All language subtitles for Bud Abbott Lou Costello Meet The Invisible Man (1951)

All hail
beloved alma mater

Steadfast and loyal
we will be

This is the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.

How did I ever graduate?

I slipped the guy 20 bucks.
Now, keep quiet.

...Dugan's Detective Training

And now we graduate
from Dugan's

Experts in criminology

And since they say
that crime won't pay

We will fight crime
with good old DDT

Men, I have taught you
all I know.

You've studied hard
and learned well.

Well, most of you.

You have earned the Dugan
Detective Training diploma.

And the DDT diploma on an office wall
means a steady stream of clients.

Bud Alexander.

In accordance with my agreement
with the students who graduate,

you will receive a trial with
a recognized detective agency.

Report to the MacQuillan Agency
in the Fort Building.

- Give him this card.
- Thank you.

Louis Francis.

Thank you.
Thank you!

You've been seeing too many
Sherlock Holmes pictures lately.

Take off that cap.

A detective has to dress
so he won't attract much attention.

Come on, put that down.
That is not a lollipop.

Look, turn on
the police calls.

Hurry up.
It might tip us off to something.

I'm glad MacQuillan
gave us the night shift.

Maybe we can grab a case
and solve it ourselves.

Hey, just imagine, Lou.

We get a tip on a bank robbery.
Better yet, a murder.

And we follow the murderer
to his hideout.

Yeah.

And then we go
to his hideout,

and then we start
searching the place.

Yes, but remember,
death lurks in every corner.

And, suddenly,
the murderer comes in.

Fellows,
interested in a case?

- A case?
- A case of what?

Shh! Quiet. Yes, yes.
You want us to handle a case?

Yeah.
Which one of you is MacQuillan?

- I am.
- I am.

- Who's who?
- He's Mac, I'm Quillan.

- You can just call us Bud and Lou.
- Both of us.

Attention,
all cars and stations.

Be on the lookout for Tommy Nelson,
escaped murderer.

He is 5'11", weighs 165,
blue eyes, brown hair.

When last seen, was wearing
dark felt hat, overcoat.

Nelson?

Isn't that the middleweight who killed
his manager after his last fight?

That's what
they said.

You know, if we weren't taking your case,
I'd grab that murderer.

Excuse me. I don't think
you have to look very far.

Keep quiet. I've got to
mark down his description,

5'10", weight 165,
blue eyes, sandy hair.

Put down,
"Turned up collar and soft hat."

Quiet. The man
wants a telephone.

Bud, if that ain't Tommy Nelson,
it's Frankenstein.

Frankenstein!

Hello, Helen?
Is anyone around?

Good.

I must see the doctor at once.
I'll be right over.

There's money in this
for you fellas.

- How much?
- Plenty.

Take me to 823 Maple Street

and I'll tell you all about it.
Let's go.

- That's him.
- Who?

- Tommy Nelson.
- Oh, I'd love to get my hands on him.

Come on, let's go.

- I can't see a thing.
- Turn it around.

Bud, look!

What?

It's only a moth!
Come on.

Tommy, I've been so worried.

I want to see
the doctor right away.

You fellas wait in the library over there.
I'll be right back.

Excuse me.

Hey, she called him Tommy.
That's Tommy Nelson, the escaped killer.

Stop jumping at conclusions.

What would an escaped killer want
two private detectives for?

- So he can catch himself?
- So he... Come on.

Tommy.
Is this wise?

The police know
about you and Helen.

This is the first place
they'll look.

And those men
you brought with you...

It was my only way
of getting here.

But can you
trust them, Tommy?

If you'd brought me
the serum while I was in jail,

I wouldn't need
to trust anybody.

What did happen?

Did you make up
your minds that

maybe I killed O'Hara after all?

That's not fair, Tommy.

Uncle Phil has been working
day and night on the formula.

- You told me you had it developed.
- I do, my boy.

You can see for yourself.

Pripitane serum was discovered
years ago, and it works.

One injection, and the cell structure
becomes transparent.

Well, what are you
waiting for?

Come on, jab me with
one of those needles,

and the police
will never catch me.

Then I'll be free to find out who
really killed O'Hara.

And inside of a week,
you'd be a raving maniac.

That's what the formula
did to its discoverer, John Griffin.

No.

I've got to
take that chance.

Do you want to go insane,
as John Griffin did?

You want to be shot down
like a mad dog as he was?

He never regained
his visibility until he was dead.

When he willed me
this formula,

I swore I'd never use it until
I'd found some safe reagent,

some means of
bringing a man back in time,

some method of
avoiding insanity,

perhaps even
restoring visibility.

But, Doc, I can't wait.
Unless I clear myself, it means the chair.

So what difference
does it make?

Come on. Come on. Attaboy.
Come on, you can make it.

- Boy, did you see that?
- What happened?

- What happened?
- Yeah.

The halfback just ran
around his own end.

Some trick.

We interrupt our program
to give you a police bulletin.

Have you seen this man?
He's Tommy Nelson, escaped murderer.

There's a $5,000 reward
for his capture.

If you have any information,
phone River...

- What number?
- ...8181.

- Thank you.
- Hey, you're absolutely right.

This guy is the killer.

- Let's get outta here. Come on.
- No, you can't go now.

We've got a great case.

We'll grab the murderer
and get the reward.

We can't do that.

- This guy hired you and I...
- Now, wait a minute. Just a minute.

Nevertheless, he's a rat.

- Because he killed his fight manager?
- No.

Because he didn't tell us there was
a reward for him.

I'm sorry, Tommy.
I can't do it.

- It's the police.
- Come on.

Let's sneak out the back way,
and they can't catch us.

Good. Come on, let's go.
Hey, wait a minute.

We're detectives.
What am I running for?

- Am I a crook?
- You want me to answer that?

Tommy, it's the police.

Stall them off, and I'll try to
get out the back way.

All right, men,
take your positions.

It's a legal search warrant,
my dear.

But it's perfectly ridiculous.

I've been ridiculous
before, beautiful.

Roy, you and I
will take the upstairs.

Joe, you cover the back.
Eddie, you stay right here.

We've got
to catch Nelson

before the cops do
and collect that reward.

I'll watch out in the hall
and you watch here.

No, you ain't gonna
do that to me now.

All right, then you watch here
and I'll watch out in the hall.

Okay.
That's the same thing!

Hey, we've got him.
He can't get away.

Look, now...

Bud! Bud!

Don't worry,
he can't get out.

Neither can I!
Bud!

Mr. Nelson, I don't
want the reward.

I'm for you.
Let's shake hands on it.

Attaboy.

Don't forget,
we get the reward.

My pal's got him covered.
That boy is always on his toes.

Well, where is he?

- Always on his toes, huh?
- Give me a lift.

Come on, Lou.
Snap out of it.

- Come on, boy.
- Here, I'll give him a whiff of this.

What happened?
Bud. I want to tell you something, Bud.

- Here's Bud. Over here.
- Hiya, Bud.

Come here.
Where did Tommy Nelson go?

- Where did he go?
- He disappeared.

- Well, how did he get out of here?
- In installments.

- Installments?
- Yeah, he did a Gypsy Rose Lee.

That's all that's left of him.

Well, evidently
Nelson changed clothes.

What was he wearing
the last time you saw him?

Air.
Nothing but air.

And then he asked me
how he looked.

Wearing air?
What are you talking about?

He was standing right here,
and then I shook hands with him.

His hand was gone.

Then I went to speak to him,
his head was gone.

Then he took off his shirt,
his body was gone.

He took off his pants,
his legs were gone.

- Then he spoke to me.
- Yeah?

I was gone.

This guy's a psycho
if I've ever seen one.

Now, would you mind coming to
the police station

and telling a real nice man
just what you told us?

- Don't you believe what I saw?
- Sure I do.

Why, things like this
happen every day.

They do?
Where have I been?

I don't know
where you've been,

but I know where
you're going.

So you let him get away.
Now we can't collect the $5,000 reward.

Double-crosser!

You kicked me.

And what's the idea of
calling me a double-crosser?

That wasn't me, that was him.
That was him.

Now, don't lie!

Ow. Ow!

Come on, now, boys.
Break it up. Break it up!

Now, don't keep the nice man waiting.
Come on.

I know. I know.

You saw this man
disappear into space.

That's right.

- Do you always see things?
- Only when my eyes are open.

And have you ever seen
anyone disappear before?

Yes, sir.
My brother.

Uh-huh. This may have been the start of
this complex, seeing things.

Tell me about it.

Well, my brother and I,
we were walking down the street.

- All of a sudden, he disappeared.
- Into thin air?

No, into a manhole.

How about voices?

Do you ever hear strange voices
coming out of the air?

Yes, sir.

Uh-huh.
When does this happen?

When I get the wrong number
on the telephone.

Got a headache?

Suppose you go over there
and lie down?

Why? Don't you believe me,
sitting here?

- Would you get over there, please?
- All right.

Here, lie down.

Perhaps we can find out something from
your subconscious mind.

- Now, tell me, what's wrong with me?
- Well, you see...

Would you get
down there?

Often the conscious mind
will lie,

but from the subconscious,
we get the truth.

You know where the subconscious mind
comes from?

The subway?

Now, look into my eyes.
You're going to sleep.

You're going to sleep.

- Sleep. Sleep.
- One, two, three, four, five, six...

- What are you doing?
- I'm counting cows.

- Cows?
- I'm allergic to sheep.

Sleep. Sleep.

Sleep.

- And now you are asleep.
- I am?

Come, come.
You must go to sleep.

We must find out
why you are seeing things.

Here. Now, watch this.
Concentrate on this.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

You forgot to say,
"The mouse ran up the clock."

But, you've got to
go to sleep!

I can't, I'm too busy
looking at this clock.

But you must concentrate on that.
We've got to help you.

We've got to
make you better.

But first, we've got to find out
what causes these things.

We must find out...

- What's with that psycho?
- Nothing yet.

- Well, find out what's cooking.
- Okay.

Wake up, will you, please?
Wake up. Please wake up.

Will you please wake up?

- Hey, what's happened here?
- I don't know.

He was trying to put me to sleep with
this watch, like this here.

He kept saying,
"Sleep. Sleep. Sleep."

Tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock.

You see, officer?
I was...

Where's your head?

Wonder what the doc
is doing here so late.

Somebody's gotta
be there.

You think anything
happened to him?

I hope so.

Come on, we'll find out.

Oh, why don't
you all get up?

Hey, Doc, will you
help me to get them up?

Come on.
Will you get up, fellas?

Doc! Doc!

What's the matter?
What's happened?

What happened? You were trying
to put me to sleep with your watch.

Tick-tock,
tick-tock, tick...

Oh, no.

Give me that watch.
Get out of here.

- Get out of here!
- Take it easy.

Doc, did you
find out anything?

Yes, once before,
he saw his brother disappear.

- Into thin air?
- No, into a sewer!

A fine detective you are.

You not only messed up
our first case,

but you proved to the cops
that you're a moron.

I did not. They did.

I didn't mean to frighten you.
I have a message from Tommy.

He wants you to prove
that he's innocent.

- I have a $500 retainer for you.
- Five hundred bucks?

You're to take this grip to the south end
of Riverside Park.

You know, that
deeply wooded section.

Leave the grip there,
and Tommy will contact you.

Here's the $500.

We'll get in touch with you
at your house.

Any messages for Tommy?

Oh, yes. Tell Tommy my uncle
is working on the reagent.

Thanks for the $500.

Well, that's that.
Now all we...

So!

He's invisible, eh?

Then why
take clothes to him?

Hey, wait a minute.
What are you two cooking up on me?

What did this guy
give you to escape?

Come on.
Don't lie to me.

Uh-huh,
just as I thought.

$500.

Well, you'll get no parts of this $500
or the $500the dame gave me.

That'll teach you to be honest,
someday or other. Well...

Oh... Yeah?
No, you don't.

No, you don't.
Now, you leave that alone!

Touch that again,
I'll break both of your arms.

You take this grip...

I told you not to
touch it, didn't I?

Now, give me that bill.

I said put it there and leave it there.
That's better. Now you...

Give me that bill.
Give me your hand.

Put it in my hand like that
and leave it there.

Now, take
this grip here,

take it down there to the car,
and I'll be right with you.

Hurry up.

Wise guy.

Hello, operator?
Give me police headquarters.

Tommy? Tommy?

Here's your grip, Tommy.

Was he in there?
Yeah, he was unpacking and I'm packing.

What are you talking about?
What did you see?

An empty woods,
full of Tommy Nelson.

Now, don't give me
that invisible stuff again.

Honest.

And there were footsteps
with no feet.

And a grip that was
unpacking itself.

All right, boys,
let's go.

Hey, that's some disguise, Tommy.
The cops will never recognize you.

I'm not gonna
get near any cops.

And I'm counting
on you guys to help me.

Oh, you can trust me.

Tommy.

You can trust me,
too, Tommy.

Thanks.
Let's shake on it.

Uh...

Come on,
let's get out of here.

If I'd known it was you that phoned,
I wouldn't have come.

Now, if this is
a wild goose chase...

There happens to be
a sitting duck right in my car.

Now, you bag him
and I'll bag the reward.

I'm not interested in the reward.
I want Tommy Nelson!

I got the keys
in my pocket.

Tommy,
don't get excited.

I mean, after all, there's no use you
losing your head.

'Course, I mean...

Oh, Tommy.

Not again.

All right, Tommy,
come out with your hands up.

What? You again?

I knew you'd do something like this.
What did I tell you?

Take me to the station!

Are you gonna see
that nice man again?

Yes, and I'm gonna have
my head examined.

Lieutenant, I'm sure I saw another man
in the car when we drove up.

Then I'll have your head
examined, too. Come on.

- Well, what's your alibi now?
- He did it again.

And you did it again,
after me phoning the cops to be here.

You...

And you did that again.
Now, don't be smart.

I told you not to
get smart, didn't I?

Now, I'll show you
who is the boss.

No, I'll show you
who's boss.

Who said that?

The voice is familiar,
but I can't quite place the face.

You brought the cops here,
so you tried to double-cross me again.

Oh, no, it's Tommy Nelson.
Lou, he's here!

I touched him.

I think he touched you back.

Listen, you two, if either of you
ever cross me again,

I'll break every bone
in your bodies.

Tommy, I didn't
do anything.

Don't give me excuses.
Get in the car.

- Okay.
- Yes, sir.

- Not in the front, in the back.
- Yes, sir.

Give me the keys.
Hurry, the keys!

Fine pal you are.

Stand there
and watch me get beat up.

Bud, believe me,
I didn't see a thing.

Yeah.

Boy, I sure
scared that guy.

Say, Tommy, if we get in an accident,
do you bleed, too?

Mr. Nelson,
I want to apologize.

Okay, from now on,
we'll work together.

Say, Tommy, you didn't kill your
fight manager, did you?

The evidence says I did.

When I stepped out
of the shower that night,

I found O'Hara on the dressing
room floor, beaten to death.

The officer at the door swore no one else
had entered the room.

So, they hung it on me.

We believe you,
Tommy.

Uh, Mr. Nelson,
I forgot to tell you

that Miss Gray said her uncle
is working on the reagent.

That's fine.

Without it, I could become a raving maniac
with an uncontrollable urge to kill.

You ain't kidding.

I hope he's got
his driver's license.

I hope he's
in the car.

Pull over to the side.

Tell him.
He's driving.

I said,
pull over to the...

Now, tell it to me again.

But I've told you
three times.

Well, tell him again.

I saw a car with nobody driving
somebody.

Sorry, Tommy, I didn't know
you was behind me.

Hey, what are
you doing?

Rowing. I gotta be
at Staten Island in 20 minutes.

You better hurry.
The tide's going out.

Now, in preparation
for his fight with young Malloy,

the leading contender
for the middleweight crown,

the East Side's favorite son,
Rocky Hanlon.

He couldn't lick Tommy Nelson.

- So, that's Rocky Hanlon, huh?
- Yeah.

The night I fought him, my manager O'Hara
and a gambler named Morgan

made a deal for me
to take a dive.

I crossed them and knocked Rocky out
in the second round.

- So, that's why they killed your manager.
- Yeah.

And that announcer there,
it was Stillwell.

He runs this place.

Look, I need you guys
around the gym to help me out.

So, tell him you'd
like to train here.

You leave it
to me, Tommy.

Mr. Stillwell.

In close, Rocky.

Watch that jab. That's it.
Keep putting 'em in there.

Keep that left up.

Keep him working.

Look, Morgan,
the Colonel's down front.

It ain't smart if it gets around
that you own Rocky.

I know what I'm doing.

This fight will put us
all in the blue chips.

Yeah. That's what you said before Rocky
fought Tommy Nelson.

Well, this time
there'll be no slip-up.

Malloy dives in
the sixth round.

- Does his manager understand that?
- I keep asking him if he does.

Keep asking him if he knows what
happened to O'Hara.

Beat it.

Uh... He don't look like much
of a fighter to me,

but you can train him here
as long as you pay me.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

In case a substitute is needed
on a fight card,

should I
give him a bout?

- Sure, give him a bout.
- Yeah. Okay.

Give me a bout?

Yeah. Give me about 20 minutes
to get out of town.

Now, now, listen.
We told him you were a fighter.

- You've gotta live up to the name.
- Bud, you know I'm no fighter.

- Oh, what's the difference?
- Look, watch this.

- Tommy, you here?
- Yeah, this is our first move.

Now, stick close to that bag,
and I'll do the rest.

I've never seen
anything like him.

Why, the
little guy's wonderful.

Hey, you're missing the greatest exhibition
I've ever seen.

Look!

- Stay down. Stay down. Stay down.
- Come on.

Great stuff, fella.
You punch a bag just like Tommy Nelson.

That's what
I've been telling myself.

- Hey, Steve, get a picture of this fella.
- Wait a minute.

I made 40 grand last year.
What was your take?

- About 10% of that.
- Well, then pay attention to me.

Hey, you,
make with the camera.

Bud, he's ready to blow up.
Start working on him.

Hey, just a minute, chum.

This butterball could smear you
all over the map.

Bud, don't say that.

And I'll repeat it.
He can smear you all over the map.

That's it.
Steam him up, Bud.

And while he's doing that, what do you think
I'll be doing?

- Smearing my map all over the place.
- You said it.

- Now, both of you, shove off.
- Shove off?

That's sailor talk.
Yeah, like taking a dive.

Listen, nobody has to
take a dive for me.

I can whip anybody my weight.
That includes you!

Bud, let him smear your map
all over the place.

So, now you wanna
fight me?

Well, if you're looking for a fight,
I'll give you one.

- Lou, take a poke at him.
- Me?

Yes, you. Do you want him to think
I'm a coward?

Look, I'll fight the two of you.

- You couldn't even lick him.
- Oh, yes, he could.

Now, wait a minute.
Take a punch at him. I dare you.

- I double dare you!
- Stop coaxing him!

- What a slugger!
- I couldn't even see the punch.

- It was a right cross.
- No, it was an uppercut.

Say, what punch did you use?

It was sort of a half Nelson,
maybe a whole Nelson.

What's your name?
Louie Francis.

- Louie Francis?
- Mmm-hmm.

"Louie the Looper."
What a story.

- Where have you fought?
- Well, I...

- Tell them something.
- Okay, Tommy.

Listen, I haven't had a fight
since I went to school.

- Well, say something.
- Okay.

I can remember the classes,
but I can't sort of remember the names.

Let me see.

Yes. I licked Chucky LeMange in the fourth
and Chuck Grant in the sixth.

And the teacher
licked me in the eighth.

- The teacher?
- He means his trainer.

- Are you his manager?
- Sure.

Would you consider a fight between your boy
and Rocky Hanlon?

Yes.

What are you talking about?
Rocky fights young Malloy next week.

That's right,
I'm fighting Malloy next week.

Sure, Rocky's fighting
Malloy next week.

Not after the story
I'm writing.

A Hanlon-Malloy waltz
wouldn't draw flies.

Attention, sports fans.
My first exclusive.

The Rocky Hanlon/Louie
the Looper fight is set.

And I say, watch this boy,
Louie the Looper.

His looks are deceiving,

but there's no denying
his punching ability.

I was the first
to recognize Joe Louis.

And in studying Louie the Looper's
deceptive style,

half Tony Galento, half Benny Leonard,
I say, watch this boy.

I'll call.

- What have you got, Lou?
- Pair of jacks.

- And you, Bud?
- Queen's up.

No good.
Three 10s, you lose.

Tommy, you are
the luckiest guy.

Say, Tommy, what's the idea
of us living in this high-class gyp joint?

For the benefit of
our gambling friend, Morgan.

Hmm.

Cut the cards.

What's the matter?
Don't you trust me?

How do you like that?
I think somebody's cheating.

You can say that again.

Ante.

- What are you doing?
- Well, you gotta ante, Tommy.

Okay,
I'm dealing.

By the way, Tommy,
what is your plan?

Well, Morgan will hear that you guys are
a couple of free spenders, see?

And figure you can be reached.

He'll make a contact,
and we'll lead him on.

Then, the night
of the fight...

Tommy, do I have to go into the ring
with Rocky Hanlon?

What are you worrying about?
I'll be in there with you every minute.

I'm dying to take
a crack at Rocky.

And I'll be in there
just dying.

I open.

I'll stay.

Cards?

One.

Give me two.

One, two, three.

I bet.

I'll raise your bet.

I'll raise you.

Hmm-hmm.

I see that,
and I raise you.

Now that's me out.

I raise again.

What are you doing?

I wanna make sure
you're not peeking.

Oh, Miss Gray.

- Is Tommy here?
- Yes. Please come in.

Tommy, Helen is here.

Hello, Helen.

Tommy.

Oh.

We oughta hang a bell
around this boy's neck.

Maybe he's inside changing his clothes.
Clothes? What clothes?

I'll be
right out, Helen.

Lou. I guess you two
want to be alone.

No, Bud, not Helen and me.
Helen and Tommy.

Ah, come on.

- Goodbye, Helen.
- Goodbye...

- I still think somebody's cheating.
- Come on.

Helen,
you shouldn't have come here.

You may have been followed,
and the police could spoil my plans.

I'm sorry, dear.

I've been so worried.
Last night, there was fog.

And in fog or smoke,
they can see you.

I'll be careful,
so don't worry.

It isn't only that, Tommy.
My uncle is worried, too, about the...

About the effect
of the drug on my mind?

Well, tell him I never thought
more clearly in my life.

I've never felt so free.

Invisibility gives me a sense of power,
for good or for evil.

Tommy, that feeling of power,

it might be a symptom.

- Please come back to the laboratory.
- I can't.

I must have time to clear myself.
Another day, a week at the most.

Then your uncle can try
whatever he wants.

All right, Tommy.

But for my sake,
please be careful.

I will.

Goodbye, boys.

- Goodbye, Miss Gray.
- Goodbye, Helen.

If he starts acting strangely,
call me.

If he starts acting strangely,
I won't be able to open up my mouth.

We'll call you
if anything happens.

- Thanks. Goodbye.
- You're welcome.

- Where are we going?
- To the Bubble Room.

That's Morgan's hangout.

And the quicker you meet Morgan,
the quicker we'll get action,

and I crave action.

- Who is it?
- Detective Roberts.

Tommy, you craved action.
Well, you're gonna get it.

Come on,
get out of here.

Just a minute,
Detective Roberts.

Yeah.

Now, you stand there.
He won't be able to see you.

On your knees.
On your knees!

Attaboy.

- What can we do for you?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.

I just wanted to check up
on what you've seen today.

Are you still seeing
men disappear into thin air?

Or is today
flying saucer day?

This guy needs
a pie-chiatrist.

What I need is information,
and I want it quick.

I trailed
Nelson's girl here,

and I know she didn't come
to see you two guys.

Now, where's Nelson?

You can believe me.

I have not seen him
since last night.

That goes for me, too.

Oh, so, you haven't
seen him, huh?

Okay, Nelson,
get your hands up!

What...

What's this?

My laundry.
I'm sending it out.

Your laundry!

Don't forget to say hello to that
nice man with the watch.

Tommy? Tommy?

The glass belongs here.

Tommy, it's not polite
to make noise when you eat.

But, I'm starved.

I'll have
the lamb chop luncheon.

Yes, sir.

- I know what I want. Spaghetti.
- And a steak.

What do you want?

- Spaghetti.
- And a steak.

You said you knew
what you wanted.

Do you want
spaghetti or steak?

I'll have a spaghetti
and a steak.

Yes, sir.

I used to be a juggler.
Many, many... In the time...

You care
for anything else, sir?

Uh, um... Yeah, yes.

You can get me that swell-looking
dish there for a side order.

Waiter, bring two dishes.
I want to go halfies.

That's Boots Marsden.
I had a hunch she was tied up with Morgan.

But he doesn't even
look like a fighter.

He's fat and short.

So, he won't have so far to fall
when he takes a dive.

Start working, baby.

Hey, she's
coming this way.

I must have caught her eye.

May I join you?

Sure, sure.
Sit here, Miss Marsden.

Move over.

Move over.

I hope you don't get
the wrong impression of me,

but I have two good reasons
for wanting to meet you.

The first one is,

when I read what Louie the Looper
did to Rocky Hanlon,

I said to myself,

"There's a man."

That's the first time anybody ever
said that about me.

And the second reason?

I'm a woman.

That's even better
than the first one.

How about a little drink?

No, thank you.

Not here.

I like privacy.

There's nothing like
wearing something comfortable

and turning
the lights down low

and having a nice cool drink
with a nice warm person.

Yeah, but my place at the Carlton Towers
is overcrowded.

The Carlton Towers?

Now, isn't that a coincidence
or fate or something?

I live at
the Carlton Towers, too.

Hey, that's great.
I live there, too.

I hope you
like your room.

I'll be home
all evening.

Boots, Boots, Boots.

Shut up. You sound
like Gunga Din.

Morgan's made
his first move.

Tonight he'll make his second.
Or I should say, she will.

Boots, spaghetti.
What a combination.

What are you stuffing
in your mouth?

No.

- Bud.
- What's the matter?

I don't wanna do this.

Now, listen. All we're trying to do is prove
that Tommy was framed.

You see this
recording machine here?

All you've to do
is start it.

Then we'll get
a record of what she says.

And then you'll have a record
of what I say.

No, come here.

Listen, all you have to do
is lead her on.

Come in.

Good evening.

Good night.

What did you
say good night for?

I think she's
getting ready to go to bed.

So...

- Come in, Louie.
- Oh...

You shouldn't
have done that.

I know, I'm just
a little squirt.

Flowers? For me?

Yes, ma'am.

How thoughtful. Put them
over there on the table.

Mmm-hmm.

I just love flowers.

They're like true friends.

They see so much
and hear so much

and yet they never talk.

It sure would surprise people,
if they did.

Don't move.
Stand where you are.

I'm caught.
I didn't mean anything.

Don't talk.

That light
on your profile,

it shows your iron will,
your rugged individuality,

your indomitable courage.

Oh, darling. I always want to see you
the way you are now.

It's your looks
I'm worried about.

Not that
you can't beat Rocky,

but one lucky punch
from him could ruin that profile.

And then I'd lose
all interest.

You mean, you wouldn't like me
if I wasn't pretty?

Of course, I mean it.

When it's so unnecessary.

There's more money to be made losing
a fight than winning one.

All you have to do
is agree to get knocked out.

You can even
name the round.

First round?

Mmm-mmm.

Second round?

Mmm-mmm.

Third round?

How many rounds
can you last?

Suppose you agree
to three rounds.

Then some nice friend will deposit
a lot of money in the bank for you.

How am I gonna know the nice man
that's gonna put the money in the bank?

Maybe I can
arrange a meeting.

I'll phone, but remember,
all of this is off the record.

Louie.

Everything's set.
We're to go to the Bubble Room.

Oh, Louie,
you won't regret this.

Oh, Boots, let's fight
another round.

What was that noise?

That's off the record.

Tommy, please listen.

He must be made to realize the danger
of his mental condition.

Tommy,
the doctor is afraid.

Afraid?
Afraid of what?

That he'll never
find the reagent?

That I'll never be
visible again?

Well, tell him
not to worry.

I feel...

I feel much better
this way.

No one can touch me,
not even the cops.

That makes me a nemesis.
It makes me a dictator.

Tommy, please, Tommy.
Take it easy.

Hello, he's all right, Helen.

I'll take care of him.
He's just a little drunkey.

Sure,
sure, I'm drunk.

Drunk with the power
of invisibility.

I am the ruler
of an invisible empire.

My loyal subjects I will reward.
My enemies I will destroy.

To be or not to be.
Alas, poor Yorick.

A horse, a horse,
my kingdom for a horse.

Put that down.
Pour us a drink.

You...

You heard me.
Pour a drink.

Look. What's the matter
with this one?

That one?

Yes, that one.

I'm a two-fisted drinker.

Put it in there.

Well, well, Boots Marsden
and Louie the Looper.

Let's have a picture.

Help yourselves, boys.
Take a couple.

Hey, champ,
how about a picture

of you drinking champagne out
of her slipper?

Why not?

Okay.

We'll call the picture,
"Puss in the Boots."

- Louie, what a sense of humor.
- Yeah.

Ready, folks?

Thanks.

Trying to be smart?

Don't fool with a buzz saw, mister.
This is Louie the Looper.

Oh. Okay, Louie.

Okay.

I'm sorry I spilled
the champagne on you.

- Oh, that's nothing.
- Thank you.

Compared to the blood that
Rocky Hanlon's gonna spill all over you.

If you wasn't here,
I'd sock him.

- That's all right.
- I'm leaving now. I'll go with you.

You stay here. I just made
contact with the money man.

Bud, I done everything
you told me to do.

Well, that's swell.

Get off of me.

- I'm sorry, Tommy.
- Did you get the record?

I did. And very fast, too.
I broke a record.

When I hired you guys I thought
I was getting a couple of good detectives.

We may not be good detectives
but we're very, very good friends.

- Friends.
- Excuse me.

Did it ever occur
to you that friendship is,

at its best,
a rather doubtful asset?

I don't want friends.
I shall have followers, worshippers,

people who will obey me because
they realize my greatness.

To arms, to arms.

Four score and six...

- Seven.
- Five.

- Five, three, two...
- Three, two...

Would you
put your hand down?

Tommy, if you don't pipe down,
we'll all get into trouble.

And another thing.

You didn't give me a chance to tell you
that Boots is contacting the money man.

Well, in that case, let's celebrate.
Pour us a drink, Lou.

No, Tommy. No.

Do you realize that every time you go into
a saloon, the devil goes in with you?

Well, if he does,
he pays for his own drink.

Excuse me.

This time
we'll do things my way.

There's a lady present.

The Looper will get his dough
the night of the fight.

Why don't you
save your dough, boss?

That guy just got in
a lucky punch at the gym.

I can take him.

Yeah, sure, sure.
Like you could take Nelson.

Only Nelson took you,
and O'Hara took my money.

This time there'll be
no slip-ups.

But he thinks
he's going to meet you.

He is,

if he tries
to double-cross me.

Thank you.

Tommy, don't you think
you've had enough?

Tommy, you shouldn't drink
other people's drinks.

Oh, it's you again.

Now, wait a minute, just a minute.
Don't get excited, fella.

This happens to be
Louie the Looper.

I know,
he's a buzz saw.

Well, here's where he's gonna
lose a couple of teeth.

Why didn't you duck?

Duck? I didn't even
see the punch coming.

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

Save your punches for tomorrow night, Looper.
You'll need them.

Let's have a nightcap.

Sure, Looper.

Tommy, you've had
enough drinks.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

- Excuse me, sir.
- Don't mention it.

Oh, Tommy.
I'm only telling you for your own good.

Hey, Lou.

He's down there.

Tommy.

What are you doing
with my drink?

Oh, I thought
it was mine.

Oh, yeah. I've heard
that one before.

Just a minute.
Bud, I'll handle this.

I'll take care of this myself.
Right, Tommy?

Go ahead
and start something.

Double-crosser.

Hey. You hit
my friend.

- Yeah, I hit him.
- Break it up, fellas.

The boss don't like
no rough stuff.

You heard him.

Lou, Lou.
Come out of it, Lou.

Here, see
if this'll help.

That didn't help him.

Tommy, we've got to
get him out of here.

Here,
I'll give you a hand.

Come on.
Get a hold of him.

Come on. Take a hold of him,
Tommy. Attaboy, Tommy.

What happened?

Tommy got knocked out.

- That's funny. I thought it was me.
- Shut up.

He got knocked out by the revolving door.
He was hit on the head.

- Where is he?
- I don't know.

- We got to get him out of here.
- Tommy, Tommy.

- Tommy?
- Tommy.

Where is he?

Wait a minute. Pick him up.
Come on. Pick him up.

Attaboy. Pick him up.

Get in that door.
Hurry up.

Get in there!

I don't think
I'm gonna make it.

You'll make it.

Bring him over to me.
Fold him up.

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Fold him. Fold him.

Get in there.
Get inside.

Now, tell it
to me again.

I saw two men
carrying no man.

Imagine my trying to solve
this riddle in a week.

The harder I work,
the more impossible it seems.

Tommy.

Hey, where am I?

You know,
I don't know.

You're home
with me, darling.

Helen, baby.
Oh, it's good to see you.

It's good to...

To have you here
with us, Tommy.

Us?

Oh. Hello, fellas.

Gee, I sure poured one on
last night, didn't I?

You said it.
A king-sized one.

Boy, you were
sure crazy...

What's the matter with you?
I was gonna tell him that he was great.

What'd you think
I was gonna say? Crazy?

He means about you trying to drink
everybody's drinks last night.

Yeah.

I don't remember that.

I drank so much I don't remember
seeing anybody.

We're even.
We didn't even see you.

But I do remember
that deal with Boots Marsden.

Now, what
about the money?

Well, we didn't have time
to close the deal yet.

Well, get in touch
with her. Close the deal.

Tell her you'll take the count
any round she wants.

When we get
into the ring with Rocky

we double-cross Morgan
and knock his boy cold.

Hey, this Morgan.
Is he mean?

- He's a killer.
- He's mean.

And if my hunch is right,

he'll try to do
what he did to O'Hara.

Bump Bud off and put the blame
on you, Lou.

Fight postponed.

Don't worry, Lou.

As long as I'm in there with you,
you're a cinch to win.

I'm gonna
make sure of it.

Ew.

- What's that?
- Perfume.

If I can't see you, at least I'm gonna
smell you.

Oh...

I'll show you out.

Doctor. Doctor!

Yes, Tommy?

I tried to sit up, but I'm paralyzed!
I can't move.

Take it easy, Tommy.
I have you strapped down.

It's just a precaution against a possible
mental relapse.

But the fight tonight.

I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't afford
to take any chances.

You can't take any chances?
What about the chance I took?

Helen said
you were afraid.

You're not afraid
for me.

You're afraid
for yourself.

Afraid of what the medical profession
would do to you.

But you want to keep me chained up
like a mad dog to save your good name,

but you won't give me
a chance to clear mine!

And now, sports fans,
my prediction for tonight's fight

between Rocky Hanlon
and Louie the Looper.

Louie the Looper was still
in training late last night.

Evidently, he ran out
of sparring partners.

Midnight found him
completely exhausted.

Perhaps this accounts for the wise money
being switched over

in favor of Hanlon
late this afternoon.

Both men lack defense,
but are strong on offense.

Therefore, I predict this will be
the most offensive fight of the year.

Tommy? Oh, Tommy?

Tommy?

Relax. He said
he'd be here.

So, he'll be here.

Yeah?

Tommy?

Tommy, Tommy.

A black cat.

Smoke.

Give me that.

Whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Remember? Helen said you could
see him in smoke or fog?

I know, but smoking
will make you sick,

then you won't
be able to fight.

- I won't be able to fight?
- No.

Give me that cigar.

Tommy. Tommy.

Compliments of a friend.

Well, do tell.

"You can smell them
or wear them.

"The fifth round will tell."

And you lay down
in the fifth round.

If Tommy don't get here,
I'm gonna lay down right now.

Hey.

- Hey, hey.
- Hey, money.

Real money.

Here's $1,000 for you,
$1,000 for me,

and one, two, three,
$4,000 for him.

$1,000 for you,
$1,000 for me,

and one, two, three,
$4,000 for him.

Wait a minute.
Who's getting a bigger share than we are?

- Him.
- Who's him?

- The income tax man.
- The...

Tommy, Tommy.

Tommy.

You're on next.
All set?

All set.
What's the odds?

Five to two that Rocky
smears him.

Oh!

- Where you going?
- To get a cop.

- Why?
- Somebody's gonna get murdered.

Ah! Come here, stupid.

People work a lifetime
and never get $15,000.

- You're getting it for just lying down!
- Yeah.

Lying down?
That's what's got me worried.

The big question is,
will I be able to get up?

Look, buddy, don't let me go in
that ring without Tommy.

Look, Lou, if Tommy goes
in the ring with you

he'll knock out Rocky
and Morgan will bump you off.

No. You get bumped off.
I get the hot seat.

I mean, I get the hot seat
and you get bumped off.

One way or the other,
I'm gonna get it in the end.

Now, look, Lou, here's what
we've got to do.

Without Tommy, you go in the ring
and lay down like Morgan wants.

Everybody will be happy
and we'll be in the 15 grand.

- But we promised Tommy.
- Sure, sure, sure.

He promised to be here.
Did he show up?

Yeah.

That's what I'm trying to tell you,
but you won't listen.

I heard you telling him.

I'm sorry, Tommy.
I thought you ran out on us.

Doc had me tied in his lab.
I finally broke the straps.

Now, are you guys
gonna play on my side

or does Louie the Looper
want to fight Rocky by himself?

I'm on your side, Tommy.

My heart's in the right place
and I want to keep it there.

Don't worry.
When we get in the ring, I'll do the pitching.

As long as I don't
do any catching.

Semi-final's over.
Let's go.

Come on, champ.
Follow me.

Chest out, stomach in.

I said, "Stomach in."

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the main attraction
of the evening,

10 rounds of boxing.

Introducing, at 160 pounds,

the leading contender
for the middleweight crown,

Rocky Hanlon!

And in this corner,
that new sensation,

Louie the Looper!

Morgan.

Hey. We still got a chance to
change our minds.

I'd rather argue with Tommy than try
and outrun Morgan's bullets.

I'm gonna go out there and lay down
without even saying my prayers.

What are you guys
whispering about?

We were...

"We were" what?

We were saved
by the bell.

Your referee for tonight's main event,
Frankie Van.

Now, you boys
know the rules,

I want a good,
clean fight. Okay?

We ought
to clean up on this.

Every dollar
the syndicate has

is riding on the Looper
not going five rounds.

When I say,
"Break," I want you to break clean.

Now shake hands.

Go to your corners
and come out fighting at the bell.

Just feint at his chin, Lou.
I'll do the rest. Sit down.

- Fight's on.
- No, no, no. Over there!

Oh-oh.

Believe me, folks.
There'll be an investigation on this one.

I'll swear there wasn't
a blow struck.

He never even touched you.
What are you doing?

You told me to faint.

Get up, get up!

Eight, nine...

Wait a minute.
That's no fair hitting there.

If you're trying
to throw this fight

I'll hold you up for 10 rounds
and let him cut you to ribbons!

- Now get up.
- Five, six.

Now, do as I told you.

Okay, Tommy,
I'll be good.

Tommy?
Tommy he calls me.

Hearing the birdies
already, pal?

I don't know.
Either these old eyes are failing

or that boy hits like
greased lightning.

Go to your corner.

One, two...

Go to your corner.

Three,

four,

five,

six,

seven,

eight,

nine.

Left jab. Left jab.

Left jab. Left jab.
Right cross.

Go to your corner.

Did you deliver
that money?

Sure, boss.

Three...

Tommy, let me finish him off,
will you?

I can do it!

Six, seven...

eight,

nine.

Tommy. Tommy.
I didn't see what I was doing.

Go to your corner.

One,

two,

three,

four,

five,

six,

seven,

eight,

nine.

Tommy, will you get up?

Open your eyes
before he closes mine.

Here after,
watch where you're punching.

Are you kidding?

Come on, Rocky,
knock him out.

And so, the first round ends.
And I'm frank to say that I don't get it.

Get up there.

Do you realize that every punch
Rocky gets shortens my life?

What about my life?
Don't worry, let me handle this.

Sure. Sure.

Look at the condition of the guy
in that other corner.

What's the matter, Rocky?
Rocky? Rocky, what's the matter?

There's something
phony about this.

Get over
to Rocky's corner.

He hits from nowhere
and hard.

I can feel the guy's knuckles
coming through the gloves.

It's like
I'm fighting two guys.

And I keep hearing voices,
like someone's talking to him.

Hearing voices, eh?
That's bad.

I wonder what
they're up to.

Yeah. So do I.

Rocky's been hit so hard,
he's hearing voices.

I don't get this. Every one of
the Looper's punches has been short.

I told you we couldn't trust
those two guys.

Get me the torpedo.

Yes, boss.

Okay, Tommy, here's where
we ring down the curtain.

- One, two, three.
- Tommy? Tommy?

Start punching.

Four, five.

- Tommy? Tommy?
- One, two, three...

- What are you doing?
- I'm smelling.

It's poor English,
but you sure do!

- Seven, eight, nine.
- Tommy?

- Hey, Bud.
- What?

Throw in the towel, will you?

It's too dirty.
And besides, you're doing great.

He hasn't laid
a glove on you.

Keep your eye
on the referee.

Somebody in there's
clouting me.

Six,

seven, eight...

What's wrong,
boss?

I'm not sure.

Tell Milt to get
into a cop's uniform.

If those guys
try to pull anything

we'll give them the same
treatment we gave O'Hara.

Louie the Looper has again
been knocked for a loop.

Only this time
the bell saved him.

He'll never come out
for the next round.

Attaboy. You're doing great.
You're doing swell.

Stop stalling and give him
the smelling salts.

Uh-oh. He blew his top.

Come on, Lou.
Snap out of it!

- Tommy, you're here.
- Yeah.

Good. You fight him
for a while. I'm tired.

Get in and
make it look good!

Folks, I've never seen
anything like it.

Louie looks like
he's out on his feet,

but he's managing to avoid
most of Rocky's punches.

Rocky's swinging wild.

One, two,

three, four.

Right cross. Left cross.

Right cross.
Right to the stomach.

Upper cut.

- One, two, three...
- Get up, Rocky! Get up!

- Milt all set?
- Yes.

Let's go.
Stay where you are.

Seven, eight, nine,

ten!

- I'll see you guys later.
- But, Tommy...

Never mind.
Let's get out of here.

No. The press boys,
they're gonna shoot my picture.

And Morgan's boys
want to shoot me.

Now, come on,
let's get out of here.

Be sure nobody comes into that
dressing room

except Louie
and his manager.

I know.
Same as last time, boss.

You sure look pretty
in that cop's uniform.

I hope my mother
don't see me.

Lou, Bud,
where is he?

I don't know.
He said he'd see us later.

I'm sure I found
the reagent.

We've got to get hold of him
right away.

Doc, you better get him

or you're gonna have
two more patients on your hands.

Believe me.

If you don't mind,
Doctor,

let's the three of us have
a nice little fireside chat.

- Chat about what?
- I don't know, let's say arithmetic.

Every time I add up
you two with those two guys

the correct answer
comes out Tommy Nelson.

- Really?
- Yeah, really.

Now, I don't know
how it was done,

but if you think that I think Louie the Looper
knocked out Rocky Hanlon,

you must think
that I am a fool.

Again, you have
the correct answer, lieutenant.

That's what I say.
Hey, wait a minute, Doc.

Wait a minute, please.

- Brother, are we glad you're here.
- Yeah?

Morgan is after us

and Morgan is a crook and so
is his whole gang.

Yes. But we're safe
as long as you're here.

Don't you worry.

Morgan won't be going
in your dressing room.

- Where are you going?
- The Looper's dressing room.

It's urgent, officer.

Sorry, folks,
nobody's allowed inside

but the Looper
and his manager.

- Now, wait a minute.
- Now, you wait a minute.

Boy, I'm glad the cop was
outside the door.

I'm not scared
anymore.

Well, I am.

The cop
outside the door

didn't save O'Hara from
getting the works

or Tommy
from going to jail.

Yeah.
But they can't

give me the hot seat
until you're dead.

Which won't be long now.

I've got one thing in my favor.

Morgan don't know that we know
how he framed Tommy Nelson.

And he don't know that we're
private detectives.

He does now.

Neither of you
will get a chance

to tell the cops
anything.

Now, look, pal,
let's talk this thing over.

There's no...

This is the payoff, Morgan.

- Who's talking?
- Tommy Nelson.

And I'm taking you to the cops
to tell how you framed me.

Not as long as this gun
is in my hand.

Get the gun, Lou.

Morgan, confess that you framed me
or I'll break your arm!

Come on, Morgan,
talk! Talk!

Why don't you play smart
and confess?

Okay, Tommy,
I got him covered.

- Tommy? Huh?
- Let him have it.

- Let him have it.
- Okay.

Oh, no!

All right, Tommy Nelson,
or whatever you are,

the minute you touch me,
he gets it.

Tommy!

Ha-ha! You missed!

Tommy, don't laugh.

If you get killed,
it'll be through me!

- Tommy?
- Only two shots left, Morgan.

Try it again, Morgan!

Ah-ha!

Fellas, looks like
I'm in the clear.

We've cleaned up
my case pretty well.

Tommy?

I think I can see you.

I can, too.

Tommy?

Hold onto that phony.

Tommy Nelson is innocent.

These are the men
that killed O'Hara.

Lock them up, boys.
Get these mugs outta here.

Lou, where's Tommy?

Tommy?

We'll have to get him
to the hospital.

Get who to
the hospital?

Him.

Him?

Yeah, him.

This transfusion should give him strength
enough to stand the reagent.

Anyway, we'll soon find out.

The reagent, nurse.

It's lucky you had
the same type blood as Tommy.

Why can't you
be lucky sometime?

Helen.

Tommy.

Hey, this is impossible.

Lou, I can see Tommy.

- Quiet, Bud.
- Yeah.

You're in a hospital.

You shouldn't make any noise.

It's catching.
My hand is gone!

Doc, help! Doc!

Don't worry.

Some of Tommy's blood may have
backed up during the transfusion.

I'm not worried, Doc.

I'm gonna like being invisible.

I'll be the greatest detective
in the whole world.

I'll be able to find anybody.

But you can't even
find yourself.

That's what you think.
Come on, Bud.

Doc, can't you do
something for him?

I don't think his invisibility
will last long.

He couldn't have gotten
that much serum.

Come on, Bud!

Come on, Bud.

Get in!

All right!
All right!

It wasn't me.
Please!

Lou, wherever you are,
come on, let's go.

Wait a minute.
I got some unfinished business.

Oh, no!

Doc? Doc!

My feet are on wrong.

That's just like you.

You get everything
backwards. Come on.

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