Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE SEEING HISTORY IN THE MAKING.

HISTORY?

YEAH. HE JUST INVENTED THE WORLD'S BIGGEST ROMAN CANDLE.

REALLY?

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ECOLOGICAL EXPERIMENTATION, ALPINE.

LET ME SHOW YOU.

PROFESSOR BULLOCK HAS DEVELOPED A NITROGEN-BASED FUEL

THAT DOESN'T LEAVE A TRACE OF POLLUTION.

AND AS YOU CAN SEE, IT, UH, GETS MORE MILES TO THE GALLON.

NOW, IF YOU'RE FINISHED, I HAVE WORK TO DO!

WHAT'S EATIN' HIM?

THIS IS CRIMSON GUARD NINE.

COME IN, COBRA H.Q.

COME IN, NUMBER NINE. THIS IS COBRA COMMANDER.

HAVE YOU GOT THE FUEL?

IT'S HEAVILY GUARDED. THE G.I. JOES ARE --

NO EXCUSES!

Just do it!

BULLOCK: The fuel is still too unstable

to allow outside the lab.

So we don't know how it might react in a real environment.

AND UNTIL WE DO,

the fuel needs to be kept at a constant temperature.

I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU.

I'VE JUST COME TO CLEAN UP THINGS A BIT.

HOW DID YOU GET PAST SECURITY?

THIS IS A CLASSIFIED AREA.

HUH?

OH, NO.

YOU IMBECILE!

I'M SORRY, PROFESSOR.

I'LL HAVE THAT CLEANED UP RIGHT AWAY. I'M REALLY SORRY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M REALLY SORRY. UGH!

WHAT'S --

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUDDY!

NO, YOU HOLD IT!

GET THAT GUY!

GIVE IT UP, BUCKAROO!

THE BARN DOOR'S LOCKED, AND THERE AIN'T NO WAY OUT!

YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND!

I'M REPORTING YOU TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!

GOOD LUCK, PROFESSOR.

MY SUPERVISOR'S COBRA!

COBRA?

LET ME GUESS.

YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO JOIN THE CIRCUS, RIGHT?

WELCOME TO THE ACT, CLOWN!

EXACTLY WHERE DO YOU EXPECT THIS TO GET YOU?

OUT!

NO WAY!

HERE'S SOME TRASH FOR YOUR CAN, DINO-BRAIN!

GOTCHA!

OW!!

DON'T GOTCHA.

CONSIDERATE OF YOUR FRIEND, MAKING AN EXIT FOR ME!

HO, HO, JOE!

COME ON, LET'S GET HIM!

WELL, WHAT YOU WAITING FOR, AN INVITATION FROM THE WHITE HOUSE?

HEY, MY MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO MOUNTAIN GOATS.

CAN'T TELL IT BY LOOKING.

WE'LL MEET YOU AT THE BOTTOM.

SUIT YOURSELF.

Bazooka: UH, WAIT UP.

NO, BAZOOKA!

[ BOTH SHOUTING ]

YEAH. THAT -- THAT WAS EASY.

[ VEHICLE APPROACHING ]

WELL, YOU SURE ENOUGH BEAT US DOWN HERE.

DID YOU NAB THE BAD GUY?

NO.

YEAH, THEM COBRAS ARE SLIPPERIER THAN NEW SOAP.

HOP IN.

G.I. JOE!

PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE.

BELIEVE ME, OFFICER.

I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN INTRUDER AND A BANANA PLANT,

ESPECIALLY MY OWN BANANA PLANT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "REAL EMERGENCIES"?

IT CAN'T BE HALF AS BAD AS WHAT I'VE GOT!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ ALARM BLARING, TIRES SCREECH ]

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

HARVEY ACTUALLY HAD AN INTRUDER!

YEAH. THAT BREAKS HIS STRING OF 187 FALSE ALARMS.

OKAY, FELLA.

JUST COME WITH US.

THANKS FOR THE WORKOUT, GUYS.

[ LAUGHS ]

FORGIVE ME, BABY, BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY AFTER MY SECRET PLANT-FOOD FORMULA.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SWIFT ATTENTION, OFFICER.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'D HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU.

YEAH. DON'T MENTION IT.

PLEASE DON'T MENTION IT!

THE BAD MAN IS GONE NOW, CHILDREN.

BUT IF HE COMES BACK, I'LL BE HERE TO PROTECT YOU.

NOTHING WILL STOP YOU FROM GROWING BIG AND STRONG!

YOU'LL BE THE HIT OF THE COUNTY FAIR,

AND I'LL MAKE A FORTUNE

SELLING MY SUPER-GRR-OH! PLANT FOOD.

AND NO ONE WILL LAUGH AT HARVEY LATHROP AGAIN!

Tomax: YOU WERE ARRESTED FOR...

Xamot: ASSAULTING TWO POLICEMEN.

-HOW COULD YOU... -BE SO STUPID?

I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH CHOICE, DID I?

COBRA...

Both: Shh!

COBRA COMMANDER WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN VERY HAPPY

IF I'D LOST THAT FUEL CANISTER.

-EXACTLY WHERE IS... -THE ROCKET-FUEL CANISTER...

-NOW? -NOW?

I STASHED IT IN SOME GUY'S GREENHOUSE.

BUT THERE MUST BE...

A THOUSAND GREENHOUSES IN THIS TOWN!

-WAIT. I'VE GOT A... -MARVELOUS IDEA.

WE BLANKET THE CITY WITH...

-CRIMSON GUARDS DRESSED LIKE... -NORMAL PEOPLE.

-WE'LL FIND THE CANISTER... -IN NO TIME.

-BRILLIANT! -BRILLIANT!

Man: WHAT YOU DOIN', MISSY?

UH, JUST TAKING A CENSUS!

YOU HAVE JUST THE ONE GREENHOUSE, SIR?

ANY FOOL CAN SEE THAT!

DO YOU GROW BANANA PLANTS IN POTS?

I SURE DO.

AND I CAN BUY 'EM AT THE COUNTY FAIR TOMORROW.

NOW GIT!

NO, WE DON'T GROW BANANA PLANTS IN OUR GREENHOUSE,

BUT I'D STILL LIKE A FREE COPY OF YOUR MAGAZINE.

AH, FORGET IT.

NO, YOU CANNOT "SACK OUT IN MY GREENHOUSE

AMONG MY POTTED BANANA PLANTS."

SLEEPING WITH BANANA PLANTS? GEEZ, MUST BE FROM CALIFORNIA.

Destro: NONE OF THE CRIMSON GUARD TROOPERS

HAVE BEEN ABLE TO LOCATE THE FUEL SAMPLE YET.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT, DESTRO!

I WOULD NOW HAVE THE FUEL IN MY POSSESSION

IF NOT FOR YOUR BUMBLING!

YOU'RE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AGAIN, COBRA COMMANDER.

I WASN'T EVEN THERE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN, DESTRO.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

VERY WELL.

I WILL FIND THE SAMPLE MYSELF

AND RETURN WITH IT BEFORE THE SUN SETS ON ANOTHER DAY.

ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM YOUR LUNATIC RAVINGS.

WOW!

I DID IT!

I DID IT!

I'VE INVENTED A SUPER PLANT FOOD!

THIS COULD GET ME ON A BIG-TIME TV TALK SHOW!

STARTING TOMORROW,

NO ONE WILL BE LAUGHING AT HARVEY LATHROP ANYMORE!

SLEEP WELL, BABIES.

THE COUNTY FAIR IS TOMORROW.

[ CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING ]

AND THIS IS NOTHING, FOLKS!

THIS IS PEANUTS!

IN FACT, YOU SHOULD SEE

WHAT HARVEY'S SUPER-GRR-OH! PLANT FOOD

DOES FOR PEANUTS!

IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, BUT WHAT'S IT TASTE LIKE?

COME SAMPLE FOR YOURSELF.

WELL, DON'T BE BASHFUL!

THERE'S PLENTY FOR EVERYONE.

OOF!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

HEY! GET THIS THING OFF ME!

SOMEBODY, GET THIS THING OFF!

OH, MY!

LOOK OUT, HAROLD!

THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

WILD BILL: Break off the search.

SOMETHING FUNNY'S GOING ON OVER AT THE COUNTY FAIR.

Bazooka: WHAT IS IT?

I CAN'T RIGHTLY SAY,

BUT THERE'S MORE COMMOTION THERE THAN A BEAR IN A BEEHIVE.

SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

MORE WATER? MORE FERTILIZER?

I'LL DO ANYTHING.

IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER?

OH, NO!

HELP!!

YO-O-O, JOE!

THIS IS NO TIME TO PLAY TRICKS ON YOUR OLD PAL!

WHERE ARE YOU, YOU BIG BAZOOKA?

YO.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

[ SMACKS LIPS ]

NEEDS SOUR CREAM.

UH-OH. COMPANY!

IT'S COBRA!

Wild Bill: DROP IT, DESTRO, AND DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES!

NOT SO FAST, CHROME DOME!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

GIVE IT UP, JOES!

I'VE GOT THE ROCKET FUEL!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

OKAY, DESTRO, YOU WANNA PLAY HARDBALL?

HE'S NOT OUT OF COMMISSION YET.

MOVE IN ALONGSIDE HIM.

HEY, DESTRO!

WANT ME TO PUT YOUR FIRE OUT?

THIS EXTINGUISHING FOAM SHOULD SHORT-CIRCUIT HIS CONTROLS.

YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO FLY, JOE!

NICE PILOTING, WILD BILL, BUT YOU LOST YOUR DRAGONFLY.

YEAH... BUT I SAVED THE WORLD.

Cobra Commander: YOU CALL THIS SUCCESS?

YOU LET THEM HAVE THE FUEL AND BRING ME A BEAN?

BUT --

I FEAR FOR YOUR SANITY, DESTRO.

THAT WAS MORE THAN JUST NITROGEN ROCKET FUEL!

IT'S A SUPER NITROGEN FERTILIZER!

TAKE HIM AWAY.

WITH EXPENDABLE FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

REPLACING COBRA'S GROUND TROOPS,

WE COULD OVERRUN THE WORLD!

BAH!

I HOPE YOU HAVE REGAINED YOUR SENSES, DESTRO.

FOOL!

HELP! SOMEBODY! AAH!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW?

HOW DO YOU STOP A GRAPEFRUIT TREE THAT GROWS 14 STORIES HIGH

AND RAINS FRUIT THE SIZE OF WRECKING BALLS

ON THE STREET BELOW?

EVEN YOUR MINUSCULE IMAGINATION

MUST BE ABLE TO CONJURE THE CARNAGE THAT WOULD BE WROUGHT

IF WE COVER THE CITY WITH THESE MUTATED SEEDS!

HAVE A CARE, DESTRO!

ALL THE SEEDS WE NEED

CAN BE FOUND AT A GREENHOUSE IN SOUTH DAKOTA.

YOU ARE RIGHT, MY FRIEND.

WE CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

BUT A SHOW OF FORCE IS NECESSARY FIRST.

WE WILL CULTIVATE CHICAGO.

THAT WILL PROVE WE MEAN BUSINESS.

[ BEEP ]

WILD BILL HERE.

Breaker: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION.

HEAD FOR CHICAGO.

THE CITY IS BEING OVERRUN BY PLANTS.

THE MAYOR HAS RECEIVED AN ULTIMATUM FROM COBRA COMMANDER.

HE DEMANDS CHICAGO BE HANDED OVER TO COBRA,

OR IT WILL BE TURNED INTO A GIANT WEED PATCH.

AIRTIGHT'S WORKING ON A SUPER WEED SPRAY.

HOW'S IT GOING, AIRTIGHT?

WORKING AS FAST AS WE CAN.

WE'LL GET IT TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

READ YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, OLD BUDDY.

Tomax and Xamot: ♪ A-PLANTING WE WILL GO

♪ A-PLANTING WE WILL GO

♪ HI-HO, A-MERRY-O

♪ A-PLANTING WE WILL GO

Barbecue: WELCOME TO CHICAGO!

ORANGES AT 12:00!

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S ONE WAY

TO GET YOUR MINIMUM DAILY REQUIREMENT OF VITAMIN C!

[ SQUAWKS, WHISTLES ]

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, BARNACLE BREATH?

CUT ME SOME SLACK, POLLY.

[ HORNS HONKING ]

Alpine: SCHOOL'S OUT, BOYS.

-G.I... -JOE!

GOT TO DO SOMETHING NOW!

WHAT'S THE MATTER --

DOESN'T YOUR BROTHER LIKE YOU ANYMORE?

THANKS FOR FLYING G.I. JOE AIRLINES!

HAVE A NICE TRIP!

COME ON, BROTHER, LET'S... GET OUT OF HERE!

IMAGINE FINDING THEM IN YOUR SALAD! YUCK!

Destro: HELP YOURSELF, JOE!

THE ROUGHAGE WILL DO YOU GOOD!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

DON'T YOU GOOD GUYS EVER GIVE UP?

Wild Bill: NO! THAT'S WHY WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!

LASERS HAVE NO EFFECT!

IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING QUICK,

WE'RE GONNA BE BURIED IN A TOMB OF SQUASH!

[ SQUAWKS ] SQUASHED BY A SQUASH!

SHUT UP.

HATE USING THIS BEFORE IT'S BEEN PROPERLY TESTED,

BUT IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

[ SQUAWKS ] NOT MUCH, BARNACLE BRAIN!

[ SQUAWKS, LAUGHS ]

KEEP IT UP, SHARK BAIT!

IF I CAN CRYSTALLIZE THIS GAS

AND SEED THOSE CLOUDS BEFORE IT RAINS,

I BET I COULD MAKE COBRA'S PLANS BACKFIRE!

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT OVER LUNCH!

IF THIS DEFOLIANT OF YOURS DOESN'T WORK,

I'M BUYING A LOT OF STOCK IN SALAD FORKS!

YEE-HOO!

CAUGHT IN YOUR OWN TRAP!

AND ANOTHER COBRA GAME IS RAINED OUT!

[ CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING ]

YES, SIRREE!

IT WAS RIGHT THEN AND THERE

THAT G.I. JOE CAME TO ME AND ASKED MY ADVICE.

Man: TELL US MORE, HARVEY!

Woman: YES, DO! WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

WELL, IT WEREN'T EASY, LET ME TELL YOU.

THAT HARVEY WOULD DO PAUL BUNYAN PROUD.

HOLD ON, GUYS.

I GOT ME AN IDEA.

Boy: WEREN'T YOU SCARED?

SCARED? [ LAUGHS ] ME?

WHY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.

AAH!

[ LAUGHTER ]