Original subtitles

Soon we will come ashore, and I will return Richard to his home kingdom and

rescue Isabella.

Oh, girl, I do not feel good.

Is there a name for when you throw up through your nose? Oh, please, try and

keep it together. We're almost there.

And it's called nothing.

Almost there? You've been saying that for weeks.

Listen, I'm tired.

I miss Gareth.

These pirates smell horrible.

Sing me the song, Galloway.

It's the only thing that'll make me feel better.

If I sing you the song, will you shut up?

Way back in days of old, there was a legend... Oh, do it for real!

About a hero known as Galloway... Sorry to interrupt. It's a very catchy tune

and all that. It's a real earworm. You're too to get stuck in your head.

But there's only so many times you can hear it. I don't know if you noticed.

But four pirates walked the plank last week. Middle of the ocean. Just walked

right off.

So what are you saying?

What I'm saying is... We're gonna have to kill you if you sing the freaking

song. What? It didn't win an Emmy. Now it's time to move along.

But winter's not just coming. And it came. And then it went.

Now it's back with this year's least expected big event.

You mean?

season for our hero and pals.

A new season and it's gonna be scorching hot on you.

Free the new exotic locale.

With new guests you'll cost the network a fortune.

I'll go reclaim the castle I'm the rightful ruler of.

I'll suffer through the hassle then go save my one true love.

It's a new season so we won't be reprised in that tune. Way back in days

of old.

There was a legend told that a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

-a.

A new cheese in our new cat in its kitchen.

We'll stay here with the princess till she weds her little cuss.

Yes, we know it's incest. Still, it's what our family does.

It's a new season.

Am I easy while she's in her room?

I've tried so desperately to win my freedom.

Tried? Yes, I've tried, dear God.

It's a new season for our brand new regime.

A new season here in sunny Valencia. With new treason to deliciously scheme.

And new levels of psychotic dementia.

I'm putting every qualm aside to seize my kingdom's reign.

I'll commit some homicide and sing a few refrains. And this season, maybe I'll

get to squeeze in some. No, we've no weeks to come. Ignore the...

Skip the football matches. And the globes made out of gold.

Through all the different tickets.

And every bachelorette.

Giving to the miracle that no one thought we'd get.

It's a new season, though it's still not that

long. A new season with a lively new stage.

Join the royals. And the jester. And the servant. And the chef.

The queen. The thug. The hero. And the hero's BFF. And the whole season ends

with armies from Valencia, Hortensia, and Richard's land in one ginormous

battle to decide who's going to be the one true king to rule the whole

entire... Way to blow it, you prats.

It's the new season, so hang on to your call.

I know this area.

There. That is the safest place to come ashore.

Yes, sir.

I've never been more certain of anything in my life.

Wow.

I did not know what I was talking about.

Not even a little.

presenting the queen and the guy that was with the queen when she killed the

other guy who was kind of the king. Maybe later we can discuss my title.

And what trifling business is before the court today?

My queen.

My guy who was with the queen when she... Get on with it.

A chicken laid an egg on the border between our two properties. We didn't

know what to do, so we just let it sit there.

But didn't this chicken hatch from that egg? And now we don't know who the new

chicken...

Belongs to.

Is this for real? Is this really happening?

I've got this.

I think what we need to consider here is what came first.

We have a chicken, then there was an egg. But then before that, there was

another chicken. Kill the chicken, I'll eat it for dinner. Next!

My queen?

My guy who was with the queen? Oh, get on with it.

I guess I just have a few questions about my situation here.

Am I captive?

Am I free?

How's my hair? I mean, I haven't seen a mirror in weeks. Perhaps you'd like to

go the way of the chicken.

Look, I don't mean to complain. I just don't know what my role is, and that's

weird.

Yeah, it's a bit rough not having a role.

You have a role, Gareth.

I do?

Go kill the chicken.

Since the wedding to your cousin is back on, we thought you might want to choose

a cake topper.

You see nothing wrong with this?

Your only daughter is about to marry her own cousin, who happens to be an 11-year

-old boy.

We're good with it. Father!

Honey, Galavant is gone.

He was a tall drink of water, and I will keep him forever in my bank bank. But

it's time to move on.

No.

Wherever he is.

Galavant will come for me. And then we will marry.

If you marry Galavant, I have to pay for the whole wedding. You marry your

cousin, I only do the rehearsal dinner.

True love is not about rehearsal dinners. You haven't seen the Forcacta

bill. You are marrying your cousin. I can't believe you two.

Planning this wedding as if nothing's wrong whilst I'm locked away in this

prison. Oh, baby Bella, honey, we love you.

But you're being a tad dramatic.

This is not a prison.

Coming out.

Where are you, Caliphate?

Well, those pirates were a bit snippy with me, no?

Please stop talking.

Are you still upset about the shipwreck?

Jeez, man, what's the point of a bygone if it can't just be a bygone?

A pirate died.

That's what pirates do.

I rarely thought I knew where we were.

Oh, well.

That kingdom can't be too far away from here.

Oh, no.

What oh, no?

Oh, no. Oh, no what?

I think I may have led us into the enchanted forest, and that is not good.

My father warned me to stay away from here at all costs.

There's a queen, an evil queen.

In fact, once my father and his best friend slash camping buddy Keith, I

called him Uncle Keith because he was always around. Spit it out. They

wandered in here, and Uncle Keith was never heard from again.

Oh, great.

Oh, yeah, mm-hmm.

Typical. God, can't you do anything right? You're just going to keep

walking.

Happy hour?

The Enchanted Forest is a pub.

God, you actually had me scared for a minute there.

Well, this place is...

It's all men.

Real gentleman's drama.

Well, get used to the attention, son.

This is what happens when you hit the mainland with King Rich.

I haven't seen you around here before.

Trust me, I'd remember.

John, looks like you've got some competition.

Oh, hello there. John Hamm?

No, don't tell my wife.

Come, Bobby.

The Queen's going to want to get a look at this one. I do.

Hold it.

Well,

one thing's for sure.

We'll settle the score.

And trust me, it's more than fair.

Oh, this is so fun.

I want to fly like her, too. Someone pick me up.

We'll keep you waiting.

Who knows just how long you'll serve.

But, baby, you bet.

You're going to guess the punishment we deserve.

Off with the shark.

That's a deal.

You're a beefcake. Happy meal.

Go on, you guys.

Just feast your eyes until they hurt.

I have had a blast.

You know, I've never been to one of these places before.

You've got a pub?

Don't be stupid. You've been to a pub before.

Anyway, I'm going to head out.

Got to get him back to his kingdom. I've got to return to saving my one true

love.

She's... Yeah,

she's waiting for me. But thank you for everything.

And thank you for not feeling as to the bear.

Goodbye, bear.

Later. Richard, Bama.

See, where do you think you're going?

We just had our best night in years.

You'll be staying here forever.

Or at least until those abs go soft.

But... Guys!

At least Bear seems happy.

What? Jeez, Gorilla, make a fist, pound the door. It's called knocking.

The boss lady thinks she's the boss of men. I'm trying to figure out if she is.

Now, you wanted a position.

Here it is.

Be my assistant.

This is the kingdom's charter.

It outlines the changes of power when a king is deposed.

But I can't read.

Oh, Gareth, are you asking me to teach you to read? No.

Reading is for morons who can't understand pictures.

Just read it.

Ten more minutes of outside time, my lady.

Yeah, not a prison at all, Mum.

Yes, my beautiful bride-to-be.

Jester, Jester, do it for the princess.

Every time he gets me. Stop, I'm going to pee myself.

Oops, I did.

Let me down.

Great kid.

He's going to make a wonderful husband, your cousin. I mean, once he stops

peeing himself.

I feel like I've been drinking.

Crazy, Grog.

How can you be happy about this? You kidding?

This is the easiest gig I've ever had. It's all fart noises and poop jokes with

this kid. I haven't had to write new material for months.

And truth be told, it's given me time to work on my real passion.

I'm trying to break into drama.

So sorry. I can't handle a moment's silence.

What's wrong with me?

Quinn. Milady. You two have to help me escape and find Galavant. You must see

how insane this all is.

I do hate the idea of you being forced into marriage.

I'm kind of big into women's rights.

He really is. He said he's going to let me keep our first daughter and not just

throw them all out.

The guard.

They order a lot of room service.

Let me see if I can't slip them some sleepy time pie and get you a key.

You're so kind.

One daughter.

Then we leave the rest to the White Walkers.

Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Need another round of mead light for Philip and Sebastian, please.

Hello?

Calabant!

Calabant!

Try to escape.

Made it all the way to the door, but my hands were too cold for mixing slushy

drinks. We are wasting time.

Relax, my brother from another.

Have a drink. Feel the beat.

Oh, that reminds me. Bear told me a ripper. A bear walks you to a bar. Oh,

you're having fun. I'm so glad, because the people I care about are in real

trouble. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Well, stop trying. The

more you try, the worse it gets. Just stay out of my way.

Fine, but from now on, we're pooling our tips.

Who doesn't?

You're a good bear joke. Bears are funny. I'm so a giraffe.

Uncle Keith!

Dad said you entered the Enchanted Forest and never came out.

The other way round, kid.

Huh?

I belong here.

Your father, God rest his soul, he belonged here.

Was he an alcoholic too?

But you don't belong here.

Okay.

Maybe you do belong here.

Why is

she making us

watch her eat our chicken?

What do you mean, our chicken?

It was my egg first. It weren't. I had it first. This is why.

This is why you're watching.

Queenie, I need to talk to you about my title.

Now, I helped you overthrow a king. You helped your friend escape and watched as

I killed his replacement.

I'm sick of not being treated as an equal.

I'm sick of having to park my horse in the stable with the assistance.

Look, according to the scrolls I have had read to me, I banished the king. So

technically, I am the true king of Valencia.

And it would really mean a lot to me if I was treated as such. What is it with

men and their emotions?

Fine. You're king.

Yes.

Oi.

Say it.

Presenting the queen and king of Valencia.

You don't think... We're not changing the order. No, it's great. It's fine.

I've got to get out of here, but you've got to follow me right now. We don't

have much time before the music starts.

Sure. I'll listen to you.

Like when I listen to you about when we're going to come ashore.

Or maybe when I listen to you... I want you to know that it hurt me a lot more

than it hurt you.

Use your core, Richard.

Use your core.

Where is my core?

There it is.

You're waking up. Next time.

Good morning, sunshine.

What are you doing?

I'm rescuing us.

What, through the ladies' room?

This is your dumb plan.

The bar needed a ladies' room built to be able to code, but no one was ever

going to use it, so they didn't bother finishing.

You know you just saved the day.

Yeah.

I know.

I can't take all the credit.

Gallivant, I want you to meet my Uncle Keith.

Come on back. Thank you, sir. We are indebted to you, uncle. Forever and

always. It's nothing.

Who said we can't convince you to come with us?

No, son. My destiny is here.

Destiny? This is Richard.

Richard. Destiny.

Hello. Hi.

You must go now.

I'll miss you.

Godspeed.

Let's boogie.

Hello.

Hey, here's a silly question.

Do you think Michael Keith might be... Yes, Richard.

Wow.

You think destiny knows?

You know what?

I owe you an apology, because you really came through for us today.

Thank you.

I know you don't think much of me, and I know I screw everything up all the time,

but you have to understand, I was coddled my entire life. I know. I was

breastfed until I was nine.

I know...

Wait, what? I had a nanny named Pearl. Oh, I don't want to know. The point is

today's a new day. This is a new chapter in your life.

You're going to find your inner king.

You really think so?

I do.

It's a new season and a change on the way.

A new season that's going to make you a ruler.

Time to start season so much more than the day.

With a new title that's incredibly cooler.

And I won't have to marry now that I have got the key.

I'll leave before Prince Harry even reaches Hubert's fee.

It's a new season, there's so much to be done.

A new season and it's only begun.

A new season. The one I'm singing, hi, Jason, you're good.