Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Times and stickers leave the money on the

counter.

Yeah You know Jake, I don't know if

I've ever told you this before but you

have a really great job I mean, I

really admire what you're doing Don't know what

you want Bob but the answer is no

I Don't want anything.

I've just been watching what you do here

and you're so lucky I mean you give

people pleasure.

They come to you for the things that

make them feel good newspapers candy cigarettes skin

magazine exactly the necessity It's my job or

more like that.

Hey Bob, your job's important.

You're the superintendent of a building think about

it People call you the super Mostly just

a title You solve people's problems meanwhile, I

sell candy cigarettes and porn I am their

problem But at least you get respect, you

know, I'm sure the people in your building

respect you too Bob you lazy little hairball.

What are you gonna get off your ass

and fix my damn stove?

All right.

He doesn't respect you.

At least he needs you taking a pack

of cigarettes.

He needs you more Do the money on

the counter?

Hey Reg, get out here.

We I need coffee Don't you ever get

tired of barking at me for coffee don't

you ever get tired of talking before you

give it to me Before and after Hey,

I wasn't kidding Bob, what are you gonna

fix my stove?

Hey, look I came to your apartment to

fix it last night, but it sounded like

there was a party going on So I

left I wasn't even home last night.

I was out on a date.

Okay, so we're both lying Look I forgot

about you stole you're on the list.

Yeah, I got a list to Bob and

you were on it So Becker, I didn't

know you had a date.

Oh dear.

Did I forget to clear that with the

Entertainment Committee?

So, how'd it go I took me forever

to get there I got stuck in traffic

You know, would someone please tell me why

they do construction in the middle of rush

hour for once?

Can we skip traffic and get right to

the news?

No, it was a good time, you know,

that's that's terrific.

As a matter of fact, it's the best

date I've had in quite a long time.

Oh good.

I'm happy for you.

Yeah, I'm just sorry that you got a

headache and had to leave early Okay, normal

people know this and now I'll tell you

There are no headaches on great dates that

was an excuse to leave because she was

having a terrible time Now, you don't know

what you're talking about Reg.

You were late.

Did you at least say you were sorry?

Sorry for what it wasn't my fault You

say I'm sorry to be polite You're sorry

you made her wait you're sorry you inconvenienced

her.

Yeah, I Was there you weren't, you know,

trust me.

We had a great time You had a

great time.

She had a headache Rebecca if you knew

anything at all about women you'd call her

up and you tell her you're sorry Yeah,

you know and if you knew anything about

men, you'd be home ruining your husband's life

instead of here ruining mine I'm taking a

paper here today.

Oh, Jake, may I go for it?

Leave the money on the counter?

God what a rush Morning

Margaret Just give me a minute you can

send the first one back well Well, what

don't you well what me you know very

well what?

What the Medicare forms you promised you would

have your diagnostic notes completed three days ago

Look Margaret, they're done.

I just left them back in my apartment

liar They're not done and they're still in

your office.

Oh, thank God.

I thought I'd lost them If We don't

submit the forms we don't get reimbursed which

means not only is there no money coming

in there's no Margaret coming in You coming

in here I don't even know why I

bother talking to you.

Yeah.

No Margaret.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Come back here Let me try this Hey,

uh Margaret I'm sorry What the hell kind

of answer is that Well, it was a

you know, I was trying Reggie said you

Repeatedly break your promise cover it up with

lies Then you waste my time by forcing

me to remind you to do your job

and you think that you can wipe the

slate clean by Saying I'm sorry You know,

it didn't sound right to me either Damn

Reggie What Linda I'm busy get out My

parents are fighting again, then it's my dad's

birthday.

Well, so get him a tie now get

out Throwing in this party.

My mom's so furious at both of them

for you know, the whole adultery thing So

I'm caught in the middle.

I don't want my mom to be mad

at me But on the other hand, it's

dad's birthday and I don't want to offend

his girlfriend.

I mean the woman practically raised me Wow

Wow tough break That's all you can say

tough break No, all right.

Wait, uh Yeah, I'm sorry You don't even

care what I'm going through I bet you

didn't even listen to one word I said

I was too listening It was something about

a tie Okay, so let me get this

straight if a tenant has a problem they

just call you up on that cell phone

Yep, that way wherever I am.

I can always be reached.

Oh Look at that 23 messages Wow, you

really are needed.

So what do you say Jake you want

to trade jobs?

I have to admit the idea does intrigue

me, but I gotta tell you Bob.

I'm not exactly mr.

Fix Hell I'm barely mr.

Find it Nothing to it when a tenant

calls you tell them they're on the list

and then you hook them up with the

train professional I can do that.

Congratulations, my friend.

You're officially the new super.

That's it.

Not quite You really need all these keys

now, this one's the master I just keep

the rest of you but I like the

jingle Got something for you, too Here's my

cash box.

Oh, yeah I Gotta be honest my heart's

racing Thanks a lot, you know, thanks a

whole hell of a lie, you know what

you did to me think about it Becker

Where am I gonna get fresh seafood?

What oh Well, then never mind What were

you talking about all that crap about?

I'm sorry.

I tried it completely worthless Margaret she had

a problem with it, right?

So I'd say I'm sorry Didn't work at

all.

Then Linda had Something, you know, and I

said, sorry, and I didn't work with her

either You want to know why?

Oh, yeah, please enlighten me because you're an

idiot I'm sorry isn't like Like ketchup.

You can't just dump it all over everything

and expect it to hide all your mistakes

so Then what the hell good is I'm

sorry Well, if you're sincere it can mean

all kinds of things it can mean I'm

listening it can mean I care What if

I don't care then don't say it but

I won't Then you'll be sitting alone in

that stupid apartment watching TV eating Chinese takeout

for the rest of your life Hey, you

know what makes you such an expert on

successful relationships, I'm an expert on failed relationships

Yeah, well, you're sorry life aside, you know,

I did not screw up with Beth and

I'll prove it to you Okay, I didn't

know you had a cell phone.

I only use it for emergencies like proving

you wrong Hey, Beth.

Hi, John Becker.

How you doing?

Uh, well good.

Listen, I was wondering are you free Saturday?

Really?

Well, that's even better Yeah.

All right.

How about dinner?

Yeah, I'll meet you at Nikolai's eight o

'clock great Ah, yeah, not only did she

say yes, but she doesn't want to wait

until Saturday.

We're gonna meet tomorrow So as I may

have mentioned, ah Becker today is Tuesday.

That means tomorrow is Wednesday.

Well, thanks big bird Maybe later we'll work

on numbers You have a Wednesday date a

Wednesday so so she doesn't want to waste

a Saturday on you Wednesday dates are pity

dates.

Oh That's ridiculous.

Hey Jake.

Hey, you ever insulted when a woman wants

to go out to you on a Wednesday?

Never ha I never go out on Wednesday.

That's pity night You Get both just full

of it.

No, just nothing negative about a Wednesday date.

He's right.

Oh Bob dates around Wednesdays You know, well

I have to get back to work Hello

The super yeah, hold on.

I'll get him for you you Yeah Your

showers leaking You're on the list So good

man Hey,

dr.

Becker, you have a patient in room one

and mr.

Tillman stopped by and left a urine sample

Please God let it be in a cup

this time I Want to want to ask

you something Linda you go out a lot

of guys, right?

Well, not really.

I mean Yeah Well, what do you think

about going out on Wednesday night dr.

Becker, I really don't think that's appropriate I

mean, it's okay.

You're a man.

I'm an incredibly desirable woman But how to

say this When I choose who to go

out with I kind of have this rule

you could be old you could be poor

But you can't be both Linda I'm not

talking about us.

Dr. Becker.

There is no us I'm not asking you

out.

I just want to know if a Wednesday

date has some kind of secret meaning.

No, thank you It's no secret Wednesday's pity

night I Can I be the only one

who doesn't know this Mr. Specter, I'm sorry

to keep you waiting.

That's okay.

I got time.

I Do have time, right?

Yeah, you haven't paid your bill in three

months.

You're not going anywhere Hey, let me ask

you something you're old you'd know Is there

some kind of secret, you know to get

along with women?

dr.

Becker, I Been with a lot of women.

Oh, yeah, really?

Okay for But there's only one thing that's

ever worked for me Saying you're sorry, right?

Oh, sorry makes you sound weak and helpless

like some kind of sissy So what do

you do?

I cry You cry well, I've only done

it twice Once when my wife found out

I really didn't go to a sales convention

in Cleveland and Another time when she found

out the person I didn't go with was

her sister Fake crying, huh?

How does that work?

Well, I pull a hair out of my

nose Keep that in mind tilt your head

up.

Wow.

Well, you really have only cried twice So

How long have you and your wife been

together we got married in 45 divorced in

46 Well, have you been alone this whole

time you bet it's the good life I

Got nobody to answer to nobody bothering me.

I got TV I got takeout and if

I want to see people there's a nice

little coffee shop I can go to Well,

you know how great it is.

You're single Yeah the good life John I

Have a message from a woman named Beth

confirming your date tonight.

Thank you, and I got something for you

Here you go.

Medicare forms all filled out and ready to

go Good Good That's it.

You've been nagging me for days, you know,

here they are, you know, where's the way

to go John?

Where's the attaboy?

You know, I have my work here.

I have a lot going on at home

and Still you want me to pat you

on your head because you finally did what

you were supposed to do last week Well

fine.

Good job.

Thank you way to go Hey Well, come

on.

I appreciate what you do around here.

And I know that sometimes I make your

job a lot harder From now on you

tell me to do something.

It's done.

No excuses.

I Guess what I'm trying to say is

I'm sorry Wow John a real apology, I

really think you mean it Thank you So

you're sorry and mean I

Did you order a Kahlua and coke yeah

when I was like 11 But a half

hour ago I ordered a beer sir, you

don't have to snap at me.

All right, right you probably have feelings, too

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I'll go get you that beer Wow Hmm

I Know I'm late.

But well you of all people will appreciate

this I'm coming across the bridge and all

of a sudden traffic comes to a dead

stop now why a Road crew is repainting

the lines on the street and right in

the middle of rush hour.

I know I know that is so Unfair

That must have been very frustrating yeah, I'm

sorry Well, how was the rest of your

day, huh the rest of my day sucked

I'm sorry Why you didn't make it suck

no, I know that I'm just I was

just I Probably shouldn't have brought it up.

I'm sorry I Have no idea Maybe I

should get a drink.

Oh, yeah, I'll get the waitress here miss

Miss hey, what am I invisible here?

You know, I think She seems to be

a little busy right now Bread no, thanks.

I just started this new low-carb diet.

Oh, tell me about it.

It's low-carb What Then I probably shouldn't

have offered you the bread.

Oh, I'm sorry John what's wrong with you?

You seem different tonight.

Yeah, you're damn, right But better, huh?

Little confusing I'm sorry.

Well, you just don't seem like yourself That

that's because on our first date I came

on a little strong and right now I'm

trying to be a little more like, you

know, someone who you as a woman would

want me to be well, stop it Don't

say I'm sorry, okay.

Well, don't just agree with me We first

met in the bookstore you were screaming at

the cashier that the line would move a

lot faster if she just ring the Books

up instead of reviewing every damn.

No, I shouldn't have said that.

I'm sorry Seeing that John I liked you

in the bookstore.

I liked you on our date.

You were strong.

You had opinions I said to myself finally

a man what's happened to you?

Well, if you liked me, then why did

you fake a headache and leave early?

I didn't fake a headache.

I had a headache Then what the hell

are we doing here on a Wednesday?

What are you talking about?

Oh, please everybody knows Wednesday's pity night What?

Oh Wednesday's not pity night Give me another

chance here.

This is not me tonight.

I was acting on some extremely bad advice.

Look, I'm not caring I'm not sensitive.

Come on, please.

Let me prove it to you.

Oh, please John don't Yeah, you can bring

me the beer I ordered three years ago,

I mean what's your problem you take an

order write it down you moron Stop trying

to impress me.

It's pathetic And do me a favor lose

my number.

Oh, no, come on.

Wait, wait, you gotta believe me.

Listen, I don't care What's your day?

I don't care about your feelings.

You know what else that dress makes your

ass look huge The

money on the counter.

Yeah, you're on the list What was that

mrs.

Garcia drank loved again, yeah, she told me

to rot in hell God I miss her

Take Can I ask you something?

Yeah You ever miss it, you know your

job Why do you ask well, I don't

know.

I just thought that if you did I

suppose there's nothing stopping us from trading back

Yeah, there you go.

Great Oh Right, sir Morning Jake

taking a times and a Snickers leave the

money on the counter.

Oh, yeah Well, you did it again hey

a lot of people ordered the roast beef

and nothing happened to them Never mind How

are you talking about Beth and she liked

me she liked me the way I was

the real me not the me you created

in this little lab of yours She liked

you being rude insensitive and obnoxious.

Yeah, not to mention uncaring unfeeling and short

-tempered Are you trying to tell me you

meant the only other social mutant on the

entire planet?

Yeah, what are the odds of that happening

again?

I was just trying to help out.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Yeah, take it from me.

Sorry doesn't cut it Well, what do you

want me to do I just want you

to listen All right.

I'm listening good.

I hate you Now you when are you

gonna fix my damn stove you on the

list like there's a list

I