Original subtitles

David: Its a life‐and‐death experience.

You go up there, you take your life in your hands.

‐My stomach hurts ‐‐ badly. ‐Uh‐huh.

And Ive been nauseous all day.

Oswalt: Youre overthinking what youre wearing,

how youre gonna say the first thing youre gonna say.

‐Hey! Out of the way! ‐I feel sillified.

I wonder, "Why tonight? Why again?"

Announcer #1: Ladies and gentlemen, Robin Williams!

Announcer #2: Patton Oswalt!

Announcer #3: Richard Pryor!

Lewis: When I walk onstage,

Im riddled with fear and excitement,

cause I have no idea what Im gonna do.

David: Holy shit. This was the ‐‐ What?

Oh, no. You idiot.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[ Clicking ]

♪

I despised myself from pretty much

close to getting out of the womb.

I was always wrong. Lets start with that.

When youre always wrong,

you seek an audience to disprove that theory.

I was just hell‐bent on having to prove myself.

I know Im right. I cant be always wrong, you know?

I was the victim.

Goldthwait: My father was a very strange man.

He was kind of a performance artist

that was fueled by beer.

Bamford: I was very shy, and at home,

I was always quiet and didnt get to speak very often

just because other people

were jibber‐jabbering a lot, you know?

Some people wouldnt clam up ‐‐ Mom.

When I did different voices or different noises,

people say, "Thats weird," or, "Shut up."

I feel like theres a fear of seeming crazy.

Oswalt: A lot of comedians are people

that are very introverted, very shy,

very sensitive to humiliation,

a little narcissistic, little damaged,

and so the only way to combat it

is to go to the one place where you are stripped bare.

Weide: The big‐C Change for comedy was the 60s.

Peoples own neuroses and foibles

were being addressed in the routines.

The routines became more personal.

I dont know if anyone here knows group analysis.

Its a group of very neurotic types that meet in a room

a couple of times a week

and sit around and twitch or something.

[ Laughter ]

And this is an adorable story.

Two of the kids had gotten married,

and its really cute,

cause its what youd call a mixed marriage

or an intermarriage in that the boy was paranoiac

and the girl was schizophrenic.

[ Laughter ]

Theres a big conflict about which way

they would bring up the children, you know?

[ Laughter ]

Started in school with, um, uh, drinking

and... [ Man laughing ]

I was ‐‐ Really. I was, like, a real depressed kid, you know?

7, 8 years old, and Id really get juiced

and get out of my head. [ Laughter ]

I cant be a wife, I cant be a writer, I cant be everything!

I cant! I cant! I cant!

And Edgar said, "Youre right." [ Laughter ]

He said, "Youre right. I understand this completely."

He said, "Tomorrow morning, Joan, first thing,

were going to go out tomorrow

and hire a woman to come in and be a wife."

[ Laughter ]

Zoglin: That period was the start of all the stand‐up comedians

that came after who were experimenting

with stand‐up comedy as a form of personal expression

in all sorts of different ways.

When I first saw him before the show,

he was still trying to decide

whether he could be a drunken Eskimo,

the Queen of the Vikings, or a doorknob.

Id rather he came out simply as himself to begin with,

because when hes Johnny Winters,

he cannot be imitated.

The wild, wild man ‐‐ my friend, Jonathan Winters.

[ Applause ]

Lewis: When I was 12 or 13,

one of my best friends called me up once.

It was like a drug deal at 12. "Come over."

I go, "What? What do you got?" "You got to hear this."

Do something with a stick.

Watch him do a routine with a stick.

You can give him anything.

[ Imitating fishing reel whirring ]

[ Pops lips ]

Well, that was a pretty good cast, wasnt it, Bob?

I think were onto something this time.

[ Grunting ] Im sorry, Margaret.

Try to swim in.

[ Laughter ]

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Laughter ]

The routines are ridiculously brilliant.

It was endless riffing.

And Im going, "Whose brain can do that?"

[ Mimics arrow thumping ]

The United Nations...

now recognizes the delegate from Nasiland."

[ Laughter and applause ]

To be as genius as Jonathan Winters,

you have to think differently than normal people.

Hes working within his mind at a very high level,

at a very fast level.

By thinking that way

and being that untethered to the rest of us,

you can lose your mind more easily.

Maron: Jonathan was a profoundly troubled guy

that had drinking issues, that had depression issues

that were clinical, that were deep.

Winters: Verbally, my mother and my dad were on me constantly.

‐Your dad, too? ‐Oh, yeah.

And it just never let up.

Maron: When you were younger, did you find yourself

trying to get away from them in your head?

Yeah. I ‐‐ I ‐‐ Naturally,

and it got to me.

Nesteroff: He was doing the hungry i in San Francisco,

and later that night,

Jonathan Winters left his hotel room,

and the police found him on the wharf.

He was climbing the mast of a ship, yelling that,

"Im the man in the Moon."

I was in the middle of a breakdown,

no question about that.

How do you know when

youre in the middle of a breakdown?

Well, you begin to hallucinate and seeing things that, uh...

And not boozing. I wasnt drinking.

Winters: You know, a lot of people say,

"Well, Jonathan, how do you feel?"

and I said, "Man, Im out. Im out."

[ Laughter ]

Thats what counts, you know?

Cause when youre in there,

"Hello. Is it sunny today?"

"Stay back in there, kid!" "Oh, yes, Im sorry."

[ Laughter ]

Goldthwait: If youre going out on stage

and youre being Jonathan Winters

and youre being really honest about it in a time

where no one else is doing that,

thats 100% the edge.

[ Applause ]

Paar: Jonathan Winters!

Ladies and gentlemen, there he is!

My hair is gray, my coat is tan,

my pants are black.

If youre not seeing these colors,

theres nothing wrong with your TV set.

Youre just watching the Steve Martin Special,

a wild and crazy guy!

Weide: By the time we get to the 70s,

comedy started to get away from punch lines.

Steve Martin was poking fun at the whole nature of comedy,

taking the standard conventions and turning it on its ear.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Sorry. Just lost my mind just for a minute.

[ Laughter ]

Steve Martin had fun with making fun of

taking yourself seriously, and the schmoozy,

"Were gonna have some fun tonight!"

Like, it seemed to mock what everyone else was doing.

Steve Martin was just so goofy, and beautiful writing.

I mean, I dont know if I appreciate that as a kid,

but now I appreciate it, just the succinctness.

He had very good t‐t‐t‐timing. Thats not a thing.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, no! Im getting happy feet! Whoa!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Zoglin: No stand‐up comedian was ever more successful

at a given time than Steve Martin.

But in real life, he was a quiet,

intellectual kind of guy,

and he didnt really take to that superstardom.

He was such a popular comedian, and then he just stopped.

And I was there on a night that, I think, in my mind,

had something to do with it,

where he had this routine about

how he blames himself for his girlfriends death.

Hes laying all the material to get to the punch line,

and right before he got to it,

some guy out in this huge audience,

in the very back of the auditorium,

gave away the punch line.

And you could tell he was pissed.

Martin: Today, I realized that I misunderstood

what my last year of stand‐up was about.

I had become a party host,

presiding not over timing and ideas

but over a celebratory bash of my own making.

If I had understood what was happening,

I mightve been happier, but I didnt.

I still thought I was doing comedy.

Comedy goes in waves that way,

where what we accept as normal or offbeat

is within the parameters of our time.

But there are people that upset the norm,

and there is something to be said

for being different in comedy.

[ "Mighty Mouse" theme song plays ]

♪ Mr. Trouble never hangs around ♪

♪ When he hears this Mighty sound ♪

♪ Here I come to save the day! ♪

[ Laughter and applause ]

♪ That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way ♪

My favorite thing about Andy Kaufman

was that he annoyed a lot of comedians

who didnt have a sense of humor.

The joke was on stand‐up comedy.

[ As Latka ] I love my wife very much,

but she dont know how to cook.

You know, her cooking is so bad...

‐How bad is it? ‐How bad is it?

[ Laughter ]

Her cooking is so bad...

‐How bad is it? ‐How bad is it?

...its terrible.

[ Laughter ]

Kaufman: When I was starting, up until then,

the only performers you had were either

straight singers or comedians.

Ive never told a joke in my life, really.

Ive never really done what they call straight comedy.

Wow.

Andy Kaufman was just the most fun you could ever have.

Ive never ‐‐ in my 44 years of watching,

Ive never seen someone take an audience

through the kind of emotional roller coaster

that he was able to do.

I would say Kaufman was the only one

I ever saw truly work without a net.

Well, how many people want me to stay?

[ Cheers and applause ] How many ‐‐

[ Coughs ]

Now, how many people dont want me ‐‐

dont want me to stay?

[ Mixed cheers, booing ]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Youve shown me where Im at tonight.

And Im sorry that I brought you all down at this party.

All of his intentions were different

than every other comedian.

He was trying to get a reaction,

and it really was art more than straight stand‐up comedy.

But Im gonna get off. ‐No!

‐So thank you. ‐No!

[ Voice breaking ] Y‐You really showed me where Im at tonight.

[ Fake sobbing ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Gibberish ]

You! You ruined everything!

[ Gasping ]

[ Drumming ]

[ Sobbing, gasping rhythmically ]

[ Vocalizing, sobbing, gasping ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Thank you.

Ay‐ya‐ya‐ya‐ya!

[ Laughter ]

My worst fears are confirmed.

Im going totally under their heads.

[ Raspy exhale ]

I was really influenced by Andy Kaufman.

I was self‐destructive, but I was also kind of infamous.

[ Laughing, snorting ]

My earlier stand‐up was like,

"Oh, Ill show you crazy," you know? [ Chuckles ]

[ Gruff, high‐pitched voice ] Well, it is sweeps,

and I love Jay very much, and I thought,

"Well, what if I ‐‐ I dont know ‐‐"

What are you doing?

"What if I set his furniture on fire?"

No, dont set that on fire.

[ Laughter ]

[ Raspy breathing ]

Now you have to sit in this.

Now sit down. Sit down.

Sit down. Sit down.

Im not sitting in it!

Sit in that chair.

I set "The Tonight Show" on fire ‐‐

Actually, I just set the chair on "The Tonight Show" on fire.

And I am a convicted arson because I brought lighter fluid.

That made it premeditated.

I learned a lot about the law.

[ Audience booing ]

I would just do stuff, and I would think,

"Well, this is funny to me,"

and genuinely be surprised when things didnt go well.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Oh!

I used to think that the mind of a comedian

was like that of an addict ‐‐ big ego,

insecure, driven.

But I do believe now that we are susceptible,

a little bit, to madness.

[ Chuckles ]

Well ‐‐ Well be right back!

Well ‐‐ Well be right back!

Well be right back!

There are things about you that you just dont like,

that you wish you could change.

You wish you were smarter.

You wish you were better‐looking.

You wish you were, um ‐‐ had more confidence.

But ‐‐ But you dont.

[ Laughing ]

I had to be funny, I had to be likable.

I was a bed‐wetter well into my teens.

You know, theres a lot of humiliation to overcome,

and being the funny one at camp

is a really good deal

if youre also the one that smells like pee.

If youre a comedian, there is a part of you

that is unhinged and, more importantly, unhappy.

Im friends with mostly comedians,

and, like, most of us are on antidepressants.

[ Chuckles ]

And I dont think thats a coincidence.

As you see in the news, comics can mess up, you know?

We do everything from shoot at our cars

to O. D., and were the people who make people happy, you know?

Watkins: Richard Pryor grew up in a very unusual situation.

His grandmother ran a house of prostitution,

and his mother had worked in it, his father was a pimp,

and he was very aware of that situation growing up.

I grew up seeing my mother go into rooms with men

and my aunties go into rooms with men.

Walters: Who believed in you? Who cared about you?

Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor III...

You.

...and magic dust.

Rain: My dads humor came from life.

And I dont think Dad had a choice.

I think you either laugh your way through it

or you die through it.

Thinking about that, though,

Id like to die like my father died.

Right? My father died fuckin.

[ Laughter ]

He did. My father was 57 when he died, right?

And the woman was 18.

My father came and went at the same time.

[ Laughter ]

Richards comedy was funny. It was also therapeutic.

It was almost like this guy was using the stage

the way a therapist would use their couch.

My grandmothers the lady that used to discipline me, right?

You know, beating my ass.

You know, "Get your ass out ‐‐ Put your hand down!

Put your ‐‐ Dont you run from me!

Dont you run...

from...me!

As long as you black, dont you run from me!"

[ Laughter and applause ]

Bell: What people took from him was a lot of the attitude

and the over‐the‐topness and the profanity.

The thing that people dont give Richard Pryor enough credit for

is what he brought to stand‐up comedy was vulnerability.

[ Cheers and applause ]

David: For me, the best night was having a woman

that was sitting close to the stage beg me to stop.

She was looking at me, and shes going...

In pain. Her face was in pain.

She was in pain. She went,

[Strained] "Please stop! Please stop! Please stop!"

[ Laughs ] You cant beat that.

The one thing about Hitler that I admire

is that he wouldnt take any shit from magicians, you know?

[ Laughter ]

It brings out the best parts of your personality.

It brings out your "best self."

Hello. It does.

You like yourself when youre up there.

You like yourself.

Oswalt: Thank you. Seriously, thank you.

You have no idea what a good mood Im in right now.

This is ‐‐ Fuck, this went so well!

Okay. Um... [ Clears throat ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

It wasnt that things went so well for an hour.

It was that, for an hour,

you kept a potential disaster from being a disaster.

Thats where the high comes off of.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The worst is when you are trying out new material,

and you think youre in a safe space

because nobody in the audience knows who you are,

the stakes are very low.

And you just eat it,

and then you discover that Louis C. K.

has been in the audience the entire time.

[ Laughter ]

Man: Bullshit!

Bullshit? My dick.

[ Laughter and applause ]

‐This is ‐‐ ‐[ Screaming ]

Shut the fuck up. Hey!

[ Laughter and applause ]

I got hit with Bibles and boots.

You know, I got hit with a teenager once.

All these little fried shrimp started hitting me.

They threw these, like ‐‐ They looked like subway tokens.

I just got pelted with them.

Ive had a glass thrown at me.

A shot glass comes at a much faster speed.

Ive also been punched onstage.

Williams: Its like street fighting

and performing combined, you know?

Cause you get people so loaded, they cant see.

Cavett: And youre fighting for your life up there.

Oh, yeah. Thats where you learn real quick lines.

You know, you have to start ‐‐ You get real tough,

cause I saw a lot of friends who were very funny,

but gave it up after one or two times.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Home Box Office and the Roxy

are pleased to present Robin Williams!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Williams: Hiya!

I guess most of my stuff is just madness.

Its a totally different perspective.

You know, its a combination of writing and acting

at the same time, which work wonderfully.

[ Laughs ] Im doing fantastic!

[ French accent ] No, youre not, you fool.

Youre not doing essence, just pure pee‐pee‐caca!

No reality, no truth,

no discussion on the nature of man!

[ Sternly ] Both of you be quiet. Shut up!

Im the rational mind.

Well have to release the subconscious.

Hell be the arbitrator.

[ Imitates creaking ]

[ Grunting, snarling ]

[ Laughter and applause ]

Boosler: I totally think Robin Williams

had a pinball‐machine head.

I just think, you know, he would just pull his tongue,

and then the ball would get launched,

and it would just bounce off everything.

It was definitely stardust and magic.

Ferguson: It was self‐expression,

and Robin went anywhere that the words

and the informality of thought, the mad‐‐ the madness,

I guess ‐‐ the harvested madness would take us.

And I loved that.

Look, toys, all over the set.

Can we ‐‐ Dont be afraid.

Come on, Mr. Camera, were going crazy. Come on.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Goldthwait: When he would just take these flights of fancy,

it might go on for 10 minutes or 20 minutes.

You know, that was the magical part of watching him.

[ High‐pitched voice ] Mother gave this

so I could write my new book.

[ Laughter ]

[ Middle Eastern accent ] Buddha? No, an ode to Fred Silverman.

[ Laughter ]

[ Lisping ] Take 2, lets go.

Lets start from the beginning again.

Auto, props, lets go.

[ Laughter ]

Nesteroff: But like a comedians, when he was offstage,

he was full of fear, full of anxiety.

About what? Who knows.

He himself said he was full of dread,

and he didnt know why.

He just was overwhelmed with anxiety.

But he definitely used the stage to be free,

to be comfortable, to be himself.

Im being grotesque, but you got to be.

You see what I mean? You got to be crazy.

Its too late to be sane.

Too late.

You got to go full‐tilt bozo.

[ Laughter ]

Cause youre only given a little spark of madness.

And if you lose that...

youre nothing.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

Gottfried: After performing, if its a good show,

theres that high that youll get from that,

but then you walk off the stage.

And I could see why a lot of performers

would want to do drugs and drink,

just to keep some kind of high going.

[ Laughter ]

When youre famous, people give you drugs

because they just ‐‐ number one,

it kind of gives them a little control over you.

And they like knowing that, you know,

"I got him high. I got him loaded.

[ Chuckling ]

And know what he did? He looked out the window the whole time."

Oswalt: Comedians are a lunar profession,

not a solar profession.

Youre gonna end up getting irregular sleep,

really bad food.

It has the same rhythms as combat,

where its a lot of boredom

and then incredible tension

and either victory or just crushing failure.

Theres no in between.

Oh, God. Hey. Now I need it.

Now I need this. [ Cheers and applause ]

Hicks: They tell you marijuana smoking

makes you unmotivated.

Thats bullshit.

When I was high,

I could do everything I normally could do just as well.

I just realized it wasnt worth the fucking effort, man.

That was it. [ Laughter ]

Benson: People say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree.

Im a multitasking pot smoker.

I was walking down the street,

I was putting eye drops in my eyes,

I was talking on my cellphone,

and I was getting hit by a car.

[ Laughter ]

All comedians, 9 out of 10, seem to be potheads.

Theres something about the playfulness of marijuana,

the thought process, the giggle aspect,

that is similar to the comic mind, in a way.

I like to have a puff of pot when I get offstage

because its just so hard to come down after.

[ Gruff, high‐pitched voice ] And Im watching MTV,

and the lead singer from Motley Crue comes on,

and he tells me not to take drugs?

[ Laughter ]

Motley Crues idea of a drug problem

is not finding any after a gig.

[ Laughter ]

I did too many drugs, is what Im saying.

I did too many drugs.

And when I say I did them, I fuckin did them.

I didnt "experiment" with them.

You know, when people say, "Oh, yeah,

when I was in my late teens and 20s,

I experimented with drugs."

No, you fuckin didnt. Youre not a scientist.

[ Laughter ]

The desire to feel okay can manifest itself in performance,

it can manifest itself in drugs and alcohol,

it can manifest itself in any number of behaviors,

but its not necessary to be a drunk or a drug addict

to be a good performer.

Its not science

to blow a dealer for crack!

Thats not science!

[ Laughter ]

Thats art.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Gottfried: When theyll talk about John Belushi

or Chris Farley, theyll say,

"Well, you know, there was the great side of him,

the side that would just take his clothes off

and hang off the ledge of a building.

That was the fun side.

But then there was the bad side ‐‐ the drugs and drinking,"

and you go, "Hmm, maybe the two have something in common here."

[ Sighs ]

Lewis: Im a drug addict and an alcoholic.

I didnt know for a while. I was in denial for years.

I said, "Im not an alcoholic. Im not an alcoholic.

Im not an alcoholic." I was a mess.

I didnt know what was going on.

I think my dad and his friends did more cocaine

than was ever in the movie "Scarface."

That became the thing that,

for a moment, got rid of the pain.

Until youre clean and youre like, "Oh, Im just me."

I did it so bad, dope dealers tried not to sell me none.

[ Laughter ]

Now, thats doing it where dope dealers just say,

"Man, I aint gonna give you no more of that shit.

Im sorry, brother. I cant see you do it to yourself."

Now, thats ‐‐ Dope dealers dont give a fuck

about nothing, usually, people think.

These motherfuckers refused to sell me cocaine.

Said, "No, motherfucker, youre killing yourself."

What? [ Laughter ]

Williams: Heres a little warning sign

if you have a cocaine problem.

If on your tax form, it says $50,000 for snacks,

mayday!

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

You got yourself a cocaine problem, smartass! [ Laughing ]

[ Screaming ]

Maron: I met Sam when he was about to become huge.

He kind of took me under his wing, to a degree.

He neutered my ability to ‐‐ [ Laughing ]

to function through drug use

and draining me by making me party with him for hours on end.

So, Im trying to be like ‐‐ Im trying to live up to the image,

"Oh, get out of my way! Watch me! Aah!"

[ Sniffs deeply ]

And I would sniff all this shit up.

About two minutes later, Im walking around the party

going...

Hey, man.

Hey, man, we got any shoe polish

or something I can drink to slow this down?

[ Laughter ]

Listen, you guys keep partying. Im gonna go ahead and lay down

and beg God to live for a while, all right?

Oswalt: Sometimes drugs and alcohol

have led to some amazing comedy ‐‐

amazing music, amazing literature,

amazing sculpture and painting.

But in the end,

the drugs and alcohol always beat art.

Back up. Get back.

Reporter: John Belushi died today at 33 years old.

Belushi died in a bungalow at the Chateau Marmont Hotel

in Hollywood.

Sources have told Eyewitness News

that the nightstand in Belushis bungalow

contained what was described to us as a fair amount

of white powder, believed to be cocaine.

Zoglin: When you get to that level of fame

and youve got the money and youve got a lot of enablers

around you, its easy to keep going

and keep on a self‐destructive path,

and its hard to stop.

The actor/comedian Chris Farley was found dead

in a Chicago apartment today.

Reporter: Farley followed his idol

John Belushis path of success,

and along the way,

friends say he succumbed to the same excesses ‐‐

food, alcohol, and drugs.

When you have that kind of brain ‐‐

and I dont want to get into the stuff ‐‐

except that youre wired dark.

You can go dark real fast.

Rain: Dad couldnt take it anymore, and he wanted it to stop.

He just was like, "I want it to stop."

Richard Pryor, the comedian and writer,

was badly burned in an accident at his home

in California last night.

The burns cover the upper half of his body.

They are severe enough to endanger his life.

Finally, tonight, comedian Richard Pryor is feeling better.

Doctors at his Sherman Oaks, California, hospital

have taken him off the critical list.

Pryor is responding well to skin‐graft treatments

for burns he suffered at his home three weeks ago.

Nesteroff: Youve gone through a tragedy, youre a comedian,

youre gonna go up on stage and talk about that tragedy.

Thats what the comic mind does.

Youre compelled to tell your experience.

Im gonna tell yall the truth tonight. Okay?

[ Cheers and applause ]

All right, now, all my friends know this to be true,

cause everybody who knows me, usually,

before I go to bed, I have milk and cookies.

[ Laughter ]

And one night, I had some low‐fat milk

and some pasteurized,

and I mixed them together,

and I dipped my cookie, and the shit blew up.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

Rain: My dad wasnt afraid to bear his pain.

He made jokes about that

because he knew you were gonna do it,

"so let me do it."

You know, dad had some steel balls, man.

Well, Ill tell you one thing, man.

When that fire hits your ass,

that will sober your ass up quick.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

And you know something I found out?

When you on fire and running down the street,

people will get out of your way.

[ Laughter ]

Except for one old drunk, right?

Hes going, "Hey, buddy, can I get a light?"

[ Laughter ]

"How bout just a little off the sleeve, okay?"

Maron: When Pryor did talk about his personal life,

its harrowing,

and its funny because of the courage of it.

But does everyone relate to setting yourself on fire

with a pipe or shooting your car so your wife cant leave in it?

You have to grow to accept that people may be laughing with you,

they might be laughing at you,

or they might be laughing cause theyre shocked.

You know, if I hadnt of done this,

Id be in great despair now.

But Ive done it, and its out there for everybody to see.

Regardless of what the reaction is, its out there,

and I did it, and Im glad I did it.

Lopez: If you want to put someone on a pedestal

that is unattainable by anybody else,

it has to be a guy who ran a mile and a half on fire,

who did coke, crashed cars,

drank, and then took it to the stage and made everyone laugh.

This is incredible. How do you get to the Met?

Money. Lots and lots of money.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

Goddamn. I wonder if Pavarottis at The Improv going,

[ Italian accent ] "Two Jews walk into a bar. Yes."

[ Laughter ] For me, its therapy.

Its another world for me. Its so much.

Its such a great release. It was such freedom.

Its wonderful, its great. Its a whole other world.

Now, this is when I knew I was in a bad neighborhood.

You only see this in the worst neighborhoods.

Remember, its 3:00 in the morning.

There was a fuckin baby standing on the corner.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

When Im onstage, I get real happy up there.

Like, maybe thats the only time in my adult life

that I feel like myself.

Youre standing up there... You know what I mean?

...like a gladiator, and them lights is on you,

and you look down,

and everyones looking up at you like...

[ Laughter ]

Doing comedy, its needing to express,

needing to expose yourself.

Sometimes I find myself telling audiences

my deepest, darkest secrets.

You know, its this odd confessional.

When I moved to L. A., I had an eyebrow, and...

[ Laughter ]

...my roommate at the time was like,

"Hey, lets go make this into two."

And so I went to her waxing lady.

Id never been to, like, a waxing lady,

and the lady called me in,

and Im, like, following her into her room,

and she turns around, and she goes,

"What are we doing today? Just the mustache?"

[ Laughter ]

I did have OCD. I had difficulty making eye contact with people

for ‐‐ about until the age of 32.

And so stand‐up was so great

for a way to connect with people

that felt very safe.

I was a bit of a dark kid.

I would occasionally stage my own death for fun.

[ Laughter ]

"Mother, Ive taken a whole bottle of pills."

"Oh, my God. What did you take?"

"Tums." [ Laughter ]

"Maria, those are your fathers."

"What, Mother? I cant hear you.

The calcium is coursing through my veins."

[ Laughter ]

From the very beginning,

I was going up there to find myself and to be myself.

But when I went through a divorce,

when I was separated, I went onstage,

and I started working through it.

And I dont know if it was funny.

It was profoundly uncomfortable.

I am a panicky, angry man.

[ Laughter ]

I make calls like this ‐‐ "Dude, Im losing my mind!

No, Im having a breakdown or something!

Im serious ‐‐ Oh, youre tired?

All right, take the day off. Ill call the other guy."

[ Laughter and applause ]

"Dude, Im losing my mind! No, for re‐‐ No, no, no!

Its your day. Its your day."

[ Laughter ]

"So make me feel better, friend‐o. Do it."

You know, I take great pride

in not ever repeating a problem on any special,

so, um...

All right, if youll permit me, uh...

[ Laughter ]

Woman: Damn.

My feelings were so deeply hurt in many ways that,

if I couldnt get it out with comedy,

it was a waste of time.

Ahh. You know, basically,

what I really feel I got from my family

is low self‐esteem,

which, uh ‐‐ it runs deep.

It started with my grandparents.

They lived in this condo in Florida ‐‐

Death Wish Village, which they...

[ Laughter ]

Laughs are a great healer of pain.

But the laugh is over, and theres the pain again.

Reporter: Comedian Robin Williams

was found dead this morning

inside his Northern California home.

His publicist says, as of late,

Williams had been battling severe depression.

He was 63 years old.

Maron: Theres no more painful realization

that the other side of whatever comic genius is,

it is sometimes this,

that with that sensitivity, that with that love,

that with that mental agility

comes a heart too heavy to live,

a heart that becomes so heavy

that it chooses not to go on.

Its horribly sad.

Whoo!

Goldthwait: He beat depression.

Cause thats what comics do ‐‐ we beat depression.

But he had a disease called Lewy Body Dementia.

His dementia is why I firmly believe

the events happened the way they did.

Him taking his life was not just a reaction

to having that disease. I feel it was because of it.

It was misinformation that his own brain ‐‐

his brain was attacking himself.

Theres a phrase youve used on a number of occasions

to make us understand you.

Williams: Mm‐hmm.

And that phrase is legalized insanity.

Yes.

Not that we need to ask now...

[ Laughter ]

Yes.

It may be superfluous, but...

[ Laughter ]

...what is legalized insanity?

Well...

[ Laughter ]

The idea of just trying the things

that other people wouldnt do.

Robin was so close to the source of where the thought

was coming from ‐‐ Like dogs, you know?

Its like, "What? Huh? What?" It was just brilliant.

Heres the line, and Im going, "Hee‐hee!"

[ Laughter ]

You know?

That kind of helps, I think...

Yeah.

...just to push the boundaries a little bit.

Yeah. Um...

[ Laughter ]

This is so much fun.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

I agree with you.

This is nice.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Zoglin: The comic is a personal confessor,

exposing himself in all sorts of ways.

They help us process the sensitive subjects.

Stand‐up comedians are really important.

"Okay. Okay. So, you have, like, psychological problems."

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, I probably need to see a therapist.

"Okay. So, its not something

you can talk about with your friends?"

Well, I talk about it, but theyre like,

"Why cant you come out tonight?"

I say, "Cause Im filthy." They say, "Take a shower."

I say, "No, its on the inside!"

[ Laughter ]

Im all about talking about everything.

And it helps me feel that usefulness

that maybe I can tell somebody,

"Youre not alone, and there is help,

and you dont have to suffer from this anymore."

"Well, I dont get it.

Apparently, shes supposed to be funny.

I just think she is schizophrenic."

[ Chuckles ]

Well, clearly, that is not my mental illness.

Um, schizophrenia is, of course,

hearing voices, not doing voices.

[ Laughter ] Now, if youll excuse me,

I have to get back to La Quinta,

because I have faces to make in the bathroom mirror.

Whoom. Whoom.

Being onstage, I found out, slowly but surely,

that I wasnt crazy and always wrong,

that I was having the same fears and trepidations

and insecurities as most people.

17 years of therapy ‐‐ what has it done to me?

Nothing. I masturbate to ‐‐ I dont know ‐‐

to less destructive women, quite frankly.

[ Laughter ]

When I finally, 22 years ago, admitted,

"Hi, Im Richard. Im an alcoholic,"

my comedy was freed up.

I mean, I was doing well.

I was doing specials and Carnegie Hall

and getting nominated for this and that,

but I still wasnt me yet, you know?

Once I said, "Im a drug addict," whoa, man!

I just felt, like, great.

To be honest with you, really,

in the day and age we live in now,

if someone comes up to you and says,

"I think you might be clinically depressed,"

the proper response is, "Thank you. Thank you very much.

That means Im awake."

[ Cheers and applause ]

I thought that stand‐up comics had some higher purpose,

and I was trying to work through things,

and I was trying to find some truths

and frame them in a way that would be new

and exciting for me and then for the audience,

that wed be moving through that stuff together.

Once, when I was at lifes lowest ebb,

and I felt like no one would ever love or accept me,

I thought Id kill myself.

And I checked in to a motel room in the middle of nowhere,

and I was lying there in the dark,

when all of a sudden, there was a warm glow of light.

And I looked up and Christ was standing over me like this.

And I looked up at him, and he looked down at me,

and finally, he spoke, and said,

"Gilbert, am I fat?"

[ Laughter ]

I always think of those two masks ‐‐

the comedy mask and the tragedy mask ‐‐

they go together.

So if something terrible has happened to you,

comedy is not gonna kill tragedy,

but itll get it to lose its grip for a while.

I started reducing my Prozac, day by day,

trying to wean myself off of it.

Then, a month with no Prozac, oh.

My depression was like a happy puppy

just running through my body.

I actually felt bad about

going back on the Prozac, cause I felt like,

"Oh, I havent taken him to the park in a while."

Like, I wanted to give him a couple of days just to,

"Put your bathrobe for eight days straight!"

Okay, Depression. I know I havent done this in a while.

Does this feel better?

"Watch Princess Bride 11 times in a row!"

Okay. Lets watch "The Princess Bride"

11 times in a row.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

Oh, Depression, this is the best day youve ever had.

[ Laughter ]

Either in small or big ways, comedy has kept someone

out of depression or suicide or helped them cope with a loss,

and you remember that.

If you can talk about something openly

and you find the right way to do it,

it takes away all of its power, and thats really beautiful.

Williams: I find comics to be pretty honest people,

in terms of looking at stuff from both sides or all sides

and presenting you with, like, "Here it is."

In the process of looking for comedy,

you have to be deeply honest,

and in doing that, youll find out,

"Heres the other side."

Youll be looking under the rock occasionally for the laughter.

Being a comedian who lives on making fun of everything

around him, the ridiculousness of everything,

to come through something horrendous and to be alive,

you got to have a sense of humor.

If you dont, you go mad.

Goldthwait: Stand‐up comedians should be out there

pointing out the flaws,

basically saying to people,

"Hey, does this look right to you?"

You know, "This is weird."

Ill hear somebodys metaphorical interpretation

of an idea in a new way, and my brain lights up,

but Im like [gasps] "Oh, I love it!"

You know, it just feels so good.

And the relief of laughing together

and the victory of a good joke,

were all responsible for the win.

[ Laughs ] Its a team sport.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The mind of a stand‐up comedian is a scary, scary place.

No, a mind of a stand‐up comedian ‐‐

its really sweet of you

to imply that theres thought behind what we do.

What kind of person chooses to do that?

A pretty independent person,

somebody who doesnt like, maybe, having bosses.

Im sorry. Did I say comedians were a little narcissistic?

Theyre a lot narcissistic.

Well be right back.

Theres nothing else that we can do.

Theres no other skills.

So its either that or nothing.

By the way, I like documentaries.

I just dont like being in documentaries.

Dont confuse the two. [ Chuckles ]