Original subtitles

[Music]

hey Rea hey Brock how are you oh that's

right we're divorced I don't

care let me ask you something what was

the most romantic thing I did in our

marriage

leave that's funny because it's

true yeah come on look I need to up the

romance with Barbara Jean and I'm coming

up blank do what you did with me leave

love you for it

later serious Rea things have been a

little rough between that's what with

her losing all the weight and getting

hired as a weather girl and me

being well

me oh goodness gracious Brock why didn't

you come to me sooner oh that's right

we're divorced I don't care

oh hey Daddy hey honey mom can I talk to

you for a second honey I'm kind of

eating right now yo I'm kind of pregnant

and this is an emotional em

see okay what is it Mom I overheard

everything Poor Dad you have got to help

him turn up the heat with Barbara Jean

no I don't yes you do that man in there

he is a part of our family okay and he

needs our help and I don't think it is

too much for us to all just get along

and and love one another and not break

up so this world could be a happy place

for me to raise my children in do you

think that's okay for you can you do

that for me can you do that for my baby

wow you really are pregnant aren't

you oh okay I'll do it I'll

help Brock wait I'll

[Music]

more you'll what

help seriously yeah give me a little bit

of time and I'll come up with something

that'll knock the socks off that giant

wife of yours oh wow thanks

Cheyenne my are planted in the past oh

my life is changing fast who I am is who

I want to

be single mom who works too hard who

loves her kids and never stops with G

hands and the Heart of a

f I'm a surviv

[Music]

ever hey van I'm clearing out the garage

where do you want this box that says

Kira do not

touch you're not supposed to be in the

garage that's my office didn't you see

the computer and desk I put out there

Jake put a poster of Bambi in his closet

doesn't make it

Disneyland Mrs H Kira seems to think

that she can just Waltz into our garage

SL office and move her on our stuff SL

junk punish

her man I told her she could her band

shooting the video and Kelly Clarkson

has the kitchen

booked but that's my office share the

space but I need

privacy I go into my office to get into

the Zone once I'm in the zone the magic

happens no office no zone no zone no

magic no magic no money no shoes no

shirt no

service that's a lock here that's not

funny van Kira is living here now just

work something else out well fine maybe

I'll go to Kira's room and move her

stuff around I put a do not disturb sign

on the

door dang

it Kira honey can't you just shoot your

video over in your dad's garage you

can't run the lights in the tanning

booth at the same

time hey Rea so did you think of

something to help me romance barar Jean

yes I did you know I thought about

getting into barar Jean's head but you

know me I hate

cobwebs so this is what I came up

with first get a babysitter for Henry so

you guys can have more time alone then

hide some flowers around the house so

that every time she turns a corner she

gets a beautiful

surprise next draw her a bubble bath

light some candles throw some chocolates

on the pillows you see where I'm going

here that's it candy and flowers I could

have gotten that from watching The

View what do you want from me Brock I

don't know something original something

that will wow her well that shouldn't be

too difficult just give her some

something shiny dangle her keys in front

of

her come on Rea I'm under a lot of

pressure here especially since

especially since what well in two days

I'm going to Vegas for a dental

convention are you kidding me you're

asking me to help butter up your wife so

you can run off for a week of Poker and

strip clubs it's a business trip I play

poker to network and most strippers

don't have have dental

insurance well you know what you're on

your own I can't drag you two steps

forward when you're slamming the brakes

in Reverse no no no come on Rea I'm

serious about this look Barbara Jean and

I have never been this distant before

then cancel your trp I can't I've got

tickets for Sig

freed fine but this is my last shot take

it or leave

it pick a happy moment from your

marriage could be an anniversary or a

special night out and recreate

it that is not half bad yeah and if that

doesn't work just make sure you have

your

[Applause]

[Music]

keys he then

yeah what's

up can I get your autograph for some

kids at school oh sure buddy they

remember the old vanster huh fast as

Lightning agile as a kitty

cat this isn't really about football

it's about your thing on YouTube my

thing on who what kir posted a video of

you getting in the zone everyone at

school's talking about

it get the zone

hi my name's van mcgomery big money big

money got to get in the

[Applause]

zone I'm going to sell you a

house you just got served get the Zone

here we go nah that's not it come on Van

one by one by yes these are my natural

eyebrows get it get it get it get it

you're going to Mi some money off that

onion right there

buddy house is here baby here we go you

want to smack it go ahead you want to

smack it go

ahead who is that Kira k k get out of

here I feel so violated

[Music]

hello hey whoa hey you know this reminds

me of a joke you know how many red heads

it takes to change a light bulb you know

you're getting the ball

spot how was your mission in Vegas oh it

was great you know in fact I stopped by

to thank you for pointing me in the

right direction I came up with something

terrific for Barber jeene oh can't wait

to hear all about it well you have to

promise you won't tell anyone I want

this be a big surprise oh Scouts Honor

what did your big orange head come up

with

[Laughter]

now I got my vasectomy

reversed you what yeah it's my present

for Barbara Jean I'm going to get her

pregnant this time on

purpose wow this Zig freed is a magician

isn't he

[Music]

you got your vasectomy reversed yes on

the way to the airport I was racking my

brain what would be the perfect moment

from our marriage to recreate and then

it hit me barbar jeene was happiest when

she was pregnant with Henry so I called

a specialist in Vegas snipped clip they

put me back together I am locked and

[Laughter]

loaded Brock I meant a dinner and movie

not popping out another kid no no no

it's perfect imagine how surprised

she'll be when she finds out she's

pregnant surprised you mean you're not

going to tell her no it's much more

romantic this way I mean if I say hey I

got my vasectomy reversed well that's

all about me but surprise you're

pregnant that's all about

her Brock you just don't spring a baby

on someone it's not like a scarf or a

diamond ring you can't take them back no

no no you have to discuss this with

barbar jeene first no no no I don't no

you remember how angry she was when she

found out I got a vasectomy well that's

cuz she wanted more kids and now she's

going to get her

wish is there anything you can't get

done in

Vegas hey there River Dance

you know Kira that is not funny not

funny I am a businessman and in order to

remain successful I have to project an

image of professionalism and this

yeah no matter how

sexy it doesn't look professional dude

lighten up since when did you lose your

sense of humor no I didn't lose my sense

of humor Kira I grew up and someday

you'll realize that if you don't take

yourself seriously nobody else will well

if it makes you feel any better your

video is beating the one of the cat

flushing the

[Laughter]

toilet do I look like a doofus to you

don't answer

that I'm not a doofus I'm not a doofus

I'm not a

doofus I am a professional so next time

keep me out of your stupid childish

videos you got to

okay okay I got it

okay at least I hope I got

[Music]

it sh I need to talk to

you honey are you okay oh yeah it's just

the stupid commercial about this old man

who can't go to his grandson's baseball

game because he's got a platter

condition you know what I think I'm

going to talk to someone a little less

pregnant okay oh no no no no no come on

Mom I'm fine I'm fine just tell me

what's on your

mind okay well

um honey I need some

advice I know someone who is about to

make a big mistake I mean a huge mistake

that will have a a big impact on himself

and everybody around him and I just

don't know what to do can you give me

any names no is one of the names van no

okay well whenever I'm in a situation

like that I usually ask myself what

would Mom do so my advice to you is ask

yourself what would Reba do

okay I'm not talking to you anymore oh

wait

no look the Reba that I know usually

knows deep in her heart what the right

thing to do is and she does it no matter

how painful or inconvenient it might

be

[Applause]

[Music]

crap please no one be naked

please

naked hey Bar's Brock around oh he's

around and he's about to make me feel

like a natural

woman goodh hey is there something I can

help you with I just came by to chat all

yeah well you know rib I know that you

want to be over here 24/7 but I'm

married now and my husband and I need a

little alone time am I interrupting

something I hope

so barbine this is important well I'm

sure that it can wait I'm serious so am

I red so am I bar jeene Honey who is it

oh nobody honey it's just one of those

sweet Mormons on a

bicycle are you going to let me in or

not oh okay I'll just go around to the

back door

then wow

very low Reba very

low first time in a long time Brock

shows a little hint of romance and you

decide to drop by

fastic Brock honey I'm going to go

upstairs and I'm going to put on

something a little more

revealing oh and uh Rea when I come back

downstairs I'm going to be half naked

and you don't want to see all

this get out

here Rea what are you doing here look we

got to talk you cannot do this to barar

Jean well I took a little blue pill and

I'm pretty sure I

can you cannot get her pregnant without

talking to her first it's deceitful it's

dishonest and it's just plain wrong it's

also none of your business oh yes it is

my business came my business when you

told me about it Reba you have no idea

how bad things are between us if I don't

do something to save our marriage we may

not make

it mean things are really that bad yeah

things are really that bad well go to

couple's therapy get help but not this

this is insanity look we tried all that

it didn't work now I know what I'm doing

this is the right choice for us it's not

your choice to make look barbar jeene

may be your wife but she's also my

person I

know so if you don't tell her I will

tell me what oh nothing nothing honey

you know what Rea we'll uh talk about

this later last chance you tell her or I

will tell

me what okay fine there goes the

surprise Barbara Jean honey I wanted to

do something really really special for

you

so I got my vasectomy

reversed what yeah the salmon are

swimming

Upstream you got your vasectomy reversed

surprise and and when were you going to

tell me this little surprise and when I

ended up

pregnant wow okay all right if it helps

his heart was in the right place okay

you know what don't defend him on this

wait a minute honey honey why are you so

mad I I thought that this would bring us

closer together how does lying and

deceiving bring us closer together gosh

Brock just when I think you're growing

up just when I think there is a glimmer

of hope for us you pull something like

this this was the last straw you and

your salmon can sleep on the

couch thank you rea

sorry Brock is there anything else I can

do no I think you've done enough for one

evening if it helps you ruin salmon for

me

[Applause]

do I look like a doofus to you Kira I am

not a doofus I am not a doof doofus I

Dan around like a doofus do I look like

a doofus to you Kira kir

Kira oh the girl's Got Talent you got to

hand that to

her got to go I just got this computer

back hey man how was your day fantastic

Ben you have a note taped to your back I

know I put it

there why you're not going to believe

this I'm the fun guy thanks to Kira's

videos everybody thinks I'm a big

goofball and it's working for me just

today some guy at the bus stop shouted

hey

doofus that's great because all the kids

love me they asked their parents to hire

me tomorrow I have three meetings an

open house and somebody wants me to MC a

bar

mitzvah what's a bar

mitzvah but it's like a sweet 16 party

except it's for a Jewish boy who just

turned

13 Mrs H you can say you just don't

know anyway don't tell Kira about this

or she'll stop taping me okay

hey Mom hey

honey hey you

boob mhm hello Kira now if you excuse me

I'm going to go to my office for some

business related rituals and I'd

appreciate absolute

privacy what's with him oh you've made

him famous he's the doofus

oh I don't think that one was on

purpose catch girlfriend Monday 98

Central