Original subtitles

They're going to get pissed off at me. I don't even have a watch...

You're moving, or what?

I forgot about the carpet in the apartment.

Learn how to drive!

Grumpy old man!

Where's the second gear?

Please Not Now!

- Hello. - Is that her?

I have a good excuse, Philippe...

A wonderful excuse.

I've heard that one before...

When you know, you're going to thank me.

So, thank you.

You don't believe me?

That's typical of you.

I sold mother's heirloom to buy you a watch, and all I get is you yelling at me.

Me?

I've just lost a contract because of you.

Three pages in color for America.

500,000 francs, that's all.

What I did was much more important. I found it!

Who?

Who? The apartment.

There she goes again.

Serge! Set up the lights.

Bernard! Set up the lights.

It's what you wanted...

Sorry, Marie-Jeanne.

Exactly what you wanted.

It has a huge living-room, an alcove for the bed, a kitchen...

...a bathroom with great storage space. It's on Henri-Martin Avenue.

Six million...

...and... twelve million in two installments.

- You want me back tomorrow at 3 o'clock? - Please.

Bernard! The fridge.

The Marie-Claire contract.

- Should I put on my fake lashes? - No, no need.

Then, I'm ready!

I knew you'd like it, so I asked them to hold it.

You left a deposit?

No, I didn't have any money on me. But, I told them we'll come tomorrow.

Hey, your pants!

Oh, my pants.

What's your name, again?

Are you mad? Sophie.

You know what it means in Greek?

- Sofia? - No.

It means wisdom!

For the past 18 months we've been dating...

...you've wanted to move to 14 different places.

You should open a real estate agency.

- That's all you have to say? - Lie on the hammock!

- Here? - Yes.

You're sure it's going to hold?

Yes, yes. Don't worry.

- You're not my ducky anymore? - No, not here.

Then, tell me something nice.

I love you.

"I love you, you love me, we will love each other...

"Until the end of the world...

"And, since the earth is round...

"There's no need to worry, my love."

I'm not worried. But everybody's waiting for you.

So, you understand what's happening, dear?

You're in the desert. It's over 100 degrees. You're thirsty.

What are you doing?

I try to look like a little kitty. That's what suits me best.

Please, darling. We're already behind schedule because of you.

So you drink, it's cool and refreshing, and you're alive again.

Open up to 6.3. The background doesn't matter.

- Bernard, the rifle. - Oh, sorry.

- Right there, against the wall. - Quiet!

I feel nauseous.

Just what we needed!

Please concentrate. Don't put on that silly face.

Okay, look as stupid as you want.

Do you need a hand?

I'll be right back. Carry on.

- Where is he going? - Nevermind. Stay there.

Quiet on the set. Don't move!

What's wrong with her today? She's crazy!

Sorry, we're running late with the shoot. I'll see you at Flore's, at 6:00?

At Flore's? Oh, yes, I love that...

- Is it going alright? - Yes, yes.

Who was hooting at you?

Antoine. He wanted me to come with him to test-drive the new Ferrari.

You know, the new sedan... What a car!

But we're late, right...

- Okay, so, lift your arm a bit. - Don't touch me!

We're going?

Where to?

- Shall we? - Let's go!

Francoise Sagan! Right there!

I would have thought she was younger than that.

Watch me at work...

- Oh, mother! - No, you're mistaken, young man.

Oh, sorry!

Thank you.

Late.

"It was Blucher..."

- Have you been waiting for long? - No.

Isn't it sad to see such a young and healthy guy...

...wasting his time in bars, instead of working, like everybody else.

- Pascal, two teas. - Coming, sir.

Let's assume...

Let's assume that tonight you find me especially sweet...

Far sweeter than yesterday or the day before...

We leave here. We go dancing...

Maybe slow-dancing...

...and all of a sudden, I get lucky...

...I make you laugh.

Without realizing it, you're at my place...

I take your dress off. I undress you completely...

It's 3:00 AM... I turn the light off.

- Or I leave it on, how you like it... - You turn it off.

A few hours later...

...imagine you wake up in my arms. What would you say?

I would say that you weren't too good with the ears!

I can tell you now. I've heard a lot of bad things about you.

That you were the kind of guy who would...

A bastard?

And me, I heard that you were one of those rich Americans...

...who came to Paris for a bit of...

...a bitch?

- That's it, I'm in love! - Where?

There, look...

- Me too! - Too late.

Look, she's got a present for me.

You see? What do you think it is? The wallet from Hermes?

It's a little big.

- So, it's the cashmere from Dior? - Looks more like a cake.

That's sweet, anyway.

I'll make you pay for this!

She doesn't mess around, your girlfriend.

- He got what he deserved. - That's for sure.

- What should I do, now? - Help him get clean.

- You think? - Yeah.

You go, or I go?

No, you go. You're better than me.

- There's some left, there. - Get off me!

- What did I do wrong, now? - This morning was not enough?

- But, I love you... - I don't care. I couldn't care less.

It's over between us. Understand?

It's not true!

Are you out of your mind, or what?

No, I'm a woman!

Exactly, we are women, therefore weak, therefore forgivable.

Nobody asked you!

Don't think you're getting off that easily.

She spares you the vulgar jealousy scene and instead...

...gently lands a pie in your face.

And you still find something to complain about!

He's right. You should be ashamed of yourself.

- Are you asking for a fight? - You're asking for one!

Leave Philippe alone!

Is it over, now?

That's the last time I come to your rescue.

We're impulsive, even aggressive, but after what happened...

That guy is annoying me behind the door...

Are you done behaving like a little girl?

Do as you please. We're not together anymore.

Paris is a wild and exciting city.

So, Philippe...

- What does she want again? - Let me speak!

Sorry, darling.

What did he say?

We were born alone, we will die alone. So, let's try not to feel too alone in between.

He really said that?

No, he didn't really say that. But, it's true. Come on.

You don't waste any time, do you?

- Neither do you. - What do you mean?

I've known you for five minutes and you're already making a scene.

Leave me alone.

Bravo! Very good! Not only do you feel cheated...

...but your sweetie pie leaves with a gorgeous woman...

...and we have to go back downstairs...

...defeated, humiliated, ridiculous.

One minute.

Look at you... with such pretty eyes, such a pretty mouth and all the rest...

We're entitled to be self-assured.

We're going to go down, you on my arm...

...happy, triumphant, like a queen!

Happy, I can't.

But like a queen, I'll try.

Let's go.

- Good job, right? - Yes, sir.

- Allow me to introduce myself... - Okay, okay. Excuse him. He's a well-bred.

Are you saying that for me?

You're adorable. You're a model. You've taken dance classes.

You've been in Paris less than two years now.

How do you know?

Who's your friend? Sherlock Holmes?

Model, because maybe I've seen your picture.

Dancer, I can tell by your walk.

Like Baudelaire would say...

"Even when she walks she looks like she's dancing."

All right. But, how did you guess that I've been in Paris for two years?

Because after two years, we get less hot-headed... more civilized.

- Waiter, another tea with milk. - Without milk!

- My figure. - I see.

So, my name is Claude. This is Alain, and you are...

Sophie. Do you know what it means in Greek?

Wisdom.

He knows everything, your friend.

Everything. You know...

So, should we go to the movies? What do you say?

Not too fast. I'm not sure you understand.

We came downstairs together, thank you...

...not down the aisle.

Okay, we don't have to commit. We can still be friends.

Exactly. We don't have to commit. Bye, now.

This is great what you're doing, really.

You have your ways of talking to women.

A girl who has just been dumped has only two solutions.

Go back home and sob all night, or get her revenge.

You chose to sob. That's your right. I understand.

What shall I do to get my revenge?

Sit down.

Okay, I'm getting my revenge. That'll teach him.

Congratulations! You'll see, I'm a funny guy.

- You're quick, above all. - What's wrong with you?

I think I get the credit for making Sophie stay.

You seem to forget who went to get her in the first place.

- You're not going to have an argument, now! - Fine.

Let a cart race decide who wins.

- Best of three laps. - All right.

- Who wins what? - The privilege of helping you.

Oh, alright.

- It's not dangerous, at least. - Oh, no!

What are you doing?

I won. I'm taking Sophie back home.

You didn't win. She did. Not you.

True, but I still came in ahead of you.

It doesn't matter.

Okay. Let's race for two laps without her.

What for? You must know by now that women always decide, not men.

- I didn't decide anything, myself! - You see? Let's go!

- They're completely nuts those two. - Gentlemen, gentlemen!

- I warn you, I'm going to bed. - No!

And why not?

Brake, for God's sake!

You see. We have a duty not to leave you alone.

It's too dangerous.

I see only one solution, drinking.

What?

- A small glass never... - That's for damn sure.

- Only problem being that I never drink. - Really? A religious thing?

No, my figure.

Do you know the one about the two nuns caught in a storm...

It's not dirty, right?

What I like about Sophie is her purity.

That's why you came to speak to me?

No, that wasn't me. That was Claude.

I was watching you, and I was saying, "that girl could never look cheap."

- Really? That's what you said? - Yes, really.

Maybe we should start thinking about the psodathrosis.

The what?

Yes, we chat and chat and we end up forgetting about work.

And what do you do?

We're surgeons. And we're performing surgery tomorrow.

If I have a kid one day, I'd like him to be an architect or a surgeon.

Architecture, it's only piling stones, you know.

Our profession saves lives.

Unbelievable.

Not bad, for someone who claims she doesn't drink.

Sing us a song.

"I love you, you love me, we will love each other...

"Til the end of the world...

"And, since the earth is round...

"There's no need to worry, my love!"

That's it... I'm home. Good-bye, now.

You've been very nice, good-bye.

- You want to see me in a bikini? - Yes. Here?

- Okay, come. - You're going to catch a cold.

Don't worry. Close your eyes...

One... two... three.

What bastards!

To do that in your own street. It's disgusting.

Alain, help me.

- You having fun, down there? - You don't know what you're missing.

Take me down.

Okay, I'll do it myself.

Come and help me, you lazy bastards!

Come down. We're going to help you.

You didn't think I was talking to you, officer.

No, we never think when we're out in the field.

We only start thinking at the police station, at 10:00 a.m.

Let's go, tough guy.

Oh, not that tough, you know...

You must be mistaken. This gentleman is my friend.

Friend or not, he shouldn't vandalize billboards...

...or speak irreverently to public officers on duty.

- But he wasn't really... - Do you want me to arrest you too?

- Where do you live? - Here.

Here? Okay, let's go.

Get some strong coffee. You two love birds will feel better tomorrow.

Good night, Mr. Legrand!

Good night, Mademoiselle.

- Are you ashamed of me? - No, that's not it.

Mr. Legrand is a very nice man. But, he told me...

...that if I bring a man back home, he'd kick me out.

Please, sit down.

- I hope you don't mind the mess. - Not at all.

A girl as beautiful as you, a cover girl...

...you can't be very fond of domestic chores.

Me? Quite the contrary.

I'd love to take care of my house and do some cooking, but I never have the time.

Maybe I'm not cut out for the kind of life I lead.

Talk, talk, talk, that's all I'm doing.

I shouldn't keep you here. Good bye.

Impossible. We have to wait for Mr. Legrand to fall asleep. Your reputation...

Oh, yeah.

Where are my slippers?

Excuse me.

I can see them. They're under the chair.

Thank you.

Can we play a record while we wait?

No, after 10:00 p.m. It's too late.

You're right, your reputation...

- You look good as a brunette, as well. - That's not me.

That's Granny Colomba from Corsica. A wonderful woman.

She gave me this bed.

I love having a big bed so I can stretch out when I sleep.

Over there, there's a beautiful object.

It was given to me as a gift by a Hindu prince.

Prince Schribouyoune Bayane. Do you know him?

Look, it swirls in the light.

What about a final drink? To Colomba's health.

I think we've drunk enough already.

- Some coffee, instead? - All right, coffee.

I'm tired. I'm going to put my pajamas on.

I have to get up early tomorrow.

- Are you taking a shower? - No, it would be too noisy.

Hey... You still want coffee?

Of course, why not?

Just asking.

- I must be torn to shreds. - No, you're fine.

I was so scared. Do I still have my lashes?

It's Mr. Legrand.

- What's going on? - It was a gas explosion!

- I'll call the fire station. - No, no need. It's fine.

Okay, I'll leave the door open in case you need anything.

- Don't hesitate to call me. - Okay, thank you.

Is there a fire?

No, it's over.

- You really scared me, Sophie. - What a day, huh?

I don't want you to use this stove anymore, all right?

Mr. Legrand is right. So many accidents are happening these days.

Imagine if the explosion had damaged these beautiful shoulders...

this beautiful neck...

these beautiful...

You're naked!

You know why I came here. Don't you want your revenge anymore?

With you, it wouldn't be revenge, it would be cheating on him.

You want me to leave?

Yes, please.

So, you want me to leave because you like me?

Yes. Are you mad?

Because you like me, I'm going to walk the streets to try find a cab?

Not to mention the landlord I'll wake up on my way out.

What will he think of you?

Okay, you can stay. But you sleep on the floor.

Alright.

You're going to swear to me on your...

- Do you have a mother? - Yes.

- Is she alive? - Yes.

So, you swear on her head that you're not going to try to touch me.

You don't trust me?

You swear, or you leave.

I swear.

- Who is it? - It's me, Marie-Jeanne.

One sec, dear. I can't find the key!

- Who is it? - It's Marie-Jeanne. Be quiet.

- And? - And you have to hide. Quick!

Why? We didn't even sleep in the same bed.

She's Philippe's assistant.

Go and hide in the bathroom.

Help me with the mattress first.

This is tough.

No, there, there.

What are you doing, stupid!

Go and hide. Close the door.

- It's broken. - Then, slip under the bed.

- I can't. - Then, get under the mattress.

It's taking you long.

Coming... I've just found it.

Hello. Oh, geez.

What noise you're making trying to find your key!

What a mess your room is!

The gas stove exploded.

As usual...

No! Come, sit here. It's more comfortable.

You haven't asked what brings me here?

Yeah, you're right. What brings you here?

You must be very brave...

- I thought you never get the hiccups. - Only when I'm upset.

Listen, Philippe called me this morning.

He is all right?

Yes, he's fine.

- Listen... - Sorry, it must be nerves.

Philippe asked me to manage the studio for 2 weeks.

That's wonderful!

Poor darling... Philippe is leaving tonight for Villars-de-Lans.

He asked me to book two berths on the train.

So he's not too mad at me, after all.

He's leaving with Barbara Wilbury.

He's been after her for a month now. I didn't want to tell you. But then...

What?

I thought it's better you know about it. At least you won't look stupid.

You know, Philippe wasn't the right guy for you, anyway.

And you weren't the right girl for him.

But we've been dating for 18 months.

You were only an accident in his life. A very charming one, though.

So, you think it's all over?

Against Barbara Wilbury, forget it.

She's tall and scrawny.

Her assets aren't that scrawny. She's the Wilbury heiress.

And you know who the Wilburys are in America?

They're worth millions, and own half of Chicago's slaughter houses!

I'm not surprised. She looks like someone who kills little animals.

It doesn't seem to bother Philippe. He says he's going to marry her.

Oh, no, it's not true... It's not true...

Yes, it is. Now you know what kind of a bastard he is.

Now I've also got the hiccups.

Come with me. I'm already late. We'll speak in the cab...

I don't want to go out. I can't.

Come, I beg you.

I'm too ugly right now...

Promise me that you won't let yourself down.

I promise.

Be strong.

What a bastard he is!

See? You should have taken your revenge last night.

You're right. Now, I'm going to take my revenge.

And, right now...

Colomba, cross my heart, hope to die!

I swear that I will get revenge against Barbara Wilbury.

What does your grandmother have to do with it?

You don't know Colomba's story... of course.

The day of her wedding, in our small village near Bastia...

Colomba learned that her fiance was taking off with a Parisian woman...

- Like you. - Yes, like me.

And you know what she did?

Yeah, she committed suicide.

What about hell? She went for murder.

She killed him in front of the mayor, I bet.

You really don't get it. She couldn't kill him because she was in love with him.

- She killed the Parisian woman! - Wow!

And of course, she was acquitted.

And her fiance was so impressed with her that he married her the next day.

- He was my grandpa Napoleon. - The Emperor?

You're so dumb! All Corsicans are named Napoleon.

- And you want to do the same? - Yeah.

That will teach Philippe a lesson. He always thinks that I'm stupid.

I don't want to disappoint you...

...but Paris is not Ajaccio...

- It wasn't Ajaccio, it was Bastia! - Okay, Bastia then.

How do you want to do it? Poisoning takes too long...

Guns make too much noise...

And pushing her from a cliff, you have to find a cliff first.

Why so complicated? I'll use a rifle, like Colomba!

- A rifle... - Don't worry I know where to get one.

What is it, young man?

Is Sophie gone already?

Yes, Miss Sophie has already left for work...

...courageously, in her little car, like a nice girl.

- She's wonderful. - Yes, she's wonderful.

But, what are you doing here, by her window?

There were some extraordinary circumstances yesterday...

Extraordinary is right. This is the first time I've seen a man here.

- You're not saying that just to please me. - I swear...

...on my Purple Heart that I was awarded in Verdun in...

Anyway... what are your intentions?

- Well, you know... - You'd better not hurt her!

What's your... financial situation? Are you... doing alright?

I'm a surgeon.

It's great. I trust her to choose what's best. I'm sure you're a good man.

Since you mentioned it, I...

My God, the surgery!

Surgeons are intelligent guys, and they make good money.

Don't worry, pal. It's minor surgery.

So...?

- I'm in love. - No, where?

There.

- Poor you. - That's not sad... Maybe, it is...

Why? She's not good in bed?

- I don't know. - How come you don't know?

Because you didn't...?

Nope.

Relax.

I love a girl who loves someone else, and I won't see her for 20 years.

Why? You've fallen out, already?

- My leg. - Stop fretting!

- She wants to kill Barbara. - And it's going to take her 20 years?

- You go to jail for a crime of passion. - That's true.

But those in love, never age.

- Tell her not to kill her in Seine-et-Oise. - Why?

Remember what they did to Landru in Versailles?

No, not now, not now.

You really think that...

Yep.

What?

Nothing, nothing. They're so sensitive this year!

Let's go.

- Sir... - Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine.

If you want my opinion, you'd better move on.

It's hard enough to deal with a woman, let alone a murderess!

- But, I'm in love with her. - Go and tell that to the judge, in court.

Varnier, the doctor is asking for you.

- Beware! - Watch out, you!

Sir, your colleague...

He got the wrong leg!

It's too late now!

- Alain Varnier. - Hi!

- Is the dress ready? - In two seconds.

I came to see you to discuss an important and urgent matter with you.

Alain Varnier... I was at the Flore cafe yesterday.

I came to tell you that I went out with... you know who.

And?

- This morning, she told me... - You don't waste any time, do you?

Tell her whatever you want. I don't have time, right now.

She told me she was going to kill her.

Who? The baker's wife?

No, the woman you were with.

Start without me. Come here...

I know Sophie inside and out.

She may not be well-bred, but she's harmless.

- Yet, at the cafe, yesterday... - I appreciate your telling me.

But, if it troubles you, I can assure you Barabara's not in danger.

You can sleep soundly and so can Barbara.

Now, if you 'd excuse me, I have to work.

Please, don't look at me like that!

Before leaving, she told me that she knew where to get a rifle.

- Why not a bazooka? - Family tradition.

I can picture her entering a tobacco shop...

"Ma'am, a pack of cigarettes please, and a rifle. It's for a murder."

Ah, she...

- She told you she knows where to get one? - Verbatim.

Marie-Jeanne, where's the rifle?

In its case, in front of you.

- Was Sophie here this morning? - Yes, for two minutes.

What did she want?

She said she forgot something, and then left.

Where can she be...

Downstairs.

Shit.

You can say that again.

We're being silly. The gun wasn't even loaded.

She had two hours to buy cartridges.

You think she did?

I wouldn't give a damn if it wasn't for Barbara...

She's on her way and I can't get a hold of her to warn her.

Sophie may well be trying to shoot her in a few minutes.

I'm going to tell her that you were already gone. You went far away.

That's it. Besides, it's true. I'm leaving for Villars-de-Lans tonight.

You know, Barbara means a lot to me.

Maybe you should go down and tell her to calm down.

- It's better you go. - All right.

Please, hurry up. We only have a few seconds left. Be strong...

You shouldn't pity me.

You want to come and see the shot?

What are you doing here? I thought you were at the hospital?

You can start the car. There's nobody upstairs.

You're sure?

I've just been there. Where were you this morning?

You're a nice guy. But we won't see each other very often.

Careful, it's loaded.

- Going somewhere? - Yes.

To Villars-de-Lans. Like Philippe.

With this.

- You'd better try something else. - Like what?

Like making him jealous. It usually works.

I like that.

I arrive there tomorrow, find a guy who is after me, and make Philippe jealous.

- And he dumps Barbara! - And he dumps nothing at all.

If you look for a guy there, Philippe will know immediately.

No, what you need to do is arrive with a guy already.

You, of course! Would you be ready to come with me?

Anything to help you.

So, you have 37,000 and I have 45,000.

7 plus 5 makes... 12. So, we have 82,000 francs.

I think we can make it, if we spend sparingly.

I'll come and pick you up at 7:00. I have to tell them I'm leaving, at work.

We're just pretending that we're in love. Is that clear?

- Business trip like partners. - All right. See you later.

Good evening.

Good evening. He loves me, he loves me not...

- This is how you see partnership? - Yes.

So, good night!

- They wouldn't let you? - No, we tried everything.

But they said the train was completely full.

Let me tell you, that's not the way we were planning our wedding night!

- And where's your wife? - There.

There?

Here?

Are you married, yourself?

No, but I'd sure like to be...

...definitely.

- Beautiful girl. - If you want my advice...

We're going to switch berths with your wife, OK?

What about the young lady?

- She's my fiance. - Excellent!

You dropped this.

You're lucky to be married.

Sleep tight.

It's not fair that I'm here alone, in this train, while others are happily married.

Hey, miss... Ma'am!

Alain!

Shit!

What are you doing in that bed?

- I'm being a nice guy... - What?

When I saw this young couple traveling in separate berths, you know me...

I decided to give them my bed.

I can't help it. I love people to be happy.

- Where does it hurt? - I can't tell you.

I'm a surgeon, you know.

So, prepare me some compresses. I can't walk anymore.

But, let me tell you that if you act foolishly again, I'll ring the bell.

Mademoiselle. It's 8 o'clock.

Come on, Miss, wake up.

Lazy! It's 8:00.

16,000 francs a day! Is that really your cheapest price?

We do not have a "cheapest price", Miss. That's the official price.

What about without a bathroom? Maybe you can go down to 8,000?

Miss, we don't have any room without a bathroom.

So, there's really nothing cheaper? You're sure?

Yes, there's cheaper...

...in other hotels.

- Shall I take your luggage upstairs? - Wait a minute!

What about going back to Paris?

- We're here, now... - We're here!

Exactly. I'm here to stay, like Cambronne used to say.

- Cambronne, really? - Oh, shit.

Are you nuts? 16,000 francs a night?

Do you think that breakfast is included?

- So, do you want the room? - Yes, yes.

But I need to make a call before. Is there a phone box anywhere?

Yes, which number do you want?

112.

- But, that's the hotel number! - Then, room 112.

- You know somebody in room 112? - Of course not!

But I wanted to be able to talk to you privately.

So, we only have...

48,000 francs left.

That's going to last us 3 days, without counting the food. It's going to be hard.

- Who's this? - It's me, Sophie.

- Who was it? - Who was it...

Take that, jerk. That's from Sophie.

She hung up. So, what are we doing?

We kiss. We're lovers, aren't we?

Try to think, instead. We have to be in the same hotel as Philippe.

- Please, be nice. We'll be very quiet. - That's not the point, Miss.

- What about room 12A? - Yes, that's true!

Is room 12A cheaper?

Room 12A is available. But, do not expect the luxury...

As long as we can lie... I mean, sleep...

It's 6,000 francs a day, service and taxes not included.

Wonderful! We'll refer to you our friends.

It's not that bad, room 12A, right?

It's not really a room. But you're both young. It will do.

Is it still far?

No, it's right here, Miss.

It's not great. But we still have the same snow as the other guests.

You think you're on vacation?

- What shall I do with it? - Hang it on the wall.

Good afternoon.

What is wrong with her?

What kind of a room is this?

Look!

Oh, geez.

Did you see that?

- We're not going to starve to death. - I wish it was jam.

You're never happy. When I was a little girl, I had a rabbit named Pickle.

Did you always want to become a model, when you were a little girl?

You're kidding! I wanted to be a pilot, like Guynemer...

Were you like you are now?

No, I was crazy and irritable. It's amazing how you change when you grow older.

Unbelievable! I'm going to show them who I am.

Hello, what do you think you're doing?

6,000 francs a night.

I mean... is Philippe Belmas in his room, please?

He went to the Bobsled racing?

Do you know he almost won the French championship last year.

He made the best time for the first 50 meters, then he missed a turn.

No, do not wake up Miss Wilbury.

We have 48 hours to make Philippe jealous, after that...

- What are you doing? - He may be watching us.

Make sure he is, first.

See, he's not here!

What about over there?

- What shall we do? - Look as if you're in love.

No, with me!

And don't forget to call me "darling".

Not Alain, but "Alain darling" or "Alain honey."

Yes, Alain.

What did I just tell you?

Yes, Alain darling.

Kiss me.

What a surprise to see you here!

Hello, bad snowy girl! Do you mind...?

Hello, Philippe hon... hello.

I guess you don't know each other.

Philippe Belmas... Alain Honey... Alain Varnier.

That suits you to be in love, you know.

- Is that all you have to say? - No.

I forgive you for the incident at the Flore cafe.

- What's the matter with you? - Nothing. I just saw a friend, over there.

Actually, I'll think of it as a dear and pleasant remembrance.

- No! - Yes.

You always had a knack for putting an abrupt end to uneasy situation.

I guess you can say that, right?

- You're not very psychologically minded. - Where is she off to?

- To shoot Barbara! - We must stop her. Hurry!

- Surely that was better than the Austrians. - Really?

Quite right, Mr. Belmas. Second fastest today. Congratulations!

Second?

After the previous bob, 1-19-4...

- Where is it? - Over there.

She's already at the hotel.

- Your key, Miss! - Oh yes, my key.

What are you doing here? I thought you didn't like skiing.

No, I don't. But, I'm working here. I became a fakir.

So, you're not a prince anymore?

Of course I am. But before, I was a prince spending all his money in night clubs.

Now, I'm a prince whose bread and butter are night clubs.

- What are you doing with that? - I'm going to kill somebody.

- Right now? - Yes.

I don't need to know. Private life is sacred.

I'm sure that I can help. Have you tried everything else?

Everything.

Sit down.

Oh, sorry!

- Did you try hypnosis? - No.

You want to?

Do you think that you can make Philippe love me with hypnosis?

Of course. Come in.

What about if something goes wrong?

What if Philippe falls in love with Alain? Alain is...

You don't trust me?

I do. But, it's very important to me.

I need to be perfectly sure that you can do whatever you say. Understand?

Why don't you try it on him?

But...

What do you want me to have him do?

Have him go and kiss the statue.

- Two shots! - You sure it's the rifle?

You can't mistake it.

- Is there something wrong? - My focus...

Noise is the fakir's worst enemy.

I don't even know if can wake him up.

- Who's there? - Henri Laverne. It's urgent.

- Did the lady from 12A come back yet? - 10 minutes ago.

Oh, my God.

- Your key, Mr. Belmas! - Oh, yes, my key.

- I'm coming. I'm in the tub! - Who's that?

My boss at the club. Imagine if he sees that I cannot wake people up!

My contract would be cancelled in a minute. I'd die!

Come on, cheer up. We've got to do something.

We're going to hide him. I'm going to put him in a state of levitation.

- In a state of what? - Levitation.

It eliminates gravity. Open the door, quickly!

You're going to throw him through the window?

No, we're going to put him in the other room.

Take him. Lay him down.

Sorry.

Pardon me.

What a day, really!

I would've never thought she'd do it.

Look!

Sophie must have thought he was Barbara and shot him twice.

- Great! - What do you mean, "great"?

It means that Barbara is safe.

We still have a corpse to deal with!

We should put him in another room, somewhere safer.

We can get 10 years for aiding and abetting criminals. Maybe 20.

- He's definitely dead. - You think?

Help me carry him.

- He's stiff already! - It must be the climate.

You're a pretty strong guy.

Me? I'm not doing anything. Look.

Me neither.

Look, he's moving.

- You're not dead? - No.

- What about the lady? - Which lady?

Get your hands off her!

What happened?

A young blond girl with a gun had a Hindu guy put me under hypnosis.

She locked the door, and she said... What did she say...? Oh, yeah.

"You're sure you can make people do whatever you want?"

- Did she really say that? - Exactly like that.

With a weird kind of sneer on her face.

She's even more dangerous than I thought.

Imagine that! The perfect crime, a crime under hypnosis.

- Can I go now? - Yes.

You got it now? If you really give a damn about Barbara...

You have a way of putting things...

The only solution is to pretend that you're jealous.

You're talking too fast. I don't understand.

That's okay, dear. Everything is fine.

I'm sure that it's going to end badly, very badly.

I remember last year, the guy who killed his whole family in his sleep.

Well, trust me. Just pretend you're jealous and I'll take care of the rest.

- Thank you. - It's the least we can do between us men.

Very bad. Very, very bad.

My dear little Sophie...

I have been thinking a lot.

And I've just spoken to Philippe. Everything is fine.

You're kidding me. It's a disaster!

It's your fault.

It's not me who's in love with Barbara, I'm imagining it all?

You really think Philippe is in love with Barbara?

You can tell these things right away.

That's the point. Nobody can tell it as far as we're concerned.

You must let me hold you in my arms.

I need to kiss you on the lips. Like real love birds.

OK, let's go back!

No, not now. Philippe has suspicions. You know what he told me earlier:

"If you were really in love, you wouldn't have checked in at the same hotel."

- He really thinks about everything! - And so do I.

Tonight, we're going to the Bistrot Club. It's the place to go.

He won't see us for the whole day. He's going to worry.

Good idea. I'm going to rest now. I need to look great for tonight.

What are you doing?

What you've just said, taking a nap.

I didn't say in the same bed.

I've had more than enough of sleeping on the floor.

First, the mattress at your place, then the sleepless night on the train.

Off the bed, now!

OK, I'll be the one leaving you the bed.

- Where am I? - In the bathtub.

What is it that made you yell like that?

- I dreamt about you. It was awful! - Thanks.

You got lost in the mountains. I came to your rescue with a big St. Bernard.

As I rushed towards you...

- That's a hell of a dream... - Let me finish.

As I was about to save you, a big avalanche started.

And it woke me up!

- I'm starving! - Me too.

I'd love a nice fondue with a good bottle of white wine.

- Where are you off to? - To the restaurant, with you.

No way! Then we won't have a penny for going to the club.

You never told me that we were going on a hunger strike.

It's a breach of trust.

Stay here!

Go and sit on the bed.

I am sorry, sir, but we only have red wine.

It doesn't matter, "garcon".

- For you. - Thank you.

- Some more red, little soldier? - With pleasure!

You're okay?

I'm still hungry.

Wait. I'm going to see in the kitchen.

Oh, surprise!

No, no!

Don't be silly. We're going to eat this one! Come here.

Is there a spoon somewhere?

"Let's watch this treasure of Florentine graces!

"Undulating her muscular body...

"Full of elegance and power...

"This woman is a piece of miracle...

Don't you dare calling me a "piece"!

- It's not me, that was Baudelaire. - Oh, sorry.

Don't move like that.

Can you help me zip my dress.

- Do you know how adorable you look? - If anything, I'll make a nice housewife.

Listen, it's La Bamba!

Louder!

I'm exhausted.

What's wrong?

Look!

- It's the dog from my dream! Don't touch him! - Don't be scared.

See... he's real.

No, it's fake. There's no rum barrel.

- How did he manage to get in? - That doesn't seem to be a problem.

Oh, poor dog. What about taking him back to Paris with us?

Instead of Philippe? Sure!

I can't believe I almost forgot.

- Who, Philippe? - No, the night-club.

And the dog?

We'll take him and check him with the coats.

We have a party of four, here.

And now, for the first time in Villars-de-Lans...

...let's welcome Rita Campbell, the dancer who will make you dream.

Let's dance?

Again?!

What do you mean, "again"?

- Did he hurt you? - Oh, yes, a lot!

Really charming, this girl...

I like her awkwardness. Why are you kicking her like that?

That's true...

- Do you think I didn't see you? - Let me explain...

Are you friends with the guy she's dancing with. He's quite sexy!

Don't you think you're pushing it too far? There's a place for that. It's called a bed.

It's working, it's working!

I can't believe it!

- Did I hurt you? - A lot.

Why are you laughing, then?

It shows that you're jealous.

And if you're jealous, you're in love.

And if you're in love, you don't love Philippe anymore.

So, you're in love with me.

- What are you doing? - I'm thinking.

Our first kiss...

The second.

Now, there needs to be a third.

You understand, now. It happened because of you.

Are you done, or what?

I'm asking if you're done!

Shut up!

And tonight, with us in Villars-de-Lans, the magician who's never wrong...

His Highness, the Prince Shribouyoune Bayane!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

For his first act of hypnosis...

the prince will need the assistance of two volunteers.

There's nothing to fear.

Just a five minute trip into the fabulous land of the Maharadjahs.

No, not me. I'm married, I'm the father of three.

I'm not a coward, but what can one do against someone who has you hypnotized?

We should go back to the table. Two nice girls waiting for us, helpless.

When you think about it.

- Why don't you go, with your charm. - No, you go. You have more authority.

I've heard that somewhere, before.

I see a beautiful young lady whose name is like... barbarian.

Yes, that's it! Barbara! Am I right?

I also see something yellow.

It's pretty, but very dangerous.

There's a man who wants this yellow thing. Beware...

- Who is Barbara? - I'm here!

Good luck, woman of the West!

I didn't understand a thing. But, that was marvelous.

You didn't understand?

The yellow thing, it's your money. I mean, your gold.

And Philippe is with you because he's after your money.

You're crazy. Philippe is a gentleman.

Besides, he didn't even try to...

Precisely! When a Frenchman doesn't try to sleep with an American woman...

...something fishy is going on. - Really?

Well, if you ask me...

You're loaded, and he's not trying to sleep with you. What do you think is normal?

Thanks for telling me, Sophie. I know what I must do now.

- Wait, let me explain. - I don't want to hear it. It's over!

But, I swear that...

The pie was not enough for you!

I thought you were little idiot. I was wrong, you're a little bitch.

I don't care what you think now.

Luckily for me, there are guys in this world who are not like you.

There are men who are sweet, unselfish and willing to help.

- Alain, for example? - Exactly.

Alain wouldn't hang around a woman for her money.

Okay, but if I were you, I wouldn't be that naive.

What are you trying to say?

Alain has been lying to you since the beginning.

I saw him at the studio yesterday and again today at the bobsleds.

He's the one who told me to pretend to be jealous.

The only thing that matters to him is to do anything so he can sleep with you.

You don't believe this phony, do you?

- Is it true, or not? - Let me explain...

Don't you dare touch me!

I think you're really going to make me break your neck.

- Forget it! It's a mess. - No kidding!

We're both in the same boat.

We have to act. And quickly.

The only difference is that I love Sophie, whereas you don't care for Barbara.

You have other American and French girls.

Is that what you think?

You're wrong. I love her, whether she's rich or poor.

- So, it's another story... - Yes... whisky?

Make it double.

Both of them.

- We have to show them who we are. - That's right!

The strong way always prevails.

Cheers!

Love for us...

...or death for them!

It's a deal.

- You know what you are, buddy? - No.

You're a great guy.

No, buddy. I know women, that's all.

Sure, you know them. But you're still a great guy.

- Which room are you, 104 or 106? - Not too sure, right now.

Let's try 106!

- Have a good night. - Hold on, I'm coming with you.

There you go, brother, 112. Good luck!

And to you, brother!

They're going to see what stuff we're made of, those two!

So, she doesn't want to be disturbed.

Open the door, now! Let's get to it!

Open the door, or I break it down!

The gentle little Alain is no more!

Oh, sorry.

- What is it?! - It's Alain.

Did you say: "Lets get to it"?

Alain Varnier.

Ah it's Alain, and you're gonna tell me you've never seen him before?

That this is the first time, in your bed?

Absolutely!

You'll see what I'm going to do to you.

She's got some strength, Barbara!

- There must have been a mistake. - So, yours is 102. No, 106!

Mine is 112... No, it's 12A!

- So, let's go! - Let's go to war!

So, that's what you want!

Yes, that's the way it is!

- You're going to see who I am! - Wait till you see who I am!

- You said that I was after your money? - Yes.

- And you really believe that? - Yes.

- Let me tell you something... - Let me tell you something...

- I couldn't care less for your dough! - I've had enough of your scheming.

- It's too late now! - I knew it! Leave, now!

- I'm not finished, yet! - Don't you dare touch me.

- How much is this necklace worth? - Three million.

And, that's what I do with it. Dior... Chanel... Balmain...

Put that globe down.

Come down.

Come close.

Closer.

You said I only wanted to take advantage of the situation?

That is true.

- And that's what you really believe? - Yes.

Then, I won't disappoint you. Get undressed...

- Why... - You'll see.

You're not gonna shoot.

Here you are.

- The rest, too. - Everything?

Everything.

Turn around.

Turn around!

- Hands up! - I prefer to die!

You really want to?

You have a mother?

Yes.

She's alive?

Yes.

Swear on her life that you'll do everything I say.

Swear or die!

I swear.

Come here.

Closer.

Here.

Put your arms around me.

Repeat..."Alain, I love you."

Alain, I love you.

No, better than that.

Alain, I love you.

You can do better.

I love you.

Kiss me.

Now, I can tell you. I never would have killed you.

I took the cartridges out, when you were putting your shoes on.

- It's called abuse of power. - Yes.

All's well that ends well!

The echo!

No, my love. It's an avalanche.

Help!

Mommy!

It was loaded, then?

So, yesterday, you would have killed me, if I had resisted you...

And you would have gone to jail. You must really love me, then!

Will you forgive me?

No photographers!