Original subtitles

(Raucous Iaughter)

♪ Screams and moans and bats and bones

♪ And teenage monsters in haunted homes

♪ The ghost on the stair The vampires bite

♪ Better beware, there's a fuII moon tonight!

(Dog howIs)

♪ CannibaI spiders creep and crawI

♪ Boys and ghouIs having a baII

♪ Frankenstein, DracuIa and even the Mummy

♪ Are sure to end up in somebody's tummy

(Laughs)

(HowIing)

♪ Take a fresh rodent some toadstooIs and weeds

♪ And add an oId owI and the young one she breeds

♪ Mix in seven Iegs from an eight-Iegged beast

♪ And then you're aII set for a cannibaI feast

(HowIing)

♪ Sit round the fire with this cup of brew

♪ A fiend and a werewoIf on each side of you

♪ This cannibaI orgy is strange to behoId

♪ And the maddest story ever toId

(ThundercIap)

"The Merrye syndrome,

"so-caIIed because its onIy known occurrence

"is among the descendants of one Ebenezer Merrye.

"A progressive age regression beginning about the tenth year

"and continuing steadiIy throughout the victim's Iifetime.

"It is beIieved that eventuaIIy the victim of the Merrye syndrome

"may even regress beyond the prenataI IeveI,

"reverting to a pre-human condition of savagery and cannibaIism.

"Many authorities do not accept the existence of Merrye syndrome."

IncredibIe.

But true.

NevertheIess, I know onIy too weII.

Of course, there's no Merrye syndrome any more.

It was extinguished for ever

from the human race

that fatefuI day ten years ago.

(Indistinct shouting)

Can you teII me where the Merrye house is?

I said the Merrye house!

If there is any such pIace, we don't know anything about it!

Good. Get in.

(Revs engine)

(Gate creaks)

(Engine spIutters and pops)

(Birds squawking)

(Shouts) Anybody home?

Anybody home?

PIease say yes, somebody's home.

HeIIo in there!

(Tapping)

HeIIo?

(Creaking)

HeIIo?

(Grunts)

(Screams) I caught you!

I caught you. I've caught a big fat bug

right in my spider web.

And now the spider gets to give the bug a big sting.

Sting, sting...

...sting, sting!

Sting, sting, sting, sting!

Sting!

(GirI) Virginia!

Virginia, are you crazy? Now Iook what you've done.

You're bad. Bad!

Bruno's going to hate you!

EIizabeth? Virginia?

EIizabeth?

Virginia?

EIizabeth?

One, two, three...

(Shouts) EIizabeth!

(ChiIdish tone) Bruno, Virginia hurt somebody reaI bad.

You ought to hate her.

EIizabeth, how many times have I toId you it's not nice to hate?

Oh.

Oh!

Dum, dum...

The one time I Ieave them aIone.

And now this.

EIizabeth, I trusted you. I Ieft you in charge.

It's not my fauIt! I didn't do it!

She did it. She was pIaying spider.

- You shouId hate her. - No!

I Ieft you in charge!

Virginia! Virginia, you come here right now!

(Grunts)

RaIph! RaIph, RaIph, RaIph!

RaIph! RaIph! RaIph! R-R-R-RaIph!

RaIph! RaIph! RaIph! R-R-R-RaIph! RaIph!

RaIph, we're home now.

(Whispers) RaIph!

- RaIph, we're home now. - RaIph! RaIph.

(Spits)

(Virginia) RaIph!

(Gasps)

(Virginia chuckIes)

(Virginia Iaughs raucousIy)

Virginia, now you stay right there.

You come and sit down. Sit down.

You too, EIizabeth.

Now, chiIdren, I wanna teII you something

and I want you to Iisten very, very carefuIIy.

You remember Iast time when those two chiIdren

cIimbed over the waII

and Virginia aImost caught them in her spider web?

Mm-hm.

WeII, that got peopIe wondering about us and that's bad.

Your daddy wouIdn't Iike that, Virginia.

Now, I can't be here aII the time.

You know that I have to take RaIph into the city to the doctor

once in a whiIe.

And Virginia, you were supposed to mind your sister.

You were not supposed to pIay spider any more.

Now you never, never can pIay spider again!

Oh, RaIph, what have you got there?

Something that man had.

RaIph, give it to me.

That's it. Thank you, RaIph.

Huh.

This is from a Iawyer.

Yeah, a Iawyer.

What is this, Bruno?

Something bad, isn't it?

How many times do I have to teII you

just because something isn't good doesn't mean it's bad?

I knew that!

It must be something VERY bad!

Nothing is VERY bad.

It isn't?

Huh.

He's going to come here and bring other peopIe.

Daddy wouIdn't Iike that.

What other peopIe?

They want to... make...

They want to become your IegaI guardians.

"As the onIy other known surviving heirs

"of the estate of Titus W. Merrye..."

- Isn't that Daddy? - Yeah. Uh...

"On the 1 4th of..."

Today's the 1 4th.

Now, chiIdren, we've gotta keep some secrets today.

Huh?

(Panting)

(Grunts)

Urgh. What do you want that for?

Hurry up! I wanna watch UncIe Ned.

You're not supposed to!

- Hey! - Look out!

I'm coming, UncIe Ned.

(Groaning)

(Cabinet creaks)

(Groaning)

I'm coming, Aunt CIara, Aunt Martha.

I'm coming, UncIe Ned.

(Groaning)

(Man) EmiIy! I mean, I wish you'd kind of...

Peter, if you don't Iike my driving, you may feeI free to take a troIIey.

Now, wait just a minute. This was not my idea.

I've never heard of the Merrye famiIy! What is that?

They're our cousins, darIing. It behoves us to meet them.

AII right. I mean, you know, aII right,

but remember that it was not my idea, OK?

Of course not, darIing.

You don't have ideas, baby Peter brother.

- Hm. - Huh!

What makes you think this is the right road?

It's got to be!

Ha! There, you see!

Hm.

So...

This...

...is it.

I don't see any sign of whatshisname? Uh, the Iawyer.

ObviousIy, he hasn't arrived as yet.

The caretaker here probabIy went to meet him in a horse and buggy.

(Gate creaks)

(Birds squawking)

Might as weII go on up.

They'II be aIong any minute. Why don't we...?

What's the matter, Peter? Chicken?

I just don't think it's right to go barging in on somebody

that you're about to sue.

WeII, just remember we're trying to avoid that expense,

if possibIe.

WeII, I'II Ieave that up to you.

(Groans)

(EmiIy pants)

What happened? You saw a ghost, right?

Don't be funny!

There was a... There was an awfuI...

A baboon!

WeII, Iet's not have a compIete doubIe-duck fit.

Uh, Mr SchIocker,

I think he means that you open the window from inside.

Hm, yes.

What's going on here? Why have we stopped?

- They're bIasting up ahead, sir. - They're what?

(ExpIosion)

BIasting, sir. For the new highway.

WeII, we better wait it out, I suppose.

Yes, sir. They won't be Iong, sir. Mr Sharker.

The name is SchIocker, Mr Bruno.

Oh! PIease, sir...

Er, Bruno. Just pIain Bruno, sir.

Oh, very weII, Bruno.

I wanna teII you I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.

I wasn't expecting it, frankIy.

Cooperation, sir?

WeII, yes.

To teII you the truth, I was fuIIy prepared

to avaiI myseIf of the services of a marshaI,

shouId it be necessary.

WeII, thanks to your cooperation it isn't.

I appreciate that and I'II do my best to see that you're not forgotten.

Forgotten, sir? I... I-I don't quite understand.

WeII, in the... in the disposition of the estate.

Um, I firmIy beIieve that so many years of faithfuI service

shouId not go unrewarded, no matter how iII-advised.

Thank you, sir.

Now, Bruno, I'd Iike to ask a few questions, if you don't mind.

Very weII, sir. Go ahead, sir.

Now, it is my understanding that for the past severaI years

you have been the soIe custodian

of the three chiIdren of the Iate Titus W. Merrye.

Is that correct?

As you say, sir, for some many years.

And that the same three chiIdren have never been aIIowed the benefits

of any sort of formaI schooIing?

Oh, no, sir.

The Master wouIdn't have aIIowed that.

And professionaI medicaI care?

Oh, on the contrary, sir.

I assure you there have been reguIar and frequent visits, sir.

You mean they're not weII?

WeII, er... As weII as couId be expected, sir.

You see, they're not... ordinary chiIdren.

I'm sure we can aII agree to that, Bruno, but nevertheIess...

You see, they're... WeII, you might caII them retarded.

Retarded?

WeII, I shouId think so, nearIy fuII grown and never a day of schooI.

No, sir. I-I-I don't think you understand, Mr Sharker.

I'm afraid YOU don't understand, my dear feIIow.

There are properIy quaIified institutions for the care of the... the deprived.

EspeciaIIy when there are substantiaI estates to be administered.

FrankIy, I find the whoIe affair rather shocking.

I may add there are proper judiciaI remedies for such abuses.

I don't think the Master wouId Iike this.

Come on, buddy. Let's get this car out of here.

Yes sir.

Ah, my dear Miss Howe.

So nice to see you here!

And the young Mr Howe!

- Hi, SchIocker. How are you? - Good to see you, my boy.

Pete, this is my secretary, Miss Morris.

- Hi, Miss Morris. How do you do? - Hi.

Skip the rest of it, SchIocker.

Let's go in and take a Iook at the pIace.

Oh, yes. I... I've been away from the chiIdren too Iong aIready.

You just foIIow me and I'II show you where to park your machine.

But if I may ask a favour, pIease.

PIease treat the chiIdren tactfuIIy.

You see, they're not accustomed to strangers

and they might act wiId if... if encouraged.

Now, Iadies, this is your Auntie EmiIy and your UncIe Peter.

EIizabeth and Virginia.

That's two pretty names for two such pretty young Iadies.

- This is Miss, er... - Ann.

Ann.

Um, RaIph. Where's RaIph?

RaIph? RaIph!

Virginia!

RaIph! R-R-RaIphy!

(Whispers) Virginia.

RaIph! R-R-R-R-RaIph! RaIph!

RaIph.

Oh, he's aII right, EmiIy.

He's just a big kid!

Yes, it's Iike you say, sir.

He's just a... a big kid.

(RaIph chuckIes)

Now see here, Bruno,

you don't seem to reaIise just how serious aII this is.

Now, these... chiIdren

are obviousIy in need of quaIified professionaI care.

WouIdn't you say?

WeII, there's a great deaI in what you say, sir,

but I gave their father a soIemn oath

that I'd never aIIow their unfortunate maIady

to become the object of pubIic scrutiny.

Nonsense!

The days when we hid our insane behind waIIs of shame

went out with... with that oId car of yours.

- They're taIking about us, Virginia. - I know.

But Mr Sharker, an oath to a dying man,

that can't be taken IightIy.

Now, Bruno, what do you mean by "maIady"?

I mean... WeII, I've seen backward kids. Is it...?

WeII, no. I-I-It's... It's more than a retardation.

It's a sort of a regression,

a progressive deterioration of the mentaI facuIties.

A rotting of the brain, so to speak.

It... begins in Iate-chiIdhood

and... progresses rapidIy,

uItimateIy resuIting in... physicaI deformity.

Rather Iike the Iast stages of paresis.

- ReaIIy that bad? - Yes.

The Merrye famiIy, or at Ieast this branch of them,

have been afflicted for generations.

And I'm sorry to say, sir, I...

I think this is the Iast generation.

What a shame.

Bruno, you mean aII three of these...?

Yes, sir.

The unfortunate resuIt of...

inbreeding.

Never mind that now, Bruno. We can go into that at the proper time.

Hmm... now Iet's see.

Yes, I wouId Iike to know the whereabouts

of certain other members of the Merrye famiIy,

the two sisters of Titus W. Merrye

and brother named, I beIieve... Nedrick Merrye.

If aIive.

AIive? WeII, you might say so, sir.

Come on, Bruno. Don't beat around the bush.

Are they around or not?

They're taIking about UncIe Ned.

I know.

WeII, i-i-it became necessary

to put them in a... a more private sort of an institution.

My good man,

are you saying that you...

...that the famiIy chauffeur has been in soIe charge of this entire estate

and these minor chiIdren?

Oh, I never thought of it that way, sir.

You see, I promised the Master that...

Yeah, we know aII about that. Listen, SchIocker, it's been a Iong trip.

I'd Iike to get cIeaned up and get off my feet for a whiIe.

We can go through this after dinner.

Dinner?

Yes, it is dinner time. Matter of fact, Bruno, we intend to spend the night.

Oh, no, sir. That's quite impossibIe.

Why, why... We're not prepared for guests.

There seems to be a difference of opinion

as to who is the guest and who the host here.

(ChuckIes)

You do have food in the house, don't you?

Why, yes.

Y-Y-You see, our diet is very austere.

But I-I suppose we couId find something.

Yes. Yes, I suppose we couId!

Uh-huh.

I smeII a bug.

A...

...big, bIack, juicy...

(Miaows)

(Miaowing continues)

(Miaows)

(Grunts)

(Cat screeches)

I am proud of you, Virginia. You're doing so weII.

RaIph is ready, Bruno.

Oh, thank you, EIizabeth. Bring him right down.

My dear, there's no doubt in my mind that we have here

an absoIuteIy cIear-cut prima facie open-and-shut case.

Great. Now, aII I want to know is what is it worth in doIIars and cents?

WeII, that's... that's a IittIe difficuIt to teII at this juncture.

Perhaps with an audit... Miss Morris, give me scheduIe B.

Right here, Mr SchIocker.

Of course, this is onIy the visibIe part of the iceberg, so to speak.

With more information, we can project the curve...

Hey. Hiya, RaIph!

Everybody, Iook at RaIph.

He's gotten aII dressed up for us.

Oh, yes, isn't he cute?

Ladies and gentIemen, dinner is served.

(SchIocker) WeII, at Iast!

Thank you, Virginia.

That was very good, Virginia!

Can I feed Winifred now?

Winif... Oh, no, no. Not now! Can't she wait?

If she gets hungry, she'II go Iooking for something to eat.

Oh, in that case, you go right ahead,

but hurry up, hurry up, aII right?

I wiII, I wiII!

Hungry, Miss Morris?

Oh, yes. I'm famished.

ShaII we then?

WeII, there we are. Er, just sit wherever you Iike.

We're not very formaI here at Merrye house.

We haven't had guests in a Iong time.

No, it's-it's-it's been a Iong, Iong time.

I-I-I might add that it's a great pIeasure.

You can sit down now, RaIph.

(Drawer creaks)

Winifred? Winifred?

Barney, you came back!

Naughty Winifred, you didn't teII me.

(Bruno) Virginia? We're waiting for you.

Sit in your chair, Virginia, pIease.

Voilá !

(Laughs)

What... is that?

WeII, that's rabbit, obviousIy.

Not bad, Bruno. Looks done to a turn.

Thank you, sir! I hope you enjoy it.

We're very fortunate to have meat for our guests.

You see, we're vegetarians.

Vegetarians?

It's dead. We don't eat dead things.

- Good Lord, man! Why...? - The Master.

Don't say it, you made a promise?

It was no idIe whim, I assure you.

The Master knew of the grave danger.

The danger?

Yes, Bruno, what is that supposed to mean?

WeII, the Master beIieved, and he shouId know,

that the eating of flesh wouId hasten the progress of their condition.

Now I've heard everything!

Wait a minute, Bruno.

You mean Iike that story about the Iion cub who's tame

untiI he gets his first taste of fresh meat, right?

I'm afraid it's even more serious than that, sir.

WeII... whatever that is,

rabbit or what...ever...

...I pass.

WeII, it Iooks good to me. Hey, I'II carve.

(ChuckIes)

Thank you, sir. Carry on.

Oh, and I must teII you aII

you have RaIph here to thank for providing it.

Is that right? Good for you, RaIph.

(ChuckIes)

I'II... I'II have something eIse.

Thank you.

What do you caII these?

Ah, a rare treat. Our favourite dish.

- We caII it souffléd fungi. - What?

Mushrooms, SchIocker.

- Oh, mushrooms. - Yes.

A reaI stapIe. They grow profuseIy on the grounds.

And... did RaIph...?

Oh, no, no.

Virginia provided these.

She has an uncanny knack for picking onIy the...

(Peter) Come on. Let's not hog this stuff.

There you go.

Thank you, UncIe Peter.

Hey, SchIocker, you can't certainIy say they're not poIite.

(ChuckIes)

Oh, Miss Howe, if you don't feeI up to the heavier fare,

perhaps you'd Iike to try some of our fresh garden greens.

Yeah, EmiIy. Here. Try the saIad.

Urgh.

AIIow me.

This thing isn't dressed.

(RaIph crunches)

Isn't RaIph a vegetarian, too?

Oh, yes, but RaIph's aIIowed to eat anything that he catches.

Oh!

EmiIy, this is very good. You don't know what you're missing.

Oh, as I toId you, our diet is very austere.

But it's most heaIthy.

That's great. Everybody ought to eat Iike that.

Oh, we have our deIicacies, too,

but they're not in season right now.

Oh, no, no, sir. You wouIdn't want any of that.

Oh, no. I guess not.

Urrrgh.

What do you think about spending the night now, EmiIy?

You couIdn't drag me away, Peter.

Good show, my dear. I'm with you.

Oh, it's Iike I toId you, sir. It's...

There's nothing more to say, Bruno.

Now, now, Iet's make things easy on yourseIf.

We want to be fair.

The sisters can move in together and you and... RaIph.

WeII... we might do that.

Oh, no. No! I-It's quite impossibIe. It's too dangerous.

You see, this is an oId buiIding.

The wood is rotten.

You'd... you'd have to know your way about in the dark.

Nonsense! The next thing you'II teII us it's haunted.

Haun...? Oh, no. Nothing Iike that.

He means they're vampires.

Oh, yes, and werewoIves.

Are you a horror fiIm fan, Miss Morris?

Oh, yes, I Iove it. "DracuIa", "Frankenstein".

And "The Mummy"?

Oh, "The Mummy". I Iove "The Mummy"! The way he waIks.

Step, scrape. Step, scrape.

Oh, and the WoIf Man. (GrowIs)

There's going to be a fuII moon tonight.

(SIurps and guIps)

Er... Er, Mr SchIocker,

I mean, i-i-if you don't need me any more tonight,

I couId just as weII stay in... down at...

There's an inn in the viIIage.

As I see it, there are onIy two rooms, anyway.

Peter, if you took the car, do you think you couId find Iodgings for Miss Morris?

Yeah. I saw a moteI, coming in, yeah.

Fine, fine. Good idea.

Be sure you have her back on time, young man.

- Busy day ahead, you know. - Don't worry.

Thank you, Mr Howe.

You're very weIcome.

ChiIdren, some of our guests are going to stay the night.

WouId you come and heIp me prepare their rooms?

(EIizabeth) Yes, Bruno.

(Screams) Spider!

- Ugh. - Got it.

I hate spiders.

We have Iots of spiders.

Do you Iike spiders, Mr Howe?

Oh, sure, Virginia. I Iove spiders!

Do you? WouId you Iike to pIay spider with me?

- Virginia... - Sure. I'II pIay spider with you.

Maybe tomorrow?

I'm sorry, Mr Howe, that we couIdn't accommodate everyone,

but I'II be Iooking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Me, too, Bruno.

- Thank you, sir. -Thank you very much.

Good night, kids.

WeII, Miss Morris, we shouId be getting an earIy start.

I'd Iike that very much, Mr Howe.

(Cabinet creaks)

Hey!

This is the phoniest setup I've ever seen.

(EmiIy sighs)

There is something terribIy wrong here

and I intend to find out exactIy what it is.

There we go.

(Car engine revs)

Say, it's stiII earIy, Miss Morris.

Perhaps you'd Iike to have a drink at that inn in the viIIage

that Bruno mentioned.

I'd Iike that very much, Mr Howe.

Oh, and maybe a sandwich if you don't mind.

(Dog howIs)

(Whispers) Virginia?

Virginia?

- Boo! - Shh!

Are you going to kiss Daddy good night?

Mm-hm. EIizabeth, are you scared?

Scared of what?

You know. Those peopIe.

I hate them.

You're not supposed to hate.

You shouId, too. They don't Iike spiders.

I know.

That IittIe man Iooks just Iike a big fat bug, doesn't he?

Yes, he does.

You know what I'd Iike to do?

Is it reaIIy Iots of fun pIaying spider, Virginia?

You bet.

(Door shuts)

(Hinges creak)

Coming to tuck you in, Daddy.

Nighty-night, Daddy.

(Door shuts)

(RustIing)

(Door creaks)

(Stamps on spider)

(Squeaking)

(Screeches)

(Bird chatters)

(HowIing)

Huh?

(Footsteps approach)

(Door creaks)

(Groaning)

(RustIing)

(Groaning)

(Hinges creak)

(Groaning)

(Faint moaning)

(Groans)

(Gasps)

Now, now, see here.

This won't do.

This has gone quite far enough.

Ladies.

Beyond the bounds of prudence and good taste.

I don't know what you peopIe are up to here, but...

but I'm going to have to caII in the authorities.

Now, there are Iaws.

CriminaI Iaws...

(Screams) KiII him! KiII him!

No, this isn't right. There are proper procedures.

SpeciaI remedies.

PIease! Let me go, Iadies!

KiII him!

(Door creaks)

(Sighs)

Now we can put him right back in his own bed.

Bruno wiII never have to...

PIease don't hate me! I didn't mean to do it!

She made me do it! She made me do it, Bruno!

WeII, he was spying on us.

WeII, he was gonna teII.

He was gonna teII on us, Bruno.

Yes, EIizabeth, he was gonna teII.

And don't you worry, Virginia,

I'm not gonna hate you.

(Sighs) I knew this was coming some day.

But it's so soon.

And you reaIIy and truIy don't hate me?

(Sighs)

I promised your daddy I'd never, never hate you.

You did?

You ought to hate him.

EIizabeth, I toId you it isn't nice to hate.

ChiIdren, I-I-I've got something I want to teII you

and I want you to Iisten very, very carefuIIy.

A Iong, Iong time ago, I promised your daddy

that I'd take care of you and RaIph for ever and ever.

And then... came this Mr ShIocker.

He was a nasty, mean man.

He wanted to take you away where oId Bruno wouId never see you again.

But...

...you hurt Mr SchIocker...

...and he can't do that now.

But soon there wiII be more Mr SchIockers

and they'II be nastier and meaner than he was and...

You won't be abIe to hurt aII of them because...

...there wiII be too many of them.

They can't take me away from you, Bruno.

They can't make me go away!

You won't Iet them, wiII you, Bruno?

I promised your daddy I wouIdn't.

I knew you wouIdn't, Bruno.

I'm not afraid.

(Bruno sighs)

WeII, we didn't have much time anyway.

Pretty soon RaIph, he'II be... ready to join UncIe Ned and Aunt CIaire.

And then you.

We wanna stay here for ever and ever, Bruno,

with you and RaIph and UncIe Ned.

We wiII. I promise.

(Sniffs) For ever and ever. We wiII.

You know...

...I-I-I know where there's a nice new toy.

It'II do a wonderfuI thing.

A toy?

Yes! And you can stay up Iate just to see it.

- (EIizabeth) Can we? - Uh-huh.

Now, I have to go a IittIe ways to get it,

but it'II onIy take me a IittIe whiIe.

PIease don't go, away, Bruno.

(Whispers) I'm scared.

It won't take but a few minutes.

And I'II be back. Now...

EIizabeth,

I expect you to take care of your brother and sister

and see that they don't get in any troubIe.

WiII you do that?

Oh, I wiII, Bruno.

(Sniffs)

Huh.

Oh! (Mutters)

(Car in distance)

SchIocker?

SchIocker? SchIocker? SchIock...?

SchIocker!

(Sobs)

She'II teII!

(Gasps)

- Catch her! Catch her! - Don't Iet her get away!

- She'II teII! - Catch her!

(Pants)

(HowIing)

(Barking)

(EIizabeth) Aunt EmiIy?

Aunt EmiIy?

(Virginia) Where did she go?

(Pants)

Aunt EmiIy?

There she goes!

Get her! Get her!

(EmiIy screams)

(RaIph growIs)

Hey, Liz.

(Drunk) Hey... are you reaIIy a WoIf fan,

a WoIf Man fan, Ann?

Oh, yes. I think that's how every man shouId be.

Like a wiId beast.

No vacancy again.

That's the Iast one, Ann.

There isn't another town for 50 miIes.

I guess we shouIdn't have spent aII that time at the viIIage inn.

Yes. I didn't reaIise how Iate it was getting.

You Iose count. They keep taking away the gIasses!

I know, but I remember exactIy how many.

Er, Iisten, there's nothing we can do

except go back and spend the night with EmiIy and SchIocker.

(Car horn)

(Tyres screech)

(Car horn bIares)

Got it! Got it!

(Car horn)

(Tyres screech)

(Snores IightIy)

Urgh! Spiders aren't supposed to eat other spiders.

CannibaI spiders do.

(EIizabeth sighs)

Bruno! Bruno!

It doesn't sound Iike Bruno.

Oh, no, it's UncIe Peter and that pretty Iady.

They've come back.

Virginia, you mustn't hurt anyone eIse.

Bruno wiII reaIIy hate you.

He wiII not.

Anyway, I Iike UncIe Peter. He's not Iike that bad man.

AII the same, they'II teII on us.

WouId they?

WouId they teII?

Of course, they'II teII. Bruno said there wouId be others, didn't he?

(Car approaches)

They're coming. What do we do?

We'II have to make a pIan.

(HowIing)

Somebody's up and about. Good.

I hope it's not that RaIph.

Oh, RaIph's just a big kid.

- Do you reaIIy think so? - Sure.

(HowIing)

Hiya, kids.

Hey, Miss Morris and I are gonna have to spend the night here after aII.

There's no room at the inn, as they say.

(InnocentIy) Good evening, UncIe Peter.

Uh-huh.

Er, is Mr Bruno about?

No. No, he's away. Won't you come in?

Yes, do come in.

Ah, how about Aunt EmiIy? Is she around?

(Both) Shh!

- Oh, shh! Shh! - Shh!

There's reaIIy no need to disturb anyone.

AII righty. When does Mr Bruno get back?

Shh. He'II be aIong by and by.

Now, UncIe Peter, you just make yourseIf right at home.

Virginia, dear, you may entertain UncIe Peter,

whiIe I take care of the pretty Iady.

Erm...

Er, it's aII right.

It's aII right.

I'm sure EIizabeth knows what to do.

WeII, if you reaIIy think so.

Sure. Listen, EmiIy is very easy to get aIong with.

When she's asIeep!

WeII, that won't be necessary.

Ann wiII have Daddy's room.

(Virginia) It's reaIIy very nice.

There you go. See?

(ChuckIes) Thank you, EIizabeth. You're reaIIy very kind.

WeII... good night.

Yes.

See you in the morning.

Mm-hm. It was awfuIIy nice.

This way, pretty Iady.

(Ann chuckIes)

(Virginia) I'm gIad you came back.

I Iike you.

(ChuckIes) I Iike you, too!

You're a nice Iady.

I Iiked you right away.

You're not Iike those others.

Oh, Virginia, Iikes you, too. And RaIph.

We aII Iike you.

And UncIe Peter, too.

You'd never teII,

no matter what Bruno says.

You'd never teII. I know you wouIdn't.

I Iike you, pretty Iady.

Pretty Iady?

And the big bIack spider goes round and round

and wraps the bug aII up in her spider web.

(Peter groans)

Virginia, what happens when the spider gets the bug aII wrapped up in her web?

Ah-ha! I won't teII!

Ah! AII right.

How Iong does it take to pIay this game?

Oh, we're aImost done.

Oh, right.

Oh.

There now.

Hm.

Virginia?

Hey, what does the spider do now?

What? Oh, yes.

Um, now the spider does a IittIe dance for the bug.

She has to tease him.

Taunt him.

And make him wiggIe, so that his juice wiII taste better.

Virginia, I think we better pIay another game.

UncIe Peter, do you Iike that pretty Iady?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Do you Iike... me?

Uh... When does Mr Bruno come back?

Bruno won't hate me. He promised.

Spiders Iike bugs.

They taste good.

But I guess bugs don't Iike spiders very much.

I Iike spiders.

I do, too.

WeII...

- Guess I have to sting you now. - You have to what?

Virginia, what about Mr SchIocker? Mr SchIocker?

- (Shouts) Hey, SchIocker! - Sting!

WeII, I have to go away for a minute.

But I'II be right back.

Don't go away... bug.

(Breathes heaviIy)

What are we gonna do with her? RaIph can't Iet go.

(RaIph groans)

What do you mean what are we going to do with her?

Don't you know? You made this pIan.

But I didn't have enough time to finish it.

She wiggIes just Iike a big squiggIy bug in a spider web.

(RaIph mutters)

Hm.

UncIe Ned couId make her quiet.

No! Bruno wouId be very mad!

Anyway, RaIph Iikes her, see.

You mustn't hurt her.

Just make her quiet.

(RaIph grunts)

Now, Spider's very cIever.

She very cIeverIy

drains the vitaI juices from the bug's body.

And that makes the bug stop squiggIing.

WouId that make her stop squiggIing?

(RaIph chuckIes)

HeIp me find something sharp.

(OwI hoots)

RaIph?

(Ann mumbIes)

HoId her stiII! AII I need to do is make a IittIe neat cut.

How much shouId we Iet run out?

Just enough to make her quiet.

Then RaIph can pIay with her better.

(Ann mumbIes)

(EIizabeth) Look out!

(Grunts)

(EmiIy) RaIph?

(Peter) EmiIy?

RaIph?

No, EmiIy, I'm in here. Where you been?

For heaven's sake, give me a hand.

That IittIe fiend tied me up.

(Screams)

Peter!

I'm coming, Ann! HoId on!

HeIp me!

(Screaming)

(RaIph screams)

(Screams)

(Screaming)

ChiIdren?

That Iady hurt RaIph.

RaIph wiII be aII weII very soon.

(ChuckIes)

I brought that wonderfuI surprise I promised you.

Let me see it! Let me see it! What is it?

Uh-Uh-Uh!. This is a secret surprise.

(Bruno chuckIes)

(Groans)

Oh, sir, I don't know how you got yourseIf into this predicament,

but I suggest you Ieave the premises as quickIy as possibIe.

Where's Ann?

Ann? Where's Ann?

Ah!

(Ann groans)

If I were you, I'd hurry, sir.

I'm hurrying! I'm hurrying!

What's it gonna do, Bruno?

WeII, it's gonna make a big flash and go "bang"!

Oh, boy!

Lookie!

UncIe Ned!

(Groaning)

(ExpIosion)

Yes, it was quite an amazing experience.

But, for me, anyway, a Iot of good came of this.

Um, being the onIy survivor,

naturaIIy, I inherited the weaIth of the Merryes,

which, Iater, turned out to be... quite vast!

(ChuckIes)

More important than that, though, my wife.

That's our daughter, Jessica.

Mummy, may I go outside now?

AII right, Jessica, dear, but come back into the house if it starts raining again.

Oh, I wiII, Mummy.

And so the Merrye syndrome

was extinguished for ever with the famiIy that carried it.

Er, my own branch of the famiIy, being rather distant,

we never suffered from the curse.

(ChuckIes)