Original subtitles

Hi-hi, there-there. Hey-hey nice-nice out-outfit.

Ahh. Ha ha.

Here you are.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Give me a dollar.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

King Kong, come here.

Come on.

Ha ha ha ha.

I didn't see anything weird.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're too kind.

I need a word with you, pal.

Who is you? I'm busy.

Too busy to make $50,000?

Show's over, folks!

Aww! Aww!

Sit.

Over there.

Oh, hey, I want my gold watch.

Come on, pal, over here.

Which one?

Which one?

Drake, this ape's a genius.

It's a monkey,

and I'm the genius, not him.

Is it true you do burglaries with that,

uh... Little ape?

True?

That's what we do best.

Is that how I'm gonna make 50 grand?

Ah, we'll talk about that later.

First,

we need a little demonstration...

Free of charge.

Ahh.

¶ Out came the sun ¶

¶ and dried up all the rain ¶

¶ and the itsy-bitsy spider... ¶

Yay.

You don't talk much. You don't talk at all.

But you're my bright boy.

Do you think he's going to say anything?

Say "dada."

Come on, dad.

He's break dancing. Look at this.

Eva's home.

Come on, let's go see your sis.

Let's go see your sis.

Hi. Peter, come on in.

Thank you. Just for a sec.

She's getting a little picture she made for me.

Oh, sure, sure.

Hey, Peter.

How are you? Beautiful. So how are we?

Mom: Oh, did you get my message...

Peter: Yes.

Scram, Jack!

Dad!

I'm ready for you!

Jack: Coming, sweetheart.

Oh, search and destroy, eh, Jacko?

That's me...

Uh-huh.

That's you.

Handsome as ever, yeah.

An excellent rendition here in the middle.

This is a rottweiler, dad.

They're the greatest dogs.

It says here. Look.

He could be our dog.

I can see that you've researched it.

Look, eva, airline pilots don't have dogs.

We travel too much. No problemo.

When you're flying, he could stay here with me.

Baby...

How many times do you have to hear it?

You can't keep a dog here 'cause of your stepdad.

It's not my fault if he's allergic to animal hair.

Ohh.

Come on, it's not his fault, either.

See? I told youse.

I trained him to pick gold, jewelry, cash, silver.

So, what?

It's a monkey, not an appraiser.

So what do you say?

This is perfect for the mahler score.

Anything goes wrong, only the monkey's there to take the heat.

He's gonna love it.

The monkey... He'll love it.

Who's he?

Let's give this guy a down payment.

I gotta hunch we're gonna do business with him.

Hey, let's do some business here.

Drake: Don't fool around. Give him the money.

I had it right here, Drake. I had it here.

What do you mean you had it?

I had it right here.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, you know what this is?

It's your down payment. You earned it.

Ha ha ha ha.

My school nurse says people can get over their allergies.

Sometimes having a dog around makes their body get used to it.

Tom's allergy isn't the only reason.

Eva, you're not responsible enough to care for a dog.

You need a diaper.

Look, you never listen to a word I say.

Your room is a complete disaster area.

You never get anything done on time.

Here, would you throw this out for me?

No, stanks.

If you can't even deal with a dirty diaper,

how are you going to clean up after a dog?

Because, mom, I'd be doing it for my own puppy.

Well, how about doing this for your own brother?

Do I have to? I'm eating.

He can do it himself.

Well, a dog won't be able to feed himself.

You'll have to do it twice a day.

I know.

How about this? You going to give up your favorite TV shows

when the dog needs to go for a walk?

Eva, listen.

If you really think you can handle it, then convince us.

Start helping out more around here,

pick up after yourself.

And then, if I do all that,

will you let me... Honey, tom, look.

He's doing itsy-bitsy spider. Have...

A dog?

¶ The itsy-bitsy spider ¶

¶ climbed up the waterspout ¶

¶ down came the rain and washed the brother out ¶

eva...

Eva...

Your brother loves you so much.

That's fine.

I just don't want you to love him so much.

You think everything he does is so precious.

I hate him. He's a nerd.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't I pack his bag right now,

I'll leave him on the street tonight,

and we'll just hope somebody really nice finds him

and takes care of him.

Come on, mom. Just shoot him.

They tooked everything!

She took the TV!

She even took my fricking food!

Aaahh...

What do you want?

The little jerk's...

Gone!

She left and tooked him with her,

because of you.

She hated you

and your stinking mess!

And she hated me for keeping you around!

You don't believe me?!

Read!

Now get over it!

We got work to do.

Amy, calm down.

Don't touch anything.

Ohh...

Uhh...

My grandmother's pin and the ring you gave me.

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Uhh!

The cash in your purse,

was it large bills or small?

Uh...

J-just singles. Why?

This guy wasn't a pro. Breaking in with us in the other room,

he goes for your good jewelry, but also grabs worthless junk,

grabs the singles in your purse,

but misses the "c" note in my wallet?

And to rip off a police lieutenant?

Amy: Eva?

Eva, you're late.

What... what are you doing? Get dressed.

Mom, all this stuff looks disgusting on me.

Do we have to do this every single morning?

Hey, look at that!

Hey, guys.

Eva, that's enough. I said no.

Hi, eva. Hi.

You're not coming in today?

Later.

Well, this is my dog Toto and I named him after the dog...

eva: Do you feed him?

Do you walk him? Do you clean up his poop?

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

No. Actually, my mom does most of that stuff.

Then he's not really yours.

Wanna bet? He is so mine!

Only until your parents decide he's a big pain and get rid of him.

They're not gonna get rid of him.

Eva, please.

Now, it's Jesse's time to talk.

Do you want us to pay attention tomorrow when it's your turn?

Tomorrow? I can't do it tomorrow.

I'm not ready. I forgot.

Now, that's what you've been saying all month, eva.

Remember, we agreed that you were going to be more organized,

you were gonna follow a schedule.

Now, you can do this. I have faith in you.

Try to prepare something for show and tell next month,

ok?

Go on, Jesse.

I like to dress him up a lot, and he's got like little...

I have nothing to show. I have nothing to tell. What am I gonna do?

That's easy. You can always bring your brother.

My brother? Forget it.

Never.

Jesse: This is about it.

Gypsy: It's a machine. You know what to do.

Drake: Anybody home? Anybody home?

Get up, you bum! You struck gold. Your monkey's got a job.

Now call me, all right?

I want you to call me right away.

The big boss wants to meet you.

Yes!

Ohh... Ha.

Oh, Harold, look at that little monkey.

That's quite a pet you've got there, young lady.

Does it bite?

I hope not.

Well, where did you get it?

From some... in the Caribbean, some pirates.

There's still pirates in the Caribbean?

You know, retired ones. They own a restaurant now.

Man: What's its name?

It's name? Uh...

Dodger, 'cause he likes the hat.

Oh, he's a dodger...

he's a dodger fan.

Oh, it's so wonderful... ohh!

Man: Is he always so friendly to strangers?

Sometimes, occasionally.

Now he's coming to see me.

Oh, look at him go.

Oh, look at that.

Ha ha ha.

Isn't he something?

Well, thank you, little girl. That's very nice.

Oh, Harold...

Look at this!

You scared him.

Hey, little dude, are you all right?

Did you run away from the zoo or the circus or something?

My name's eva.

How did you come to me like that?

Ohh...

Ha ha.

Ok, you're mine now, all right?

Is that what you want?

Oh...

Excuse me.

Shh. It's ok. It's ok. Shh.

I know. The bulldog scared you, didn't he?

But now you have to be really good and don't move, ok?

Promise?

Ok.

You're so cute.

What would really help, lieutenant, just find some photos

of the 2 jewelry items... you know, family snapshots,

anything... I can blow them up.

Yeah. We'll dig something up.

Eva, wait. What are you doing? It's just cates.

Hey, eva. What's up? Oh, not much.

Ok. See you later. Bye.

Call me when those lab reports come in.

Right. Will do. Thanks, guys.

All right. See you.

You think we should tell her what happened?

I don't know.

I really don't want to scare her

with the idea of a robber sneaking into the house.

This is my room.

Yeah. You're my secret.

Amy: Sweetheart?

Good. You're cleaning.

Mm-hmm.

You want a snack or anything?

Mm-mmm.

Sure? All right. Keep it up.

That was close.

What's wrong?

You trying to tell me something? You, uh...

Uh... You...

You need to go pee? Yuck.

Gross.

No pee-pee on the floor, dodger. No.

Bad. No good.

Yuck.

Eva? Katie for you.

I'm in the bathroom!

Honey, I got the phone right here.

You want me to leave it, or you want to hold, or what?

I can't! I'm on the toilet!

On the toilet!

Ah-choo!

Uhh!

She's in... she's in the toilet.

She'll have to call you back.

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!!

Ewww!

Yeah, right.

What do you want?

Don't you dare talk to me like that.

How'd you find us? She knows you're here, she'll kill you!

I'm not after her.

Woman: Who is it?!

It's nobody!

So now I'm a nobody?

You were always a nobody.

Where's my monkey?

You don't know?

Who you talking to there?

I'm talking to myself!

Is the monkey here, or ain't he?

Of course not! She'd never let me keep him around.

Phehh! Why? What happened? You lost him?

I can't believe it. You lost him.

I didn't lost him. I just can't find him.

Tell that ungrateful...

Mother of yours

that nobody...

Is becoming somebody.

Here.

Get yourself new sneakers.

Mmm...

There you go.

Hey, you look cute.

What, you don't like it?

Dinner's ready.

The sign says "keep out" on the door.

Can't you at least knock?

I'll be there in a sec.

You'll be there now.

Come on.

We assume the zoo would be the logical place

to report a lost monkey,

so I wanted yez... youse... uh, you to know where to reach me.

Yeah.

It's Dr. Benjamin Stevenson.

Eva, Mr. Daily said you wouldn't let his dog in the elevator today.

What's this about?

I couldn't, mom. If that dog got hair all over me,

just think how bad it would be for tom's allergy.

As it is, I've been sneezing all afternoon.

See?

Thanks.

Hello?

Yeah. Just a minute.

Eva, it's for you. It's Katie.

Amy: Tell her just for a sec. We're having dinner.

Katie: Hey. Hi. Can you keep a secret?

No. I mean really swear to keep it.

No, I don't have a crush on anybody, Katie.

This is serious!

Oh, my God. I gotta go.

I'll call you tomorrow at school.

Go! Go!

What are you doing?

I'm just, uh, you know, I'm voguing.

Yeah.

Ah-choo!

Jeez!

Sorry. Your mother wants you back at the table.

Come on.

Ohhh!

Tom: Amy, I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'.

Amy: Oh, honey...

Tom: Got a tissue?

Amy: Yeah. Here you go. Oh, sweetie.

You sure you don't want to try some of that herbal tea?

I'm telling you, it really works.

Well, uh, I'm gonna go eat in my room.

Please excuse me from the table. Bye.

What's up with her?

I don't know, but I was surprised

what she said earlier about your allergy?

I mean, she was really concerned.

Yeah. Maybe she's finally accepting the fact

she can't have a pet.

There we go.

Do you like chicken?

Shoot! I forgot a knife.

You don't like chicken?

Oh! You don't like forks!

Do you like that?

Is that good?

Sweetie, your show's on.

I can't! I'm busy! I'm doin' my homework!

Good morning, mom.

What are you staring at?

You cleaned your room!

And... You're dressed. Look at you.

I'm supposed to learn responsibility, remember?

Come on. Let's get some breakfast. I'm starved.

Honey.

Oh, honey.

It's so clean, eva.

Tom.

Mmm...

What time is it?

Something's up with eva.

She just left for school.

No, no. You're not late. You're not late.

She and Paul went a half an hour early.

Oh.

Now, last night, she gave up her favorite show

so she could do her homework.

And when I went in to wake her this morning,

she was washed, she was dressed,

the bed was made, the room was perfect.

Not one thing out of place. And then at breakfast,

she asked me how Jack was doing on his toilet training.

She was really interested in how I was teaching him.

Then she made her own lunch...

With 2 bananas and an extra sandwich.

Sounds like she met a guy.

That would explain the 2 bananas and the extra sandwich.

Right.

And she's teaching this guy how to use the potty?

Whee! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Wow.

Woman: So are you gonna go to the meeting tonight?

I'd like to, but I don't have a babysitter.

Oh, I have somebody.

Oh, well, Jack never gets home until 9:00.

Why don't you call me?

Katie. Come on, let's go.

No. Let's wait for eva. She has something really important to tell me.

Ok. You're my friend. She can tell you, too.

Hi, Annie.

Hi, eva.

Want to see your puppy?

No. What can I do for you?

I want...

A capuchin.

A cu... What?

He's a capuchin, isn't he?

Eva, where did you get him?

Um, my father got him from the Caribbean

from some pirate or something.

But... Can I ask you a question? The only thing is,

will he grow up to be like a big gorilla or something?

Ha ha! No. I'd probably say he's fully grown now.

Yes! Ha ha ha! Ok, see,

he's a surprise present for my mom.

But my dad wants me to train him first.

So could you keep him here, you know, while I'm at school and stuff?

There she is! Let's go!

Eva!

Eva!

We've all been waiting to hear the news.

What happened?

News? It's not news! It's a secret!

All: We won't tell anyone! We promise!

Ok, eva.

Go inside, all of you.

Just go!

You can't listen to our secret. Go. Go!

Go!

There. What is it?

Come on. I won't tell, I swear.

Katie, I can't tell you.

If I tell you and you tell one other person,

it could ruin everything.

Ruin what? Maybe I can help you. I am your best friend.

Help me? I told you I have a secret,

and you tell the whole class.

You're not my friend anymore.

Great best friend, Katie.

You said you saw a monkey?

Yes. In this park?

Yes.

I knew he couldn't have gone too far.

Yes!

Do you speak English?

No.

Tessa, stop. Wait here a minute, ok?

He was a big hit around here.

Ha ha ha! The funniest thing

is how he loves the cash register.

I couldn't keep him away from it.

He thinks it's the greatest toy in the world.

Come on, dodger, get in.

Hi.

My teacher sent me.

I need all the books you have on monkeys.

Uh-huh. All monkeys or a specific species?

I think I need a... Cappuccino.

Oh, sweetheart, I need one, too,

but we don't have a cappuccino machine here.

Do children drink that stuff?

Whoa!

This specific species.

The name sounds like cappuccino?

Ok. I'm sure we have something here for you.

"Black howler."

Uh, "debrazza."

"Capuchin." That sounds like cappuccino,

no doubt about it, huh? Ok.

Yes. Ok.

Uh... Uh...

Thank you.

Uh... Oh! I'm sorry. We... we have, uh...

Where do I look? No. No.

I'm gonna get it for you, all right?

I'll even make copies, uh, uh, for both of you

so you won't even have to come back.

Dodger, get in.

"Capuchins live in tropical forests.

"They eat fruit, dry seeds, eggs,

insects, spiders..."

Ewww!

"Small animals, such as lizards... " yuck!

No way I'm letting you eat lizards.

From now on, you're on a low-yuck diet.

"The mother carries the infant

"until it can travel safely on its own.

The father may carry the young on its back."

Hmm.

We're not that different.

"The females in the social group may mate with different males.

Members may leave, and new members join in."

We're not different at all!

It's ok. He can't rat on us. He can't even talk.

Hey, Jack.

You want to meet somebody? Wait here, ok?

Come on out, dodger. Come on out. Come on.

See?

Isn't he cute?

Look. He's wearing a diaper, just like you. See?

Don't worry, dodger. This is my brother Jack.

Jack, dodger. Dodger, Jack.

You stay here and play while I read the rest of this stuff, ok?

Be good, dodger.

Eva: "Capuchins are at home in areas rich with trees.

They spend most of their time up in the branches."

Oh! Oh! Get it off me!

Sorry!

He's mine. Don't worry. Come here.

Oh, just take him, honey.

I'm sorry.

Ohh...

Ohhh...

Sorry.

Ohh...

Sorry.

Ohhh...

"Some monkeys are afraid of water.

All monkeys are afraid of snakes."

Hmm.

Oh, don't be a sissy.

"The adult monkeys spend much time

"grooming one another's fur.

"They enjoy this physical contact,

which is also described as social grooming."

Yeah!

Shh.

Tom. Come here, sweetie.

Come see this.

Look.

What have we done, right? Honey, this is major.

Yeah. Oh, sweetheart.

Eh, uh... It says "only Jack allowed."

I'm her mother.

Mom!

Honey. Honey. It's just me. It's ok.

You're just having a bad dream, sweetheart.

Lay down. There you go. Go back to sleep.

Go back to sleep. Good girl.

Good night, baby.

Dodger.

Are you ok?

Where are you?

Oh, ok. Good night.

Bye, eva.

Bye.

Thank you.

Annie?

Yes?

I have to go to my dad's for the weekend, and...

that's great.

So you won't have to worry about hiding dodger, right?

Uhhh... Right.

Want to go to the park?

I can't. I have to go home and think.

How can I leave him here?

What should I tell dad?

How can I make this better?

Hello.

Eva: Me and dad one on one for 2 whole days.

It's going to be impossible. Oh, dodger.

Eva, your dad's on the phone!

Eva, did you hear me?

Don't come in here. I'm coming!

What am I going to do? I'm ok. Stay calm.

Hey, maybe I shouldn't be ok.

Sick! Toxic! 104!

Hey, pal, stay here. I'll be right back.

Hello, dad.

Peter: Baby, what's wrong? You sound awful.

Oh, I feel awful.

Oh. Well, then maybe I don't have such bad news after all.

Bad news? What bad news?

Well, I was calling to say I can't see you this weekend.

Yeah. See, they switched my flight schedule all around

just a few hours ago... it was a last-minute thing...

and I'm already at the airport, and I have to be in Vancouver till Monday.

Anyway, if you're so sick...

Oh, I'm feeling better. Thanks.

Listen, sweetheart. I'll make it up to you, ok? I mean it.

Don't worry. Don't worry. I love you.

I love you, too, baby.

Now hang up and let me leave a message for mom, ok? I'm gonna call back.

Bye.

Amy, listen, it's Peter.

Um, I know this is last-minute,

but they switched my flight schedule all around, as per usual,

and I have to fly to Vancouver this weekend,

so I really need you to cover for me with eva.

Um, I'll make it up to you. I appreciate it.

Have a great weekend with eva. Bye-bye. Thanks.

Machine: I will erase your message.

Hello?

Eva: Katie, it's me.

I'm not speaking to you.

Who cares? I want to talk to your mom.

Oh, so what's the scoop for the weekend?

Oh, I'm going to dad's.

Yeah, Tessa told me that he called, but I didn't get a message.

Oh, I took care of everything.

Yeah, he said he'll be waiting for me.

Oh, mom, Katie's going to the beach for the weekend,

so she can drop me off if you want.

It's a good idea. I'll call missy after dinner.

Hi!

So glad you're doing this.

No, that's ok. I'll just take it in back.

All right.

Uh, excuse me.

Ok.

Bye.

That baby is getting so big.

I know. Thanks again.

Say bye-bye. Say bye-bye.

Hey, what's the matter with you guys?

You're so quiet.

Maybe we don't have anything to say to each other.

¶ I gotta bust my mind, I got a bus ticket ¶

¶ gotta do it right now, gotta put on the man ¶

¶ I sure look funny, but I got lots of money ¶

¶ spending lots of my time in the land of honey ¶

¶ doin' my thing, doin' that dance ¶

¶ rappin' a little rhyme, do the funk-funk down ¶

¶ take it from the top, getting real high ¶

¶ talking to my homies, won't tell no lie ¶

¶ jumpin' in the hood, messin' with the goods ¶

¶ like any "a" student ¶

¶ but you're looking real pretty ¶

¶ girls to the left, girls to the right ¶

¶ cruisin' in my trucktop, ride all night ¶

¶ girls to the left, girls to the right ¶

¶ cruisin' in my trucktop, ride all night ¶

¶ ridin' with mico, Mick, and Jackie ¶

¶ and you don't play, you know what I got to say ¶

don't scream.

That's better.

Would you please get back in your seats

and put your seat belts on?

He's so cool. You found him in the park?

¶ Girls to the left, girls to the right ¶

¶ cruisin' in my trucktop, ride all night ¶

¶ girls to the left, girls to the right ¶

¶ cruisin' in my trucktop, ride all night ¶

bye!

Have fun!

Dodger, you don't have to hide. Come on, get out.

That's easy.

There we go.

Oh, no! It's locked!

But he never locks it.

That's it. We're locked out.

He's totally trying to get us in!

Dodger, let me in!

Let me in.

You're unreal!

Now it opens!

Come on, dodger. Let's go get some food. I'm starved.

He didn't shop because he wasn't going to be here.

And I didn't bring any money because I'm stupid.

Yummy.

Everybody on the boardwalk does it.

Dodger, let's go make money.

Boy, you're really excited.

I knew you'd love it here.

No, dodger!

No!

Come on.

You don't have to hide down here.

Hey, today, you're going to be the special attraction.

Come on. Come on out. Good boy.

Come on, good. There you go.

Enjoy yourself.

Is this place too crowded for you?

Why are you so scared?

Bet you've never been to a beach before, huh?

There's nothing to be afraid of.

That's the echo man. Let's go check him out.

Echo man: Ask not what your country can do for you...

Ask what you can do for your country.

Boy, he's good, huh? Let's go back on the path.

Man: Hey!

Oh, jeez!

Where did you go?!

Stop!

Move!

You all right?

Please get my skateboard.

Don't worry. I'll go get it.

Thank you, jackass.

Stop!

That's my monkey! Don't let him fall!

Give me those! Give me those!

I hate your face! Gimme those.

Aah! Sit still.

Where the hell you been?

You're supposed to stay in touch,

let us know how the training's going.

Does it got to be now? Training's great.

I'm trying to get in shape myself. Jogging, you see?

Come here.

I got the boss breathing down my neck about this monkey thing now.

I'm about to lose my job. I gotta know.

Can I depend on you?

I'm sorry.

I didn't want you to worry. The monkey gots a cold.

What do you mean a cold?

Nothing serious.

We was training at the vet's.

It's all under control.

Control? What are you talking about? Hey, whoa!

Come here. How sick is he?

Dodger, I can't do this.

Eva: Dodger!

Oh, eh...

Oh, no, thanks. I don't take cameras.

Cash only. Understand?

You take picture, please?

Oh, ok, sure.

Here you go.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Thank you.

A whole dollar?!

Dodger!

A buck!

Whoo! Yes!

Thanks.

Thank you.

From the pirates of the Caribbean...

Give a hand to dodger... the best monkey in the world!

Pet him for a quarter. Pictures for a buck.

Rub his head and get good luck.

Not my head, the monkey's.

My wallet's gone! I had it right here.

I had it right here.

There was a pickpocket in the crowd.

I saw him. He was right here!

Did you see him? Yeah, there was a guy standing right here.

Let's go this way.

Dodger, it's ok. We got enough.

You're brilliant, you know that?

Mr. Big wants to see a dry run

before we get anywhere near the mahler estates.

See? That's it there.

Right there.

The old broad kicked off and left behind

a fortune in rare coins and jewels.

The estate sale's Thursday.

We'll let them get organized, lay out the goods,

then the monkey will drop in

and do some shopping Wednesday night.

I can handle Wednesday.

Stop it!

They know my daddy here.

Cash, check, or credit card?

Huh?

Just regular money.

19.85, please.

Boy: Do you want a separate bag for these, ma'am?

Here's your change, ma'am.

Little girl,

can I see what you got in your backpack?

No. Why?

I know her dad.

He's got a charge account here.

I just want to see what you got inside.

It's personal.

Where's your dad?

He's at the store across the street.

What's going on?

I think this little girl has been shoplifting.

No, no! You have it wrong!

I didn't steal anything.

Then why don't you want me to look into your backpack?

Huh?

Hmm?

Look, hon...

We all make mistakes.

All I want you to do is walk up an aisle,

and if there's anything you forgot to pay for in your backpack,

just leave it there.

If you do, I'll forget this entire thing.

He must have an animal detector or something.

Oh, dodger.

What have you done?

You made me a thief.

Get back to work.

Why did you have to do that?

Huh?

If they caught you, I'd have to get rid of you.

Don't kiss up to me now.

You have no idea what you did, do you?

Yeah, you should hide in there...

And think about what a bad little monkey you've been.

Oh, my God.

This is from those people at the beach.

Oh, my God!

This is horrible!

He's a break-in artist, too.

He knew exactly how to get in this house.

I bet you don't even know what stealing means.

The books never said anything about you being a thief.

You do it because it's how somebody taught you.

Whoever it was, I hate them.

I'm going to dis-teach you.

Starting tomorrow,

I will dis-teach you

to unlearn everything those jerks taught you.

Ok, dodger.

I want you to take this bag here

and fill it with toys.

Toys... happy things.

Ok?

This is not going to be easy.

I said the toys.

Come here.

This is no!

No good, dodger!

No!

This is good. Yes!

My monkey, yeah, on the little girl's bike.

Did you see where they went?

Yeah, they, uh...

They were going towards Ralph's.

That's no!

No!

That's bad! No!

She put the monkey in her backpack.

In front of the market.

Which market?

That one. There.

This is good.

Yes.

Good.

Good.

This? Yucky.

No good.

This is good.

Yeah.

Yes.

Good. Good.

Good.

Don't... Move.

Uh!

Don't think about it, Buster.

Hey!

Put it back!

I said no!

Can you imagine?

She stole from me,

totally ripped me off.

I caught her in here yesterday trying to shoplift.

My boss let her go.

Didn't even tell her dad.

Gee, if I knew where she lived...

I'd go talk to her old man.

Right now.

Well, I know him. He's single.

I mean, he's divorced.

He has a charge account here.

I can get you the address.

227 hillcrest.

Hold on.

Dad, you still in the shower?

He can't pick up right now.

But he said just... Bring the cab.

Ok. Bye. Thanks.

Huh?

It can't be the cab guy already.

I just called them.

Maybe if we just ignore them, they'll go away.

Hello?

Are you there?

Anybody home?

Hey.

What... What's wrong?

Why are you so scared? You're shaking all over.

Shh!

Shh! It's ok.

Ok. Shh!

Come on.

We'll go downstairs, take a peek.

Aah!

It's the pirate!

Open up!

I need to talk to you!

Dad, come down here!

Someone's trying to get in!

Get your father, girl!

He's busy!

Or maybe he ain't there at all!

Come on, dodger. Come with me.

Little girl...

Don't be afraid.

I only want to talk with you.

Where are you, darlin'?

I'm running out of patience here!

What are you doing?

He's here!

Dodger, get in!

Driver!

Wait!

Bye, dad! See you in a couple of weeks!

Yikes!

Go!

We don't take minors.

Company rules.

I'm not a minor! I'm in a major hurry!

Please... Go!

You got money?

Right here. See?

Ok.

Go!

Bye, dad!

Please don't find me! Please don't find me! No, no, no, no, no!

Go faster! Go!

How much faster?

This much!

Ohh!

Ah-aah!

Ah...

Aah!

Awesome!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

It worked!

They're beeping me.

Must be my lawyer.

I'll be right back.

Woman: Hello?

Who's this?

I beg your pardon?

Did you beep me?

Oh, is this Dr. Stevenson?

We've paged you in reference to your missing monkey.

Oh, yes.

Dr. Stevenson... speaking.

Hi, sweetheart. Where's Peter?

He was, uh, late for a game or something. Where's mom?

She's with Jack over at nanny's party.

Wait. You dropped something.

What is this?

I don't know. How am I supposed to know? It's not mine.

Ok.

I'm just tired.

I'm watching the ball game. You want to watch with me?

It's the... your Dodgers are playing the pirates.

What?

What's wrong?

Uh, the first time was right here in the park,

with the little girl...

And the same day, mother lost her earrings.

Sounds like it could be my monkey.

Do you know where the girl lives?

I'm afraid we don't.

You said you saw the monkey the first time.

When was the second time?

Uh, th-that was at the pet store,

uh, right down the street there.

He doesn't look like a doctor.

Amy...

Something's up with eva.

I did something I thought was ok,

but only it turned out not to be ok.

And now it's out of control,

and I want to undo it, but I don't know how.

No matter what you've done,

you have to tell your parents.

Go to your mom and you talk to her.

Don't be afraid.

I've been lying too much.

Well, then, telling the truth

is the only way to make it better.

Ok?

No, no, no. Store closed.

You can't come in.

I'm just going to get my monkey. Who are you?

I am from the laundromat next door.

Where's Annie?

She's not here. She had to go to the police station in a hurry.

What happened?

Some guy came in here and stole from her.

Where's my monkey?!

I don't know anything about any monkey!

Dodger!

Dodger!

Annie was keeping my monkey for me!

All I know is some horrible man came in, stole some things,

got her terribly upset,

and she had to run off and report it all to the police.

He found us.

He came and took my poor little dodger.

Dodger.

If you help me, I'll give you more money.

Yeah, right.

Cross my heart.

Right now, he's mad at me.

He's all worked up.

I need you to calm him down.

Mom?

Mom.

Eva.

I need to talk to you. I'm in such big trouble.

Yeah, I'd say you were in trouble, eva.

Amy: We found it in your room.

I never saw this stuff before, mom.

I didn't steal anything.

It's my monkey.

My monkey did it.

Eva, what are you talking about?

We haven't seen any monkey.

That's because I've been hiding him.

And then I found out that he steals like a maniac.

And today I went to go pick him up at the pet shop,

but the trainer...

He took him back.

My poor dodger.

I tried to stop him from stealing, but he wouldn't and then...

Tom, could you please help me? Please, I really need your help.

Eva,

sweetheart,

start from the beginning,

and it's best to tell us the truth, ok?

It is the truth!

No!

Ok. I'll call the pet shop.

Yeah, sure.

No, no, no, no, no! Wait...

The man who is there now

doesn't know anything about my monkey,

'cause Ann had to leave after the pirate...

eva, that's enough. Just stop it!

Ho ho ho ho! There he is! On time!

Ha ha ha ha!

This is it, my friend.

One step away.

Charlie, give him the jewels so he can practice.

All the boss wants to do is see the monkey in action.

Loot for the demo.

Get over here. Why did he do that?

Why did you did that?

What's wrong with you?

This ain't time for joking around. Ha ha ha ha!

You guys got a wallet?

Drake: What's going on here, huh?

He's ready for you guys.

Ju-just a second.

Now, Drake.

Don't move.

Drake: Relax.

Please let me show you.

He's right out here.

Hey, uh, boss...

Boss, we got a problem.

What did she do to him?

Years of training wrecked.

Wait till I get my hands on her.

Of course I haven't seen a monkey.

She hasn't seen him because I've been hiding him in my backpack.

Hey, Amy.

Peter. What are you doing here?

Peter: I was just in the neighborhood doing errands,

and I thought since I'd missed eva on the weekend,

what do you mean, missed her? I'd pick her up...

Amy, I was flying all over Canada last weekend.

You didn't get my message?

What's wrong?

Peter: Amy, what's going on?

Where have you been this weekend while your father was out of town?!

At his house.

What?

I just wanted to spend some time alone with my monkey.

What monkey? Sweetheart, where are...

Peter, she's been stealing all over town

and blaming it on some imaginary, invisible monkey.

Eva: Mom, I'm telling you, he is real!

Eva, go to your room, and I want you to stay there

until you're ready to tell us the truth.

But, mom... just go!

Excuse me, sir.

Something just jumped out of the back of your truck.

My monkey?!

Yeah, it was your monkey. He ran into the park.

Hey, wait! Wait!

I'm open!

Peter: But eva has always been so honest.

That's the thing.

I don't think she's ever lied to us before, do you?

Amy: It's not like her. She's not a thief.

Amy: I just can't believe that she would steal from me.

Peter: I can't, either.

Well, I've got the evidence,

but it doesn't add up for me, either.

Amy: I just find this monkey really hard to believe.

Go that way.

Can I speak to her?

Please, Tessa? Please?

Eva, Katie for you.

Ask her. She knows. She saw the monkey.

Ask her.

I already did. She said she doesn't know anything about it.

Amy: Well, we all agree that we need to hear her version one more time.

Yeah, but if she mentions the monkey again,

let's not focus on it.

We've got to try to get to the root of the problem.

I see it happen all the time.

The kid starts lying,

does something wrong,

next thing you know,

the parents are calling us to report a runaway.

Honey, I don't think it's that serious.

Jack, come on.

Eva doesn't want to play.

Eva, voice-over: To mom, dad, and tom...

Katie just told me she saw my monkey in the park.

I have to go rescue him.

P.S. This is not a lie.

I swear I'll never lie again,

and I'll never keep a secret from you guys again.

Love you... Eva.

Jack, what?

What?

Honey, I know eva's not in here.

I have to go look for her.

Monkeys.

Honey, what did you say?

Tom, Peter, hurry!

Jack, did you say what I think you said?

What's the matter? What's goin' on?

Amy: Shh! Shh! He's saying his first word.

Tom: Yeah? What did he say?

What did he say, Amy?

Come on, honey.

Tell me what you said.

What was it?

Tell mommy. Say it again.

Monkeys.

Don't you think he's trying to tell us something,

that a monkey was here and that he saw it?

No. I'll tell you what he's trying to tell us.

Here's your monkey.

Monkey.

Right, Jacko?

Yeah.

What?

We better go get eva.

What is it, honey?

I'm gonna go to the park, tom.

Ohh!

Amy: Honey! Oh, no way.

Oh, my God.

There's my honey.

Hey.

Monkey.

Yes. There's a monkey right there. You were right.

Dodger!

Dodger!

Aah!

What have you done to my monkey, sweetheart?

He's not your monkey anymore.

He ran because he hates you.

He came to me.

He came to you just 'cause he likes kids.

He belongs to my son mark,

who's around here somewheres looking like crazy for his monkey.

You stealed it from him.

Now, you don't want to break this poor kid's heart, do you?

You're a liar!

What did you do to my monkey?

You brainwashed him! He don't steal no more!

He doesn't?

Damn right. Don't pretend you ain't did it!

Don't you lie to me, girl.

I've quit lying!

I'm glad he doesn't steal anymore.

Good goin', dodger.

My monkey's name is fingers, not dodger!

I hate the damn Dodgers!

And now you'll help me find him.

Never!

Amy: Tom, you're not sneezing.

Yeah, well, he's lived with us so long,

I must have gotten used to him.

Call him.

No!

Tom, how could you let him get away?

I don't know. I thought he went back to you.

Let's just go look for eva,

and we'll look for the monkey on the way, ok?

Dodger?

Oh, dod... ooh!

Somebody, help!

Somebody!

Mmm!

What was that?

Tom? He took my gun.

Monkey took my gun!

Careful, dodger.

Careful!

Eva: No! Don't!

Good. Good.

Good.

Get away. Come on. Get away.

Get away.

Steady, fingers.

Come on!

Run! He's gonna get you. Run!

I love you.

Ah! He's lying.

Come on. Nice little girl.

Dork.

What a nice little girl.

She's my friend.

I love her so mu...

eh... Yehh!

Ooh! Ooh.

Eva?

Mommy!

Eva, you all right?

Oh, sweetie, are you ok?

Get in the car.

Please.

Get in the car!

I'm a poor gypsy.

"Please"? I'm gonna rip your eyes out of you. "Please."

Please don't hurt me.

Ok, pal!

You're under arrest.

Come over here.

Get out of here!

I've been trying to call you, officer.

These men are killers. They're trying to hurt me.

Oh. Ahh...

Mmm-wah!

I got him, cates. Thank you, your highness...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get up!

For saving my life!

Put your hands behind your back.

You have the right to remain silent.

If you give up the right to remain silent,

anything you say can and will be used against you

in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you can't afford an attorney...

Oh, ho ho! Ho ho! One will be appointed to you by the court.

Understand these rights as I've explained it...

what are you laughing about?

I'm not laughing! I'm crying!

Hey, lieutenant, check this out.

Isn't this your wife's pin?

Oh...

Oh! Hoo hoo hoo ho!

Ah, ha ha ha...

Yes, it is.

Oh!

Oh! Ha ha ha! Mmm-wah!

Ah! Thank you!

Book him.

Can I keep him?

Please?!

Now that you know how responsible I can be.

I took care of him so good, you didn't even know I had him.

Peter: You know, she's got a point.

Yeah, I do. I really do.

Mark: Fingers!

Get over here, fingers!

Tom: Amy!

Ha ha!

Oh, have I got good news for you.

What?

Oh, just, uh, pick a hand.

Come on.

Ohh!

Whoa! My ring!

Oh, my God! Honey, you found my ring!

He's your real dad, isn't he?

That's why you liked my hat.

Honey...

I love him a lot, you know.

Who cares? He belongs to me.

Let him choose.

Sweetheart, what happened?

Where's your monkey?

That's dodger's real dad.

We let him choose,

and he decided to go live with him.

Aw, baby, I'm sorry.

Can we go home now?

Yeah.

Sweetie... Sweetie, listen to me.

Come on, fingers.

Stop that!

It's ok.

It's ok.

You were so brave.

You did the right thing. I'm really proud of you.

Dodger!

Eva: Come on.

It's just my classroom.

What's the matter?

Come on. Don't be afraid.

This is our big day.

Come on.

Monkeys.

Yeah!

All gone?

Oh...

That's right. He was all gone.

But you found him, didn't you?

I love you, Jack.

Dodger, get down here.

Why don't you say hello to everyone first?

I'm ready for my show and tell.

Ok.

Ok, you guys ready?