Original subtitles

- FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- FROM THE DARKNESS OF SPACE COMES A HERO,

THE RIGHTER OF WRONGS,

A HERO NAMED XERO!

WITH THE TIP OF HIS BLADE

A DEEP "X" HE HAS MADE...

THE MARK THAT STANDS FOR XERO.

WHEN EVIL TYRANTS STEAL,

WITH THE SWORD THEY MUST DEAL.

THIS SWORD BELONGS TO XERO.

- (PEOPLE LAUGHING)

- THE MARK THAT STANDS FOR XERO IS HIS CLAIM TO FAME

'CAUSE HE CAN'T EVEN SPELL HIS OWN NAME.

- WE MUST PUT AN END TO THIS, SERGEANT VASQUEZ.

THIS EL XERO CHARACTER

IS PUTTING UNHEALTHY IDEAS INTO THE HEADS OF THOSE PEASANTS.

IF THIS KEEPS UP,

NOT ONLY WILL WE NOT BE ABLE TO COLLECT TAXES,

BUT WE'LL HAVE A FULL-FLEDGED UPRISING ON OUR HANDS.

BUT WHO COULD THIS MASKED EL XERO BE?

- COMMANDANTE HILGALGO,

I'VE BEEN PONDERING THAT VERY QUESTION.

THE FIRST EL XERO SIGHTINGS

BEGAN SHORTLY AFTER THAT EMISSARY

FROM THE GALACTIC PROTECTORATE ARRIVED.

(DOOR OPENS)

- GOOD MORROW, GENTLE KINSMEN.

- AH! CAPTAIN DODGERS!

IT IS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

- AND YOU, COMMANDANTE.

OF COURSE, YOU KNOW MY DEAF-MUTE MAN SERVANT CARSTAIRS.

- HELLO.

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS DEAF AND MUTE.

- WELL, YOU SEE, HE, UM...

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THAT I'M...

I'M A...VENTRILOQUIST.

SO, TELL ME, BILLY,

HOW DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL?

- C-CLOSED.

- (LAUGHS)

CLOSED! HA HA HA!

OH, DEAR!

HA HA, CLOSED! HA HA HA!

- THANK YOU.

- (LAUGHING)

- A WORD WITH YOU, COMMANDANTE.

- HA HA. EXCUSE ME...

HA HA HA, GENTLEMEN.

- I-IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.

- LOOK, DON'T MESS THIS UP.

WE'VE GOT 'EM COMPLETELY FOOLED. - I KNOW.

B-BUT WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE C-COSTUME CAPERS?

- YOU KNOW THAT AS A PROTECTORATE CAPTAIN,

I CAN'T OFFICIALLY INTERFERE WITH A LESS ADVANCED PLANET.

BUT I LOOK OUT AND SEE THE SUFFERING OF THE PEASANTS,

AND MY SOUL IS TOUCHED.

GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR,

YOUR WRETCHED GARBAGE YEARNING TO DRINK TEA.

TO BE BORN FREE...

AS FREE AS THE WIND BLOWS,

AS FREE AS THE COCK CROWS,

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE

FOR MOST.

AND BESIDES, IT'S FUN.

- HA HA HA.

CLOSED! HA HA HA!

HOW WITTY!

- SIR, BACK TO THE EL XERO THING.

I BELIEVE HE AND DUCK DODGERS

ARE ONE AND THE SAME.

- RIDICULOUS!

WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?

- WELL, THEY ARE BOTH THE SAME SIZE,

SAME BLACK FEATHERS,

SAME ORANGE BEAK.

THEY BOTH HAVE A LISP

AND ALL THAT SPIT SPRAY.

THEY ARE BOTH DUCKS.

AND I COULD GO ON EXCEPT I'M GROWING SHORT OF FINGERS.

- AHEM!

A PROBLEM, GENTLEMEN?

- PAY NO ATTENTION TO SERGEANT VASQUEZ.

HE'S FAT.

SO, CAPTAIN DODGERS,

HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY MORE THOUGHT TO MY REQUEST?

- I HAVE TAKEN THE MATTER UNDER ADVISEMENT.

- THE THINGS I COULD DO WITH MORE ADVANCED WEAPONS.

IT WOULD MAKE RULING THIS PLANET MUCH EASIER.

- OH, I'M SURE IT WOULD.

BUT THE PROTECTORATE FROWNS ON

PROVIDING WEAPONS TO LESS ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS.

- PLEASE, COMMANDANTE!

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?

- WHAT?

- HE IS EL XERO!

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- OH, THAT'S RICH.

- (HOWLING)

- SENOR DODGERS!

YOU MUST HELP US!

OUR PEOPLE SUFFER UNDER THE BOOT OF HILGALGO.

- SUCH HARSH TALK FROM SUCH A DELICATE FACE.

- CAPTAIN DODGERS!

YOU FORGOT YOUR HANKIE. - THANKS!

THESE THINGS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOU'D THINK.

- THIS IS THE MAN WHO'S MADE MISERY OF OUR LIVES.

- SUCH HARSH WORDS FROM SUCH A DELICATE FACE.

- HE ALREADY USED THAT.

HAVE YOU NOTHING TO SAY?

- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ONE, MY DEAR?

- ALL FLASH AND NO SUBSTANCE.

- SERGEANT, TAKE THE SENORITA INTO CUSTODY.

- GUARDS!

- YOU WILL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.

- IT APPEARS, MY DEAR,

I ALREADY HAVE.

(CHUCKLES)

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

WAIT A SECOND!

JUST EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

- WELL, YOU SEE,

I'M SCHEDULING A LITTLE HANGING

FOR THE YOUNG LADY I JUST ARRESTED.

WHEN EL XERO HEARS OF IT,

HE'LL COME TO HER RESCUE.

THEN I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM!

- THE COMMANDANTE WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

THANKS, I THINK I GOT IT. - NO PROBLEM.

I MAJORED IN EXPOSITION IN COLLEGE.

- S-SIR, IT IS TIME.

- AND I AM READY.

- IT'S GOTTEN A LITTLE D-DRAFTY OVER HERE.

- AND THE VIEW FROM OVER HERE STINKS.

AT LEAST THIS WILL MAKE YOUR COSTUME CHANGE A LITTLE EASIER.

- E-EXCUSE ME.

I'M HERE TO BRING C-COMFORT AND SOLACE

T-TO THE CONDEMNED.

- GO RIGHT IN, PADRE.

- HUH, A PIG.

AND I THOUGHT ONLY A CHICKEN COULD BE A FRIAR.

- COMMANDANTE,

THE HOUR GROWS LATE,

AND THERE IS STILL NO SIGN OF EL XERO.

- FEAR NOT, I'M SURE HE'S RIDING

TO THE RESCUE AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

(TOOLS CLANGING)

- THIS IS THE LAST TIME I BUY A MUSTANG.

- THE SUN SETS.

- D-DON'T BE AFRAID, MY CHILD.

EL XERO IS ON HIS WAY.

- WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF SUCH THINGS, PADRE?

- IT IS I.

- COMMANDANTE,

WE ARE LOSING LIGHT. - YES.

WHAT'S SAY WE FIRE UP SOME TORCHES?

THAT WILL GIVE US MORE DRAMATIC ILLUMINATION.

- GOT ANY 9s?

- G-GO FISH.

(TOOLS CLANGING)

- WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE OFF WARRANTY?!

(ENGINE WHIRRS)

AUTO SHOP 101, EXCESSIVE FORCE.

- (NEIGHS)

- (STAMMERING)

WAAAAH!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

I SAID WHOA!

FOR A SECOND THERE, I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO END

IN A HIDEOUS CRASH WITH A HORRIBLE EXPLOSION.

HEY, TRIGGER, GIDDYAP.

RUN, BLACK BEAUTY.

(CLICKS CHEEKS)

I'LL GIVE YOU A LUMP OF SUGAR!

HOW ABOUT A MAN-SIZED CHURRO?!

- MAYBE HE HAS FORGOTTEN US?

- A PHILLY, EXTRA CHEESE?

- COMMANDANTE, EL XERO IS VERY LATE.

THE CROWD GROWS RESTLESS.

- YES, BUT YOU MUST ADMIT THE LIGHTING IS MORE DRAMATIC.

- WE MUST GIVE THE CROWD SOMETHING QUICK,

OR WE'LL LOSE THEM.

- I'M PRETTY SURE EL XERO HAS ARRIVED.

- AN INFERNO!

- SHOW TIME!

- GOOD THING THIS EXTRA LARGE CAPE

DOUBLES AS A PARACHUTE.

- WATCH OUT.

EL XERO IS VERY CUNNING.

HE COULD BE ANYWHERE.

WELL, NOT ANYWHERE, I GUESS.

THERE'S NO REASON HE'D BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS WELL...

UNLESS HE WERE A COMPLETE DOLT, AN IDIOT!

BUT HE'S NOT.

HE'S A WORTHY ADVERSARY.

- MAN, MY SHORTS REALLY RODE UP.

NOW TO RESCUE THE BEAUTIFUL SENORITA.

HA! HO! AH!

HO! AH HA HA!

HEY!

WHOA! OH! OH!

WHOA!

- ROBERTO? MIGUEL!

DON'T WORRY.

IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND.

PERHAPS I UNDERESTIMATED THE DAMAGE A BIT.

- THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING YOU UNDERESTIMATED

WHEN YOU CHOSE TO TANGLE WITH EL...

XERO.

- (GASPS)

THE MARK OF EL XERO.

- YEAH, IT S-SURE LOOKS LIKE IT.

THANKS, N-NOW I CAN GET THERESA TO A SAFE PLACE.

- YOU'RE ALL SUBSTANCE, NO FLASH.

- HEY, FELLAS, WAIT UP!

- LOOK! EL XERO!

- HYAH!

YOU AND I SHALL BECOME AS ONE

AS WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE...

YEOW!

- CLOSE THE GATE!

- TAFFETA AND SILK FOR THE WELL-DRESSED ROBOT.

- SAY, THIS IS REALLY SOFT,

BUT I CAN'T SEE!

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

HELP, PLEASE!

- (GRUNTING)

MY HAT'S OFF TO YOU, GENTLEMEN!

A LITTLE TRICK I LEARNED FROM ODD BALL.

- ODD BALL?!

- HIP!

I COULD WATCH ROBOTS BLOW UP ALL DAY LONG.

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL ESCAPE FOR EL XERO!

- DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD GO THAT FAR.

- (NEIGHING)

- TIME FOR THE CLIMACTIC SWORD FIGHT?

- HOW PERCEPTIVE.

- THEN LET'S HAVE AT IT THEN.

HUP! HUP! HUP!

HUP! HUP!

HUH?

EXCUSE ME WHILST I RETRIEVE MY WAYWARD WEAPON.

LET'S JUST WATCH THE ROUGH STUFF, BUB.

I THINK YOU GAVE ME A BOOBOO ON MY PINKIE.

- ENOUGH!

YOU FIGHT WELL,

BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH TO DEFEAT ME.

- EVEN IF I FAIL,

THE PEASANTS WILL RISE UP AND OVERTHROW YOUR EVIL EMPIRE.

- THE PEASANTS ARE WEAK

AND WILL DO WHATEVER I TELL THEM.

- WRONG AGAIN.

LO, THE PROLETARIAT RISES

TO THWART THE EVIL OPPRESSOR.

- YOU WIN, XERO.

- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ONE, COMMANDANTE?

- DUCK DODGERS!

- TOLD YOU.

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

- CURSES!

- CAPTAIN DODGERS, CAPTAIN DODGERS!

T-THAT WAS GREAT!

'TWAS NOTHING.

SO, UM...

WHERE'S YOUR HUDDLED MASSES

YEARNING TO BREATHE FREE?

- THEY GOT BORED AND WENT HOME

TO WATCH A R-RERUN OF "DRAGON BALL."

SO, I MADE A REASONABLE FACSIMILE IN S-SHADOW PUPPETS.

- WELL, THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.

IN ORDER TO FILL THE POWER VACUUM,

WE'LL HAVE TO INSTALL A GOVERNMENT.

- OH, YEAH?

- A PUPPET GOVERNMENT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT?

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

- WOW! TWO FULL DAYS OF GORGEOUS GOLF

AT THE TIGER WOODS PLANET OF REST AND RELAXATION!

THIS IS GONNA BE THE GAME OF A LIFETIME!

AND CHECK OUT MY FANCY NEW DUDS.

NEW SHOES...

A NEW MOISTURE-WICKING GOLF SHIRT,

AND THESE NEW DERRIERE-SLIMMING SLACKS.

I GOT ALL THE BEST NEW EQUIPMENT.

- WE NOTICED. - WE NOTICED.

- HA HA.

VINTAGE IS NICE,

BUY HOW ABOUT MY HIGH-TECH PUTTER?

IT'S THE MINDUFLEX EZ.

TOTALLY STATE-OF-THE-ART!

IT BROADCASTS WAVES OF SONIC ENERGY

ALLOWING ME TO CONTROL THE BALL

EVEN AFTER I HIT IT.

- ISN'T THAT CHEATING?

- I PREFER THE TERM TECHNOLOGICALLY ENHANCED.

- I-IT SEEMS LIKE CHEATING TO ME.

- MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU'RE WEARING THE STUPID OUTFIT.

(THUNDER)

(CUCKOO, CUCKOO)

AAAAAH!

WHAT WAS THAT?!

- PERHAPS A SPATIAL ANOMALY.

- NO WAY!

IT'S A GHOST!

MY SHIP IS HAUNTED!

- B-BUT, CAPTAIN DODGERS,

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GHO...GHO...

POLTERGEISTS.

- I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW

THAT CERTAIN MEMBERS OF THE DODGERS FAMILY

ARE BORN WITH A GIFT.

- JUST WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, DODGERS?

- I CAN COMMUNICATE WITH THE DEAD.

- WHOA! WAS THAT LIGHTNING INSIDE A SPACE SHIP?

WE BETTER CHECK THIS OUT.

- W-WHY ARE WE IN THE BASEMENT?

- BECAUSE IT'S THE SPOOKIEST PART OF THE SHIP!

STAY CLOSE, BOYS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SEPARATED BY THE SPIRITS.

- I D-DON'T BELIEVE IN SPIRITS.

- ME NEITHER.

THIS GHOST BUSINESS... IT'S PURE HOKUM.

- S-SILLY NONSENSE.

SILLY JUVENILE NONSENSE.

- RIGHT YOU ARE, MY BOY.

HA! A SURE SIGN OF AN INFANTILE MIND.

- YEAH, FOR BABIES.

- LITTLE GIRLY BABIES.

- CRYING TO THEIR MAMAS.

"W-WE'RE SO SCARED!"

- "SAVE US, MOMMY, FROM THE SCARY GHOSTS!"

- HOLD UP!

I THINK THIS IS THE PLACE.

I FEEL A COLD SPOT.

- W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CAPTAIN?

- WELL, I'M TRYING TO BRING OUT THE GHOSTS.

THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO THE SHIMMERING LIGHT.

THEN I DROP IN THE BAIT, WAIT TILL THE HOOK IS SUNK,

AND REEL THOSE PUPPIES IN!

- T-THAT'S SOUNDS MORE LIKE FISHING TO ME.

- OH, DO YOU LIKE TO FISH, TOO?

- YES, BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE HUNTING GHOSTS.

- GHOSTS IS IT?!

I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

I HAVE A SPECIAL GIFT.

- I BELIEVE YOU MENTIONED THAT.

- THE BEST WAY TO FLUSH OUT A POLTERGEIST

IS WITH THIS!

- T-THAT'S JUST AN OLD INSTANT CAMERA.

- DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE,

BUT ESSENTIAL FOR SPIRIT PHOTOGRAPHY.

I JUST SNAP A PICTURE LIKE SO...

AND WAIT A FEW SECONDS FOR IT TO DEVELOP.

AND BEHOLD!

THE ECTOPLASMIC ENTITY!

- T-THAT'S YOUR THUMB.

- HMM.

HOW'S ABOUT THIS ONE?

- THUMB.

- WELL, CHUBBY,

TAKE A LOOK AT THESE.

- THUMB, CAMERA STRAP, THUMB,

THUMB, THUMB, L-LENS CAP,

EYEBALL, THUMB.

- UH, THAT'S FOR AN ARTICLE I'M DOING

IN A RESPECTED MEDICAL JOURNAL.

- UM...

T-THIS ONE'S OF A BANANA.

- WHAT?

WHERE WOULD A BANANA COME FROM?

- MMM!

MMM-MMM-MMM!

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

I HAVE A POTASSIUM DEFICIENCY.

BANANAS ARE LOADED WITH POTASSIUM.

- NOW I KNOW WHY HE NEVER COMES ON THESE ADVENTURES.

ZOUNDS!

- POTASSIUM DEFICIENCY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FATIGUE,

CONSTIPATION, INSOMNIA,

GAS PAINS, AND LOW BLOOD SUGAR.

- AH, SPOTKINS!

- C-CAPTAIN, WHAT IS IT?!

- BEHOLD A RELIC LEFT BEHIND

BY THOSE WHO HAVE SHED THEIR MATERIAL FORM.

- OH, DEAR!

- YOU DOUBTED MY POWERS, DIDN'T YOU?

BUT NOW THE GREAT UNKNOWN IS STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE PUSS!

HOW FOOLISH AND SMALL-MINDED YOU WERE.

THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO, BANANA FIEND!

- I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION.

- TWO WEEKS AGO, THIS CUP WAS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH COFFEE.

NOW LOOK AT IT!

- T-THE COFFEE PROBABLY JUST EVAPORATED,

AND WHATEVER'S LEFT HAS TURNED TO MOLD.

- MOLD?!

HMM?

YUCCH!

BLECCH!

(RUMBLING)

WHOA!

- OH!

- UNBELIEVERS.

- C-CAPTAIN DODGERS,

W-WHERE ARE YOU?

(GASPS)

- STEP FORWARD!

THE GREAT DUCKINI KNOWS ALL, SEES ALL!

I WILL BE YOUR BRIDGE TO THE OTHER SIDE!

MY CRYSTAL WILL ALLOW ME TO PEER BEYOND THE VEIL.

SPEAK TO ME, O DISEMBODIED SOULS.

THE DEPARTED DRAW NEARER.

- I THINK HE'S IN A TRANCE.

- I AM IN A TRANCE.

I AM YOUR LIVING CONDUIT TO THE OTHER SIDE.

THE ENTITIES ARE BEGINNING TO SPEAK.

AHA! DID ONE OF YOU HAVE A GRANDFATHER?

- YES!

YES, I HAD A GRANDFATHER!

- AND WAS YOUR GRANDFATHER BY ANY CHANCE A MAN?

- HE WAS INDEED!

- HMM.

I'M GETTING SOMETHING WITH A "P."

A "P" WORD.

PAM. PAP. PAN.

DID YOUR GRANDFATHER EVER WEAR PANTS?

- OH, MY! YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!

- NOW WE HAVEN'T ARRANGED ANY OF THIS IN ADVANCE, HAVE WE?

- I'VE NEVER MET THIS DUCK BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

- T-THIS IS RIDIC...RIDIC...

JUST PLAIN STUPID.

(SHIP GROANING)

- EGADS!

THE WAIL OF THE BANSHEE!

HERE, STUFF YOUR MOUTH WITH GARLIC!

ANYBODY GOT ANY THREAD TO SEW HIS LIPS SHUT?

- THAT'S COMING FROM THE ENGINE ROOM.

T-THE ATOMIC COUPLER MUST HAVE COME UNCOUPLED.

- IF WE DON'T FIX THAT THING FAST,

THE WHOLE SHIP WILL EXPLODE.

- HOW FAR APART DO YOU THINK THAT COUPLER'S SEPARATED?

- OH, I'D SAY ABOUT AN INCH AND A HALF.

- T-THIS SHOULD FIT JUST FINE.

T-THE CONDUCTIVE PROPERTIES OF THIS GOLF BALL

SHOULD COMPLETE THE OPEN CIRCUIT

AND RESTORE T-THE ATOMIC POWER COUPLER.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS USE YOUR MINDUFLEX EZ

TO SINK A PUTT THAT WINDS THROUGH THE MACHINERY

THAT RUNS BENEATH THIS OPEN GRATE.

- OK, BUT THAT WON'T SOOTHE THE SAVAGE FURY

OF THE PARANORMAL.

- LET'S JUST GIVE IT A TRY, OK?

- SURE, WHATEVER.

ZUP!

EEP! OOH!

- YOU CAN DO IT, DODGERS!

(SHIP GROANS)

ANY CHANCE WE CAN ESCAPE IN THE SHUTTLE?

- NEVER MAKE IT IN TIME.

(BOOM)

T-THEN AGAIN,

I LETTERED IN TRACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.

- ABANDON SHIP!

- I ALMOST GOT IT!

(GRUNTING)

OH, MAN! IT'S STUCK!

I GUESS WE'RE DEAD.

- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

- YOU'RE THE GHO...G-G-G...

OOH.

(WHISTLING)

YOU'RE THE G-G-G...

YOU'RE THE GHO...G-G- GHO-GHO...

- BOO.

- THE GHOST!

- (LAUGHING)

- BE GONE, FOUL SPIRIT!

- BOO!

- AAAH!

(SCREAMING)

- (LAUGHING)

- KEEP AWAY, YOU FREAKY PHANTOM!

EEK!

- WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT.

WAIT! HE DID IT!

HE SAVED THE SHIP.

- I NEVER HAD A DOUBT, I.Q.

D-DUCK DODGERS IS THE BRAVEST SPACE CAPTAIN I KNOW.

- OOH! OH! OH!

SAVE ME!

- AND THAT'S THE LAST WE'LL HEAR OF THIS HAUNTED SHIP.

- T-THAT'S RIGHT!

B-BECAUSE THERE'S NO SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS.

- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, BUSTER!

HA HA HA HA HA!