Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

[ BELL TOLLING ]

Man: THE BRITISH MUSEUM IS NOW CLOSED.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VISIT.

[ BEEP ]

STOP IN YOUR TRACKS!

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

[ WHISTLE BLOWING ]

HALT OR WE'LL FIRE!

Reporter: AND IN TODAY'S LEAD STORY,

SCOTLAND YARD PONDERS LAST NIGHT'S CURIOUS THEFT

AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM.

STOLEN WAS AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN TABLET

DATING BACK TO THE OLD KINGDOM.

THE CLEVER THIEF, WHO DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A MUMMY,

REMAINS AT LARGE, HIS IDENTITY AS MYSTERIOUS AS HIS MOTIVE.

WHY WOULD A THIEF PASS UP VALUABLE JEWELS

TO STEAL AN ARTIFACT OF WORTH ONLY TO SCHOLARS?

[ RADIO CLICKS OFF ]

MAYBE HE WAS A SCHOLAR.

WHAT THE --

Firefly: I HAVE PROVIDED DARKNESS

FOR YOUR SAKE, NOT MINE.

TO KNOW MY IDENTITY IS TO ENSURE YOUR DOOM.

W-W-WHAT DO YOU WANT?

QUIET!

UGH, DISGUSTING!

IT WAS RECENTLY REPORTED

THAT YOU'VE DISCOVERED A SPECIMEN

OF THE RARE JACKAL'S BANE ROOT UNDER THE ICE.

WE'LL TAKE YOU TO IT. JUST LAY OFF WITH THE PISTOL.

REMEMBER, KEEP YOUR EYES FROM MY FACE.

IF I EVEN SUSPECT YOU HAVE SEEN ME...

[ CLICKS ]

[ ALARM BLARES ]

FLINT, SOUNDS LIKE WE'VE GOT A COVERT S.O.S.

FROM ANTARCTICA BASE.

DEPLOY SNOW JOB AND FROSTBITE.

THE JACKAL'S BANE SPECIMEN WAS FOUND DOWN HERE,

BUT THE AREA HAS FROZEN OVER SINCE THEN.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

Snow Job: SURRENDER NOW!

[ GUNSHOTS ]

SNOW JOB TO FROSTBITE, HE LOST ME!

NOT ME! I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE HE IS.

WHOEVER HE WAS, HE'S ON ICE NOW.

A TRUBBLE BUBBLE?

AFFIRMATIVE!

IT'S COBRA AGAIN!

THAT SNAKE JUST GOT AWAY IN A SUBMARINE!

Man: YEARS OF RESEARCH RUINED!

WELL, AT LEAST HE MISSED THE COFFEE POT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EMBARRASSING THIS IS?

WE'RE POLAR TROOPS!

WE HAD A DRAGONFLY AND A SNOW CAT,

AND ONE LONE COBRA CREEP GOT AWAY FROM US.

WELL, NOT CLEAN AWAY.

WHILE HE WAS USING OUR LAB AS A SHOOTING RANGE,

HE HIT THIS CANISTER OF MARKING DYE.

WHAT'S IT FOR?

IT'S A MILDLY RADIOACTIVE SUBSTANCE

WE USE FOR TRACKING WHALE AND PENGUIN MIGRATION.

[ BEEPING ]

WHICH ONE OF COBRA'S SNAKES COULD IT HAVE BEEN?

THAT'S EASY -- FIREFLY.

NONE OF THE OTHERS WOULD HAVE TAKEN SUCH GREAT PAINS

TO CONCEAL HIS IDENTITY.

AREN'T WE CLEVER?

THEN TELL ME THIS --

WHY DID COBRA WANT THE JACKAL'S BANE?

THAT'S NOT SO EASY.

FLINT, I'VE GOT A FIX ON THE SUB.

IT'S HEADED FOR MADAGASCAR.

BUT I THINK I KNOW WHERE TO FIND OUT.

MADAGASCAR.

I'D BET MY BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT THEY'RE HIDING IN PIRATE'S COVE.

IT'S BEEN A SMUGGLER'S HIDEOUT FOR CENTURIES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT HIDEOUTS?

[ SQUAWKS ] SHIPWRECK'S A CROOK!

A CROOK! [ WHISTLES ]

MIX TWO PARTS JACKAL'S BANE WITH CRUSHED SWAMP MOSS.

Cobra Commander: GREETINGS, FIREFLY.

DO NOT USE MY NAME.

DO YOU HAVE THE JACKAL'S BANE?

RIGHT HERE.

I EXPECT PAYMENT IN MY SWISS ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY.

[ CLICKING ]

WHAT IS THAT? WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

THE GEIGER COUNTER, COMMANDER.

HE'S BROUGHT IN SOMETHING RADIOACTIVE.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

[ CLICKING ]

IT'S TRACKING PAINT.

YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED!

CLEAR THE LAB IMMEDIATELY! PREPARE FOR ATTACK!

WE'RE ALMOST HOME FREE!

THEY'RE GONNA BLOW THIS PLACE! COME ON!

THE STOLEN TABLET.

SO THE BRITISH MUSEUM THEFT

IS CONNECTED TO THE JACKAL'S BANE.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

LET ME SHOW YOU THE QUICKEST EXIT.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ EXPLOSION ]

[ GASPING ] FLINT, WHERE ARE YOU?

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I CAN'T SWIM AND HOLD THIS THING AT THE SAME TIME!

TRY. I NEED TIME TO TRANSLATE IT.

"FOR THE WOMAN IN NEED OF LOVE,

"THE POTION WILL STING AT THE MAN'S HEART

LIKE A COBRA STINGS."

WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

SORRY. IT WAS EITHER THE TABLET OR ME.

MUST HAVE BEEN A TOUGH CHOICE.

IT WAS THE FORMULA FOR A LOVE POTION.

ONE WHIFF AND A MAN WOULD FALL IN LOVE

WITH THE WOMAN WHO WORE IT.

YOU'RE KIDDING!

I'D LIKE TO HAVE SOME OF THAT STUFF.

YOU DON'T NEED IT.

AAH!

[ LAUGHS ]

TURN OFF THE CHARM, FLINT.

YOU'RE LIABLE TO ATTRACT A WHALE.

[ LAUGHS ] VERY FUNNY.

THE QUESTION IS, WHO DOES COBRA WANT TO ATTRACT TO WHOM?

I'LL BET YOU ANYTHING

THE BARONESS IS INVOLVED IN THIS.

Destro: WE LOST THAT TABLET DUE TO FIREFLY'S INCOMPETENCE!

Cobra Commander: WHO CARES ABOUT THE TABLET?

WE HAVE EAU DE COBRA, AND WITH IT,

NO MAN ALIVE WILL BE ABLE TO RESIST THE BARONESS.

Breaker: SHORT FUZE, I'M PATCHING FLINT INTO YOU.

HE HAS SOME QUESTIONS.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] -YEAH? PUT HIM THROUGH.

SHORT-FUZE, I NEED TO PICK YOUR BRAIN.

Yeah? What do you want to blow up?

WHO'S THE WEALTHIEST BACHELOR IN THE WORLD?

OH, I'D KNOW THAT.

THE SHIPPING TYCOON -- SOCRATES AIRTES.

HEY, HE'S EVEN LOOKING FOR A WIFE.

HAVING A PARTY ON HIS YACHT THIS WEEKEND.

[ Dial tone ] -FLINT? HELLO?

WELL, NOW WE CAN GUESS WHAT THEY'RE UP TO.

SURE.

AIRTES FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE BARONESS,

AND COBRA GETS CONTROL OF THE LARGEST SHIPPING FLEET IN THE WORLD.

Mr. Airtes: SO GOOD TO MEET YOU, DUCHESS.

Woman: AND YOU, MR. AIRTES. YOUR YACHT IS SIMPLY DIVINE.

[ GRUNTS ] THIS IS THE LAST TIME I COME TO A PARTY UNINVITED.

COME ON. IN THERE.

AFTER YOU, MY DEAR.

WHY, THANK YOU, FLINT.

MY PLEASURE, LADY JAYE.

DEEP SIX, WE ARE ON THE YACHT. WAIT BELOW, JUST IN CASE.

DEEP SIX: You got it, Flint. Better down here than up there.

GOOD EVENING, MR. AIRTES.

LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

[ SNIFFS ]

REALLY LOVELY.

SHALL WE DANCE?

HOW CAN I REFUSE?

Cobra Commander: IT SEEMS THAT BARONESS IS DOING QUITE WELL.

AIRTES LOOKS ENRAPTURED.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

OOH, DESTRO.

WE ARE TOUCHY TONIGHT.

AND WITH GOOD REASON.

TWO OF THE JOES HAVE INFILTRATED THE SHIP.

-WHAT?! -[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

COBRA UNDERCOVER, TWO JOE AGENTS ON THE PROMENADE-DECK WALKWAY.

DISPOSE OF THEM!

NOW THAT WE'RE HERE, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

SIMPLE -- GET THE PERFUME FROM THE BARONESS.

AND HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?

THAT'S...MORE COMPLICATED.

COBRA!

Lady Jaye: HAVE A NICE TRIP.

WH-O-O-O-O-O-O-OA!

IS MY HAIR OKAY?

EVEN COBRA CAN'T RUIN YOUR LOOKS.

MORONS! I HAVE MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!

I FEEL AS IF A VOID HAS BEEN FILLED IN MY LIFE.

BARONESS, WILL YOU...

PARDON ME. MIND IF I CUT IN?

[ GASPS ]

I GUESS NOT.

DARLING, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

Destro: THIS MISSION IS TAKING A MOST DISASTROUS TURN.

YOU UNDERESTIMATE THE BARONESS.

OR PERHAPS YOU FEAR FLINT'S CHARMS.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!

HOWEVER, I DO WISH TO MONITOR THIS MISSION FIRSTHAND.

YOU'LL STAY HERE! YOU WILL ONLY HINDER OUR AGENT!

DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME.

ENJOY THE DANCE, BARONESS,

BECAUSE AFTERWARDS, YOU WILL BE EXPOSED FOR WHAT YOU ARE.

NO, FLINT.

YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.

FOR EVEN YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO EAU DE COBRA.

DON'T I...

LOOK DIFFERENT TO YOU NOW?

YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO FAIL AT MY MISSION, WOULD YOU?

I WANT WHATEVER WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIEST.

HELLO, MR. AIRTES.

I'VE LOOKED FORWARD TO MEETING YOU.

DO SOMETHING FOR ME, FLINT.

ANYTHING, DARLING.

DISPOSE OF THAT PESTY WOMAN WHO ARRIVED WITH YOU.

OF COURSE.

HELLO? EARTH TO MR. AIRTES.

COME IN, SOCRATES.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE WHAT IS MINE,

YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY MISTAKEN!

BUZZ OFF, TIN FACE.

[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

THIS HAS BEEN YOUR LAST MISSION, JOE!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

YOUR MISSION AND YOUR LIFE END HERE AND NOW, FOOL!

RAAAAH!

[ CLANG! ]

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I BELIEVE TWO MEN ARE FIGHTING, SIR.

ISN'T IT PART OF THE ENTERTAINMENT?

CERTAINLY NOT. HAVE THEM EJECTED.

[ FINGERS SNAP ]

YO-O-O-O!

[ LAUGHING ]

DESTRO, YOU FOOL!

[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I HAVE NEVER BEFORE LEFT A PARTY

IN SUCH A DISGRACEFUL MANNER.

NEITHER HAVE I.

I FEEL KIND OF FOOLISH...

ABOUT THE BARONESS.

SHE'S YOURS IF YOU WANT HER.

I THINK NOT.

THAT WOMAN IS NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

WE WILL TAKE UP THIS MATTER LATER, DESTRO DARLING!

OH! SUCH EXCITEMENT.

I MUST LIE DOWN FOR A WHILE.

UH, COME TO MY CABIN.

WE CAN BE ALONE.

LET ME HOLD YOUR PURSE.

GIVE THAT BACK!

OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO HELP OUT.

SOCRATES, WHY DON'T WE DANCE WHILE THE BARONESS RESTS?

NO, I WILL ESCORT HER.

[ SNIFFS ]

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BEST TO LET HER REST QUIETLY.

EXCUSE ME.

IT'S SOMETHING IN THE PERFUME. I'M SURE OF IT.

LET'S GET IT!

OH!

OH!

INCOMPETENCE!

MY PLAN IS GOING UP IN SMOKE!

[ BEEPS ] -BARONESS!

Scrub your mission. Bring the perfume to me.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

CHOOSE ME, MR. AIRTES.

CAN'T YOU SEE I LOVE YOU MADLY?

SOCRATES, YOUR FORTUNE AND I WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.

COMMANDER, THE PERFUME HAS FALLEN OVERBOARD.

SEND DIVERS.

LADY JAYE TO DEEP SIX. THE PERFUME'S HEADED YOUR WAY.

Intercept it.

DEEP SIX: Will do.

[ BEEPING ]

THERE IT IS.

I'm under fire. I'm gonna need reinforcements.

Man: WE HEAR YOU, DEEP SIX.

Woman: WE COULD MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER.

DON'T LISTEN TO THE OTHERS. I LOVE YOU!

BUT, AIRTES, MY DEAR, YOU KNOW MY FEELINGS.

THROW ME A ROPE, COMMANDER!

WHY SHOULD I, DESTRO?

YOUR JEALOUSY JEOPARDIZED OUR MISSION!

IF YOU CARE TO REMAIN AFLOAT,

YOU WILL THROW A ROPE IMMEDIATELY!

OF COURSE, DESTRO!

WELCOME ABOARD!

TOOK A DIRECT HIT! I'M PUNCHING OUT!

MAN: The perfume is within our grasp, Commander.

-YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE!

THEY'RE ABOUT TO GET THE PERFUME,

AND THEY'VE GOT US DANCING.

I READ YOU.

I'VE GOT IT, GUYS.

DEEP SIX IS SWAMPED! LET'S HELP HIM!

MY SUIT'S DAMAGED.

I'M GOING UP.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!

A CRAB?! THEY LOST TO A CRAB!

[ LAUGHS ]

A FITTING END TO THIS ABSURD SCHEME.

MEN WILL SUFFER FOR THIS!

OH, THERE YOU ARE. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.

[ SCREAMING ]

SAVE YOUR WHINING FOR THE JUDGE, BARONESS.

I'M A DUCHESS, NOT A BARONESS.

IF YOU'RE NOT, THEN WHERE...

THERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR!

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL, FLINT!

YOU'RE SURE THAT PERFUME WORE OFF?

I THINK I SHALL REMAIN A BACHELOR.