Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND ONE-HALF CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS

AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS

HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND ONE-HALF CENTURY

[SCREAMING]

WHERE IS DUCK DODGERS?

I ALREADY TOLD YOU--

I DON'T KNOW NOTHING, MR. CANASTA!

TALK! WHY, YOU WOULDN'T HIT

A CHICKEN MAN WITH GLASSES!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! DODGERS IS ON VACATION...

ON ROBOWORLD!

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A SIMULATION PLANET.

YOU KNOW, "LIVE THE ADVENTURE!"

THEY USE ROBOTS TO CREATE DIFFERENT HISTORICAL PERIODS.

I HEAR IT'S VERY REALISTIC.

THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION.

AAAHH!

SUCH A POLITE BOY!

SOON, DUCK DODGERS WILL BE ONE DEAD DUCK!

I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!

THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT VACATION!

YES, SIR, YOU CAN'T BEAT THE THRILL OF FIGHTING

A BUNCH OF DEFENSELESS ANDROIDS.

AWW, IS SOMEONE STILL POUTY WITH ME

'CAUSE HE WON'T GET TO SUN HIS BUNS

AT MIAMI BEACH?

WELL, COME ON, IT'S TIME TO LIVE THE ADVENTURE!

WELL, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD, CAPTAIN, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!

HA HA! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A REAL ARTIFICIAL ADVENTURE

EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, CADET? YOU SEEM UNEASY.

R-ROBOTS GIVE ME THE CREEPS.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE CREEPED OUT ABOUT:

UNDERNEATH THEIR LATEX SKIN,

THEY'RE JUST BEAUTIFUL MACHINERY.

[WHINNY]

I REST MY CASE.

YOU LOOK HUNGRY, MY ROBOTIC STALLION.

HOW ABOUT A SHINY ARTIFICIAL APPLE?

AAH! AIN'T NATURE GRAND?

ALL RIGHT, MI MUCHACHOS AMIGOS CON CARNE!

IT'S HIGH TIME WE COMMENCED TO FUNNIN'.

COMPLETE WITH CORNY COWBOY DIALOGUE!

OOH! TAKE A GANDER OVER THERE!

A COMPLETELY HARMLESS ROBOTIC SIMULATION

OF A LAWLESS WESTERN TOWN

THAT NEEDS TO BE TAMED!

IT'S ALL FAKE: THE BULLETS ARE JUST GENTLE BURSTS OF LASER LIGHT

THAT DEACTIVATE THE ROBOTS TEMPORARILY.

W-WELL, IT LOOKS AWFULLY DANGEROUS TO ME.

HA! DANGER IS MY MIDDLE NAME!

I THOUGHT YOUR MIDDLE NAME WAS EDGAR.

I WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY!

OH, YEAH-- M-METAPHORICALLY.

COME AND GET IT, YOU DELINQUENT DESPERADOS!

SORRY. I THOUGHT THAT BAGUETTE WAS LOADED.

ALL RIGHTY, YOU LAWLESS HOMBRES!

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE YOURSELVES UP

AND COME ALONG PEACEABLE-LIKE?

WE'LL NEVER GIVE UP!

YOU'LL HAVE TO DEACTIVATE US ONE BY ONE, LAWMAN!

THAT'S WHAT I WAS A-HOOPIN' YOU WAS GONNA SAY!

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU'RE NEXT, DODGERS!

THERE. THAT'LL LEARN 'EM!

W-WOW, CAPTAIN-- I MEAN, SHERIFF.

YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A GUN.

JUST LIKE SHOOTING LOBSTERS IN A TRAP.

NOW TO FIND A LESS CONSPICUOUS OUTFIT.

HMM! TRIPLE EXTRA LARGE.

JUST MY SIZE!

W-WOW. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE DEACTIVATED ALL THE BAD GUYS, SHERIFF.

WAIT JUST A SECOND!

LOOK! OVER THERE, IN THE SHADOWS!

UM, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.

THERE! WHERE I'M POINTING!

UH, NOT SEEING IT.

SEE? RIGHT THERE! RIGHT OVER...THERE!

YEAH, YOU MEAN NEXT TO THAT BARREL?

NO... TO THE LEFT!

OH, YEAH. COMING OUT OF THAT ALLEY!

I DON'T KNOW. HE LOOKS PRETTY TOUGH!

AS THE DULY SWORN SHERIFF OF THIS HERE TOWN,

I'M COMPELLED TO DO MY DUTY!

UH, YOU'RE NOT THE SHERIFF OF THIS TOWN.

WEREN'T YOU CALLING ME SHERIFF JUST A MINUTE AGO?

YEAH, B-BUT I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.

I DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO MAKE YOU SHERIFF.

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

DODGERS! MY NAME IS CANASTA--

NASTY CANASTA!

AND I'M CALLING YOU OUT!

FINALLY, A ROBOT WITH A LITTLE ATTITUDE!

THE ONLY RUNNING I'M GONNA DO

IS RUNNING YOU OUT OF DODGE!

LOOK, DODGERS. I'M TRYING TO BE ACCOMMODATING AND ALL,

SO GET RUNNING!

WHEN I WAS ELECTED SHERIFF, I SWORE TO UPHOLD THE LAWS

OF THIS WORTHLESS, NO-HORSE TOWN,

AND RID IT OF MISCREANTS LIKE YOURSELF,

SO THAT'S WHAT I AIM TO DO,

OR DIE TRYING!

IF THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE, THEN DRAW!

I HAVE TO WARN YOU: I'M PRETTY QUICK WITH THE PEASHOOTERS!

HO HO! WATCH OUT, BROTHER!

SLIPPERY LITTLE DEVILS, AREN'T THEY?

APPARENTLY.

BUT I WON'T BE NEEDING THEM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

OHH, YOU KNOW!

YOU WALTZ INTO TOWN WITH YOUR DESIGNER SCARF

AND YOUR PLUNGING NECKLINE AND THIS FANCY GUN,

AND YOU THINK YOU CAN SWINDLE THE ELDERLY OUT OF THEIR LIFE SAVINGS

WITH YOUR WORTHLESS MUTUAL FUNDS!

WELL, NOT ON MY WATCH, SISTER!

HIT THE BRICKS, GOLIATH!

AND TAKE YOUR STUPID GUN WITH YOU!

I CAN'T ABIDE A ROBOT WHO'D TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE ELDERLY.

HMM!

FREE SAMPLES!

AAAHH!

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW MUCH BETTER THINGS TASTE

WHEN THEY'RE FREE?

MAYBE ONE MORE SAMPLE.

BYE-BYE, DODGERS.

AHH!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BEAT IT, SHORTY!

SHORTY? I'M NOT SHORT, YOU LAMEBRAIN!

OH, I GET IT.

YUP, HE GOT IT!

W-WOW, SHERIFF, THAT WAS GREAT!

I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING FROM A SAFE VANTAGE POINT

ACROSS THE STREET.

SEE, I TOLD YOU ROBOWORLD IS PERFECTLY SAFE.

I MEAN, IF THAT OUTLAW WERE A REAL GUY,

HIT WITH REAL BOXES AND BARRELS,

HE'D BE IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN RIGHT NOW.

Canasta: OWWWW! OHHHH!

MY PANCREAS! OHHHH!

BUT...HE'S A ROBOT.

HE SEEMS TO BE MOANING AND GROANING UNDER THERE.

YUP, JUST LIKE A ROBOT!

COME ON! LET'S HEAD OVER TO THE SALOON.

ALL THIS WATERMELON IS MAKING ME...

Dodgers: SEE, CADET, THIS WHOLE VACATION IS TURNING OUT SWELL.

THE ONLY THING MISSING IS THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

Woman: EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.

I'M MISS BETSY.

I RUN THIS PLACE.

WELL, MISS BETSY, WON'T YOU JOIN US

FOR A SARSPARILLY?

YES, PLEASE DO!

THANK YOU! SO YOU'RE THE NEW LAWMAN IN ROBO RIDGE?

YES, SIRREE, MA'AM!

TELL ME, SHERIFF, WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

HIT IT, BOYS!

DODGERS, DUCK DODGERS

KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE STARRY SPACE FRONTIER

DODGERS, BRAVE DUCK DODGERS

A HERO KNOWN TO ALL BOTH FAR AND NEAR

ONE TIME CANASTA WAS A-GUNNIN' FOR DUCK DODGERS

WITH HIS LASER PISTOL BLASTING UP THE TOWN

DODGERS GRABBED A MIRROR AND DEFLECTED BACK THE BLAST SO UNEXPECTED

THAT CANASTA GOT ALL SIZZLED, CRISP AND BROWN

NOW THAT'S JUST DOWNRIGHT PAINFUL!

DODGERS, DUCK DODGERS

HE ALWAYS KEPT THE BAD GUYS ON THE RUN

DODGERS, BRAVE DUCK DODGERS

THOSE ROBOTS NEVER PACK A LOADED GUN

IN A BID TO LURE DUCK DODGERS TO HIS RUIN

CANASTA TIED HIS HONEY TO THE TRACKS

BUT DODGERS SMASHED THAT DESPERADO LIKE A SOGGY AVOCADO

CHEWED HIM OUT LIKE CORN TORTILLA SNACKS

SURPRISINGLY REFRESHING!

DODGERS, DUCK DODGERS

TO OUTLAWS HE BROUGHT MISERY AND GRIEF

DODGERS, BRAVE DUCK DODGERS

AIDED BY HIS COMEDY RELIEF

GET YOUR OWN SONG!

THINGS WERE LOOKING BAD THAT DAY FOR DODGERS

'CAUSE CANASTA HAD HIM CORNERED IN THE PASS

SO DUCK LET OUT A BELLOW AND BROUGHT ROBOT BUFFALOS

STAMPEDING DOWN ON OL' CANASTA'S...

YODEL-AY-EE-HEE!

DODGERS, DUCK DODGERS

DANGER HE NEVER DID AVOID

DODGERS, COWARDLY DUCK DODGERS HEY!

'CAUSE HE KNOWS HE'S ONLY FIGHTING AN ANDROID

JUST YODEL!

[YODELING]

[YODELING]

[ALL YODELING]

[APPLAUSE]

WELL, I RECKON THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION.

BUT WHAT LIES YONDER?

ONE OF THEM SEEDY GAMBLER TYPES,

TRYING TO ENTICE SOME POOR SLOB INTO AN ILLICIT POKER GAME.

PARDON MOI, SENORITA,

BUT I HAVE SOME RUFFIANS TO UNRUFFLE.

COME ALONG, DEPUTY.

Space Cadet: Y-YOU MEAN ME?

OF COURSE I MEAN YOU!

B-BUT I WAS NEVER DEPUTIZED.

ABRACADABRA! YOU'RE A DEPUTY!

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

LET'S GO!

SAY THERE, CARPETBAGGER!

I'M THE NEW SHERIFF IN THIS HERE RUSTIC MUNICIPALITY!

AND I'M THE N-NEW DEPUTY!

DON'T PAD YOUR PART.

AND I DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO TWO-BIT DRIFTERS!

LOWER THOSE CARDS WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, SEAMUS!

WELL, LOOKY HERE! THEY MADE A ROBOT OF THAT LITTLE MARTIAN JERK!

I'M NOT A ROBOT, DODGERS.

SO, YOU'RE HERE ON VACATION, TOO?

NO--I'M HERE TO MAKE SURE

THE BOUNTY HUNTER I HIRED

DESTROYS YOU!

HA HA HA! WHAT BOUNTY HUNTER?

[THUNK]

WHERE'S DUCK DODGERS?!

THAT BOUNTY HUNTER.

THAT BIG GOON?

WHY, HE'S JUST A... A SILLY ROBOT.

HA HA HA!

OH, NO. I ASSURE YOU,

MR. CANASTA IS MOST REAL.

AAAHH!

I'M GONNA SKIN YOUR WORTHLESS HIDE!

NO, THANKS. I'M NOT INTO PIERCINGS.

HEY!

S-STAND BACK, YOU M-MEAN OLD VILLAIN, YOU!

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK CANASTA'S A ROBOT.

HE MAY NOT BE...

B-BUT I AM.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW A GUY.

ADIOS, M-MUCHACHO.

WHA--?! THAT THING AIN'T NATURAL!

AAAHH!

AAAHH!

AHH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET.

INDEED.

ONE THING'S STILL GOT ME CONFUSED:

IF THIS CADET IS A CREEPY ROBOT,

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REAL CADET?

AHHH! THIS IS ALL THE ADVENTURE I NEED!

Marvin: AND NOW, MY QUEEN, MAY I PROPOSE MY LATEST PLAN

TO SHATTER THE WILL OF OUR MOST BRILLIANT

AND CONFOUNDING ADVERSARY?

I'M LISTENING.

I WILL STEAL DUCK DODGERS' BRAIN!

INTERESTING.

BUT WON'T A GENIUS OF DODGERS' CALIBER

KNOW HIS BRAIN IS MISSING?

OH, NO. I WILL REPLACE HIS BRAIN

WITH MY SPECIALLY CREATED MECHANICAL MIND.

IT WILL ALLOW DODGERS TO FUNCTION ON A RUDIMENTARY LEVEL

WHILE I UNLOCK THE MYSTERIES OF HIS PSYCHE.

FINALLY! THE SECRETS OF THE GALACTIC PROTECTORATE

ARE WITHIN MY GRASP!

I'LL HAVE ANOTHER!

BUT SIR, YOU'VE ALREADY HAD 5!

IF I SAY I WANT ANOTHER BLAZIN' ONION CURLY FRITTER, I MEAN IT!

THANK YOU. [BURP]

Man on P.A.: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, INTRODUCING...

CASSIOPEIA!

SPACE ANGEL

SINGIN', WINGIN', WAY UP HIGH

SPACE ANGEL

COSMIC SUGAR FLUTTER BY

FLOATING FREAK-OUT UPSIDE DOWN

COME WITH ME, YOU WILL SEE

I CAN KICK IT HYPERDRIVE

HANG IN ZERO GRAVITY

SPACE ANGEL

SINGIN', WINGIN', WAY UP HIGH

AAAHH!

SPACE ANGEL

COSMIC SUGAR FLUTTER BY

WHO IS IT?

IT'S YOUR SPACE ANGEL!

[BURP]

THOSE BLAZIN' ONION CURLY FRITTERS

REALLY PACK A WALLOP!

MAY THE BEAUTY OF THESE FLOWERS BE A SYMBOL

OF OUR EVERLASTING LOVE.

[SNIFFING] YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR SHOES.

I THINK YOU STEPPED IN...SOMETHING.

YOUR MUSIC TOUCHED MY SOUL TONIGHT.

IT RESONATES DEEP WITHIN ME.

AAH!

MY WIG'S ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!

SPACE LEECHES!

AAH!

I'LL GET THEM! STAND STILL!

SECURITY!

POOR KID NEEDS TO CALM DOWN.

HA HA HA! "FAMILY CIRCUS" HAS STILL GOT IT!

OOH!

GOT HIM! BRING US ON BOARD.

[SNORING]

LASER SCALPEL!

CRANIAL SPANNER.

Dodgers: NO ALFALFA...

HYDRO CLAMP.

I'M ASKING DARLA TO THE BALLET...

IT'S WORKING!

ALMOST HAVE IT!

BEHOLD!

DUCK DODGERS' BRAIN!

[FLUSH]

WOW, DO I FEEL BETTER!

MY MIND IS SO CLEAR!

SAY, WHERE DID THIS...

GREAT HAT COME FROM?

IT'S MUCH NICER THAN I.Q. HI'S.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, CAPTAIN.

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, CADET.

WOW! THAT'S A GREAT HAT! WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

LET US AWAY TO THE BRIDGE.

I'M ANXIOUS TO GET BACK TO WORK.

SO YOU CAN SEE HOW MANKIND'S WHOLE "SOCIAL CONTRACT"

IS BUILT ON THE BEDROCK OF HABERDASHERY.

AS THE IMMORTAL BARD ONCE SAID,

"TIS MORE IMPORTANT WHAT RESTS UPONETH A MAN'S SKULL

THAN WHAT RESIDETH WITHIN IT."

[ALARM]

DODGERS, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.

WE'VE LEARNED THAT THE MARTIANS HAVE STOLEN THE BRAIN

OF ONE OF OUR PROTECTORATE CAPTAINS.

POOR DEVIL! ANY IDEA WHO IT WAS?

NO IDEA. BUT WE DO KNOW IT'S BEING ANALYZED

ABOARD THE MARTIAN COMMANDER SHIP AT THIS VERY--

SAY, THAT'S A GREAT HAT. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

SO, YOU WANT ME TO RESCUE IT, EH?

THE HAT?

NO, THE BRAIN!

OH, YEAH, YEAH, THE BRAIN.

YEAH, RESCUE IT. GOOD THINKING!

THANKS! DODGERS OUT.

FOLLOW ME TO THE EVAPORATOR ROOM.

WE NEED TO GET ON BOARD THAT MARTIAN SHIP!

WOW...THAT'S A REALLY GREAT HAT.

"I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA."

PFFT. I'LL BET!

MICRONIZE ME!

BEGINNING INSERTION PROCESS.

I'M PROCEEDING INTO DODGERS' INTELLIGENCE CORTEX.

AND THERE IT IS!

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE-- THERE'S NOTHING HERE!

[BEEPING]

FAT GLOBULES!

[STAMMERING]

RETREAT!

Dodgers: WE'VE BEEN DETECTED.

INITIATE ATTACK SEQUENCE YYZ.

Space Cadet: W-W-WHAT?

JUST TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE WAY.

CAPTAIN, WATCH OUT!

WAY AHEAD OF YOU, CADET.

Robot: SUBDUE THE DUCK WITH THE GREAT HAT.

LET'S MAMBO!

HOW DID HE DO THAT?

IT WAS QUITE SIMPLE, OLD CHUM:

JUST A MATTER OF CHANNELING THE ROBOT'S ACTUATOR

THROUGH IMPROVISED MANUAL CONTROLS.

WHO ARE YOU?

LET'S GO!

OH, THIS IS BAD, VERY BAD INDEED.

BRING ME THE MEDULLA MAGNIFICATION HELMET!

HARMONIZE THE PSYCHIC WAVES!

ACTIVATE!

AAAHH!

[HOLLERING GIBBERISH]

I'M INSIDE DODGERS' MIND.

YUCK! THE INTELLIGENCE CORTEX MUST BE HERE SOMEWHERE.

THAT'S IT!

NOW I WILL LEARN WHAT DWELLS WITHIN THE CORE

OF DODGERS' BRILLIANT MIND!

AAAHH!

WHAT THE--?

SPACE ANGEL

SINGIN', WINGIN', WAY UP HIGH

SPACE ANGEL

Marvin: AAH! AAH!

COSMIC SUGAR FLUTTER BY

AAAHH!

FLOATING FREAK-OUT UPSIDE DOWN

COME WITH ME AND YOU WILL SEE

I CAN KICK IT HYPERDRIVE

HANGING ZERO GRAVITY

Marvin: SPACE ANGEL!

OHHH!

SINGING, WINGING, WAY UP HIGH

OH, DEAR!

SPACE ANGEL!

COSMIC SUGAR FLUTTER BY!

[LAUGHING INSANELY]

UNHAND THAT INNOCENT EARTH BRAIN, YOU MARTIAN VARLET!

HUH? IT'S THE SPACE ANGEL!

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS ON MARS,

BUT ON MOTHER EARTH, WE RESPECT--

NO, WE REVERE THE SANCTITY OF THE BRAIN!

WE HAVE SO MUCH ESTEEM FOR THAT NOBLE LOBE

THAT WE HAVE SPECIAL INSTITUTIONS TO NURTURE THEM.

WE CALL THESE INSTITUTIONS "SCHOOLS."

WE MAKE OUR CHILDREN GO TO THEM, AND THEY ARE TAUGHT BY TEACHERS--

TEACHERS WHOM WE REWARD WITH TEARFUL ACCOLADES

AND LOW-PAYING SALARIES.

AND I SHALL DO NO DISRESPECT TO THAT GREAT SYSTEM--

HERE! TAKE IT, TAKE IT!

I HADN'T QUITE FINISHED MY SPEECH.

TAKE THIS, TOO! TAKE IT ALL!

JUST GET OUT OF MY SHIP!

[LAUGHING INSANELY]

Dodgers: WELL, CADET, IT'S TIME TO RETURN THIS BRAIN

BACK TO THE POOR BEAVER THAT LOST IT.

SURE FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,

WHOEVER HE IS.

OH, WELL. IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED!