Original subtitles

Femme Fatales 1x07 Haunted Original Air Date on June 24, 2011

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

The year was 1924.

Edward Lomax, the bored heir to a robber baron's empire

and obsessed with the work of Aleister Crowley,

acquired a genuine grimoire

during a trip to Eastern Europe.

The decadent fools were messing with a dangerous

ancient spell that opened a gateway to the underworld.

Do you really think you can summon an actual demon, Eddie boy?

I certainly hope so.

I paid that old gypsy plenty for this book.

The incantation didn't work.

That gypsy bitch swindled me.

Shut up and fuck me, you silly boy.

At last I'm free.

At last I'm free.

Abigail wrote these stories

down in her diary,

also claiming that she was possessed

when she killed Edward.

And then she killed herself.

Sounds to me like she was a paranoid schizophrenic.

Sounds to me like she needed a shrink,

a very good shrink.

Or maybe she was telling the truth.

The house has belonged to the Lomax family for centuries.

Ever since that night in 1924,

it's been associated with paranormal phenomena,

missing persons,

and a bizarre series of gruesome murders.

Psychics have wanted to investigate the house for years.

I am the first that they've allowed inside.

Was it your slammin' rep as a medium that sold them,

or do they just like hot PhDs?

Do you ever quit?

You'll have to excuse him, Dr. Brown.

He has a terrible affliction.

In Latin, I believe it's referred to as totalaous assaholous.

I believe the Lomax house is haunted...

and by the same demon

that Edward and Abigail summoned over 90 years ago.

I want to do a séance tonight

to prove once and for all that the skeptics are wrong,

and the spirits do live amongst us.

Why involve us then?

If it were up to me, I wouldn't,

but the property owner insisted.

You have a very popular show, your Fright Finders.

He wants you to go in and document everything that I find for broadcast.

The only thing we're gonna document is you making a fool out of yourself.

But the show will kill in the ratings

and make for a great panel at Comic-Con.

What do you guys say?

I guess we're in.

I hope we prove you right, Holly.

Lex wouldn't know a ghost if it bit him on the ass.

That remark would have really hurt my feelings, Susan,

if I had any.

Then it's settled. The owner will meet us there

in ninety minutes.

How could you be so sure we'd say yes?

I'm a psychic, remember?

♪ I've got my eye on you ♪

♪ I've got my eye on you ♪

♪ And I'm hooked, dear, too ♪

♪ Your fooling around's ♪

♪ Getting blood on my shoes, oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oa ♪

♪ I've set my sights on you ♪

♪ I've set my sights on you ♪

♪ I've got an alibi, too ♪

♪ So don't look around ♪

♪ I've got nothing to lose ♪

♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oa ♪

♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oa ♪

Five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms,

a swimming pool, and a bonus guest house...

This house would be a real steal,

if it weren't haunted.

But how can you prove that? Or disprove it?

And would you live in a house

with that kind of storied reputation?

Would you even spend one night?

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

We are about to enter the legendary Lomax House,

where famous medium and demonologist, Dr. Holly Brown,

will attempt to contact the spirits

that are rumored to have murdered over a dozen people here.

It could be the most dangerous assignment

that our crack team of supernatural investigators

has ever dared to tackle.

Cut.

Sweet.

This place looks like something out of an old Scooby-Doo episode.

"I woulda gotten away with it

if it wasn't for those meddling kids."

Zoinks!

What are you guys talking about?

Hi, Tom Lomax. I'm the owner of the place.

Really? I figured you'd be older.

Well, I inherited a couple years ago.

I can't rent it, I can't sell it.

Thanks to the fucking Internet,

everyone on the planet knows about its reputation.

I'm Lex.

These are my associates,

Susan and RJ.

Thanks for allowing us to document

this very important event

in the history of parapsychology. You can cut the crap.

You and I both know those stories

about my great-grandfather summoning demons,

it's nonsense.

Very unhealthy attitude, Mister Lomax.

You must be the psychic I talked to on the phone.

Holly Brown.

So tell me, is it true

that mummified bodies of seven men

were found in the house in 1968,

and that your family had it covered up by the police?

I don't really know anything about that.

I was born in 1980.

My uncle left me this place, along with a huge property tax bill,

which is why I need to sell it ASAP.

I'm hoping that after your show airs,

people will see it's just an ordinary house,

not the Amityville Horror,

and I can get some real offers.

What happens if we prove this home is really haunted?

I'll write a letter to Santa Claus and ask him to buy it.

Tell Santa that he still owes me an Optimus Prime from when I was 12.

Let's get the equipment inside pronto.

Don't worry, I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

You should be.

Infrared cameras ready.

EVP sensitive microphones online.

Magnetic flux ectoplasm detector

is activated and calibrated.

Broad spectrum radiation monitors

and laser thermometers ready.

Okay, let's get started.

Everybody take a seat.

Don't you need some glass beads and a chicken?

Maybe a Ouija board perhaps?

You watch too much television, RJ.

My spirit summoning tool is right here.

Everyone... join hands.

Everybody concentrate and help her.

I know that you're here.

I am the doorway.

I know that you're here.

I am the doorway.

Show yourself.

I know that you're here.

I am the doorway.

Show yourself.

I know that you're here.

I am the door way.

I know that you're here.

I am the doorway.

Show yourself.

I know that you are here.

I am the door.

Show yourself.

I know that you hear.

I am the doorway.

I know that you are here.

I am the door.

Show yourself.

Did we get that on camera?

Tell me the cameras kept working.

Dude, we are good.

This shit is gold.

Are you okay?

I think so.

Did you get anything?

Hell, yeah. We just got a clear-cut manifestation

right on camera.

That was incredible. How did you do that?

I've seen every medium trick in the book

but you are definitely the best.

Whatever that was wasn't a trick.

Now that I've verified the spirit's presence,

I'm gonna need your permission to clear the house.

"Clear the house"-- like an exorcism of the building?

Exactly.

Whatever it takes for you guys to certify

that the house is "ghost free" is fine with me.

Guys, I'm getting a little creeped out here.

Are you out of your mind?

This is the episode that's gonna get us off of basic cable

and onto the network.

I don't believe for a second this is real,

but Doc Brown here's the greatest show on Earth.

Come on, guys.

We finally have a chance to be real investigators here.

We're gonna sweep this place all night if we have to.

We're gonna collect all the data we can.

Do I make myself clear?

Okay, I need to locate the portal

where the demon crossed into our world...

and then send it back to hell.

All right, you want to believe in fairy tales?

I'll play dress up.

Full monitor and sweep till dawn.

I really hope we don't regret this.

Just fire up another doobie and you'll be fine.

I pay you to get the shit on tape, not to freak out.

Testing, testing.

Do you hear me?

I hear you, Lex. Copy that.

Let me know what you got eyes on.

Microphones and camera are online.

Fright Finders ready for action.

Tom?

Um, yeah. Do I know you?

Are you part of Lex's crew?

You look just like Edward.

Edward?

Your great-great grandfather, silly.

He was so handsome...

always knew just where to touch me.

Feels so good.

See?

Why are you doing this?

Why do you think?

I'm just paying you back for setting me free, Edward.

♪

RJ, are you picking that up?

Picking up what?

That song.

I don't hear anything.

This microphone must be broken

if you can't hear music this loud.

If the microphone is broken, Lex,

how come I can hear you?

♪

I just lost your signal, Lex.

You're offline, Lex.

Hello? Hello? Lex?

RJ, there's somebody out here, and I don't think it's Holly.

You see someone?

Where?

Right in front of me on the bench.

Can't you see her?

There's no one there, Suz.

Are you and Lex both dropping acid?

Or are you just trying to fuck with me?

She's right here, RJ. What are you talking about?

I just lost your signal, too.

Hello? Is anybody out there?

Can anybody hear me?

♪

♪

Susan? Lex?

I got nothing up here but white noise and snow.

So unless you're in the Yukon hunting Sasquatch,

this shit is never gonna get us off basic cable.

Lex?

Are you okay?

I heard all these voices.

All these people, they were...

How are you doing this?

This isn't me.

This is no trick, Lex.

It's real.

I found something.

It explains everything.

Come on, I'll show you.

Holly, wait.

I found this in a secret panel.

It must have belonged to Abigail.

What does it s?

It tells a story...

about a beautiful angel

who seduces the archangel Samuel,

and then something about it being a sin

to make love to an archangel...

so the angel was cast from heaven,

like Lucifer,

and thrown into the pit.

The pit's a place of hell...

fire and pain.

So the beautiful angel became a demon,

seeking only to escape her eternal agony.

I don't understand. What's that got to do with us?

She can only remain on Earth

by sucking the life out of men during sex.

Don't you see?

We've let her out.

She's somewhere in this house.

That's just a story. It can't be true.

You don't think so?

No.

Do you remember...

when you said that I was a hottie?

I meant it.

I've wanted from the first time I saw you.

Then show me.

You fuck like a demon.

Exactly.

Fuck this! I'm outta here!

Susan? RJ!

It's Holly's book. Have you seen her?

I haven't seen shit.

Monitors went down and I've been sitting around with my thumb in my ass.

Wait, so you haven't seen Lex or Tom either?

I thought they were all in here.

If what I read is true,

we gotta get everybody out of this house right now.

Fine with me. I never wanted to be here in the first place!

Go out to the guest house and see if you can find Holly.

I'll check upstairs. Okay?

Shouldn't we stick together?

No. No time. Now go!

Holly?

Holly?

Were you looking for me?

Yeah.

Susan's got your book.

She wants to bail outta here.

Does she?

I know you want to do this exorcism and everything,

but I think she's right.

We gotta get the hell out of Dodge.

I don't think that's going to be necessary.

Stay away from her, RJ.

She's possessed. She killed Lex and Tom!

What? They're both dead, RJ!

Don't be deprived.

You can have me if you want.

Thanks, but shouldn't we get to know each other a little first?

Let's start now.

I exorcise you, all foul breath,

all satanic powers,

all demons infernal,

all assembly and sector of the devil,

Holly?

What happened?

I'm not sure.

I think I just beat the hell out of you.

Thanks... I think.

Shit!

Sure glad to be out of that place.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Do you believe in ghosts or demons?

Do you think it possible for them to enter our world?

Maybe the next time you meet a girl

that seems too good to be true,

she may very well be the ultimate femme fatale.

♪ Don't follow the crowd ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a rebel ♪

♪ I don't follow the crowd ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a rebel ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Kill, Ubu. Kill.

Good fish.

Good fish.