Are you okay?

Yes. Yes, I will be,

as soon as I find out who's done this to me.

Come on, then.

I hope this won't take long. I have a client waiting.

Well, tell us all about Mega Fast Moves,

and we'll be on our way.

I've done a couple of local conveyancing jobs for them.

- Why? - Because someone

pretending to be me sold my house to them

when I was out of the country.

And you're holding me responsible?

Well, if you aren't, who is?

Mega Fast Moves.

If they've bought from someone pretending to be, uh-- Sorry.

- What was your name again? - Luella Shakespeare.

Right, then it's up to them to check it's the real

Luella Shakespeare selling the property.

Is that all you've got to say?

No.

If you manage to catch up with anyone there,

please ask them to reply to my e-mails.

They haven't paid my invoice yet.

Well, you must know something else.

You--

Oh! Hi, Spider.

Prynhawn da! Nice holiday, Lu?

Er, well, yeah, until I got back.

You did hear what happened, right?

That's why I'm here.

This is all Sebastian could find on Mega Fast Moves,

so he's called in the big guns.

Oh, great! So, what have you got so far?

Well, for star--

Well, for starters, it looks like they set up

a couple of years ago, but, I mean,

this site is faker than plastic trees.

Can you find out who's behind it?

Yeah, and who they bought my house from?

And where the money from the sale went?

Triple affirmative, that one. Might need a bit of time.

- Where've you been? - Apparently Spider

can't function without an unceasing supply

of ultra-processed food and free-flowing energy drink.

But otherwise, he's working pro bono.

Aw, thanks, Spider!

Anything to get your house back, Lu.

And if you need a place to kip, my sofa bed has your name on it.

Just as long as you have a shower first.

Sorry?

Oh, no need to be embarrassed.

I reckon I get pretty ripe myself

when I've been on a gaming bender.

Eugh!

Oh!

That smell is me.

No wonder it's been following me about all day.

I thought it was you!

Oh, thanks very much.

And here's me trying not to kick you

when you're already down.

Ohh, guys!

Guys, I'm so sorry.

I've just had 24 hours without any sleep

or chance to wash or clean.

Like I said, no judgement.

And thanks, Spider, for the offer of staying at yours,

but I think actually I'd be more relaxed in a B&B.

You'll be lucky to find anywhere.

There's another Artisanal Gin Festival

- on this week. - Really?

Ohh.

Oh, well, I suppose I could always sleep in Lulu.

It's my Mini.

I'm not gonna let you sleep in your car.

I've got a spare room.

You can have it for as long as you need.

Ooh, Frank! I could hug you!

- Ohh, please don't. - No.

Yeah. Well, we'll have fun, won't we?

We'll be roomies.

We can get a takeaway from Bostin' Balti for dinner.

Ooh, lovely.

I'll have a stuffed paratha with mine.

Yeah, I meant just me and her.

Yeah, yeah, what I'd love right now

is a nice big glass of wine and a big bubble bath.

Oh, wow, Frank, it's, erm...

cosy, isn't it?

Yeah, I, uh--

I never got round to unpacking

when me and Maureen split.

You!

Only you would go backpacking without a backpack.

It's calling glam-packing.

Right, yeah.

Whew!

Right, I'll, er-- Ohh.

Uh, I'll, er, make some space while you go and freshen up.

Yes, sorry.

- Where would I do that? - Just in there. Yeah.

Terrible stench.

- Frank! - What?!

Well, it's just-- It was just there.

It just came out of nowhere, but I--

But it's alright 'cause I think I can--

No, Stop! Stop!

Aw.

Come here, Jimmy, lad. Come here.

Did she scare you?

Don't worry, I won't let her hurt you.

Jimmy?

Yeah, you know, Jimmy Cagney.

You know, "You dirty rat!"

What, he's a pet?!

Yeah, I let him have the run of the bathroom while I'm out.

Oh, Frank!

Well, what about disease and incontinence and...

I know the Black Death gave them a bad rep,

but rats are actually very intelligent

and sociable creatures. Yeah.

Hey, he'll laugh if you tickle him.

Alright, no. I'll take your word for that.

Right. Right, well, I'll go and put him in his cage

while you, uh, freshen up a bit.

Okay.

Welcome home, Lu.

Aww. I wish Frank snored like that.

He kept me up all night.

Snoring. I could hear him through the walls.

No, you couldn't!

Uh, where did Mr. Cagney sleep?

In a cage in Frank's room.

He must have a teeny tiny pair of earplugs.

Ah.

Ohh, still no joy finding your furniture.

But I did have a bit of a breakthrough yesterday.

I tracked down a few other victims of Mega Fast Moves,

and one of them is due any second...

- ...now. - Oh!

Audrey Martext?

- Yeah. - Meet Lu Shakespeare.

- Hello! - Hi.

Just having a power nap.

So, you were away visiting your daughter when it happened?

Yes, she'd just had our first grandchild, little Noah,

and me and Bill went to help out for a couple of months.

And when you came back, someone else was living in your house?

Yes. It was such a shock.

Apparently, they had to move really quickly

'cause the husband was starting a new job.

But they were a lovely couple.

I don't blame them.

And they bought your place from Freddie Duke,

who was selling for Mega Fast Moves?

Yes.

And we also spoke to that Mr. Silvius

who was doing the conveyancing.

He was no good. And do you know what?

He charged us for that appointment.

And he blamed it on the other company

and told us to get in touch with Land Registry

for some compensation.

Yeah, it sounds familiar.

And the worst of it was

that, after that meeting,

Bill had a massive heart attack,

and he's been in Arden Hospital ever since.

Audrey! I'm so sorry.

I'm not upset. I'm just flaming furious!

I could kill whoever's responsible for doing this.

Hmm. Well, what about the police?

Um, yeah, I filed a complaint.

I just felt like I was wasting their time.

And I had even offered a reward

to whoever can get us our home back.

Well, that's very generous.

Not that we're interested.

No.

You know, when I spoke to the other victims,

they also said that their buyers

needed a quick sale, and they paid in cash.

Do you think Mega Fast Moves have been stealing houses

- to order? - It's worth checking out.

Yeah, it's got subsidence.

Yeah, no, don't tell them that.

No.

Oh, I'll call you back.

Freddie Duke, As You Like It Estates Manager.

Caoimhn Kirwan.

How can I help?

I'm looking to buy a wee place over here

so I can grow my export business.

Oh. What line are you in?

Oysters.

We already supply a lot of top restaurants,

so I really need somewhere right now.

Any idea on budget?

Och, cash is no object.

- Really? - Aye.

Well, let's take some details down.

Well, it's official.

Oliver Silvius has got zero online presence.

I know.

Five hours!

Five hours, he's not even left the place

or had a single visitor.

Think he's lying low because he knows we're onto him?

Maybe.

- Huh? - Thanks.

Did you always want to be in the police force?

Nah. Up until I was about 10,

I wanted to be a lion tamer.

- Oh, yes, Frank! - Oh, yeah!

Yeah, I could see that.

Good choice.

I always wanted to be a brain surgeon and a mermaid.

What, at the same time?

Yeah.

I'm a woman. I can multitask.

Might be tricky to keep the operating theatre clean, though,

you know, with all that seaweed floating about.

Is that the best you can do?

No, I'm just saying, it sounded a bit fishy.

I didn't wanna carp on about it.

That's good.

I didn't wanna see you flounder.

Okay. Hali-but--

- Alright, alright. - Oh, okay. Yeah, right.

- Oh, come on, Ariel. - What?

- Oh - Follow that crab.

Er, cab!

Hmm.

He likes a younger woman then.

You're so cynical.

Might be his daughter.

Ohh. Better not be his daughter.

It's a shame.

You know, I thought you'd love that one.

Oh, it's class, so it is, but I've not seen anything

I like so much as my doughty wee house in County Down.

- Mm. - Places round here--

they're just not as... coastal.

Well, mm, we are miles from the coast, so...

Got the Avon, though, eh?

I'm sure I can find you some-- some riverside properties

- you'd absolutely adore. - Any I can see now?

Uh, nothing at the moment, no.

But I'll give you a call as soon as...

...something comes in.

Sorry.

- Do you mind if I take this? - No bother.

What have I told you

about calling me at work?

Again?!

You went out with the girls on Saturday.

Well, I suppose I can't say no then.

You'd better not be late, though, "Phee."

Women, eh?

Aye. My other half-- Francine--

shi's niver aff ma back.

Mm.

She must have the bladder of an elephant.

I can never drink that much champagne and not go for a wee.

Stop it.

I'm beginning to regret that last coffee.

Do you know, I became a bit of an expert at "wild wees"

when we were in the Outback.

I knew exactly how to avoid the lizards and the snakes.

Oh, very, uh Crocodile Dundee.

Yeah.

You know, it's not just the crocodiles you've got

to look out for, actually, because koalas

can be really vicious. Yeah.

Lia tried to cuddle one once

and it bit her right on the nipple.

Oh, no, hang on.

I'll be back in a minute.

Frank! Frank! Something's happening.

Something's happening. There's movement.

Frank?

Frank, pee faster! We're on the move!

I'm going as fast as I can!

Oh, Frank! We've missed them.

They-- They must have got in a taxi.

You don't know that.

Let's drive around a bit. We might spot them.

I'm gonna have to do a hill start now.

- Clear? - Yep. Yes.

I can't believe they got away from us

because of your weak bladder.

I-- I've said I'm sorry, alright?

- What are you doing? - Hmm?

Just tidying up a bit.

I have a system.

Oh, and I like the toilet paper to hang underneath

and not over the top, alright?

- Alright. - Now, listen.

You heat up that leftover balti.

I'll go and get Jimmy.

They made an odd couple, didn't they,

Oliver and that woman?

And you know what?

I don't think that was their first date,

judging by the way they were snogging.

- You okay? - Ah, yep. Yes.

Where's Jimmy?

Oh, he's, er-- Oh, he's fine.

He's not in the bathroom, is he?

- He'll turn up eventually. - Frank!

You're expecting me to be able to sleep when--

when there's a rat on the loose?

You slept in the Outback with lizards and snakes.

It was a guided tour! I'm not Bear Grylls!

Oh, he's just found a nice warm spot to have a nap.

Yeah. Like my bed?

Oh! Jimmy, Jimmy.

Aw, what'd she do?

- I touched it! - Jimmy.

Ahh!

Jimmy.

Oh!

Hi, Spidey.

You got anything for us?

Well, like I thought,

Mega Fast Moves doesn't actually exist.

It's just a load of AI-generated content

that leads to myriad dead ends.

So whoever's behind the business

sold my house and all the others?

Yep.

And as you suspected,

that would be Oliver Silvius.

Everything leads back to him.

What about Freddie Duke?

He seems clean.

So, what's happened to all the money from the house sales?

I'm still working on that.

We need something that's gonna stand up in court.

10-4, big man.

Think we can blindside Silvius into a confession?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

This vehicle is reversing.

This vehicle--

You have to say it all the way.

Hello?

Hello? Mr. Silvius?

Erm, we found him about 8:45.

I don't know why I'm surprised to find you two

poking around every murder scene, but I still am.

Well, where would you be if you'd just found out

who stole your house?

At the police station, making a full report,

not getting in the way here.

And I assume your guys are going through

the hard drive on the laptop?

Uh, when might we get some access?

To the murder weapon?

Yeah, it might be the key to getting my house back.

That's not my priority.

And because of your connection to the victim,

I'm gonna have to ask you--

where you were between midnight and 3:00 a.m.?

She stayed at my place all night.

You two aren't, uh...?

- No, nothing like that! - No!

- I was in the spare room. - I wouldn't.

- No, I wouldn't. - He wouldn't. I wouldn't.

Alright, well, find out anything else

and come straight back to me, right?

- Yeah, 'course we will. - Mm.

Now please get off my crime scene.

Time of death between midnight and 3:00 a.m. then.

- Thank you, DS Keeler. - Mm!

- You were a bit adamant there. - What do you mean?

That nothing would happen between us.

Spider, Oliver Silvius has been murdered,

so please just tell us you've got something.

Hello?

Earth to Spiderman?

I found his offshore account.

Brilliant! Right.

That's where the money will be, yeah?

Not anymore.

I-It was there. It was right there.

And then it just disappeared. Poof!

- Ohh. - You'll be able to trace it

- again, though, right? - He's been trying

for the last hour.

What if the information that Spider needs

is on the murder weapon?

Oliver Silvius was killed with his own laptop.

Ohh.

I'm never gonna get my cottage back, are we?

Don't worry, Lu.

I've accessed Oliver's files remotely.

Well, Silvius couldn't have moved the money this morning

'cause he was already dead.

Unless he had an accomplice.

Do you think that's the mystery woman?

Or is she the murderer?

She might be both.

But we need to find her if we're gonna get Lu's house back.

Oh!

Really playing catch-up on this one, eh, Frank?

Yeah, looks like it.

Well, you're wasting your time in there.

We still don't have an ID for Oliver Silvius's date,

and that waiter gave the most unhelpful description ever.

Did they say if they left? Maybe in a taxi?

No. We don't even know if they left together.

See, Silvius might have gone back to the office,

and if he'd arranged to meet the killer,

you know, they-- they could have staged

- a break-in after the murder. - No.

Somebody definitely tripped the silent alarm

The security company confirmed.

They received an alert just before midnight

but they didn't come out 'cause they called Silvius

and he said he'd go and switch it off himself.

Cheers, Joe. Thanks for the intel.

Oh, you saved us a lot of legwork.

- Do you fancy an early lunch? - Ooh, yes!

We could have chips down by the Avon.

- Ooh! - You not gonna solve a case

eating chips by the river.

But in case you do and you don't tell me,

I'll do you for perverting the course of justice, Frank.

- And that's a promise. - Mm.

- Mm. Mm. - Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm.

Whew!

What's up?

I just saw someone wearing my hat.

Oh, well, a hat like the one I used to own.

At the risk of sounding tasteless,

I'm considering this a celebration.

- Anyone? - Oh--

Well, no. Someone has been murdered, Audrey.

I won't be sending flowers.

Mm? Mmm!

So, does this mean that we're gonna get our homes back?

Erm, well, it's not quite that simple.

You know, I mean, we've got to find the money,

establish how your identities were stolen,

and even then, the Land Registry might argue the toss

about who has the stronger claim to live in each house.

So, no nearer then?

I'm so sorry.

Just um, covering all bases, Audrey,

but, um, where were you

between the hours of midnight and 3:00 this morning?

At the hospital. Where else?

Me and Bill haven't spent a night apart in 48 years.

You're supposed to be getting our homes back,

not trying to pin this scumbag's murder on a homeless pensioner!

I think she's gone through enough without you--

Ohh, I used to have a dress like that.

- Oh, it's very you. - Yeah.

And I saw someone wearing a hat like mine earlier.

Now, that-- that definitely is my coat.

I'll see you back at the office. Excuse me!

Excuse me! Hello!

What did you, uh, think of Audrey's reaction?

Oh!

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Yeah, I think she, uh-- she doth...

the "thame."

Um, shall we go and check her alibi,

you know, just to be on the, um...

"thafe thide"?

I'll go talk to Freddie Duke.

How well did you know Oliver?

Oh, hardly at all.

Put some business his way when buyers needed a solicitor.

- Still a shock, though. - Hmm.

And you can't think of anyone who might have wanted him dead?

No. No. I can't.

And in case you were wondering, my girlfriend and I

were home together last night

from 6:00 till 8:00 this morning.

We both gave statements to the police.

- The real police. - Oh!

Well, listen, thank you. You've been very helpful.

Ah.

- Oh, hey. - Ooh! New coat?

No! It was mine.

That woman bought it secondhand.

So, would you believe, right now,

my entire wardrobe is being sold

in charity shops all round Stratford.

It's cost me a flipping fortune to buy back

what I could find.

Any luck with your Mystery Woman?

Nah. Those photos from last night are useless.

Not a single shot where you can see her face.

- Typical. - I've got Spider doing some

background checks on Silvius.

Now, we need to concentrate on the basics,

figure out who benefits most from his death.

- Mm. - I've just spoken

to my contact at Arden Hospital,

and apparently there was a shift change

on Bill's ward at midnight

and Audrey was not by his bedside then,

nor was she when his obs were done a couple of hours later.

Sebastian, how do you do it?

Let's just say I have friends in "hy-gienic" places.

Ohh!

Oh, you've got a friend who's a cleaner.

A cleaner on Coronary Care.

- Oh! - Mm.

Come on. Let's see where that leaves us.

I can't believe you checked up on her.

She lied to us. So did Freddie Duke.

Him being at home with his girlfriend after 6:00 p.m.

doesn't match what you overheard

about her being out with the girls after work.

Any news on the emails?

I'm still working on it.

This guy knows a lot about cyber security, I can tell you.

I'm just wondering if there's something specific

that links Audrey and Lu?

You mean, what made them the perfect targets?

Exactly. None of the victims had mortgages.

All of the properties were temporarily empty.

Is there anything else? Lu?

I don't know. I've only just met her.

It's the files I requested for Oliver Silvius.

- And? - There's a marriage certificate.

Oooh, interesting!

Oliver had an ex-wife.

And you'll never guess who it is.

I've already told the police I was asleep alone

when Oliver was murdered.

I still can't believe he's dead.

Well, obviously we're, uh-- we're very sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Oliver had dinner last night with a-- with a young woman.

Do you know anything about that?

No.

No, which is unusual.

Oliver liked to boast about his conquests.

Mm.

So, you were married for 3 years,

divorced for-- divorced for 12,

and you moved back to Stratford because...?

Well, I was born here.

Oliver and I stayed friends,

and then I moved to London when I married Charles.

And then when he died I just wanted

a fresh start somewhere familiar.

And Oliver told you about this place?

Yeah, said he found it on an estate agent website,

thought it was perfect.

I can't believe he lied to me.

Sounds like a bit of a one-way friendship.

I mean, he steals the house for you,

then runs away with the money you paid for it.

Yeah, getting you mixed up in all of that,

we wouldn't blame you if you did wanna kill him.

I mean, I was angry. Who wouldn't be?

But I, erm...

No, the last time I saw Oliver was, uh, about a week ago,

I think, when I was signing the papers.

- Sure about that? - Sorry?

Well, it's just, you were in Oliver's office

when we first met him, I think.

I recognise that jacket there.

It was on the coat stand. It's a lovely jacket.

I wouldn't forget that jacket.

Okay, okay, yes, yes, I was there.

I was furious when I found out about the scam,

and he was ignoring my calls.

So, what did he say when you were in the office?

Well, just more lies.

He denied knowing anything.

Said the property company had scammed him, as well.

- Anything else? - No.

Come on, Celia.

You can't possibly have any loyalty to him now.

I don't. I promise you, there's nothing.

We argued. I left. I certainly didn't kill him.

Audrey?

I was just getting up the courage to come and see you.

Oh, don't be silly. You're welcome any time.

I just wanted to explain why I got so angry before.

I was with Bill. I just--

I couldn't sleep on the cot bed,

so I kept nipping out for sneaky cigarettes.

I-- I promise that I didn't leave the hospital grounds.

I never really thought it was you, you know.

I only started smoking because of the stress.

If Bill finds out, he'll go mad.

Well, I'm glad you came back.

- Could I ask a favour? - 'Course.

Can I sit in your reception and give our Wendy a video-call?

- Yes! - Thank you.

It's just that the Wi-Fi at the hospital is shocking.

It's so difficult to keep in touch, what with the distance.

Distance? Where does she live?

Did I not say? Boston.

- Oh! - What, Lincolnshire?

Massachusetts.

Hang on. So, you and Lu were both abroad

- when your houses were stolen? - That's right.

And did you book the trip yourself?

Oh, no, I'm no good at that kind of thing.

And anyway we were going out a few days

before Wendy's due date,

so I just asked the travel agent

to arrange the flights and some day trips.

And which travel agent did you use?

- Tybalt Travel. - Tybalt Travel.

That girl at Tybalt was lovely. What was her name?

Phoebe Amiens.

Me and my sister, Lia,

we booked our whole Outback tour through her.

I only ever spoke to her on the phone, but she knew everything.

She knew my home address, my passport details,

how long I was gonna be away,

everything she would need to steal my identity.

Hang on.

Same colouring.

It might be her. We need a better angle.

That's my handbag!

Ah!

Come to think of it, she looks just like the woman

who was wearing my hat.

Come on. Let's pay her a visit.

Oh, just a thought-- when I heard Freddie

talking to his girlfriend on the phone,

I assumed her name was Fiona because he called her "Fi,"

but what if it was "Phoebe"?

- Come on. - Wait a minute.

Have you finally got into Freddie's emails?

Oh, I've been in there ages.

I just wanted to make a few more checks

before I said anything.

There's something here you really wanna see.

You going on holiday, Freddie?

Last time I did that, when I came back,

someone else was living in my house.

That was Oliver Silvius.

Yeah, that's what you wanted us to think

when you hacked into his computer

to remove any trace of your involvement

with Mega Fast Moves.

You broke into his office, he caught ya,

and you killed him.

Who are these people, Freddie?

Oh, don't bother, Phoebe.

We know that you've been using your clients' travel information

to steal their identities and sell their houses.

I told you.

That last job was one too many.

Shut up!

I mean you must have made a pretty penny

from selling those stolen houses.

What was it, you didn't like the three-way split?

Is that why you killed Silvius?

So then you two could take the lot and run off to Thailand?

No. No, I-I didn't--

Or was it because you found out

that he was seeing Phoebe behind your back?

Ohh, that must have stung, a man twice your age.

She was just stringing him along.

- Freddie, don't. - What's the point, Phee?

They know everything.

Trying to steal my money, Freddie?

Call it quits for trying to steal Phoebe.

She can't wait to get rid of you.

Please.

I know all about your cosy little dinner, Oliver.

She's not really interested.

Ohh.

That's not the impression I got last Saturday night.

She wouldn't.

Oh, Freddie.

Do I have to tell you all about that adorable

little butterfly tattoo on the inside of her left thigh?

Ugh!

Oliver was right.

You're so stupid.

She's been playing you two off against each other

for the whole time.

What?

No.

No, she told me everything.

She chose me.

No, she's booked on another flight this evening.

To Brazil. Alone.

Were you gonna ditch him at the airport, Phoebe?

But you said that...

I did it because I love you.

No, you did it

because your macho pride got injured.

It was pathetic,

both of you begging me to ditch the other.

That's why I was going to Brazil--

because I didn't want either of you.

The house scam was all her idea!

Hey! Hey!

Ohh! Ow!

What'ya-- Why would you--

No! No!

Lulu! No!

Freddie Duke, I'm arresting you

on suspicion of the murder of Oliver Silvius.

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence

if you don't mention, when questioned, something

you rely on later in court.

Anything you do say may be given as evidence.

Coming through, coming through!

Ahh! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you!

And I'd like my handbag back, too.

It's okay, Lulu.

I've got you.

Yeah, I know. I didn't--

I didn't know I had it in me myself.

Yeah, Sally Gunnell called. She wants her trainers back.

I suggest we all drink

to Audrey and Lu getting their homes back.

- Yes! To going home! - To going home.

- To Lu going home. - Mm.

Mm, and I will get that reward to you

as soon as me and Bill can.

- Ah, fantastic-- - Don't worry.

I know.

How about a celebratory takeaway from Bostin' Balti?

Ooh. Am I invited this time?

- Yeah! - No.

- It's on Frank. - Aww, thanks, Frank.

Come one, come all.

Uh, but I insist we eat here.

I refuse to set foot in Rodent Towers.

- What? - It's not as bad as you'd think.

He's got a big rat.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for letting me move back in.

Oh, it's only a matter of time

before the fraud's sorted out anyway,

and I don't want to stay in Stratford

after everything that's happened.

That's understandable. Well, good luck.

Yes.

And besides, that toilet of yours

never really flushed properly.

Oh.

- Right. - Lu!

- Oh, hey! - Hello.

What's all this about?

It's...

- your furniture! - Oh!

Sebastian tracked it all down.

Oh! Oh, Sebastian!

- Mwah. - Thank you!

- Mwah. - Ah! Thank you.

All my things!

Thank you.

And thank you for putting up with me.

Ah, at least I'll be able to find my own stuff now.

And you won't nick all the hot water.

- I'm gonna miss you, too. - Ooh.

But I won't miss Jimmy Cagney.

Oh! We've got a little surprise for ya.

- Oh!

- Don't look. - Okay.

Just a little house-warming present.

Guys. You shouldn't have.

- Ohh!

You! You dirty rat.