Original subtitles

- RIGHT NOW, THE GALAXY IS BEING SAVED

BY HEROES.

- (GROWLING)

- "BONAFIDE HEROES" IS HOLO-RECORDED ON LOCATION

WITH THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE GALACTIC PROCTECTORATE.

GOOD EVENING.

I'M RUGGEDLY HANDSOME VETERAN SCREEN ACTION HERO

KIRK MANLORD.

WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION OF "BONAFIDE HEROES."

TONIGHT WE PROFILE

GALACTIC PROTECTORATE CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS,

A BONAFIDE HERO.

IT'S AN UNCOMPROMISING, UNPREDICTABLE RIDE,

JUST LIKE MY NEW MOVIE, "MANBEAST RAGEWAR IV,"

OPENING THIS FRIDAY.

AS OUR CAMERAS INVADE HIS PRIVACY,

WE'LL MEET HIS MOST TRUSTED FRIENDS,

HIS MOST HATED FOES,

AND SEVERAL LESS SIGNIFICANT FIGURES IN HIS LIFE.

FINALLY, CAPTAIN DODGERS HIMSELF WILL TELL US,

IN HIS OWN WORDS,

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A BONAFIDE HERO.

LIKE ME, IN MY NEW MOVIE, "MANBEAST RAGEWAR IV."

- (SNORING)

- HA HA HA! HA HA...

HA HA HA! HA...

HA HA HA!

HA...

WAKE UP! YOU ARE LAZY AND WORTHLESS!

HA HA! AND POWERLESS TO STOP ME!

YOU THINK I GO AWAY? BUT I'M STILL HERE!

HA HA!

YOU WANT PEACE AND QUIET?

TOO BAD! HA HA...

I'LL NEVER LET YOU SLEEP AGAIN.

HA HA!

NOT BROKEN. HA HA HA HA!

HA, HA, HA HA HA!

- CAPTAIN DODGERS

ISN'T REALLY AN EARLY BIRD. AND HE'S NOT

A NIGHT OWL, EITHER.

MORNING, NOON, AFTERNOON,

AND EVENING ARE ALL BAD.

HE'S OK AT DUSK.

SOMETIMES.

- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING, CADET?

- YES, SIR?

- WHY IS THERE A CAMERA CREW IN OUR KITCHEN?

- THAT'S THE "BONAFIDE HEROES" CREW.

- WHAT?

- "BONAFIDE HEROES." THE TV SHOW.

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU. WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?

- THEY'RE FROM "BONAFIDE HEROES."

- WHAT'S THAT? A CHARITY?

I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT AGAIN!

UNLESS THEY PROMISE TO MAKE ME IMMORTAL.

- NO, IT'S A TV SHOW.

THEY'RE HERE TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND,

REMEMBER?

- OK.

SO WHAT'S WITH THE CAMERA?

- IT'S A TV SHOW!

- WHY ARE YOU HERE?

- DODGERS IS HANDS-DOWN

THE WORST LISTENER WHO HAS EVER LIVED.

YOU'LL HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM,

AND MOMENTS LATER, HE WON'T RECALL A SINGLE WORD.

IT'S UNCANNY.

SWEET MOTHER! RUN!!

- (SCREAMING)

- PERFECT.

OK, I'M READY.

AND...ACTION!

THAT MEANS, "START ROLLING."

- THEY'RE ALREADY ROLLING, CAPTAIN.

- RIGHT, BECAUSE I SAID, "ACTION!"

AMATEURS.

- I'M STILL IN THE ROOM, CAPTAIN.

- HE MAY LOOK, TALK, AND EAT

LIKE AN UTTER BUFFOON,

BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE,

DODGERS IS A GENIUS.

PERHAPS THE ONLY THING DODGERS POSSESSES

IN GREATER ABUNDANCE THAN BRILLIANCE

IS BRAVERY.

- SO...

WHAT LIFE-THREATENING MISSIONS ARE ON OUR AGENDA TODAY,

MY EAGER YOUNG SPACE CADET?

- WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?

- HA HA HA! A FINE JOKE, YOUNG CHUM.

EVEN HEROES LIKE TO LAUGH NOW AND...HA HA!...THEN.

- ACTUALLY, IT'S A SLOW DAY.

- A SLOW DAY IN SPACE?

NONSENSE!

- UH, YEAH.

ANYWAY, WE'RE ON PATROL UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

- VERY WELL. ON MY MARK, PATROL!

- WE'RE ALREADY DOING THAT.

- RIGHT, BECAUSE I SAID, "PATROL!"

ANYTHING UNUSUAL ON OUR FLASHING THINGIES THAT SCAN STUFF, CADET?

- YOU MEAN THE SCANNERS? NO.

- NOW?

- AFRAID NOT, SIR.

- HOW ABOUT...

- ALL CLEAR, CAPTAIN.

- GOOD! THAT MEANS WE'RE DOING OUR JOB

AND DOING IT WELL.

CADET, ISN'T IT TIME FOR OUR SECRET MEETING?

- UH, WELL, I... WHAT SECRET MEETING?

- YES, WHAT SECRET MEETING INDEED.

WELL-PLAYED, CADET. LET'S GO.

I'M AFRAID THIS MEETING IS TOP SECRET, GENTS,

SO NO CAMERAS ALLOWED.

- OH, SORRY. IT'S A SECRET... A SECRET...A SECRET...

IT'S CLASSIFIED.

- DODGERS, A HERO?

(LAUGHS)

(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

- WHAT I'M SAYING IS, MY BEAUTIFUL FACE AND CHARISMA

MAY NOT BE ENOUGH TO CARRY THE SHOW.

WE NEED ACTION.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, MAKE UP A CRIS?

- THAT'S BRILLIANT. - OY. I WASN'T SERIOUS.

- WHO CARES? WE'RE DOING IT.

AND THEY'LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

OH, WAIT, WHO'S THAT INVISIBLE GUY

WHO JUST ESCAPED FROM PRISON?

- HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

- HEY, YOU CAN'T MISS EVERYTHING,

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY.

- THEY CALL HIM, "CAMOMAN."

- "CAMELMAN"?

- NO, "CAMO," AS IN CAMOUFLAGE.

- DOES HE LOOK LIKE A CAMEL?

- NO, IT'S CAMO. C-A-M-O.

AND HE'S NOT INVISIBLE,

HE JUST BLENDS INTO HIS SURROUNDINGS.

LIKE A CHAMELEON.

- SO WHY NOT CALL HIM, "THE CHAMELEON"?

- BECAUSE THAT NAME'S ALREADY TAKEN.

- BY WHO? - BY THE CHAMELEON.

- WELL, THAT'S OUR GUY.

I MEAN, IF YOU CAN'T SEE HIM, AND WE SAY HE'S HERE,

WHO'S TO SAY HE'S NOT?

- ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING BRAIN.

- AND IF WE CAN GET HIM TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO "CAMELMAN,"

IT'LL BE PERFECT!

- CAPTAIN, THIS IS A MONUMENTAL VIOLATION OF ETHICS.

- ETHICS? THIS IS TV, CADET. THERE ARE NO ETHICS IN TV.

- GOOD POINT.

- HEY, IT FINALLY WORKED!

ARE THERE ANY UNAUTHORIZED INTRUDERS

ON BOARD THE SHIP, CADET?

- NO. - CADET!

- (SIGHS)

I MEAN, YES, CAPTAIN,

THERE IS AN INTRUDER ON BOARD THE SHIP.

- GREAT SCOTT! AN INTRUDER!

ARE YOU PICKING UP ANYTHING UNUSUAL

ABOUT THIS HIGHLY DANGEROUS INTRUDER?

- OH, YES. ACCORDING TO MY MAGIC FAIRY WAND,

THE INTRUDER IS INVISIB...INVISIB...

YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH HIM.

- GREAT SCOTT! RIGHT THROUGH HIM!

THAT IS UNUSUAL.

WHY IT MUST BE THE INVISIBLE CAMELMAN!

"A CRIM...A CRIMINAL WHO RECENTLY ESCAPED

"FROM THE GALACTIC PROTECTORATE PENITENTIARY,

"AND IS ABLE TO BLEND INTO HIS SUR...

SURROUNDINGS AT WILL."

AND WHERE ON THE SHIP IS THIS MYSTERIOUS CAMELMAN, CADET?

- IT'S "CAMOMAN," AND MY CRYSTAL BALL SAYS

HE'S ON THE DECK OF LIES AND DECEIT.

OR THE CARGO BAY.

- THE CARGO BAY!

WHAT A FITTING SETTING FOR A CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN

WITH AN ELUSIVE, UNSTOPPABLE FOE, HMM?

- UH, YEAH. SHOULD WE GO DOWN THERE,

OR ARE WE PRETENDING TO DO THAT, TOO?

- KNOCK IT OFF!

ALL RIGHT, NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T USE THAT LAST PART.

NO, OR THIS.

- (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE KILLING ME!

- YES, I'M DODGER'S ARCHENEMY.

BUT I'M ALSO SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

FOR INSTANCE,

I'M A NOVICE GOURMET CHEF.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

AND I SCULPT CLAY UNICORNS.

- (SNICKERING)

- BUT MY TRUE PASSION IS SINGING.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A SONG?

- LET'S JUST SAY THE COMMANDER IS TO SINGERS

WHAT DODGERS IS TO CAPTAINS.

THEY'RE BOTH APPALLING.

CENTURIONS, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAVE WONDERFUL SINGING VOICES.

IN FACT, WE ALL HAVE THE SAME VOICE.

-DON'T YOU AGREE? - YES, I DO.

- HE'S VERY SMART. - AND VERY WELL-SPOKEN.

- THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE HIM TO SPEAK FOR US.

- REALLY, DID YOU? - I DID, TOO.

- (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

A HERO!

OH, MOMMY, MAKE IT STOP!

- WE SHOULD ORGANIZE THIS STUFF.

- IT IS ORGANIZED. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

- THERE HE IS. DO YOU SEE HIM?

- CAMOMAN? OH, YEAH, I SEE HIM.

YEP, THERE HE IS, ALL RIGHT.

- STAY HERE. I'LL HANDLE HIM.

JUSTICE IS BLIND, CAMELMAN, BUT I'M NOT!

I SEE YOU, AND YOU'RE GUILTY!

- OH, HE WORKED ON THAT LINE FOR AN HOUR.

- HAH!

OOF! UNH! OOF! OH!

OHH! OOF!

- GUESS WHO GETS TO CLEAN THIS UP?

- NOT BAD, CAMELMAN!

- OW!

- BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

(CRASH)

- LET'S SEE HOW EASY IT IS FOR YOU

TO TURN INVISIBLE AND ESCAPE FROM PRISON THIS TIME!

- WELL DONE, SIR.

MAYBE CAMOMAN HAS A MESSAGE FOR THE VIEWING PUBLIC.

- HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, CADET.

YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING I TRAMPLE ON HIS RIGHTS, ARE YOU?

- UH, NO, BUT HERE'S A SUGGESTION:

HELP CLEAN UP THIS ABSURD MESS YOU MADE!

- I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING, CADET.

DOING EVERYTHING IS YOUR JOB.

- SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE'S MORE?!

- HEROIC STUFF.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE HEROIC STUFF,

INCLUDING A PREVIEW OF "MANBEAST RAGEWAR IV,"

AFTER THESE MESSAGES.

STAY FROSTY.

- (MEN SHOUTING)

- ARE THEY MEN, SIRE?

- THEY'RE NOT JUST MEN, McCHIRPY.

THEY'RE MANBEASTS.

- AYE! IT'S GOING TO BE A WAR, THEN.

- NOT JUST A WAR, OLD FRIEND.

A RAGEWAR!

NOW, GO GET THEM!

- BY MESELF?

- WELCOME BACK TO "BONAFIDE HEROES."

I'M KIRK MANLORD,

AND THAT WAS A PREVIEW OF "MANBEAST RAGEWAR IV."

HERE WITH ME IS MY SIDEKICK IN THE MOVIE, McCHIRPY.

- ACTUALLY, I'M GEORGE McCULLESS,

AND I PREFER "CO-STAR."

- GLAD TO HAVE YOU, McCHIRPY.

AND NOW WE RETURN TO CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS,

BONAFIDE HERO.

- MY NAME IS GEORGE! GEORGE!!

- AFTER CATCHING BAD GUYS,

THERE'S NOTHING I LIKE TO DO MORE

THAN UNWIND WITH MY AXE.

- DODGERS IS THE WORST GUITAR PLAYER IN EXISTENCE.

HE SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS.

HE'S THAT BAD.

HE'S A PUNK. REALLY.

- YUP, JUST ME AND MY AXE.

(SPROING)

- UH, YEAH.

- OH, HELLO, CAPTAIN DODGERS.

DR. I.Q. HI HERE.

- YEAH, WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

- YES, WELL, I HEAR CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER

FOR YOUR CAPTURE OF CAMOMAN.

SO, CONGRATULATIONS.

- THANKS, CHIEF.

JUST ANOTHER DAY ON THE JOB.

- RIGHT. SO, GOOD JOB.

- UH-HUH.

WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANTED?

- UM...NOT THAT I CAN THINK OF.

- OK, BYE. - NO, NO, WAIT!

- DODGERS, OLD PAL.

KUDOS ON THE CAMOMAN COLLAR.

WHY, IT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME THAT I, STAR JOHNSON,

SINGLE-HANDEDLY NETTED AN INVISI-COUGAR

USING NOTHING BUT A SHOELACE.

OH, YES, TINY THOUGH IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,

IT WAS WRAPPED NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE,

BUT THRICE AROUND THAT ANIMAL'S NECK,

AND PI...

- I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT WAS.

- SIR, WE'RE BEING HAILED AGAIN.

- NO MORE CALLS, CADET.

I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH PRAISE PER DAY.

- BUT, SIR, IT'S CAPTAIN SOLEIL.

- AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

YEAH, CAPTAIN AURORA SOLEIL

AND I HAVE QUITE A HISTORY.

SHE HAD A CRUSH ON ME

FROM THE DAY I MET HER.

- HAVE I EVER HAD A CRUSH ON CAPTAIN DODGERS?

NOT THAT I'M AWARE OF.

- WE DATED FOR MONTHS... YEARS, I MEAN.

SHE WAS OBSESSED WITH ME.

- GO OUT WITH HIM? YOU MEAN, ON A DATE?

NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

NEVER! NOT EVEN ONCE!

NO, NEVER! EVER!

- WHEN SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER,

I HAD TO BREAK IT OFF.

DUCK DODGERS IS A LONE WOLF, A FREE BIRD, A HAN SOLO...

- WHAT IN BLAZES IS GOING ON HERE?!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY YACHT?

- MARRY HIM? ARE YOU INSANE?!

WHO SAID THAT?! LET ME SEE YOUR NOTES.

- OH, HELLO, AURORA.

- CAPTAIN DODGERS, ARE YOU...

- CALL ME "SHNOOKUMS," BABY CAKES.

- CALL ME "CAPTAIN SOLEIL," CAPTAIN DODGERS.

ARE YOU CLAIMING YOU'VE CAPTURED CAMOMAN?

- CLAIMING, NOTHING! WE GOT HIM!

- REALLY? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TRACKING CAMOMAN FOR WEEKS,

AND MY SOURCES SUGGEST HE'S STILL AT LARGE.

- SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED BETTER SOURCES.

- MY SOURCES INCLUDE A LASER RETINAL SENSOR

PLACING CAMOMAN ON A MILKY WAY CRUISE LINER

8 MINUTES AGO.

WITH 99% CERTAINTY.

- SOUNDS THIN.

IF HE REALLY WAS THERE, WHY DIDN'T YOU BAG HIM?

- HE DISAPPEARED. HE DOES THAT.

- HI, AURORA. YOU LOOK LOVELY TODAY.

- THANK YOU, CADET. SO DO YOU.

- HEE HEE HEE...OOH!

- CAPTAIN, I'D LIKE TO SEE CAMOMAN.

(CRASH)

- SO WOULD I, BUT NO ONE CAN SEE HIM.

THAT'S HIS THING, REMBER?

- YOU CAN IF HE STANDS NEAR PLAID.

HE CAN'T MIC PLAID.

BUT I'M SURE YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT.

- OF COURSE.

CADET, FETCH THE PRISONER AND MY KILT.

(IMITATES STATIC)

OH, NO, LOOKS LIKE TRANSMISSION IS BREAKING UP!

- NO, THE TRANSMISSION IS FINE.

- CALL YOU BACK. BYE!

- DODGERS, DON'T YOU DARE HIT...

- WHEW.

- SIR, WE HAVE AN UNAUTHORIZED INTRUDER

IN THE EVAPORATION ROOM.

- A REAL ONE?

UH, I MEAN, ANOTHER ONE?

ON SCREEN!

- (EVIL LAUGHTER)

- SIR, IT MUST BE...

- A MALFUNCTION!

DARN CHEAP SHIP.

OH, UH, CADET?

- TIME FOR ANOTHER SECRET MEETING?

- YOU GOT IT.

- I DON'T KNOW A DUCK DODGERS.

- WRONG! - OF COURSE!

I'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS WITH DUCK DODGERS SINCE BIRTH!

- NO!

- PSST! DID YOU KNOW THAT OPENING YOUR OWN TOLLBOOTH

ON A PUBLIC ROAD IS ILLEGAL?

ISN'T THAT WEIRD?

- NO!!

- HI, OFFICER. YOU LOOK GREAT IN BLUE.

CAN I WEAR YOUR BADGE?

- SIR, CAMOMAN IS ON THE SHIP. WE HAVE TO CATCH HIM.

- NO, WE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM.

- WE CAUGHT THE PRETEND CAMOMAN.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE REAL CAMOMAN.

- CADET, AS FAR AS THOSE CAMERAS ARE CONCERNED,

THE PRETEND CAMELMAN IS THE REAL CAMELMAN.

- CAMOMAN! CAMOMAN!!

- WHATEVER. WE COMMITTED TO A STORY LINE.

WE CAN'T CHANGE IT NOW. IT'S UNPROFESSIONAL.

- HARBORING AN ESCAPED FELON ISN'T?

- NO. BESIDES, IF WE IGNORE HIM, I BET HE'LL JUST GO AWAY.

- SO WE'RE PRETENDING THE REAL CRIMINAL ISN'T HERE,

BECAUSE WE PRETENDED A PRETEND CRIMINAL WAS HERE FIRST?

- DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT, BUT YES.

- THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

- CADET, IT'S TV.

- YOU WIN.

- GREAT. I'VE GOT AN IDEA FOR OUR NEXT SCENE.

LET'S HIT THE GYM.

- HIT THE GYM? YOU?

(MUTTERING)

- (EVIL LAUGHTER)

- I GAVE UP BOUNTY HUNTING BECAUSE OF DODGERS.

ACTUALLY, DODGERS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT,

BUT YOU'RE FREE TO SAY HE DID IF YOU WANT.

- UNH!

- EAT ON YOUR OWN TIME, FRANK!

- OOH! AHH! OHH!

WHEW, WHAT A WORKOUT!

I REALLY PUSHED IT TODAY.

- YEAH, YOU'RE PUSHING IT, ALL RIGHT.

- LOOK AT ME! I'M DRENCHED IN SWEAT!

- YEAH, SWEAT.

- I SAID "SWEATING"

NOT "SWIMMING!"

- WHY DON'T YOU DO IT THEN?

- YEAH, GOT TO KEEP MYSELF IN SHAPE

TO TAKE DOWN SCUM LIKE CAMO GUY.

NOT THAT HE WAS A CHALLENGE.

I EAT BAD GUYS LIKE HIM FOR BREAKFAST.

I ALSO EAT BACON!

- UH, CAPTAIN?

- NOT NOW, CADET. I'M RUMINATING.

- BUT, SIR...

- LATER! THAT'S AN ORDER!

AND PUT A LITTLE MORE MAGIC IN THOSE FINGERS, WOULD YOU?

HONESTLY, MY WORK IS NEVER DONE.

MUCH BETTER.

YOU SEE, THE KEY TO LEADERSHIP IS YELLING.

AND BACON.

OH, IS IT TIME FOR A MIRROR BREAK?

- NO, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S A SURPRISE.

- CADET, I LOOK AT A MIRROR EVERY TWO MINUTES.

NOTHING I SEE WILL BE A...SURPRISE?

- HI. - AAH!

IT'S CAMELMAN!

I'M STARTLED BECAUSE HE ESCAPED,

NOT BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

- GOOD COVER, SIR. - THANK YOU.

MAN, I'VE BROKEN LIKE 200 OF THESE.

I WONDER IF THAT'S BAD.

- DODGERS? YEAH, HE'S OK.

YOU GUYS WANT TO SHOOT ME LIFTING AN ENGINE BLOCK

OR RUNNING REAL FAST OR SOMETHING?

- I DON'T CARE IF THE SCANNERS SAY CAMOMAN IS DOWN HERE.

I JUST CLEANED THIS PLACE UP!

LET'S WAIT UNTIL HE GOES SOMEWHERE ELSE, HUH?

- LIKE WHERE, THE KITCHEN?

NAME ONE SHOW WHERE THE CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN

TAKES PLACE IN A KITCHEN.

- "IRON CHEF," EVERY EPISODE.

- NAME TWO.

- FINE, BUT CAN THIS BE THE LAST

CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN YOU HAVE TODAY?

- IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT. WE'LL SEE.

GOOD THING I SAVED THESE OLD WORK SUITS, HUH?

- WHERE DID YOU WORK,

AT THE SMALL AND SHORT MAN'S UGLY SUIT STORE?

- YES, WHY?

- UH, JUST CURIOUS.

- WE KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, CAMEOMAN!

- CAMOMAN!

- RIGHT! SO SHOW YOURSELF WHERE THE CAMERA CAN SEE YOU!

LIGHT THEM UP, CADET!

- HEY, GUYS, LISTEN!

LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

- READY, CADET?

- ALL SYSTEMS PLAID, SIR.

- NO, WAIT! THE REASON I'M HERE IS...

(CRASH)

- GIVE IT UP, CAMELMAN! YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

AND NEITHER ARE WE!

- FINE! THE ONLY REASON I'M EVEN HERE

- IS BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ON TV. - WHAT?!

- YEAH, I HEARD THEY WERE SHOOTING "BONAFIDE HEROES" HERE.

I LOVE THAT SHOW! KIRK MANLORD RULES!

- REALLY? THAT'S IT?

- I'M AN ESCAPED CONVICT.

WHY ELSE WOULD I BOARD A PROTECTORATE SHIP?

- YOU WANT TO BE ON TV, HUH?

- I'M A SNEAKY BAD GUY.

AND WHEN I BREAK THE LAW,

I KNOW ONLY ONE PERSON

CAN CATCH ME:

CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS,

THE SMARTEST, BRAVEST,

COOLEST...UH...

- HUNKIEST.

- REALLY? IS THAT EVEN A WORD?

...HUNKIEST HERO ANYWHERE.

HOW WAS THAT? GOOD?

- SOLID, BABE. THAT'S A WRAPPER.

- WAIT, WE'RE STILL DOING

THE HEROIC COOKING SEGMENT, RIGHT?

- NO.

- INSPIRING STUFF.

ON BEHALF OF McCHIRPY

AND EVERYONE AT "BONAFIDE HEROES,"

I THANK YOU FOR JOING US.

AND ORDER YOU TO GO SEE "MANBEAST RAGEWAR IV."

GOOD NIGHT.

- I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

- HOLD ON, KIRK!

I HAVE A FEW PARTING THOUGHTS BEFORE WE GO!

- ACTUALLY, THE SHOW'S OVER.

- OH, NO, IT'S NOT!

THIS SHOW AIN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER!

HEY!!

- CADET, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BRAIN?

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LEFT IT.

YOU'RE NOT ROLLING YET, ARE YOU?

- WELL, AS LONG AS THE LIQUID IS BLUE,

IT'S HARMLESS.

IF IT TURNS RED, WELL, I WILL HAVE 5 SECONDS TO LIVE.

♪ I AM A PIRATE KING ♪

- ♪ HE IS THE PIRATE KING ♪

- I STILL LOVE DUCK DODGERS.

BUT HE'LL NEVER, EVER KNOW.

IS THAT THING ON?

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY MADE DODGERS A CAPTAIN.

I'D BE A BETTER CAPTAIN THAN HIM.

I'VE GOT MY OWN HELMET.

- SO WHOSE VOICE DO YOU DO?

- YOURS.

- WELL, KEEP PRACTICING.

HOW ABOUT YOU, SLIM?

- (STAMMERING)

THINK ABOUT IT.

TH-TH-TH-TH UH, LINE?

- THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!