Original subtitles

I'm in. Long time no see.

Rach, Ben's here. He's back from China.

Ben! Oh.

Oh. Oh. I thought we'd go for a spin. We have got a lot of catching up to do. OK.

I'm just... China was not like I expected.

Worked for Ling's dad in the triad.

Complete horror show.

He fell out, actually.

Is that how you got the scar?

Weird story.

I don't like to talk about it.

So, after all this time, here we are. I have to say this. You know, let me go

first.

I'm not the Rachel that you knew before.

I really don't think we should be friends again.

Really? Why? I don't think it's good for you.

I've got things to do, but big things.

I have not got the time. Rachel. I know what you're going to say. I mean, come

on. Who are we kidding?

I've got a girlfriend.

What? Her name's Tash. She's amazing. She's just like you, except younger and

feistier. Just full of beans.

Sexy beans.

Honestly, I thought I'd be the one who ended up alone.

You're our attorney. You tell me.

What do you mean my accounts are frozen?

How unfair.

I knew nothing about the fraud.

Stop laughing.

I am bereft here. My darling husband, my Ron, is on the run from the FBI.

This is not the last call. What do you mean, this is the last call? I'm good

for the money.

Oh, God,

this can't be happening.

Breakfast in bed, milady?

Oh, how sweet.

Eggs.

Elastique chance.

Yes, sir. Scrambled eggs.

Avocado.

Chicken gel, Frazee. Enjoy.

Such English gallantry. I could just eat you up.

Please eat me up.

Goodbye, my hairy little knight.

I'm going to marry that woman.

Brantley Academy.

Dad, I can't believe you'd even consider it. Don't worry, Rach. I've told him.

My old dad would kill me if we sent Sid to private school. I mean, look at us.

We've even got a nanny. I'm sort of progressive.

I listen to the Smiths. I retweet J.K. Rowling.

It's just about looking after your own.

Yeah, that's what they all say. Next thing you know, you've got four million

Palestinians under curfew. Oh, come on. Sid's got brains, real brains.

Here, what's this?

Sid, when was the Battle of Hastings?

Richard III.

10.66.

Thank you. Genius in the making.

What is that you're feeding him, Angela?

Heart of chicken.

Yummy, yummy chicken heart.

Shouldn't we be feeding awful to a four-year-old?

My husband eats chicken heart every morning.

He's a huge killing machine.

He killed nine Croats during the war. Not like you, Jelly Belly.

I do not like that, Nanny.

Brother, brother of mine.

Baby, what are you doing here?

Well, I just thought I'd drop by and say hello. I mean, when was the last time we

saw each other?

I believe the last time we saw each other was when you came to my home

acting all high and mighty and you tried to buy my dead body.

Oh, Kenny, now I know we got off on the wrong foot, but we are family.

And somehow we have both found ourselves in this appalling place. And if we are

going to get out of here, we need to help each other.

This has been my home for 30 years.

And maybe together we can change that.

Right.

Get out of it. Out. Out.

I've got a four-year-old son and I want to try and keep him away from evil.

You mean I am unwelcome in my own brother's home?

You are most unwelcome, you fraud.

Well, but that's the way it is. I am perfectly fine across the road at your

gallop friend's door. Hey.

No difference.

Goodbye, dear brother.

You never...

Are you busy?

No, no, not really.

Because I felt compelled to say it. You are absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Oh, wow, right. Thank you.

Your looks, yeah, but your style and something about you.

I was sitting there kind of in awe.

Oh, well, good opinion.

I just thought I'd say it because...

I think so often people can be scared of making each other feel awkward and

chances go by.

Well, I'm flattered, honestly.

And it's not awkward, I promise.

Oh, well, it's a bit awkward now.

Of course.

I'll go.

Shower's free, Lorne.

Lorne? Lorne, shower's free.

Lorne, shower's free.

Ken?

Shit.

Shit, no.

No! Shit!

Angela!

It was a mistake!

Angela, I've got a meeting!

Why is Angela leaving?

No reason. Not Daddy's fault.

You might have to come to my meeting with me.

We don't need any stupid brother doing the tickly tops. People think because

I'm privileged that I can't take care of myself.

What is the liquid stuff that goes in coffee?

Don't touch anything.

Well, I never.

You are not welcome in my house either.

Hear me out.

What? Ivy, sister.

Remember what I was saying about us not being able to hang out? You were

inhumanly cruel.

I was. I was cruel.

But I've been thinking, what would be the next best thing to hanging out with

me? Why?

Hanging out with my adorable son.

If Nanny's had to go, personal emergency.

Really? Wouldn't have anything to do with you rushing out in the drive in

your bathrobe just now, would it?

No.

They've got very similar hair.

Of course they do.

Brother, I shall look after your child.

But in return... Here we go.

You have to be nice to me. These are trying times, and I need my family.

You and Lauren and Daniel, and I want to say... Abigail.

Incredibly wrong.

But fine. You look after the kid for the day, and I promise we will all begin to

like you, despite your appalling personality.

That is all I ask.

Not yet.

Hooks can wait.

Lizzie, where are you? It's your aunt Ivy to the rescue.

Oh. Oh.

So, when do I milk it?

Him? You don't milk him. He's a human child.

Obviously. I mean, when do I give it its milk?

He's four.

Four?

Shouldn't he be taller?

Rich kids are taller.

What's this?

Uh, it's a...

Brochure for private school is for Sid.

Private school?

Oh, that's wonderful.

British private schools are the best. All those owls and gowns. So cute.

Right, well, it's not happening. Lauren doesn't approve, so you may as well

chuck it. I see.

Well, before I chuck it, how about I just roll it out real tight? That way,

it's nice and compact, and you can fit it neatly up your pretty little vagina.

Excuse me.

Ken! You're going to let your wife stop you from educating your son?

Well, it's all our fun.

I see now. No wonder all your children are failures. No wonder you're making

passes at the nanny. There is no male leadership in this house.

Oh, still here. I left some paperwork. What's she doing here?

Who? Oh, Ivy.

Ivy's here because Angela left.

What? Why did Angela leave?

She left because, um... Sid kicked her in the face.

What? What?

That is true, actually.

It was one of Dale's karate kicks, so... Oh, her nose was bleeding.

I was just... I was all swollen.

And she came to me and she was like... Ah, leave it! My nose is broken.

Yeah. It's broken. I'm sorry.

Yeah. And Ken called me. Yeah. And I just stepped up and here we are. Here we

are. Here we are.

Sid caked.

The nanny? In the faith?

He did.

Lorna, I'm looking to think there's something wrong with him.

Oh, dear God.

I'm going to call Angela. No.

You go back to work. You let me deal with it. I'm on top of the details.

OK, then. Fine.

Sidney Thompson, you come here. We are going to have very strict words tonight,

young man. Come with me.

You're damn right.

You need to pull your act together, sunshine.

Did you feel that?

Real brother-sister synergy there.

You're welcome.

I just framed my son.

He's four and hasn't been framed yet. It needed to happen.

Ding it.

Rach, you're my best friend and Tash is my girlfriend. You have to meet.

No, Ben, I've just got a lot on at work.

Well, I've booked a booth for seven.

Rach, you are going to love her. She's just like you. Well, no, that's not

quite right.

Imagine what you wished you were like at 24.

That's what she's like.

How did you get in the house?

Hey there.

I'm looking after your brother for the day. Because that's what families do.

Okay, should Sid be riding your dog?

Huh?

Who's on the phone?

That's my friend Ben.

Your ex. Tell Aunt Ivy.

Oh, no, there's nothing to tell.

He's desperate for me to meet his girlfriend. God knows why. And you're

madly jealous.

And you want him back bad.

No, that's not what's happening.

No, it is. You may not think it is, but it is. That's why Aunt Ivy is going to

give you a complete makeover. And, boy, you need it.

I think I'm going to go to my room.

I did not enjoy this conversation.

Whoop-de-doo, honey tits.

Not my name.

Hi, how are you?

Ken.

Listen, I brought you some flowers to say sorry.

Peanuts.

Now, look, I know you must think I'm some sort of lunatic.

I don't think you're lunatic.

Good, good.

Guess what happened back there is entirely explainable. I know.

It's passion and sexy longing.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Macy, I thought you were Lorna. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it, Ken.

I cannot bear another minute.

Angela. I ran this morning because I'm scared of what we do.

The chemistry between us has been unbearable since first day.

What? You're horrible to me.

As defense.

And now you're coming here with ridiculous story about how you mistake

me for your wife.

You feel it, girl?

Of course.

I am beautiful woman and you, gorilla, with irresistible stomach like a lovely

mountain. What are you doing?

You are right. We are both married.

I need to stop working for you and we must keep this a secret from our

spouses. What?

You have nothing to keep secret.

You don't want me to keep secret, you come at me and nudie from behind and

grabbed on my tush.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, keep that secret, obviously.

I am so confusing.

Big, sexy asshole.

I didn't do it! I didn't! Do not give me that, Sidney Thompson. Now sit!

No! Until you admit what you did, you sit on the naughty floor.

Sit on the naughty floor.

Bloody bungalow.

Poor Brad, he's still climbing. He didn't do it.

Do you think maybe you've suffered enough now? Oh, no, no.

We're not going soft on him.

I texted Angela.

No reply.

We need to vet his toys.

No more guns, Sid.

No more lightsaber. The lightsaber is a dollar piece. I didn't do it.

I've got them on the dark side too, Sid.

Ah, you're still here.

Well, when Lorna came home, she was so busy busting your son's ass, I just

thought I'd hang out and drink.

What sort of father am I, letting my son take the blame for my mistakes?

Oh, come on. Sid will forget it like that. I mean, sure, it'll probably

emerge as late-life neurosis, but that ain't your problem, am I right?

Anyway, see you tomorrow, I guess.

I really like him being the nanny.

Finally getting to know my new fam.

Why is Simon sitting on the floor?

Ugh.

Drunk, demonic Mary Poppins.

Sorry, Sid.

Sid went to bed crying he didn't do it. It breaks my heart.

Poor Sid.

But we can't let that go.

Look, Lorna, something I need to say. You were right.

Something more disciplined would suit him. If he has got a problem, let's give

Grant the Academy a call.

What, really?

Because he took out the nanny.

We're still progressive, though.

Sorry, what was it you wanted to say, love? Oh, nothing, no.

We're still progressives. That's the important take-out message here.

Good night. Night, love.

You know Angela's husband?

What's his name?

Um, someone Eastern European?

Goran? He, um, fought in the Balkans, didn't he? Yeah.

Yeah, for years, apparently.

You're not going to answer that?

No.

Rachel, great to see you. Hi. Hi.

Sorry about that. It's a... China thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Tash was just having a sticky outside, so... Oh, my God.

Is this you?

Oh, hey.

Look, I'm just having a drink with a mate, so I can't really talk.

Sorry.

Rach, this is Tash.

Oh! Sorry, it's just we met earlier.

Oh. Ben has been going on and on about you ever since we met.

Oh, you're the one who got away.

No.

Ben, would you grab a drink?

Sure, sure.

You two are going to get on so well.

Wow.

Your margarita, Auntie.

Oh, Ken, I am madly in love with him.

In the business world, you're going to be a ruthless predator, aren't you, Sid?

Oh, hello, Ken.

Don't mind me.

Relaxing. Chris, Tickler Tops has taken a bit of a dislike to Steve. It's best

he just submits.

Oh, God.

What's that?

Oh, Gorin's coming over.

Ton.

Shit. I think that's Gorin. I have killed people in the army.

Relax, Ken. He's Latin. They get fired up over nothing. He's Vulcan.

They kill people.

Hey, that was a car in the drive.

Oh, man.

Well? One big ball of muscle.

You two. You're killing me, Shane.

Shane, guns are illegal in this country. This guy's got to take them. Take them

down. God. God.

Shit, shit, shit. Mike, everybody hide.

Shit. Well, that is unmanly. Come on, Sid. Honey, we're going to take you back

here so we don't see any blood.

Get out there!

No, we can just lie low until he's gone.

Then Marty comes home, and here's Gordon's side of the story, and...

Right, okay, all right. I'm going to have to get out of this using the old

Thompson silver tongue.

Open it.

Mr. Thompson!

I need to speak with you!

Oh, my God!

You'll provide a laugh!

It's all right. They were just winding me up, saying I was going to have to

fight you, so... You should be worried.

I deck your big ass right in!

He's tiny.

What is it about short men?

Short? I am roughly tight!

I know that you're angry, OK, but I think there's just been a little

misunderstanding. Eh?

No misunderstanding.

You come on to my wife, and then you gave her penis!

God! Penis. The flower.

You gave my wife penis!

I think... You need to calm down.

He's dead.

What?

Oh, my God.

Hang on. Have you taken his pulse?

No, I work off God instinct.

I could check his pulse if you like. Would you?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, strong pulse.

The human is alive, but he's unconscious.

Let's get him to the hospital.

There's Lorna.

Shit!

Welcome home, my love.

This is a very eager greeting. Well, I don't want to wait for something because

I have booked a table for us at... ...Palutio's.

Date night.

Ivy and Steve are going to look after Sid. Isn't it wonderful? Let's get

going. Ken, just let me take the weight off my feet a minute.

Take the weight off your feet at the restaurant.

All right, you two.

Hi, Lorna. Hi, Lorna. How is the thing?

Why aren't you sitting down?

Oh, sitting.

Lorna, come on, the restaurant.

Oh, Ken, what do you like?

Why don't you marry it?

Marry the restaurant, Ken. Fuck off, Steve.

What's going on?

What?

Hungry.

Oh, my.

A random man from the street.

No, that's Goran, Angela's husband.

Goran?

What happened?

What's he doing here? I don't know. Come on.

Did you see him come in?

Goran! Oh, yes, now.

He came round.

Did you pick up some stuff for Angela? It was a cashmere... Cardigan she left

on the radiator in the kitchen.

He looks dazed.

Ken, make him a cup of tea.

But Carlo Gioves. Oh, tea.

Maybe he can persuade Angela to come back. Problem solved.

That's a good idea.

Tea.

How's Angela, Goran? How's the head?

It hurts so much.

It's so heavy.

Yes, he's a big lad.

He's betolicked in the nursery.

What? Maybe you could have a word with Angela for us?

Angela.

Angela. Angela, he... I think Goran is very sick.

Feel his forehead.

Oh, Bernie.

You are going to hospital, young man. Come on, Angela, come on. Here we go.

Angela.

Hey, you're going to... Go on, before you go, I just... Lorna, let the man get

to hospital.

All right, before you go, I do want to apologise about Angela.

Why, you apologise?

It's not him.

I know he feels bad about it, but he's been having some problems lately.

He's never hit anyone before. Well, he's hit a few children, obviously.

Seriously? He is the terrible human being. Now, Boren, you've gone too far.

You're going to have to leave. He's bad.

Very bad. And annoying.

And he has bad clothes.

And a silly face.

How rude.

I know. The rude, rude man.

Yes. The bloody fantasist.

Sid, come here. Don't you listen to a thingy-bat.

I'm a bad person.

Oh, there, there. It's okay to be a little bad.

Look

what

we picked up after nursery.

Yep, sold out all my principles, but nice material.

Come on, love.

You wanted something and you've got it. How often does that happen?

Not that often, actually.

It's going to happen a lot more now that I'm here.

Oh. Are you going to make me evil?

Feels great, doesn't it? And the best part is, no one's ever going to know

unless you're mean to me. And then I'll tell immediately.

I've got your balls in a vice.

In a sisterly way.

Daddy, daddy, look what I drew today.

Oh, wow.

Well done.

Would you look at that?

Burn it

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