Original subtitles

[Music]

oh dang

machine hey guys I know you're over

there at your new house and your brand

new kitchen but I know how much van

loves my

pancakes anyway so if you guys are

hungry could come over and eat with me

cuz I made a whole batch and there's not

anybody here to eat

them anyway Elizabeth if you hear this

honey I miss you so much grandma loves

you and she come see me pretty

please he Bye Mom they were here for

dinner last

night oh such a nice

dinner Hey empty nester jeez she still

has two other kids that live here yeah

whatever you need to tell yourself

kid so Barbara Jean to what do I owe

this intrusion Reba I need some help

through her words were never spoken

wait a minute is this about the divorce

bar I do not want to be involved with

your divorce I just want to come to the

Afterparty that's

it well I was involved in your divorce

you kind of owe

me and listen all I need is a little

information okay I need you to give me

the name of Brock's best friend best

friend why well I need somebody he

confides in you know I need to know what

he's truly feeling deep inside that

unnaturally tanned skull of his sorry

can't help you on that Brock doesn't

have a best friend yes he does

who oh no no no no no no it Rea face it

forget it Barb jeene he's my ex he's not

my best friend well obviously he's not

your best friend I

am but you are his best friend which

puts you smack dab in the middle of us

which makes you the perfect person to

talk to him pass I already talked to him

about one divorce I have the frame

certificate to prove

it you talk to him I can't things are in

a really weird place with us right now

when we went on that date to discuss the

details of the divorce things got a

little bit heated and then they just

got

hot you're up

and we know we shouldn't have done it

and we certainly shouldn't have done it

three times

since I can't wait for old age when I go

deaf any who I think all of

the has really confused

Brock barbaran are you sure it's Brock

that's confused and not you me

no I'm fine thank you very much I am

strong and I have no problems expressing

my emotions you're forgetting I have a

Blog it's big blond blog.com you should

check it

out so you'll talk to him no maybe think

about it I will hurt

you all I'm saying is that if You' come

to me when you and Brock were breaking

up and you asked me to talk to him I

would have done it you were sleeping

with him well that's the perfect

time I had his

[Applause]

[Music]

ear RS are planted in the past oh my

life is changing fast who I am is who I

want to

be a single mom who works too hard who

loves her kids and never stop

with gentle hands in the heart of a

fire I'm a

[Music]

surviv b what are you doing I am

standing proudly in my living room I

thought we talked about that earlier

when you were standing proudly on the

front lawn in your

boxers it was a bathing suit cheyen the

people next door have a pool and I want

them to know I have a bathing

suit isn't this a wonderful country

Cheyenne where a man can work hard and

live his life right and he can go from

sharing a room in his mother-in-law's

house to owning a little piece of land

technically owned by the bank but who

cares come stand with me

woman man I am so proud of us and I love

our

house man

Cheyenne wow your mother lives miles

away but her voice

carries knock knock it's me hey look

cheyen it's your mom a third day in a

row with the drop by

awesome well I have a lot more time on

my hands nowadays without you guys there

at the house there's just less to

do apparently you two were the messy

ones yeah

looks like things haven't changed I'll

go get my

broom van I know that she stops by a lot

but she's just here to help us yeah I

know I know do you want me to tell her

to not come by so often it's okay no

because I will van I will no no it's

okay I'm fine with it well I'm not she's

driving me

crazy thank God okay how do we get rid

of her I know we'll talk to her in a

mocking tone people hate that okay

van that is not going to work okay man

you're not going to

work knock it off Van knock it

off sorry I took so long let's just say

that your partially Sage Rosemary and

time are in

order hey um so Mom I I I kind of I I

wanted to to talk to you about

something what's the matter oh it's just

when you said that

it reminded me how many talks that we've

had over at my house and now here we are

having talks in your new

house my little girl's not a baby

anymore she's all grown

up I did

good hey sorry I'm late I was over at

van and cheyen I was just going to pop

in for a second but they would not let

me

leave they are so clingy

yeah I read that on barbar Jean's

blog where are you going I have to go

pick up Dad he's at Sam sports bar I'm

his designated driver you mean to tell

me that he's making you drive all the

way back and forth to pick him up why

didn't he just take a cab did you know

that a cab costs 75 cents a mile dad

does besides I think he just uses it as

an excuse to trap me in the car and talk

about Barbara Jean honey that is not not

a fatherdaughter

conversation that's something that he

should talk about with his best

friend you're

right have a nice

chat I am not his

crap so it's finally starting to sink in

I'm getting divorced again you know you

get divorced the first time you think

hey these things happen then when it

happens again you just you have to ask

yourself what is wrong with these

women oh I wouldn't sit there lady two

time

loser I know I was number

one hello Brock hey Reba what are you

doing down here well I'm your designated

driver's designated driver and two I

don't feel good about here driving you

home with you singing all my live in

Texas at the top of your

[Laughter]

lungs you know what Rea I really don't

need a lecture from you right now I got

a lot going

on want I get you something to drink

lady no I'm fine thank you oh man it's

all so weird I mean Barbara Jean and I

have been all over the map you know

first we're crying and then we're

fighting and then we can't keep our

hands off of each

other whiskey

it's all so confusing well of course it

is one minute you're okay with it and

she's not and the next minute she's okay

with it and you're not you guys got to

get on the same page with this divorce

or it's never going to work I'm sorry

what can I do reeba I can't change what

happened in fact I'm not sure that I'd

want to I mean Barbara Jean and I were

like wild

animals repeatedly hit me again it was

like a National Geographic SP

leave the

bottle hey you know what barber Jean's

on right

now so um how does the rest of the

weekend weather look like we're looking

at Clear Blue Skies possibly through the

weekend that's what I wanted to hear

taking the wife up to the cabin keep

those romantic fires burning oh that's

lovely it's always nice to hear of a

couple that's making it work well we are

of course we know Tim and U but you know

you never you never know when there

could be a story coming you got to be

careful well that's okay too we can

always cuddle by the fire or lay down

and listen to the rain outside yeah but

you know sometimes the storm's on the

inside you know and it's just kind of

you know in they're screaming at you you

know look out you know well your life's

falling apart right well I'll be sure to

bring a

sweater baby maybe you should just ask

your wife if if she wants to go to your

cabin you know I mean maybe there's

something else you'd rather do but you

you don't even ask her because you don't

think that her life is as important as

yours did my wife talk to you shut up

Tim I'm not talking about your stupid

wife I'm talking about my stupid husband

he wants a divorce and I don't know if I

do so hot in

[Applause]

here she looks like I need a

drink watching my wife unravel in front

of all those people has made me realize

something

I still have a

chance Rock do you mean to tell me that

you're happy barbar jeene just had a

meltdown on TV no I'm not happy She's

suffering reeba I'm happy She's

suffering because of

me you really are a piece of porpus

poop no don't you see she knows that I

watch her weather report she was sending

me a message why didn't she just call

you well she had a show to do she a

professional I still have hope RBA there

is time to save this marriage here you

go hey Brock I hope it works out I

really do thanks Rea hey do you think I

have time to stop and grab a quick tan

cuz no what am I saying there's no time

can I get you anything else no thanks

I'm

fine hey Kira can you come get your mama

[Music]

man it's freezing in here it's a

thermostat even on No don't touch that

don't touch that the inspector said he

needs to fix the heater before we use it

well F how am I supposed to keep

warm well we can make our own heat like

the pioneers and astronauts

did I like the way you think yeah knock

knock oh

you will not believe what just happened

I was at this bar with your dad and we

were watching Barbera Jean give her

weather report and she had a meltdown on

the air don't worry she's okay but I

just know that she's going to want to

come over to the house and tell me all

about it you know how she gets she just

talks and talks and talks on and on and

on gee what's that like oh it's horrible

I can tell you that anyway I just wanted

to know if I could come over here and

hide out

look who I'm talking to of course I can

come over here and hide out well

actually mom you know van and I we were

just um we were just in the middle of

unpacking oh that's perfect I can help

and I've got the perfect unpacking story

it was when your father and I bought our

first house look Mrs H you have been so

generous to me and I owe you so so much

which is why I'm going to have Cheyenne

say this hurtful thing to you

Cheyenne what are you talking about well

look Mom it's just that you've kind of

you know been over at the house a lot a

lot a lot like more than

me fan do you agree with that well I

think there is a nice way of saying it

but yes I

do look look look Mrs S I just think

that you know you didn't realize how

annoying it was getting I mean just like

Barbara Jean doesn't realize how

annoying it is when she does it to you

you know it's funny if you think about

it you're our Barber

Jean what did you just call

me what Mom it's not your fault I mean

maybe you've just hung out with her so

much that she just like rubbed off on

you well you could not be more

wrong and I'm going to prove it to

you I'm going to do something that

Barbara Jean would never

do I'm going to leave and never come

back and you're going to miss me when

I'm

[Applause]

gone after all I've done for those two

Dopey kids they have the nerve the

downright nerve to say I am their Barber

Jean well was I their Barber Jee when I

let him live here six years

rentree was I was I Jake no no you

weren't and the worst part is when they

said that my stories go on and on so

long I mean do I go on and on about

stuff Jake I mean do I I don't think so

hey you know what I just

remembered I've got to go decide what I

want to be when I grow

up just remember this Jake one of these

days you're going to miss me when I'm

gone who are you yelling at it doesn't

matter who I'm yelling at I just feel

like yelling and since you're in the

room guess what yeah I don't have time

for that right now listen about this

Barbara Jean thing oh oh so you've heard

about it too huh well get this through

your thick skull I am not there Barber

Jean what are you talking

about apparently something totally

different than what you're talking

about yeah well anyway I went down to

the station but Barbara jeene had

already left in tears and apparently the

phones were ringing off the hook I think

she may lose her job over this are you

smiling no yes you are no what's the

matter with you I I can't help thinking

that she may need me again I mean this

might be the very thing that brings us

back together do you think that's

possible how would I know I'm nothing

like her yeah I

know you do yeah of course you're

nothing like Barbara Jean in fact you

are exactly the opposite of Barbara Jean

oh my gosh I can't believe that was

yelling at

you when you're my only true

friend Rea oh hey Brock Barbara jeene I

don't know what to say I I just want you

to know that I am I am here for you

forget about those people that's their

loss whose loss what are you talking

about barene we saw the broadcast yeah

and then I went down to the station I

guess there was quite a reaction from

the viewers I know did you hear that

half of them think I should be thrown

off the air I'm sorry and the other half

Loved

Me come again yeah I'm controversial and

controversial is Big right now my clip

has already been posted on YouTube under

bimbo

bloopers so does that mean you're not

going to be fired from the station are

you kidding I'm hot I got a call from a

real talent agent I'm his first

two-legged client

[Applause]

[Music]

well that's great then right oh it is

better than great oh thank you Brock oh

you're welcome honey you know if you

hadn't made my life so painful and and

confusing and just tumultuous is never

would have happened this divorce is the

best thing that has ever happened to

me oh well glad I could help

[Music]

bab's

here yeah yeah how many hits have I

gotten well I don't care if they're all

from

inmates I'm sorry Brock no no that's

okay I guess I finally ended up

supporting her career

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

but before the weather how was that

weekend with your wife up at the cabin I

don't want to talk about it oh come on

now we have a little extra time you can

share nope how was the weather cold very

very

cold great and now the weather first of

all I would just like to say hello to

all my new viewers

and for those of you who missed Friday's

report but heard about it I just want to

say that I'm real sorry that you missed

it and I am doing much

better you

know I mean it's you know as good as a

person can be doing you know when when

when her life is

crumbling tighter shot please Dennis

over

here and I would just like to say that

to anyone out there who is dealing with

personal pain that you know even though

the storm clouds they may gather you

know there's there's always a silver

lining soaked in tears

[Applause]