Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE

BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING TYRANNY

IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY

OH, K-9, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A DAY ON THE LINKS

TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF ALL YOUR CARES AND TROUBLES.

I HAVE A FEELING THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!

[BRAKES SQUEAK]

COME ON, BOY!

K-9, BRING ME MY CLUBS.

NOW, BE CAREFUL.

THAT'S A BRAND-NEW SET.

[SNIFFS]

GOOD BOY!

BUT I THINK I'LL TRY THE 3-WOOD INSTEAD.

UM, THANKS, I THINK.

NOW TEE UP THE BALL.

WOW, YOU DIDN'T EVEN GAG ON THE BALL THIS TIME.

OK, CONCENTRATE.

PERHAPS IF I VISUALIZE THE BALL AS SOMEONE I DISLIKE,

THAT WILL PROMPT ME TO HIT IT FARTHER.

OOH, NICE HAT, YOU STUPID FOP.

EVEN AS A GOLF BALL, YOU'RE ANNOYING.

GOLF BALL!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HEY, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE GIANT GOLF--

WHOA!

IF ONLY THAT WERE THE REAL THING.

Small voice: OH!

OH, I SAY! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S QUITE A NASTY BUMP.

OH, NO WORRIES.

NO WORSE FOR WEAR, BUT THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ASKING.

NO TROUBLE AT ALL.

THOUGH I DO WISH THE SURFACE DWELLERS

WOULD EXERCISE CAUTION IN THE DISPOSAL OF THESE WRETCHED THINGS.

AN UTTER LACK OF COMMON COURTESY.

QUITE RIGHT.

HOWEVER, THE POINT WILL BE MOOT

ONCE WE DESTROY THE SURFACE DWELLERS

AND SEIZE THE PLANET MARS FOR OUR OWN.

OH, YES. YES, IT WILL. MOOT COMPLETELY.

OH, DEAR, LOOK AT THE TIME.

OH, WE'D BETTER HURRY, OR WE'LL MISS THE MEETING.

[FANFARE]

[CROWD CHEERING]

HAIL, CITIZEN GOPHERS!

HAIL GOPHERIUS REX,

KING OF THE GOPHERS!

TOO LONG HAVE THE SURFACE DWELLERS FLOODED US OUT,

SMOKED US OUT,

AND MOST DESPICABLY OF ALL,

KNOCKED US OUT WITH THESE PAINFUL WHITE POCKMARKED BALLS!

BUT AT LAST,

THE HOUR OF THE GOPHER HAS COME!

[CROWD CHEERS]

GLORIOUSLY DESTRUCTIVE!

OH, INDEED! ABSOLUTELY APOCALYPTIC!

TOGETHER, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS,

WE SHALL ENJOY THE SPOILS OF MARS!

[CROWD CHEERING]

AND TOGETHER,

WE SHALL OBLITERATE THE SURFACE DWELLERS!

OW!

I SAY, SOMEBODY STOP THAT INTERLOPER!

[WHIMPERS]

OH, YOUR HIGHNESS, MAY WE STOP THE SURFACE DWELLER?

YEAH, YEAH, GREAT. WHATEVER.

JUST STOP HIM FROM DIVULGING OUR PLAN!

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A FRESH MORNING BREEZE TO SETTLE ONE'S NERVES.

[BARKING]

I FEEL MY NERVES UNSETTLING AGAIN.

[WHIMPERS]

[GROWLS]

WHY, LOOK, SOMETHING TO BURY YOU IN!

[WHIMPERS]

[GROWLS]

[MACHINE-GUN NOISES]

[WHISTLES]

BOOM!

[HOWLING]

REMIND ME TO CALL THE PET PSYCHIATRIST WHEN WE GET HOME.

I DO BELIEVE THAT IS THE INTERLOPER'S VEHICLE.

WHY, YES, I DO BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT.

OH, IT LOOKS LIKE LAST YEAR'S MODEL.

I CONCUR. YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL BY THE BUMPERS.

UGH. DREADFUL PLASTIC THINGS.

OH, REMEMBER THE DAYS OF CHROME?

SHALL WE IMPLEMENT OUR PLAN?

YES, WE SHOULD. AFTER YOU.

NO, AFTER YOU. NO, NO. I INSIST.

King: HEY, HEY, YOU TWO!

KNOCK IT OFF AND ELIMINATE THE INTERLOPER.

OH, DEAR. SOMEONE'S HAVING A HISSY FIT.

[GOPHER LAUGHING]

OK, I'VE INSTALLED THE DIVERTER.

WOULD YOU PLEASE CHECK TO SEE IF IT'S WORKING?

YES, OF COURSE. CHECKING THE SYSTEM.

YES, I HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE HOVERCRAFT.

OH, GOODY.

AND NOW IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE THE SURFACE WORLD IS NOTHING BUT ASH AND RUBBLE!

Marvin: OK, K-9.

BACK TO THE HOVERCART.

[BARKING]

K-9!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

READY? READY!

Marvin: OH!

IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO DRIVE,

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DRIVE.

YOU'RE DOING A SPLENDID JOB.

OH, THAT IS SO VERY KIND OF YOU TO SAY.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE IT A GO?

REALLY?

MIGHT I?

SLOW DOWN!

YOU JUST PASSED THE TEE!

[MARVIN AND K-9 YELPING]

OH, NO!

OOH! OOH!

AHH! AHH!

LET'S NOT MENTION THIS AT THE CLUBHOUSE.

I'LL BE TWO STROKES UNDER PAR

IF I CAN ONLY SINK THIS PUTT.

[GOPHERS LAUGHING]

[JACKHAMMER DRILLING]

HUH?

[GROWLING]

JUST ONE MORE ROOT TO GO,

AND WE'LL HAVE ONE LESS SURFACE DWELLER TO WORRY ABOUT.

HUH?

MY DEAR, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS ROOT

IS ABOUT TO BREAK ALL ON ITS OWN.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

Both: TEA TIME!

MY MIND SEES NOTHING BUT THE BALL IN THE HOLE.

BALL IN HOLE.

EXCUSE US, SURFACE DWELLER.

WE HAVE BUT A SMALL QUESTION TO ASK OF YOU.

ARE YOU TICKLISH?

UH-UH.

THEN YOU SHOULDN'T MIND THIS A BIT.

Both: TICKLE, TICKLE!

IS YOUR BELLY TICKLISH?

HOW ABOUT OVER HERE?

UNDER THE CHIN, PERHAPS?

FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN STAND IT.

I'M EXTREMELY TICK--

[LAUGHING]

OH, YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY CREATURE.

TIME TO RETURN THE FAVOR.

YOU WOULDN'T DARE.

WOULDN'T I?

OH, NO! DON'T! KEEP AWAY FROM ME!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I COULDN'T TELL YOU THE LAST TIME

I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH A FEATHER.

OH, HE'S STILL THERE.

NOW, SEE HERE, SURFACE DWELLER,

YOU'RE STARTING TO TRY MY PATIENCE.

I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR NOSTRILS BRISKLY SEASONED.

SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE.

THAT SHOULD DO IT.

OH, PLEASE. THAT TIRED OLD GAG?

I NEED TO BORROW THE TOPPER, OLD BOY.

BUT DON'T WORRY. I SHALL RETURN IT.

OOH, A BAKE-OFF, IS IT?

MM-HMM. LET'S SEE. ADD ONE JAR OF HONEY.

AND A GENEROUS SPRINKLING OF MARTIAN FIRE ANTS.

SHAKE WELL AND SERVE.

[INHALES]

OH, I JUST ADORE A HORROR FILM.

OOH, SUCH A FRIGHTENING FACE.

BUT THIS MIGHT BE TOO GRUESOME TO WATCH.

AHCHOO!

TAKE MY KEYS AND WAIT IN THE CAR.

[WHIMPERS]

AND ROLL THE WINDOWS UP.

INITIATE LAUNCH SEQUENCE.

INITIATE LAUNCH.

[ALARM BUZZING]

Voice on P.A.: CLEAR THE AREA. CLEAR THE AREA.

HEH HEH HEH!

I DO BELIEVE THE INTERLOPER

HAS SPOTTED THE MASTER CONTROL SWITCH.

WELL, THAT OBVIOUSLY WON'T DO.

NO, NO, WON'T DO AT ALL.

THEN, WE REALLY MUST STOP HIM.

CAPITAL IDEA. CAPITAL.

[GROWLING]

[WHIMPERS]

I MUST ADMIT, I DO SO ENJOY

THE OLD DOG-IN-FLY PAPER ROUTINE.

A CLASSIC! AN ABSOLUTE CLASSIC!

THOUGH, IF I MAY SUGGEST A NEW TWIST...

OH, DO. DO!

Marvin: THIS IS IT--THE LAST HOLE.

DON'T YOU FIND THIS TIME-DELAYED PLASMA WARHEAD MAGNIFICENT?

SUBLIME. SIMPLY SUBLIME.

[GOPHERS TALKING AT ONCE]

I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

HUH? AAH!

OH, MY! YOU'VE REALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF.

OH, GO ON.

NO, NO, NO, REALLY, I MEAN IT. GO ON AND ON.

[GOPHERS LAUGHING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

LAUNCH THE WEAPON.

THIS DRIVE IS REALLY GONNA SIZZLE.

AAH!

[HOWLING]

FORE!

OOF! UHH! OH!

K-9...

[WHIMPERING]

HA HA! AW, YOU'RE JUST A WORTHLESS MONGREL.

AHH.

[YELPING]

AAUGH!

WE HAVE A HULL BREACH ON THE LIDO DECK.

WE'RE BEING BOARDED.

SHOW YOURSELVES, YOU PIRATE DOGS.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[PIRATE SNARLING]

I TOLD YOU THESE PROTECTORATE TYPES

WAS LILY-LIVERED POLECATS.

TAKE EVERYTHING THAT AIN'T NAILED DOWN,

AND LET'S GET BACK TO BASE.

I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME

WE PAID OURSELVES A VISIT TO THE...

PLANET EARTH.

[CHEERING]

WELL, YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF

AN EXCELLENT TRAILER THERE, I.Q.

BEST OF LUCK WITH THE FEATURE.

THIS ISN'T A MOVIE, DODGERS.

NOW, I NEED YOU TO OBSERVE THESE BARBARIANS AND LEARN THEIR PLANS,

BUT DO NOT ENGAGE THE ENEMY FOR ANY REASON.

NOT A PROBLEM, I.Q.

HIDING FROM BIG, GRUESOME SAVAGES IS WHAT I DO BEST.

EARTH SHALL FALL!

THEIR PATHETIC WARRIORS ARE NO MATCH

FOR US KLUNKINS!

YUCK. HE'S EVEN UGLIER IN PERSON.

WE SHALL OVERWHELM THE EARTHLINGS.

[CHEERING]

TONIGHT WE SHALL CONQUER THEIR PLANET!

TONIGHT? WE GOTTA GET A MESSAGE TO I.Q. HI.

CADET, LET'S GO!

HEY, YOU, WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!

EH-BU-EH-LOOK WHAT I FOUND--

MEH-EH-MU-MOODNESIUM.

IT'S RUMORED TO HAVE EH-BU-BE-EH POWERFUL PROPERTIES.

WOW, A PRETTY STONE.

WHY DON'T WE JUST SET UP CAMP HERE

AND LOOK FOR MORE PRETTY STONES?

THEN, WHEN THE KLUNKINS FIND US,

THEY CAN MAKE US THEIR SLAVES

AND HUMILIATE US IN FRONT OF THEIR WOMEN.

SNAP OUT OF IT, CHUBS. WE'RE GOIN'!

S-S-SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW EH-BU-BU-WHAT CAME OVER ME.

HA HA HA HA!

COME ON, WE GOTTA SCRAM.

NOW OUR COURSE OF ACTION IS CLEAR.

YEAH, WE GOTTA GET BACK

AND WARN EARTH BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE.

OUR ONLY CHANCE IS TO FIGHT.

HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT, CADET?

YOU SEEM MORE BUFF.

I AM PORK PIGGLER, PIG OF ACTION!

HMM.

CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT,

BUT SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT.

ONCE THOSE SHIPS TAKE OFF,

EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD ON EARTH WILL--

OH, NO! THEY'RE HEADING FOR THEIR SHIPS!

I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

ATTACK!

GOT A HAIRCUT, RIGHT?

FEEL MY WRATH, YOU KLUNKIN BARBARIANS!

OH, I SAY, DID SOMEONE CALL US BARBARIANS?

HOW GAUCHE.

EH EH HA HA HA HA!

WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

NO YOU'RE NOT. WE COME IN PEACE.

WE WISH TO SIT AT THE TABLE AND SPEAK OF THINGS SUBLIME.

Piggler: HO HA HA HA!

MOTHER, NOW IS REALLY NOT A GOOD TIME.

I CAN HARDLY HEAR--

HAAAH!

Old woman: HELLO, LESLIE?

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.

HA HA HA HA! HIS NAME IS LESLIE!

OOH HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!

SUBDUE THE PIG.

FOR A MINUTE, I THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL.

BUT IT MUST BE A DREAM,

BECAUSE IF IT WASN'T, THIS WOULD REALLY HURT.

AND I DON'T FEEL A THING.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, MY WHOLE FACE SEEMS TO BE NUMB.

AAUGH!

HO HO HO!

HE'S HEADED FOR THE FUEL DEPOT.

SOMEBODY STOP HIM!

NEVER MIND.

MORE DREAMING.

WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT BACK TO OUR SHUTTLE,

BUT THERE'S A KLUNKIN SPACE FIGHTER

JUST BEGGING TO BE BORROWED RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

HMM. NEW HAT? LET'S GO.

LET'S JUST FIRE THIS PUPPY UP

AND COMMENCE WITH A HASTY RETREAT.

AAH! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ SPANISH!

CADET, WOULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND HERE?

PRECIOUS. B-BE-UH-PRECIOUS ROCK.

I KNEW I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU

TO FLAKE IN A MOMENT OF PRESSURE.

ONE OF THESE BUTTONS MUST START THIS THING.

EH-BE-BU-PUT ROCK BACK IN P-POCKET.

YES!

THOSE VARMINTS ARE IN THAT SHIP, BOYS.

LET'S GET 'EM!

[PIRATES GROWLING]

NOW WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE AND RETURN TO EARTH.

AH HA HA HA HO!

OH, NO, MY LITTLE FRIEND.

WE WON'T BE RETURNING TO EARTH.

SETTING A COURSE FOR THE KLUNKIN HOME WORLD.

THE PLANET KLUNK!

YEEEE-HAW!

NOW, SEE HERE, DORK DIPSTEIN,

OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE CALLING YOURSELF,

I AM THE CAPTAIN. I GIVE THE ORDERS.

SO HAND OVER THAT MOODNESIUM.

I'M WAITING.

I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN, BUT WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

AAAAAHH!

THIS IS FOR THE FELLAS WHO FOUGHT IN THE DINARIAN CLUSTER.

THIS IS FOR THE GUYS IN COMPANY 12.

AND THIS IS FOR THE BOYS IN THE CHORUS OF

LOVELY LADIES LOVE TO LUNCH.

UH, THOSE ARE JUST ROBOTIC FIGHTER DRONES, RIGHT?

YEAH, ROBOTIC FIGHTER DRONES.

[CRYING]

HEY THERE, SHRIMPO, I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

SPIT IT OUT, YOU LUMBERIN' LUMMOX!

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE SETTLE THIS LIKE MEN, HUH?

MAN TO MAN.

THAT IS, IF YOU'RE MAN ENOUGH.

AAAUUUGHRRR!

RROOOOOAAARRRR!

IS IT JUST ME, OR IS THE TESTOSTERONE

GETTING A LITTLE THICK IN HERE?

YOU SMELL THAT, DUCKIE-MAN?

WHOO OOH OOH OOH OOH!

THAT'S THE SMELL OF FEAR.

OH, BROTHER.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME

YOU GAVE ME THE FUNNY YELLOW ROCK?

PORK PIGGLER, AWAY!

GO GET HIM, BIG GUY.

AAAUGHRR!

RRRAAAAAAH!

AAAAUUUGH!

HAAAAH!

URGH!

HAW HO HO HO HO! EAT DIRT, LITTLE MAN.

UGH!

UGH!

AUUGH!

HA HA! WELL, NOW WE GOT OURSELVES A FIGHT!

OUCH.

ARE YOU READY TO CALL IT QUITS?

AAAAAUGHHH!

SOME GUYS GOTTA LEARN THE HARD WAY.

AAAAAAH!

I GIVE UP.

O GREAT AND MASTERFUL PIG,

NEVER IN OUR BATTLES HAVE WE SEEN SUCH A TERRIFYING WARRIOR.

RULE OVER US WITH AN IRON FIST.

GUIDE US WITH YOUR TERRIBLE MIGHT.

ACCEPT THIS SCEPTER OF POWER,

AND BE OUR BRUTAL KING.

I TAKE THIS SCEPTER TO RULE.

THOSE WHO BOW BEFORE ME AND SERVE ME, I SHALL PROTECT.

THOSE WHO STAND AGAINST ME, I SHALL CRUSH.

I WILL UPHOLD THE WARRIOR'S CODE

FOR ALL KLUNKINS EVERYWHERE!

I PROMISE...

EH-UH-PROMISE? I EH-BU-UH-PROMISE?

O-ON MY HONOR TO DO MY DUTY,

EH-BU-TO BE OBEDIENT AND KIND,

EH, TO BE COURTEOUS AND GENTLE

TO EVERY LIVING THING, B-BU-BOTH GREAT AND SMALL,

EH-T-T-TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT OTHERS,

EH-T-TO BE HELPFUL

EH-BU-TO ALL MY NEIGHBORS

EH-W-WITHOUT EXPECTATION OF R-EH-R-RECOMPENSE,

AND TO BE A G-EH-GOOD EXAMPLE AND ROLE MODEL

EH-F-EH-FOR THE YOUTH OF THE GALAXY.

HUH?

OH, DEAR.

WHAT KIND OF HOOEY IS GOIN' ON HERE?

DO NOT APPROACH THE BARBARIAN KING.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES?

HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!

IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE HE'S GONE SOFT.

ARE YOU NUTS?

HE'S AS CRAZY AND PSYCHO AS ANY OF YOUR CREEPY GOONS.

JUST LOOK AT HIM. WHAT DO YOU SEE?

A WIMPY PIG WITH A SWEET LITTLE SMILE.

YEAH, BUT LOOK CLOSER.

THAT SWEET LITTLE SMILE IS A LITTLE TOO SWEET, IF YOU ASK ME.

IT'S SWEET, BORDERING ON SINISTER.

AND THAT DARLING LOOK IN HIS EYES?

OOOH, IT SENDS SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE.

IS HE WEARIN' FALSE EYELASHES?

PROBABLY, THE LITTLE SICKO.

NOW, STEP BACK SLOWLY.

DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES.

I'D HATE FOR YOU TO GO THROUGH LIFE

AS AN ARMLESS FREAK.

A THOUSAND PARDONS, O SICK ONE,

BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN THE CEREMONIAL FEAST,

LET US BRING FORTH THE CEREMONIAL JHAKRAH.

AW, A P-P-PRETTY LITTLE KITTY.

ARREST THESE WIMPY VARMINTS!

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE?

THAT WAS THE CEREMONIAL APPETIZER.

DIG, SLAVES, DIG!

OH, I TH-THINK I FOUND

ANOTHER PIECE OF ME-M-MOODNESIUM.

YOU DID?

I-I-I'M SORRY, BU-BE-THIS IS

JUST A PIECE OF ELEPHANTANIUM.

ELEPHANTANIUM? WHAT'S IT DO?

AAAAAAH! AAH AH AH! OW OW WHOA.

I HAD TO OPEN MY BIG MOUTH.