Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- TONIGHT ON "EVIL ALERT DAILY,"

THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE HAS HIS EYES ON A NEW PRIZE,

"E.A.D." HAS AN EXCLUSIVE FRONT-ROW SEAT

FOR AN EXCLUSIVE PRESS CONFERENCE

FEATURING THE MOST EXCLUSIVE TROUBLEMAKER OF THEM ALL.

- MY NEXT TARGET WILL BE...

EARTH. IS THAT HOW YOU SAY IT?

ALSO, YES,

I AM DATING THE TOP 5 SUPERMODELS IN THE UNIVERSE...

AT ONCE.

THANK YOU.

- OK, YOU'RE ALL HOSTAGES UNTIL LUNCH,

AND WE HAVE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE HATS AND STICKERS FOR SALE.

- WHOA! STICKERS! - WHERE?

- THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE.

FEH! WHO'S HE THINK HE IS,

STRUTTING AROUND THE UNIVERSE LIKE HE OWNS THE JOINT.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMEBODY

WHO'S MORE IN LOVE WITH HIMSELF, CADET?

- UH, POSSIBLY, SIR.

- CONTACT I.Q.

WE'VE GOT A V.I.P. TO T.N.T.

GREETINGS, CHIEF.

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW

I'VE GOT THIS MAGNIFICENT ROGUE SITUATION COVERED.

HE WON'T GET WITHIN 50 MILES OF EARTH.

IT'S LIKE THAT RESTRAINING ORDER YOU FILED AGAINST ME AS A JOKE.

REMEMBER?

- THAT WASN'T A JOKE.

- HA HA! PRICELESS! HA HA HA!

- WOW.

THAT'S A NICE SECRET LAIR.

- CHIEF, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

- FINE WORK, DODGERS. TOP NOTCH.

- WAIT!

ARE YOU WATCHING "E.A.D."?

- WHAT?! THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!

WHY?

ARE YOU WATCHING "E.A.D."?

- ME?! MINDLESS GOSSIP?

NO WAY!

- NOT THAT I'D BLAME SOMEONE FOR WATCHING,

YOU KNOW, FOR TIPS ON STOPPING VILLAINS,

AND FASHION.

- HE MUST BE STOPPED,

PERFECTLY-STYLED HAIR AND ALL.

- EXACTLY.

A GLEAMING SMILE AND HAUNTING EYES

DON'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TERRORIZE THE UNIVERSE.

- YEAH, YEAH.

HE'S ONE HANDSOME D-DEV-D-D...

OH, HE'S A SCOUNDREL ALL RIGHT.

- WELL, DODGERS, YOU KNOW YOUR MISSION...

STOP THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY...

AND, UH, GET HIS AUTOGRAPH AND SOME T-SHIRTS

WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

- SIR, IS THIS THE RIGHT PLANET?

- NO, ASSISTANT.

IT'S A BLUE PLANET.

IF I WANT TO MENACE A RED PLANET,

I'LL SAY "RED PLANET."

- OH. YES, OF COURSE, YOUR MAGNIFICENCE.

- AND WHERE'S THE POPCORN I WANTED

BUT NEVER ASKED FOR?

- SIR, WE'RE BEING HAILED

BY A GALACTIC PROTECTORATE SHIP.

- REDUCE YOUR SPEED AND PREPARE TO BE BOARDED.

- IT'S HIM. IT'S HIM!

IT'S REALLY HIM!

- GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, CADET.

- OH, DON'T BE TOO HARD ON HIM.

HIS PURITY AND INNOCENCE ARE GIFTS TO BE CHERISHED.

- SWEET TALK WON'T FLY

WITH BATTLE-SCARRED VETS LIKE US, CHUCKLES.

OK, THEN.

YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED BY THE GALACTIC PROTECTORATE

TO VACATE THIS QUADRANT...

IMMEDIATELY.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO STAY.

IT'S YOUR CALL.

- SIR, I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE.

- REALLY?

IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

THAT'S FASCINATING.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

YOU'RE FIRED.

- REALLY?!

PLEASE DON'T TOY WITH ME.

- GET OUT!

- FREEDOM!

- HE SAID HE WAS MY BIGGEST FAN.

OBVIOUSLY, HE'S NOT.

THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, GIRLS.

- I'LL SAY.

A REAL FAN WOULDN'T ABANDON YOU

WHILE YOU WERE BEING WRONGFULLY PERSECUTED BY THE LAW.

- UH, W-WHAT?

I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO ARREST HIM.

- ARREST ME?

HEAVENS.

IF ADDING A DASH OF PIZZAZZ

TO MILLIONS OF OTHERWISE BLAND LIVES IS A CRIME,

THEN, BY ALL MEANS, LOCK ME UP FOR GOOD.

- WOW. THAT WAS EASY.

NOW, BEFORE WE CUFF YOU,

CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH?

OH, AND A PICTURE OF US TOGETHER?

OOH, OOH! AND MAYBE SOME FREE MUGS,

KEY CHAINS, AND SNOW GLOBES?

- NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER

THAN TEMPORARILY ELEVATING YOUR DREARY EXISTENCES

WITH TRIVIAL SOUVENIRS OF MY MAGNIFICENCE,

LIKE THESE REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS, FOR INSTANCE.

- OOH! MAGNETS! - OOH! MAGNETS!

- HOWEVER,

BEFORE I SURRENDER THESE,

OR MYSELF TO YOUR CUSTODY,

I HAVE A FEW TINY FAVORS TO ASK OF YOU.

- NAME IT, AND IT'S DONE!

JUST A FEW SIMPLE TASKS

AND MAGNIFICENT ROGUE WILL BE MY PAL FOREVER!

YOU'RE NOT SO BAD, ARE YOU, LITTLE FELLA?

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE A...

COLOSSAL, TERRIFYING BEAST

SUMMONED FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY DARKEST NIGHTMARE.

AAH!

- I SAID I WANTED A POPCORN QUESADILLA.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I STILL WANT A POPCORN QUESADILLA.

HEY! HE'S RIGHT!

THIS IS BETTER THAN USING A SPONGE!

- NO, NO, NO.

THESE BUBBLES TICKLE.

DRAIN THE POOL AGAIN.

AND THIS TIME, USE TICKLE-FREE BUBBLES!

- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

IT'S TIME TO SURREND-DA-DA-DA...

SURREN-DA-DA-DA...

TURN YOURSELF IN!

- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE, CADET?

- YOURSELF AND ELABORATE RECIPES INVOLVING P-POPCORN?

- WELL, YES.

GUILTY AS CHARGED.

BUT BESIDES THAT,

I LIKE THIS EARTH

BECAUSE IT'S BLUE.

YOU SEE, BLUE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.

- B-BLUE IS A GOOD COLOR FOR YOU.

IT COMPLEMENTS YOUR EYES NICELY.

- WELL, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

UNFORTUNATELY...

EARTH IS NOT QUITE BLUE ENOUGH FOR MY TASTES,

SO I'VE DECIDED TO BRING ITS MOON CLOSER.

IT'LL MAKE EARTH COMPLETELY BLUE.

NEAT, HUH?

- Y-YOU'RE COMPLETELY INSANE.

- TRUE.

BUT I'M ALSO COMPLETELY IN CONTROL.

- MY TONGUE IS LOSING IT'S MAGICAL LUSTER.

CAN YOU TAKE A LOOK AT IT?

MAY I REST NOW, YOUR MAGNIFICENCE?

- THAT DEPENDS.

CAN YOU SEE MY REFLECTION IN THE FLOOR?

- WHY IS DODGERS BEING SO NICE TO THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE?

HE DOESN'T THINK THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE

IS A BETTER ENEMY THAN I AM, DOES HE?

IS IT THAT SHIP?

I COULD FLY A SHIP LIKE THAT IF I WANTED.

- NO.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT...

UH, CAPTAIN DODGERS DID MENTION SOMETHING

ABOUT A N-NEW ARCHENEMY.

- I BELIEVE THE WORD HE USED WAS...

MAGNIFICENT.

- I GOT THOSE CABLES HOOKED AROUND THE MOON, M.R.

NOW, HOW ABOUT WE CALL SOME PEOPLE I KNOW

AND ACT LIKE OLD PALS?

- I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

WE'LL USE THE CABLES YOU'VE ATTACHED THE MOON

TO TOW IT CLOSER TO EARTH.

- I DON'T SEE HOW THAT WILL SHOW PEOPLE WHAT GREAT PALS WE ARE.

PLUS, IF WE MOVE IT,

WE MIGHT GET A TICKET OR SOMETHING.

- HOW UNFORTUNATE.

I WAS THINKING THAT AFTERWARDS,

WE COULD CELEBRATE BY CO-HOSTING ONE OF MY MAGNIFICENT PARTIES...

TOGETHER.

- A-LIST ONLY?

- EVERYONE BUT YOU.

- WHOO-HOO!

- PROFESSOR, I THINK THE MOON IS GETTING BIGGER.

- YES, KEITH.

IT'S A TELESCOPE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO THINK.

- PLEASE, CAPTAIN GLOUSTERMAN, SIR,

I THINK WE MUST TURN BACK NOW.

THE STORM IS FAR TOO MIGHTY.

- AW, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A PERFECT STORM,

DANDY BOY BLUE.

CAPTAIN GLOUSTERMAN DELIVERS HIS FISH FRESH.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO THINK.

AAH!

- SO, I'LL BE CEMENTED INTO THE WALLS OF YOUR GAZEBO,

BUT I'M STILL THE CO-HOST, RIGHT?

WHOA!

- INCREASE TO FULL POWER.

- IF THE KNOB WON'T TURN ANY FURTHER,

THAT'S FULL POWER, RIGHT?

- PERHAPS WE'RE TOO HEAVY.

ASSISTANT, TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

- YEAH, OLD M.R. AND I GO WAY BACK, MR. CRUISE.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D USE THE PHRASE "BEST FRIENDS,"

BUT YOU CERTAINLY COULD.

MAY I CALL YOU TOM?

MR. CRUISE?

OK, HOW ABOUT MAVERICK?

WE'RE LIGHT AS A FEATHER NOW, M.R.

I TOSSED EVERY LAST BAG.

- WHY DON'T YOU RUN OUTSIDE AND UNHOOK US

WHILE I DO NOTHING.

- WORKS FOR ME.

SURE, I MAY HAVE BEEN TEMPORARILY DAZZLED

BY THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE,

BUT I'M OVER THAT.

I REALIZE NOW WHO MY REAL FRIENDS...

AND ENEMIES ARE.

AND I'M NOT GONNA FORGET IT ANYTIME SOON.

- YELLO?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM OLD PALS

WITH THE MAGNIFICENT ROGUE.

SUPER! SEE YOU TONIGHT.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S RIDING THE RED CARPET TONIGHT.

I'D INVITE YOU GUYS,

BUT, FRANKLY, YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH.

CIAO.

- ACTUALLY, I NEED TO GET GOING, TOO.

I'M CO-HOSTING A PARTY WITH THE M-MAGNIFICENT ROGUE.

CIAO.

- I REALLY NEED TO MAKE SOME NEW ENEMIES.