Original subtitles

[ laughter ]

[ screaming ]

Let's just get this started.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?

Who's a good cat?

[ laughter ]

[ chuckles ]

[ laughter ]

Today we're stranded on the side of the road because,

Son of a gun, our car broke down!

After flagging down a good samaritan to help us out,

We'll have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do or say anything, you lose.

Guys, I-I don't know, guys. It's not looking good.

Damn. Nobody's stopping for me.

That car looks good on camera

In a way that cars don't look anymore.

No. How you doing, bro?

It's not turning. It just clicks.

Yeah.

Yeah? Well, you know what it is.

"the engine might be overheated, buddy."

The engine maybe is overheated, I thought.

Inside is a fan. Fan the engine.

This is the engine?

[ laughter ]

It says "rave daddy" on the fan.

"rave daddy"!

[ laughter ]

It's from my old days.

Oh, yeah?

That was another lifetime ago.

But I would pull up and be like, "rave daddy's here."

[ laughter ]

Murr: Sal, now reveal

That your mother fell down the basement stairs

And she can't get up.

Yeah. I just was -- I was getting back in the car

Because my mom fell down the basement stairs.

Yeah. "she's been there an hour."

She's been there about like an hour now.

"at the bottom of the stairs, legs akimbo."

At the bottom of the stairs, legs akimbo.

Yeah. I told aaa,

But they said they can't just rush

Because my mom's on face first in the cement.

[ laughter ]

Have him get in the car to try to turn it over.

And then, while you're under the hood,

Start pulling cables out left and right.

Would you just try to start it for me so I could just look?

Yeah, just turn it a couple times.

We put in, like, fake pieces for you to pull out, bud.

Oh, okay. What is that? Okay. Hold on.

[ laughter ]

Maybe it's this thing.

Well, I don't know, because I don't know what the hell is...

Oh, god, jesus christ.

This car is falling apart, man.

"how do we do this now?

Do we exchange insurance information or"...

How does it work now, though? What do we do?

Do we exchange insurance information or...

Me? Why me?

Well, me -- you and I, because of this.

I don't have insurance. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I just ride a bike.

Q: "well, then how are you going to pay for this?"

[ laughing ]

You don't have insurance?

Then how are you gonna pay for this?

[ laughter ]

You want me to pay for it?

"look at all these parts on the floor."

Look at all the parts on the floor.

I don't know...

What am I gonna -- what are we gonna do?

I mean, I was just riding my bike.

"do you have an attorney, or is it just you?"

You have an attorney or something like that?

Oh.

[ laughter ]

"mm. No insurance, no attorney.

This could be pricey for you."

No insurance, no attorney.

This could be pricey for you.

[ laughter ]

"I shouldn't have drift raced that asian kid this morning."

You know what, I --

I'll tell you this now that I'm --

Now that I'm reflecting on the day, I shouldn't have

Drift raced with that asian kid this morning.

"when I see an asian, I want to race him."

I don't -- I mean, I can't -- I can't pull up next

To an asian person and not race them.

[ laughter ]

Maybe. "you know, [bleep] it, let's burn it."

Sal, go to the trunk. There's a gas tank.

Douse the car with gasoline.

[ bleep ]

[ laughter ]

I'm just gonna light it and get the [bleep] out of here.

You got room to go on -- can two go on it? Okay.

All right, come on.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go go!

It's going up. You gotta get out of here, bro.

It's me and you. Put your hands on his tits.

[ laughter ]

[ ding! ]

All right, q.

I don't know nothing about cars. Oh.

Oh. You're pulling -- thank you.

Oh, here we go, buddy.

Hey, how's it going? I'm brian.

Mark. Mark. Nice to meet you, mark.

I was bringing the classic out.

Oh, you got a mustang motor up in here.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get a screwdriver. Stick it in there.

I'm going to have you crank it to see if we're -- okay. All right.

We didn't really want to repair it.

"I've never been in this situation before."

I've actually never been in this situation before.

"I've fantasized about it, but"...

[ laughing ]

I-I've fantasized about it, but I've never actually --

All right. You want to go crank it? Yeah, let's go crank it.

[ laughter ]

[ engine cranking ]

All right. You got no spark.

No spark. That's what my wife said about my marriage.

"mark, if you got cables, you can just try jacking me off."

So either you got a bad coil...

This isn't a situation where you, like,

Grab cables and just, like, jack me off with it?

No. No.

[ laughing ]

Sal: "I'm not -- I'm not a big car guy."

I'm not a -- like, I'm not a big car guy.

"maybe there was excessive backlash

In the differential ring."

Maybe there's excessive backlash

In the differential ring.

"and the pinion gears require like a re-shimming."

And the pinion gears, they require re-shimming, I was told.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[ laughter ]

-Is that a camera? -"is that a camera?"

So you ever watch that show "impractical jokers"?

-Yeah. -You like that show?

Holy shit.

[ laughter ]

You're on "impractical jokers."

Am I really? Yeah.

You got me out here fixing your [bleep] car.

That's right!

It runs? It runs.

But you should get a cap and rotor.

[ ding! ]

[ laughter ]

Q: "oh, man. I was on my way to a candle convention."

I was on a candle convention.

[ all chuckling ]

Just -- I don't know what to do here.

Uh, do you know anything about cars, buddy?

I can't turn it over. Man: I can try for you real quick.

Thanks, buddy.

This is a little smoke machine we installed in.

-What's your name? -Peter.

Peter, james. Nice to meet you, man.

"peter, she stopped vrooming."

She stopped vrooming is the thing.

Like, she was vrooming before.

You know what it is? [ cell phone buzzing ]

Give me a second look. That's my mechanic. Oh.

He's trying to turn it over, but it won't turn.

Yeah, it won't turn. It usually goes vroom, vroom.

But it's not now.

Yeah. Try and turn it over real quick.

I'll turn it over. Okay.

Let me know if you see anything clicking or any --

The spark plug.

Oh, no. Let it go. Stop.

[ laughter ]

Peter: But, yeah, try and turn it over real quick.

Let me know if you see anything clicking

Or any -- the spark plug.

Oh, no. Let it go. Stop.

[ laughter ]

Surprise, murr. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[ laughing ]

"what did you do?" what'd you do?

Peter? What the hell, man? What'd you do?

It's smoking like crazy.

Q: You can't even see the street.

"I was already running late to watch wendy williams."

I was already running late to watch wendy williams.

"this stinks dick." yeah, bro. You have to call a tow truck

This stinks dick. It does.

[ laughter ]

It stinks dick, peter.

Yeah, you're gonna have to call --

I'm gonna miss wendy williams at this point.

This stinks dick, man. Sal: I can't even see him!

What do I do? We have someone pulling -- an uber pulling up.

Man: Hey, uber for james. Uber for james? That's me.

Sal: Murr get in that uber and just leave.

Dude, you gotta get --

Dude, get out of here before it blows!

Go, peter! Go! Go, peter, go!

[ ding! ]

Narrator: Looks like insurance has the guys covered,

Keeping them all safe from the loser board.

Today we're at union funeral home in new jersey,

Working in teams.

So we brought our good buddy adam ray in to help us out.

Glad to be here, fellas,

To join you for this very normal challenge,

Where one of us is a funeral director

And the other will be a corpse. That's right.

So we hired a temp worker to help us set up before a funeral.

And our goal is to distract that person

While the corpse rises from the coffin to achieve a task.

Whoever completes the fewest tasks

Before being caught loses.

Gah! I'm afraid of ghosts!

Sal: All right, murr, let's get in this casket, bitch.

Q: This is a weird one.

Now, murr, I've envisioned this day for a long time.

[ laughter ]

How the hell do I keep a straight face in here?

You understand? I'm going to be laughing.

I'm genuinely nervous. I want this to work.

I can't wait for you guys to get out of here because this is...

I know. I got a secret weapon, though today, baby.

Who, adam ray? That's right.

Yeah, but you guys don't have a great success record.

A little lower, sal, a little lower, sal.

Can't do it. I -- a little lower, sir.

Sir, can you go a little lower?

Can't do it. I'm scared.

Today's the day.

Your name's christine? Okay, murr, you are dead.

Are you coming here to help us today?

I hope you don't mind the, uh, you know.

I used to be in the funeral home, like, all the time.

Oh. Sal: All right. Murr.

There's a pencil in the casket, murray.

Flick it up, and I want it to get stuck into the ceiling.

Adam: He got it. He got the pencil.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You guys are joking right now, right?

What are you talking about? She saw murray move.

She said she saw this [bleep] dumb piece of shit move immediately.

What a dumb dead body. Is he smiling?

Oh, he is smiling. She sees you smiling.

Stop smiling. Stop smiling. Stop smiling.

-What are you doing? -I knew we were short staffed,

So I came in to fill in.

If you need anybody to help laminate stuff, I can.

[ laughter ]

Go help her laminate. We'll give you another turn.

Go help. Go laminate. Let's do this. Okay.

Oh, hey. How are you doing, sir? What is your name?

All right, here we go. We're in. Murray.

Hey, murray, try not to smirk and lick your lips.

Don't normally work with a corpse

Hanging right around, yeah. No.

Sal: Murray. In the casket is a red solo cup,

Q's got a ping-pong ball.

I'm gonna have you guys play a little beer pong.

He's not looking. He's not looking.

You guys are good. He's knee deep in laminate.

[ laughter ]

The first time that I started working here, they...

An associate of mine bought it.

[ ding! ]

Sal: Oh, he's turning around.

They used to have a supply center above us.

Adam: Murr, get out of the casket.

Do five burpees. Get back in the casket.

On the dates that you're scheduled to do that...

Yeah. Sal: Oh, my god.

...Prove that the property taxes are high.

Everybody's property taxes.

Yeah. They got revenue. He's out, he's out clean.

Right. So they can't do it. Right.

Right? But some people have more time.

A bit more money...

You know? All the seats are -- yeah.

What did you...

Hey, he doesn't see you. Stay down.

What's going on?

The boss is, uh... We got a leg loose here,

Down here, so it's just -- not only a leg loose, a screw loose.

[ laughter ]

Why are you playing? What are you doing this for?

I was checking out the -- you're in on this.

[ laughter ]

Yeah. Have a seat, bud. Have a seat.

Excuse me one second, richard.

I'm just gonna dust off these flowers.

Sal: All right, so q's got a dustbuster right now,

Which will provide a welcoming noise distraction.

Adam: Great distraction.

Yeah, murray, murray, put your feet where your head were.

Put your feet where your head was.

Head first. Other way.

Murray's got a look of determination

If I've ever seen one on his face.

You know, they start having beers around 10:00 am.

You know what I mean? They're planting flowers.

I'm like, that's a job for me.

Now just kind of push. Give a little kick.

Yeah. Kick. There you go. Slide yourself in.

[ laughter ]

That's like the wicked witch of the east

Just slowly dying into her own coffin.

"I'll get you, my pretty."

Murr, give me a couple of rockette kicks.

Some people be like, uh, yeah, yeah.

Q: Some people be like, nah.

Like, if a fireman dies or something like that.

Sal: Q, just stops hitting the dustbuster for no reason.

Murr, get out of the coffin

And do a handstand against the wall.

Ooh.

Q: I don't know. He was accusing one of...

Good luck. Undulating out of it.

Nice. Beautiful.

Wow. If he pulls this off.

I was there with a -- with a girlfriend of mine.

I don't have kids, so we, uh...

Sal: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

You know, I spend a lot of time --

I live not too far from the staten island zoo,

So I like to go there.

Oh, my god. What?! Adam: Wow. What?

What?! What?! Wow.

This is unbelievable.

Get down! Oh, wow. That's the year...

[ ding! ] oh, my god!

Yeah, hey, can you leave the room without being caught?

[ laughing ]

Q: Your friends would --

Your friends wouldn't record it and put it on instagram

And then make fun of you and stuff like that.

Like, it just wouldn't happen that way.

Just, uh, make sure that this is...

Nice egress over here. You know what I'm saying?

[ sal laughing ]

Q's fireman kicked in there.

Yeah, everybody was just like in the moment.

Yeah. You want to see a cool scar?

Yeah. Come here. Check this out.

Uh...

[ laughter ]

I just saw someone over there under the table.

Q: Where? Near the egress.

Over here.

Where's the guy that was, uh --

That guy that was in the coffin? Oh, there he go, there he go.

[ buzzer ]

This is sonya edwards.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Murr: Adam, you look like you're squeezed in like a sardine.

First, we're going to do the laminates.

So, have you done these before?

Adam, we planted a bunch of movies in your pocket.

Take one slip of paper out and do charades to sal.

Q: Here we go. Sal: Yeah. This should be the whole box.

There's 200 in there. Sonya: Okay. No, no.

We got it, we got it. This is gonna be a hard one.

Murr: This is hard.

He's up.

That was not enough.

[ laughter ]

Whip? Yes! Whip!

Oh. Indiana jones.

Yeah! Which one?

"temple of doom." no.

"last crusade." nope.

What?

[ laughter ]

Indiana jones... Indiana jones...

Year [bleep] were you born? You know this.

"raiders of the lost ark."

He got it! That's one. All right.

Adam, take your phone out of your pocket

And try to order a pizza.

Crazy.

Murr: Adam, take your phone out of your pocket

And try to order a pizza.

Crazy.

[ line ringing ]

[ whispering ] hi.

[ dustbuster whirring ]

[ laughing ] hot cherry pepper pie.

[ whirring ]

Sal's just vacuuming the air.

Man on phone: Sir?

Hot cherry pepper pie.

Okay. So these -- oh, so you're making a pile?

Are you making a pile before you put them through?

Hot cherry pepper pie?

Can I get a cherry pepper pie, please?

Ambrosia road. I'm in a coffin

At a funeral home.

Can I get a cherry pepper pie?

Thank you so much.

[ laughter ]

All right. You got it.

All right. Wow.

198. Okay, so that's decent. Okay.

I hid some balloons, and, adam, I would like

You to give you a best shot at making a balloon animal.

There you go.

All the way to the tip.

[ chuckles ]

[ laughter ]

Sure. I'll give it to you.

Put it on your head as a hat.

Yeah, because if any guests check the molding,

I want it to be dusted. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, uh-oh!

Oh! Oh!

[ laughing ]

[ laughter ]

Busted.

So you already kind of put most of these.

All right, adam, I want you to take

A selfie in the coffin,

But make sure you get sal in it.

Sal, you gotta dab when he takes the photo.

[ laughter ]

Get as much water as you can, like right here.

Man: Got it.

[ ding! ]

Adam, while in the coffin, take your pants off.

What are we doing here?

He's gonna try to take his pants off.

Oh!

[ laughter ]

Stand, stand. Stand on the coffin.

Stand on the coffin. Stand in the coffin.

You get connections... Dab. Yeah, dab.

...And everybody knows each other.

[ laughter ]

Can you jump out? Could you like --

Could you cat-like leap out of it?

A family -- a family is gonna come.

You gotta be like, oh, my god,

Like, family is going to come here.

The guy didn't notice!

[ ding! ]

Narrator: Murr put the nail in that coffin,

Making him tonight's big loser.

So, murr lost.

And, you know, in reviewing last season.

Sal and I realized that we really messed up one

Of your punishments. Okay.

So now we're here at fandi mata to correct all that.

Okay. Because last season, when we were here,

We had you put meat into people's mouths.

What we didn't realize is some people like free food.

So we went back to the drawing board,

Literally back to the drawing board,

And we figured out that food plus mouth equals happy.

Yeah. And food minus mouth equals sad.

Got it. So I'm taking people's food away from them?

Precisely. Yeah, you got it.

But this is just a theory,

So get out there and let's put the equation to the test.

Sal: All right, murr.

I'm really nervous, man. Same spot.

This is how he was last time.

And then by like halfway through,

He was like, back-flipping over to their table.

Being like, "meat in your mouth!"

Yeah. Last time people were smiling in the end.

Yeah. Today I want -- I don't want to finish

Till there's like an exacto knife in your neck.

Oh, god. Man. Q: Here he goes.

Oh, god. Oh, god.

She's drinking, she's drinking, she's drinking.

Oh, my god.

God! Stop muttering to yourself.

You do this, you son of a bitch.

Okay.

[ laughter ]

♪♪

[ laughter ]

The bewilderment!

Um, excuse me.

Why did you take my drink?

"oh, I bussed it."

I-I bussed your drink. I didn't take it for myself.

I bussed the drink. I literally just got it.

I am so sorry.

"I'll self-report myself to the manager."

What I'm going to do

Is I'm going to self-report myself to the management.

If I did the crime, I will do the time.

I mean, you don't have to self-report.

It was an accident. I have to.

"we don't need to get bent out of shape."

We don't need to get bent out of shape.

It's a fixable mistake. That was just crazy.

You just took my drink and just dumped it in there.

"you know how, like, when you're on the dance floor

And you get lost in the movement?"

You know how...

You know how, when you're on the dance floor

And you get lost in the movement?

"that's bussing for me."

That's -- that's -- that, for me, that's bussing.

"bussing makes me feel good."

Bussing makes me feel...

Bussing makes me feel good.

[ laughter ]

So... "I shall self-report."

Self-report. I sal shelf-report.

[ laughter ]

I shall self-report and I'll be back.

Sal: "I sal shelf-report."

And then you dropped a glass.

Oh, murr, I see that table needs cleaning.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Good luck, buddy.

There he goes. There he goes.

Woman: Oh!

[ laughter ]

-That was -- -why would you do that?

That was his martini.

I was bussing the table. I'm sorry was that not done?

No. That was like a whole martini.

-Was it? -Yeah.

You just poured it in there, see?

"I'm gonna self-report this to the manager."

I have to self-report myself to the management.

"so I will be chastised, just so you're aware."

I will be chastised. And gin martini with a twist?

Okay. [ glass clatters ]

Oh, I cannot believe I goofballed in front of you guys.

It's okay. That's really embarrassing to me.

[ laughter ]

-I'll be right back. -Thank you.

Thank you. I'm so sorry again. My apologies.

Q: "I'm goofballs."

I'm just mega goofballs today.

No worries. I'm like super goofballs.

[ laughter ]

Murr, try the table with the red drink.

Okay.

Oh, my god, his drink is half full.

Oh, god. Oh, god. All right, here he goes.

Dude, I'm drinking that. It's still mine.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What's that? I'm sorry.

I still had about half my drink in there.

Sal: "oh, I bussed it."

I-I bussed it. It looked like it was empty.

No. No, it was not.

Murr, take the glass out and pour it back in.

It was not low.

No worries. My apologies.

[ liquid pouring ]

Are you serious?

[ laughter ]

I'm not going to drink the drink from

Poured in there.

"I'll go self-report my mistake to my manager."

I-I will -- I will self-report my mistake to my manager.

"I'll be right back with the fresh half-drink."

I'll be right back with a fresh half-drink.

[ laughter ]

"after I self-report."

After I self-report to the manager.

That's a nice, healthy full plate.

You have your little food bucket?

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, dude.

Oh, my god. It's doing it again.

My god. Oh, my god.

Q: That's a nice, healthy full plate.

You have your little food bucket?

Sorry?

[ laughter ]

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

I'm confused. Where did you take the plate?

Murr: You weren't -- we just got that.

"sorry, I bussed you too early."

You know, I bussed your table too early.

My apologies. "a premature bussing."

It was a premature bussing. Yeah, yeah.

[ laughter ]

"I can tell I'm repulsive to you."

You know what it is? I can tell I'm repulsive to you.

[ laughter ]

She nodded.

[ laughter ]

Murr, eat something from -- eat something.

Yeah, that was the platter plate?

-Yeah. -Okay.

[ laughter ]

Let me get you a new thing.

She looked like you were just a disgusting piece of [bleep].

Go back and give her some shit, murr.

So, guys, guys.

I don't know what that face was, but I'm not repulsed.

[ laughter ]

So your face is unwarranted.

Turn around, murr. You see a couple there?

Those are some very full drinks, my friend.

Oh, my god, oh, my god.

Very full drinks on that table.

♪♪

[ laughter ]

Clink. Cheers.

[ laughter ]

Murray, now go get hers.

♪♪

Murr, grab their water now.

♪♪

[ laughter ]

Is this a time to defend your honor?

[ laughter ]

Oh, their food's there, too.

Murr: No! Oh, yes!

Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.

Just go bus the whole table.

[ laughing ] oh, no!

-Thank you. -Thank you.

God, this looks so good.

Sal: Go, go, go.

-All right. -No, no.

No, no! [ laughing ]

[ laughter ]

So... Wrap it up. Let's go home.

Murr, try and get his watch.

Oh, he's -- oh, he's coming.

[ laughing ] oh! He's coming.

Murr, murr, drop the check. Drop the check.

We take cash or credit.

Yeah.

[ laughter ]

That's it, buddy. I don't know how we're gonna top that.

No, no. It's the full bill.

[ laughter ]