All language subtitles for Mandy.s01e02.Susan Bloody Blower

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,880 Oh, Mandy 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,520 Well, you came and you gave without taking 3 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:09,760 But I sent you away 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,640 Oh, Mandy 5 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:16,760 Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,080 And I need you today 7 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,640 Oh, Mandy. 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,960 This programme contains some strong language 9 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,200 HEADPHONES: Don't Tell My Heart by The Marcy Brothers 10 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,280 SHE PANTS 11 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,120 What are you reading? Guinness Book Of Records. 12 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:54,800 Ah, 400 pages of the greatest people to ever walk God's green earth. 13 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,560 What do you think, Mandy, could we make it into its hallowed pages? 14 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,560 Oh, Lol, it's not the likes of us. I mean, look at this. 15 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,840 Ayanna Williams, longest fingernail. 16 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,800 Brian Scriven grew big pumpkin. 17 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,840 Michael Lotito ate a plane. 18 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,800 I mean, these people are gods, Olympians, 19 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,600 done something with their lives. 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,400 There must be something. 21 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,640 Fired most times in one day? 22 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,000 No, there's a woman in Peterborough, I checked. 23 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,680 No, Lol, I'm not a record-breaker. 24 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,960 I am a line dancer, though, 25 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,160 and I'm going to win the local line dance endurance competition. 26 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,160 Have you been practising? Practising?! 27 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,680 I've done 22 hours straight through. 28 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,080 That is amazing, but what if you want to go to the toilet? 29 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,960 I've got a secret. 30 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,400 Adult nappies. 31 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,200 Mandy Carter, I think you might be a genius. 32 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,200 I might start wearing them day to day, actually, 33 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,680 you save so much time. 34 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,800 But what about food? Are you allowed to eat? 35 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,760 You're allowed to have someone throw you a bottle of pop or a mini roll 36 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,640 while you're dancing but other than that, 37 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,320 you're not allowed to stop, even for, like, two seconds. 38 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,440 It sounds like an incredible test of human endurance. 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,040 Have you done this kind of competition before? 40 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,600 Actually, I went on Touch The Truck once with my mate Susan Blower. 41 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,080 What is Touch The Truck? 42 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,920 Touch The Truck was a TV show where you have to touch the truck. 43 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:19,080 The person who touches the truck longest win the truck. 44 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,600 Out! 45 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,080 It sounds complicated. 46 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,840 I'll never forget the day - 15th of March 2001... 47 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,840 Looks like it's just you and me, Sues. Yeah. 48 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,240 You know, Mandy, whatever happens, we're still friends. 49 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,280 Do you mean that? Course I do. 50 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,680 This is just a game. 51 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,520 Friendship's too important. 52 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,120 Argh! 53 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,560 Oh, my God! 54 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,440 Oh, my God, what's wrong? 55 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,480 I think I'm having a heart attack. 56 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,120 Medic! 57 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,960 Mandy, please, please help me. 58 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,320 It's so dark. Oh, it's going so dark. 59 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,960 Oh, my God! So dark... 60 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,360 So cold. 61 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,160 Susan, stay with me! 62 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,560 I'm all right now, Mandy. I'm all right. 63 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,480 You fucking div! 64 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,400 WHISTLE 65 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,400 Out! 66 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,120 You'll never amount to anything, Mandy Carter. 67 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,200 Ha-ha-ha! 68 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,760 Never amount to anything. Mandy, don't say that. 69 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,600 Some people just aren't meant to amount to anything. 70 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,760 What if everyone amounted to something, 71 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,000 then amounting to something wouldn't be special. 72 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,960 Your constant failure allows other people to shine. 73 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,560 That's very sweet of you, Lol, but... 74 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,800 ..I'm going to prove Susan Blower wrong. 75 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,360 I'm going to amount to something. 76 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,400 I'm going to win the local line dance endurance competition. 77 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:04,400 MUSIC: Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus 78 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,360 DOORBELL 79 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,320 DOORBELL 80 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,120 Who the bloody hell's that? 81 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,440 Susan Blower, as I live and breathe. 82 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,000 Hiya, Mandy. What are you doing back? 83 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,240 You're not going to do the local line dance endurance competition, are you? 84 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,680 What? No. 85 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,680 You ruined my life after Touch The Truck. 86 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,000 Look, I've come to apologise. 87 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,840 You'd better come in. 88 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,920 I'm a bit down on my luck, actually. 89 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,760 I've got nowhere to stay. 90 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,360 I heard you'd gone to the Peak District to start a new life. 91 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,440 I heard you got a hot tub. I did. 92 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,640 It's all gone to shit now, though. 93 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,000 I don't want to talk about it. 94 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,560 Please, I wouldn't ask if I weren't desperate. 95 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,560 It's just for a few nights. 96 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,000 Why don't you stay in your truck, 97 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,600 the truck you won on Touch The Truck? 98 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,120 It's gone. 99 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,760 It's all gone. 100 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,720 I want to make it up to you. I'm not sure, Susan. 101 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,640 Come on, Mandy! It'll be like old times. 102 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,440 PHONE VIBRATES 103 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,400 Hello? Hiya, Lola, can you book me in for a clip and a buff 104 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,320 on Thursday at two o'clock? 105 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,320 Of course, darling. Hey, you'll never guess who's back. Who? 106 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:36,760 Susan Blower. 107 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,600 The same Susan Blower you were only talking about yesterday? 108 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,640 That's weird. 109 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,400 She apologised for being such a knobhead on Touch The Truck. 110 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,240 I've let her stay in my small back bedroom 111 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,840 while she's getting back on her feet. 112 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,520 That's very generous of you, Mandy. 113 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,960 Well, everyone deserves a second chance 114 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,400 and I honestly think she's changed this time. 115 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,640 Hiya. Hiya. 116 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,040 Is that my top? 117 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,960 And my boots? 118 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,480 Yeah, you don't mind, do you? All my stuff's in the wash. 119 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,880 No. 120 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,520 No, that's fine. 121 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,160 Have you seen my Dairylea Dunkers? 122 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,880 No. 123 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:29,400 There were three packets in here. No. Maybe you imagined them. 124 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,800 Is that Dairylea Dunker on your face? No. 125 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,640 Looks like Dairylea Dunker. 126 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,760 It's moisturiser. 127 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,360 You all right, Mandy? 128 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,480 Maybe you're training too hard, 129 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,200 maybe this dancing competition is getting to you, 130 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,880 perhaps you should sit this one out. 131 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,640 What do you mean? Well, it's not worth it, is it? 132 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,200 It's a silly little dancing competition. 133 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,040 What's more important is your mental health. 134 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,680 This town ain't big enough for the both of us 135 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,240 And it ain't me who's gonna leave. 136 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,840 I had to come here. I don't know what's real any more. 137 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,560 I keep thinking about Dairylea Dunkers. 138 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,720 Did she eat them? Do Dairylea Dunkers exist even? 139 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,000 I mean, a tiny pot of cheese next to a larger pot with breadsticks in it, 140 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,920 when you say it out loud, it sounds mental. 141 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,080 Susan has been such a great friend to you, Mandy. 142 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,360 I feel like she's stealing my identity. 143 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,760 Maybe she's doing that thing that people do these days. What thing? 144 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,200 Gas-lamping. You mean tea-lighting? I don't know, something like that. 145 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,120 People do it on Twitter all the time. 146 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,360 Mandy, darling, you sound paranoid. 147 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,880 Maybe Susan is right, maybe the training is getting to you. 148 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,560 Hang on, I never told you that. 149 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,080 How do? What are you doing here? 150 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,120 Said I'd show Lola my ceramic frogs. 151 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,000 Is that a euphemism? Hey? 152 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,480 No! 153 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,040 What have you done to your hair? Oh. 154 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,960 Just thought I'd try something different. 155 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:06,360 This is exactly like Face/Off, except we haven't swapped faces. 156 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,440 Hang on, what nail colour is that? 157 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,880 This? This is minty pig. Minty pig! 158 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,680 She picked it out on the colour wheel, what could I do? 159 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,200 Should have seen this coming. 160 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,800 Fool me once, shame on you, 161 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,000 fool me twice, that's... 162 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,560 ..not on. 163 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,560 SUSAN CHUCKLES 164 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:25,240 No, no. Don't get upset over a bit of friendly competition. 165 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,040 Talking of which... 166 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,720 ..I'm thinking of entering that line dancing endurance contest after all. 167 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,520 Right, we're out of the bog roll. 168 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,360 If you want, pick some up on the way home. 169 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:38,040 I've got to go now cos I'm bidding on a new frog on eBay 170 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,640 and there's 35 other bidders. 171 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,440 Bye, Lola. 172 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,040 See you later, dickhead! 173 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,680 Mandy, I'm so... You're dead to me! 174 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,760 I feel bad about minty pig. 175 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,400 Look, I'm going to show you something now, Mandy, 176 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,880 something I have never shown anyone else before. 177 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,200 Oh, my God, what is it? Something I think will help you win. 178 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,880 DRUMS BEAT 179 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,480 It's my lucky voodoo head. 180 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,920 Has it been in your family for generations? 181 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,440 No, I got it off Exchange & Mart two days ago. 182 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,840 What am I supposed to do with it? Hang on, it came with instructions. 183 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,320 Step one, gaze into the eyes of the voodoo head. 184 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,200 Oh, I'm scared, Lola. What if we unleash something. 185 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,720 Step two, name your foe. 186 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,440 Susan bloody Blower. 187 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,360 Step three, tell the head what you want 188 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,280 and you must be specific. 189 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,000 I want to be the last one standing 190 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,640 at the local line dance endurance competition. 191 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,760 DRUMMING INTENSIFIES 192 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,400 SCREECHING AND GROWLING 193 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,080 Nothing's happening. 194 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,240 So much for the dark arts. 195 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,000 No, the only way I'm going to win this competition, Lola, 196 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,240 is through hard work and determination, 197 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,360 and a shit-ton of mini rolls. 198 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,880 You got the mini rolls? 199 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,160 Right here. Great. 200 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,960 Let's do this. Ladies and gentlemen, will the remaining dancers 201 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,520 please make their way downstairs? 202 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,400 We are about to begin. 203 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,840 The prize will go to the last line dancer standing. 204 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,440 And remember you must keep your thumbs in your belt hoops 205 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,360 at all times, 206 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,560 otherwise, you are disqualified. 207 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,480 OK, good luck, everyone. Positions, please. 208 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,640 And here we go. 209 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,200 HORN BLARES 210 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,400 MUSIC: Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus 211 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:11,400 You can tell the world you never was my girl 212 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,360 You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone 213 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,120 Oh, you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been 214 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,000 And laugh and joke about me on the phone 215 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:27,200 You can tell my arms go back to the farm 216 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,800 You can tell my feet to hit the floor 217 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,400 Or you can tell my lips... 218 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,000 Lola, water! 219 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,040 Ooh! 220 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,920 You're disqualified, off you go. 221 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,480 Off you go. 222 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,440 And if you tell my heart My achy breaky heart... 223 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,480 MUSIC FADES OUT 224 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,840 MUSIC: Man! I Feel Like A Woman! by Shania Twain 225 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,320 Disqualified. 226 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,480 Disqualified. Go on, off you go. 227 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,680 MUSIC FADES 228 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,160 MUSIC: Good Time by Alan Jackson 229 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,960 Out. 230 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,640 You're disqualified, off you go. 231 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,840 So are you, love, disqualified. 232 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,480 I don't care, belt loops, go. 233 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,880 MUSIC FADES 234 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,040 MUSIC: Potential New Boyfriend by Dolly Parton 235 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,680 Better keep your hands off my 236 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,360 Better keep your hands off my 237 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,440 Better keep your hands off my potential new boyfriend 238 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,520 Building up an appetite 239 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,320 You can look but you can't buy... 240 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,440 There you go. Disqualified. 241 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,480 Ah, yes, you're disqualified. 242 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,520 MUSIC: Boot Scootin' Boogie by Brooks & Dunn 243 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,640 What's happened here? Right disqualified. 244 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,040 You're disqualified too. Hello? 245 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,800 Off you go. 246 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,400 I told you you'd never amount to anything. 247 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:09,280 Yeah, Cadillac, blackjack, baby, meet me out back... 248 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,040 Come on, Mandy. 249 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,280 Mini roll! Mini roll! 250 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,920 I just don't think he'd understand 251 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,680 And if you tell my heart 252 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,760 My achy breaky heart 253 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,240 He might blow up and kill this man... 254 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,160 DISCORDANT CLANG 255 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,400 SHOCKED GASPS 256 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:47,280 Have I won? Have I won? I've won, haven't I? 257 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,240 Mandy Carter is the last contestant standing. 258 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,240 In your face, Susan Blower! In your face! 259 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,520 But as you've just taken your thumbs out of your belt loops, 260 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,640 you are automatically disqualified, therefore, 261 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:05,640 Susan Blower wins the award, God rest her soul. 262 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,040 Mini rolls! 263 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,040 DRUMS BEAT 264 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,360 We need to get rid of this head before it consumes us all. 265 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,120 Gone. 266 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,120 MAN GRUNTS 267 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,040 It's over now. It cannot hurt anyone any more. 268 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,160 DOG WHINES 18745

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