Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

Polly: ♪ JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS

[ SQUAWKS ] ♪ JINGLE ALL THE WAY

[ WHISTLES ] ♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

[ SQUAWKS ]

BUTTON YOUR BEAK, BIRD,

OR THERE'S A FEATHER DUSTER IN YOUR FUTURE.

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY, SHIPWRECK, WHERE'S YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT?

YEAH, LET'S HAVE SOME YULETIDE CHEER.

WE COLLECTED ENOUGH TOYS TO BEAT LAST YEAR'S RECORD.

THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE THE KIDS AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL

REAL HAPPY.

COBRA RATTLER!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM WILD WEASEL,

YOU CHRISTMAS TURKEYS!

LOOK OUT!

FIND US SOME COVER, OR WE'LL BE EATING ASPHALT!

HEAD FOR THAT ROCK PILE UP AHEAD.

GUN IT, COVER GIRL!

AH! MADE IT.

Polly: [ SQUAWKS ] CLOSE CALL! CLOSE CALL!

YEAH, BUT NOW WHAT?

THAT RATTLER COULD KEEP US PINNED DOWN TILL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

[ PLANE FLYING ]

[ BEEPS ]

WILD WEASEL TO COBRA COMMANDER.

FIREFLY'S MISSION IS ACCOMPLISHED.

RETURNING TO BASE.

WHY'D HE TAKE OFF? HE HAD US.

WHO CARES? HE'S GONE.

LET'S NOT LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH.

[ BEEPING ]

[ BRAKES SQUEAL ]

Polly: [ SQUAWKS ] TOTE THAT TEDDY!

LIFT THAT TRAIN!

[ SQUAWKS ]

ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE WHEN I WAS A LAD.

CHARMING, ISN'T IT, NOW?

[ BEEPING ]

Cover Girl: PLACE LOOKS AWFULLY DESERTED, DUKE.

Duke: MOST OF THE JOES TOOK HOLIDAY LEAVE.

WE WERE ATTACKED BY A RATTLER ON OUR WAY HERE.

IF COBRA MOUNTS A FULL ASSAULT WHILE WE'RE SHORTHANDED...

THEY'D NEVER GET THROUGH

OUR AUTOMATIC DEFENSE GRID, COVER GIRL.

[ BEEPS ]

[ HUMMING ]

SMACK YOUR LIPS AND FEAST YOUR EYES.

ROADBLOCK COOKED YOU A BIG SURPRISE!

[ APPLAUSE ]

YEE-HAW!

HOMBRE, YOU OUTDID YOURSELF.

DUKE, WILL YOU DO THE HONORS?

YOU BET. WHO WANTS A LEG?

[ BARKS ]

JUNKYARD, I MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

[ BARKS ]

[ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S ONE HUNGRY DOG, MUTT.

YEAH.

I'LL, UH, CHOW DOWN LATER, OKAY?

I WANT TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE.

[ WHIMPERING ]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MUTT?

BEATS ME, TRIPWIRE. HOLIDAY BLUES, I GUESS.

HUH. NOW, THAT'S LOYALTY.

HOW MANY DOGS WOULD GIVE UP A TURKEY LEG

TO MOPE AROUND WITH THEIR MASTER?

[ WHIMPERS ]

[ SIGHS ] CAN'T HELP IT, JUNK.

THIS TIME OF YEAR ALWAYS MAKES ME SAD.

YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS A KID,

MY FOLKS MADE SUCH A FUSS ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS,

THEY DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME.

AH, I NEVER GOT TO TRIM THE TREE OR WRAP PRESENTS.

THEY NEVER EVEN LET ME HANG UP MY OWN STOCKING.

NOW, EVERY YEAR, I GET THIS LEFT-OUT FEELING.

[ BEEPING ]

JUNK, YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

[ GROWLS ]

WHAT THE...

[ GROWLING, BARKING ]

A TROJAN ROCKING HORSE.

WE'VE BEEN SNOOKERED.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

GOT TO SOUND THE ALARM, JUNK.

[ COUGHING ]

UGH!

THE ALARM! LET'S GO!

BARONESS, TO THE DEFENSE GRID!

ON MY WAY, MAJOR BLUDD.

WHAT IN TARNATION?

COBRAS?

THEY'RE NOT SANTA'S ELVES.

THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE!

OW!

SOME JOKE!

THAT COOKED HIS CUPCAKE, DUKE.

Duke: TOO LATE. THE RAY'S DONE ITS JOB.

SEASON'S GREETINGS.

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

YOU ARE RELIEVED OF COMMAND, SERGEANT DUKE HAUSER.

G.I. JOE HEADQUARTERS IS NOW OCCUPIED TERRITORY.

NO WAY, TIN FACE.

YO-O-O, JOE!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

FOOLS!

OPEN FIRE!

COBRA!

[ GASPS ]

COBRA!

[ GROANS ]

Cobra Commander: DEPLOY THE SNAKE ROBOTS!

I...DIDN'T KNOW...

YOU CARED!

UGH!

APPARENTLY, THEY REMAIN UNCONVINCED.

BARONESS!

THE GAS!

GAS!

[ Strained ] DON'T BREATHE!

[ ALL CHOKING ]

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

SECURE THEIR VEHICLES AND SEAL THE BASE.

STRAIGHTAWAY, COMMANDER.

AHH, RESTED FROM YOUR LITTLE NAP?

WHERE'S DUKE? WHY ISN'T HE WITH US?

PERHAPS HE PREFERS OUR COMPANY.

AND MAYBE I'M THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

SOMEBODY BREAK YOUR POPGUN, DESTRO?

IMBECILE.

THIS MOLECULAR REDUCER/ENLARGER

REPRESENTS A DECADE OF RESEARCH!

DESTRO, IT'S ACCOMPLISHED ITS PURPOSE BRILLIANTLY.

WE NOW HAVE THE JOE WEAPONS AND VEHICLES WE NEED

FOR TOMORROW'S ATTACK ON KEYSTONE CITY.

YOU'RE GONNA ATTACK A CITY WITH OUR GEAR?

TO MAKE THE GOVERNMENT THINK WE'RE BEHIND IT.

YES -- A TRAGIC MISTAKE,

BUT QUITE UNDERSTANDABLE,

ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY'VE SEEN THIS.

CITIZENS OF KEYSTONE CITY,

THIS IS SERGEANT DUKE HAUSER, G.I. JOE TEAM LEADER.

WE'RE TIRED OF SERVING OUR COUNTRY.

IT'S TIME THE COUNTRY STARTED SERVING US!

AS OF 1100 HOURS,

THE JOES DECLARE YOUR CITY UNDER MARTIAL LAW -- OUR LAW!

RESISTANCE WILL BE MET WITH DEADLY FORCE.

THAT IS ALL.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM, YOU MONSTER?

I HAVEN'T DONE A THING. HAVE I, DUKE?

NO, MASTER, NOT A THING.

IT CAN'T BE.

RIGHT YOU ARE.

[ Normal voice ] BUT TRY TELLING IT

TO THE FOLKS IN KEYSTONE CITY.

ZARTAN.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

TOMORROW, THE REAL DUKE WILL BE ABOARD MY SkyStriker.

THIS WILL CONFIRM THAT THE JOES HAVE TURNED TRAITOR.

THE HECK WE HAVE.

TAKE THEM AWAY, WHERE THEY WON'T CAUSE ANY MISCHIEF --

SOMEWHERE IN KEEPING WITH THE SEASON.

YES! PUT THEM ON ICE!

REMEMBER, MATES. KEEP...COOL!

I'VE JUST DECIDED.

I HATE PUNS.

IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE QU-QUICK,

WE'LL BE A BUNCH OF J-J-JOESICLES!

YOU KNOW, ME AND THAT SIDE OF BEEF

COULD HAVE A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.

IS YOUR BRAIN FROSTBITTEN OR WHAT?!

COME ON, COVER GIRL. YOU GOT NO IMAGINATION.

JUST WATCH!

[ SQUAWKS ] SEASICK! SEASICK!

[ SQUAWKING ]

PROGRESS REPORT, MAJOR BLUDD.

CAN YOUR TROOPS FLY THE JOE AIRCRAFT?

RUDDY PIECE OF CAKE, COMMANDER.

ANOTHER HOUR, AND WE'LL BE READY.

SEE THAT YOU ARE.

IF I CAN JUST GET A GRIP,

I CAN LIFT MYSELF OFF THIS HOOK.

[ SQUAWKS ] SNOWBALL'S CHANCE. SNOWBALL'S CHANCE.

SHUT UP, WILL YA?

[ GRUNTING ]

I GOT IT!

GLOATING IS CHILDISH, COBRA COMMANDER.

GLOATING?

I SIMPLY WISH TO BID OUR FRIENDS A FINAL FAREWELL.

WHAT'S THIS? SUCH GLOOM ON A LOVELY HOLIDAY MORNING?

AND AFTER I BROUGHT YOU ALL A PRESENT.

PRESENT?

OF COURSE. THE KEY TO YOUR HANDCUFFS.

I'LL HANG IT RIGHT HERE, JUST OUT OF REACH.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

AND WHILE YOU REFLECT ON MY GENEROSITY,

REMEMBER THAT MORE PRESENTS ARE COMING YOUR WAY --

TONS OF THEM!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

Destro: THERE -- IF THE MICROCIRCUITS ARE STILL INTACT,

THE REDUCER/ENLARGER SHOULD FUNCTION PROPERLY.

NOT THAT IT MATTERS NOW. [ CHUCKLES EVILLY ]

THE JOES ARE FINISHED.

Cover Girl: DON'T MAIL THE INVITATIONS

TO YOUR VICTORY PARTY YET, DESTRO.

TRIPWIRE, CHECK THE AIRFIELD.

YOU NEEDN'T BOTHER.

COBRA COMMANDER AND THE OTHERS HAVE DEPARTED

TO ATTACK KEYSTONE CITY

IN YOUR VEHICLES AND IN YOUR NAME.

WE'LL STOP THEM SOMEHOW, DESTRO.

WE STILL HAVE YOU.

DO YOU?

OR DO I HAVE YOU?

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ LAUGHS ]

THIS MOLECULAR REDUCER/ENLARGER

CAN SHRINK YOU TO SUBATOMIC NOTHINGNESS.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ SQUAWKS ] WATCH IT, BUSTER!

[ SQUAWKS ]

GET AWAY FROM ME!

GET AWAY!

Cover Girl: SMOTHER HIM. SMOTHER HIM!

OKAY, LET HIM UP.

EASY, MUTT. WE GOT HIM.

SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING'S LOOSE.

DAD BLAME IT!

NOT ONLY DID COBRA STEAL OUR GEAR,

THEY GAVE US...FLIES!

HOLD IT! THAT'S NO FLY!

IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S...POLLY.

[ SQUAWKS ] HELP! HELP! HELP!

[ SQUAWKS ]

COVER GIRL, GIVE ME THAT GUN.

HOLD STILL. I'LL FIX THAT BIRD.

ARE YOU LOCO?! YOU'LL HIT SHIPWRECK!

[ SQUAWKING ]

THIS THING'S GOT A 2-WAY SWITCH.

WHATEVER IT SHRINKS, IT CAN ALSO EXPAND.

[ SQUAWKING ]

POLLY FEELS DIZZY.

AW, POOR POLLY.

I'M GONNA MISS YOU DURING THE BATTLE WITH COBRA, PAL...

BUT NOT VERY MUCH.

Cover Girl: HEY, GUYS, WE'RE STUCK WITH COBRA EQUIPMENT,

BUT IT'S GONNA HAVE TO DO.

SHUCKS! WE CAN BEAT THEM COBRA OWL HOOTS

FLYING CARDBOARD BOXES.

THEN LET'S DO IT!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

WE GOT TO STOP COBRA BEFORE THEY REACH KEYSTONE CITY.

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

HEH. THIS HERE'S A LOT OF HOOEY.

"MARTIANS LAND IN HOBOKEN."

NEWARK, I COULD BELIEVE, BUT HOBOKEN?

WHOA!

I THOUGHT G.I. JOE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR SIDE.

YOU CAN'T WIN, COMMANDER. THE PEOPLE WILL FIGHT BACK.

THEN THE PEOPLE WILL BE DESTROYED,

AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BLAME G.I. JOE.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

DAD, AREN'T THOSE THE G.I. JOES?

I THOUGHT THEY WERE HEROES.

SO DID I, SON. SO DID I.

YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, COMMANDER.

OH, NO? JUST WATCH ME.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

Zartan: FULL THROTTLE, YOU FOOLS.

WE'RE NOT BEING PAID TO MISS THE BATTLE.

YAAHHH!

UGH!

THAT'S A COBRA CLAW -- ONE OF OURS.

BUT WHO'S FLYING IT?

NICE SHOOTING, BLOWTORCH,

BUT WE'VE STILL GOT ONE TALL JOB AHEAD OF US.

♪ JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS

[ SQUAWKS ] ♪ JINGLE ALL THE WAY

OH, NO.

G.I. JOES USING MY EQUIPMENT!

YEAH. LIFE'S FULL OF SURPRISES, ISN'T IT?

UP AHEAD!

COBRAS...IN OUR VEHICLES.

IS NOTHING SACRED?

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

SURPRISE!

THOSE THREE ARE HISTORY.

NOW LET'S GET THE BARONESS.

TURN THIS THING AROUND!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

SO, YOU'VE ESCAPED YOUR CONFINEMENT.

WELL, YOU WON'T ESCAPE THIS!

OH...THAT WITCH HAS A WAY WITH A LASER RAY.

WILD BILL, THERE'S A DRAGONFLY ON YOUR TAIL.

NOT FOR LONG!

YEE-HOO!

NOBODY CAN DO THAT WITH A F.A.N.G. -- NOBODY.

WELL, I AIN'T NOBODY.

AW! FEEL LIKE I JUST LOST MY BEST HORSE.

THE MASQUERADE IS OVER, BARONESS!

AAH!

HATE TO SEE OUR EQUIPMENT GET BLASTED LIKE THAT.

WHAT'S GOT TO BE HAS GOT TO BE.

YOUR FORCES SEEM TO BE DISAPPEARING, COMMANDER.

IMPOSSIBLE!

YOU'VE HAD YOUR WARNING, COBRA COMMANDER.

LAND, OR NEXT TIME I WON'T MISS.

SHE'S BLUFFING.

IF SHE SHOOTS ME DOWN, YOU'LL GO, TOO.

SHE'D NEVER RISK THAT.

FORTUNATELY, I'VE NO SUCH QUALMS ABOUT ELIMINATING HER.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

YOU WISH!

LET GO!

LET GO OF ME!

AAH!

OH!

Polly: ♪ JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS

♪ JINGLE ALL THE WAY [ SQUAWKS ]

♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪

[ WHISTLES, SQUAWKS ]

ARE YOU MAD?! YOU'LL KILL US BOTH!

POSSIBLE, UNLESS YOU SURRENDER!

SURRENDER? COBRA WILL NEVER SURR--

[ SQUAWKING ]

AAH!

HAPPY LANDINGS, DUKE!

EVERYBODY OKAY?

ALL ACCOUNTED FOR, EXCEPT DUKE.

HEY, SHIPWRECK? IS THIS A FRIEND OF YOURS?

[ ALL CHEERING ]

OH, NO. MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

HIYA, POLLY.

REMEMBER OLD SHIPWRECK, YOUR BUDDY?

Y-YOUR PAL?

WELL, COVER GIRL, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, THANKS. AND YOU?

OKAY.

BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO

ABOUT THAT RATHER LARGE BIRD OVER THERE?

WHATEVER HE SAYS, DUKE. WHATEVER HE SAYS.

YEAH, I GUESS WE'D BETTER,

AT LEAST UNTIL WE FIX DESTRO'S GUN.

OH, GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT, DUKE.

OH, WHAT'S THAT?

THE KEY TO YOUR HANDCUFFS.

[ LAUGHS ] AW, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DUKE.

SON OF A GUN!

IT IS CHRISTMAS, JUNKYARD.

YOU KNOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I DON'T FEEL BAD ANYMORE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU OLD HOUND DOG.

[ WHIMPERS ]

-MERRY CHRISTMAS, JOES. -MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]

[ SQUAWKS, WHISTLES ]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[ SQUAWKS, WHISTLES ]

AH, BAH HUMBUG.