Original subtitles

>> I WOKE UP, I DIDN´T KNOW

WHERE I WAS.

DIDN´T KNOW WHO I WAS.

COULDN´T BELIEVE I´D SLEPT

THROUGH MOST OF MY LIFE.

I´D BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR 22

YEARS. SINCE 1989. I WAS 18.

>> AND THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED

AT A CONSTRUCTION SITE,

IS THAT RIGHT?

>> YES, IT WAS A SUMMER JOB.

I WAS INSTALLING A CHURCH

STEEPLE. A CRANE COLLAPSED.

I DON´T EVEN REMEMBER IT HITTING

ME. ONE SECOND, IT WAS

A BEAUTIFUL DAY, THE NEXT,

PHHTT--LIGHTS OUT.

>> AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IT THAT

BROUGHT YOU HERE? WHAT DON´T YOU

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?

>> JESUS, MAN, LOOK AT ME.

I´M ANCIENT!

EVEN THOUGH MY BODY WAS ALIVE

FOR 40 YEARS, I WAS ONLY AWAKE

FOR 18.

>> AND YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE

AN 18 YEAR OLD AGAIN?

>> I AM AN 18 YEAR OLD!

I HAD PLANS BEFORE I WENT IN

THE COMA. I WAS GONNA GO TO

COLLEGE. I WAS GONNA MEET

A GIRL, HAVE A FAMILY.

HAVE A CAREER.

>> MR. KENNY...

>> SEE, THAT´S--

I´M A MISTER. I´M A MISTER NOW.

[SIGHS]

I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I SEE

THIS OLD MAN LOOKING BACK AT ME.

AND I´M LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU?

WHO PUT ME IN YOUR BODY?"

I NEED YOU TO MAKE THE OUTSIDE

MATCH THE INSIDE. YOU CAN GIVE

ME A CHANCE TO LIVE ALL THOSE

YEARS THAT I LOST FOR THE FIRST

TIME, FULLY AWAKE.

YOU CAN GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE.

>> ♫ AHH,

MAKE ME

BEAUTIFUL ♫

♫ MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE ♫

[WATER RUNNING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[TV PLAYING]

>> ♫ NOW MY LIFE WEARS OUT,

AND I WONDER [INDISTINCT]

LOOK LIKE THIS,

THERE´S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR ♫

[SONG CONTINUES]

[TV PLAYING]

>> WHY AREN´T YOU GETTING READY?

>> READY? FOR WHAT?

>> I HAVE A MEET AND GREET

AT THE PACIFIC DESIGN CENTER

TONIGHT. I TOLD YOU THIS

A WEEK AGO, YOU DON´T REMEMBER?

[SIGHS]

CHRISTIAN, THIS IS REALLY

IMPORTANT. I NEED TO MAKE

CONTACTS TONIGHT, AND I HAD ALL

OF THESE BUSINESS CARDS MADE.

>> "OVER 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE."

IN WHAT?

>> WELL, I HAD A LIFE BEFORE

YOU AND I MET.

I DESIGNED ALL MY OWN

MOVIE SETS.

>> OH. [CHUCKLES] OK.

>> WELL, YOU HAVEN´T EXACTLY

THANKED ME FOR WHAT I´VE DONE

HERE.

>> CAN´T IMAGINE HOW THAT

SLIPPED MY MIND.

>> LOOK, I KNOW IT TAKES

A LITTLE BIT OF GETTING USED TO,

BUT IN THE OVERCROWDED MARKETS

IN L.A., YOU NEED TO MAKE

BOLD STYLE CHOICES.

AND SPEAKING OF STYLE, COULD YOU

PLEASE GET UP OFF THE COUCH

AND GO GET DRESSED?

[TURNS ON TV]

>> THIS IS THE THIRD TIME

YOU TRIED TO DRAG ME OUT THIS

WEEK, ALL RIGHT? I DIDN´T GET

MARRIED SO THAT YOU COULD GET ME

IN A SUIT AND HAVE ME RUB ELBOWS

WITH THE GREAT UNWASHED.

[TURNS OFF TV]

>> ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, I GOT THE HOUSE, THE JOB,

THE BEAUTIFUL WIFE. JUST LET ME

RELAX AND ENJOY MY LIFE.

[TURNS ON TV]

[PUTS REMOTE CONTROL ON TABLE]

>> OK.

>> AWESOME BALLGAME LAST NIGHT.

YOU GET TO CATCH IT?

>> IS THAT YOU?

>> HUH?

>> YOU STINK.

AND YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

>> THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO

GET READY THIS MORNING?

3 MINUTES. GOT TO CATCH

SPORTSCENTER FOR THE FIRST TIME

IN MONTHS, DIDN´T CUT MYSELF

SHAVING, DIDN´T HAVE TO SWING BY

THE DRY CLEANERS ON MY WAY

TO THE OFFICE.

>> YEAH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE.

>> I AM DONE GETTING UP AT 6:00

EVERY DAY, GETTING READY FOR

WORK. SHOWER, SHAVE, DO THE

HAIR, PRESS THE SUIT.

ALL THAT BULLSHIT´S HARD ON

A MAN. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING

AT THAT THING, BY THE WAY?

>> TRYING TO FIND A BED.

ONLY HAVE A MATTRESS ON

THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW.

>> A MAN OVER THIRTY SHOULD

NEVER BUY ANYTHING THAT HE HAS

TO PUT TOGETHER, PARTICULARLY

FROM THE SWEDES.

>> MM-HMM.

JULIA USED TO BUY OUR FURNITURE.

NEVER REALLY HAD TO DO THIS

BEFORE. NEVER HAD MY OWN PLACE

UNTIL NOW.

>> HA, CALL MY WIFE.

SHE APPARENTLY IS AN INTERIOR

DESIGNER NOW.

>> KIMBER?

>> MATTER OF FACT...

YOU´D BE DOING ME A HUGE FAVOR.

SHE´S BEING A REAL PAIN IN

THE ASS.

DO YOU MIND GIVING HER A BUZZ?

HUH?

>> EXCUSE ME. I´VE BEEN

WAITING FOR A HALF HOUR.

SHOULD I RESCHEDULE?

>> I TOLD YOU ALREADY, WE´LL BE

WITH YOU AS SOON AS WE CAN.

>> HI.

>> HI.

>> SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING,

MRS., UM--

>> BANKS.

>> BANKS.

>> WILLOW BANKS.

>> WILLOW BANKS. WOW.

BEAUTIFUL. DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU A MODEL?

>> I WAS.

>> GREAT.

>> I´D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

FOR THE RECEPTIONIST. SHE CAN

BE A REAL BITCH SOMETIMES.

>> DR. TROY--

>> DO IT AGAIN, YOU´RE FIRED.

OK? [MURMURING]

SHALL WE?

>> YEAH.

PLEASE DON´T FIRE HER ON MY

ACCOUNT. WOMEN ALWAYS SEEM

TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT.

>> MAYBE I´LL GIVE HER A RAISE.

[CHUCKLES]

AHH.

>> MAYBE I SHOULD BANG

THE SHIT OUT OF YOU RIGHT HERE

ON THIS DESK.

DR. TROY?

DR. TROY? EXCUSE ME?

>> YES. SO...

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU,

MS. BANKS? I´D ASK YOU WHAT YOU

DON´T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF,

BUT YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

[CHUCKLES]

>> WELL, THAT´S EXACTLY

THE PROBLEM.

>> RIGHT.

>> I´M TIRED OF ALL

THE ATTENTION I GET BECAUSE

OF THE WAY I LOOK. I´M TIRED

OF EVERY GUY I MEET EITHER BEING

TOO INTIMIDATED TO TALK TO ME,

OR THINK THAT HE CAN JUST STROLL

UP AND ASK ME OUT.

>> HMM.

>> I CAN´T TELL YOU HOW MANY

TIMES A GUY HAS TRIED SOME

CHEESY PICK-UP LINE OR HOWLED

LIKE A DOG AS I WALK BY. I MEAN,

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST

A LITTLE CONVERSATION BEFORE

TELLING ME THAT YOU´RE

ENVISIONING ME NAKED?

>> [SIGHS]

>> AND I´M TIRED OF NOT HAVING

ANY GIRLFRIENDS BECAUSE THEY

THINK I MAKE THEM LOOK BAD.

I JUST...I CAN´T BE PERFECT

ANYMORE.

I WANT TO BE UNPERFECT.

>> UNPERFECT?

>> MM-HMM. YEAH.

>> [CHUCKLES]

WELL, THAT´S THE STUPIDEST THING

I EVER HEARD.

[LAUGHS]

PEOPLE COME IN HERE EVERY DAY

ASKING FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.

THEY WANT YOUR FACE.

>> WELL, I DON´T. NOT ANY

LONGER. IT´S JUST TOO MUCH

PRESSURE, DR. TROY. I FEEL LIKE

I´M ONSTAGE ALL THE TIME.

I EVEN QUIT MODELING, AND THAT

HASN´T HELPED. LOOK, FOR ONCE IN

MY LIFE, I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE

TO WALK DOWN THE STREET

AND BE IGNORED.

I WANT TO BE NORMAL LOOKING.

I WANT TO BE AVERAGE.

>> WHAT ABOUT PUTTING ON

A COUPLE OF POUNDS? YOU KNOW,

A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER,

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> I DON´T EAT RED MEAT.

>> ICE CREAM.

>> I´M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

>> JESUS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I´M TALKING ABOUT.

JUST TAKE WORSE CARE OF

YOURSELF. LIKE SOME NUTS?

>> NO, THANKS.

>> COME ON, YOU MIGHT ENJOY IT.

>> LOOK, I SAID I WANTED TO BE

UNBEAUTIFUL, NOT UNHEALTHY.

>> OK.

>> AND I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE

SUPERFICIAL CHANGES. I´M NOT

WEARING ANY MAKE-UP, I HAVEN´T

WASHED MY HAIR IN LIKE A WEEK.

I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT I´M

WEARING, FOR CHRIST SAKES.

AND STILL, YOUR PARKING VALET

GAVE ME HIS PHONE NUMBER.

>> WELL, YOU´LL JUST HAVE TO TRY

A LITTLE HARDER, BECAUSE LOOKING

THE WAY YOU LOOK, I WOULD NEVER

TOUCH YOU WITH A SCALPEL.

AND GOOD LUCK FINDING A DOCTOR

WHO WOULD.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> PHEW.

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> OH, HELLO. HEH. DO YOU WANT

ME TO COME BACK?

>> NO, NO, NO. COME IN, COME IN.

>> YOU SURE? OK.

>> I JUST GOT A LITTLE CARRIED

AWAY.

>> WORKING OUT?

>> YEAH. IT´S KIND OF A METAPHOR

FOR MY LIFE THESE DAYS.

YOU WANT SOME WATER?

>> OH, NO, THANKS. I´M GOOD.

>> I JUST KEEP RUNNING

AND RUNNING WITHOUT A CLUE

WHERE I´M GOING.

>> WELL, AT LEAST YOU CARE ABOUT

YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR BODY.

CHRISTIAN´S AT HOME LAYING

ON THE COUCH DRINKING BEER

LIKE A FAT SLOB. SEEMS HE´S

GIVEN UP.

>> WELL, MAYBE THAT´S HIS WAY OF

SAYING HE´S HAPPY.

>> OR MAYBE IT´S HIS WAY OF

TELLING ME HE DOESN´T CARE

WHAT I THINK.

AH.

>> WELL, HE IS PROUD OF YOU,

KIMBER.

>> I SUPPOSE.

WELL, OK. I HOPE YOU LIKE

WHAT I PUT TOGETHER.

DO YOU MIND?

>> NO, NO. YEAH, YEAH.

>> FIRST ONE.

>> OH. NOW, SEE, THIS IS

A LITTLE MORE CHRISTIAN THAN ME,

DON´T YOU THINK?

>> ALL RIGHT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOUR TASTES?

LIKE, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE

SEAN McNAMARA?

>> [CHUCKLES] WELL, HOW WOULD

I KNOW? I´M JUST A DOCTOR.

>> WELL, YOU´RE MORE THAN THAT.

WHAT ABOUT LIKE AN ARTSY,

INTELLECTUAL, MID-CENTURY TYPE

OF GUY?

>> HMM.

>> HMM?

OR YOU COULD DO KIND OF A HOMEY,

KICK-BACK, COUNTRY FRENCH LOOK?

>> LOOK, DO I NEED TO GO TO

THERAPY JUST TO GET SOME

FURNITURE FOR THIS PLACE?

THAT´S WHY I HIRED YOU.

>> NO, IT´S JUST, IN DESIGN

SCHOOL, THEY REALLY EMPHASIZE ON

LISTENING TO THE CLIENT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE YOUR LIKES,

DISLIKES, COLORS.

>> YEAH, WELL, THIS PARTICULAR

CLIENT HAS NO SELF, IT SEEMS.

HE´S ARRIVED IN HIS 45th YEAR

WITH NO OPINIONS OR TASTE OF HIS

OWN. HE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN

EVERYONE ELSE´S SHADOW.

KIMBER, JUST DO YOUR THING.

YOU KNOW, WHATEVER YOU THINK.

LET YOUR IMAGINATION GO,

YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION.

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> OK. WELL, I THINK I CAN DO

SOMETHING IN HERE.

THANK YOU.

I PROMISE YOU, I´M GOING TO BLOW

YOU AWAY WITH THIS PLACE, OK?

>> I HAVE TOTAL FAITH IN YOU.

>> THANKS.

I´LL SEE YOU LATER.

>> OK.

>> BYE.

>> BYE.

>> [CHUCKLES] SEE YA.

>> SEE YA.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MONITOR BEEPING]

>> IT REALLY IS A MIRACLE.

>> OH, ABSOLUTELY. 99% OF COMAS

THAT LAST MORE THAN THREE YEARS

ARE PERMANENT.

>> NO, I MEAN BECAUSE HE CAN

STEAL $40,000 FROM US JUST LYING

ON THIS TABLE.

IT´S--IT´S MIRACULOUS.

>> THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL

PRO-BONO CASE.

THE WEAR AND TEAR ON HIS FACE

IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE NORM

BECAUSE OF HIS PRONE POSITION.

>> OK, WE´RE DOING

A RHYTIDECTOMY WITH AN S.M.A.S.

PLICATION.

>> YOU´RE RIGHT.

WE CAN NOW CORNER THE MARKET

ON RIP VAN WINKLES.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

MADE UP A LOT OF NEW EXPENSES.

YOU KNOW, I´M JUST TRYING TO BE

RESPONSIBLE.

>> AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE,

I´M NOT COMPROMISING ON WORK

I FIND INTERESTING AND REWARDING

SO YOU CAN HAVE NEW TOYS.

I DON´T KNOW WHY YOU´RE WORRIED

ABOUT MONEY. I JUST GOT KIMBER´S

FIRST BILL.

>> WELL, UNLIKE MR. KENNY,

YOU´RE NOT A CHARITY CASE, OK?

DID YOU THINK SHE WAS GOING

TO WORK FOR FREE?

>> THERE´S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

PRO-BONO AND BLEEDING ME DRY.

I´M HER FIRST CLIENT, AND I ONLY

HIRED HER AS A FAVOR TO YOU.

>> YOU KNOW, IF I HAD HAVE KNOWN

YOU´D BE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS,

I NEVER WOULD HAVE SUGGESTED IT

IN THE FIRST PLACE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON´T YOU JUST LEAVE?

>> HUH?

>> I´D LIKE TO FINISH THIS

ON MY OWN.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> I´M TIRED OF THE WITTY BANTER

AND THE BACK AND FORTH AND YOU

TELLING ME ALL THE WAYS I´M

MAKING YOUR LIFE MORE DIFFICULT.

IF YOU DON´T MIND, I´D LIKE TO

SPEND SOME TIME FOCUSING ON

MY WORK.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> YES.

>> JESUS!

>> WAIT A SECOND, DON´T PUSH IT.

IT´S GONNA GET DIRTY.

>> DON´T TELL ME YOU´RE REDOING

THE LIVING ROOM AGAIN.

>> NO, NO, THIS IS FOR SEAN.

I HAVE TO GO THERE LATER

AND FINISH.

>> WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING

TO STAY HOME AND WATCH SOME

TELEVISION TOGETHER.

>> HONEY, I TOLD YOU, I HAVE

A CLIENT DEADLINE.

>> [SCOFFS] CLIENT?

HE´S NOT A CLIENT, HE´S SEAN.

THE ONLY REASON HE GAVE YOU

THE JOB WAS BECAUSE I ASKED HIM

TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

>> WELL, THAT´S NOT WHAT

HE TOLD ME.

[SIGHS]

OK.

DAMN IT, I CAN´T FIND

THE SWATCHES.

CHRISTIAN, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO

RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME?

>> LOOK, I TOLD SEAN TO CALL YOU

BEFORE YOU GOT BOOKED UP,

THAT´S ALL, ALL RIGHT?

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS

WORRIED ABOUT, BY THE WAY.

I MEAN, YOU WORKING AGAIN WAS

SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY,

NOT MISERABLE. NOW YOU FEEL

MISERABLE AND I FEEL MISERABLE,

AND...

IT´S NOT GOOD.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME

TOGETHER OR SOMETHING.

>> [SCOFFS]

AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO SPEND

TIME TOGETHER WITH THAT GIANT

GUT OF YOURS IN BETWEEN US?

>> WHAT?

I HAVE A GUT?

>> AND THAT STUBBLE YOU´VE GOT

GOING ON? YOU THINK I LIKE THAT

RUBBING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS?

>> I THOUGHT

YOU LIKED THE BEARD.

>> I´M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR

BEARD, CHRISTIAN. I´M TALKING

ABOUT YOUR BALLS. YOU USED TO

SHAVE THEM FOR ME.

NOW I´M LUCKY IF YOU EVEN RUN

A COMB THROUGH YOUR HAIR

BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE.

THIS WHOLE NEW CHRISTIAN LOOK

ISN´T EXACTLY WORKING FOR ME.

SO MAYBE IF YOU COULD REDISCOVER

A BRUSH, OR, I DON´T KNOW, MAYBE

A RAZOR...

UNTIL THEN, YOU´RE NOT DOING ME

EITHER, OK?

OH, DON´T WAIT UP FOR ME,

´CAUSE I´M GONNA BE LATE.

>> YOU LOOK GOOD.

>> HEY. AH.

SORRY. I, UH--LINDA GAVE ME

THIS, AND...I USED TO THINK

THE WALKMAN WAS COOL.

>> [CHUCKLES] HAVE A SEAT.

I WANT A LAST LITTLE LOOK,

SEND YOU ON YOUR WAY

WITH A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH.

>> MY MOM STARTED CRYING WHEN

SHE LOOKED AT ME. SHE SAID

LOOKING AT ME MADE HER FEEL

20 YEARS YOUNGER.

>> WELL, I DON´T KNOW ABOUT 20.

BUT WE DEFINITELY CHOPPED OFF

AT LEAST 10.

SO, WHAT´S NEXT ON YOUR AGENDA?

>> IT´S ALL PRETTY WEIRD.

ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE GROWN

AND HAVE FAMILIES AND CAREERS,

AND A LOT OF THEM HAVE MOVED

AWAY. SO I REALLY WANT TO MEET

SOMEONE MY OWN AGE.

EARLY TWENTIES, MAYBE. I DON´T

WANT TO AIM TOO HIGH. BUT

I FIGURED I´D GO TO THE CLUBS

AND SEE IF I WAS ANY BETTER

OF A DANCER THAN I USED TO BE.

>> ANY SUGGESTIONS?

>> NO, NOT REALLY.

I TRAVEL IN A SLIGHTLY OLDER

CIRCLE.

>> OH.

>> BEST OF LUCK, THOUGH.

>> THANK YOU.

I FEEL LIKE A FREAK.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GIRLS LIKE

TODAY. YOU KNOW, TEXTING,

CELL PHONES, GOOGLE.

IT´S ALL PRETTY...

NERVE WRACKING.

>> WELL, IT´S KIND OF LIKE

RIDING A BIKE. I´M SURE YOU´LL

BE FINE.

>> EXCEPT I´VE NEVER RIDDEN

A BIKE. SO TO SPEAK.

>> SO YOU´RE...

>> YEAH. A 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.

OH. COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

COULD HAVE DIED ONE.

>> I KNOW A PLACE THAT YOU MIGHT

LIKE. THEY EVEN LET OLD GUYS

LIKE ME IN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> OH. HI.

>> HI.

>> UM, DID YOU COME FIND ME TO

TELL ME THAT YOU CHANGED YOUR

MIND ABOUT MY SURGERY, OR...

>> NO, ACTUALLY, I CAME TO

CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT

THE SURGERY.

>> THAT WON´T HAPPEN.

I ALREADY HAVE TWO MORE

APPOINTMENTS WITH PLASTIC

SURGEONS NEXT WEEK, DR. TROY.

SO--

>> YOU CAN CALL ME CHRISTIAN.

>> HMM.

>> I´M NOT HERE AS YOUR DOCTOR.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU DO LIKE WINE, DON´T YOU?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH? WELL, THIS IS, UH,

REALLY NICE. GOES PERFECTLY

WITH THE COLONEL´S SPECIAL

RECIPE.

>> I´VE ALREADY EATEN,

BUT THANK YOU.

>> OH, OK. WELL,

THAT´S MORE FOR ME.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> HUH?

>> YOU KNOW, IT´S SATURDAY

NIGHT. HOW DO YOU KNOW

I´M NOT GOING OUT?

>> YOU DON´T LIKE AGGRESSIVE

MEN, AND THERE´S MORE AGGRESSIVE

AND DRUNK MEN OUT ON A SATURDAY

NIGHT THAN ANY OTHER NIGHT

OF THE WEEK. SO WHY DON´T YOU DO

US BOTH A FAVOR, JUST QUIT YOUR

YAPPIN´, GRAB A COUPLE

OF GLASSES AND A CORKSCREW,

AND COME SIT YOUR LITTLE ASS

DOWN ON THE COUCH.

>> SEEMS LIKE I DON´T HAVE TO GO

OUT TO FIND AN AGGRESSIVE MAN.

>> OK. COME TO PAPA.

HA HA HA.

AH.

>> AHH.

>> I DON´T THINK I´VE HAD FRIED

CHICKEN SINCE I WAS IN, LIKE,

HIGH SCHOOL.

BUT AT LEAST YOU´RE REMOVING

THE SKIN. THAT´S WHERE

ALL THE FAT IS.

>> THAT´S WHERE ALL THE TASTE

IS. AHH.

OK.

MMM.

>> UGH.

>> MMM.

MMM.

WOW. OH.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON´T WANT TO

TRY SOME OF THIS?

>> YEAH, NO.

>> MMM. MMM.

>> OK. GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE.

>> MM-HMM.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

>> ♫ ONE THING THAT I

JUST CAN´T SEE

IS HOW TO TOUCH A GIRL ♫

>> THE MUSIC´S PRETTY COOL.

WHAT IS THIS?

>> TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I THINK THE LAST TIME I BOUGHT

A CD, YOU WERE STILL AWAKE.

I´M MOSTLY INTO POP MUSIC

FROM THE LATE EIGHTIES.

YOU KNOW, PHIL COLLINS,

RICHARD MARX. THERE WAS

AN INNOCENCE TO IT.

>> IT SUCKED.

THE GIRLS DRESS A LOT BETTER

NOW, THOUGH.

>> YEAH.

YOU WOKE UP AT JUST THE RIGHT

TIME. THIS IS THE SLUT

GENERATION. MOST OF THESE GIRLS,

THEIR ROLE MODELS ARE FAMOUS FOR

HAVING SEX TAPES.

MY PARTNER´S REALLY THE EXPERT

IN THESE PLACES.

>> WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO NOW?

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

>> HI. I´M DR. SEAN McNAMARA.

I´M A PLASTIC SURGEON.

>> ARE YOU GUYS NARCS?

>> WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

>> NOW WE GET DRUNK.

TEQUILA. BEST YOU HAVE.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

>> MMM.

>> TOMORROW, I´M INTRODUCING YOU

TO A TRIPLE STUFT BURRITO

WITH SOUR CREAM.

>> I THINK WE SHOULD BUY

A KFC FRANCHISE TOGETHER.

>> MMM.

>> SETTLE DOWN SOMEWHERE

LIKE...FRESNO. AND NEVER BE

HEARD FROM AGAIN.

>> [CHUCKLES]

SOUNDS GOOD.

FAT AND HAPPY EVER AFTER.

>> FAT AND HAPPY. AND UGLY.

>> MMM.

>> UH, WAIT A SECOND.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

>> OHH.

[TRAIN WHISTLE IN DISTANCE]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WATER RUNNING]

>> YOU BETTER NOT BE PUKING YOUR

GUTS OUT IN THERE.

YOU DON´T HAVE ANYTHING SWEET,

DO YOU?

[WATER STOPS RUNNING]

[CLATTERING]

>> SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> HMM?

HOLY SHIT.

>> YEAH. I CAN´T BELIEVE

I DID IT. BUT I DID IT.

IT WORKED.

I´M UGLY, RIGHT?

>> YOU´RE, UM, IMPULSIVE.

WHICH IS VERY HOT.

AHH.

>> THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!

>> HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> ♫ LAUNCH ME INTO SPACE,

LAUNCH ME INTO SPACE ♫

>> HEY.

I GOTTA--I GOTTA GET OUT OF

HERE. YOU STAY, I´M GONNA GO.

[VOCALIZING]

>> WHAT THE HELL...

[DOOR OPENS]

>> OH, HEY.

>> OH, I DIDN´T KNOW

YOU´D STILL BE HERE.

>> OH, WELL, IT TOOK A LOT

LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS

GOING TO. ACTUALLY, THE MOVERS

JUST LEFT.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, YOU HATE IT.

OH.

>> THIS IS HOW YOU SEE ME?

>> WELL, OLD-FASHIONED GENTLEMAN

WITH A HINT OF OLD-WORLD

GLAMOUR, YEAH.

>> OLD-FASHIONED. OLD WORLD.

OLD PRETTY MUCH SAYS IT, RIGHT?

>> SEAN...

THINK OF CLARK GABLE.

OR RUDOLPH VALENTINO.

IF THOSE GUYS HAD A BACHELOR

PAD, THEY´D TOTALLY DECORATE IT

LIKE THIS.

>> [SIGHS]

>> ALL RIGHT, YOU HATE IT.

I´M SORRY IF IT´S NOT WHAT YOU

WANTED. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE

YOU FEEL SPECIAL.

>> KIMBER...

SO CAUGHT UP IN MYSELF,

I WASN´T THINKING.

YOU KNOW, NOW THAT I´M REALLY

LOOKING AT IT, IT IS PRETTY

GREAT.

YOU GOT ME, OR SOMEBODY

I´D LIKE TO BE.

>> YEAH, NOW YOU´RE JUST

SAYING THAT.

>> NO, NO, NO. HEY. IT´S

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM

ANYTHING I COULD HAVE IMAGINED.

BUT STRANGELY...RIGHT.

I THINK I´LL LIKE COMING HOME

TO THIS.

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> OH, THAT´S GREAT.

OH, SEAN, THANK YOU.

OHH.

MY GOD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW

HARD I HAVE WORKED ON THIS.

>> WELL, YOU ARE TALENTED,

KIMBER.

>> WELL, TELL THAT TO CHRISTIAN.

HE HATES HOW I REDID

THE HOUSE. OUR HOUSE, WHATEVER.

>> WELL, HE CAN BE TOUGH.

>> I´M TERRIFIED OF MAKING

MISTAKES, RIGHT? LIKE,

I COMPLETELY LOSE MY INSTINCTS.

I DON´T KNOW WHO HE IS.

I DON´T KNOW WHO I AM, OR...

US AS A COUPLE. IT´S JUST SO

FRUSTRATING. BUT THANKS FOR

BEING SWEET AND MAKING ME FEEL

CONFIDENT.

>> DOESN´T TAKE MUCH.

A LITTLE SUNSHINE, A LITTLE

WATERING. LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

>> WELL...

UM, YOU KNOW, I DID THE LIBRARY

BACK THERE, AND IT HAS THIS

BEAUTIFUL, DARK CARVED WOOD...

>> SHOW ME THE BEDROOM FIRST.

MMM.

>> MMM.

>> I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU THAT

WE CAN´T DO THIS AGAIN!

>> OH, YEAH, WE CAN´T DO THIS

ANYMORE, YOU´RE RIGHT.

>> I MEAN, LIKE, WE´RE BAD.

LIKE, THIS IS REALLY BAD.

>> I KNOW.

THE WORST. HOW COME I DON´T

FEEL GUILTY?

>> OOH!

OH!

OH!

[CLATTERING]

IS THAT HIM? IS THAT CHRISTIAN?

>> YEAH. WE´RE ONLY SEPARATED

BY THIS WALL.

>> OH, I LIKE IT.

OH!

[BOTH MOANING]

>> NOT EVEN FAST FOOD?

YOU GOTTA EAT.

>> WHY DO YOU NEED TO GO TO

[INDISTINCT]?

>> I´LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.

>> A FLASH?

>> MM-HMM.

COME ON. BIG OLD BURRITO

SMOTHERED IN GUACAMOLE

AND SOUR CREAM.

>> OK. PULL THE CAR OUT FRONT.

MEET YOU DOWNSTAIRS.

AHH.

[KIMBER AND SEAN GIGGLING]

>> SEAN, WHO THE HELL YOU

BANGING IN THERE?

>> OH, JUST YOUR WIFE,

SWEETHEART.

>> HEY, WHAT´S UP?

>> WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> WELL, SHE´S DOING SUCH A GOOD

JOB ON THE APARTMENT, I WANTED

TO ASK HER ADVICE ON A NEW DESK.

TIRED OF GLASS.

I WANT TO WARM IT UP IN HERE.

>> WHY WAS IT LOCKED?

>> UM, OH, I HAD JUST MENTIONED

TO SEAN ABOUT THE NEW BRUSH

NICKEL DOOR HARDWARE, AND SO

I MUST HAVE JUST, YOU KNOW,

HIT THE BUTTON.

>> BRUSH NICKEL?

>> HMM.

>> LOOK, NO CHANGES

WITHOUT ME, OK?

I GOTTA GO TAKE CARE OF

SOMETHING I FORGOT TO TAKE CARE

OF BEFORE. AND IF I´M NOT BACK

IN TIME, JUST START SURGERY

WITHOUT ME, OK?

AHEM.

>> NO CHANGES WITHOUT MY OK?

WHAT KIND OF EGO TRIP IS HE ON?

>> WELL, IT´S ALWAYS GOTTA BE

THE CHRISTIAN TROY SHOW,

EVEN MY OFFICE. YOU WERE VERY

COOL, MY DEAR.

>> MMM, WELL, IT´S ALL MY YEARS

OF ACTING.

>> YES.

MMM.

>> OK, SO, SEAN, UM,

I´LL GET YOU SOME TEAR SHEETS

ON THE WOOD DESKS.

>> FOR THIS STUFF,

YOU NEED TO BYOB.

>> I DON´T DRINK BEER, REMEMBER.

>> I MEAN BRING YOUR OWN BEANO.

EATING LIKE A PIG IS ONE THING.

SMELLING LIKE THEM IS ANOTHER,

OK? STINKY WOMEN ARE

A REAL TURN OFF.

>> I´LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.

>> AH.

ALL RIGHT. WE GOT EVERYTHING.

>> WHEN DO YOU HAVE TO BE BACK

AT WORK?

>> WHENEVER. IT´S NOT LIKE MY

PARTNER HAS ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO.

>> THEN LET´S HIT A MATINEE.

WE´LL WASTE THE WHOLE AFTERNOON.

YOU KNOW, A MOVIE THEATER

IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN REALLY

RELAX.

>> BECAUSE YOU SIT IN THE DARK

AND NOBODY BOTHERS YOU, OR...

>> MAYBE.

MAYBE I JUST LIKE JUJU FRUITS.

>> [CHUCKLES]

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

>> [SPEAKING SPANISH]

... ALIEN NATION!

[LAUGHTER]

>> [SPEAKING SPANISH]

THAT´S RIGHT! AYE!

>> HEY, HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT,

BUDDY BOY.

>> [SPEAKING SPANISH]

>> WHOA! [SPEAKING SPANISH]

>> GO! GO!

[TIRES SQUEALING]

>> YOU KNOW, UH,

YOU CAN SLOW DOWN NOW.

>> I CAN´T DO ANYTHING

TO CHANGE MYSELF.

I´M SO SICK OF THIS FACE.

>> JESUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING,

YOU CRAZY BITCH?!

IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF,

FINE, ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST LET ME

OUT OF THE CAR!

>> SORRY, CHRISTIAN.

IT´S THE ONLY THING LEFT

FOR ME TO DO!

>> PLEASE STOP THE CAR,

PLEASE STOP THE CAR!

JESUS, JESUS! STOP!

[CRASH]

>> THOSE GUYS AT THE E.R.

WERE AWESOME, BY THE WAY.

SHE´S LUCKY SHE´S ALIVE.

WHAT A CRAZY BITCH.

YOU´RE DRIVING ME BAT SHIT,

SEAN.

>> DON´T MOVE.

>> OH, JESUS. LIKE WAITING TO

GET A SHOT, THE ANTICIPATION

IS WORSE THAN THE ACTUAL NEEDLE.

JUST GO AHEAD AND SAY IT, ALL

RIGHT? I THINK WITH MY DICK.

I AM A DICK. OK, SAY IT.

>> IT´S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

>> SINCE WHEN IS ME SCREWING UP

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, HUH?

YOU THRIVE ON IT.

>> THAT SHOULD HEAL WITHOUT

A SCAR.

>> I KNOW YOU. YOU CAN PRETEND

YOU DON´T CARE.

BUT I KNOW YOU DO.

>> THAT MAY HAVE BEEN TRUE ONCE.

>> COME ON, YOU CAN´T TELL ME

YOU DON´T WANT TO KNOW

WHAT HAPPENED.

>> I THINK I´LL LEAVE THAT FOR

KIMBER TO ASK. SHE´S YOUR WIFE.

SHE´S THE ONE WHO MIGHT BE

CURIOUS.

>> SHE´S THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME

OUT OF THE GODDAMN DOOR.

>> AHEM.

>> SO TELL ME...

IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT ME

THAT YOU STILL LIKE?

>> I DON´T THINK SO.

>> YOU´RE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS

LITTLE PRICK, YOU KNOW THAT?

>> DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT

MAYBE IT´S YOU WHO NEEDS ME TO

BE ANGRY AT YOU?

>> QUITE FRANKLY, IT NEVER

OCCURRED TO ME.

>> GOOD, ´CAUSE I´M DONE

BEING A SUBSTITUTE

FOR YOUR CONSCIENCE.

I KNOW YOU CAN´T CHANGE.

>> PHHTT.

>> SO WE MET AT THE CLUB.

>> IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

BUT THEN WHEN HE TOLD ME HIS

STORY, OH, MY GOD, IMAGINE

HOW MUCH FUN IT WILL BE TO TEACH

HIM ALL ABOUT THE LAST 20 YEARS.

OBAMA AND BRITNEY. ALL THAT

STUFF.

>> WELL, I DON´T UNDERSTAND,

RUPERT. YOU DON´T NEED MY

CONSENT TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

>> OH, FIANCéE. WE´RE ENGAGED.

>> WELL, ENGAGED TO BE ENGAGED.

I WANT TO GET McKENZIE

BREAST IMPLANTS.

>> A DIAMOND IS MORE

TRADITIONAL.

>> MY RIGHT ONE´S A LITTLE

SMALLER, AND IT SORT OF HAS

THAT PANCAKE THING GOING ON.

>> IT´S BEEN A STRUGGLE

HER WHOLE LIFE.

>> RUPERT, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU

ALONE FOR A MOMENT?

>> SHE´S AWESOME, ISN´T SHE?

>> SHE´S USING YOU.

>> DUDE, YOU´RE WRONG.

WE´VE BEEN DOING IT NONSTOP

FOR LIKE TWO DAYS STRAIGHT.

>> YEAH, SEX IS NOT LOVE, OK?

IT´S USUALLY NOT EVEN

AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE.

SOMETIMES WOMEN AND MEN USE IT

FOR LESS THAN INNOCENT PURPOSES.

YOU´RE JUST A KID. YOU´VE BEEN

ASLEEP FOR 20 YEARS. YOU DON´T

UNDERSTAND HOW WOMEN WORK.

>> OH, YOU DO? I SAW YOUR MOVES

ON THE DANCE FLOOR,

IT WAS PRETTY MEDIOCRE.

>> I WAS MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS.

>> HOW´D THAT TURN OUT?

>> LOOK, I´VE SLEPT WITH PLENTY

OF WOMEN. THE GOOD ONES DON´T

ASK YOU TO BUY THEM NEW BREASTS

ON THE FIRST DATE.

>> WELL, LOOK, THANK YOU FOR

CARING, BUT I´M GOING TO DO

THIS. SO DO YOU WANT MY BUSINESS

OR WHAT?

>> OK. I´LL JUST GO GET

A COUPLE OF SAMPLES.

I ASSUME SHE WANTS Ds?

>> YEAH! HOW´D YOU KNOW THAT?

>> THEY ALWAYS WANT Ds.

>> SOMETHING´S WRONG WITH HIM!

I DIDN´T TOUCH HIM, I SWEAR.

I JUST WANTED NEW TITS,

I DIDN´T TOUCH HIM!

>> HE SLIPPED BACK INTO A COMA.

>> WELL, WHEN IS HE GOING

TO WAKE UP?

>> [DIALING]

>> OH, MY GOD! BABY,

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

YOUR FACE!

>> I´M FINE.

>> YOUR ARM...

>> I´M FINE. SERIOUSLY, I JUST--

A FEW SCRAPES, I WAS IN

AN ACCIDENT. I TRIED CALLING

YOU. YOU DIDN´T PICK UP

YOUR PHONE.

>> I WAS--I´M SORRY--

>> WHY DIDN´T YOU PICK UP

YOUR PHONE? YOU ALWAYS PICK UP

YOUR PHONE WHEN I CALL YOU.

>> I´M SORRY, I DON´T--

>> YOU IGNORING ME?

>> NO.

>> I GET IT.

I´VE BEEN SUCH AN ASSHOLE

LATELY. ESPECIALLY WITH THAT

THING WITH SEAN.

>> WHAT THING WITH SEAN?

>> [CHUCKLES]

HE´S YOUR FIRST REAL CLIENT,

AND I--

I SHOULD--

I SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOU,

AND I´M NOT, AND I´M SORRY.

>> OH, HONEY.

YOU DON´T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.

>> NO, I DO. I´M SORRY, OK?

>> WELL...

>> PLEASE.

>> UM, OK.

WHERE´S YOUR CAR? IS IT TOTALED?

>> NO, IT WASN´T MY CAR.

I WAS A PASSENGER IN SOMEBODY

ELSE´S CAR.

[EXHALES]

>> WELL, ARE THEY OK?

WHO WAS IT?

>> THEY´RE FINE. I MEAN,

I THINK, YOU KNOW. IT WAS

A CLIENT, WILLOW BANKS.

>> THE MODEL?

>> YEAH.

YEAH.

>> YOU WERE IN A CAR

WITH WILLOW BANKS DURING

THE DAY, AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED

TO BE AT WORK?

>> MM-HMM.

GOOD NEWS IS THAT I DIDN´T HAVE

ANY LUNCH, SO, HA.

I THINK I LOST ABOUT 5 POUNDS.

[EXHALES]

MAYBE I SHOULD GO TAKE A SHOWER.

>> MAYBE YOU SHOULD MAKE IT

A COLD ONE.

>> I GUESS IT WORKED

AFTER ALL, HUH?

I WANTED PEOPLE TO STOP LOOKING.

AND NOW AFTER THEY DO,

THEY TURN AWAY. JUST LIKE YOU

DID. WITH THEIR EYES FULL OF

PITY AND DISGUST. THEY STILL

DON´T SEE ME.

>> WELL, I GUESS GOING THROUGH

A WINDSHIELD AT 110 MILES

AN HOUR WAS THE ANSWER ALL

ALONG, HUH? WHO KNEW?

>> I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

PLEASE.

MY PARENTS SENT ME TO THIS

REALLY EXCLUSIVE ALL-GIRLS´ PREP

SCHOOL. THE RICH KIDS WOULD

ALWAYS DRESS LIKE THEY WERE

POOR. SLUMMIN´ IT.

IT WAS FUN FOR THEM YOU KNOW?

COOL TO REJECT THE VALUES YOU´D

GROWN UP WITH.

>> ARE YOU COMING TO A POINT

ANY TIME SOON?

>> WHEN YOU HAVE MONEY,

IT´S EASY TO ROMANTICIZE NOT

HAVING ANY.

AND WHEN YOU´RE BEAUTIFUL,

WELL, IT´S EASY WANTING TO GIVE

THAT UP, TOO.

THE ROMANCE OF UGLINESS...

ALL I WANTED WAS TO KNOW THAT

WHEN SOMEONE LOOKED AT ME,

THEY WERE ACTUALLY SEEING ME.

NOT SOME IMAGE THEY COULD PLACE

ON THEIR MANTELPIECE OR SHOW OFF

TO THEIR FRIENDS OR BRAG

ABOUT HAVING SCREWED.

>> YOU NEED TO GET HELP, WILLOW.

SERIOUS HELP. I TOLD YOU THAT,

I´M NOT THE ONE YOU SHOULD BE

COMING TO.

>> BUT YOU UNDERSTAND ME.

YOU´RE JUST LIKE ME!

>> BULLSHIT! I´M NOT TRYING

TO CARVE UP MY FACE OR ENDANGER

OTHER PEOPLE.

>> THEN WHY WERE YOU

WITH ME, HUH?

>> [SCOFFS]

>> YOU WANTED TO DESTROY

YOURSELF, TOO. IN YOUR OWN

LITTLE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAY.

´CAUSE YOU´RE PISSED.

YOU KNOW THAT ALL THE SUCCESS

YOU´VE EVER HAD WASN´T BECAUSE

OF WHAT YOU DID OR WHO YOU WERE.

IT´S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT

THE WAY YOU LOOK.

JUST MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL AGAIN.

FIX ME.

GIVE IT BACK TO ME.

I--I CAN´T LIVE

LOOKING LIKE THIS.

>> NO. YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME.

THERE´S NO DOCTOR ALIVE

WHO CAN MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL

AGAIN.

>> [CRYING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

>> WHERE´S MY TREADMILL?

>> I HAD IT MOVED TO THE MALIBU

HOUSE. YOUR APARTMENT´S TOO

SMALL FOR IT.

AND I WAS HOPING CHRISTIAN

MIGHT TAKE A HINT.

[TREADMILL BEEPS]

>> OH.

I GOTTA GET GOING.

>> NO, NO, NO, HEY,

JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP. COME ON.

>> OH. CHRISTIAN´S GOING

TO START TO WORRY.

>> NO, HE WON´T.

JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.

>> OK.

WILL YOU WAKE ME UP IN

15 MINUTES?

PROMISE ME YOU´RE NOT GOING TO

FALL ASLEEP.

>> DON´T WORRY, I´M WIDE AWAKE.

[TREADMILL RUNNING]

[BEEPING CONTINUES]