Original subtitles

or If Don Juan were a woman...

Did you know Bertha well?

Please God, welcome the soul of your servant.

So that she may live for You now that she has left our world,

and by Your Infinite Mercy, purify her name

of the sins she has committed in the frailness

of her human flesh.

In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son,

who lives and reigns with You in the oneness

that is the Holy Spirit being God

for the centuries to come. Amen.

I didn't know that Old Bertha was one of your friends.

Not at all. I simply stopped by to say hello.

When I came in, I saw that you were busy,

so I waited patiently until you were done.

I'm sorry.

"May he who has never sinned cast the first stone..."

The Bible according to St. John.

Paul, I must speak with you. I must see you tonight.

I am talking to you as a priest now. Will you come?

Definitely not, Jeanne.

I haven't seen you in over a year,

and I don't want to see you now.

The life you lead has never interested me anyway.

- You don't want to listen to me? - No.

What happened to my cousin? I don't know you anymore.

Well, I know you.

I see you haven't changed.

- Are you preaching at me? - No, Jeanne.

You'd be too happy. Preaching is not an issue between us.

I have better things to do than hear about your base acts.

Base acts? You use such unfashionable vocabulary.

To each his own.

- Now get out of here. - What if I don't?

Get out of here.

Paul, I killed someone.

Now I get it.

Are you managing with my paperwork?

Luckily. Or else, you'd be lost.

I'm not sure. I attract money like a magnet.

One day, my poor old father asked,

"Tell me, Jeanne. How will you earn a living later in life?"

Then having said this, he had a heart attack and died.

I inherited a fortune.

You must have looked so shocked by his question that he died.

I can't help it. Fate has always been like a lover.

I'm still young. For the moment, I'm rich.

Well, I'm a poor little rich girl.

Of course, if I had no money, I'd be a rich little poor girl.

As I was saying, I am young and I am rich.

And I'm not such a bad-looking woman.

You see, life is good.

Knock on wood.

Never. That would be far too easy.

I'm telling you, you're going too far.

Leporella, where am I going too far to?

- You're leaving? - Yes.

I don't need you in the morning.

- Will you call me? - Yes.

Damn. I can't believe it. I've got a flat.

Hang on. I can fix it for you.

Do you have a jack?

How's my little cousin? I knew you'd come.

One, two, three, four, five.

Here you are. Do you mind if I carry on?

One, two, three, four, five.

A bearded man. Now who could that be?

I wonder. Must have been an unshaven admirer.

One, two, three, four, five. Jack of clubs.

One, two, three, four, five. 10 of clubs. That means money.

Perfect. That is just perfect, Jeanne.

One, two, three, four, five. King of clubs.

My businessman, who is a bit of an accountant.

No way. This poor man must have become a crook.

Crime pays, Father.

Ace of spades.

That's not good.

One, two, three, four, five. Jack of hearts.

That's me dressed as a boy.

One, two, three, four, five. I've had enough.

How's my little priest?

Can I wash my hands?

You look splendid with your dirty paws. Like a murderer.

You'd kiss me like that when you were 12.

One day you gave me a bloody lip.

- Remember? - Please.

I didn't come so we could reminisce.

So why did you come then?

It's up to you to tell me that.

Come on.

- Did you kill someone? - Not so fast now.

That's no way to make parishioners confess.

You're slipping Paul.

Once upon a time, there was Robin Hood.

In a manner of speaking.

Today Robin Hood thinks he's a man

because he kills cardboard villains.

What a time.

- Who's that? - He's the champion.

And what else does he do?

He's a magistrate, State counselor,

and university professor.

He's brilliant, austere and athletic.

Married?

With a daughter. You interested?

- What's his name? - Pierre. Pierre Gonzagues.

He can even shoot 3 arrows in a cluster.

- Let's go. - Where?

Introduce me.

Pierre Gonzagues. Pierre, a friend of mine.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

We'd like to see you hit the dummy.

I'll try, but it wasn't part of the program.

Putting my honor at stake when I've already won.

- Should I hit this man, madam? - Yes.

In that case...

Head.

Throat.

Heart.

Are you driving me home or to a taxi?

- Where do you live? - In a submarine.

Then I shall have to drop you off.

Thanks.

- Is your wife beautiful? - I think so.

Do you keep mistresses?

I'm a faithful husband.

You don't cheat on her?

I am faithful to my wife, but I may have cheated on her.

That's what they call affairs.

Yes, affairs, liaisons, encounters.

Do you still have a lot of questions to ask me?

Are these... encounters frequent?

No.

- When was the last time? - I don't remember.

You haven't asked why I'm so curious.

All right, I'm asking.

If we made love, would it be for the first and last time?

Certainly.

Well, I've been warned.

Well, indeed it is a submarine.

I told you so.

Do you want something to drink?

If you're offering.

I'll be offering.

Afterwards.

After what?

So I said to myself, here we go, everything's in order, I've won.

let me show you what I do with my champion state councilman.

He thanked me politely for the drink

I offered him... afterwards.

He said goodbye and left as if nothing had happened.

Absolutely nothing.

At least promise to call. Not him. Nothing at all.

And I don't like to be treated in the way I treat others.

I don't like that one bit.

Seducing is nothing, Father.

Conquering is the hard part.

Pierre had attracted Jeanne because he was impossible.

He was an impenetrable fortress

and Jeanne wanted to ride high into this forbidden citadel.

That's the way she is, Father.

It wasn't easy, you know, considering his age,

his wife, his daughter.

I'd like to see you try.

A week later, I had been invited over by his wife.

To be precise, she had invited a famous writer and his date.

I was the date.

Francis, please see if dinner is ready.

Yes, m'am.

- Do you like the house? - Yes.

I do too.

And it's my husband's hideaway.

unfortunately, it's going to be destroyed.

Destroyed?

The highway will run through here.

And all this will be crushed. Pulverized.

It's quite a funny story, published...

- I read your latest book. - Dad.

Thanks. It's vibrant, precise, clear. It's...

- You almost won the Goncourt. - Only two votes away.

Not enough friends in the jury.

Mr. President, do you think the Russians

have left Cairo for good?

Ever since Aswan, no more swelling of the Nile,

so no silt nor plankton.

- Hence, no more sardines. - My husband is a general

and he's always talking about sardines.

They're not the same.

But still if a man is successful.

I disagree.

If a man doesn't dominate his wife, it's not normal.

You just like being dominated.

Ladies, you're both biased.

Dinner is served.

Please come to the table.

It would be a pleasure.

So you're abandoning your old friends tonight?

Perhaps.

What have you got up your sleeve?

It's a secret.

So the house is to be destroyed?

Yes.

You are welcome to come stay with me. Just you.

Please, Jeanne.

- I'll be expecting you tomorrow. - I won't come.

In a few years, people will no longer vote in booths.

They'll use computers.

Note that the vote count was only off by 0.3

during the last election.

Come on, Pierre.

You can't believe we're going to vote by computer.

I'm completely serious here. Excuse me.

- I see you've checked up on me. - Me?

You found out I had a meeting here,

and came to wait for me, right?

Three months of chasing.

Three months of stolen moments and deceit.

So I thought to myself that this had gone on long enough.

Time to gamble the big bucks.

Naturally, I played hearts.

And I had an idea.

After his archery competitions,

my baby bird would spend the night alone in a small inn

to work on his files. To each his own, don't you think

You will leave here immediately.

Yes, I will go. Forgive me.

I'm sure now. I love you. I know it.

You're wrong.

You have no right to say that to me.

Look at me.

What is happening to you?

I don't know. I swear, I don't know.

Now I knew I wouldn't lose him.

Woe betide him who uses scandal to succeed.

I had never noticed before

that it's always woe betide him.

Woe betide him...

Yes, they're all for men.

And why seduce when you can destroy

I, since I am a man, know of no other way to love.

I am a spider, you see.

So I decided to trap my victim in the middle of my web.

I brought him to an island in Sweden. We were alone.

Just the two of us.

I had brought a microscope to see how he would fight.

My curiosity knows no bounds.

How is my Robinson?

Brave Friday go to see white man,

buy supplies for at least three days.

Robinson help Friday carry packages.

Is good. Is good.

Meat, canned foods, salmon, eel,

crab, shrimp, extremely expensive French wine, vodka.

Why did you get enough for 3 days?

Why not?

You want to go back to Paris?

You don't like our Swedish paradise?

You drink a lot. Especially recently.

Yeah.

You drink and you hide, don't you?

No.

Paris.

We were astonished to hear from a reliable source

that Mr. Pierre Gonzagues,

the renowned magistrate,

professor, civilized white man, winner of many awards,

appears to have run away to Sweden

with a person of the opposite sex.

Jeanne.

Listen. This is interesting.

Naturally, Mr. Gonzague's behavior worried his family and friends,

but from that to dropping everything...

But, alas, he did.

Aren't you ashamed? Debauchery. Voluptuous pleasure.

Happiness. What a disgrace.

Yes, what a disgrace.

There was a party at the university.

Pierre didn't want to go,

as he'd given conferences there and was well known.

- No, I won't go. - That's your loss.

I thought he should honor me with his presence.

If you are to know, I'm packing my suitcase.

You'll leave when I say you can.

Not in such a hurry to leave now?

unpack your suitcase, Jeanne.

You're right. I was acting like any old woman.

Don't worry. I can do better.

So can I.

May the best man win.

But I warn you, you're out of your league.

Who do you think you are?

And what if I was the one who left? Who left right now?

Go ahead. I'm not stopping you.

No, Jeanne. Not yet.

I'll go when I'm ready.

And don't you worry either, I'll manage.

I had revealed my true self.

Never had I been so beautiful, yet so ugly.

They're the same thing. He had seen me and it was too late.

He knew who I was. He knew who he loved.

And when a man knows these things, he's lost.

That night, we lost sight of each other.

That night he started following me

and looking for me everywhere.

Jeanne.

Tomorrow he won't believe this happened.

And if the photo were to appear... How awful.

Come on. Let's go.

SCANDAL IN SWEDEN

"Within a night he ruins his career and his family"

- Did you ever see him again? - His wife divorced him.

And I can't stand ex-lovers who turn to drinking.

Even if despair drives them to it?

That's none of my business.

If you give me absolution,

God will be angry at you, don't you think?

Jeanne, you should never speak of God.

I'm sorry. It's a nasty habit.

You purposely caused harm to that man. You're a coward.

Here you go, preaching again.

Personally, I thought it was very brave of me.

You seem to despise me suddenly.

Do you? Really?

What I think of you is my business.

Did you see that man again?

Was he the one you killed?

I'll get it, Mom.

Let me come in.

Don't you have a kiss for me?

I'd like to talk to you.

You didn't answer my letters.

Catherine.

When I phone, they say you're not home.

- Can I talk to you? - No.

You have... You have nothing to say to me?

Go away.

More champagne.

Owning property is a theft.

Excuse me, but I think property is the individual's sole defense

against society and state...

- A brandy. - There is liberty in France.

- Ah, liberty... - A brandy, I said.

You speak of deputies, but prefer to spend your time

drinking champagne. I see you're a connoisseur.

You are the sun.

I am the moon. Let's sing it together.

You've got to shake it. Shake it.

- I asked for a brandy. - No, mister.

- A brandy. - Don't even start.

We told you yesterday not to come back.

But I have money. Look. Tonight, I have money.

Even if I had no money, she would pay.

She will pay. She will pay.

She will pay.

She will pay.

You have to shake it. Shake it.

Do you hear me? You will pay.

Do you hear me? I said you will pay and you will pay dearly.

You will pay.

Jeanne.

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry. - Is he bothering you?

Don't leave. Listen to me. - Thank you.

Stay here. Stay here.

Stay here, Jeanne. Stay.

- Louis Prevost. - Thank you.

That man was following me. I was so scared.

- Do you know him? - I don't think so.

This is Clara. She's my third wife.

I'm picking them younger and younger.

unfortunately, she's always asleep by ten. Not much fun.

I know we don't know each other, but still...

Haven't we met somewhere before?

Possibly. I've been there before.

One day, I asked Louis what he was buying.

He said, I don't know.

I never see the merchandise. A businessman does business.

That's it.

And he likes flowers.

Last year, we celebrated my birthday in Madrid.

It was even worse.

Louis is a bit of a savage.

But I think all men are that way, aren't they?

No, I was civilized.

Yes, but you're not...

A man? I was a man in another life.

- What were you talking about? - Nothing. About horses.

I was saying I bought Barbarella lll in Deauville...

Oh, sorry. For $350,000.

- Tell me, do you like skiing? - I love it.

- Do you like Gstaad? - Yes.

Because I have just bought myself a chalet.

Was this a long time ago?

Not so long. Around 400 years ago.

It was wonderful in Spain back then.

I was rich, noble, brave, and seduced every woman.

It must have been fascinating.

I was young. I died when I was 30.

People did die young back then.

Know the story about the scorpion?

I don't think so.

There once was a parentless scorpion...

Men today have become an endangered species.

What a shame. What a burden.

Burden?

Now women have to do all the work.

- It's true though. - What a story.

So you're sharing secrets?

May I know?

Clara was saying you're a bit of a savage.

Absolutely true. Will you excuse me?

That's how savages behave?

I'm terribly frightened.

You are strong, mean and horrible.

A cannibal.

That too?

One day, I'll eat you. I just love French cuisine.

Clara.

Aren't you ashamed?

She wouldn't dare.

You are such a man.

Louis, I have decided to accept your invitation.

I'm coming to London with you and Clara.

But we won't go by plane, we will take the ferry.

- The ferry? - Yes, it's a fancy I have.

- Were you sleeping? - As you can see.

And you? Are you sleepwalking?

I am in my bed dreaming about you.

Don't forget you are dreaming, Louis.

- And if I were to wake up? - Not now. A little later.

You'll see. I just love living in London.

Good night.

Aren't you sleepy? Me either. You know what we're going to do?

He's a pedophile.

Did you hurt yourself?

No Coke. No barley water. There's nothing on this tub.

Here.

Try to be sexy with your shitkickers.

Breaking and entering. What's the penalty?

- Is this your first crime? - Yes.

Here you go. You'll fall in the category

of extenuating circumstances.

Be erotic...

Isn't what I'm doing erotic enough for you?

Oh, that's not bad either.

Good background. Great stride. And a real dream in bed.

Been after me since Paris. I almost had her on the ferry,

but I was too exhausted. I prefer big beds anyhow.

- Tonight? - Maybe.

- The photo's blurry. - My wife took it. She moved.

Madame isn't answering.

- I am not answering. - Now you understand.

Clara.

Jeanne, was this little m�nage � trois your idea?

Do you know this will be a first for us?

- What's he saying? - I don't know.

I'm not against the idea.

On the contrary. I think it's a great idea.

You think we should?

You're not chickening out, are you?

You all right?

Ladies...

- What are you doing? - We're getting dressed.

- Where are you going? - We're going for a walk.

What are you doing dressed like that?

What were you thinking? Are you coming?

You bitch.

- Louis, we're going out. - Take your clothes off.

Take your clothes off.

You are revolting, Louis. I knew it.

The first time I laid eyes on you,

I saw you were revolting and ridiculous.

Bitch.

How could you possibly think for a second

that I was interested in you?

You didn't understand that it was all a matter of possessing you.

That's all it was. To possess you through Clara.

You didn't understand that.

Go ahead. Go on. Are you a man or a mouse?

You slut.

Don't worry, Prevost. She's all yours.

Gentlemen.

Not bad.

And you, my cousin. Have you ever hit a woman?

Not with these hands.

You made a fool of a man through his wife.

You made him look ridiculous.

Maybe you're the one who drove him to be revolting.

No, he already was.

I was just making sure.

Why do you always seek to discover

the most vile aspects of everyone?

Why show them their weaknesses?

That is the real sin, Jeanne. It's worse than murder.

I can't win with you. For once, I did a good deed.

I ridicule some jerk and you judge me. It's discouraging.

I don't feel like admitting my real crime now.

- You locked the door? - Yes.

- Give me the key. - No.

Come and get it. Don't be scared.

I'm only a woman.

I'm not scared.

Men are all cowards. So are you, Paul.

You're backing away from me now.

Jeanne, stop playing. Be careful.

Give me the key.

Get out.

You are a monster.

A monster? Yes, that's true.

I have done many horrible things.

If I wrote a book of memoirs, it would be censored.

It would be a thick book. And a long one.

With adventures that are totally inane, but true.

If only you knew...

I seduced all of you, Paul. Every one of you.

Now I'd like to throw you all into the Seine

and let her carry you away with my memories.

Jeanne.

Did you kill someone? Yes or no?

Yes, I think so.

No, I'm sure of it.

It was bound to happen. And it could only have happened to me.

Did you sleep with him?

No.

Good. We're making progress.

And yet he loves me. He has loved me for a long time.

And you turned him down. Why?

The more I know men, the higher the price.

- Which price is that? - Mine.

I am becoming exorbitant.

There you go. You're talking like a...

Like a whore?

On the contrary, girlfriend.

Why don't you go pay the bill instead of talking shit.

- Another? - Yes.

- What do you want? - Whatever you want.

- Do you love me? - Yes.

Do you want us to make love here?

Are you ready to give up everything?

Yes.

- Life? - Is that all?

That is nothing.

Is that all you want?

I called an ambulance, but it was too late.

I didn't want him to die. It was just a game.

I didn't want him to.

- Is this the truth, Jeanne? - Yes.

I didn't want him to die.

Please, Paul. I am begging you.

Don't leave me. I'm despicable.

- I'm scared. - What are you scared of?

Will I be punished?

I don't know. I'm not the judge.

I don't want to be weak. Even if I lied.

Even if I murdered.

Even if I love you.

Jeanne.

I've been waiting for you. What are you looking for?

Dough. I gave it all to the cabby. Pay for me, will you?

Listen, I saw him around your place again yesterday.

It's the third time I've seen him.

He has a right to walk around.

- Be careful. - Of what?

I don't know. You have to...

There he is. Don't move.

It's Pierre.

He's calling you. Don't go.

- I'm going. - Are you mad?

What did he want?

A meeting... Tomorrow at 9 a.m.

Where? Here?

No. Where I know. Where you know.

You won't go.

I have to. I swore.

You won't go. You're lying.

I almost never lie.

You're crazy.

Don't go. He'll kill you.

He's a ghost. I don't believe in ghosts.

So why are you going?

It's life. C'est la vie...

You know what men are? No?

They are...

...out of style.

"What about you, Jeanne?" Out of style, me, not really.

Good job, Jeanne. High honors.

You hate men.

You're mistaken. You're gravely mistaken.

I hope some day you'll tell me.

I don't think so. It's too complicated.

Let's snap out of it. Got a cigarette?

Thank you.

I can't recognize anything. Where's the house?

Over there. Look.

You see? I came.

It smells like gas around here.

You drinking unleaded now?

This is hell.

You are going to burn. In the flames.

You are going to burn.

- Speak. - Of what?

Speak.

The time has come, Jeanne.

Look.

Go ahead. Burn. Burn it all down.

Dare to do something. You don't frighten me.

You are repulsive. You are broken.

You're finished. Finished! And I don't care.

I'm sick of you. Of all of you. Of everything.

You're drunk.

Revenge.

GOOD EVENING, CREEPS.

AND WELCOME ABOARD TALES FROM THE CRYPT SCARELINES FLIGHT 666,

OFFERING DIRECT SERVICE FROM YOUR LIVING ROOM

STRAIGHT TO HELL.

AS WE WILL BE EXPERIENCING SOME TUR-BOO-LENCE,

WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU KEEP YOUR SEAT BELTS FASTENED

AND YOUR VOMIT BAGS HANDY.

SO SLIP ON YOUR DEAD-SET AND GET READY

FOR TONIGHT'S IN-FRIGHT ENTERTAINMENT.

IT'S A NASTY TALE ABOUT MY FAVORITE KIND OF GHOULS,

DREAD HEADS.

I CALL IT...

CAME THE DAWN.

CAME THE DAWN

YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH YOUR BOY SCOUT SMILE.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

AND I'M NOT GONNA DO A THING TO STOP YOU.

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES,

AREN'T YOU?

WOULDN'T IT BE MORE FUN

TO DO IT WITH YOUR HANDS?

HOLD THAT THOUGHT

WHILE I GO TO THE LADIES' ROOM.

THEN WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE.

OH--OH, MY GOD! OH!

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO...

SO...BIG!

NO.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE SO...

SO--

YOU'RE SO--

YOU'RE SO...

EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S SOMEBODY IN HERE.

HELLO?

IT'S OCUPADO.

COULD YOU TURN THE LIGHT BACK ON, PLEASE?

HELLO?

THERE'S SOMEBODY IN HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKIN' DEAF?

AAH!

HI. THIS IS JOANNA.

I'M OUT, BUT I'D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

SO PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE...

THAT IS, UNLESS IT'S YOU, ROGER.

IN WHICH CASE, DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE--

JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU BASTARD.

HI. IT'S ROGER.

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE MESSAGES LIKE THAT

FOR EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD TO HEAR.

I'M ON MY WAY UP TO THE CABIN,

AND FRANKLY, I'M BORED STIFF WITHOUT YOU.

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN A VERY GOOD BOY LATELY,

BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS HOPING YOU COULD COME UP HERE,

AND WE COULD KINDA WORK THINGS OU--

DAMN IT!

WHORE!

HEY!

DAMN IT!

JESUS.

MISS, CAN I HELP YOU?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID TRUCK.

WHAT A NIGHT TO BREAK DOWN.

I WISH I COULD HELP YOU,

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS.

DO YOU WANT TO GET IN HERE AND WARM UP,

AND I'LL CALL A MECHANIC FOR YOU?

YEAH.

THANKS.

SURE.

NICE CAR.

THANK YOU.

HERE. PUT THIS ON.

THANK YOU.

OH. UH...

I DON'T WANT TO GET IT WET.

OH, I'M NOT WORRIED.

UH, YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE

A GARAGE OPEN THIS TIME OF NIGHT.

DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU LIVE?

IF YOU FEEL LIKE DRIVING ALL THE WAY INTO THE CITY.

THAT'S WHERE I LIVE.

DAMN.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BUS LEAVES AROUND HERE?

YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

THE LAST ONE LEFT A FEW HOURS AGO.

THIS JUST REALLY ISN'T YOUR NIGHT, IS IT?

NO.

THE INN ISN'T FAR FROM HERE.

DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL AND BOOK YOU A ROOM?

NO...NO, I COULDN'T AFFORD IT.

BUT, HEY, THANKS A LOT FOR TRYING, REALLY.

I'LL JUST SLEEP IN MY TRUCK TONIGHT,

AND I'LL JUST GET SOME HELP IN THE MORNING, OK?

OH, NO! LOOK.

ACTUALLY--

NOW I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FORWARD OR ANYTHING--

BUT MY...

CABIN'S PRETTY LARGE.

I'D BE GRATEFUL FOR THE COMPANY, ACTUALLY.

YOU SURE?

YEAH. I'M POSITIVE.

ALL RIGHT.

MY NAME IS ROGER, BY THE WAY.

WHAT'S YOURS?

NORMA.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NO.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

LISTEN TO THIS.

YEAH, SO?

THIS HAS GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING.

IT'S NORMA, THE DRUID PRIESTESS.

IT'S ONE OF THE GREATEST OPERAS IN THE WORLD.

OPERA?

IT'S A PERSONAL WEAKNESS.

I LIKE TO CURL UP AT NIGHT WITH A BOTTLE OF RED WINE,

LISTEN TO OPERA, AND SOB.

IT'S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.

WHAT ARE WE STOPPING HERE FOR?

WELL, I'M PICKING UP A FEW THINGS FOR DINNER.

DO YOU LIKE OYSTERS?

NEVER HAD THEM.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THEM.

I'LL LEAVE THE HEATER ON FOR YOU.

YEAH, I AGREE.

YEAH, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, DAVE.

HEY, ED.

HI, ROG.

ED, DO YOU HAVE ANY CRISTAL HERE?

YEAH, I DO.

I GOTTA GO, DAVE. I'LL CALL YOU LATER, OK? OK, BYE.

YOU BELIEVE THAT, MY FRIEND DAVE?

SOMEBODY STOLE HIS TRUCK LAST NIGHT.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THIS PLACE IS GETTING WORSE THAN THE CITY.

HEAR ABOUT THAT LADY THAT GOT KILLED A FEW NIGHTS BACK?

SOMEBODY GOT KILLED?

YEAH, IN THE WOMEN'S TOILET OVER AT THE RESTAURANT.

CHOPPED HER UP LIKE A ROASTED CHICKEN.

HACKED OFF HER ARMS.

SPLIT HER UP THE MIDDLE.

JESUS, ED.

STATE BULLS DON'T GOT A CLUE.

BUNCH OF MORONS. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO TOOK DAVE'S TRUCK.

I DARE THAT BASTARD TO COME IN HERE.

I'LL PUT A HOLE IN HIM THE SIZE OF A BUICK.

THEY'LL HAVE TO TAKE HIM DOWN TO THE MORGUE IN A BUCKET.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU NEED?

YEAH, SOME OYSTERS. YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE MALPEQUES LEFT?

YEAH, I GOT ABOUT A DOZEN.

IT'LL JUST TAKE A SEC TO WRAP THEM UP.

WHEREABOUTS DID YOU SAY THAT TRUCK WAS STOLEN?

ABOUT 5 MILES DOWN THE ROAD.

ROGER, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESSAGE I LEFT BEFORE.

CAN I TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER?

ROGER?

SAY SOMETHING.

SORRY, HON, YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON.

THIS IS NORMA, THE DRUID PRIESTESS.

WHO IS THIS?

SON OF A BITCH.

YES!

OH, SHIT.

OH, JEEZ.

YOU WARMING UP A LITTLE?

YEAH, STARTING TO.

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, BUT OLD ED'S BEEN

HITTING THE MOONSHINE AGAIN.

COME IN. COME ON IN. IT'S REALLY COOL.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

WOW.

WOW, THIS PLACE IS REALLY SOMETHING.

THANK YOU.

MIND ME ASKING WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

WELL, I IMPORT THINGS,

MAINLY FROM EUROPE--

USED FURNITURE, OLD KNICK-KNACKS,

BITS OF CANVAS WITH PAINT ON THEM.

COOL!

OH, YOU LIKE THE PAINTING?

AHH. YOU LIKE WEAPONS.

IT SO HAPPENS THAT THAT AX WAS USED

DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION

TO CHOP OFF HEADS.

REALLY?

CAN I TOUCH IT?

SURE.

SEE ALL THOSE NOTCHES ON THE HANDLE?

15. ONE FOR EACH HIT.

IS THIS FOR REAL?

AS FAR AS I KNOW, IT'S JUST AN AX.

I INHERITED IT AND MY BUSINESS FROM MY MOTHER.

HER PHILOSOPHY WAS YOU ATTACH A STORY TO EVERY OBJECT,

AND THEN YOU JACK UP THE PRICE OF THE OBJECT.

HMMM.

THAT'S MY MOTHER, BY THE WAY.

IN THE PAINTING.

YOUR MOTHER WAS SOME PIECE OF WORK, HUH?

SHE WAS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS.

THERE'S A MASTER SUITE UP THERE.

YOU CAN CHANGE AND SHOWER.

THERE'S SOME DRESSES IN THE CLOSET.

ARE YOU MARRIED OR SOMETHING, ROG?

OH--THE DRESSES BELONGED TO A WOMAN

WHO IS NO LONGER PART OF MY LIFE.

WAS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

I'D JUST RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT IT'S OVER.

OK.

I'LL TAKE A LOOK.

IN THERE?

LYING SON OF A BITCH.

OUT OF YOUR LIFE, IS SHE?

AS OF WHEN? A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO?

CHRIST. YOU CAN STILL SMELL THE PERFUME ON HIM!

MEN!

THEY'RE EITHER CHEATING ON YOU

OR CHEATING ON SOMEONE ELSE AND USING YOU TO DO IT.

BUT NOT WITH ME!

AND BOY, ARE YOU IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE.

FITS OK, HUH?

YEAH.

IF YOU LOOKED ANY BETTER IN THAT DRESS,

I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAND IT.

BUT IT'S NOT COMPLETE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST INDULGING A LITTLE FANTASY.

TURN AROUND.

SURPRISES.

I LOVE SURPRISES.

GIVE ME A HINT.

THIS USED TO BELONG TO CATHERINE THE GREAT OF RUSSIA.

AND IT'S NOT CHEAP.

CAN I SEE? SURE.

OVER HERE.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S ONLY AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE ONE WHO WEARS IT.

DINNER'S READY.

SO, AFTER NORMA DISCOVERS THAT HER LOVER POLLIONE

HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HER,

SHE DECIDES TO COMMIT SUICIDE

BECAUSE SHE'S BROKEN HER VOW OF CHASTITY.

BUT, AT THE LAST MOMENT, POLLIONE JOINS HER,

AND TOGETHER THEY WALK TOWARD THE FUNERAL PYRE

AS THE CURTAIN DROPS.

THAT'S IT?

THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?

THE GUY CHEATS ON HER, AND SHE KILLS HERSELF?

WELL, SHE--SHE DOESN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF HIM,

SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE'S BROKEN HER VOW OF--

NO. SHE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE GOLD

AND SPLIT TO PARIS OR SOMEWHERE.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT MORE BELIEVABLE.

BUT NOT POETIC. ALL OPERAS ARE FILLED

WITH LOVESICK MARTYRS WHO END UP DYING.

THAT'S WHAT OPERA'S ALL ABOUT. LOVE AND DEATH.

LOVE AND DEATH. I LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES I THINK MY OWN LIFE IS LIKE AN OPERA...

OR AT LEAST MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN.

I LIKE STRONG WOMEN.

I LIKE ALL WOMEN.

BUT I SEEM TO BRING OUT THE WORST IN THEM.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. I LOVE THEM--

THE WAY THEY LOOK, THE WAY THEY SMELL,

THE WAY THEY TALK,

THE DEMURE WAY THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM

WITH THEIR SKIRTS HIKED UP AROUND THEIR WAIST.

THE WAY THEY LAUGH.

SO THAT'S ME.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

LIKE WHO YOU ARE...

REALLY.

LIKE WHAT YOUR NAME IS.

I KNOW IT'S NOT NORMA.

LIKE WHY DID YOU STEAL THAT TRUCK?

YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?

I'M NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE.

I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL ME TRUTH, THAT'S OK.

NO, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

I CAME UP HERE LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND.

HE TOLD ME HE WAS ON A FISHING TRIP

WITH HIS BUDDIES FOR THE WEEKEND,

AND IT TURNS OUT HE'S SHACKING UP WITH SOME BIMBO.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DEALT WITH IT.

SO NOW I CAN'T GO HOME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I UNDERSTAND.

YOU DO?

YOU CAN STAY HERE AS LONG AS YOU LIKE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I FEEL THIS...

CONNECTION WITH YOU.

I FEEL IT, TOO.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS

WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BE IN CONTROL.

DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU THOUGHT STRONG WOMEN WERE SEXY?

YEAH, BUT HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA TIE ME UP AND ROB ME?

OR MAYBE EVEN SLIT MY THROAT?

WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF?

HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA THROW ME OUT IN THE MORNING?

AW, I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU.

CAN'T WE JUST MAKE LOVE?

SURE WE CAN.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME.

UNTIL I'M READY TO BE TOUCHED.

I DON'T THINK I CAN WAIT THAT LONG.

SURE YOU CAN.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME

LIKE YOU WANT ME TO TRUST YOU.

DON'T YOU THINK TRUST IS SEXY?

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT?

THERE'S SOMEBODY DOWNSTAIRS.

WAIT HERE.

HELLO?

WHO'S THERE?

WHERE IS SHE?

JOANNA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, ISN'T THIS SWEET!

DINNER FOR TWO, CHAMPAGNE FOR TWO,

AND MY COLOR LIPSTICK ON THE GLASS!

LET ME EXPLAIN!

YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE TROLLOP IN OUR BED, DON'T YOU?

YOU'D STICK YOUR DICK IN A SHRUB IF YOU THOUGHT

THERE WAS A RODENT IN IT.

YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

I'LL FIX HER ASS FOR GOOD!

PLEASE. PLEASE.

YOU GOTTA LEAVE.

SHE GETS DANGEROUS WHEN SHE'S LIKE THIS.

YEAH, WELL, SO DO I.

PLEASE, PLEASE, THERE'S NO TIME.

DON'T TOUCH ME!

LET'S GO!

HERE.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

PLEASE JUST LEAVE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.

BASTARD.

SHIT.

WHERE IS SHE?

DO I HAVE TO DO TO HER

WHAT I DID TO THE ONE IN THE RESTAURANT?

CALM DOWN!

COME ON, ROGER!

WHY DO WE HAVE TO PLAY THESE GAMES?

JOANNA, CALM DOWN.

YOU KNOW I'LL FIND HER!

I WON'T STAND FOR IT. DINNER FOR TWO!

CHAMPAGNE FOR TWO!

AND MY COLOR LIPSTICK ON THE GLASS!

YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE TROLLOP IN OUR BED!

YOU'D STICK YOUR DICK IN A SHRUB

IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WERE A RODENT IN IT!

YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

I'LL FIX YOUR ASS FOR GOOD.

SLUTS LIKE YOU CAN FOOL ROGER,

BUT YOU CAN'T FOOL ME.

OH, MY GOD! ROGER!

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE THAT BITCH AT THE RESTAURANT.

I'LL FIX YOUR ASS FOR GOOD!

ROGER IS MINE.

HMM. I KNOW THEY SAY BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN,

BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT

REDHEADS REALLY KNOW HOW TO SWING!

HEH HEH HEH!

SO, 'TIL NEXT TIME, KIDDIES,

I HOPE YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

BUT I'VE GOT A LITTLE PRIVATE BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO FRY. HEH HEH HEH!

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO JOIN THE MILE DIE CLUB!

WHOO! WAHOO, OH DEAR!