Original subtitles

>>> ANYBODY CAN SAY SOMETHING THAT CAN GET A LAUGH.

BUT SAY SOMETHING CLEAN AND GET A LAUGH, THAT REQUIRES A

COMEDIAN. >> I HAVE ENOUGH KIDS, EVEN

MORMONS ARE LIKE, YOU SHOULD SETTLE DOWN.

>> THEY DONT LIKE THE TITLE CLEAN COMEDIAN.

IT COMES DOWN TO WHETHER SOMEONE IS FUNNY OR NOT.

>> YOUVE EVER BEEN RUNNING TO AN ELEVATOR, THEY SEE YOU

RUNNING, THEY JUST STAND THERE. >> ITS NOT THAT CLEAN COMEDIANS

ARE MORE CLEVER OR THOUGHTFUL, ITS A DIFFERENT APPROACH.

>> WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? >> I USED TO GET THE ROLLING OF

THE EYES, THE CLEAN COMIC. >> ONE OF THE HIGHEST FORMS OF

COMEDY WHEN YOU CAN BE CLEAN AND JUST AS FUNNY AS THE DIRTY

COMICS. >> MY JOB IS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH,

NOT TO OFFEND YOU. >> HERES YOUR SIGN.

>> JUST BE FUNNY. THATS ALL.

♪ >>> THE FIRST THING THAT COMES

TO MY MIND WHEN I HEAR THE TERM CLEAN COMEDY IS OH, GOD, NO.

THEN I REMEMBER, OH, NO, THERES CLEAN COMEDY I REALLY LIKE.

LEFT‐HANDED PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE THAT THE WORD LEFT IS SO OFTEN

ASSOCIATED WITH NEGATIVE THINGS. LEFT‐HANDED COMPLIMENT, WHAT ARE

WE HAVING FOR DINNER, LEFTOVERS? YOU GO TO A PARTY, THERES

NOBODY THERE, WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?

THEY LEFT. >> MOST CLEAR COMEDY, I HEAR

BORING. TELL ME ‐‐ LET ME DECIDE WHEN I

WATCH HIM. >> THERE IS THE VEGETARIAN HOT

POCKET FOR THOSE OF US WHO DONT WANT TO EAT MEAT, BUT STILL

WOULD LIKE DIARRHEA. >> NO SWEARING, AND NOTHING THAT

IS WHAT I CONSIDER OFFENSIVE. >> THERE IS A STANDARD THAT SAYS

YOU CAN TRUST ME WITH YOUR AUDIENCE, WERE NOT GOING TO

JUST THROW IT ALL OUT THERE AND BE OFFENSIVE WITH EVERY TOPIC

THERE IS OUT THERE. WERE GOING TO MAKE YOU ALL

COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU LEAVE SO YOU DONT HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER

WHEN THIS IS OVER. >> IF YOURE WORKING TELEVISION

SITS ON TOP OF YOUR NON‐WORKING TELEVISION, YOU MIGHT BE A RED

NECK. >> ITS NOT A BAD THING FOR A

FAMILY TO BE ABLE TO SEE A COMEDY.

IT MAKES THEM ACCESSIBLE, AND AVAILABLE TO A BROADER MARKET.

>> I READ RECENTLY, KIM JONG‐UN IS CONSIDERING OUTLAWING SARCASM

IN NORTH KOREA. WOW.

I WONDER IF HE PROPOSED THAT TO HIS TEAM AND ONE OF HIS GENERALS

SAID, OH, YEAH, THAT WILL WORK. >> PROBABLY THE BEST COMEDIAN

WHO HAPPENS TO BE CLEAN IS BRIAN REGAN.

WHEN HE WOULD GET DONE WITH HIS SHOW NO ONE IN THE AUDIENCE IS

LIKE, I CANT BELIEVE HE DIDNT CURSE.

HE IS CLEAN NOT BECAUSE HE DID IT FOR CORPORATE MONEY, OR TO BE

MORE APPEALING FOR TELEVISION. HE DID IT BECAUSE HIS SENSE OF

HUMOR RINGS CLEAN. SO WE WANT BRIAN REGAN TO BE

CLEAN. ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO

SEE HIM GO OFF THE RAILS. JUST GET HIM DRUNK.

>> SOME LAW FIRMS DEAL WITH DUI, THEN AGGRAVATED DUI.

YOU KNOW WHAT I PULLED YOU OVER? >> YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW WHY YOU

PULLED ME OVER. >> HERES THE THING ABOUT REGAN,

DESPITE SOMEONE NOT CUSSING, IT DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU CANT

SENSE THAT THERES AN EDGE. HE IS QUINTESSENTIAL, EVERY

COMEDIAN, HE IS THEIR FAVORITE. YOU MOM NIGHT NEVER HAVE HEARD

OF HIM, BUT HE WOULD BE HER FAVORITE TOO.

>> DING DING DING, YEAH. >> THATS NORMALLY THE SIGN OF A

CLEAN COMEDIAN, ONE THAT THE AUDIENCE WANTS TO EMBRACE.

>> I HAD A MASSAGE TODAY, MY FIRST ONE.

HE TRIED TO RELAX ME. HE PLAYED MUSIC, A LITTLE

AGGRAVATING, THE TROMBONE KEPT HITTING ME IN THE HEAD.

I THINK IT WAS A TROMBONE. PRETTY SURE.

>> NEVER MET A PERSON WHO DOESNT LIKE ELLEN.

ITS A GIFT FROM GOD TO BE LIKABLE BY EVERYBODY.

SHES ALMOST LIKE A LOLLIPOP. IVE NEVER MET NOBODY, NOBODY

SAYS I HATE LOLLIPOPS. >> YOURE WALKING DOWN THE

STREET, GOOD DAY FOR YOU, TOO, GOOD SELF‐ESTEEM DAY, HAPPY WITH

YOUR OUTFIT, IT TAKES THE ONE TINY TRIP TO SUCK THE COOLNESS

OUT OF YOU. >> SHES GOT THAT JOKE WHEN

YOURE WATCHING AND YOU TRIP AND YOU LOOK AROUND TO MAKE SURE

NOBODY SAW YOU AND YOU DO THIS WHOLE PERFORMANCE FOR SOMEONE

WHO MIGHT HAVE SEEN YOU 50 YARDS AWAY WHERE YOU LOOK TO SEE WHAT

YOU COULD HAVE TRIPPED ON. ITS SO SPECIFIC, YET SO

UNIVERSAL. YOURE NEVER THINKING THAT WAS A

CLEAN SHOW, YOURE JUST THINKING I LAUGHED SO HARD, MY STOMACH

HURTS, MY CHEEKBONES HURT. >> COMEDIANS ONLY WANT ONE

ADJECTIVE, FUNNY. EMOW COMEDIAN, GAY COMEDIAN,

ETHNIC COMEDIAN, OH, THE FUNNIEST, WHEELCHAIR BOUND

COMEDIAN, NO ONE WANTS THAT, THEY JUST WANT FUNNY.

>> THE LAST COUPLE YEARS IVE REFERRED TO BILL COSBY AS THE

ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS BILL COSBY.

IT GIVES ME A WAY TO GO, YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

>> PULLS OUT A NEEDLE. THIS IS TO DEADEN THE PAIN.

>> HE TAKES A BREATH BETWEEN BITS.

HES GOT THE PATIENCE TO WAIT, AND KNOW ITS GOING TO BE FINE

WHEN YOU GET TO THE END. >> YOUR FACE, WHATS A MATTER

WITH YOU? >> OF THE TOP TEN COMEDIANS OF

ALL TIME, ONE WAS BILL COSBY. HIS ACT ON STAGE, CLEAN, HIS ACT

OFFSTAGE, FILTHY. ONE OF THE REASONS WHY THE

DIRTY/CLEAN THING IS SO COMPELLING WHATS BEHIND THAT

ISSUE IS AUTHENTICITY. I WANT THE COMEDIAN TO BE WHAT

THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE. AT A CERTAIN POINT THE AUDIENCE

TELLS YOU WE DONT LIKE THAT AND THEN YOU HAVE A HINT OF

YOURSELF. WE LIKE THAT.

WERE HEADING TO YOGA, MY WIFE SAYS, WAIT FOR ME, IM NOT

READY. ITS ALL JUST TRYING NOT TO PART

WHILE STRETCHING. >> COMICS, WHATS YOUR POINT OF

VIEW, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE EXPLAINED.

THEY SHOULD KNOW IT. >> MY DAD WOULD ALWAYS COMPARE

ME TO FAMOUS PEOPLE. IT WAS HORNL.

PRESIDENTS, THAT WAS HISFAVORITE THING.

YOU KNOW, LOUIE, WHEN LINCOLN WAS YOUR AGE, HE WALKED 20 MILES

TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, CHOPPED WOOD.

>> YEAH, DAD, BUT WHEN HE WAS YOUR AGE, HE WAS PRESIDENT.

>> A LOT OF COMEDIANS I LIKE, ITS THE CLOSER THEY GET TO WHO

THEY ARE. ON STAGE, IS WHAT MAKES IT

INTERESTING. >> EVERYWHERE I GO, AS SOON AS I

CHECK INTO MY HOTEL ROOM, I IMMEDIATELY HANG THE DO NOT

DISTURB SIGN ON THE DOOR, OR FOR THE SPANISH SPEAKING, NO

MOLESTE. THERES NO DECISION WHERE I

THOUGHT, OH, IM GOING TO BE A CLEAN COMEDIAN.

THAT WAS KIND OF A CREEPY FEELING.

HANGING THAT ON MY DOOR BEFORE BED.

>> I JUST WROTE JOKES, AND I DIDNT GET PLEASURE OUT OF USING

VULGARITY OR CURSING. >> IM PISSED, IM ANG RAY, AND

IM CRAZIER THAN ANYBODY IN THE ROOM.

>> GO [ BLEEP ] YOURSELF. I STUMBLED INTO THAT CONCEIT

STAGE IN PART BECAUSE OF PROTECTION BUT IN PART THATS

WHERE IT CAME FROM, DISCOVERING MY VOICE, THAT IM FUNNIEST WHEN

IM ANGRY. >> THE LITTLE BITCHES, THAT

DROVE ME IN THAT DIRECTION. >> NEXT WEEK IM GOING TO HAVE

AN MRI TO FIND OUT WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE CLAUSTROPHOBIA.

>> IT HAS TO DO WITH A MESSENGER DELIVERING THE JOKE, NOT

NECESSARILY THE JOKE. WHOEVER THE MESSENGER OF THE

COMEDY IS, AS LONG AS ITS AUTHENTIC AND REAL TO THEM, IT

WILL BE AUTHENTIC AND REAL TO US.

>> I WROTE ONE NEW JOKE SINCE MY TWINS WERE BORN.

IS THIS FUNNY? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

>> HI, HI, EVERYBO

>>> RED, THIS CANT GO ON. >> WHY?

>> I LOVE MY WIFE. IVE NEVER LOVED ANYBODY ELSE.

WE WERE SWEETHEARTS SINCE WE WERE KIDS.

>> SHE DOESNT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT US.

>> BACK AS EARLY AS THE 1920s, PEOPLE WERE SAYING HOLLYWOOD WAS

THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE DECAYING MORALITY OF THE

COUNTRY. >> AND THEN BASICALLY HOLLYWOOD

SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT, STAY AWAY, HERES WHAT WELL DO.

WELL GOVERN OURSELVES. >> THE HISTORY OF COMEDY, UNTIL

RECENT TIMES, WAS ABOUT COMEDIANS TRYING TO GET AS CLOSE

TO THAT PROFANE WORLD AS THEY COULD WITHOUT GETS ARRESTED.

>> WC FIELDS, AN ORENRY GUY, FOUND A GREAT WAY TO SWEAR

WITHOUT SWEARING, HE WOULD SAY DRAT.

WHEN HE SAID DRAT, YOU KNEW WHAT HE WAS SAYING, HED SAY GOD FREE

DANIEL, THAT WAS LIKE GODDAMNIT. >> SO THE RULES WERE ARCHAIC BY

THE TIME TELEVISION CAME IN. THOSE RULES REMAINED, LARGELY,

YOU COULDNT REFER TO SEX, YOU COULDNT SWEAR.

>> WELL WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO DURING THE DAY, AND

WELL ALLOW SO MUCH TIME FOR EACH THING.

TEN MINUTES FOR THIS, 15 MINUTES FOR THAT.

>> OH, IM GOING TO NEED MORE THAN 15 MINUTES FOR THAT.

>> SEXUAL INNUENDO IS SAYING IT WITHOUT SAYING IT.

THERE WERE JUST THESE RIDICULOUS WAYS TO TRY TO TITILLATE THE

AUDIENCE WITH SOMETHING THAT ALMOST WAS SEXUAL.

>> OH, JACK, I WANT TO FLY WITH YOU.

>> WHERE? >> OH, YOU MEAN WANT TO ‐‐ OH,

FLY. THATS ‐‐ OH.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY? IS IT TIME FOR TAKEOFF?

>> THERES DIFFERENT STRATEGIES WRITERS USE TO TRY TO SNEAK

TABOO MATERIAL IN. >> THERES AN EPISODE WHERE A

TERM KEBABES WERE USED AS A GENITALIA REFERENCE.

SHE. >> NICE CATITS.

>> YOU CAN SAY CATITS, THATS NOT A WORD.

THAT, TO ME IS A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE OF GOING AROUND THE

THING YOU CANT SAY, NOT ONLY WAS IT FUNNIER, IT WAS TEN TIMES

FUNNIER. >> FIGURING OUT HOW TO GET

AROUND THE RULES SPAWNS EVEN BETTER COMEDY.

LIKE SEINFELD TO ME WAS THE ULTIMATE GETTING AROUND THE

SENSORS AND POINTED JOKES, TERMS FOR THINGS THAT WERE SEXUAL, YOU

KNOW, SHRINKAGE. >> I THINK THAT YOU THINK THAT A

CERTAIN SOMETHING IS NOT ALL THAT IT COULD BE.

WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS ALL THAT IT SHOULD BE AND MORE.

>> SEINFELD, THEY WERE THE MASTER OF EUPHEMISMS.

>> SHRINKAGE IS REALLY WHAT IT IS THOUGH, THATS TECHNICALLY

CORRECT. >> IT SHRINKS?

>> ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT LARRY DAVID AND JERRY SEINFELD

WAS THEIR LOVE OF LANGUAGE. THEY HAD A MASTERY THAT ENABLED

THEM TO COME UP WITH CLEVER SOLUTIONS TO CENSORSHIPS.

>> I WANT TO BE IN ON THIS TOO. >> OH, NO, NO, NO.

>> WHY? WHAT, WHY?

>> BECAUSE YOURE A WOMAN. >> SO WHAT?

>> ITS EASIER FOR A WOMAN NOT TO DO IT THAN A MAN.

WE HAVE TO DO IT, ITS PART OF OUR LIFESTYLE.

>> JERRY WAS THE ONE WHO FIRST SAID WE CANNOT MENTION THE WORD

MASTURBATION OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ALLUDED TO. >> YES, I AM MASTER OF MY

DOMAIN. >> I WAS REALLY PREPARED TO ‐‐

WITH THE SHOW, NBC DIDNT DO IT. >> YOURE NOT DOING THE SHOW,

WELL, [ BLEEP ] YOU, IM DONE. WE ALL GOT TO THE OFFICE, AND

SAID HEY, THIS IS GREAT, WHAT, YEAH, WELL.

>> WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? >> THERES A NAKED WOMAN ACROSS

THE STREET. >> THIS IS GOING TO BE THE

EASIEST MONEY IVE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE.

>> IM OUT. >> THEY BRILLIANTLY FIGURED HOW

TO GET THAT PAST THE SENSORS IN A WAY THAT EVERYBODY KNEW WHAT

WAS BEING TALKED ABOUT. >> WE TORTURED THE SENSORS, "IN

LIVING COLOR," HALF THE TIME THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT WE

WERE TALKING ABOUT. >> ALLOW ME TO ‐‐ MYSELF.

>> WE USED TO PUT WHAT WE CALLED DECOYS INTO OUR SCRIPTS, THINGS

SO OUTRAGEOUS, THEYD SAY YOU CANT DO THAT, AT LEAST GIVE US

THIS, THE THING WE REALLY WANTED.

>> LET ME BE VENEREAL IN MY REQUISITION FOR THE BODY OF THIS

CONGREGATION AS THE GREEK PHILOSOPHER ‐‐ I LICKIS MY

PROBISCUS. >> ITS BARGAINING, TWO BALLS

FOR ONE VAGINA. >> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> I THINK YOU MADE A VAGINA. >> YOU START NEGOTIATE BEING

THEM FOR WHAT YOU CAN AND CANT HAVE.

>> YOU THINK MY VAGINA HAS CURTAINS.

>> I DONT KNOW HOW LONG ITS BEEN.

>> TWO BROKE GIRLS WAS TRYING TO MAKE A TV SHOW THAT MOVES THE

NEEDLE AND CHANGES MINDS AND YOU CANT DO THAT BY PLAYING SAFE,

PURE AND SIMPLE, BUT ITS THEIR JOB TO KEEP THEIR JOB AND ITS

MY JOB TO PUSH THE ENVELOPE. >> EXCUSE ME, WHERES THEY MY

WAITRESS? >> SHES COMING.

>> AND ITS THIS. AND ITS THIS.

>> MODERN FAMILY GOT TO WRITE THE EPISODE WHERE THE LADY IS

SAYING [ BLEEP ], BUT SHE WAS SAYING FUDGE.

ITS GETTING BLEEPED. OH [ BLEEP ].

BUT IT WAS ABOUT THE WORDS. WE WERE ABLE TO MAKE THE CASE IN

THE CENTRAL PART OF THE EPISODE. [ BLEEP ].

>> I HAVE TWO CHILDREN. >> SO THERES A WEIRD THING ON

BROADCAST TELEVISION WHERE YOU TRY TO FORGET THAT ITS NOT ART,

AND THAT ITS A BUSINESS, BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOURE

REMINDED THAT THERES STILL PEOPLE WHO PUT MONEY INTO THIS

THAT KEEP US ON THE AIR AND THEY HAVE A SAY AND THATS WHY WE

CANT SAY [ BLEEP ] MORE THAN FOUR TIMES.

>> THIS IS BULL [ >>> YOU WERE FAMILY FRIENDLY,

RIGHT, YOU DO NOT USE WEIRD LANGUAGE, A CLEAN ACT.

>> IF IM TALKING ABOUT TAKING NAPS OR MINI MUFFINS, DO YOU

REALLY NEED TO THROW AN "F" BOMB IN THERE.

>> KALE IS A SUPER FOOD, ITS SPECIAL POWER IS TASTING BAD.

YOU CAN FIND OUT IT CURES CANCER, AND ID BE LIKE IM

GOING TO DO THE CHEMO, ALL RIGHT.

>> AS COMEDIANS, THERE WAS THIS SAYING THAT TAKES YOU TEN YEARS

TO FIND YOUR VOICE. I WENT THROUGH PERIODS WHERE I

WAS SMOKING ON STAGE. I WAS ENERGETIC.

I WAS POLITICAL. BUT IT WASNT NECESSARILY

AUTHENTIC TO WHO I WAS. >> JIM GAFFIGAN PAINTS AN

AMAZING PICTURE. AND IF YOU INSERT A SWEAR IN

THERE, IT JUST DILUTES THE WHOLE BEAUTY OF THE PAINTING.

>> THERES PRESSURE TO ENJOY SUMMER, RIGHT, IM FROM THE

MIDWEST, ITS ALMOST A PANIC. GO OUT THERE, HAVE FUN, WINTER

IS COMING TO KILL US. GO GET SKIN CANCER NOW.

>> HES ALWAYS GOING TO GIVE YOU A DIFFERENT TAKE.

LIKE, FINDING A GOLD COIN ON THE BEACH WHERE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

HAVE WALKED BY IT AND ALL THE SUDDEN HE JUST SEES IT.

IT WAS JUST RIGHT THERE. HE HAS THAT ABILITY.

GOD DAMN YOU, GAFFIGAN. >> WERE NEVER READY FOR THE

SEASONS OF CHANGE, IN OCTOBER WERE CAUGHT OFF GUARD, OH, ITS

GETTING COLD, WHAT IS THIS, EVERY YEAR NOW?

>> HE REALLY WORKS HARD TO GET ALL THE FUNNY OUT OF THE JOKE.

LIKE HE REALLY IS LIKE WRINGING THE FUNNY OUT.

>> HOW MANY JOKES ABOUT SEASONS DOES THIS GUY HAVE?

>> I CAME HOME THE OTHER DAY I WAS HELPING MY WIFE FOLD

CLOTHES, A LITTLE PAIR OF SKIMPY UNDERWEAR, I LOOKED AT MY WIFE

AND I SAID, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR THESE FOR ME, SHE SAID I

CANT, THEYRE YOUR DAUGHTERS. NO, NO, NO.

>> I CAN DROP AN "F" BOMB, AND ILL GET A LAUGH, BUT I THINK

PEOPLE APPRECIATE WHEN YOUVE TAKEN THE TIME TO REALLY THINK A

BIT THROUGH AND HOW CAN I DO THIS AND WALK THAT LINE?

AS WE ALL KNOW, IF YOUVE EVER DROPPED A BANK SAFE ON YOUR FOOT

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN PROFANITY IS THE RIGHT TOOL AT THE RIGHT

TIME. BUT ITS OFTEN A CRUTCH.

>> HEY ‐‐ >> THERES NO DOUBT THAT I DONT

NEED TO BE THROWING THE "F" BOMBS AS MUCH AS I DO.

>> YOU STUPID [ BLEEP ]. I HATE TO SIDE WITH MY MOTHER

AND GRANDMOTHER AND MY WIFE, BUT SOMETIMES ITS JUST BECAUSE IM

LAZY. >> AS AN ARTIST, YOU CAN TELL

WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING LAZY AND USING IT AS A CRUTCH.

BUT THERES AN ART TO IT. >> I HAD A GUY COME TO ME ONE

DAY AND TELL ME ABOUT ‐‐ WHATS YOUR FAVORITE POSITION?

I SAID, WELL, IT DEPENDS ON THE SIZE OF[ BLEEP ], MY POSITION IS

WITH ANOTHER MOTHER [ BLEEP ]. >> THIS ISNT MAJOR LEAGUE

BASEBALL. IM HERE TO CHEAT.

YOU SAY I LOVE YOUR MOTHER [ BLEEP ] ASS, I SAID, DAD, TELL

ME, CUSSING SAVES THE SOUL. THAT HE SHOULD START CUSSING IN

CHURCHES, IT WOULD SAVE A LOT OF SOULS.

>> PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR SINBAD.

>> I WAS DIRLYTY WHEN I STARTED. A LOT OF PEOPLE DONT KNOW.

I WAS DIRTY WHEN I STARTED. I SOUNDED LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

I SAID I WONDER IF I COULD CLEAN IT UP, AND THEN PICK UP, AND I

DID. >> PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY AINT

NEVER BEEN IN McDONALDS, GOT THE SAME MENU, YOU GUYS ARE

GOING, OH, GIVE ME, UH, LET ME SEE IF YOU HAVE, UH, YOU KNOW

WHAT THEY GOT. >> I DONT CARE HOW YOU DO IT,

IF THAT JOKE DOESNT WORK WITHOUT THE CUSS WORDS, ITS NOT

A JOKE. IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO SWING BOTH

WAYS. IF YOU COULD SWING IT THROUGH

BOTH WAYS, YOU GOT YOURSELF A JOKE, A ROUTINE.

>> THOSE COMEDIANS WHO DONT RELY IN BLUE COMEDY, THEY RELY

ON THEIR WORDS AND THE PUNCH LINES AND THE DELIVERIES.

>> PLEASE WELCOME JERRY STEIN STEINFELD.

>> JERRY SEINFELD. >> WHATS THE THING WITH THE

POST OFFICE WITH THE WANTED POSTERS ON THE WALLS?

MY MIN QUESTION WITH THE WANTED POSTERS ON THE WALL, WHY DIDNT

THEY HANK ONTO THIS GUY WHEN THEY TOOK HIS PICTURE?

>> SEINFELD WAS THE MASTER OF THE MINUTIA OF LIFE, THE MORE

SPECIFIC HE CAN BE, THE BETTER. A WRITTENTURE CRAFTSMAN.

>> LIGHT, CEREAL, THAT WAS A BALSY NAME, I THAULSALWAYS THOUG

LIFE. SQUARIES, ITS MUCH BIGGER THAN

THAT. THIS IS LIFE, I TELL YOU.

>> JERRY SEINFELD IS TECHNICALLY AND WORKWISE, THE GREATEST

COMEDIAN, SOMEONE WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT THE STRUCTURE OF A

JOKE. >> I SAW A STUDY THAT SAID

SPEAKING IN FRONT OF A CROWD HAS BECOME THE NUMBER ONE FEAR OF

THE AVERAGE PERSON. I FOUND THAT AMAZING.

NUMBER TWO WAS DEATH. TO THE AVERAGE PERSON, IF YOU

HAVE TO BE AT A FUNERAL, YOU WOULD RATHER BE IN THE CASKET

THAN DOING THE EULOGY. >> SEINFELD, GAFFIGAN, REGAN,

THEY INSPIRE OTHERS TO TRY IT AS A CHALLENGE.

FUNNY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WOULD OFFEND THEIR

MOTHER. >> FREEDOM, FREEDOM IS GREAT,

BUT I DONT POP UP ALONE IN BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT GOING

I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. IM NOT ROLLING AROUND IN BED,

LOOK AT THE FREEDOM. I HAVE SO MUCH FREEDOM.

FREEDOM. >> COMICS DONT GET CREDIT FOR

HIGH DEGREES OF DIFFICULTY. WHEN WE SEE CLEAN COMICS THAT

ARE SUPER FUNNY, WE REALIZE ITS A HIGHER DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY.

>> I HAD TO CHEAT ON A TEACHER THAT I WAS DATING AND I WANTED

AN "A." HE WANTED AN "F."

YOU KNOW WHAT? I ‐‐ WE BOTH SETTLED FOR A "B."

>>> WELL THEY GOT THE DEEP DOWN DIRT, WE TURN TO THE NEW POWER

SUCK MODE. >> WHEN I STARTED WORKING WITH

TIM ALLEN ON HOME IMPROVEMENT, I HAD NEVER SEEN HIS ACT.

I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS. I ONLY NEW ONE THING.

I WAS SORT OF AMAZED THAT THE GUYS I WAS WORKING WITH BUILT A

SHOW AROUND IT, BUT THEY DID AND IT WAS GREAT.

>> HIS COMEDY WAS VERY, VERY SPECIFIC, AND IT CATERED TO THE

MAN. HE HAD A SET THAT WAS TAILOR

MADE FOR A POINT OF VIEW THAT WAS FOR TELEVISION.

BUT HE DID HAVE TO TONE IT DOWN. >> IT WAS ACTUALLY A VERY

UNCOMFORTABLE TRANSITION FROM TIM ALLEN THE COMEDIAN TO TIM

ALLEN THE ABC SITCOM STAR. I DONT WORK WONDERFULLY CLEAN.

>> THE FIRST DAY TO SHRINK ON A MAN IN HIS REAL SCARE.

YOU WOULD IF YOU HAD THE BALLS, RIGHT?

LOOK AT THEM. DO YOU WANT TO SET OF THESE UGLY

[ BLEEP ], I DONT THINK SO. YEAH, I HAD SOME ELBOW SKIN LEFT

OVER. YEAH.

A MAJOR DESIGN PROBLEM HERE. >> TIM ALLEN.

>> WHEN I FIRST GOT "HOME IMPROVEMENT" I WAS SELLING OUT

LARGE VENUES PRIOR TO THAT, BUT AFTER THAT THE VENUES HAD TO GET

BIGGER. I HAD TO ALERT THE CROWD, YOU

SHOULDNT BRING CHILDREN TO THIS.

I WALK OUT AND THE WHOLE FRONT ROW IS LIKE A GIRL SCOUT GROUP.

I THINK THE DAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, YOU CAN BLOW A BUDDY

IF HES NOT FEELING GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF.

HEY, BUD, IM SORRY ABOUT LOSING YOUR JOB, THAT WILL MAKE YOU

FEEL FUNNY. I REMEMBER THIS WONDERFUL WOMAN

SAYS, WE LOVED THE SHOW, LITTLE DIFFICULT EXPLAINING FALLATIO TO

A 9‐YEAR‐OLD. I SENT HER MONEY BACK.

>> HI, HONEY. YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER TODAY, BUT

IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

>> A LOT OF TIMES WITH SITCOMS, YOU BECOME THIS HOUSEHOLD NAME

AND SOMEBODY SEES YOU DIRTY AND YOU GO LIKE THIS.

>> I GOT MARRIED, MARRIED MY GIRLFRIEND OF SEVEN YEARS,

THATS HER AGE, IM GOING TO JAIL.

>> LETS SAY YOU KNOW HIM FROM "FULL HOUSE," THATS THE FATHER

FROM "FULL HOUSE," WE SHOULD TAKE THE KIDS AND GO TO THE

SHOW. YOULL SHOOT YOURSELF AT THE

FRONT TABLE. WHAT HAVE I DONE?

>> THANK YOU. >> WHEN PEOPLE SAW BOB A LOT.

THEY WERE LIKE ‐‐ >> I SEE PEOPLES FACES AND A

LOT OF NICE LADIES IN THE AUDIENCE ARE LIKE ‐‐ YOU JUST

KEEP YOUR MOUTH LIKE THAT, ILL BE RIGHT THERE.

>> HE LOVED IT. HE LOVED THAT THEY WERE THROWN

OFF. HE WAS FREE.

[ BLEEP ] AND SUCK MY HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR [ BLEEP ].

>> THATS THE PERFECT ROOM. YOU GET TO HAVE A TV SHOW, MAKE

SOME MONEY, BUT YOU ALSO GET TO DO STANDUP COMEDY AND BE WHO YOU

ARE. >> GREAT SUCCESS.

DOESNT COME FOR EVERYBODY. THE LANDSCAPE IS STREWN WITH THE

BODIES OF STANDUPS WHO GOT TELEVISION DEALS AND IT JUST

DIDNT WORK. >> MY BUTT IS REALLY SORE.

>> FROM WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING PIN THE TAIL ON THE HONKY.

>> THEY TRIED SITCOMS WITH DAVE CHAPPELL.

ITS NOT JUST FINDING THE FUNNIEST PERSON WITH THE

FUNNIEST VOICE. ITS NOT THAT EASY.

>> IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH?

>> WOW, YOU LOOK COLD. >> IT IS TRICKY WHEN, AS A

COMEDIAN, YOU FIND YOUR VOICE, AND YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT

TO TALK ABOUT AND THEY GIVE YOU A TV SHOW AND THEYRE, LIKE, OH,

YOU CANT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THATS GOTTEN YOU TO THIS POINT.

>> IM ALWAYS TRYING TO LOOK GOOD FOR GUYS, ITS ALWAYS

BACKFIRING ON ME. YOURE ALWAYS ON A DIET.

IM ON A DIET BECAUSE IM TRYING TO GET THE BODY OF THE WOMEN YOU

JERK OFF TO AFTER I FALL ASLEEP. >> THE WHOLE REASON YOU GOT INTO

COMEDY IS BECAUSE YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT AND THEN YOU

GET ON TELEVISION AND YOU CAN ONLY SAY 2% OF WHAT YOU WANT.

>> YOU SAY IN THAT BED, A STORM OF SEXY IS GOING TO COME YOUR

WAY. SO JUST GET YOUR UMBRELLA.

>> AS A STANDUP COMIC YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT, CAN I STILL BE A

LARGE ENOUGH PERCENTAGE OF MYSELF IN THIS NETWORK FORMAT

THAT I CAN STILL BE EFFECTIVE DOING WHAT I DO?

>> ITS NOTHING TO BE OVERLY CONCERNED ABOUT.

JUST WATCH YOUR WORDS. >> I DID THE BERNIE MACK SHOW ON

TELEVISION, THE BIGGEST THING I WAS COMPETING AGAINST WAS THE

COMEDIAN, HES FUNNY WHEN HE SAYS THINGS LIKE I DONT GIVE A

[ BLEEP ] ABOUT THESE MOTHER [ BLEEP ].

>> ILL KICK A KID ASS, WHEN A KID GET 1 YEARS OLD ‐‐

>> BERNIE MACK THE COMEDIAN COULD BE AS DIRTY AS HE WANTED

TO BE. I COULDNT DO THAT STUFF ON A

NETWORK TELEVISION SHOW. >> I WONT LET GO.

>> YOU PROMISE? >> I PROMISE.

THIS IS YOUR UNCLE BERNIE, OKAY? >> I HAD TO GET THE ESSENCE OF

WHAT WAS FUNNY, BUT FIND A DIFFERENT WAY TO TELL THIS STORY

THAT WE COULD APPRECIATE HOW FUNNY HE REALLY IS, AND NOT

COMPETE AGAINST THAT STANDUP. >> YEAH, YEAH.

NO. BABY GIRL.

>> BERNIE MACK IS NOT SOMEBODY YOU WANT TO PLUG INTO ANY

SITCOM. MAKE SURE HE FEELS COMFORT NL,

NOT ALLOWED TO SWEAR OR ALLOWED TO BE AS BIG A PERSONALITY AS HE

WOULD BE ON STAGE, THAT HE STILL GETS TO DO ENOUGH OF WHAT HE

DOES FOR THE VIEWER AT HOME TO BE LIKE I LIKE THIS GUY.

I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING AN AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE HERE.

>> I TOLD YOU TELEVISION WAS NOT GOING TO CHANGE ME, AND IT

HASNT. I STILL SHARE

>>> I CAME FROM AN INTERESTING BACKGROUND, IM AN ONLY CHILD

AND BEING LATINO, YOU GUYS ARE THINKING THATS ETHNICALLY

IMPOSSIBLE. >> IN THE 70s AND 80s, A

COMEDIAN WORKED CLEAN HOPING TO GET A SPOT ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

IF THE BOOKER FROM THE TONIGHT SHOW SAW YOU AND YOU WERE DIRTY,

YOU WERE OUT. >> I DONT CARE HOW DIRTY A

COMIC, YOU WERE, YOU HAD TO HAVE YOUR FIVE MINUTES FOR JOHNNY

CARSON, MERV GRIFFIN. >> I HAVE A BACKGROUND, IRISH

AND GERMAN, THIN, ANGRY, HUNGRY PEOPLE.

>> THE GREAT CHEFS OF IRE RAND. >> TERRIFYING IS WHAT FIVE

MINUTES IS. ITS A BIG DEAL FOR THE

POPULATION THAT LOVES STANDUP COMICS, THATS WHERE YOU SAW US.

>> WELCOME WHITNEY CUMMINGS. >> YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT FIVE

MINUTES, YOUD BE CHANGING THINGS, OR FINDING SYNONYMS TO

VULGERIZE YOUR SET. >> NEXT WOMAN TO GET MARRIED,

CATCH THE BOUQUET, SEE IF ONE GUY TALKS TO YOU FOR THE REST OF

THE NIGHT. >> COMICS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A

HALLMARK OF OUR SHOW, AND ONE OF THE BIG CHALLENGES IS TRYING TO

FIGURE OUT, OKAY, THIS IS WORKING REALLY WELL IN THE

CLUBS. BUT WHEN YOU PUT A TELEVISION

LENS JUST A COUPLE OF FEET AWAY FROM THE PERFORMER, IT CAN FEEL

TOO ABRASIVE. ITS TOO MUCH.

JIM GAFFIGAN. YOU CANT CURSE, YOU CANT TALK

ABOUT DRUGS. THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WOULD

HAVE JOKES AND THERE WOULD BE LIKE, YOU CANT DO THAT JOKE

BECAUSE YOU SAY CRACK HEAD. AND IM LIKE, I DID THIS JOKE IN

FRONT OF THE POPE A WEEK AGO. >> SOME PEOPLE DONT LIKE

RELIGION JOKES, ESPECIALLY THE ONES GOING TO HELL.

BY THE WAY, TO MOST COMEDIANS, SAYING YOU CANT DO SOMETHING,

MIGHT AS WELL BE SAYING YOU SHOULD DO THIS.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF COMEDIANS WHERE THEYRE LIKE JUST DONT

CURSE, AND THEYLL GO UP THERE AND CURSE IMMEDIATELY.

>> LEO WAS YOUR PHILIPINO ‐‐ FARKING TICKET.

I HAVE TO WRITE FOR YOU THE FARKING TICKET.

HE SAID, HES NOT ‐‐ HES MY ‐‐ ‐‐

>> A CLEAN COMIC IS A DREAM FOR ME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE TO BEG

FOR A JOKE TO GET PASSED BY A NETWORK OR CROSS MY FINGERS AND

TOES AND WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE GETTING PISSED OFF.

THERES NO RULE BOOK ON A SHOW LIKE THE COLBERT SHOW.

EVERY DAY IM FIGURING OUT WHAT WE CAN AND CANT DO AND THE

BOUNDARIES AND HOW FAR CAN WE GO?

>> WHY DID GAY GUYS GET TO CHOOSE WHO THE HOT WOMEN ARE.

I THOUGHT STRAIGHT GUYS GOT TO DECIDE.

YOURE LIKE, ALL RIGHT, AND THE TONY GOES TO ‐‐ ROCKY AGAIN.

ITS A COMPLETELY SEPARATE TYPE OF COMEDY LATE NIGHT COMEDY.

SOME COMICS ARE GOOD AT IT. BUT SOME COMICS, IT FEELS LIKE

IT BECOMES TOO MUCH WORK TO CONSTRUCT YOUR THING FOR THAT

MEDIUM. >> HELLO?

>> RICHARD PRYOR WAS NEVER AS FUNNY ON THE TONIGHT SHOW AS HE

WAS DOING STANDUP. HE WAS GOOD, BUT THEY WERE NEVER

AS FUNNY. >> ITS VERY RARE YOU SEE

SOMEONES FIVE MINUTES ON TV AND ITS AS GOOD AS THEIR HOUR IN A

COMEDY CLUB. >> GUYS, IF YOU COULD BLOW

YOURSELVES, LADIES, YOUD BE IN THIS ROOM ALONE RIGHT NOW.

WATCHING AN EMPTY STAGE. LIKE, I NEVER SAW BILL HICKS

LIVE, BUT I HAVE FIRSTHAND ACCOUNTS FROM FRIENDS SAYING,

THERES NO ONE BETTER. >> HE WAS BOOKED ON THE LATE

SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN IN 1993, AND HE DID HIS SET, WHICH

HAD BEEN APPROVED BY THE BOOKERS IN ADVANCE.

>> PEOPLE ANNOY ME. WHATS ANNOYING ME IS THESE

PRO‐LIFE PEOPLE, YOU EVER LOOK AT THEIR FACES?

IM PRO‐LIFE. THEY DONT LOOK IT, THEY JUST

EXUDE IT. YOU SEE THEM TRYING TO GO TO AN

ORPHANAGE TO ADOPT A KID. DONT PICK ME.

>> DID FINE IN FRONT OF THAT AUDIENCE, AND THEN AFTER THE

SET, ROBERT MORTON, GOT ON THE PHONE, SOME CONFERENCE UPSTAIRS

AND THEY DECIDED TO CUT IT FROM THE EPISODE.

THEY SAID IT WAS TOO OFFENSIVE. >> THE BILL HICKS INCIDENT ON

LETTERMAN BECAME THE THING OF LEGEND.

SO WHEN WE TALK ABOUT CLEAN COMEDY AND DIRTY COMEDY, IT WAS

COMPLETELY WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE ON NETWORK

TELEVISION. >> IF THATS WHO YOURE BRINGING

ONTO YOUR SHOW, THATS WHAT YOURE GOING TO GET.

IF YOURE NOT WANTING THAT, YOURE GOING TO GET, PROBABLY, A

TERRIBLE VERSION OF THAT PERSON. >> BILL HICKS FELT VIOLATED.

HE NEVER DID THE LETTERMAN SHOW AGAIN, AND IT HAUNTED DAVE.

>> I WANT YOU FOLKS TO ENJOY THIS, HONESTLY.

>> YEARS LATER, AFTER HICKS HAD DIED, LETTERMAN HAD HICKS MOM

ON THE SHOW AND THEY PLAYED THE SET IN ITS ENTIRETY.

>> I THINK ITS INTERESTING TO NOTE HOW PEOPLE ACT ON RELIGIOUS

BELIEFS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE A LOT OF CHRISTIANS WEAR

CROSSES AROUND THEIR NECKS. NICE SENTIMENT.

DO YOU THINK WHEN JESUS COMES BACK HES REALLY GOING TO WANT

TO LOOK AT A CROSS? IT WAS TRAIL BLAZING, AND BILL

HICKS IS AMAZING, BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO BE FIRST AND YOU USUALLY

GET CHOPPED DOWN AND THE NEXT GUY COMES THROUGH.

THATS WHAT HAPPENED. >> IVE NOT SEEN THAT VIDEOTAPE,

OR ANY PART OF IT SINCE THAT NIGHT, AND SEEING IT NOW, IT

RAISES THE QUESTION, WHAT WAS THE MATTER WITH ME?

WHAT WAS I THINKING? THAT WAS JUST TREMENDOUS.

>> LATE NIGHT TV IS NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE.

ITS GREAT TO DO CONAN OR FALLON.

ALL GREAT, BUT THATS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOUR CAREER ANYMORE.

IF YOU WIND UP ON COMEDY CENTRAL NOW, YOU COULD WIND UP DOING A

HALF HOUR FOR NETFLIX, NETWORK TV NO LONGER CONTROLS WHO IS

FAMOUS. >> ITS MORE ABOUT PODCASTS AND

THINGS THAT GET A BIGGER SENSE OF YOU THAN JUST LIKE, HOW YOU

DOING, FOLKS? WITH THE PODCASTS, IT GIVES THE

COMEDIAN, THE FREEDOM, THERE ARE NO RESTRICTIONS.

THEYRE JUST TOPICS WE TALK ABOUT THAT ARE NORMALLY TABOO.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT, DADDY?

>> YOU SAID IT. >> ARE YOU GOOD TO YOUR MATE?

>> AND DO THEY RECIPROCATE? >> AND THE RESPONSE WERE

GETTING IS PEOPLE ARE SAYING, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO OPEN, AND

HONEST. >> THERES THE PREMIUM FOR THEM

TO BE COMPLETELY WHO THEY ARE, AND NOW AUDIENCES ARE MORE

FINELY TUNED TO SNIFF OUT THE BS.

IM LISTENING TO MARK MARIN AND I KNOW HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS

FATHER WHEN HE GOES ON STAGE, THERES A SHORTHAND SO HE CAN GO

DEEPER FASTER. >> I DONT THINK IM AFRAID TO

DIE. ID PREFER IT HAPPENS QUICKLY.

LIKE THE TRANSITION I JUST WANTED IT TO BE LIKE, BOOM,

BOOM, ID LIKE MY LAST WORDS TO BE SOMETHING LIKE,

>>> TWO YEARS AGO I WAS ASKED TO PERFORM AT A CHARITY GOLF

TOURNAMENT IN NEW JERSEY AND I SAID YES BECAUSE IM NOT AGAINST

CHARITY. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> IM NOT GOING TO [ BLEEP ] CHARITY.

WHAT AM I? A MONSTER.

>> THE ONLY THING ABOUT BEING A CLEAN COMIC I THINK IS ITS

OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH CORPORATE EVENTS.

>> AS A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN, YOU HAVE TO LEARN IF YOU DO A

CORPORATE GIG, IT HAS TO BE CLEAN.

>> THEY SAY GET UP AND ENTERTAIN THESE PEOPLE BUT DONT SAY

ANYTHING THAT WOULD BE ENTERTAINING AND THEN YOU GO ALL

RIGHT. YOU GO UP AND DO YOUR BEST.

YOU USUALLY FAIL AND THEN YOU LEAVE.

>> THE WOMAN IN CHARGE WALKS UP TO ME AND GOES OKAY, MIKE, THERE

IS TWO SPEAKERS AND THEN YOU. THE FIRST SPEAKER WALKS ON AND

HES AN 11‐YEAR‐OLD BOY WHO SURVIVED LEUKEMIA.

I KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> HES NOT FUNNY AT ALL. >> STANDUP IS A STRUGGLE.

THE START OF YOUR CAREER. EVENTUALLY, IF YOURE FUNNY YOU

WILL MAKE MONEY. ITS JUST A LONG GAME BUT A

CORPORATE GIG CAN BE A PAYCHECK. >> IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A LOT OF

MONEY DOING LIVE STANDUP, ITS IN CORPORATE AND COLLEGES SO YOU

GOT TO WORK CLEAN IF YOU WANT THE BIG BUCKS.

>> YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE CALCULATION, AM I A SELLOUT OR

OR BUSINESSMAN. >> LIKE TESTING A BATTERY.

>> IM TOO DIRTY TO DO CORPORATE AND ITS AMAZINGLY UNFORTUNATE

BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY IN CORPORATE.

BELIEVE ME, I WOULD DO IT IN A SECOND IF I COULD.

>> I DID A VERY CONSERVATIVE JEWISH RESTAURANT.

THEY HAD THIS WHOLE LIST OF WORDS THAT YOU COULDNT SAY, ONE

OF WHICH WAS TOOKIS. IM LIKE WHAT?

>> THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP THE COMEDIAN BY SAYING DONT BE TOO

DIRTY, DONT BE TOO OFFENSIVE BECAUSE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN

IS YOURE GOING TO SAY A QUESTIONABLE JOKE ABOUT

SEXUALITY AND THEN STEVE FROM FINANCE IS GOING TO LAUGH SO

HARD THAT ITS GOING TO BE AWKWARD TO WORK WITH STEVE FOR

THE REST OF THE YEAR AND HES GOING TO BE FIRED.

>> I WAS READING A BIBLE AND FOUND OUT JESUS HAD A LITTLE

BROTHER. ANYBODY KNOW HIS NAME?

JAMES. WHEN I READ THAT I WAS LIKE HOW

MUCH PRESSURE WAS THAT? JESUS, YOUR BIG BROTHER?

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO HEAR WHY CANT YOU BE MORE LIKE

JESUS JAMES? >> THERE IS A SPECIFIC CHURCH

CIRCUIT COMEDIANS WHO THEMSELVES ARE CHRISTIAN WHO PERFORM IN

CHRISTIAN VENUES. >> BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE GO I

WANT TO GO SEE HIM BUT I DONT WANT TO BE OFFENDED.

YOU HAVE SOMEBODY COMING TO YOUR CHURCH, NOW THEY ARE IN THEIR

COMFORT ZONE AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS DO YOUR SHOW AND TALK

ABOUT STUFF THATS NOT OFFENSIVE AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU GOT

ANOTHER FAN OF COMMAEDYCOMEDY. >> SHAUNDA PIERCE, KNOWN AS

CLEAN OF CLEAN. >> I HAVE TEN OR 12 GOLD RECORDS

AND SIX PLATINUM RECORDS AND YOU CANT FIND A CUSS WORD ON ANY OF

THEM UNLESS BUTT CRACK IS. >> I TELL MY FRIENDS, YOU THINK

YOURE FUNNY, COME TO FIRST BAPTIST AND MAKE A BUNCH OF

DEACONS LAUGH ON EASTER MORNING. WELL SEE HOW FUNNY YOU ARE.

>> ITS NOT THAT I MADE A MORAL CONSCIOUS TO NOT CUSS, IT DIDNT

EXIST IN MY VOCABULARY SO WHEN I SEE A COMIC GET UP WITH THOSE

WORDS, MAYBE JUST THE WAY THEY WERE RAISED.

YOU NEED TO GO SLAP THEIR MAMA, NOT THEM.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> MY MOTHER CAME IN MY BEDROOM.

I WAS 23, THE NIGHT BEFORE I GOT MARRIED.

SHE CAME IN AND SAID WELL, TOMORROW IS YOUR BIG DAY.

I GUESS ITS TIME WE HAD THAT LITTLE TALK.

AND SHE WOULD ALWAYS SPELL IT, S‐E‐X.

>> THIS IS WHAT I SAY EVERY NIGHT, IF I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT

SEX, SORRY IF THAT OFFENDED YOU. IF YOURE HERE, IM PRETTY SURE

SOMEBODY IN YOUR PAST HAD SEX. AND SO IF YOU THROW THAT MIRROR

UP OF HOW RIDICULOUS THEIR OFFENSE IS, THEN THAT GIVES YOU

THE PERMISSION TO GO TO THE NEXT STEP AND THE NEXT STEP.

WE GOT DEACONS FROWNING ON US BECAUSE WERE TAKING

ANTI‐DEPRESSANTS AND THEY GOT I IING AI

IING A RAI VIAGRA SITTING IN THEIR POCKET.

>> THERE IS THIS BELIEF SHOULD WE LOOK AROUND, SHOULD WE BE

OFFENDED? THERE IS A NICE FREEDOM TO THAT.

>> I DONT KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES. I WOULDNT WANT THAT JOB IN A

MILLION YEARS. CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING AWAKENED

EVERY MORNING LIKE THIS. PROBLEMS.

>> BRIAN REGAN MAKES A GOOD CHUNK OF HIS MONEY BECAUSE HES

A FAMILY ACT AND THAT COMMUNITY COMES OUT.

>> YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. >> IF A FAMILY CAN COME SEE A

SHOW AND LAUGH TOGETHER, THE MORE RELATABLE I CAN MAKE MY

SHOW, THE MORE IT WILL HIT HOME WITH FANS.

>> I TOOK MY FAMILY ON AN R. V. TRIP THIS SUMMER.

I THOUGHT IT STOOD FOR RECREATIONAL VEHICLE, NO RUIN

VACATION. >> THERE IS A DEGREE WHICH

COMEDY CAN BREAK US ALL APART AND MAKE PEOPLE AT EACH OTHERS

THREATS AND IT UNITES PEOPLE LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING THEY

DIDNT EXPECT TO LAUGH AT. >> DID YOU HIT TRAFFIC COMING IN

TONIGHT? SOME OF YOU.

I HIT LIKE TWO CARS. I ‐‐

>> WHEN WE LAUGH TOGETHER, THERE IS SOMETHING THATS HEALING.

YOU JUST DONT FEEL SO ALONE. THERE IS NOTHING COMPARABLE.

>> IF YOURE GOING TO MAKE A CASE FOR CLEAN COMEDY, MY CASE

IS IT CAN APPEAL TO KIDS THAT ARE 10 AND YOUR GRANDFATHER THAT

IS 90 AND THEY CAN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AND LAUGH AT THE SAME

TIME. THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD THING.

>> THE MORE WELL‐CHOSEN YOUR WORDS ARE, THE BETTER THE WORK

IS. >> OKAY, I CANT SAY THIS WORD

BUT CAN I SAY THIS? >> LETS TALK ABOUT CAULK, THE

STUFF AROUND YOUR BATHTUB. THERE ISNT A WOMAN THAT WANTS

FRESH, FIRM CAULK IN HER BATHROOM.

>> DO YOU REALLY? I DONT.

I DONT LIKE HAVING TO TIPTOE AROUND ADULT WORDS.

>> SOME OF THEM ARE [ BLEEP ]. WE NEED THESE.