Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- GOOD EVENING, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,

XANDOBLONDS, AND RADIATRIX,

AND WELCOME TO THE 23rd GREATER GORDOVIAN TALENT SEARCH.

- I HAVE A B-B-BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

- TONIGHT'S CONTEST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

THE LADY ZORGA,

RULER OF THE GREATER GORDOVIAN PRINCIPALITIES.

OUR LUCKY CONTESTANTS WILL BE VYING FOR

THE ULTIMATE GRAND PRIZE...

A RARE AND VALUABLE GORDOVIAN ENERGY CRYSTAL.

- (CROWD OOHs)

- AND IT GOES TO THE LUCKY WINNER

WHO BEST ENTERTAINS THE LADY ZORGA.

- WAIT TILL ZORGA THE BEAST CATCHES MY ACT.

THAT ENERGY THINGY IS IN THE BAG.

- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, CAPTAIN.

Z-Z-ZORGA HASN'T CRACKED A SMILE IN 23 YEARS.

- OH, YOUR HIGHNESS,

YOU ARE SURE TO WIN THE CRYSTAL FOR MARS.

- AND NOW, PROFESSOR LUGAR VON MAUSER

PERFORMING A DELIGHTFUL SELECTION FROM WAGNER.

- (APPLAUSE)

- (PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES" ON CHEEKS)

- AAH! NO!

OH, OH, PLEASE!

NOT THE PANCREAS!

(SCREAMING)

- (LAUGHING)

NICE WORK, LOSER VON MAUSER!

PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?

YOU'RE STILL WORRIED, AREN'T YOU?

- A L-LITTLE.

- IT SEEMS LADY ZORGA DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE LAST ACT.

- (SNARLING)

- HA HA!

MAYBE OUR NEXT CONTESTANT WILL FARE BETTER.

SO, GIVE IT UP FOR THE QUEEN OF MARS!

- (CHEERING)

- THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD FOR A FEW CHEAP LAUGHS.

MY MAMA DONE TOLD ME

WHEN I WAS IN PIGTAILS

MY MAMA DONE TOLD ME

OH

A MAN'S GONNA SWEET-TALK

AND GIVE YOU THE BIG EYE

BUT WHEN THE SWEET-TALK IS DONE

A MAN IS A TWO-FACED

A WORRISOME THING WHO'LL LEAVE YOU TO SING

THE BLUES IN THE NIGHT

NOW, THE RAIN IS A-FALLING

HEAR THE TRAIN A-CALLING

WHOO-WEE

MY MAMA DONE TOLD ME

HEAR THAT LONESOME WHISTLE

BLOWING 'CROSS THE TRESTLE

WHOO-WEE

MY MAMA DONE TOLD ME

DA HOO WEE DA HOO WEE

A CLICKETY-CLACK AND ANSWERING BACK

THE BLUES

IN THE NIGHT

FROM NATCHEZ TO MOBILE

FROM MEMPHIS TO ST. JOE

WHEREVER THE 4 WINDS BLOW

I'VE BEEN IN SOME BIG TOWNS

AND HEARD ME SOME BIG-TALKING

BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT I KNOW

A MAN'S TWO-FACED

A WORRISOME THING WHO'LL LEAVE YOU TO SING

THE BLUES

IN THE NIGHT

- (WOLF WHISTLES)

- OOH

- OH, LOVELY. OH!

- W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- BEFORE WE LEFT EARTH,

I BORROWED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM OLD I.Q. HI.

- B-BORROWED?

DON'T YOU MEAN S-STOLE?

- SUCH ACCUSATORY VERBIAGE.

WITH THIS ELECTROMATIC PHASE WAVE TRANSDUCIFIER,

I CAN REACH BACK IN TIME TO "BORROW"

THE GREATEST SINGING VOICE OF ALL TIME...

THE VELVET PIPES OF TOM JONES!

- ALL THIS STEALING IS GONNA L-LEAD TO TROUBLE.

- I'M NOT STEALING NOTHING.

WE'LL JUST SWAP VOICES...

TEMPORARILY.

NOW PREPARE FOR ELECTRO-MAGIC!

(SHOW TUNES PLAYING)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

- COME IN. - MR. JONES?

TWO MINUTES TO CURTAIN.

- OH, THANKS.

- IT'S WORKING.

- DO, RE, MI, FA, SOL, LA, TI, DO

THE FANS ARE IN FOR A REAL TREAT TONIGHT.

OH!

DO, TI, LA, SOL, FA, MI, RE, DO

- S-SUCCESS?

- (JONES' VOICE) WHAT'S NEW, PIGGY-CAT?

- OHH!

(DODGER'S VOICE) THAT'S SOME STRONG TEA.

EEP!

SWEET SHADES OF JULIE ANDREWS!

MY VOICE!

- YOU'RE ON, MR. JONES!

- AND NOW, DUCK DODGERS!

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO HAVE FUN WITH ANYONE

BUT WHEN I SEE YOU HANGING ABOUT WITH ANYONE

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO SEE ME CRY

I WANT TO DIE

- OOH! - OH!

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO GO OUT AT ANY TIME

- (PURRING)

BUT WHEN I SEE YOU OUT AND ABOUT

IT'S SUCH A CRIME

IF YOU SHOULD EVER WANT TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE

- (SCREAMING)

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL

IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY

NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY

YOU FIND IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME

AND LOVE WILL NEVER DO

WHAT YOU WANT IT TO

WHY CAN'T THIS CRAZY LOVE

BE MINE?

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE MAD WITH ANYONE

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE SAD WITH ANYONE

BUT IF I EVER FIND THAT YOU'VE CHANGED AT ANY TIME

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO FIND THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU

WHOA OH OH OH, WHOA OH

WHOA WHOA

- CHECK IT OUT!

WHAT DO YOU SAY, LADY ZORGA?

- HEE HEE HEE!

ME LIKEY!

- DUCK DODGERS WINS!

- DID YOU HEAR THAT, CADET?

THE DUCK TAKES IT ALL.

I HAVE THE BEST VOICE IN THE GALAXY.

- Y-YOU HAVE THE BEST VOICE IN THE GALAXY?

- WELL, I GUESS I BETTER NOT GET TOO USED TO IT.

LET'S JUST COLLECT MY RICHLY DESERVED GRAND PRIZE.

UGH!

- GIVE TO ME LARGE KISS!

MMM!

- CADET, PLEASE ADVISE.

- I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S TIME TO START RUNNING.

- (SCREAMING)

- COME BACK TO ME, LOVEY DUCK!

- QUICK, CADET, INTO THAT BROOM CLOSET!

I THINK WE GAVE ZORGAZILLA THE SLIP.

- ZORGA WANT PERSONAL PERFORMANCE!

- (SCREAMING)

- WE WANT TOM JONES!

WE WANT TOM JONES!

- WELL, I GUESS IT'S BACK TO THE COAL MINES.

- THAT'S YOUR CUE!

- (CHEERING)

- (DODGERS' VOICE) IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO HAVE FUN WITH ANYONE

BUT WHEN I SEE YOU HANGING ABOUT WITH ANYONE

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO SEE ME CRY

I WANT TO DIE

- WE GOTTA FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO HIDE!

THE GARBAGE CAN!

QUICK, DIVE INTO THAT COFFEE CUP!

NIMBLE LITTLE BEHEMOTH, ISN'T SHE?

- YOU ARE MINE, CROONING DUCK.

- BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING YOU MAY LIKE EVEN BETTER.

A BROWNIE.

- CHOCOLATE!

- FETCH, JENNY CRAIG!

- YUMMY, YUMMY!

- Y-YOU HAD AN EXPLOSIVE BROWNIE IN YOUR POCKET?

- THE CHEESE DANISH WOULD HAVE TAKEN HER HEAD OFF.

- WHY CAN'T THIS CRAZY LOVE

BE MINE?

- MAYBE THE LIBERACE MUSEUM IS STILL OPEN.

- TIME TO SWAP VOICES AGAIN.

BUT IF I EVER FIND THAT YOU CHANGED AT ANY TIME

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL

(JONES' VOICE) TO FIND THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU

WHOA OH OH OH, WHOA OH

OH WHOA, PHEW!

FOR A MINUTE THERE, I STARTED TO SOUND LIKE DAFFY DUCK.

- IT WORKED!

I GOT MY VOICE BACK!

TIME TO COLLECT THIS ENERGY DOODAD

AND SKEDDADDLE.

- BUT FIRST YOU SING TO ME ONE MORE SONG!

- UH, SORRY, THERE.

UM, SHOW'S OVER.

- SING.

- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

3 LITTLE MAIDS FROM SCHOOL ARE WE

PERT AS A SCHOOL GIRL WELL CAN BE

FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH GIRLISH GLEE

3 LITTLE MAIDS FROM SCHOOL

- CLASS DISMISSED.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

- ADIOS, PANCREAS.

OW! OH! OW!

WAIT! OW! OW! OH!

BITING! OH! OH!

- YUMMY.

- HEY, DOC?

MIGHT I HAVE ONE OF YOUR FROZEN TREATS?

- I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN WHAT HAPPENED

THE LAST TIME I TOLD YOU YOU COULD HAVE

ONE OF MY DELICIOUS NOVELTIES.

I FOUND YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH

COVERED IN CHOCOLATE AND ICE CREAM BAR WRAPPERS,

EMPTY BOXES EVERYWHERE!

- I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T GOING TO BRING THAT UP ANYMORE.

- I'M SORRY, DODGERS,

BUT YOU HAVE FORCED ME TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC.

I'VE HIDDEN MY STASH OF FROZEN TASTIES.

- NO!

- YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

FROM NOW ON, YOU'LL HAVE TO USE THE MACHINES.

- CONSIDER YOURSELF UNINVITED TO MY SUMMER COTILLION.

THAT WAS MY LAST QUARTER, YOU STUPID MACHINE!

NO FROSTY CONFECTIONS FOR ME.

UNLESS I CAN FIND OLD I.Q.'s SECRET STASH.

SWEET ESKIMO PIES!

A FROZEN BOY!

TRAPPED IN ICE FOR 300 YEARS.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, KIDDO,

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

I KNOW AS ONLY I CAN KNOW...

TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM!

AYE, THERE'S THE RUB.

FEAR NOT, MY LITTLE ICICLE.

I SHALL MELT YOU FROM YOUR FROZEN SLUMBER.

PREPARE TO BE AWAKENED,

TO BREATHE AGAIN,

TO FEEL THE SPRING RAIN

BRACE AGAINST THINE GENTLE CONTINENCE.

YE SHALL LIVE AGAIN, MY BOY!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW... IT WORKED!

I'M A DADDY!

(GLASS BREAKS)

SONNY, YOU'RE ALIVE!

AND I AM YOUR PAPA!

- OH.

- OH, MY LITTLE WOODEN-HEAD,

NOW WE ARE FAMILY.

ALL RIGHT NOW, YOU GO AND PLAY

WHILE PAPA CLEANS UP THIS HUGE MESS.

- (SNARLS)

- KIDS CAN BE SO MESSY.

WOW! A SUSAN B. ANTHONY DOLLAR!

EL DORADO!

I.Q.'s MOTHER LODE!

THANKS, SONNY.

DADDY LIKEY.

THERE HE GOES, MY LITTLE MAN...

ALREADY LEAVING THE NEST.

BE FREE, MY SON!

- SOMEONE HAS STOLEN EARTH'S MAGNETIC CORE.

FIERCE ELECTRICAL STORMS, EARTHQUAKES, FLOODS,

AND I CAN'T GET MY PARKING CARD TO WORK!

- S-SOUNDS PRETTY BAD.

- WE NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE.

THE ENTIRE PLANET IS COUNTING ON YOU.

DON'T LET US...WHOA!

OH, EARTHQUAKE!

WHOA!

- YOU HEARD THE MAN. INVESTIGATE!

- WHAT KIND OF FIEND WOULD STEAL MARS' MAGNETIC CORE?

- SOMEONE WITH A GIANT REFRIGERATOR?

YOU KNOW, REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS?

HA HA HA, OH.

- I NEED REAL ANSWERS,

NOT BAD JOKES ABOUT GIANT APPLIANCES.

WHOA! OOF!

YOU MUST CORRECT THIS COSMIC DISTURBANCE

BEFORE MARS IS DESTROYED.

- I SHALL NOT FAIL YOU, MY QUEEN.

- C-CAPTAIN DODGERS, I FOUND SOMETHING.

C-CAPTAIN DODGERS?

- (SNORING)

- C-CAPTAIN DODGERS!

- WHA?

- I'VE TRACKED DOWN THE MAGNETIC SIGNATURE

TO A TRACTOR BEAM STATION B-BETWEEN HERE AND MARS.

- NOW WE'LL SEE WHO'S BEHIND THIS WHOLE MAGNETIC CAPER.

- Y-YOU MIGHT WANT TO...

(LAUGHS)

- (LAUGHS)

- (SCREAMING)

- (SCREAMING)

- HELP US, DODGERS!

THE EARTH HAS BEEN PULLED OUT OF ORBIT

AND IS ON A COLLISION COURSE WITH MARS!

- I HOPE YOUR HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE IS PAID UP.

NOW WE'LL SEE WHO'S BEHIND ALL THIS.

HA, I KNEW IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!

IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS HIM.

- AH.

SOMEONE I CAN REASON WITH.

- DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT WE'VE GOT COMPANY.

- OH, NO.

B-BABY-FACED MOONBEAM.

- I THOUGHT HE WAS IN CRYO-SUSPENSION.

- NAH! YOU GUYS ARE ALL CRAZY MIXED UP.

THAT'S SONNY... MY LITTLE BOY...

I FOUND IN THE FREEZER AND BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE.

- SIR, THAT'S B-BABY-FACED MOONBEAM,

ONE OF THE MOST FIENDISH CRIMINALS

THE SOLAR SYSTEM HAS EVER KNOWN.

HE WAS FROZEN 300 YEARS AGO FOR HIS CRIMES,

AND IT SEEMS YOU'VE REVIVED HIM

TO ONCE AGAIN WREAK HAVOC.

- OH, I JUST KNOW YOU'RE MISTAKEN

BECAUSE THAT'S NOT THE WAY I RAISED HIM.

- B-BUT, SIR, DON'T YOU SEE...

- EXCUSE ME WHILE I CLEAR UP

THIS UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING.

- I-IT LOOKS LIKE EARTH AND MARS ARE DOOMED.

- WHAT WOULD DODGERS DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS?

- C-CRY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

- HMM, WELL, YOU KNOW,

I'M AFRAID WE MAY HAVE TO TRY A MORE SCIENTIFIC APPROACH.

- SON, DO YOU THINK I CAN TALK TO YOU?

- (GROWLS)

- I HOPE I'M NOT...

INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT...

WELL, I'VE BEEN HEARING SOME NASTY RUMORS THAT...

JUST TELL ME THEIR LIES AREN'T TRUE!

YOU'RE STILL DADDY'S LITTLE BABY BOY, AREN'T YOU?

- GRRR!

LOOK!

FIRST OFF, I'M NOT A BABY BOY!

I'M JUST VERTICALLY IMPAIRED!

SECONDLY,

I'M AN EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND

WHO HOLDS DOMINION OVER ALL ELECTROMAGNETIC FORCES!

(LAUGHS)

AND THIRDLY, YOU, IN AN IDIOTIC DISPLAY

OF EMOTIONAL SELF-GRATIFICATION,

HAVE SET LOOSE AN UNHOLY TERROR UPON THE GALAXY.

AND, LET'S SEE, DID I FORGET SOMETHING?

OH, YES.

I EVEN TRIED TO KILL YOU.

- (GASPS)

NO!

I AM YOUR FATHER!

- (LAUGHING)

(GROWLING)

- CADET, IF MOONBEAM'S POWER

IS PULLING OUR PLANETS OUT OF ORBIT...

- T-THEN A SUDDEN REVERSAL OF M-MAGNETIC POLARITY...

- SHOULD PROVIDE A RATHER LARGE SHOCK TO HIS SYSTEM.

- I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, M-MARTIAN.

- (GROWLING)

ENOUGH! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS FOOLISH SQUABBLE.

I HAVE WORLDS TO DESTROY!

- DID I OVERDO IT WITH THE TOUGH LOVE?

(SCREAMING)

- (LAUGHING)

- INITIATING POWER SHUTDOWN.

- REVERSING MAGNETIC POLARITY.

- HA HA HA HA!

HUH?

- THE ORBIT'S STABILIZING!

HE DID IT!

- YES! - YES!

- UH-OH.

- TOO MUCH POWER!

- WHOA!

- THIS GENERATOR STATION IS APPROACHING CRITICAL MASS.

- THEN GO!

G-GET BACK TO YOUR SHIP!

- YOU HAVE PERFORMED HONORABLY, CADET.

- NO!

- (SCREAMING)

- EVAPORATE.

- YEOW!

- NO!

- THE EARTH IS BACK INTO ITS REGULAR ORBIT.

L-LOOKS LIKE WE SAVED THE DAY AGAIN, CAPTAIN.

- AND MOONBEAM?

- N-NO SIGN OF HIM.

- YOU KNOW, CADET,

FOR A MINUTE, HE WASN'T JUST A DIMINUTIVE MADMAN

WITH FREAKISH POWERS OVER MAGNETIC ENERGY.

FOR A MINUTE...

HE WAS FAMILY.

- FATHER!