Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th

AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS

AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

Woman: "DEAREST MOTHER, GREETINGS VIA SUB-SPACE E-MAIL

"FROM THE DECK OF THE GOOD SHIP LUXURIA.

"CAPTAIN RICHARDS HAS SEEN TO OUR EVERY COMFORT,

"AND THE VOYAGE HAS BEEN NOTHING SHORT OF MARVELOUS.

"BARRING UNFORESEEN INCIDENT, WE SHALL ON EARTH TOMORROW.

SEE YOU AT BAGGAGE CLAIM. LOVE, BECKY."

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

I TRUST YOU'VE HAD A PLEASANT VOYAGE?

YES, CAPTAIN.

TELL ME, WILL WE ARRIVE AT EARTH ON SCHEDULE?

YES, MY LADY.

THAT IS, UNLESS WE HIT AN ICEBERG.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

THAT ICEBERG THING WAS JUST A JOKE.

[GASPING]

IT'S A SHIP!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

I JUST CHECKED THE SENSORS, AND THERE WAS NOTHING THERE.

[BLASTING]

THEY'RE ATTACKING THE SPHERO-BARRIER!

INCREASE POWER TO THE SHIELDS!

[GRUNTING]

BREAK OUT THE ARMS! WE'RE BEING BOARDED!

HA HA!

IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT, CAPTAIN.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

LET ME EXPLAIN HOW THIS WORKS.

I BE CAPTAIN LONG JOHN SILVER...

THE 23rd. I'M A PIRATE...

AND I TAKES WHAT I PLEASES.

WOW, THIS IS BETTER THAN THE SHOW

AT TREASURE ISLAND!

ALL RIGHT, ME HARDIES, DO PIRATE THINGS!

ARGH! ARGH!

[GLUG]

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

WERE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?

UM...

WERE YOU?!

WELL, YA SEE...

I--I DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING BY IT.

IT'S JUST A GENERIC PIRATE THING I DO.

BUT THOSE EARRINGS

WILL BE COMING WITH ME!

OW!

OOPS, I THOUGHT THEY BE CLIP-ONS.

RAH!

GO AHEAD, SAY SOMETHING.

SOMETIMES HE'S A LITTLE SHY AROUND STRANGERS,

BUT HE'S GOT QUITE A VOCABULARY.

[CHATTERING]

NOW, YOU FILTH RAT,

THROW THE SWITCH!

FARE THE WELL, ME BUCKOS.

THERE ARE OTHER SHIPS TO LOOT.

LOCK ALL WEAPONS, AND PREPARE TO FIRE!

[DISTANT EVIL LAUGHING]

IT JUST DISAPPEARED.

Dodgers: CONCENTRATE, DODGERS.

CLEAR YOUR MIND.

BE THE BALL.

Cadet: C-CAPTAIN DODGERS?

WHAT?!

C-CAN I HAVE MY DRINKING MUG BACK?

I'M G-GONNA NEED TO RINSE.

[SIREN]

GREAT.

CALLING DUCK DODGERS. COME IN, DUCK DODGERS.

WHAT UP, BO DADDY?

WE'VE JUST RECEIVED A DISTRESS CALL

FROM THE SPACESHIP LUXURIA.

C-CAN I KEEP IT NOW?

KNOCK YOUR GUMS OUT.

IT SEEMS THAT THE DREADED SPACE PIRATE,

LONG JOHN SILVER THE 23rd,

HAS GOTTEN HIS HANDS ON A TOP SECRET

DISAPPEARO DEVICE.

IT ALLOWS HIS SHIP TO DEMATERIALIZE

AND GO ABOUT UNDETECTED.

HE'S USING THE DISAPPEARO

TO WREAK HAVOC ON THE TRADE ROUTES.

9 BIRDIES, 9 BOGIES,

AND A HOLE IN ONE OR TWO.

HELLO MASTERS!

PAY ATTENTION, DODGERS!

YOUR MISSION IS TO INFILTRATE

LONG JOHN SILVER'S PIRATE ORGANIZATION

AND GET THAT DISAPPEARO

BACK TO PROTECTORATE HEADQUARTERS.

AYE, AYE, IQ.

TAKE OUT LAST YEARS' HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.

WE GET TO PLAY PIRATES!

[QUIET BEEPING]

DID YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THESE YOKELS?

W-WHY WE SHOULD HAVE THE DISAPPEARO DEVICE

BACK IN N-NO TIME.

I'LL CONVINCE THAT MOPE

THAT WE'RE A COUPLE OF REGULAR SCALLYWAGS.

I THINK NOT, DODGERS,

FOR WHEN THIS ADVENTURE IS OVER,

I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THE DISAPPEARO

IN MARTIAN HANDS.

WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

I'M GETTING THAT DISAPPEARO FOR MARS!

I'M GETTING IT FOR THE EARTH.

MARS! EARTH!

MARS!

Silver: GENTLEMEN!

AAH! AAH!

YOU'RE NEXT!

EXCUSE ME, BUT ARE YOU THE FINE FELLOW

HOLDING THE PIRATE TRYOUTS?

AYE! MY NAME BE LONG JOHN SILVER,

SCOURGE OF THE SPACEWAYS.

LONG JOHN SILVER?

ISN'T THAT SOME KIND OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT?

NO, BOYO. IT BE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN.

I HAD ME LAWYERS CHECK.

AH, WELL, MY NAME'S STEEL-EYED BILLY,

ROGUE OF THE ROTUNDA.

AND THIS BE MY CUTTHROAT ASSISTANT,

THE DEADLY, UM...SMORT!

HELLO.

NEVER HEARD OF YA.

NEVER HEARD OF US?

WELL, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES?

NOPE.

THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS?

SORRY.

THE FRESNO FANCY LADS?

LOOK, YOU AIN'T GETTING IN

WITHOUT SOMEONE TO VOUCH FOR YA.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

THIS LITTLE TURNIP WILL CERTAINLY CONFIRM MY STATUS

AS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL SCUMBAG, ARGH!

OH, YES, MOST DECIDEDLY SO.

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, BUT WE GOTTA GET MOVING.

THOSE PROTECTORATE DOGS ARE HOT ON ME TRAIL.

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

T-THESE PIRATES SURE KNOW HOW TO P-PARTY.

OK, REMEMBER: MAINTAIN A LOW PROFILE.

JUST TRY AND BLEND IN.

FOLLOW MY LEAD,

AND WE'LL HAVE THAT DISAPPEARO THING

BACK IN NO TIME.

WHOA!

[CRASHING, YELLING]

OOF!

A-ARE YOU OK, DEAD-EYED BILLY,

OR W-WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS?

JUST REMEMBER: MAINTAIN A LOW PROFILE.

WHAT? A BANANA PEEL!

OH, FOR ALL THE STUPID--

I MEAN, WHO WOULD LEAVE A BANANA PEEL

RIGHT THERE ON THE STAIRS?

EEH!

WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.

YOU PROBABLY EAT A LOT OF BANANAS,

AND ONE OR TWO OF THE PEELS ARE GONNA MISS THE BASKET.

HA HA. AND WHO DOESN'T LIKE BANANAS?

HMM? THEY'RE FULL OF POTASSIUM, RIGHT?

WHO BE PIRATE ENOUGH TO TAKE ME ON IN A CONTEST?

OH-HO, ME SAUCY LAD. ANXIOUS, YA BE.

WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A CHALLENGER!

[CHEERING]

WHAT KIND OF CONTEST?

GOOD QUESTION. WHAT SAY YE, MATIES?

I WAS THINKING OF SOME SORT OF BAKE-OFF.

SOMETHING CRUEL!

SOMETHING CRUDE!

S-SOMETHING GROSS AND DISGUSTING!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE?

GROSS AND DISGUSTING IT BE!

WE'LL HAVE A SPACE PARASITE-EATING CONTEST.

[CHEERING]

All: BRING OUT THE PARASITES!

BRING OUT THE PARASITES!

BRING OUT THE PARASITES!

TONIGHT, WE PROUDLY BRING YOU THE MOST NAUSEATINGLY HORRENDOUS

SPACE PARASITE-EATING CONTEST IN ALL THE GALAXY!

[CRICKET CHIRPING]

THESE PARASITES HAVE GUTS FULL OF ACID

AND LAVA-LIKE PUS THAT OOZES FROM THEIR EVERY ORIFICE.

I KNEW A GIRL LIKE HER IN SAN DIEGO ONCE.

WATCH YOUR CLOTHES, BOYS, THEY STAIN.

I GIVE YOU SPACE PARASITES!

[CHEERING]

ARE YA READY, PRETTY BOY?

BRING IT ON, SUZY.

I TOLD YA, ME NAME'S LONG JOHN SILVER.

SUZY BE MY BROTHER'S NAME.

ARE WE HERE TO REVEAL OUR FAMILY SECRETS

OR TO EAT DISGUSTING PARASITES?

EAT DISGUSTING PARASITES!

MMYAH. MMYAH.

YOUR TURN.

I HOPE A GOODLY PORTION OF THAT

WAS HIS WRETCHED PIRATE BREATH.

OK. NOW IF YOU COULD JUST SORT OF CRAWL TO THE BACK

AND, LIKE, TRY NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING.

NO ACIDIC SECRETIONS. VERY GOOD.

OK. JUST SLITHER DOWN. ATTABOY.

WOW, HE'S DOING IT.

YEAH, F-FOR A MINUTE, I WAS P-PRETTY WORRIED.

YOUR NACHOS, GENTLEMEN.

THANKS. THANKS.

NOW PUSH RIGHT PAST THE ESOPHAGUS,

AND YOU'RE HOME FREE.

[SPLASH]

WHOO! WHOO!

HE DID IT!

[CRACKING]

HEY, MY BACK FINALLY CRACKED!

SO, THE CONTEST ENDS IN A TIE.

PUT HER THERE, PAL. NO HARD FEELINGS.

HAR HAR, ME BUCKO.

THAT WAS JUST ROUND ONE.

WE HAVE A WHOLE ANCHOR TO FINISH.

[SQUISH]

YAH. YAH. YAH.

[LAUGHING]

MMYAH. MMYAH.

WOW. HE ONLY NEEDS TO EAT ONE MORE.

ONE MORE. CAN YE DO IT?

ANY REAL PIRATE COULD.

CAN'T EAT ANOTHER PARASITE.

[GROANING]

Silver: A COWARD? HA HA HA.

I'M DOOMED.

[BURP]

[LAUGHING]

CAN'T EAT ANOTHER PARASITE.

OH, YES YOU CAN.

CONCENTRATE, DODGERS.

CONCENTRATE!

C-CLEAR YOUR MIND.

B-BE THE PARASITE.

BE THE PARASITE.

YOU ARE THE PARASITE!

I AM THE PARASITE.

A STINKING, PUS-OOZING,

WORTHLESS PARASITE.

I AM A STINKING, PUS-OOZING,

WORTHLESS PARASITE!

AHA! I HAVE BESTED YOU IN THE EATING OF FILTH.

SURELY YOU DID.

NOW, ONTO THE SINGING OF PIRATE SONGS.

YES, ONTO THE-- PIRATE SONGS?

I DON'T KNOW...

[ACCORDION PLAYING]

OH, COME AND LOOK AT ME SCURVY LASS

SHE'S CUTE AS SHE CAN BE

ALL HER CAPILLARIES HAVE LOST THEIR GLUE

FOR LACK OF VITAMIN C

HER GUMS ARE WEAK AND HER TEETH ARE LOOSE

SHE'S SURE A SIGHT TO SEE

WITH SPOTS ON HER LEGS AND BACK

SURE, MY DARLING HAS SCURVY

[CLAPPING]

I LOVE THAT ONE. SING ANOTHER.

LOOKS LIKE THE CADET

WILL KEEP LONG JOHN STUPID BUSY FOR HOURS.

HE KNOWS THAT MANY BAWDY PIRATE SONGS?

YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD HIM

AT LAST YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PARTY.

THEN WHAT'S SAY WE SNEAK OFF

AND FIND THE DISAPPEARO?

LEAD ON.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING, CUE BALL.

I'D HATE TO GET CAPTURED BY THOSE CREEPS.

I AGREE.

FUNNY. WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER,

BUT I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW YOU.

WE'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY

TRYING TO DESTROY EACH OTHER.

WHY, WE MIGHT MAKE GREAT PALS!

SO, TELL ME, SOLDIER, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS? WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

WHY, ACTUALLY, I COLLECT A WIDE VARIETY OF--

ME, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR HOBBIES.

I'M TOO BUSY STICKING IT TO THE MARTIANS.

ZAP! ZAP! DA DA DA DA DA DA!

RUN, BLAST, AND ROLL!

TAKE THAT, MARTIAN SCUM!

[GROANING]

HEY, LOOKY THERE.

I BET THAT'S WHERE THEY HID THE DISAPPEARO.

STRANGE THEY'D LEAVE SOMETHING AS VALUABLE

AS DISAPPEARO IN AN UNLOCKED VAULT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, DODGERS?

I THINK I'VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN.

HUH! GOLD AND JEWELS.

DON'T YOU FIND IT AMUSING THAT LOWER LIFE FORMS

PUT SUCH STOCK IN THESE TAWDRY GEWGAWS?

CANNONBALL!

REALLY, DODGERS, HADN'T WE BETTER BE GETTING BACK

TO THE BUSINESS AT HAND?

GOOD IDEA. YOU FIND THE DISAPPEARO,

AND I'LL CLEAN UP HERE.

[SLAM]

HOW STUPID MUST THOSE PIRATES BE

TO LEAVE THIS BOOTY UNGUARDED?

IT'S CLEAR THEY HAVE NO COMPREHENSION

OF THE TRUE VALUE OF THIS WEALTH.

THEREFORE, IT MUST FALL TO ME AS THE PROTECTORATE CAPTAIN

TO LIBERATE THIS LOOT FROM THOSE IGNORANT MISCREANTS

AND KEEP IT FOR MYSELF.

[SCREECHING]

GLAD YOU SEE IT MY...WAY!

AHH!

THE DISAPPEARO MUST BE RIGHT BEHIND THAT DOOR.

Dodgers: WHAT LUCK. A SLEEPING GUARD.

AND LOOK: HE'S GOT KEYS.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

RIGHT.

[LOUD BANGING NOISE]

AAY!

[GROANS]

OH, DEAR, I CAN'T WATCH.

GIMME THAT.

OH, NO.

IS THAT STUPID DOOR STUCK AGAIN?

THE MANAGEMENT ON THIS SHIP STINKS.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THIS.

HOW'S THAT?

YOU MISSED A LITTLE THERE ON THE LEFT.

[CHOPPING]

THAT'S GREAT. THANKS A LOT, BUD.

NOW, YOU BETTER GET BACK TO SLEEP.

YOU LOOK BUSHED.

F-FOR THE DIGGING ON THE BEACHES

AND THE WENCHES AND THE LEECHES

AND BLOODY PIRATE BOOTY IS THE STUFF FOR ME

[CHEERING]

ALL RIGHT, SHORT STUFF,

YOU JUST HANG BACK AND--WHOA!

THE DISAPPEARO DEVICE.

YIE-EE-EE!

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY TURNING IT OFF FIRST.

THANKS.

YOU COULDN'T LIFT IT, ANYWAY.

IT'S MADE FROM THE DENSE MATERIAL

FOUND INSIDE A COLLAPSED STAR.

YOU MEAN LIKE WHAT'S INSIDE OF LIZA MINNELLI?

IF WE ARE EVER TO LIFT THE DEVICE,

WE WILL NEED TO USE THESE ANTIGRAVITY WANDS.

PIECE OF CAKE.

JUST REMEMBER, DODGERS:

WE MUST WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM.

COOPERATION IS A MUST.

YEAH, YEAH. COOPERATION.

IT'S WORKING.

BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THIS BABY

BACK TO GALACTIC PROTECTORATE HEADQUARTERS!

THE MARTIAN QUEEN

IS SURE TO PROMOTE ME FOR THIS.

LOOK, BUCKET BRAIN,

I'M EXPECTING A BIG, FAT BONUS FOR THIS.

WELL, I'M EXPECTING A BIG, FAT PROMOTION!

OH, YEAH?

DODGERS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I CAN'T HOLD THIS UP ON MY OWN.

ADIOS, MUCHACHO.

OOH!

[SIZZLING]

UH-OH.

NOT GOOD.

Silver: OH, NO, ME BOYOS.

IT'S A LOT WORSE THAN THAT.

SO, YOU TRIED TO PULL ONE OVER

ON OLD LONG JOHN SILVER, DID YA?

WELL, I'M ON TO YA, MATIES.

UGH.

AND I KNEW THAT HE WAS IN ON YOUR PLAN

WHEN HE SANG "YOUR CHEATING EYE PATCH" TWICE!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RAN OUT OF PIRATE SONGS.

I DIDN'T. T-THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

YOU'LL NEED A FITTING PUNISHMENT

FOR SENDING ME DISAPPEARO TO THE 4 WINDS,

SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

WALKING THE PLANK?

TAR AND FEATHERING?

HOW 'BOUT A NICE, OLD-FASHIONED KEELHAUL?

YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT OF THIS.

I GOT YOUR BACK.

L-LET'S ROCK.

IT'S A GOOD THINK I TUCKED ONE OF THOSE

ACIDIC SPACE PARASITES

INTO THE CORNER OF MY MOUTH FOR JUST THIS OCCASION.

BLECH!

OK, FIRST WE'LL TAR AND FEATHER YA.

THEN YOU'LL WALK THE PLANK.

AND THEN WE'LL KEELHAUL YA!

HUH?

HA!

HA-ARGH!

ATTACK THE LITTLE LOVERS!

ARGH!

NOT SO FAST, SILVER.

[GRUNTING]

YARGH!

HUAH!

UGH!

[GROANING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[WHIMPERING]

NOTHING DISABLES A GIANT SPACE MONKEY QUICKER

THAN AN ATOMIC WEDGIE.

HA HA HA.

LET'S GET SERIOUS.

AGH!

[GRUNTING]

I LIKE THE CUT OF YOUR JIB, BOY.

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE TO JOIN ME CREW.

NEVER! I'VE SEEN YOUR DENTAL PLAN.

CADET, MARTIAN, THE POWDER ROOM.

W-WHAT DO YOU THINK? P-PLASMA GRENADE?

THAT WILL DO NICELY.

YOU BLASTED FOOLS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

[BOOM]

GET YOUR FILTHY HIDES TO THE LIFEBOATS!

[BOOM]

YA AIN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME, STEEL-EYED BILLY!

THAT'S DUCK DODGERS TO YOU.

Cadet: C-CAPTAIN, DODGERS, L-LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

OH, YEAH, RIGHT. THE SHIP'S EXPLODING.

[BOOM]

[BOOM]

WELL, WE FAILED OUR MISSION,

BUT NONETHELESS, A JOB WELL-DONE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE ACTUALLY MAKE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.

THAT WE DO, DODGERS.

T-THERE'S A LESSON IN HERE S-SOMEWHERE.

BY THE WAY, I STILL HATE YOU.

AND I HATE YOU, OLD FRIEND.

I HATE YOU.