Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

- (LAUGHING)

- WHEE!

WHOA!

- THE FEARLESS SPACE CAPTAIN IS OUT OF BOTH TIME AND LUCK.

HE COMMANDS HIS CREW TO GIVE HIM MORE POWER!

- OH, CAPTAIN, I'M GIVING YOU ALL SHE HAS.

- WELL, IT AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

- SIR, THE ENEMY IS CHARGING THEIR WEAPONS.

- IN A LAST-DITCH ATTEMPT TO SAVE HIS SHIP,

THE CAPTAIN FIRES HIS LAST REMAINING BLUNDER BOB!

- BLUNDER AWAY!

- AH, MY VACATION HOME IS FINALLY FINISHED.

A PLACE WHERE I CAN ESCAPE MY 9:00 TO 5:00

AND ENJOY SOME SOLACE

IN THE PEACEFUL BOUNTY OF NATURE.

DODGERS.

- (LAUGHING)

- ONCE AGAIN, THE GALAXY IS SAVED BY...

DUMB DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY!

- (LAUGHING)

- N-N-NOW, CHILDREN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO...

(BANGING)

OH, DEAR.

- (RUMBLING)

I'M HUNGRY.

- HEY, LET'S CHECK OUT THE FOOD SYNTHESIZER.

- HOORAY!

- OOH!

- OH, WISE AND MYSTIC FOOD SYNTHESIZER,

PLEASE HONOR US WITH YOUR SUMPTUOUS COMESTIBLES.

- WHAT DO YOU WISH OF ME?

- MACARONI AND CHEESE.

- I WANT A BANANA SPLIT.

- I THINK I'LL HAVE TWO BLUEBERRY PIES.

- AS YOU WISH.

- HEY, WHY DID YOU ORDER TWO PIES?

- WELL, ONE'S FOR EATING...

AND THE OTHER ONE'S FOR THROWING.

- OOH, I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT.

- (LAUGHING)

OOH.

- HA! YOU MISSED ME.

- YOO-HOO!

- GET BACK HERE!

- I'LL MURDER YOU, YOU LOUSY BUM.

- M-M-MAYBE CAPTAIN DODGERS

W-W-WON'T EVEN NOTICE THEY'RE HERE.

- OH, CADET

MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT, BUDDY?

- W-W-WHY, HELLO, CAPTAIN DODGERS.

Y-Y-YOU'RE ANGRY, AREN'T YOU?

- GET THOSE PRECIOUS LITTLE PUNKS OFF MY SHIP.

- BUT MY NIECE AND NEPHEWS

WILL ONLY BE VISITING FOR A SHORT TIME,

AND HONESTLY, THEY REALLY ARE INNOCENT LITTLE ANGELS.

- I FOUND THIS SECRET STASH OF MAGAZINES

UNDER CAPTAIN DODGERS' BED.

- (QUACKING)

- COOL.

- (GULP)

D-D-DON'T WORRY. I'M ON IT.

OH, PORKO, PUERCO, AND SOW!

DO YOU KIDS WANT TO HEAR A STORY?

- NO. STORIES ARE STUPID.

- I WANT TO SHOW MY DISRESPECT FOR OTHERS BY SMASHING STUFF!

- I WANT TO PUT ON MAKEUP AND DRESS INAPPROPRIATELY!

- AND I WANT TO CONTINUE ACTING OUT

DUE TO MY LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

- B-B-BUT I REALLY THINK YOU'RE GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

- WHAT IS THAT THING?

- T-T-THIS IS A HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTION WAND,

AND I'M GONNA USE IT TO TELL YOU A STORY

ALL ABOUT M-M-ME.

- OH, GREAT...A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE ABOUT THE SIDEKICK.

- NOW, T-T-THERE'S MORE TO ME THAN MEETS THE EYE,

AND IT'S ALL WRITTEN DOWN IN THIS BOOK.

- "ONCE UPON A TIME,

"A HAPPY AND PEACEFUL PLANET FELL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.

"THE EVIL ARCHDUKE ZAG LAID CLAIM TO THE LAND

"AND RULED ITS PEOPLE LIKE A TYRANT.

"HIS FIRST ACT WAS TO IMPRISON THE INNOCENT, THEN LAUGH.

"RUFFIAN!

"THEN ZAG FORCED THE POOREST OF CITIZENS

"TO PAY A BURDENSOME TAX!

"MOST UNFAIR!

"AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

"ZAG CHANGED THE COLOR OF THE ROYAL WALLPAPER

"FROM ITS BELOVED PALE MAUVE

"TO A HIDEOUS AND DISTASTEFUL PUCE.

"REALLY!

"SO A CRY WENT OUT

"FROM THE GOOD PEOPLE OF THE PLANET

"TO THEIR GREATEST CHAMPION,

BEGGING HIM TO RETURN."

- SO, THEY CALLED YOU BACK TO YOUR HOME WORLD, HUH?

- T-T-THEY SAID THAT THERE WAS MUCH TROUBLE

AND THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO ASSUME MY STATION.

- WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR STUPID PLANET AGAIN...

OINKA 7?

- S-SWINUS 9.

- CARNITAS 11?

- S-SWINUS 9.

- FARMER JOHNINTON THE 33rd.

- HA HA! OH, CAPTAIN DODGERS,

Y-Y-YOU'RE JUST HAVING FUN WITH ME.

- I'VE GOT TO KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES.

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I'M NOT TOO EXCITED

ABOUT GOING TO A PLANET RUN BY PIGS.

I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE THE STENCH?

ALL THOSE FAT, SWEATY, STINKY BODIES.

YOUR PEOPLE HAVE INVENTED THE DEODORANT, HAVEN'T THEY?

- OH, I GET IT.

Y-Y-YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH ME AGAIN.

- NO, I'M NOT. I'M VERY, VERY SERIOUS.

- D-D-DON'T WORRY, CAPTAIN DODGERS.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE P-P-PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.

I-I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.

T-T-THERE'S SOME STUFF I GOT TO GET IN THE BACK.

- DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE OUT THERE FOR LONG.

YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID OF PIGS.

WOW! PALATIAL PALACES, GLEAMING SPIRES, GOLDEN DOMES...

THESE SWINE REALLY KNOW HOW TO LIVE.

- HUZZAH! HE HAS ARRIVED.

- AT EASE, HOGS.

SIMPLY ADDRESS ME AS CAPTAIN DODGERS.

ALL RIGHT, SPREAD OUT.

WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU WALKING PORK CHOPS?

HUH?

- YOUR HIGHNESS.

- YOUR HIGHNESS?

- G-G-GREETINGS, AMBASSADOR PORKWELLINGTON.

- IT IS GLORIOUS TO SEE YOU SO WELL, MY LIEGE.

BUT I'M AFRAID YOUR COUSIN ARCHDUKE ZAG

IS UP TO NO GOOD.

- ZAG. I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES FOR HIM.

W-W-WHERE IS MY COUSIN?

- HE WENT INTO HIDING THE MOMENT HE HEARD YOU WERE COMING.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! BACK UP.

LUCY, YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO!

- I-I-I'M THE NEXT IN LINE

FOR THE ROYAL THRONE OF S-SWINUS 9.

M-M-MY COUSIN ARCHDUKE ZAG

HAS BEEN RULING IN M-M-MY ABSENCE.

- ROYAL THRONE?

YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?

- PLEASE, YOUR HIGHNESS, THERE ISN'T A MOMENT TO LOSE.

- Q-Q-QUICKLY, THEN, TO THE IMPERIAL PALACE.

M-M-MY FIRST ACT AS THE NEW REGENT

IS TO FREE ZAG'S PRISONERS.

- HOORAY!

- M-MY SECOND ACT IS TO RETURN ZAG'S TAX TO THE POOR.

- HOORAY!

- AND MY THIRD ACT IS TO RETURN THE P-P-PALACE WALLPAPER

TO ITS ORIGINAL P-P-PALE MAUVE HUE.

- (CHEERING)

- THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS. TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE KNOWS.

HEY, CADET, DIG MY FANCY NEW THREADS.

- C-C-CAPTAIN DODGERS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WHY, I'M YOUR NEW GRAND BRASSIERE.

YOU KNOW, MAJOR-DOMO; CONSIGLIERE.

SOMEBODY'S GOTTA MAKE SURE YOU DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

- B-B-BUT I D-D-DON'T...

- SAVE YOUR STRENGTH, MY DEAR LAD.

YOU HAVE TO BE WELL-RESTED FOR YOUR ROYAL WEDDING.

- M-M-M-MY ROYAL WEDDING?

- AS THE LAW DECLARES, YOU MUST MARRY PRINCESS INCENSE

TO FORMALLY TAKE YOUR PLACE AS KING.

THE ROYAL WEDDING WILL TAKE PLACE AT DAWN.

- (CHEERING)

- MY LITTLE GUY'S GETTING MARRIED.

MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE THEM BIG SHRIMP!

(ORGAN PLAYING)

- I D-D-DON'T KNOW

IF I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS, CAPTAIN DODGERS.

- DON'T TELL ME YOUR PICKLED PIG FEET ARE GETTING COLD.

- I N-N-NEVER WANTED TO RULE SWINUS 9.

I C-C-CHOSE TO JOIN THE PROTECTORATE

AND SEE THE UNIVERSE.

- THE UNIVERSE. BIG DEAL! WHAT ABOUT THE PRINCESS?

- P-P-PRINCESS INCENSE

WAS SELECTED TO BE MY M-M-MATE AT MY BIRTH.

I'VE ONLY MET HER ONCE, AT MY F-F-FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY.

- WELL, WHAT WAS SHE LIKE?

- I D-D-DON'T KNOW.

ALL I REMEMBER IS THAT D-D-DEBBIE DUGGER

THREW UP IN THE PUNCH.

- TOO LATE, CASANOVA. THE PARTY'S STARTING.

WOW. SHE'S ONE BARBECUTIE.

- Y-Y-YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

SHE IS KIND OF C-C-C... SHE'S HOT.

- YEAH, THEY ALL START OUT THAT WAY.

THEN ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP ALL ALONE

AND FIND YOURSELF IN AN EMPTY HOUSE

HANDCUFFED TO THE RADIATOR.

I'M NOT BITTER!

- DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE

TO JOIN IN HOLY MATRIMONY

THIS PIG PRINCE AND PIG PRINCESS.

- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

- IF I CAN'T MARRY YOU AND BE KING, NO ONE WILL!

- HE'S S-S-STOLEN MY PRINCESS.

- IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN SHANGHAIED AND HOGTIED!

- HA HA HA!

IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN SHANGHAIED AND HOGTIED!

- NOW HE'S STEALING MY LINES!

- SAVE ME, MY PRINCE.

- (LAUGHING)

- DON'T JUMP! THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER SOWS IN THE SEA.

- (WHISTLING)

- (GASPING)

AND ON HIS WEDDING DAY!

NOOOO!

- SO THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

- YEAH! DID YOU FALL DOWN AND GO BOOM?

- OR DID YOU RESCUE THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS?

- OH, Y-Y-YOU KIDS

DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF T-T-THIS STORY...

D-D-DO YOU?

- YES! TELL US! TELL US! TELL US!

- OH, ALL RIGHT.

- NOOOO!

OH, THE HUMANITY.

(CRYING)

HOW LONG WERE YOU GOING TO LET ME HOWL IN GRIEF?

- N-N-NOT TOO MUCH LONGER.

WE GOTTA GET A MOVE ON.

L-L-LET'S FLY.

T-T-THERE THEY ARE.

I-I GOT AN IDEA.

HANG ON.

- SAY, THOSE WERE SOME PRETTY FANCY MANEUVERS.

- N-N-NICE OF YOU TO NOTICE. I PLAY A LOT OF VIDEO GAMES.

- WHAT KIND OF MOVE ARE YOU GONNA PULL

TO AVOID HITTING THAT FLOWER STAND?

- WHOOPS.

- WOW, WHAT A GREAT TRICK!

- UM, YEAH.

N-N-NOW TO SURPRISE ZAG AND R-R-RESCUE THE PRINCESS.

HALT IN THE NAME OF IMPERIAL T-T-TRAFFIC COURT 839.

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY SOMETHING

WITH A LITTLE MORE BITE TO IT.

- W-W-WE TAKE OUR TRAFFIC LAWS V-V-VERY SERIOUSLY.

- HA HA HA! YOUR PUNY TRAFFIC COURTS WILL NEVER CONTAIN ME!

- HOW ARE WE GONNA GET BACK ON THIS CARPET?

- W-W-WE CAN TRY THE OLD ALLEY-OOP.

- THE LAST TIME WE TRIED THE OLD ALLEY-OOP,

I WOUND UP IN TRACTION FOR 6 MONTHS.

- I P-P-PROMISE TO BE MORE CAREFUL.

- ALL RIGHT, ON 3.

- 1, 2, 3!

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? IT WORKS!

- T-T-THAT'S BECAUSE THIS TIME

I DIDN'T USE T-T-THE BUTTER AND THUMBTACKS.

N-NOW, TO RESCUE THE PRINCESS!

- WE'LL NEVER CATCH THEM AT THIS RATE.

POOR KID NEEDS A LITTLE HELP.

THIS ROCKET BOOSTER SHOULD DO THE TRICK.

THERE.

- WOW, T-T-THAT ROCKET JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

IT ALMOST HIT ME IN THE HEAD.

- PROBABLY JUST SOME OVERENTHUSIASTIC ROYAL WATCHERS

CELEBRATING YOUR WEDDING WITH FIREWORKS...

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OH, NO! A FOOL SNAGGED THEIR ROCKET IN OUR CARPET.

YOU SHOULD MAKE A LAW AGAINST THAT.

- W-W-WE'RE UNRAVELING!

- CURSE YOU, ROYAL WATCHERS!

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE ANY KNITTING NEEDLES ON YOU,

WOULD YOU?

- W-W-WATCH IT.

YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY EPAULETS.

- YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, ZAG.

- OH, MY DEAR, DON'T BE SO CROSS.

AFTER ALL, THAT'S NO WAY TO SPEAK TO YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND.

- I WILL NEVER MARRY YOU, YOU DEVILED HAM!

I'D SOONER DIE THAN BE YOUR BRIDE.

- THEN YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR WISH.

- WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE TO THE POWER CONVERTERS?

- TAKE A LOOK.

- (GASPING)

- JUST ONE LITTLE NUDGE AND IT'S LAVA BATH TIME...

OR YOU COULD COME TO YOUR SENSES AND BE MY BRIDE.

- HEY, HAM HOCK! WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!

- UGH!

ALL RIGHT, SHORTY, YOU AND ME.

- C-C-CHOOSE YOUR WEAPONS.

- YOU CAN HANDLE THIS YOURSELF, RIGHT?

- S-SURE. I'LL FIGHT ZAG. Y-Y-YOU UNTIE THE PRINCESS.

- SOUNDS FAIR.

- I HOPE YOU REALIZE

T-T-THAT I LETTERED IN LASER SABERS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

(BOTH YELLING)

- (GRUNTING)

- NOT BAD. NOT BAD AT ALL.

- HA HA!

- YAAH!

AAH!

(BOOM)

- NOT TO WORRY. THEY'RE BOTH STILL BREATHING.

- T-T-THAT CONCLUDES OUR LESSON FOR THE DAY.

N-N-NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY.

- HA HA!

- HEY, CADET, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- DON'T LET HIM GET UP!

- THIS IS A FALSE ENDING... YOU KNOW, A MOMENTARY PAUSE

WHERE THE HERO HAS THE UPPER HAND,

BUT THEN THE VILLAIN DOES SOMETHING UNEXPECTED

OR REVEALS SOME SECRET DEVICE

WHICH LEADS TO THE REAL DANGEROUS AND EXCITING CLIMAX.

I GUARANTEE HE'S GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.

- Y-Y-YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING UP YOUR SLEEVE, D-D-DO YOU?

- AS A MATTER OF FACT, DEAR COUSIN,

I'VE BEEN DEVELOPING A TECHNOLOGY

WHICH ALLOWS THESE PIGNASIUM BRACERS OF LAVA CONTROL

TO BEND ALL THERMODYNAMIC ENERGIES TO MY VERY WHIM.

- THANK YOU.

- NOW WITNESS MY MIGHT!

I HAVE THE POWER!

- SEE? I TOLD YOU HE HAD A SECRET DEVICE.

- HA HA HA!

- W-W-WOW. IMPRESSIVE.

- WHY NOT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK!

- (ROARING)

- OH, NO. THAT MONSTER WILL TURN MY PRINCE

INTO AN EXTRA-CRISPY PORK RIND!

- OK, THIS IS WHERE THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL

COMES UP WITH A SUPER-INTELLIGENT PLAN.

- BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN.

- YES, YOU CAN.

DON'T YOU SEE? YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD IT INSIDE.

YOU JUST NEEDED THIS MOMENT OF CRISIS TO BRING IT OUT.

- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT! I DO HAVE AN IDEA!

FOLLOW ME.

- (ROARING)

- D-D-DID I MENTION I WAS ON THE V-V-VARSITY FENCING TEAM?

- ROAR?

- WE TOOK STATE.

- (ROARING)

I'M N-N-NOT AFRAID TO USE THESE THINGS.

C-C-CANDLEHOLDERS OR PAPERWEIGHTS?

G-G-GO AHEAD. TAKE THEM. T-T-THEY'RE HEAVY. HA HA!

(GRUNTING)

WHOA!

- (ROARING)

- ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,

IF WE REDIRECT THE DYNAMIC MATRIX

AND ENERGIZE THE POWER STREAM TO 120%,

THE POWER CONVERTERS WILL TRANSFORM THE LAVA MONSTER

INTO PURE ENERGY.

- OF COURSE. IT'S ALL SO SIMPLE!

WHAT DO WE DO?

- JUST PULL THAT SWITCH.

- ALWAYS GOTTA BE THE BIG HEAVY ONE, DOESN'T IT?

- HA HA HA HA!

- N-N-NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP...

(GULP)

- (ROARING)

- HEY, PRINCESS, I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP HERE.

NEVER MIND.

- IT'S WORKING!

- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- D-D-DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR BRACELETS.

I'VE GOT A NEW PAIR FOR YOU.

- I HOPE THE EXILE PLANET IS NICE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

(TRUMPETING)

- DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY

BEFORE WE PROCEED, YOUR HIGHNESS?

- A-AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

I THINK THAT THE LAW THAT WHICH STATES

T-T-THAT I MUST MARRY TO BECOME KING

IS SILLY A-A-AND OUTDATED.

- WHAT?!

- WHAT?

- AND FURTHERMORE, T-T-THE WHOLE IDEA

OF LIFE MATES BEING PRESELECTED AT BIRTH

IS P-P-PRETTY DARN SILLY, AS WELL.

I'M AFRAID T-THAT'S WHY I MUST ABDICATE T-THE THRONE.

- (GASPING)

- DON'T WORRY, FOLKS. HE'S JUST A BIG KIDDER. HA!

ARE YOU SOME KIND OF NUT?

- I-I'M SORRY, PRINCESS INCENSE,

B-B-BUT I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY YOU CAN'T RULE SWINUS 9...

ALL BY YOURSELF.

- (CHEERING)

- PLEASE, THINK ABOUT ALL THE YEARS

I PUT INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP.

THIS IS THE KIND OF LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED...

FOR US.

- THEN I PROMISE TO RULE FAIRLY,

AND YOU'RE WELCOME TO VISIT SWINUS 9 ANY TIME YOU LIKE.

IT'LL GIVE US A CHANCE

TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

- GOSH.

- OH, NO!

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!

I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

(CRYING)

- "AND SO OUR STORY ENDS WITH AN APPROPRIATE,

"YET RATHER TIMEWORN PHRASE.

THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!"

- SO, T-T-THERE YOU HAVE IT.

I HOPE YOU KIDS ENJOYED MY STORY.

- ARE YOU REALLY A PRINCE?

- WITH A MAGIC FLYING CARPET?

- WHO SAVED A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS?

- W-W-WELL, KIDS,

YOU HAVE TO FIGURE THAT OUT FOR YOURSELVES.

- THEN I, PRINCE CADET, WILL RESCUE THE DAMSEL!

- NOT IF THE EVIL DUKE ZAG HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!

- DON'T LET HIM GET ME!

- (LAUGHING)

- THE PRINCESS IS MINE!

- EAT THIS, ZAG.

- I'LL CLOBBER YOU BOTH!

- OH, C-CAPTAIN DODGERS IS GONNA BE T-T-TICKED.

- YAHOO!

THE GRAND BRASSIERE IS BACK IN ACTION, BABY.

- HE'S J-J-JUST A KID AT HEART.