Original subtitles

[Music]

simple game Jake you just kicked the

ball into the net I did yeah right into

the other team's net well I got confused

because you were yelling at me I was

yelling wrong net wrong net wrong net

guys guys Co it you didn't even let us

have our fruit rollups and Juice you're

the worst coach ever yeah well you

probably would have kicked the snacks

into the other team's mouth

fan look mom just got back from the

doctor's office and her blood pressure

is like super high she cannot have any

stress keep your voice down that kid is

an embarrassment do you hear what I'm

saying stop

[Laughter]

yelling shine didn't I just tell you I

need peace and quiet yeah shine what's

wrong with

you sorry M I know that you need to

relax how about you have a nice hot bath

okay I'm going to go up and take my bath

and while I'm in there I'm going to

listen to the relaxation sounds that my

doctor put on my little iPod here oh I

listened to one of those once that was

the sounds of a very calming rainstorm I

fell asleep and then I peed

myself life is good life is calm

and relax one two happy happy three four

all is

great are planted in the past my life is

changing fast who I am is who I want to

be a single mom who works too hard who

loves her kids who never stops with

gentle hands and the Heart of a

figh I'm a

[Music]

surv I'm all tense from that soccer game

hey how about we go upstairs and you

give me a back rub van you know that

always leads to something yeah I know

why you want to skip the backr

[Music]

what is an orange Manatee doing in my

shower oh yeah I knew there was

something I was supposed to tell you

dad's in your shower well then call

SeaWorld he's going

back Mr H has been staying in the garage

for the past few days the only way he's

staying in the garage is if a car is

running here Rea sorry about that bet

that brought back some memories though

huh almost brought back my

lunch a come on the old Fell's age

pretty well don't you think yeah that's

what happens when you soak something in

[Applause]

alcohol come on Chey and let's go you

know I'm not giving you a backrub don't

worry the urge has

passed so is it true you're living in my

garage yeah I been sleeping on the

pullout couch Barbara Jean and I are

taking a little break she thinks I'm on

a business trip why don't you stay at a

hotel well if I stay at a hotel that

makes it real this way we can have a

little break without it being such an

official separation why don't you just

admit that you're

cheap I am not cheap I just don't happen

to believe that a room service waiter

automatically deserves

12% look Rea really things are bad with

Barbara Jean and me but I'm trying I am

really I am come on let me stay in the

garage just a couple of more days please

Brock I am under strict orders to keep

my blood pressure at a minimum and

you're not helping one

bit Jake nice kick next time try to hit

the

ball the

ball the the black and white never

mind re Rea remember I'm out of town hey

hey Barb je Brock's out of town and

Henry's staying with Nana so I got bored

and I baked you a cake happy Tuesday

Reba it's

Wednesday happy

Reba so Brock's out of town huh yeah

Reba can I confide in you is it

something embarrassing and personal

about Brock yes

yes it's just he is just such a big baby

you know every time we have a little

problem he goes on a business trip I

mean the guy's a dentist there are

plenty of rotten teeth in

Houston you know I'd say he's been

hanging out at hotels you know except

he's so

cheap so tell me more about his

cheapness I mean I could go on forever

the guy once tried to buy half a box of

Girl Scout

cookies yeah he's cheap and vain too huh

yeah he is yeah one time I caught him

looking at himself in the mirror and he

was saying enough about you let's talk

about

me well hang in there barar Jean for my

experience you just never know when

Brock might pop up you know what's weird

weben

he's not even in town and I can still

smell

him it's like this weird mixture of

cocoa butter and

[Music]

feet wow man that's amazing thanks

[Applause]

what are you doing I'm trying to think

of a way to fix my team and being a

brilliant coach I did I have come up

with a plan that is going to change

their entire attitude and turn us from

losers into

winners what's the plan I'm cutting Jake

from the team what no van you cannot cut

Jake from the team I have to his rotten

attitude is infecting the entire team he

is the Terrell Owens of pre-teen

soccer he's also a member of your family

not by

Blood Cheyenne when we have our son that

kid will be athletic and have awesome

eyebrows like his

dad he will be well and

[Applause]

brow van what do you think Mom's going

to say when Jake tells her that you cut

him from the team Cheyenne I can't coach

constantly worrying about the

owner hey buddy I think we need to talk

yeah we do Cheyenne this is official

team business so thank you thank you

thank

you Jake look I'm just going to come

right out with it cuz we're both adults

well you're not an adult but let's

pretend you are and just get on with it

okay okay okay you're fired

what' you say I said you're

[Laughter]

fired uh Jake you you you can't fire me

it's not just me it's the whole team

what are you stupid kids

crazy the parents won't stand for this

it was the parents idea oh so it's a

coup huh huh some psycho dad took my

coaching job who is it it's not a dad oh

man is it one of Jimmy's two moms

it's not a parent then who is

it hey man tough

break fine you can take my team you can

take my job but you can never ever take

my dignity

[Music]

what are you doing oh I was just uh

getting a blanket out of the closet yeah

the garage only gets so warm even with

the dryer open and

running you know how to make it

warmer turn on the

car or you could go home to your house

you know what Rea this is way more

complicated than you think okay then

I'll make it simple for you go home to

your wife I can't she thinks I'm out of

town W you just tell her the truth you

know

Reva I'm one of those people who

actually believes that the truth

imprisons

you plus no matter what I say to Barbara

gen it causes a fight then just be with

her don't

speak not a bad rule of thumb for you by

the

way you know you do smell like cocoa

butter and feet

[Music]

Rea open

up no Brock go home to your wife I did I

need your help oh my gosh what is

it she shot me

[Music]

oh my gosh did you call the doctor did

you call 911 no no no she shot me with a

paintball gun oh and it hurts like hell

I'm going to have a big boo boo

tomorrow call the cops there was an

intruder at our house that was me you

what are you doing here I thought you

were out of

town I switched my flight from Austin so

I could come back and check on you I

didn't even care about the extra cost

and believe me it was

substantial

Austin you said you were in

Dallas I got a connecting flight from

Austin a connecting flight from

Dallas that's a 45 minute flight from

here to there why would you

connect why connect why connect why not

connect

okay what is going on here what is going

on here what is going on what is going

on here okay re you think you can help

me out can I help you out oh God Bless

America somebody start

talking okay Brock I think it's time you

use the t word yes yes T everybody loves

a nice hot cup of tea okay who takes

honey BR tell her the truth fine

I wasn't in Austin I've been staying in

Reba's

garage well isn't that cozy every time

something goes bad you go run into to

your ex-wife and you I mean is that why

you wouldn't let me stay in your garage

you had your little jiggalo stash

there oh yeah Barbara Jean every night I

dream about waking up in the arms of my

manate again

well don't I feel like an idiot Barbera

Jean no Brock and next time I got 200

rounds and I'm aiming

low that one

will looks like you're stuck with me for

another couple of day no no more no you

have to go talk to her from your heart

tell her what your feeling I'm a guy I

don't know what I'm

feeling then talk to her tell her that

and then you could start mending all the

things that are wrong Rock if we' have

done that maybe we would have had a

chance I don't know re I think maybe I

should stay here one more

night Brock

honey the gun I own doesn't shoot

paint come on make my day

Kira as the coach Kira I mean what's her

philosophy of sports hey kids soccer is

important but life itself is

meaningless that was the greatest game

ever oh my gosh you guys won nope we got

murdered 11 to nothing I think it was 13

Coach 13 to nothing in soccer how many

did you score for him two that's how I

got sned act from both

teams Kira you can't let them lose like

that those psycho parents will tear to

Pieces thanks for the advice oh uh tell

Mom I won't be home for dinner cuz some

of those psycho parents want to take me

out for

sushi you see that she's turned them

from losers into Happy

losers man they're kids and May maybe

your coaching style is a little too

intense oh that's ridiculous you know

what when we have our son that's when I

need to coach well maybe your coaching

style is a little too intense for our

son too why do you keep saying I'm too

intense I want to show you something

okay I taped the game from last

week here we go here we go get it going

get it going no no no no no no no no no

come on baby k k k k k

k what are you

doing what do you think this this A

blank Adventure what are you doing pal

[Applause]

a

wow yeah yeah that's a little bit

much it's weird that's my father nope no

I I had the camera it was

you no I know it's me but that the way I

was acting that's my father that's the

way my dad coached me my whole life oh

man that's so sad that's not sad that's

why I'm so good at

sports yeah and it also is probably why

you know probably why what well why you

hate your dad I don't hate my dad I just

you know I don't I don't talk to him or

call him or think about him oh my gosh I

hate my my dad and now I'm turning into

him Cheyenne I don't want my will and

brow son to hate me calm down he's not

going to hate

you he's going to love you okay because

no matter whether he's good or bad at

anything we are always going to be good

at loving him

okay okay and you're not going to coach

any of his

games I can't believe I didn't realize

it I was turning into my dad when did

you realize you were turned into your

mom well no never because I'm not

turning into my mom no I know you

already

did okay you know what I am not turning

into my mom you

do you realize what you just

said crap

[Music]

by a crossbow oh I did I did a small one

oh hey

REO well look at you too new bullet

holes or fresh paint well you know it

wasn't really comfortable being honest

with each other but it really did work

we just needed to talk things out yeah

and we did we did we stayed up all night

and we put all of our problems on the

table we were completely truthful and

you were right

it did set us free well I hate to say it

but when I'm right I'm right and even

when I'm kind of wrong I'm still kind of

right well this time you were right

right good we're getting a

divorce thanks for making us

talk that's not what I meant when I said

the talk I meant work it out yeah well

look we're not thrilled about this

either but it seemed like it was the

only thing we could do to stop the pain

yeah it didn't used to be like like this

we used to have fun we were just

reminiscing about all that and you know

all the good times we had

and you know I

just I really think it's for the best

you know and I couldn't be

happier I can't wait for

court Brock you can't let this happen

you know what

I'm going to go check into a

hotel I I really do think this is for

the

best you're not such a great liar

anymore

Brock yeah I

know I miss those

[Music]

days now I'm never going to be able to

relax

oh

well here we go here we go get it going

get it going no no no no no no no no

no come on baby what are you

doing you think this this a blind

convention what are you doing pal

everything you do is to whistle a little

bit go

[Laughter]

[Music]

now I'm really relaxed