Original subtitles

- FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- STATUS REPORT, CADET.

- HIS SHIELDS HAVE A STRANGE SIGNATURE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.

- I DON'T CARE WHO HE IS. HE'S NOT GETTING AWAY.

- THIS IS DEFINITELY THE SHIP THAT ATTACKED M-MALTESE 7.

- CURSES! I HAVE A TIMESHARE ON MALTESE 7.

- H-HE'S TRYING TO LOSE US.

- FOLLOW HIM AND FIRE WEAPONS.

- I'M JUST HITTING ASTEROIDS.

- KEEP FIRING.

- (EVIL CHUCKLE)

- UH-OH.

- T-THE MISSILES ARE C-COMING BACK.

- UM, MORE EVASIVE MANEUVERS?

- MISSILES EVADED, CAPTAIN.

- WHOA. THAT IS ONE BIG SHINY ROCK.

- AAH!

- WHY HAVE YOU ATTACKED MY VALUABLE FOOD SOURCE?

- IT'S A BIG SHINY ROCK THAT TALKS!

- I AM MASATIVO, THE LIVING PLANET.

THOSE ASTEROIDS PROVIDE NOURISHMENT TO ME.

SO I DECLARE THAT YOUR SPACESHIPS ARE TOO DANGEROUS.

YOUR SKIRMISH MUST BE SETTLED PERSONALLY,

THROUGH HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT!

- SORRY, CADET. GOOD LUCK.

- NO. THE CAPTAINS THEMSELVES WILL DO BATTLE.

- NOW LISTEN, YOU MEWLING MARBLE,

I GIVE THE ORDERS AROUND...

HERE.

- YOU MUST USE MY NATURAL RESOURCES

TO DEFEND YOURSELF.

FOR IF YOU EVER WANT TO LEAVE,

YOU MUST DEFEAT YOUR ALIEN ADVERSARY.

- HMM. BETTER GET CRACKING.

WONDER WHERE MY ADVERSARY IS?

- GRR.

- THAT MUST BE THE CAPTAIN OF THAT MYSTERIOUS ALIEN SHIP.

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

(SNIFFING)

- GOOD LUCK SNIFFING ME OUT, PAL.

(SNIFFS)

NEW CAR SCENT.

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- OK, THIS WILL BE EASY.

I'LL USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND SNEAK UP ON HIM.

TYPICAL.

- (SNARLS)

- OH! OW! OOF! OW!

HEY, NOT MY METATARSALS! OOH!

WHOA!

WOW, OUCH! OH! OWIE!

WHOA!

TAZ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

HELP...

ME...

AAH!

BACK OFF, BUSTER!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ATTACK THE DUMMY!

JUST LIKE IN REHEARSAL!

THESE STUNT DUMMIES PACK QUITE A WALLOP.

THEY'RE MADE TO WITHSTAND RIGOROUS ABUSE.

OF...WHAT?

OUT.

- HA HA HA!

- (WHISTLES)

HERE, BOY. FETCH!

- (BARKING)

- HMM, MY ADVERSARY HAS OVERPOWERING STRENGTH,

BUT LIMITED INTELLECT.

WHAT I NEED IS A WEAPON,

BUT WHERE SHALL I FIND SAID WEAPON?

A WEAPON, A WEAPON, MY KINGDOM FOR A WEAPON.

BUT THERE'S NONE TO BE FOUND.

SO I'LL JUST HAVE TO SCOUR THE PLANET FOR MATERIALS

FROM WHENCE I CAN CONSTRUCT A WEAPON OF MY OWN FABRICATION.

YES! THERE IT IS.

A PERFECT SPECIMEN FROM NATURE'S BOUNTY.

THAT WILL MAKE FOR A GREAT START.

THAT'S WEIRD. ALL OF A SUDDEN,

I SEEM SHORTER.

FUNNY. WONDER WHY THAT...IS?

AAH!

OF ALL THE STUPID NONSENSE.

HMM. THIS ONE LOOKS STRAIGHT AND TRUE.

(RATTLING SOUND)

UHH.

ONCE YOU TAKE THESE THINGS OUT,

THEY'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE LOOSE.

RINGS OF SATURN MUSKET BALLS

MELTED FROM THE DROSS OF THE PLANET'S CORE.

COTTON WADDING LEFT OVER FROM THAT STUNT DUMMY.

AND VENUVIAN GUN POWDER, MADE USING MOTHER'S OWN RECIPE.

NOW TO LOAD THIS BABY.

- (SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- OH, NO! HE'S MADE A STICK AND A ROCK!

POWDER.

BALL.

WADDING.

RAMROD.

MAYBE IT'S BALL, POWDER, WADDING.

THEN RAM IT...

PERHAPS IT'S WADDING...

BALL.

POW...

DER.

- (GIGGLES)

ME COULD WATCH THIS ALL DAY.

- (SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- THIS IS, HANDS-DOWN,

THE WORST HIDING PLACE I'VE EVER PICKED.

I MAY HAVE BETTER LUCK WITH THIS CREATURE

IF I INFILTRATE AND ATTACK FROM WITHIN.

HMM. THE OLD TRADITIONAL DUCK DINNER.

WHO CAN RESIST?

- (SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- YOO-HOO! - OHH...

- DINNER IS SERVED.

- WHA...

- HEY THERE, HUNGRY MAN.

- HUH?

- YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.

- OH, NO.

- COME ON! I SLAVED INSIDE A HOT STOVE ALL DAY LONG!

YOU CAN'T DENY THAT I'M NOT A MAGNIFICENT SPECIMEN.

I'M FREE-RANGE, NO STEROIDS.

UM, EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME I WON THE MR. UNIVERSE CONTEST

AND BECAME GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.

ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU FOLLOW YOUR TASTE BUDS, BUD.

- UMM...

- HA HA! HA, HA HA HA!

- HA HA, HA HA, HA HA HA!

- THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

DAFFY'S BIGGER THAN TAZ,

AND HE'S STANDING THERE IN HIS STOMACH.

- WELL, YOU KNOW IT IS A CARTOON, SON.

- EVEN SO.

- WELL, WHAT IF THEY DO SOMETHING VISUALLY STUNNING

TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF?

- PERHAPS.

- GLAD I SAVED THESE GOLF CLEATS.

WAY DEEP INSIDE THIS MONSTER'S GULLET

I'M GONNA PLAY

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

ONCE AGAIN, I'VE ALIENATED OUR TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC.

MAYBE I'VE GOT TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH.

WAY DEEP INSIDE THIS MONSTER'S GULLET

I'M GONNA PLAY DOODLEE-DOODLEE-DOO

THAT'S WHERE STUFF IS CHURNING EVER

DOWN WHERE THE HEARTBURN LAYS DOODLEE-DOO

ALL UP AND DOWN THE SMALL INTESTINE

BLOATED UP WITH FUNK DOODLEE-DOODLEE-DOO

HE'S RIGHT AT THE POINT OF BURSTING

I THINK I'VE BROKEN EVERY BONE

DOO, DOO

I WIN, BABY!

OK, MASATIVO, I WON, SO LET ME GO.

- I'M SORRY, BUT I COULD NEVER SET SUCH A CLEVER CREATURE FREE.

YOU MUST STAY HERE FOREVER.

- SUIT YOURSELF, QUARTZY.

(RUMBLING)

- WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

GRINDER SHIPS?

NO!!

- GET US OUT OF HERE!

(MOTOR STARTS)

- NICE WORK, CADET.

- T-THANK YOU, CAPTAIN DODGERS.

- I SURE AM GLAD WE HAD A CONTINGENCY PLAN

AGAINST LIVING MINERAL PLANETS.

- YES, I FORWARDED MASATIVO'S COORDINATES TO

THE GALACTIC SHOPPING NETWORK,

J-JUST LIKE YOU ORDERED.

- WITH A CRYSTAL THAT SIZE, THEY CAN FLOOD THE GALAXY

WITH CHEAP COSTUME JEWELRY FOR YEARS TO COME.

- I'M SORRY, DOCTOR I.Q. HI,

BUT YOUR FLIGHT HAS BEEN DELAYED.

- BUT I'M THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER

AT THE INTERSTELLAR ISOTOPE CONVENTION.

- MONOLITH SPACELINES FEELS YOUR PAIN, SIR,

BUT ALL SEATS ON YOUR FLIGHT

HAVE BEEN BOOKED BY THE CAST OF BRITTANY-MANIA.

- WILL THAT CURSED ROAD SHOW EVER END?

- WELL, ISN'T THIS A SMALL SOLAR SYSTEM?

HELLO, IGNATIUS.

YOUR FLIGHT WAS CANCELED, TOO?

- QUEEN TYRANNY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- THE MARTIAN CENTURIONS ARE ON STRIKE,

GROUNDING ALL ROYAL STARSHIPS.

LUCKY FOR ME I HAD ALL THOSE FREQUENT FLYER MILES.

SO, HOW IS HE?

- WHO?

- THE ONE WHO CAPTURED MY HEART.

- DODGERS?

NO OFFENSE, YOUR HIGHNESS, BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER.

- HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

DODGERS IS THE BRAVEST CAPTAIN IN THE PROTECTORATE FLEET.

- BRAVE? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME DUCK?

HE WASN'T EXACTLY A PARAGON OF FORTITUDE

THE TIME I GAVE IN TO HIS DEMAND TO BE AN AMBASSADOR.

HE WENT TO THE WRONG ADDRESS AND NEARLY MET HIS END

ABOARD A HAUNTED SPACE STATION.

(CREAKING)

- (GROWLING)

- AAH!

- MEOW.

- IT'S JUST A HARMLESS LITTLE KITTEN.

HERE, KITTY, KITTY.

- (SCREECH)

- GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!

USE THE PARALYSIS RAY!

- (PURRING)

(HISS)

MEOW.

- NICE SHOOTIN', TEX.

- NOW HOLD STILL.

- VERY FUNNY.

AAH!

- (SCREECH)

- AH! AH! AH!

- OK, KITTY, TIME TO GO. T-THE JOKE'S OVER.

- SO HE WASN'T BRAVE AT ALL?

- WELL, HE DID ENCOUNTER A DEADLY SPACE VAMPIRE,

THOUGH CADET ACTUALLY DESTROYED THE MONSTER.

DODGERS WAS SIMPLY OFF TO THE SIDE,

DANCING AROUND LIKE A MADMAN.

- I'M SURE THE INCIDENT WITH THE KITTEN WAS AN ANOMALY.

HE'S USUALLY VERY GOOD WITH ANIMALS, ISN'T HE?

- MMM, WELL...

(FANFARE PLAYS)

- HUZZAH!

(HAWK SCREECHES)

- ULP! AAH...!

- HUH?

(HEARTBEAT SOUND)

- LEECHES!

COME HERE, MY TIMID WOODLAND CREATURE.

DON'T BE AFRAID.

AAH! OW, OW, OW!

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!

I'M A LITTLE DAFFODIL

STRONG AND PROUD AM I

- AAH! BEES! GET OFF ME! AAH!

(LAUGHTER)

AAH!

WAAH! NO, NO, NO! AAH!

OH, CADET, BRING THE FIRST AID KIT.

- GOOD WITH ANIMALS? IN A WORD, NO.

- WELL, AT LEAST HE'S A STYLISH DRESSER.

- SURE, WHEN HE MANAGES TO PICK UP THE RIGHT SUIT.

- HELLO. ANYBODY HOME?

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE SERVICE?

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- YOU'RE NOT THE REGULAR GUY. WHERE'S LOUIE?

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- I...NEED...TO... PICK...UP...MY...UNIFORM.

- BRAK?

- LISTEN...CARE...FULLY.

NEED...TO...PICK...UP... MY...GREEN...UNIFORM.

AH, CHARADES. THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

THAT'S A PROM DRESS.

- UH, BRAK?

- THAT'S A GORILLA SUIT.

SANTA CLAUS OUTFIT.

WEDDING DRESS.

MUUMUU.

NEHRU JACKET.

KARATE GI.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS.

TUXEDO.

RINGMASTER'S UNIFORM.

PRIESTLY VESTMENTS.

LOOK, I JUST WANT MY GREEN SUIT!

(DOOR OPENS)

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- LOUIE! ABOUT TIME.

- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

- LOUIE, WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS GUY?

- TA-DA! GRAK!

- THANKS, LOUIE. YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

- TURNS OUT HE WALKED AWAY WITH A BATMAN SUIT.

- SO HE'S FASHION-CHALLENGED.

I KNOW HE'S A GOOD DRIVER. I SAW HIM WIN A RACE ONCE.

- OH, RACES ARE ONE THING.

IT'S THE BIG SLOW MODELS HE CAN'T HANDLE.

- I LOVE BEING WAY UP IN ONE OF THESE BIG THINGS.

IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO SEE OVER ALL THE TRAFFIC.

- UH-HUH.

WOW, THAT'S PRETTY STEEP.

I DON'T THINK WE CAN MAKE IT.

- OF COURSE WE CAN!

THAT'S WHAT THIS BABY WAS DESIGNED FOR.

JUST YOU WATCH.

I'LL GIVE IT A LITTLE EXTRA GAS,

AND WE'RE OFF!

- OH, DEAR. W-WE'RE STUCK.

- NEVER FEAR, CADET.

WE'LL SIMPLY USE THIS WINCH

TO EXTRICATE OURSELVES FROM THIS PREDICAMENT.

I'LL JUST AIM THIS RAZOR-SHARP HARPOON

AT THE TOP OF THE CLIFF...

...AND PULL OURSELVES UP.

- WILL THAT CABLE REALLY HOLD ALL THIS WEIGHT?

- OF COURSE.

ACTIVATING WINCH.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

AAH!

(CRUNCHING SOUNDS)

SEE? I TOLD YOU THE CABLE WOULD HOLD.

(SNAP)

- OH, I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED

IN SOME INTERMINABLE COMPILATION OF MY BELOVED'S SECRET FAILURES;

INCIDENTS THAT, FOR WHATEVER REASON,

MOST LIKELY TIME,

WERE NEVER MADE PUBLIC UNTIL NOW.

SURELY DODGERS HAS DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF

IN SOME OTHER FIELD OF ENDEAVOR?

- POSSIBLY. HE'S TRIED ALMOST ALL OF THEM.

- WELCOME TO THE LONE STAR SYSTEM

INTERGALACTIC RODEO.

IT'S A SPECTACULAR DAY FOR BULL-RIDING.

OH, NO!

SADLY, BUCKAROO ARCHIE RICHARDS HAS BEEN THROWN

BY THE FIERCE ASTRO-BULL, DIABLO.

- (ROARS)

- BUT REST EASY, FOLKS.

HERE COMES THE FEARLESS RODEO CLOWN.

- HI, THERE. YOU MUST BE DIABLO.

I'M NEW ON THE JOB,

BUT FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND,

I'M TO LURE YOU AWAY WITH MY CLOWNISH SHENANIGANS.

SO HERE IT GOES.

CARE FOR A DRINK, LUMMOX?

WHACKA, WHACKA, WHACKA! I'M A CRAZY CLOWN!

- (GROWLING)

- LOOK AT ME, I'M A SILLY...

YAH!

- WHOOEE! THAT SURE IS ONE TICKED-OFF BULL!

- YAH! SAVE ME!

I'VE ALWAYS HATED CLOWNS.

YIPE!

YOU'VE PERFORATED MY PANCREAS.

I QUIT!

- SO, CAPTAIN DODGERS,

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT COSMETICS?

- NOT A THING.

- WELL, THIS JOB SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD.

WHY DON'T YOU START WITH THAT CLIENT OVER THERE?

- AYE, AYE, SKIPPER.

- MAY I GET SOME HELP, PLEASE? - GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAMPLE ONE OF OUR LATEST PRODUCTS?

PERHAPS A DASH OF THIS UNSHAKABLE FOUNDATION?

A DOSE OF GLITTERY GLOSSIFIERS?

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

A SPRITZ OF EAU DE TOILETTE PARFUM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, BOSS?

- YOU ARE SO FIRED.

- COME ON, BOYS, WE'RE FALLING BEHIND.

- DON'T WORRY, MR. NEIGHBORLY.

I'VE GOT EVERYTHING WELL IN HAND.

HMM.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER, SIR?

- I THINK THESE GLASSES ARE BROKEN.

I CAN'T READ A THING.

- M-MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY READING T-THE FRONT SIDE.

- HEH HEH. YEAH. WELL.

- HOW COULD ANYBODY B-BE THAT STUPID?

- OH, YEAH? WELL, MAYBE THESE ARE, UM...

THOSE X-RAY GLASSES.

THE ONES THAT LET YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH STUFF.

- AND YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD ASTIGMATISM!

- NOBODY RESPECTS THAT

NOT HITTING A GUY WITH GLASSES THING ANYMORE.

- AND THAT'S NOT EVEN COUNTING HIS FAILED ATTEMPTS

AT THEATER USHER, OCELOT FEEDER, ORGAN DONOR, AND TAXIDERMIST.

- AND HERE I BELIEVED HE REALLY WAS A HERO.

- OH, NOW, WAIT, WAIT. HE'S NOT A TOTAL WASHOUT.

I HAVE IT ON EXCELLENT AUTHORITY

THAT HE WAS A COLLEGE FOOTBALL HERO.

- A FOOTBALL HERO?

HA HA HA!

OH, IGNATIUS.

MY LOYAL COMMANDER TOLD ME THE REAL STORY BEHIND THAT.

HE WENT BACK INTO THE PAST

TO MAKE SURE DODGERS DID NOT FULFILL HIS DESTINY.

(BIRDS SINGING)

-4 A.M.

TIME TO RISE AND SHINE, SLEEPYHEAD.

2 DOZEN RAW EGGS.

PLENTY OF PROTEIN TO GET YOU OFF TO A GOOD START.

- OH, BOY, A BUCKET OF FLOPPY EGGS,

JUST LIKE MOTHER USED TO MAKE.

(GULPING)

AAH...

MOTHER ALWAYS USED TO FINISH

WITH A CHASER OF WARM RANCID MAYONNAISE.

- (GULPS)

- HA! WEAK CONSTITUTION,

JUST LIKE MOTHER.

- I'LL PLACE THE CHICKEN ON THE GROUND,

AND WHEN IT SCURRIES, YOU TRY TO CATCH IT.

- WHAT AN EXCELLENT WAY

TO DEVELOP MY SPEED AND COORDINATION.

- OK, GET READY.

- WAHOO!

- MAYBE I NEED TO FIND A MORE AGGRESSIVE CHICKEN.

- I GOTCHA!

AAH! GET IT OFF ME!

OOH! AH! OOH!

YEOW!

- OH, DEAR.

- AAH!

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- WELL, THAT EXPLAINS HIS PSYCHOTIC FEAR OF THE CLERGY.

- NOW THAT WE'VE SHARED OUR DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES,

I CAN SEE I WAS A BIT DAZZLED BY DODGERS.

I SAW BRAVERY IN HIM

WHEN THERE WAS JUST RECKLESSNESS;

PRAISED HIS INGENUITY

WHEN HE HAD SURVIVED BY DUMB LUCK.

MAN, I WAS A DITZ.

- DOCTOR I.Q. HI, PLEASE PROCEED TO GATE 7

FOR IMMEDIATE BOARDING.

- WELL, THAT'S MY FLIGHT.

DON'T TAKE IT TOO HARD, YOUR HIGHNESS.

DODGERS DOES HAVE A CERTAIN INFECTIOUS CHARM.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T FIRED HIM YET, TA-TA.

- YES, THAT CURSED INFECTIOUS CHARM.

I WONDER IF HE'S BUSY TONIGHT.