Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

NOTHING LIKE A NICE STROLL, HUH, ROADBLOCK?

[ PANTING ]

BUGS AND SNAKES AND JUNGLE -- THIS JOB AIN'T FUN ANYMORE.

HOW'S ABOUT WE TAKE FIVE?

SURE. TAKE FIVE STARTIN' NOW.

Destro: YOU'RE LATE. AGAIN YOU FAIL ME!

HOWEVER, I AM IN A GENEROUS MOOD TODAY.

I SHALL SPARE YOUR LIFE,

BUT YOUR INCOMPETENCE HAS COST YOU THE GOLD I PROMISED.

TAKE HIM AWAY!

DESTRO MUST FEEL MIGHTY SECURE.

HE HASN'T EVEN A GUARD OUT HERE!

Recondo: MAYBE 'CAUSE NO ONE'S EVER BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER THIS RAVINE

WITHOUT DESTRO'S HELP.

BUT THAT'S GONNA CHANGE ANY MINUTE NOW.

OKAY, IT OUGHT TO HOLD.

TOLLBOOTH, YOU AND THE BRIDGE LAYER

CAN DO YOUR TRICK NOW!

OKAY, MEN, LET'S HIT 'EM!

-YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE!

NO! NOT NOW!

NOT WHEN THE PROJECT IS SO NEAR COMPLETION!

COVER ME, YOU OLD GOATS!

[ SCREAMING ]

THERE. IT'S DONE.

NOW NOTHING CAN STOP COBRA.

STOP THAT MAN!

NO GUNS, YOU FOOLS!

YOU'LL HIT MY EXPERIMENT!

[ COUGHING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

VERY IMPRESSIVE, BUT TOO CRUDE AND TOO LATE.

FAREWELL, JOE!

I HAD HIM!

I HAD HIM, AND I BLEW IT!

THAT'S RIGHT. JUST KEEP MOVIN'.

LET'S SEE HOW BLOWTORCH IS MAKING OUT.

THERE'S THE KID NOW.

I TORCHED THE LAB,

BUT DESTRO WAS SLITHERING OUT THE BACK.

AS USUAL.

Roadblock: WHAT ABOUT THE WEAPON HE WAS WORKIN' ON?

HE WAS CARRYIN' SOMETHING,

BUT I COULDN'T TELL WHAT IT WAS.

THEN IT WAS CLOSER TO COMPLETION THAN WE THOUGHT.

THAT INDIAN KID MUST HAVE BROUGHT DESTRO

SOME FINAL ELEMENT HE NEEDED.

YOU DONE GOOD.

COME ON OUT OF YOUR GEAR BEFORE YOU BOIL OVER.

HEADQUARTERS WILL DECIDE THE NEXT MOVE.

AT LEAST DESTRO WON'T BE USING THIS BASE AGAIN.

NOT A BAD DAY'S WORK, KID.

SO, YOU ARE ALL HERE.

WHERE IS MY NEW WEAPON?

WERE YOU ABLE TO COMPLETE IT...

AND BRING IT OUT SAFELY?

I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LET TWO YEARS' WORK GO UP IN SMOKE.

THE PHOTON DISINTEGRATOR IS SAFE

AND READY FOR COBRA'S USE.

Recondo: TWO WEEKS' REST AND RECREATION FOR A JOB WELL DONE.

Roadblock: BEATS THE HECK OUT OF THAT LOUSY JUNGLE!

FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS,

OUR MISSION IS TOOLING UP THE COAST.

AND SAMPLING THE LOCAL CUISINE.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M STARVED.

LET'S CHECK OUT THAT DRIVE-IN.

NO WAY! THE FOOD IN THOSE JOINTS IS AWFUL.

BESIDES WHICH, IN ANOTHER HOUR,

WE'LL BE AT MY AUNT AND UNCLE'S NEW RESTAURANT.

WAIT UNTIL YOU TASTE MY UNCLE CALEB'S COOKING.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

UNCLE CALEB OPENED A RED ROCKET DRIVE-IN?

IT FIGURES.

WE'VE ONLY SEEN ABOUT 50 OF 'EM ON THE WAY HERE.

COME ON, LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

Caleb: THAT'S IT.

THE ONLY THING WE GOT LEFT ARE THESE BLASTED BILLS!

DON'T, WORRY SO MUCH, CALEB. WE'LL GET BY SOMEHOW.

Roadblock: ANY CHANCE OF GETTING SOMETHING TO EAT AROUND HERE?

OH, MY GOODNESS, CALEB, LOOK!

IT'S MARVIN!

HIYA, AUNT SARAH!

MARVIN! IT'S GOOD TO SEE MY FAVORITE NEPHEW!

[ LAUGHS ]

UNCLE CALEB, HOW YOU DOING?

OH, MARVIN, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!

CALL ME ROADBLOCK, OKAY? NOT MARVIN.

[ RECONDO LAUGHS ]

THIS SNICKERING APE HERE'S RECONDO,

THE JOES' JUNGLE TROOPER.

HE CAN FIND AN EYELASH YOU LOST IN THE WOODS TWO YEARS AGO.

HOWDY.

WE LOST OUR SHIRTS.

CAN HE FIND THOSE?

HUH?

NOW, CALEB, DON'T TROUBLE THE BOYS.

HEY, NO KEEPING ANYTHING AWAY FROM ME.

OUT WITH IT. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

WE BOUGHT INTO THIS RED ROCKET CHAIN

WITH OUR RETIREMENT MONEY.

AT FIRST IT LOOKED LIKE WE HAD OURSELVES A GOLD MINE.

WE HAD CUSTOMERS COMING OUT OF OUR EARS.

SO HOW COME THE PLACE IS DESERTED?

Caleb: 'CAUSE SOMEBODY STARTED SCARING THE PEOPLE AWAY.

AND THERE THEY ARE. COME ON, RECONDO.

WE'LL SCARE THE PIMPLES RIGHT OFF OF THOSE PUNKS!

YEAH, WE'LL TEACH 'EM TO MESS UP YOUR UNCLE'S BUSINESS!

Sarah: BOYS, PLEASE NO!

YOU THINK I'M SO OLD I CAN'T HANDLE A BUNCH OF KIDS?

THEY'RE THE CUSTOMERS!

IT'S THOSE GUYS, NEPHEW,

THE ONES WITH THE CYCLES AND RAY GUNS!

THEY'RE THE TROUBLEMAKERS!

-RAY GUNS? -RAY GUNS?

-YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE!

TRASH THOSE TURKEYS!

[ GRUNTS ] HERE'S THE TRASH!

I'LL BE THE TURKEY IF YOU'LL BE THE STUFFING!

LOOKS LIKE IT'S MY TURN TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!

GOT TO STOP THAT BIKE FROM BREAKING AND ENTERING.

SPLIT! WE DIDN'T COUNT ON NOTHING THIS HEAVY-DUTY!

AND DON'T COME BACK,

OR WE'LL SLAP YOU ON A BUN AND SERVE YOU FOR LUNCH!

CAN YOU, LIKE, REALLY, UH, LIKE ASSIMILATE THIS?

SO WHY WOULD A BUNCH OF BIKERS

WANT TO RUN A HAMBURGER STAND OUT OF BUSINESS?

GOOD QUESTION. AND WHERE DO BIKERS GET LASER PISTOLS?

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION, TOO.

COORDINATES IN FIVE SECONDS, SIRS.

VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.

NO NEED TO LAND.

Both: WE'LL JUST STEP OUT.

YOU HAVE A PRIORITY REPORT?

WHAT IS IT?

WE'VE GOT TROUBLE!

STAGE THREE HARASSMENT OF R.R. 104 ABORTED

DUE TO INTERFERENCE FROM TWO MEN IN CIVILIAN CLOTHES

WHO COUNTERATTACKED WITH G.I. JOE BATTLE CRY.

ARE THEY ON TO US?

HARD TO SAY.

R.R. 104 IS THE LAST DRIVE-IN...

WE NEED TO BUY BACK.

Both: WE'LL HANDLE IT.

YOU MIGHT HAVE LOST EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW.

YOU CAN'T RUN A HAMBURGER STAND

WITH A BIKER GANG TERRORIZING YOUR CUSTOMERS.

[ BEEPING ]

THERE'S THE COMPANY WANTING ME.

PERHAPS ANOTHER COUPLE SOMEWHERE

HOPING EXTENSIVE WILL BUY BACK THEIR DRIVE-IN.

[ BEEPING ] QUEEG HERE.

MR. QUEEG, YOU WILL PROCEED DIRECTLY TO R.R. 104.

TERMINATE NEGOTIATIONS

AND RE-ACQUIRE THE RESTAURANT AT ONCE.

Both: EMPLOY EXTREME MEASURES, IF NECESSARY.

WE GOT THE EQUIPMENT YOU WANTED, MR. QUEEG.

YOU SURE YOU NEED TO GO SO HEAVY?

THE CRIMSON GUARD HAS AUTHORIZED EXTREME MEASURES.

I WILL, OF COURSE, TRY THE REASONABLE APPROACH FIRST.

BUT IF THE OLD COUPLE WON'T SELL QUIETLY,

YOU TELE-VIPERS HAVE YOUR ORDERS.

[ MURMURING ]

IT'S THE JOES!

WHAT?

WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?

AND I WANT YOU TO MEET LADY JAYE, FLINT, AND CUTTER.

WHAT IS IT, SARAH?

THAT'S MR. QUEEG, THE MAN WHO SAYS WE HAVE TO SELL.

[ GRUMBLES ]

MR. AND MRS. BRONSON,

IF I MIGHT TAKE A MOMENT OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

VALUABLE'S WHAT IT IS, MAN.

YOU TAKE CARE OF THE CUSTOMERS. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS STIFF.

[ GRUNTS ]

WE'RE NOT SELLING, AND YOU'RE NOT BUYING!

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

THEY'LL PAY FOR THIS!

LEVEL THAT JOINT! FIRE!

WHAT IN THE WORLD?!

LOOK OUT!

HEAD FOR THE W.H.A.L.E.!

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

ADIOS, SUCKER.

-YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE!

LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!

GRAB CLOUDS, YOU BUMS!

MOVE IT, YOU FOOLS!

-COBRA! -COBRA! -COBRA! -COBRA!

WHAT A JIVE TRICK TO FALL FOR.

NOW WE'RE LEFT WITH NOTHING!

Lady Jaye: NOT EXACTLY, ROADBLOCK.

WE'VE GOT PROOF THAT THIS WAS A COBRA OPERATION.

ISN'T THIS A LITTLE RIDICULOUS?

SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY COBRA WOULD WANT TO MUSCLE MY AUNT AND UNCLE

OUT OF THEIR LITTLE HAMBURGER JOINT?

NOBODY MAKES MY AUNT SARAH CRY AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

LET'S MOVE!

AH, HERE'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

SO, WHAT'S IT MEAN?

RED ROCKET'S OWNER IS EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES.

THEY SOLD THE FRANCHISES MOSTLY TO RETIRED COUPLES.

RECENTLY, THEY'VE BEEN BUYING THEM ALL BACK.

EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES HAS DONE BUSINESS WITH COBRA BEFORE.

WHAT COULD THEY BE UP TO?

THEY'RE UP TO THEIR NOSES IN HAMBURGERS, THAT'S FOR SURE.

EVERYBODY'S SOLD OUT NOW,

EXCEPT ROADBLOCK'S AUNT AND UNCLE.

LET'S HAVE SOME CHIT-CHAT

WITH THOSE JERKS AT EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISE.

WE WILL.

BUT I WANT A GUARD IN YOUR UNCLE'S DRIVE-IN, JUST IN CASE.

YOU GOT IT, SNAKE EYES.

BREAKER, KEEP DIGGING.

Xamot: YES, COMMANDER. THE PREMISES HAVE BEEN...

VACATED.

SEND IN YOUR MEN.

COBRA COMMANDER: Superb.

XAMOT: When can you proceed with the demonstration?

BY MIDNIGHT.

I'LL CONTACT YOU WHEN IT'S TIME TO DELIVER THE ULTIMATUM.

WILL YOU NEVER LEARN...

TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT?

I DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HASSLING MY FAMILY.

YOU ENLISTED COBRA

TO BLOW UP UNCLE CALEB AND AUNT SARAH'S PARKING LOT!

TSK, TSK.

COBRA CAN, AT TIMES, BE A BIT HEAVY-HANDED. BUT...

WE CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY ACTION...

OF OUR BUSINESS ASSOCIATES.

WE RECOMMEND...

Both: YOU TAKE IT UP WITH COBRA.

OKAY. IT'S OBVIOUS WE'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY COOPERATION HERE.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE FRIENDLY PERSUASION?

LET'S GO.

[ ROADBLOCK GRUMBLES ]

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

NOW WHAT?

WE'LL COME BACK AFTER BUSINESS HOURS.

THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I CAN GET, LADY JAYE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU TALKED ME INTO THIS.

YOU KNOW I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS.

Lady Jaye: NOT A DESK DRAWER OR A FILING CABINET.

I WONDER...

COME ON, WHERE ARE YOU?

AH, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

A LOVELY NOCTURNAL PROWLER.

-LET'S GET HER! -LET'S GET HER!

[ GROANS ]

[ Strained ] YOU MUST BE MORE CAREFUL, BROTHER!

[ BOTH SHOUT ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

FLINT!

LADY JAYE!

[ SCREAMS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

SO, WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?

MOSTLY THAT A 1,000-FOOT DROP

DOES NOTHING TO HELP THE DIGESTION OF PEKING DUCK.

FLINT, LOOK THERE!

BREAKER, PATCH ME THROUGH TO VHF CHANNEL 10, FAST!

AND COBRA HAS 150 MISSILES IN PLACE,

TARGETED ON THE CAPITALS OF EVERY MAJOR NATION ON EARTH.

EACH OF THESE MISSILES

CARRIES ONE OF COBRA'S NEW PHOTON DISINTEGRATORS.

WE SHALL NOW DEMONSTRATE

THE DESTRUCTIVE POWER OF THIS WEAPON

ON THIS EXACT REPLICA OF ONE OF YOUR CITIES.

WATCH CLOSELY.

THIS WILL BE YOUR FATE IF COBRA'S DEMANDS ARE NOT MET.

THIS.

NO RUBBLE, NO UNTIDY AFTER-EFFECTS.

NOTHING REMAINS... BUT MEMORIES.

TO AVERT THIS TRAGEDY,

YOU NEED ONLY SURRENDER CONTROL OF YOUR NATION TO COBRA.

YOU HAVE TILL DAWN TO DECIDE.

SLEEP ON IT.

I GUESS THAT PRETTY WELL IDENTIFIES

DESTRO'S NEW SECRET WEAPON.

NO KIDDING!

ROADBLOCK: Uh, Flint? You want to hear something weird, man?

WHAT IS IT, ROADBLOCK?

DID YOU SEE THE MAP OF THE MISSILE SITES

BEHIND COBRA COMMANDER?

LADY JAYE: What about it?

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS, BUT...

...IT MATCHES THE MAP OF THE RED ROCKET DRIVE-INS EXACTLY.

Those rockets on top of the Red Rocket burger stands

are real!

PHEW!

SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS TAKE OUT 150 ROCKET SITES BEFORE DAWN!

MOBILIZE EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT, ON THE DOUBLE!

Cutter: ATTENTION COBRA --

EVACUATE RED ROCKET DRIVE-IN WITH DUE HASTE.

WE WILL COMMENCE FIRING IN FIVE SECONDS.

5...4...3...2...1.

FIRE!

W.H.A.L.E. TO JOE BASE!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, WITH GUSTO!

GOOD WORK, CUTTER!

HOLD IT! YOU'RE COVERED!

GO AHEAD AND FIRE.

I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE YOU WON'T HIT THE NOSE CONE.

[ LAUGHS ]

BYE, NOW!

UH-OH. COMPANY.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

BREAKER: Rocket number 104's been launched!

It's headed right for Washington, D.C.!

ROGER. ON OUR WAY TO INTERCEPT!

ENJOYING THE...

BREEZE, JOE?

Both: BRACING, ISN'T IT?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

THIS IS STARTING TO GET STICKY!

GOOD GRIEF! IT'S ROADBLOCK!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

IF I CAN BLOW THE NOSE CONE OFF THAT ROCKET,

THERE'S A CHANCE...MAYBE.

HANG IN THERE, ROADBLOCK, OLD BUDDY!

IT WAS WORTH IT...

JUST FOR THE RIDE!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ GASPS ]

Lady Jaye: THERE HE IS! HALLELUJAH!

HE'S OKAY! I CAN SEE THAT GRIN FROM HERE!

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE, CALEB.

BUT, IF YOU HAD TO THANK US,

FEEDING OUR FACES IS A GREAT WAY.

COME ON, DISH ME UP!

MY RIBS ARE THE GREATEST, AND THAT'S A FACT.

JOE BEAT COBRA, AND THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT.

SO WHEN YOU WANT RELIEF FROM YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR WOES,

YOU CAN COME ON DOWN AND EAT AT JOES'.

-YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE! -YO-O-O, JOE!