Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND ONE-HALF CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th

AND ONE-HALF CENTURY

- GREETINGS, DODGERS.

- I CAN'T SEE YOU. MONITOR MUST BE BUSTED.

HANG ON. I'LL FIX IT.

- NO, DODGERS, I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

- DID THAT DO IT? TALK TO ME.

- AHEM.

- AAH!

(CHUCKLES)

UH, WHERE'S THE REST OF THAT UNIFORM?

THAT MEANS IT'S TOO SMALL.

- YES. I GOT IT.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN WEARING THIS UNIFORM

ON MY ANNUAL RIDE-ALONG MISSIONS FOR YEARS,

AND IT'S NEVER FIT BETTER.

- BUT WEREN'T YOU JUST HERE FOR A RIDE-ALONG LAST WEEK?

- NO. THAT WAS LAST YEAR.

YEP, WE'RE WORKING SIDE BY SIDE AGAIN.

ISN'T THAT EXCITING?

- YEAH. EXCITING.

CADET!

- A LUNA MOTH, CAPTAIN?

OH, HELLO, SIR.

HAS IT BEEN A YEAR ALREADY?

IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY THAT YOU WERE HERE

SECOND-GUESSING MY EVERY MOVE.

- I KNOW. I CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED AGAIN.

NOW, REMBER, JUST TREAT ME LIKE ONE OF THE CREW.

WHAT'S MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT?

- WELL, AS YOU MAY RECALL,

I BELIEVE IN HANDS-OFF MANAGEMENT.

WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ASSIGNMENTS.

- I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME AN ORDER.

THAT'S AN ORDER.

- OK. MOP THE BRIDGE.

- NO. - FINE.

- RAKE THE SHIP'S LEAVES.

- THE SHIP DOESN'T HAVE LEAVES.

- TAR THE SHIP'S ROOF.

- WHY DON'T I JUST DRIVE THE SHIP?

- BUT THAT'S MY JOB.

WHICH IS WHY I'D BE HONORED IF YOU'D TAKE MY PLACE.

(GRINDING, BEEPING)

- OOH, WHAT'S THIS PLACE?

- UH, IT'S A GYM.

- GOOD. HE'LL NEVER LOOK FOR ME HERE.

NOW, HOW DO WE GET RID OF HIM FAST?

- WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN HE'S HERE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK?

- EXACTLY. HEY, WHAT IF WE MAKE HIM THINK

HE SAVED EARTH OR SOMETHING?

- WELL, THAT'S BETTER

THAN TRYING TO DITCH HIM AT THE ZOO LIKE LAST YEAR.

- WHAT'S THIS THING DO?

- SIR, NO. THAT'S A SPARRING ROBOT.

HE'LL BEAT YOU LIKE A RUG.

- RELAX. I'VE SEEN BOXING ON TV.

- DODGERS, STOP PRETENDING YOU EXERCISE

AND GIVE ME MORE ORDERS.

- YES, SIR.

- STAY DOWN, CHUMP.

YOU AIN'T NOTHING. STAY DOWN.

- HURRY UP.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG FOR I.Q. TO FIGURE OUT

THE ENERGY CORE ISN'T REALLY MAKING FUNNY NOISES.

- M-MESSED UP MY WORK STATION.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- COME ON, OLD BUDDY.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT SOMETHING?

- WELL, FOR ONE THING...

- ANYWAY, I NEED A FAVOR.

LISTEN, YOU KNOW HOW YOU GUYS

ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO ATTACK EARTH?

WELL, TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

- WHY? ARE YOU RETIRING?

- YOU KNOW, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

MOVE TO PHOENIX, OPEN A BAIT SHOP.

- TICK TOCK, SIR.

- RIGHT. WE NEED YOU TO PRETEND TO ATTACK THE EARTH.

THEN PRETEND TO LET I.Q. STOP YOU. DEAL?

- ABSOLUTELY NOT.

- YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, THEN?

- NO. THE ANSWER IS NO.

- GOOD. THEY'RE IN.

- YOU REALLY DO ONLY HEAR WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, DON'T YOU?

- SURE. I'D LOVE A MILKSHAKE.

- NO FUNNY NOISES, BUT I FOUND THIS.

- HEY, I LOST THAT BURRITO YEARS AGO.

- OF ALL THE NERVE.

ASKING US TO FAKE AN ATTACK.

WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

- WHICH IS WHY WE'RE GOING TO DO IT.

- WHICH IS WHY WE'RE...WHA...

- IT'S PERFECT.

THEY'LL THINK OUR REAL ATTACK IS A FAKE ATTACK.

BY THE TIME THEY REALIZE THE TRUTH,

IT WILL BE TOO LATE.

WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO OUTSMART DODGERS.

HA HA HA HA!

- ARE YOU SURE WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT BEFORE

MANY, MANY TIMES?

- I SEE YOU'RE SKEPTICAL, COMMANDER,

SO I'M GOING TO LET YOU DO THE ONE THING

YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.

- DRIVE A ZAMBONI?

WAIT. YOU MEAN...

SADDLE UP, CENTURIONS.

WE'VE GOT US SOME SPACE BISON TO WRANGLE.

YEE-HA.

- GIDDYAP, SIR.

- IS THIS THING WORKING?

- MAY I HELP YOU WITH THAT, SIR?

- OH, THANKS, BUT I CAN HANDLE THIS.

- ARE YOU SURE?

- YES, CADET, I'M QUITE SURE.

- JUST KEEP LOOKING.

MARS IS ABOUT TO ATTACK, DEFINITELY.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

- UH, I DON'T KNOW.

THE CADET KNOWS.

- WELL, UH, HOW DO YOU KNOW? - WHAT?

- IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOW CAN I KNOW?

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

- EXACTLY.

- (FARTS)

- OH, BOY, I'M STARTING TO THINK EATING THAT BURRITO

WAS A BAD IDEA.

- (MOOING)

- GET ALONG, YOU MANGY CURS.

- WHATEVER YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE HERE, BOY-O,

I PROMISE YOU THE PATH YOU'VE CHOSEN LEADS ONLY TO FAILURE.

- AW, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK.

- I AM LORD BISON,

EARL OF BUFFALO,

SCHOLAR, ARTIST,

AND NOBLE BISON.

- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A MINDLESS BEAST

THAT I HERD ACROSS THE COSMOS

ATOP MY TRUSTY STEED SLIPSTREAM.

- SORRY, LADDIE, BUT I'M AFRAID BEING HERDED

ISN'T QUITE MY CUP OF TEA.

- LOOK, I NEED YOU TO STAMPEDE EARTH.

WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE?

- OUR WARDROBES REQUIRE ENRICHMENT.

CASHMERE, SILK, TWEED.

GARMENTS OF SUCH FINERY WOULD CERTAINLY GREASE THE WHEEL.

- YOU WANT CLOTHES?

- CUSTOM TAILORED, IF YOU PLEASE.

- FINE, BUT THIS IS THE WORST ROUNDUP EVER.

- GENTLE BISON,

TODAY WE STAMPEDE LIKE BEASTS,

BUT TOMORROW WE DRESS LIKE MALE MOTHERS!

- (ALL SHOUT IN UNISON)

- IF WE'RE GOING CLOTHES SHOPPING, COMMANDER,

WE WOULD LIKE SOME NEW JEANS.

- BUT YOU DON'T HAVE LEGS.

- ALL THE MORE REASON TO WEAR JEANS, SIR.

- SIR, A LARGE CLUSTE OF UNKNOWN OBJECTS IS HEADED THIS WAY.

- LET ME SEE THAT.

DODGERS, A LARGE CLUSTER OF UNKNOWN OBJECTS

IS HEADED THIS WAY.

- STUPID MARTIANS. IT'S ABOUT TIME.

I MEAN, MARTIANS!

CHIEF, WE NEED YOU TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVE US.

- NO PROBLEM. LUCKY I WAS HERE, HUH?

- YEAH, LUCKY.

- DODGERS, I'LL NEED YOUR CHAIR.

- MY CHAIR? WHY?

- THAT'S THE BEST VANTAGE POINT

FOR TACTICAL BATTLE STRATEGY.

AND IT'S COMFORTABLE.

- BUT THIS IS THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR,

AND...AND I'M THE CAPTAIN.

- DODGERS, DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE THE EARTH OR NOT?

- WAIT. THE OBJECTS APPEAR TO BE STOPPING AT THE SHOPPING MALL?

- TAKE THEM OFF.

I'M NOT PAYING 300 ASTRO DOLLARS FOR A PAIR OF JEANS.

- STATUS REPORT, CADET.

- THEY'RE MOVING AGAIN AND APPROACHING THE PERIMETER, SIR.

- STATUS REPORT, CADET.

- I JUST GAVE IT.

- RIGHT. CARRY ON.

- PERIMETER SENSOR ON SCREEN.

- THOSE AREN'T MARTIANS.

THOSE ARE SPACE BISON.

- WHAT ARE THOSE MARTIANS TRYING TO...I MEAN, HOW SHOCKING.

- CADET, HEAD FOR THOSE BISON.

- WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WE'VE GOT SOME WRANGLING TO DO.

- IT WEREN'T EASY,

BUT THE BISON ARE HEADED TO EARTH, YOUR HIGHNESS.

- YES, I SEE THAT, COMMANDER.

IN FACT, THE BISON ARE HEADED TOWARDS EVERY PLANET

IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM,

INCLUDING MARS.

- THERE MUST BE A LOT MORE OF THEM THAN I THOUGHT.

- TURN THEM AROUND.

- I'LL NEED A CREDIT CARD WITH A HIGHER LIMIT FOR THAT, MY QUEEN.

- WHY IS THAT, COMMANDER?

AND WHY ARE THE CENTURIONS WEARING THOSE AWFUL PANTS?

- I TOLD YOU THESE PANTS WERE UGLY.

- WE'RE NEARING THE HERD NOW.

- GREAT. WHAT'S THE COMMAND FOR A FULL STOP AGAIN?

- FULL STOP.

- FULL STOP, CADET.

- RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

HE'S ACTUALLY WORSE THAN YOU ARE.

- I KNOW. DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE, DID YOU?

- NOW, LET'S SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.

- HOW?

- BY FLYING RIGHT AT THEM.

- YOU WANT TO PLAY CHICKEN WITH A HERD OF SPACE BISON?

- PRECISELY.

- THAT'S THE BEST IDEA YOU'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME, CHIEF.

- THANK YOU, DODGERS. FULL SPEED AHEAD.

- YOU HEARD THE MAN, CADET. HIT IT.

- THEY'LL TURN ANY SECOND NOW.

- YEP. ANY SECOND. - YEP.

- NOW WOULD BE GOOD. - YEP.

- SHOULD I ABORT?

- NO. THEY'RE GOING TO TURN. - YEP.

- THEY'RE NOT GOING TO TURN. - NOPE.

- TURN! STOP! DO ANYTHING! - YEP!

- SEE? THEY'RE HEADING HOME.

I NEVER DOUBTED IT FOR A SECOND.

QUITE A RUSH, EH, DODGERS?

- YEP.

- WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH SAVING THE GALAXY FOR ME.

I SHOULD HEAD BACK TO THE LAB.

UH, UNLESS YOU NEED ME.

- NO. I MEAN, NO ONE ELSE HAS YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITY, SIR.

WE NEED YOU DOWN THERE AND NOT UP HERE.

DEFINITELY NOT UP HERE.

- VERY WELL.

IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE SERVING WITH YOU AGAIN, GENTLEMEN.

DODGERS.

- YEP.

- I.Q. THINKS HE SAVED THE GALAXY AGAIN.

- AND THE COMMANDER THINKS HE NEARLY DESTROYED MARS.

HE'LL BE PUTTY IN MY HANDS FOR WEEKS.

- SO HOW MUCH DID IT COST THIS YEAR?

- IT WASN'T CHEAP.

THOSE BISON LOVE ANTIQUES.

BUT IF IT KEEPS I.Q. GROUNDED FOR ANOTHER YEAR,

IT'S WORTH EVERY PENNY.

- AMEN. SAME TIME NEXT YEAR?

- OF COURSE.

- SO WE FAKE IT.

DO YOU BLAME US?