Original subtitles

MRS. FREUDLICH,

TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

IT'S BERGER.

I'M BLISS BERGER.

MRS. FREUDLICH'S AT, UH, 4:00, SEAN.

I'M SORRY, MY MISTAKE.

MISS BERGER,

TELL US WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

MY WINGS.

MAY WE SEE YOUR WINGS?

I CALL THIS THE WATTLE FROM HELL.

WHEN IT'S HOT,

I JUST MOVE IT BACK AND FORTH LIKE THIS,

AND IN 20 SECONDS MY CONDO'S COOLER

THAN AN ICE CREAM TRUCK. I SWEAR TO GOD.

AND THAT'S JUST MY ARM.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY BACK FAT?

YOUR POINT'S BEEN EFFECTIVELY MADE, MISS BERGER.

YOU CAN PUT YOUR JACKET ON IF YOU WISH.

THANK YOU.

YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY LOST A GREAT DEAL OF WEIGHT.

AHH...143 POUNDS AND COUNTING.

THE, UH--THE CORRECTIVE OPERATION YOU WANT

IS CALLED A BRACHIOPLASTY.

WE CAN PROBABLY DO THE ABDOMNIOPLASTY AT THE SAME TIME?

PUT IT ON THE BOOKS.

IF YOU GUYS ARE AS GOOD AS I'VE HEARD,

I'LL BE SWINGING MY TUCKED TUCKUS

DOWN THE AISLE IN VERA WANG.

HEH HEH. IS THERE A DATE?

BECAUSE THERE WILL BE A HEALING PERIOD,

ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE TALKING SLEEVELESS.

NO DATE YET.

UM, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I MET MY SOUL MATE ON JDATE.COM.

LOOK.

THIS IS MY ISAAC.

IS HE NOT TO DIE?

NOT ONLY IS HE GOOD-LOOKING

AND JEWISH, HE'S A DOCTOR.

WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR 6 MONTHS NOW...

OVER THE PHONE.

HE HASN'T SEEN YOU YET?

NO, OF COURSE HE HAS. I SENT HIM A PICTURE...

THAT'S 10 YEARS OLD.

I COULD NOT LET HIM SEE ME TIPPING THE SCALES

AT 260, YOU KNOW. HE'D REJECT ME.

HE IS VERY INTO PHYSICAL FITNESS.

ISAAC DOES PILATES.

AND NOW HE'S PUSHING FOR A MEETING?

HAS BEEN FOR 3 MONTHS NOW,

SO I GOT MOTIVATED

AND LOST THE JUNK IN THE TRUNK.

BUT NOW I HAVE A DEADLINE.

WE'RE FINALLY MEETING IN 3 WEEKS,

AND I HAVE GOT TO LOOK HOT.

SO, MISS BERGER, YOU'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE.

OK...YEAH...I HAVE BEEN.

AND I'M ASHAMED ABOUT THAT.

IT WAS NOT RIGHT TO LIE,

BUT I AM WORKING VERY HARD

TO MAKE IT THE TRUTH.

THEN LET'S MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF YOU.

OK.

YOU AND JULIA BEEN SUCKING BACK

A LITTLE CHARDONNAY IN THE WINE CELLAR?

YOU'VE BEEN AT HALF MAST ALL DAY TODAY.

I'M JUST TIRED, THAT'S ALL.

BAT GIRL GOT ME THINKING ABOUT A SLOGAN

FOR AN AD CAMPAIGN: "BE YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW YOU COULD LOOK BETTER."

GOOD, HUH?

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO ADVERTISE. IT'S SLEAZY.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN SLEAZY 2 MONTHS AGO,

BUT NOW IT'S A NECESSITY.

BOBOLIT'S DOUBLED HIS BILLBOARD CAMPAIGN,

AND NEXT WEEK HE'S LAUNCHING

CABLE TV ADVERTISING.

IF WE DON'T COMPETE, WE'RE SCREWED.

SPEAKING OF WHICH...

* AHH *

* MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL *

* MAKE ME *

* A PERFECT SOUL *

* A PERFECT MIND *

* A PERFECT FACE *

* A PERFECT *

* LIFE *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

[TV PLAYING]

[SHUTS TV OFF]

WHAT TIME IS IT?

OH, NO.

IT'S ONLY 7:00, DAD. YOU'RE NOT LATE.

WHY'D YOU SLEEP DOWN HERE?

YOU AND MOM FIGHTING AGAIN?

YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE FINE, MATT.

I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP.

YOU OK?

MM-HMM.

MMM. MMM.

[SIGHS]

I WANTED A BROTHER.

WHAT?

THE BABY THAT MOM LOST.

I WAS HOPING IT WAS A BROTHER.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SAD, TOO, RIGHT?

YOU CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, EITHER.

I'M CONCERNED HOW YOUR MOTHER FEELS.

A MISCARRIAGE TAKES A TOLL

ON A WOMAN PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.

BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL?

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME.

YES, IT DID, DAD.

IT--IT--IT WAS YOUR BABY, TOO.

DID YOU EVER GIVE IT A NAME?

FIRST OF ALL, YOU NEVER NAME A BABY

UNTIL IT'S BORN. IT'S BAD LUCK.

IT'S DIFFERENT FOR YOUR MOM.

SHE'S GOT THE HORMONES,

AND THE BABY'S IN HER BODY.

[SEAN SIGHS]

MOM IS DOING FINE, DAD.

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S MISSING IN ACTION.

YOU'RE...

DEPRESSED.

HOW DID YOU GET SO SWEET, MATT?

NOT FROM YOUR OLD MAN.

I'LL PUT ON SOME COFFEE.

DAVID.

WHAT?

IF IT WAS A BOY...

I WANTED TO NAME HIM DAVID.

MY SONS MATT AND DAVID.

[CRYING]

DAD.

NANETTE BABCOCK KILLED HERSELF?

WHEN?

HER LANDLORD SAID SHE SHOT HERSELF

3 WEEKS AGO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

ANY OTHER IDEAS WHO MIGHT BE TRASHING

YOUR VEHICLES?

NO.

WELL, IN MY EXPERIENCE, DR. TROY,

AND I'VE HAD HUNDREDS OF CASES SUCH AS THESE,

IT'S USUALLY SOMEONE CLOSE TO HOME.

YOU DID IT.

SO SUE ME.

I ATE YOUR YOPLAIT YESTERDAY. I CONFESS.

YOU TRASHED MY CAR. BOTH OF THEM.

EXCUSE ME?

IT'S SUDDENLY CRYSTAL CLEAR.

THE INCIDENTS BEGAN WHEN YOU STARTED WORKING

AT TROY/McNAMARA.

McNAMARA/TROY, BUT I DIGRESS.

I DIDN'T TRASH YOUR CARS, CHRISTIAN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER

AGAINST NANETTE BABCOCK.

SHE'S DEAD.

SHE KILLED HERSELF...

WHICH MAKES YOU THE PRIME SUSPECT.

WHAT WOULD MY MOTIVE BE?

YOU WANT THE POWER, AND I'VE GOT IT.

YOU'VE ENJOYED PUSHING MY BUTTONS

SINCE YOU STARTED HERE.

WELL, I MAY HAVE PUSHED YOUR BUTTONS,

BUT YOU DIDN'T PUSH MINE.

TRANSLATION: I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE AN ORGASM

WHEN I SLEPT WITH YOU.

YOUR NARCISSISM WAS SO SICKENING

THAT I HAD TO GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT

FULFILLED OR NOT.

THE PERSON WHO'S TRASHING YOUR CAR

IS CLEARLY SUFFERING FROM A JEALOUSY-INDUCED MANIC RAGE.

I'M NOT JEALOUS OF YOUR OTHER WOMEN.

I SLEPT WITH YOU KNOWING FULL WELL

THAT YOU WERE JUST A LOST LITTLE BOY.

SHIT.

YOU DIDN'T DO IT.

THEN WHO THE HELL DID?

THE LIST IS SO LONG IT COULD TAKE MONTHS

TO QUESTION ALL THE SUSPECTS.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE AN ORGASM, IS THAT RIGHT?

NOT A SHUDDER.

YOU'RE A LIAR.

I RODE YOU LIKE A TRIPLE CROWN JOCKEY...

AND YOU CAME.

GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW.

I COUNTED EACH CONTRACTION.

3 TIMES.

OR WERE YOU DOING YOUR KEGEL EXERCISES?

LOCK THE DOOR.

* THROW ME UP AGAINST THE WALL *

* MAKE ME SCREAM MAKE ME SCREAM *

* TAKE ME LIKE A BABY DOLL *

* MAKE ME SCREAM MAKE ME SCREAM *

* WHO'S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL? *

* MAKE ME SCREAM MAKE ME SCREAM *

* OH, OOH, OH *

* OH, OOH, OH *

* LA LA LA LA LA LA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *

* LA LA LA LA LA LA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *

ANYONE EVER TELL YOU LOOK FINE IN THAT SKIRT?

DON'T.

EXPRESSING YOURSELF IN PRIVATE IS FINE.

DOING IT IN PUBLIC IS NOT, OK?

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW ABOUT US,

AND I MEAN IT.

IT'S COOL, RID. NOBODY'S WATCHING.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMN CLINGY?

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

WAIT, DON'T GO.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, DYKE.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

OH, MY GOD, LURK MUCH?

I WASN'T LURKING. I JUST ASKED IF YOU WERE OK.

I'M FINE, MATT.

MY GIRLFRIEND MISSES THE TROUSER SNAKE,

AND I'M FINE.

YEAH, WELL...

GET A DILDO, VANESSA.

SHE'S ALLERGIC TO LATEX.

IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

BUT YOU COULD BE THE SOLUTION.

WHAT?

YOU CARE ABOUT ME, DON'T YOU?

YOU UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS FOR RIDLEY, RIGHT?

BECAUSE THOSE ARE YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME.

SO?

SO HELP ME.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I TRUST.

HELP ME MAKE HER SATISFIED SO I CAN KEEP HER.

AND...I'LL SATISFY...YOU.

WHAT, YOU'RE--YOU'RE PROPOSING A 3-WAY?

YES.

HEY, HONEY.

YOU MUST BE HUNGRY.

YOU WANT ME TO FIX SOMETHING?

I CAN WARM UP THE PASTA I MADE FOR THE KIDS.

NANETTE BABCOCK. REMEMBER HER?

THE MANIC DEPRESSIVE?

THE ONE YOU HELPED?

I DIDN'T HELP HER ENOUGH, JULIA.

SHE SHOT HERSELF. SHE'S DEAD.

OH...

I COULD HAVE DONE MORE.

I COULD HAVE SAVED HER.

OH...

YOU'RE A DOCTOR, SEAN... NOT GOD.

I CAN'T, JULIA.

SHH...

MMM...

MMM...MMM...

ARE YOU HARD?

OH...

IS YOUR THING IN?

I THREW IT AWAY WHEN IT FAILED US.

I JUST HAD MY PERIOD. I SHOULD BE FINE.

MMM...

I CAN'T RISK FINE, JULIA.

I CAN'T GO THROUGH... ANOTHER ACCIDENT.

I CAN'T STAND ANOTHER LOSS.

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

MAYBE I SHOULD GET A VASECTOMY.

THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ANYMORE.

THAT'S AN AWFULLY BIG LEAP...

BETWEEN SOMETHING AND VASECTOMY.

BE HONEST, JULIA.

DO YOU WANT ANOTHER CHILD?

CAN YOU SEE US HAVING ONE?

NO.

MAYBE I SHOULD GET MY TUBES TIED.

THAT'S ABSURD.

IT'S A MUCH SIMPLER OPERATION FOR ME.

[SIGHS]

DID YOU HAVE ANY NAMES PICKED OUT?

HEH.

NO. DID YOU?

NO.

SHE WANTS A 3-WAY?

YEAH, HER GIRLFRIEND MISSES GUYS.

SO NOW YOU WANT SOME ADVICE.

SUDDENLY THE YEARNING FOR UNCLE CHRISTIAN

MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

I'VE MISSED YOU.

I REALLY HAVE.

DID YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER

WE WERE TAKING THE BOAT OUT TODAY?

OF COURSE NOT, MAN.

SHE WOULD HAVE HIT THE ROOF.

SHE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO.

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN YOU TO THAT PORN PARTY, MATT.

IF YOU AND I ARE GONNA HANG,

WE'RE FOLLOWING A NEW SET OF RULES.

NO MORE ILLICIT CONVERSATIONS,

NO MORE ADVICE ON THINGS

YOU'RE NOT EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO HANDLE.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT THEN?

YOU'RE RIGHT. GOD, IT'S GONNA BE BORING.

LOOK, UNCLE CHRIS,

DO YOU THINK I'M MATURE FOR FOR AGE?

GOD HELP ME, YES.

THEN STOP FREAKING OUT THAT YOU'RE CORRUPTING ME.

IS HAVING A 3-WAY TAKING IT TO THE EDGE?

YEAH, IT IS.

IT SOUNDS WEIRD,

BUT MAYBE IT'S A REALLY MODERN WAY

FOR VANESSA AND I TO BE TOGETHER.

SO I'M GONNA DO IT.

WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.

OK.

RULE NUMBER ONE--

SHOULD I WRITE THIS DOWN?

NO, JUST LISTEN.

RULE NUMBER ONE: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LADIES.

FORGET WHO YOU LIKE AND WHAT YOU LIKE

BECAUSE YOU'RE THERE TO PLEASE THEM.

START CHUGGING YOUR B VITAMINS 'CAUSE IT'S EXHAUSTING SHIT.

OK.

UH, WHAT'S RULE NUMBER 2?

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LADIES.

I'M TELLING YOU, SEAN, I FELT VIOLATED.

THE ONLY OTHER TIME I FELT REMOTELY THIS POWERLESS

WAS BACK IN THE EARLY NINETIES WHEN SOME CHICK

SLIPPED HER FINGER UP MY BUTT WITH NO WARNING.

EARTH TO SEAN.

DID YOU HEAR A WORD I SAID? I'M UPSET!

AND I'M DEPRESSED.

SO, TAKE A HIT OF V. IT'LL PERK YOU RIGHT UP.

I DON'T NEED REMEDIES. I NEED A SOLUTION.

SO I'M GONNA GET A VASECTOMY.

WHAT? WHY?

JULIA DOESN'T WANNA HAVE ANY MORE KIDS,

AND I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER MISTAKE.

THAT IS THE MOST BULLSHIT CURE FOR DEPRESSION

I'VE EVER HEARD OF.

YOU WANNA SHOOT BLANKS, SEAN, DON'T GET SNIPPED.

DO WHAT I DO. TAKE A BATH.

WHAT?

BEFORE EVERY DATE I SIT IN A 116 DEGREE BATH.

EXCESSIVE TESTICULAR HEAT SHUTS DOWN SPERMATOGENESIS.

TEA BAG YOUR TESTICLES IN A HOT TUB

AND I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU WILL BE STERILE AND SQUEAKY CLEAN.

YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT REAL LOSS,

SO DON'T OFFER ME ADVICE.

IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS THIS SHAKY,

THAT THIS IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS,

GOOD LUCK.

AND SCREW YOU. I DO UNDERSTAND LOSS.

THE BOATOX IS MY BABY.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO TO MAKE THIS STOP?

I FILED A COMPLAINT. THE COPS ARE USELESS.

I THINK SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GO THROUGH

HIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK AND MAKE AMENDS.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

* THIS IS THE MUSIC WE TIGHTEN UP WITH *

* FIRST, TIGHTEN UP ON THE DRUMS *

* COME ON, NOW, DRUMMER *

* WANT YOU TO TIGHTEN IT UP FOR ME NOW *

* TIGHTEN UP ON THAT BASS NOW *

* TIGHTEN IT UP *

* NOW, TIGHTEN IT UP, HORNS *

* YEAH, EVERYBODY TIGHTEN IT UP NOW *

WHEN WAS YOUR LAST RADIATION, MRS. O'HARA?

9 MONTHS AGO.

WE WERE VERY LUCKY SHE DIDN'T LOSE HER HAIR.

NOT A SINGLE STRAND.

MOST WOMEN WHO HAVE A MASTECTOMY

CHOOSE TO HAVE BREAST RECONSTRUCTION DONE

DURING THEIR SURGERY. I SEE YOU DIDN'T.

SHE WAS VERY SICK FROM THE CHEMO, SO SHE DIDN'T--

JIM, YOU WANNA LET ME ANSWER THIS QUESTION?

THESE ARE MY TITS HE'S TALKING ABOUT HERE.

[LAUGHS] OK.

THE CHEMO DID MAKE ME VERY SICK.

I WANTED TO CONCENTRATE ON HEALING.

I'M A VERY HOLISTIC PERSON.

THAT'S MY BUSINESS, ACTUALLY.

I'M A CHIROPRACTOR.

WHEN A GIRLFRIEND OF MINE GOT IMPLANTS,

SHE SAID SHE WOKE UP AFTER THE OPERATION

FEELING LIKE A TON OF BRICKS

WERE SITTING ON HER CHEST.

I FELT I COULD ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH,

YOU KNOW?

USUALLY, THE SENSATION OF WEIGHT ONLY HAPPENS

IF THE IMPLANT IS A "C" OR LARGER.

THAT'S WHAT WE WANT. "C"s.

THAT'S MY PRESENT TO HIM

FOR GOING THROUGH THIS HELL WITH ME.

I WAS PREVIOUSLY AN "A" CUP.

THAT'S AN AWFULLY GENEROUS GIFT.

WELL, I CAN'T GIVE HIM THE CHILDREN WE WANTED.

THE CHEMO AND RADIATION...

IT'S--IT'S OK. WE CAN ADOPT.

WE--WE'RE DOING GREAT.

JIM, JUST STOP! JUST STOP IT!

FOR ONCE JUST STOP BEING A CHEERLEADER

AND LET ME FEEL IT!

IF I DON'T FEEL IT, I CAN'T GET PAST IT.

DON'T YOU SEE THAT?

HAVE YOU CRIED, MR. O'HARA?

NO.

NOT EVEN ALONE?

I WAS TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR YOU.

FOR US. WHAT?

NOW I'M A GODDAMN UNFEELING MONSTER, RIGHT?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN LEAVE THEIR WIVES

WHEN THEY--

YOUR ANGER'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

YOU'VE LOST THE HEALTH OF YOUR WIFE, HER BODY.

EVEN WITH IMPLANTS AND A RECONSTRUCTION,

YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK WHAT YOU LOST.

I AM ANGRY.

MY WHOLE LIFE...

ALL OF OUR DREAMS, THEY JUST--JUST BLEW UP

THE DAY SHE CAME HOME AND TOLD ME.

I WANT-- I WANT MY WIFE BACK.

MR. O'HARA, OUR STAFF PSYCHOLOGIST DR. SANTIAGO

CAN RECOMMEND A COUNSELING SOURCE.

AND, MRS. O'HARA, I CAN RECOMMEND A DATE

FOR A SECOND CONSULTATION.

MELANIE, HI. CHRISTIAN TROY.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS--

2 WEEKS--

A YEAR SINCE WE BROKE UP,

BUT I'M JUST CALLING TO TALK ABOUT

HOW IT ENDED BETWEEN US.

SO, PENNY...JENNY...

UH, CALL ME BACK SO WE CAN CATCH UP.

I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO BE FRIENDS,

AND I HOPE YOU'RE WELL.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

HEY, ASSHOLE. HOW'S TRICKS?

I'M SURE THERE'S BEEN AT LEAST A DOZEN

SINCE YOU KICKED ME TO THE CURB LAST WEEK.

GINA, I'D KNOW THAT BITTER TONE ANYWHERE.

HOW ARE YOU, SWEETHEART?

HEY, IF YOU'RE CALLING TO TELL ME YOU HAVE GENITAL HERPES,

SPARE THE DRAMA.

I'VE ALREADY GOT 'EM.

I GOT INFECTED 2 YEARS AGO.

YOU DO?

NAH, I'M CLEAN, PRICK. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

LOOK, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME REAL SOUL-SEARCHING LATELY,

AND--

OH, THE 12-STEP BOOTIE CALL'S

NOT GONNA WORK WITH ME, CHRISTIAN.

FOOL ME ONCE.

THAT'S NOT WHY I'M CALLING.

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS MEETINGS ARE ALL OVER TOWN

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

JUST STAY AWAY FROM 64th AND COLLINS.

THAT'S MINE.

BOY, YOU'RE A REALLY ANGRY GIRL, GINA.

MAYBE ANGRY ENOUGH TO TRASH A CAR?

OH, WE GOT VANDALIZED, DID WE?

THAT'S CALLED KARMA, CHRISTIAN.

YOU GOT A SHIT LOAD OF BAD STUFF COMING.

HOW DOES THAT FEEL, HUH?

BEING VIOLATED?

ARE YOU AFRAID?

DO IT AGAIN, I'LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

EAT SHIT AND DIE, ASSHOLE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

LISTEN, YOU CRAZY BITCH--

Woman: YOU SWEET-TALKER, YOU.

WHO IS THIS?

IT'S KIMBER.

KIMBER HENRY?

YOU FIXED MY TITS,

YOU GAVE ME A NOSE JOB 3 MONTHS AGO.

YOU JUST CALLED ME.

OH, RIGHT.

KIMBER, HOW ARE YOU?

GREAT, HOW ARE YOU?

COULDN'T BE BETTER.

LOOK, UH, THANKS FOR RETURNING MY MESSAGE.

I WAS THINKING OF YOU, TOO.

I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU A CALL.

WHY?

IF YOU WANNA FIND OUT, MEET ME TOMORROW

AT MASCARA STUDIOS.

* SO YOU WANNA PLAY GAMES *

* YOU'RE THINKING THAT... *

WHOA! HEY, THAT'S HER BAD SIDE.

DO NOT SHOOT HER BAD SIDE.

* AND YOU THINK MY BARK IS WORSE THAN MY BITE *

Man: ALL RIGHT, TAKE 20, EVERYONE!

CHRISTIAN!

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

ISN'T THIS COOL?

I BOOKED MY FIRST COVER.

OCEAN DRIVE MAGAZINE.

AND, IN A WAY, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE.

LOOK AT YOU, SWEETHEART.

YOU'RE AN 11.

KIMMIE, BACK OFF.

YOU'RE GETTING BODY MAKEUP ALL OVER THIS MAN'S SUIT.

NICO SCAMAREL.

DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

DR. TROY!

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN KNIFE.

I TOLD HER, SURE, HAVE HIM DROP BY.

WHY NOT?

WE'LL TALK ABOUT A RETURN VISIT.

NICO'S MY MANAGER.

AND MY FIANCE.

IS SHE SOMETHING OR WHAT?

AFTER THIS, WE'RE GOING AFTER THE FRONTS

OF ALL THE BIG BOOKS.

VOGUE, CIGAR AFICIONADO.

BUT AS I WAS TELLING KIMMIE YESTERDAY,

FIRST WE GOTTA LIFT THAT ASS.

LOOK.

ONE PROFESSIONAL TO ANOTHER, IT COULD BE HIGHER, RIGHT?

HONEY, THE CRAFT SERVICE TABLE,

IT'S TOTAL CARB HELL.

COULD YOU LOOK INTO SOME VEGGIES

OR LOW-FAT PROTEIN OR SOMETHING?

THINK ABOUT GIVING US A SPECIAL PRICE, DOCTOR.

SHE'S WALKING ADVERTISING.

NICE.

UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW.

I HAD THAT COMING.

SO, I KNOW WHY I CALLED YOU.

WHY'D YOU CALL ME?

IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH MY INSURANCE OR SOMETHING?

NO PROBLEM. IT'S JUST THAT LATELY I'VE BEEN...

I'VE BEEN DOING SOME REAL SOUL-SEARCHING, AND...

I TREATED YOU LIKE SHIT.

YOU DESERVED BETTER.

YOU STILL DESERVE BETTER.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I DO.

ANY IDEAS?

DINNER SOUNDS GREAT, KIMBER.

HAVE THE DOORMAN LET YOU IN. HE HAS A KEY.

OK, BABY.

I'LL SEE YOU AT 8:00.

I KNEW IT WAS YOU!

GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF ME.

WHAT IS THIS, HUH? WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S A PRESENT.

I WAS JUST GETTING READY TO LEAVE IT UNDER YOUR WIPERS,

ASSHOLE.

YEAH, I WAS ACTUALLY FEELING GUILTY

ABOUT TELLING YOU NOT TO COME TO THE MEETINGS.

WHAT ELSE IS IN THE PURSE, GINA?

OH, I DON'T KNOW, CHRISTIAN.

MACE, ALTOIDS...

MAYBE SOME SPRAY PAINT.

NICE GRAFFITI.

VERY ACCURATE.

I'M GETTING IT FIXED TOMORROW MORNING.

I'M SENDING YOU THE BILL.

AND THEM I'M PUTTING OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER.

OH, REALLY? WOW.

ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S GONNA BE A LITTLE DIFFICULT

SEEING AS YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY GODDAMN NAME!

WHAT IS MY LAST NAME, ASSHOLE? HUH?!

YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED ME.

NOT EVEN AFTER YOU SCREWED ME.

THE POLICE ARE GONNA HAVE A VERY HARD TIME

BRINGING ME TO HEEL IF THEY DON'T KNOW MY NAME.

NOW, DON'T YOU WISH YOU'D GOTTEN TO KNOW ME BETTER?

HUH? AAH!

[CAR ALARM WAILING]

TRASH MY GODDAMN CAR ONE MORE TIME,

AND I WILL TRASH YOU!

I'M A PLASTIC SURGEON!

I KNOW JUST WHICH BONES TO BREAK

TO MAKE YOU AN UGLY, SORRY, GIRL!

ARE WE CLEAR?!

[CAR ALARM STOPS]

IT'S NOT GONNA STOP, CHRISTIAN!

IT'S NOT GONNA STOP TILL YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

OK, CANDLES.

CHECK.

CONDOMS?

CHECK.

LUBRICANT?

IS STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED OK? THAT'S ALL THEY HAD.

RIDLEY'S VEGAN. THAT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW, VANESSA...

THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT RIDLEY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I JUST WANT HER TO LOVE ME.

THAT'S ALL.

IS ALL THIS EFFORT WORTH IT?

YOU TELL ME, MATT.

IS ALL THIS PAIN WORTH IT TO YOU?

PAIN? I'M--

I'M A GUY ABOUT TO HAVE A 3-WAY.

LOOK...

I KNOW YOU THINK MAYBE THIS IS A WAY

FOR US TO BE TOGETHER, MATT.

BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

IT'S NOT.

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ME THE WAY THAT RIDLEY CAN.

I LOVE YOU... AS A FRIEND.

BUT THAT'S IT.

WELL, THAT'S FINE.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

I TOLD YOU, I'M JUST THE GUY

WHO'S HELPING A GIRL OUT IN TROUBLE.

GOD, MATT...

IF ONLY YOU WERE A GIRL.

MM.

YEAH.

THIS GIVES YOU A "B" CUP.

CAN I, UM--

PLEASE, PICK IT UP.

CHECK THE WEIGHT, THE CONSISTENCY.

THAT'S WHAT THIS CONSULT IS FOR.

I THINK I'LL TRY THE "C" CUP.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WEAR A TUBE TOP.

SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY

WE WERE SHOOTING RAW SILICONE INTO WOMEN.

MY, HOW FAR WE'VE COME.

[SIGHS]

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS TODAY.

I'M ON YOUR TIMETABLE HERE.

I'M FINE.

IT'S NOTHING YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE, RIGHT?

WHAT DO THEY SAY, ONE OUT OF EVERY 5 WOMEN GOES THROUGH THIS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU HAD AN EXCELLENT SURGEON.

THIS IS VERY CLEAN WORK.

I WON'T NEED TO DO ANY SKIN GRAFTS.

YOU'RE A GREAT CANDIDATE FOR THIS SURGERY.

WHAT ABOUT NIPPLES?

WE WORK WITH A GREAT TATTOO ARTIST.

TATTOOS?

THEY'RE JUST DRAWN ON?

WITH THE CORRECT SHADINGS

AND COLORATIONS,

THEY LOOK LIKE THE REAL THING.

DON'T FOR ONE SECOND FEEL ASHAMED

ABOUT THESE SCARS ON YOUR CHEST.

YOU'RE JUST WEARING ON THE OUTSIDE

WHAT THE REST OF US WEAR ON THE INSIDE.

I LIKE YOUR STYLE, DR. McNAMARA.

YOU'RE VERY BRAVE.

HMM...

THESE CONSULTATIONS CAN BE DIFFICULT, I KNOW.

YOU'RE THE BRAVE ONE.

I MEANT HOW YOU TALKED TO MY HUSBAND THE OTHER DAY.

HOW YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT PAIN.

HAVE YOU HAD CANCER?

NO.

YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT LOSS.

MY WIFE MISCARRIED RECENTLY.

I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A MAN

AND NOT LET YOURSELF...FEEL.

I JUST WANTED YOUR HUSBAND TO KNOW

HE HAS TO TAKE ACTION

IF HE'S GONNA GET THROUGH IT.

DID YOU TAKE ACTION?

I'M GETTING A VASECTOMY.

I GUESS I'LL TAKE THE "B" CUP.

CHRISTIAN TROY'S OFFICE?

I'LL FIND IT.

* WHERE DO I BEGIN *

* TO TELL THE STORY *

* OF HOW GREAT A LOVE CAN BE... *

HOW ARE WE DOING TODAY, MISS BERGER?

IT HURTS.

ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH PAIN MEDICATION?

THIS IS MY MEDICATION.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

* WHERE DO I START? *

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN CHRISTIAN?

GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE RIGHT NOW!

GIMME JUST A MINUTE.

I LOVE HER, MAN, AND YOU DON'T.

SHE IS MY LIFE.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

HE TRASHED YOUR OFFICE WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

SO I GUESS WE FOUND YOUR VANDAL.

HE'S NOT THE ONE. I FOUND THE PERSON

THAT WAS DOING THIS TO MY CAR.

THIS IS--

JUST ANOTHER HAPPY COINCIDENCE?

YOU GONNA PRESS CHARGES?

NO.

WHO THE HELL WAS THAT GUY?

HE'S THE FIANCE OF A FORMER PATIENT.

SO WHY DID HE COME IN HERE?

DID HE HATE HER NOSE JOB?

HE HATED THE FACT THAT I SLEPT WITH HER.

WHEN?

LAST NIGHT.

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, CHRISTIAN.

YOU DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT. I'M NOT GONNA TOLER--

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SEAN.

BE A GODDAMNED PROFESSIONAL!

YOU DON'T SEE ME ACTING THAT WAY.

YOU DON'T SEE GRACE ACTING THAT WAY.

EXCUSE ME.

IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN--

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DAD?!

DOCK MY PAYCHECK?

IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN, SOMEONE COULD GET HURT.

WOULD THAT MAKE IT STOP?

WOULD THAT GET YOUR ATTENTION, CHRISTIAN?

I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

AM I MOVING TOO FAST COOKING FOR YOU?

NO.

YOU CAN'T LET THAT NICO THING

MAKE YOU UPSET, HONEY.

YOU KNOW HOW HOTHEADED LATIN MEN ARE.

I HAVE TO PUT MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK.

I CAN'T SLEEP WITH PATIENTS ANYMORE.

SEAN'S RIGHT.

YOU DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

I AM NOT SHIT.

I'M THE SHIT, SWEETHEART.

YOU ARE SWEET AND TRUSTING AND KIND AND...I'M THE SHIT.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WHEN MY CLOTHES WERE OFF,

YOU SAID I WAS YOUR SOUL MATE.

I'M NOT GONNA BE YOUR VICTIM THIS TIME, CHRISTIAN.

YOU DO THE DISHES.

YOU MISSED OUT ON A GOOD THING.

ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN?

I'M HAVING FUN.

AREN'T YOU, MATT?

HMM? UM, OH, YEAH, TOTALLY.

UH, SO HOW DO WE LAUNCH THIS?

I GUESS ONE OF US HAS TO START THE UNDERWEAR PILE.

GOD, YOU GUYS ARE SUCH PUSSIES.

I TOLD YOU SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

VANESSA... COME HERE, BABY.

UP.

MATT...

HELP ME WITH HER BRA.

YOU HAVE TO BE INVITED.

THIS IS ABOUT US.

TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES, MATTHEW.

EVERYTHING.

ARE YOU UPSET WITH ME?

OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S YOUR BODY, IT'S YOUR DECISION.

DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND--

I MADE THE DECISION BY MYSELF THIS MORNING...

RIGHT BEFORE I TOLD JIM I WAS LEAVING HIM.

MANY MARRIAGES DON'T SURVIVE CANCER.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

THERE'S A BIG HOLE IN OUR MARRIAGE NOW

THAT CAN NEVER BE REPAIRED, AND WE BOTH KNOW THAT.

WE JUST HAD TO FINALLY BE...

HONEST.

I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

BUT I'M ODDLY HOPEFUL NOW, TOO.

WHY IS THAT?

JIM DOESN'T SEE ME AS WHOLE ANYMORE.

I THOUGHT MAYBE NO ONE COULD,

BUT YOU DID YESTERDAY DURING MY EXAM,

AND I THANK GOD FOR THAT MOMENT.

IF I MAY SHARE A LESSON RECENTLY LEARNED?

DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF HEALING THE INTERNAL PROBLEM

WITH AN EXTERNAL FIX.

THIS DAY'S BEEN TOUGH.

I'M GONNA GO GET BLOTTO ON A MOJITO.

A DOUBLE.

THANK YOU, DR. McNAMARA, FOR EVERYTHING.

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN ME?

I'M SORRY.

WE HAVE A POLICY HERE

THAT WE DON'T SEE PATIENTS SOCIALLY...

BUT I AM ALLOWED TO WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.

* NOTHING NATURAL *

* COULD COME BETWEEN *

* ENAMORED MORTALS SUCH AS WE *

* THE WINDS MAY BLOW US FAR APART *

* BUT NOTHING WILL UNDO *

* OUR HEARTS *

* NO MATTER HOW FAR I WANDER *

* WHAT STARS I'M UNDER *

* I'LL ALWAYS COME BACK TO YOU *

* NOTHING NATURAL *

* COULD TURN THE TIDE *

* THAT WASHES OVER *

* BOTH OUR LIVES... *

WHAT?

NOTHING. I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU.

I KISS YOU ALL THE TIME.

* ...BECOMES OF US *

* NO MATTER HOW FAR I TUMBLE *

* WHAT SPELL I'M UNDER *

* I'LL ALWAYS COME BACK TO *

* TO YOU *

* TO YOU... *

YOU THANKED ME EARLIER.

ACTUALLY, I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD THANK YOU.

I'M NOT NORMALLY THE ONE WITH THE BEDSIDE MANNER.

THAT'S USUALLY MY PARTNER...

BUT WHEN I WAS TREATING YOU,

I FELT LIKE A HEALER AGAIN.

IT WAS VERY NICE, MEGAN.

WELL, YOU'RE A VERY NICE MAN, DR. McNAMARA.

SEAN.

OUT OF THE LAB COAT, I'M JUST SEAN.

GOOD-BYE, MEGAN.

GOOD-BYE, SEAN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHO DIED?

IT'S RECENTLY BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION

THAT CROSSING THE PATIENT/DOCTOR BOUNDARY LINE

IS NOT THAT UNCOMMON AFTER ALL.

YOU'RE THE PATIENT I WANT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE WITH.

* WHERE DO I BEGIN *

* TO TELL THE STORY OF HOW GREAT A LOVE CAN BE? *

* THE SWEET LOVE STORY THAT IS OLDER THAN THE SEA *

* A SIMPLE TRUTH ABOUT THE LOVE HE BRINGS TO ME *

Man: BLISS?

* WHERE DO I START? *

I'M ISAAC.

WH--WHAT?!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

* MAKE ME *

* BEAUTIFUL *

* LIFE *