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It's...
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NARRATOR:
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
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00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,360
[♪ ♪ ♪]
4
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,800
MAN:
Oh, no, you don't.
5
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,040
[BEAR GROWLING]
6
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,080
Hey, did you see that?
7
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,800
Hm?
8
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,240
Did you see somebody
go past the window?
9
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:43,680
What?
10
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,560
Somebody just went
past the window.
11
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,080
That way.
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00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,800
Oh.
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00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,560
Oh.
14
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,120
Another one.
Hm?
15
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,360
Another one just went past,
downwards.
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00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,840
What?
Two people have just fallen
17
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,520
out of that window
to their almost certain death.
18
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,120
Fine, fine. Fine.
19
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,920
Look, two people--.
20
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,000
Three people have just fallen
past that window.
21
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,280
Must be a board meeting.
22
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,960
Oh, yeah.
23
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,040
Hey, that was
Wilkins of Finance.
24
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,520
No, that was Robertson.
25
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,600
Wilkins.
Robertson.
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00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,400
Wilkins.
Robertson.
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00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,920
That was Wilkins.
That was Wilkins.
28
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:34,600
He was a good golfer, Wilkins.
Very good golfer. Very good golfer.
29
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,080
Rotten at finance.
30
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,480
It'll be Parkinson next.
31
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,880
Bet you it won't.
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00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,960
How much?
33
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,360
What?
34
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,280
How much do you
bet it won't?
35
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,920
Fiver?
36
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,920
All right.
Done.
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00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,840
You're on.
Fine.
38
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,720
Come on, Parky.
Don't do it, Parky.
39
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,400
Come on, Parky.
Come on, now. Be sensible, Parky.
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00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,920
MAN: I'm writing to complain
about that sketch
41
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,680
about people falling
out of a building.
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00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,240
I've worked all my life in such
a building and have never once--
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00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,280
[SCREAMING]
44
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,120
Parkinson.
Johnson.
45
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,720
[ALL SCREAMING]
46
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,800
MAN 1:
My God, this is terrible.
47
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,800
Will somebody please stop it?
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00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,000
MAN 2: I know, sir.
Let's try it this way:
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00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,120
[ALL SCREAMING]
50
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,520
[GENIE SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
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00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,280
[MAN HUMMING]
52
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,400
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
53
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,280
Hello.
54
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,960
[♪ ♪ ♪]
55
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,480
Good evening. Tonight, Spectrum looks at one
of the major problems in the world today.
56
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,880
The whole vexed question
of what is going on.
57
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,760
Is there still time to confront,
solve it, or is it too late?
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00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:22,960
What are the facts?
59
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,280
What do people mean
when they talk about things?
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00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,640
Alexander Hardacre
of the Economic Affairs Bureau.
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00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,760
In this graph, this column represents
23 percent of the population.
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00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,000
This column represents
28 percent of the population,
63
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,800
and this column represents
43 percent of the population.
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00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,600
Telling figures, indeed.
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00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,360
But what do they mean to you?
To me?
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00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,160
To the average man in the street?
67
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360
With me now is Professor Tiddles
of Leeds University.
68
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,840
Professor, you've spent many years
researching things. What do you think?
69
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,080
It's too early to tell.
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00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,760
Too early to tell, too early to say.
It means the same.
71
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,240
"Say" is the same as "tell." Not spelt
the same, but they mean the same.
72
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,240
It's an identical situation we have with
"ship" and "boat," but not "bow" and "bough."
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00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,560
They're spelt differently, mean
different things, but sound the same.
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00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,280
But the question remains
what is the solution to this?
75
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,000
What can we do?
What am I saying?
76
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,000
Why am I on this programme?
What will I say?
77
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,760
Here to answer
is a pro cricketer.
78
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,560
I can say nothing at this point.
You're wrong. Professor?
79
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,720
Hello.
Hello. So where do we stand?
80
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,360
Where do we stand, sit?
Where do we come, go? Do, say?
81
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,760
What do we eat, drink?
What do we think, do?
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00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,440
[CRASHES]
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00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,800
Sorry.
84
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,840
[BEAR GROWLING]
85
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,280
[DOORBELL RINGS]
86
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,440
Hello. Mr. and Mrs.
Johnson, isn't it?
87
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,480
That's right. Yes.
Well, come on in.
88
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,400
Excuse me not
shaking hands,
89
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,320
but I've just been putting
a bit of lard on the cat's boil.
90
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,480
Very nice.
91
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,800
Well, you must be tired. It's a
long drive from Coventry, isn't it?
92
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,280
Yes, well, we usually reckon
on five and a half hours.
93
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,000
It took six hours
and 53 minutes
94
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,800
with a 25-minute wait in
Frampton Cotterell to stretch.
95
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,640
We had to wait half an hour
to go on the M5 near Droitwich.
96
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,640
Really?
Then there was a 3-mile queue
97
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,560
just before Bridgewater,
on the A38.
98
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,600
Normally, we come
around on the B3339,
99
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,120
just before
Bridgewater, you see.
100
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,280
Really?
This time, we decided to risk it.
101
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,280
They always say
they're gonna widen it.
102
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,160
Are they?
Just by the intersection
103
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,680
where the A372 joins up.
104
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,640
There's room to widen it there.
There's only grass verges.
105
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,840
They could get 6 feet,
knock down the hospital.
106
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,840
We took the road through Williton
and got the Taunton traffic
107
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,240
on the A358 from Crowcombe
and Stogumber.
108
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,880
You must be dying
for a cup of tea.
109
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,560
Well, wouldn't say no.
Not if it's warm and wet.
110
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,960
Well, come on in the lounge. I'm
just about to serve afternoon tea.
111
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,640
Very nice.
112
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,080
Come on in,
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.
113
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,920
Oh, this is Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.
114
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,520
Good afternoon.
Pleased to meet you.
115
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,760
It's their third year with us.
116
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,240
We can't keep you away,
can we?
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00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,600
And over here is Mr. Hilter.
118
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,200
Good time.
Good afternoon.
119
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,640
Planning a little excursion
are we, Mr. Hilter?
120
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,000
We make a little...
121
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,600
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
122
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,160
Hike.
Hiking.
123
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,920
We make a little hike for Bideford.
124
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,920
Oh, well, you'll be wanting
the A39, then.
125
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,400
No, no, no. You've got
the wrong map there.
126
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,800
This is Stalingrad.
127
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,320
You want the Ilfracombe
and Barnstaple section.
128
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,880
Hein-- Reginald, you have
the wrong map here,
129
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,320
you silly old, leg-before-wicket
English person.
130
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,320
I'm sorry.
Sorry, mein Fuehrer. I did not--
131
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,680
Mein Dickie, old chum.
132
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200
Lucky Mr. Johnson
pointed that out, eh?
133
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,040
You wouldn't have had much fun
in Stalingrad, would you?
134
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,280
I said, you wouldn't have had
much fun in Stalingrad, would you?
135
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,680
Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
136
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,440
I'm sorry. I didn't
introduce you.
137
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,520
This is Ron.
Ron Vibbentrop.
138
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,160
Oh, not Von Ribbentrop, eh?
139
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,640
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
140
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,400
Oh, ha-ha! No, he different,
other chap. No.
141
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,120
I in Somerset am being born.
142
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:07,400
Von Ribbentrop is born
in Diisseldorf, West 8.
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00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,360
So they say.
144
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:13,040
And this is the quiet one:
Mr. Bimmler. Heinrich Bimmler.
145
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,080
How do you do?
I am not Minehead lad,
146
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,560
but I in Lincolnshire house
was given birth to.
147
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,800
But stay in Lincolnshire house
during war,
148
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,680
owing to nasty running sores.
149
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,800
And was unable to go in the streets,
play football, or go to Nurnberg.
150
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,400
I am retired window cleaner
and pacifist
151
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,320
without doing war crimes.
Tsk-tsk-tsk.
152
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,080
Glad England win World Cup--
Bobby Charlton, Martin Peters.
153
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,680
And eating chips and fish
and toad in the holes
154
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,600
and Dundee cake
on Piccadilly line.
155
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,680
Don't you know, old chap? And
was head of Gestapo for 10 years.
156
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,840
Five years.
157
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,160
No, no.
158
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,960
Was not head of Gestapo at all.
159
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,120
I make joke.
160
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,320
Mr. Bimmler,
you do have us on.
161
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,480
[PHONE RINGS]
162
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,200
Oh, excuse me. I must
just go and answer that.
163
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,440
How long are you down here for,
Mr. Hilter? Just the fortnight?
164
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,800
Why do you ask that?
You a spy or something?
165
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,240
Get over there against the wall,
Britischer pig. You're going to die.
166
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,120
Take it easy, Dickie,
old chum.
167
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,560
I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson.
He's a bit on edge.
168
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,000
He hasn't slept
since 1945.
169
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,240
Shut your cake hole,
you Nazi.
170
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,560
Cool it, Fuehrer cat.
171
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,400
Oh, the fun
we have.
172
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,560
Haven't I seen him
on the television?
173
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,720
Oh, no. No.
174
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,600
Television doctor?
No, no.
175
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,040
Telephone, Mr. Hilter.
176
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,400
It's that nice Mr. McGéring
from the Bell and Compasses.
177
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,560
He says he's found a place where
you can hire bombers by the hour.
178
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,680
If he opens his big mouth again,
it's lampshade time.
179
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,720
Shut up.
Hire bombers by the hour.
180
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,440
What a laugh he is,
that Scottish person.
181
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,800
Good old Norman.
182
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,200
He's on the telephone
the whole time nowadays.
183
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,600
In business, is he?
Soon, baby.
184
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,640
Of course,
it's his big day, Thursday.
185
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,320
They've been planning it for months.
What happens then?
186
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,640
Oh, it's the North Minehead
by-election.
187
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,040
Mr. Hilter's standing
as a National Bocialist candidate.
188
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,400
He's got wonderful plans
for Minehead.
189
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,480
Like what?
For a start, he wants to annex Poland.
190
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,240
Oh. North Minehead's
Conservative, isn't it?
191
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,360
They get a lot of people
at their rallies.
192
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,240
Rallies?
Well, their Bocialist meetings
193
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,640
down at the Axis Café
on Rosedale Road.
194
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,160
[HILTER SHOUTING IN GERMAN
OVER MEGAPHONE]
195
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,760
[MUSIC PLAYING
OVER GRAMOPHONE]
196
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,840
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
197
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:10,000
I am not a racialist...
198
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:17,240
but--
Und this is a big "but."
199
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:24,160
--we in the National
Bocialist Party believe:
200
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,560
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
201
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,160
[BIMMLER APPLAUDING]
202
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,120
Mr. Hitler--
203
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,320
Hilter. He says that,
historically,
204
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,920
Taunton is a part
of Minehead already.
205
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,240
He's right.
Do you know that?
206
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,840
[CROWD CHEERING AND
APPLAUDING OVER GRAMOPHONE]
207
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,240
[CROWD CHANTING
OVER GRAMOPHONE]
208
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,600
MAN: What do you think
of Mr. Hilter's policies?
209
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,880
Well, I don't like the sound
of these here "boncentration bamps."
210
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,920
Well, I gave him my baby to kiss
211
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,040
and he bit it on the head.
212
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,640
I think he'd do a lot of good
for the stock exchange.
213
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:49,880
No, no.
214
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,840
Oh, yes, Britischer pals.
He is wunderbar-- Ful.
215
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,640
I think he's right about the coons,
but then, I'm a bit mental.
216
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,640
I think he's got
beautiful legs.
217
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,160
Well, speaking as
Conservative candidate,
218
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,240
I just drone on and on
and on and on,
219
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,200
never letting anyone else
get a word in edgeways,
220
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:16,600
until I start foaming at the mouth
and falling over backwards.
221
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,640
Is he foaming at the mouth
to fall over backwards,
222
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,040
or falling over backwards
to foam at the mouth?
223
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,400
Tonight, Spectrum examines
frothing and falling,
224
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,720
coughing and calling,
screaming and bawling,
225
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,600
galling and mauling,
trawling and squalling and "zalling."
226
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,960
Is there a word, "zalling"?
227
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,120
If so, what's it mean?
If not, what's it mean?
228
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,640
Perhaps both. Maybe neither.
229
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,720
What do I mean by the word "mean"?
By the word "word"?
230
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,200
What do I mean by "do,"
and what do I do by "mean"?
231
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,160
What do I mean by wasting your time
like this? Good night.
232
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,840
Good night.
233
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,840
Good evening.
I wish to report a burglary.
234
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,520
Speak up, please, sir.
I wish to report a burglary.
235
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,640
I can't hear you, sir.
236
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,480
I wish to report a burglary!
237
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:57,960
That's a little bit
too loud.
238
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,680
Could you say it just
a little less loud than that?
239
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,640
I wish to report a burglary.
240
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,640
No, I'm still not getting anything.
241
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,520
Could you try it in a higher register?
242
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,160
What do you mean, a higher register?
What?
243
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,360
[IN HIGH VOICE]
I wish to report a burglary.
244
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,760
That's it. Hang on a moment.
245
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,760
Now, a little bit louder.
246
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,320
I wish to report a burglary.
Report a what?
247
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,960
Burglary!
That's it.
248
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,520
That's the exact frequency.
Now, keep it there.
249
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,360
[IN HIGH VOICE] Hello, sarge!
[IN LOW VOICE] Evening, Charlie.
250
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,280
I was sitting at home with
a friend of mine from Camber Sands
251
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,360
when we heard a noise
in the bedroom!
252
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:41,240
We went to investigate
and found £5000 stolen!
253
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,680
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, I'm afraid
I'm going off duty now, sir.
254
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,240
Could you tell Sergeant Foster?
255
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:50,680
I was sitting at home with
a friend of mine from Camber Sands--
256
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,520
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Excuse me,
sir, but why the funny voice?
257
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,960
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm sorry. I just got used
to talking like that to the other sergeant.
258
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,360
Sorry. I can't hear you. Could you try
speaking in a lower register?
259
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:09,520
[IN LOW VOICE]
I wish to report the loss of £5000.
260
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,680
Five thousand pounds? You better
speak to the detective inspector.
261
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,560
[IN LOW VOICE] What seems to
be the trouble, sergeant?
262
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,200
[SPEAKING QUICKLY]
This man's come to report
263
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,560
he was home,
he heard a noise, investigated,
264
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,440
and found that £5000
was stolen.
265
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,680
I see.
266
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,120
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Where do you live, sir?
267
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,560
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
121 Halliwell Road, Dulwich, SE21.
268
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,360
[SPEAKING QUICKLY]
121 Halliwell Road, Dulwich, SE21.
269
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,720
[IN HIGH VOICE] Another Halliwell
Road job, eh, sergeant?
270
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,920
SERGEANT [SPEAKING QUICKLY]: I thought
that bloke was put inside last year.
271
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,440
[IN HIGH VOICE]
Yes, in Parkhurst.
272
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,520
[IN LOW VOICE] Well, it must
have been somebody else.
273
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:40,720
[IN LOW VOICE]
Thank you, sergeant.
274
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,320
[IN NORMAL VOICE] We'll get
things moving right away.
275
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,600
[IN HIGH VOICE]
You take over, sergeant.
276
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,200
[IN LOW VOICE]
Alert all squad cars in the area.
277
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,120
[ALTERNATING VOLUME] Hello, darling. I'm
afraid I'll be late home this evening.
278
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:53,520
♪ Calling all squad cars
In the area ♪♪
279
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,120
[IN MAN'S VOICE]
I think that's in very bad taste.
280
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,840
[MEOWS]
281
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,200
[BARKING]
282
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,960
[BLEATING]
283
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:08,600
Some people do talk
in the most extraordinary way.
284
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,400
MAN: Good afternoon,
and welcome to Hurlingham Park.
285
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,720
You join us
just as the competitors
286
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,440
are running out onto the field on
this lovely winter's afternoon here
287
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,280
with the going firm underfoot
and very little sign of rain.
288
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,160
It certainly looks as though we're
in for a splendid afternoon's sport
289
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,760
in this, the 127th Upper-class
Twit of the Year Show.
290
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,000
Now, the competitors
will be off any moment,
291
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,120
so let me just
identify them for you.
292
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,040
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
has an O-level in chemo-hygiene.
293
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,200
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris,
294
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,240
married to a very attractive
table lamp.
295
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,840
Nigel Incubator-Jones'
best friend is a tree.
296
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,800
In his spare time,
he's a stockbroker.
297
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,080
Gervaise Brook-Hampster
is in the Guards
298
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,560
and his father uses him
as a wastepaper basket.
299
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,600
And finally, Oliver St. John-Mollusc,
Harrow and the Guards,
300
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,840
thought by many
to be this year's outstanding twit.
301
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,640
They're moving up
to the starting line.
302
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,640
There's a jolly good crowd
here today.
303
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,480
They're under starters orders.
304
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,760
And...
305
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,320
They're off.
306
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,040
No, they're not.
307
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,400
They didn't realize
they were supposed to start.
308
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,520
Never mind, we'll sort that out.
The judge is explaining it to them.
309
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,920
I think Nigel and Gervaise
have got the idea.
310
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,640
All set to go.
311
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,320
Oh, and they're off.
And it's a fast start this year.
312
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,120
Oliver St. John-Mollusc
running a bit wide there.
313
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,160
And now they're coming into
their first test: the straight line.
314
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,200
They've got to walk along
a straight line without falling over.
315
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,280
And Oliver's over, at the back there.
316
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,640
Simon's coming through quite fast
on the outside.
317
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,240
Simon and Nigel, both of them
coming through very fast.
318
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,640
There's Nigel, number three.
319
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,360
And there's Gervaise
coming through just out of shot.
320
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,800
And now, the positions.
321
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,520
Simon and Vivian at the from
coming to the matchbox jump.
322
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,960
Three layers of matchboxes to clear.
323
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,080
And Simon's over.
And Vivian's over, beautifully.
324
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,000
The jump of a lifetime.
If only his father could understand.
325
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,640
Here's Nigel-- No.
326
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,320
And Gervaise is over.
327
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,240
No, he's-- Nigel is over.
He's only just hit the top.
328
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,720
And now it's Gervaise.
Gervaise is going to jump it.
329
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,800
No, he's jumped the wrong way.
Well done.
330
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,320
There he goes.
Nigel's over, beautifully.
331
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,760
Now it's only Oliver.
Oliver and Gervaise.
332
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,160
Oh, bad luck.
333
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,040
Now it's Kicking the Beggar.
334
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,240
Simon's there and he's putting
the boot in, and not terribly hard,
335
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,640
but there's-- He goes down,
Simon can move on.
336
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,640
Now, Vivian's there. Vivian is there
and waiting for a chance.
337
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,640
Here he comes.
The old pile driver. A real pile driver.
338
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,680
And now Simon's our number one,
339
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,720
Vivian two, Nigel three,
Gervaise four.
340
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,440
And Oliver bringing up
the rear.
341
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,240
There's Oliver. There's Oliver now.
He's at the back.
342
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,640
I think he's having a little trouble
with his old brain injury.
343
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,520
He's gonna have a go.
No, no. Bad luck.
344
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,200
He doesn't know when he's beaten.
345
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,200
He doesn't know
when he's winning, either.
346
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,920
He doesn't have any sort of
sensory apparatus there,.
347
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,160
Outstanding.
348
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,440
There's Gervaise,
putting the boot in there.
349
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,120
He's got the beggar down and the
steward's giving him a little advice.
350
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,000
He can move on now. He can
move on to the Hunt Photograph.
351
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,640
There's Ger-- I think-- He's off.
Gervaise is there
352
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,400
and Oliver's still at the back
having trouble with the matchboxes.
353
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,200
Now, here's the Hunt Ball Photograph
and the first here is Simon.
354
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,240
He's going to enjoy a joke
with Lady Arabella Plunkett.
355
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,640
She hopes to go into films.
356
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,040
And Vivian's through there,
and Nigel's there,
357
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,880
enjoying a joke with
Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian
358
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,200
Steamroller Adams Thigh Biscuit
Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith.
359
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,840
And there's Simon, now,
in the sports car.
360
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,600
He's reversing into the old woman.
Caught her beautifully.
361
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,320
He's going to accelerate forward
to wake up the neighbour.
362
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,360
There's Vivian.
No, Vivian's lost his keys.
363
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,080
There's Vivian. He's got the woman,
slowly but surely, right in the midriff.
364
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,000
And here he is. Here he is
to wake up the neighbour now.
365
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,200
Simon comfortably in the lead, but
he can't get this neighbour woken up.
366
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,160
He's slamming away there
as best he can.
367
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,400
He's getting absolutely
no reaction at all.
368
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,120
There. He's woken him up.
And Simon's through.
369
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,320
Here comes Vivian.
Vivian to slam the door.
370
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,680
There we are, back at the ball.
That's Gervaise.
371
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,880
That's Gervaise going through, there.
And here comes Oliver, brave Oliver.
372
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,320
Is he gonna make it to the table?
I don't think so.
373
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,480
Yes, he is.
374
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,680
And the crowd
are rising to him, there.
375
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,600
And there I can see--
Who is that there?
376
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,480
Yes, that's Nigel. Nigel has woken the
neighbour. My God, this is exciting.
377
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,640
Nigel's very excited.
378
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,680
He's going through.
Here comes Gervaise.
379
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,520
Gervaise-- No, this is...
380
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,800
Out from is Simon, who's supposed
to insult the waiter and he forgot.
381
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,520
And Oliver has run himself over.
What a great twit.
382
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,640
And now, here comes Vivian.
Vivian to insult the waiter,
383
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,680
and he is heaping abuse on him.
He's humiliating him there,
384
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,920
and he's in the lead.
Simon's not with him.
385
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,560
Vivian's hit the bar.
They've got to get under this bar.
386
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,720
This is extremely difficult
as it requires
387
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,520
absolutely expert coordination
between mind and body.
388
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,840
They need to get there.
Here we go again.
389
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,320
Simon's fallen backwards.
Here's Nigel. He's tripped.
390
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:00,160
Nigel has tripped and he's under.
Simon fails again.
391
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,080
Now here is Gervaise--
And Simon is through by accident.
392
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,680
There's Gervaise,
he's the last one, but here we are.
393
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,680
Nigel at the head of the field.
He's gotta shoot the rabbit.
394
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,760
The rabbits have been tied
to the ground, tend to be frisky,
395
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,520
and this is only a one-day event.
396
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,680
They're blazing away. They're not
getting the results they might.
397
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,040
Gervaise is in there, trying to
bash it to death with his rifle.
398
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,480
And I think Nigel's in there
with his bare hands,
399
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,240
but they're not getting results.
It is a little misty
400
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,000
and they're shooting
from a range of at least one foot.
401
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,840
But there's a couple of hits there.
402
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,840
They've had a couple of hits,
and the whole field is up again,
403
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,040
and here they are.
404
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,200
They're coming to the debs. Gervaise
first, Vivian second, Simon third.
405
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,920
And now they've got to
take the bras off from the front.
406
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,360
This is really difficult.
407
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,080
This is the most difficult part
of the entire competition.
408
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,040
They're having
a bit of trouble in there.
409
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,320
They're really trying now
and the crowd is getting excited,
410
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,320
and I think some of the twits
are getting excited too.
411
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,600
Vivian is there,
Vivian is coming through.
412
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,040
Simon's in second place.
413
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,600
And-- Oh, there's Oliver. He's dead,
but not necessarily out of it.
414
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920
There goes Nigel.
No, he's lost something.
415
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,560
And Gervaise running through
to this final obstacle.
416
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,160
All they have to do here to win
the title is to shoot themselves.
417
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,960
Simon has a go.
Bad luck, he misses. Nigel misses.
418
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,920
Now there's Gervaise,
and Gervaise has shot himself.
419
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,840
Gervaise is
Upper-class Twit of the Year.
420
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,040
There's Nigel.
He's shot Simon by mistake.
421
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,280
Simon is second, and there's Nigel.
Nigel's shot himself.
422
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,160
Nigel is third in this fine
423
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,240
and most exciting Upper-class
Twit of the Year I've ever seen.
424
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,360
Nigel's clubbed himself
into fourth place.
425
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,560
And so the final result,
Upper-class Twit of the Year:
426
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,560
Gervaise Brook-Hampster
of Kensington and Weybridge.
427
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,480
Runner up: Vivian
Smith-Smythe-Smith of Kensington.
428
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,960
And third: Nigel Incubator-Jones
of Henley.
429
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,080
There will certainly be
some car-door slamming
430
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,800
in the streets
of Kensington tonight.
431
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,760
WOMAN:
Dear sir, how splendid it is
432
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,920
to see the flower of British
manhood wiping itself out
433
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,160
with such pluck and tenacity.
434
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,520
Britain need have no fear
with leaders of this calibre.
435
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,160
If only a few of the so-called
working classes
436
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,720
would destroy themselves
so sportingly.
437
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,880
Yours, et cetera,
438
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,640
Brigadier Mainwaring
Smith Smith Smith, et cetera.
439
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,360
Deceased, et cetera.
440
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,200
PS, et cetera. Come on,
other ranks, show your stuff.
441
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,800
Yes, sir. I'll do me best, sir.
442
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,760
[COUGHS]
443
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,360
WOMAN:
No, not good enough.
444
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,960
[COUGHS]
445
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,880
No, still not good enough.
446
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,840
[COUGHS]
447
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,240
Yeah, that's better.
448
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,440
[♪ ♪ ♪]
449
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,600
Ick!
450
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,400
Okay, all clear.
451
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,920
[GIBBERING]
452
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,040
[♪ ♪ ♪]
453
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,440
Now, I understand that you
want to marry my daughter.
454
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,440
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
455
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,080
Yes. You realize, of course, that
Rosamund is still rather young?
456
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,920
Daddy, you make
me feel like a child.
457
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,680
Oh, yeah, you know.
458
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,320
Get them when they're young, eh?
459
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,080
Know what I mean?
460
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,600
Well, I'm sure you know
what I mean, Mr...?
461
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,800
Mr...?
Shabby. Ken Shabby.
462
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,320
Mr. Shabby, I just want to make sure
you'll be able to look after my daughter.
463
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,960
Oh, yeah, yeah.
464
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,760
I'll be able to look after
her all right, sport, eh?
465
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,920
Know what I mean, eh?
466
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,120
And what job do you do?
467
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,760
I clean out public lavatories.
468
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,440
Is there a promotion involved?
469
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,840
Oh, yeah, yeah.
470
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,640
[COUGHING]
471
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,200
After five years,
they give me a brush.
472
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,920
I'm sorry, squire.
I've gobbed on your carpet.
473
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,440
And where are
you going to live?
474
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,880
Well, round at my gran's.
475
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,960
She trains polecats,
but most of them have suffocated,
476
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,760
so there should be a bit
of spare room in the attic, eh?
477
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,160
Know what I mean?
478
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,240
I see. When do you
expect to get married?
479
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,720
Oh, right away, sport.
Right away, you know.
480
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,560
I haven't had it for weeks.
481
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,640
Well, look. I'll phone the bishop
and see if we can get the abbey.
482
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,120
Oh, diarrhoea.
483
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,400
MAN: The story so far: Rosamund's
father has become ensnared
484
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,200
by Mr. Shabby's extraordinary
personal magnetism.
485
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,800
Bob and Janet have eaten
Mr. Farquar's goldfish
486
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,520
during an Oxfam lunch.
487
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560
And Mrs. Eismore's marriage
is threatened by Doug's insistence
488
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,800
that he is on a different level
of consciousness.
489
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,920
Louise's hernia
has been confirmed.
490
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,800
Jim, Bob's brother, has run over
the editor of the Lancet
491
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,200
on his way to see Jenny,
a freelance pagoda designer.
492
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,960
On the other side
of the continent,
493
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,600
Napoleon still broods
over the smouldering remains
494
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,120
of a city he had crossed
half the Earth to conquer.
495
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,320
Whilst Mary, Roger's half sister,
settles down to watch television.
496
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,800
There now follows
a party political broadcast
497
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,320
on behalf of the Wood Party.
498
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,400
Good evening.
499
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,120
We in the Wood Party
feel very strongly
500
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,600
that the present weak drafting
of the local government bill
501
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,480
leaves a lot to be desired.
502
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,040
And we intend to fight.
503
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,200
[SCREAMS]
504
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,840
Hello?
505
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,600
Hello.
506
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,880
I'm afraid the minister's
fallen through the Earth's crust.
507
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,600
EXCUSE me a moment.
508
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,720
Hello.
MINISTER: Hello.
509
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,400
Are you all right,
minister?
510
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,760
I appear to have landed
on this kind of ledge thing.
511
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,240
Shall we lower down
one of the BBC ropes?
512
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,120
If you'd be so kind.
513
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,280
What length of BBC rope
will we be likely to need?
514
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,480
I should use
the longest BBC rope.
515
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,720
That would be a good idea,
I would imagine.
516
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,720
Okey-doke, chief.
517
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,120
Tex, get the longest BBC rope
and bring it here, pronto.
518
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,280
In the meantime,
since I am on all channels,
519
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,240
perhaps I'd better carry on
with this broadcast
520
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,240
by shouting about our housing plans
from down here, as best I can.
521
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,280
Could someone
throw me down a script?
522
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,600
The script would appear
to have landed on a different ledge
523
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,000
somewhat out of my grasp,
don't you know.
524
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,240
Perhaps when the rope
reaches you, minister,
525
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,440
you could kind of swing
over to the ledge and grab it.
526
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,600
Good idea.
527
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,320
Well, I'm going to carry on
if I can read the script.
528
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,320
Good evening.
We in the Wood Party
529
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,360
feel very strongly about...
530
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,000
the present weak drafting
of the local government bill.
531
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,800
No. It's no good. It's not working.
532
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,000
I think I'll have to try
and make a grab for it.
533
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,840
It's in back-- There we are.
534
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,600
Good evening.
535
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:26,800
We in the Wood Party feel very
strongly about the present" Ah! Oh!
536
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,320
Oh, dear.
537
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,360
Hello.
MAN: Hello.
538
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,400
Look, I must look a bit of a chump,
hanging upside down like this.
539
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,760
Don't worry,
minister.
540
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,960
I think if we turn the picture
upside down
541
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,760
we should help the minister, Hen.
542
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,720
Oh, good.
Look, I'm sorry about this.
543
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,600
There seem to be
a few gremlins about.
544
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,520
I think I'd better start
from the beginning.
545
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:54,240
Good evening. We in the Wood Party
feel very strongly about--
546
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,160
Oh, bloody heck.
547
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,160
Oh, dear.
548
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:02,160
Terribly sorry about this.
549
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,800
About saying bloody heck
on all channels, but--
550
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,120
There's another script
on the way down, minister.
551
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,080
Oh, good. Good.
552
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,560
Well.
553
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,840
Good evening.
554
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,080
Well...
555
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,360
How are you?
556
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,040
I don't want you to think
of the Wood Party
557
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:24,480
as a load of old men that like
hanging around on ropes, only...
558
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,400
Thank you.
559
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,040
Good evening.
560
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,560
We in the Wood Party
561
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,640
feel very strongly about
the present weak drafting--
562
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,440
[SCREAMS]
563
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,520
Look, I think we'd
better call it a day.
564
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,840
Is this the furthest distance
that a minister has fallen, Robert?
565
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,400
Surprisingly not.
566
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,880
The Canadian minister for external
affairs fell nearly seven miles
567
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,160
during a Liberal conference
in Ottawa about six years ago.
568
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,040
And then, the Kenyan
minister for agric and fish
569
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,320
fell nearly 12 miles during
a Nairobi debate in Parliament,
570
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,200
although this hasn't
been ratified yet.
571
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,960
How far did the Filipino
cabinet fall last March?
572
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,720
Well, they fell nearly 39 miles,
but it's not nearly so remarkable
573
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,280
as that was due to their
combined weight, Robert.
574
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,080
Yes. Well, thank you, Robert.
What's your reaction to this, Robert?
575
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,880
Well, Robert, the main thing
is that it's terribly exciting.
576
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,400
The minister is quite clearly
lodged between rocks
577
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,880
we know terribly little of.
578
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,840
The main thing is we're getting colour
pictures of extraordinarily high quality.
579
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,000
The important thing--
The exciting thing is
580
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,080
he'll get samples
of the Earth's core,
581
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,840
which will give us a tremendous,
tremendous clue
582
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,400
as to the origins of the Earth
and what God himself is made of.
583
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,200
Oh, I needed that.
584
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,280
Thank you. That seems to be
about all we have time for tonight.
585
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,480
Unless anyone
has anything else to say.
586
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,640
Has anyone anything else to say?
No.
587
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,160
No, no.
No.
588
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,880
♪ No ♪♪
589
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,440
No.
No.
590
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,040
No.
No!
591
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,280
No.
No.
592
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,880
Bloody fairy.
No.
593
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,960
No.
Uh, no.
594
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,160
No.
No.
595
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,200
No.
No.
596
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,120
No, no, no...
597
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,240
What do we mean, no?
What do we mean, yes?
598
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,480
What do we mean, "No, no, no"?
Tonight, Spectrum looks at what is no.
599
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,720
[♪ ♪ ♪]
48937
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